Stories of rage, tears and regret

[Qbopper]

Bottom post of the previous page:

>captain
>doing my pirate gimmick
>round has been very fucking chaotic with two/three harmful viruses (shoutout to the chemists on deck my fucking god you guys stayed on top of that)
>it's taken a long time but the shuttle is finally here
>pretty good round so far, had some competent sec and medbay players so it was ok
>get onto shuttle
>leaves
>hear someone being beat up in the shuttle brig
>ask the mech in the bridge to move
>walk outside into the brig
>in the time it took the mech to move everyone has gained a chainsaw and begun to murder eachother
>the warden chops my head off
>ask "what the fuck was that"
>apparently it's some kind of lavaland item

three rounds in a row with no fun allowed and this one's sodium was created by an item from my least favorite thing in the game

[CPTANT]

>I am Nuke op
>go war
>Full rambo SAW mowing down half the crew
>finally fight my way to the captain
>After like a 10 minute firefight take him down
>drag him to space
>get hit by space dust

[D&B]

>I am Nuke op
>go war
>Full rambo SAW mowing down half the crew
>finally fight my way to the captain
>After like a 10 minute firefight take him down
>drag him to space
>get hit by space dust

Can you smell what the rock is cooking?

[Reyn]

We had another stressful round after that one above this post, where the ai was rogue and we had changelings and some mother fucker kept recalling the shuttle. oh, and i was murdered by the curator who wasnt an antagonist OR a ling, as he stayed down when he was killed by someone else, and we burnt the curators body to make sure he doesnt get cloned

[MrAlphonzo]

>Roundstart assistant, grab tools, soap, slip a knife in my boots, find some insulos, go about my day.
>Absolute clusterfuck in engie maint, CE is kidnapped and murdered, a lawyer has krav maga gloves and an e-bow, and there's a ton of blood.
>Slip the lawyer, grab the e-bow, shoot the lawyer, two other chucklefucks drag her in the back and kill her.
>Grab an e-sword, try to understand what the fuck is going on but this unknown in a balaclava is insisting on trying to kill me.
>Run out to heal, hear an explosion, balaclava cunt comes out and explains that him and the engineer were both traitors, the engineer was his target. GIves me an emag and secbelt ontop of what I already collected.
>Balaclava guy flees, just in time for the HoS to show up and confuse me for the actual murderer.
>Cuffed, HoS is very open minded,I tell him the full story, he lets me go with all the stuff I got to boot.
>Brig blows up, spot a panic siphon, AI is probably subverted or malf.
>Run into R&D, try to get to the RD's AI sat camera console to see whats going on.
>For some reason, the captain is there, talking to a borg next to a deconstructed borg console.
>Captain hints at the borg to take care of me, he it takes him a second but by then I've already ran into disposals.
>About five other people call out about the captain being a ling.
>Borg and AI try on multiple occasions to kill me, so I decide to grab a flash.
>While I'm trying to find the borg, a scientist has downed the Capling, but not for long.
>I run in and finish the capling with my e-sword.
>Go down the hall, flash the borg, try to emag him.
>RNG decides to fuck me over and make my flash burn out. My fault, I guess, for not pushing the borg's welding tank away.
>Borg manages to welderbomb me a split second before I can emag him, but the scientist who I just helped kill the capling shows up.
>And they help the borg kill me
>They help the asimov borg kill me

This is why people only play for antag.

[bman]

IN WHICH SEC ARRESTS ME FOR HAVING INSULATED GLOVES

Spoiler:

Eduardo Fischer is trying to put handcuffs on Parker Jones!

Eduardo Fischer has pulled Parker Jones from Bruce Bousum's grip.

Eduardo Fischer has grabbed Parker Jones passively!

Bruce Bousum puts the stunbaton into the leather satchel.

Adam Twelve sighs.

Parker Jones says, "Okay"

[Common] Jere Stradford says, "If the clown is rogue, bring me their mask afterwards. ive been craving a clown burger."

Ian exclaims, "Woof!"

Azura Stafford says, "LET ME IN"

Eduardo Fischer says, "We gotta search you"

[Common] Madra Tossilan says, "Someone cremate him"

[Common] Lucia Seidner asks, "I'm getting Atmos and fire alarms in Xenobio. Is everything OK there?"

Adam Twelve says, "What's needed"

Parker Jones asks, "Care to explain my crime?"

[Common] DeeGle Nashun slurs, "HELP"

Eduardo Fischer says, "And ask a few questions"

Alina Giovanna gasps!

Parker Jones says, "Bruh"

[Common] DeeGle Nashun slurs, "THEY"

Parker Jones says, "Okay"

[Common] DeeGle Nashun slurs, "FU'CKINGG"

[Common] Madra Tossilan says, "Lets get the clown LIZ"

[Common] Azura Stafford says, "AI LET MEIN"

Eduardo Fischer buckles you to the chair!

Parker Jones says, "This is a waste of time"

Parker Jones says, "But whatever"

You attempt to unbuckle yourself... (This will take around one minute and you need to stay still.)

[Common] Bruce Bousum asks, "Detective can you ok my promotion to your assistant please?"

Eduardo Fischer asks, "Where'd you get those gloves, Parker?"

[Common] Azura Stafford says, "SORRY"

Parker Jones says, "Also sec is very incompetent"

Eduardo Fischer tries to remove Parker Jones's leather satchel.

[Common] Azura Stafford says, "DIDNT KNOW THIS THING WAS THIS POWERFUL"

Parker Jones asks, "Gloves?"

Parker Jones asks, "That's your issue?"

Parker Jones asks, "Gloves?"

Parker Jones says, "Goddamn sec."

Parker Jones says, "HOT damn"

Eduardo Fischer says, "It's related to a bigger picture, Parker"

Eduardo Fischer says, "A matter of station security"

Eduardo Fischer says, "I need to know"

Eduardo Fischer asks, "Where did you get them?"

*beep*

You unbuckle yourself from the chair.

Parker Jones says, "Did someone drop this entire department on its head"

[Common] Selenium III rattles, "So, does anyone feel like helping someone trapped in disposals out"

Eduardo Fischer says, "Parker"

Eduardo Fischer says, "I asked a question"

Parker Jones says, "Parker my ass"

[Common] Terrel Lord says, "Borg to medical lobby"

Eduardo Fischer says, "Now answer it"

[Common] Terrel Lord says, "Shake me up"

Parker Jones says, "Gloves are out of the wazoo"

Parker Jones says, "You brought me here for fucking"

[Common] L.I.Z. states, "Coming"

Parker Jones says, "Yellow gloves"

Parker Jones says, "You should be ashamed of yourself det."

[Common] Selenium III rattles, "I am currently stuck in a distro loop"

Eduardo Fischer says, "It's related to something bigger"

Parker Jones attempts to remove the handcuffs!

You attempt to remove the handcuffs... (This will take around 1 minutes and you need to stand still.)

Parker Jones says, "What bigger-"

Parker Jones says, "Also"

Eduardo Fischer puts the box into the leather satchel.

Parker Jones says, "How come you didnt ask me about the fucking"

[Common] The Automated Announcement System coldly states, "Aiden Burnside has signed up as Warden"

Parker Jones says, "CABLE CUFFS"

Parker Jones says, "EMP GRENADE"

[Common] Selenium III rattles, "I am stuck in the distro pipes outside cargonia"

Parker Jones says, "SMOKE GRENADE"

Eduardo Fischer says, "I was about to bud"

Parker Jones says, "JUST THE GLOVES"

Parker Jones says, "Anyways"

Eduardo Fischer asks, "Why in the name of hell do you have these grenades?"

Parker Jones says, "All of my shit"

Parker Jones says, "Is from cargo's maint"

Eduardo Fischer has knocked down Parker Jones with the police baton!

You fail to remove the handcuffs!

Parker Jones asks, "Happy?"

Eduardo Fischer shakes Parker Jones trying to get him up!

Eduardo Fischer has knocked down Parker Jones with the police baton!

Parker Jones says, "Uh"

Eduardo Fischer shakes Parker Jones trying to get him up!

Eduardo Fischer buckles you to the chair!

Parker Jones says, "What the fuck are you doin"

Eduardo Fischer asks, "Cargo maint?"

[Common] Adam Twelve exclaims, "HoP line closing in 2 minutes. If you want a job change come by quick!"

Parker Jones says, "Yeah"

Eduardo Fischer points the forensic scanner at the flashbang and performs a forensic scan.

Eduardo Fischer says, "Well"

Eduardo Fischer says, "I can believe the grenades"

Eduardo Fischer says, "Hm..."

Parker Jones says, "You arrested a guy for yellow gloves"

Eduardo Fischer says, "Look, I'm taking the cuffs and grenade, but you keep the gloves. Seems like you ain't the perp we're looking for"

Eduardo Fischer says, "It's part of a bigger picture, Parker, and I don't have the time to explain it"

Parker Jones says, "There's no point in taking away these nades"

Parker Jones says, "All it takes-"

Parker Jones says, "BIGGER PICTURE"

Parker Jones says, "I BET SOMEONE SLIPPED YOU"

Parker Jones says, "I BET IT'S THAT"

Eduardo Fischer says, "No"

[Common] Jere Stradford asks, "Can we get a janitor to the kitchen?"

Eduardo Fischer says, "I would have caught the fucker already"

Parker Jones says, "No you wouldn't"

Parker Jones says, "Cause you're wasting your time here"

Parker Jones says, "With someone"

Parker Jones says, "Cause they have insulated gloves"

Eduardo Fischer has grabbed Parker Jones passively!

Eduardo Fischer unbuckles you from the chair.

You're restrained! You can't move!

Parker Jones says, "That's not a sign of competence"

Eduardo Fischer tries to put the leather satchel on Parker Jones.

Eduardo Fischer says, "Parker, shut the fuck up. You don't understand what's going on here"

[Common] Walter Kifer says, "ROBOTICS IS REQUESTING A CORPSE"

Parker Jones says, "Yeah I do"

[Common] Walter Kifer says, "OR A HEART"

[Common] Walter Kifer says, "WHATEVER"

Parker Jones says, "You're a bad det."

[Common] Walter Kifer says, "I NEED THAT BIOTECH 6"

Eduardo Fischer tries to remove Parker Jones's handcuffs.

Parker Jones says, "And sec is fucked"

Eduardo Fischer points the forensic scanner at the backpack and performs a forensic scan.

You're restrained! You can't move!

[Common] Hash states, "Why tf didn't you take my heart"

You're restrained! You can't move!

Eduardo Fischer puts the forensic scanner into the box.

[Common] Hash states, "You nerd"

Eduardo Fischer tries to remove Parker Jones's Parker Jones's ID Card (Assistant).

[Common] Parker Jones says, "Sec arrested me for having yellow gloves"

Parker Jones says, "Sec arrested me for having yellow gloves"

Eduardo Fischer has thrown Parker Jones's ID Card (Assistant).

Parker Jones asks, "Why did you take my ID?"
Eduardo Fischer buckles you to the chair! // im bucklecuffed in the court, he leaves.

[D&B]

IN WHICH SEC ARRESTS ME FOR HAVING INSULATED GLOVES

Spoiler:

Eduardo Fischer is trying to put handcuffs on Parker Jones!

Eduardo Fischer has pulled Parker Jones from Bruce Bousum's grip.

Eduardo Fischer has grabbed Parker Jones passively!

Bruce Bousum puts the stunbaton into the leather satchel.

Adam Twelve sighs.

Parker Jones says, "Okay"

[Common] Jere Stradford says, "If the clown is rogue, bring me their mask afterwards. ive been craving a clown burger."

Ian exclaims, "Woof!"

Azura Stafford says, "LET ME IN"

Eduardo Fischer says, "We gotta search you"

[Common] Madra Tossilan says, "Someone cremate him"

[Common] Lucia Seidner asks, "I'm getting Atmos and fire alarms in Xenobio. Is everything OK there?"

Adam Twelve says, "What's needed"

Parker Jones asks, "Care to explain my crime?"

[Common] DeeGle Nashun slurs, "HELP"

Eduardo Fischer says, "And ask a few questions"

Alina Giovanna gasps!

Parker Jones says, "Bruh"

[Common] DeeGle Nashun slurs, "THEY"

Parker Jones says, "Okay"

[Common] DeeGle Nashun slurs, "FU'CKINGG"

[Common] Madra Tossilan says, "Lets get the clown LIZ"

[Common] Azura Stafford says, "AI LET MEIN"

Eduardo Fischer buckles you to the chair!

Parker Jones says, "This is a waste of time"

Parker Jones says, "But whatever"

You attempt to unbuckle yourself... (This will take around one minute and you need to stay still.)

[Common] Bruce Bousum asks, "Detective can you ok my promotion to your assistant please?"

Eduardo Fischer asks, "Where'd you get those gloves, Parker?"

[Common] Azura Stafford says, "SORRY"

Parker Jones says, "Also sec is very incompetent"

Eduardo Fischer tries to remove Parker Jones's leather satchel.

[Common] Azura Stafford says, "DIDNT KNOW THIS THING WAS THIS POWERFUL"

Parker Jones asks, "Gloves?"

Parker Jones asks, "That's your issue?"

Parker Jones asks, "Gloves?"

Parker Jones says, "Goddamn sec."

Parker Jones says, "HOT damn"

Eduardo Fischer says, "It's related to a bigger picture, Parker"

Eduardo Fischer says, "A matter of station security"

Eduardo Fischer says, "I need to know"

Eduardo Fischer asks, "Where did you get them?"

*beep*

You unbuckle yourself from the chair.

Parker Jones says, "Did someone drop this entire department on its head"

[Common] Selenium III rattles, "So, does anyone feel like helping someone trapped in disposals out"

Eduardo Fischer says, "Parker"

Eduardo Fischer says, "I asked a question"

Parker Jones says, "Parker my ass"

[Common] Terrel Lord says, "Borg to medical lobby"

Eduardo Fischer says, "Now answer it"

[Common] Terrel Lord says, "Shake me up"

Parker Jones says, "Gloves are out of the wazoo"

Parker Jones says, "You brought me here for fucking"

[Common] L.I.Z. states, "Coming"

Parker Jones says, "Yellow gloves"

Parker Jones says, "You should be ashamed of yourself det."

[Common] Selenium III rattles, "I am currently stuck in a distro loop"

Eduardo Fischer says, "It's related to something bigger"

Parker Jones attempts to remove the handcuffs!

You attempt to remove the handcuffs... (This will take around 1 minutes and you need to stand still.)

Parker Jones says, "What bigger-"

Parker Jones says, "Also"

Eduardo Fischer puts the box into the leather satchel.

Parker Jones says, "How come you didnt ask me about the fucking"

[Common] The Automated Announcement System coldly states, "Aiden Burnside has signed up as Warden"

Parker Jones says, "CABLE CUFFS"

Parker Jones says, "EMP GRENADE"

[Common] Selenium III rattles, "I am stuck in the distro pipes outside cargonia"

Parker Jones says, "SMOKE GRENADE"

Eduardo Fischer says, "I was about to bud"

Parker Jones says, "JUST THE GLOVES"

Parker Jones says, "Anyways"

Eduardo Fischer asks, "Why in the name of hell do you have these grenades?"

Parker Jones says, "All of my shit"

Parker Jones says, "Is from cargo's maint"

Eduardo Fischer has knocked down Parker Jones with the police baton!

You fail to remove the handcuffs!

Parker Jones asks, "Happy?"

Eduardo Fischer shakes Parker Jones trying to get him up!

Eduardo Fischer has knocked down Parker Jones with the police baton!

Parker Jones says, "Uh"

Eduardo Fischer shakes Parker Jones trying to get him up!

Eduardo Fischer buckles you to the chair!

Parker Jones says, "What the fuck are you doin"

Eduardo Fischer asks, "Cargo maint?"

[Common] Adam Twelve exclaims, "HoP line closing in 2 minutes. If you want a job change come by quick!"

Parker Jones says, "Yeah"

Eduardo Fischer points the forensic scanner at the flashbang and performs a forensic scan.

Eduardo Fischer says, "Well"

Eduardo Fischer says, "I can believe the grenades"

Eduardo Fischer says, "Hm..."

Parker Jones says, "You arrested a guy for yellow gloves"

Eduardo Fischer says, "Look, I'm taking the cuffs and grenade, but you keep the gloves. Seems like you ain't the perp we're looking for"

Eduardo Fischer says, "It's part of a bigger picture, Parker, and I don't have the time to explain it"

Parker Jones says, "There's no point in taking away these nades"

Parker Jones says, "All it takes-"

Parker Jones says, "BIGGER PICTURE"

Parker Jones says, "I BET SOMEONE SLIPPED YOU"

Parker Jones says, "I BET IT'S THAT"

Eduardo Fischer says, "No"

[Common] Jere Stradford asks, "Can we get a janitor to the kitchen?"

Eduardo Fischer says, "I would have caught the fucker already"

Parker Jones says, "No you wouldn't"

Parker Jones says, "Cause you're wasting your time here"

Parker Jones says, "With someone"

Parker Jones says, "Cause they have insulated gloves"

Eduardo Fischer has grabbed Parker Jones passively!

Eduardo Fischer unbuckles you from the chair.

You're restrained! You can't move!

Parker Jones says, "That's not a sign of competence"

Eduardo Fischer tries to put the leather satchel on Parker Jones.

Eduardo Fischer says, "Parker, shut the fuck up. You don't understand what's going on here"

[Common] Walter Kifer says, "ROBOTICS IS REQUESTING A CORPSE"

Parker Jones says, "Yeah I do"

[Common] Walter Kifer says, "OR A HEART"

[Common] Walter Kifer says, "WHATEVER"

Parker Jones says, "You're a bad det."

[Common] Walter Kifer says, "I NEED THAT BIOTECH 6"

Eduardo Fischer tries to remove Parker Jones's handcuffs.

Parker Jones says, "And sec is fucked"

Eduardo Fischer points the forensic scanner at the backpack and performs a forensic scan.

You're restrained! You can't move!

[Common] Hash states, "Why tf didn't you take my heart"

You're restrained! You can't move!

Eduardo Fischer puts the forensic scanner into the box.

[Common] Hash states, "You nerd"

Eduardo Fischer tries to remove Parker Jones's Parker Jones's ID Card (Assistant).

[Common] Parker Jones says, "Sec arrested me for having yellow gloves"

Parker Jones says, "Sec arrested me for having yellow gloves"

Eduardo Fischer has thrown Parker Jones's ID Card (Assistant).

Parker Jones asks, "Why did you take my ID?"
Eduardo Fischer buckles you to the chair! // im bucklecuffed in the court, he leaves.

>Get arrested and asked where you found the gloves
>Not even processed through the brig, just questioned
>Behave petulantly and fitful during the whole thing, ignoring the question and instead resorting to being passive aggressive
>WOW WTF SHITCURITY AMIRITE

I mean I'm not saying to lick their ass but you would have saved yourself the trouble by saying maint, no?

[bman]

>Get arrested and asked where you found the gloves
>Not even processed through the brig, just questioned
i did get processed this round and they did nothing about the gloves that time. my crime that time was punching someone who threw me into people.
if you played that round you'd be complaining about shitty sec too.
>Behave petulantly and fitful during the whole thing, ignoring the question and instead resorting to being passive aggressive
if you arrest someone for having insulated gloves no shit they wont be cooperative
>WOW WTF SHITCURITY AMIRITE

I mean I'm not saying to lick their ass but you would have saved yourself the trouble by saying maint, no?
>waste my time dragging me to interrogation trying to act all professional, beat me with a baton silently and without reason before returning to their seat
>expect cooperation

In which security main rushes to the rescue.

also they could've literally just met me in the hall and say; "where did you get the gloves from" rather than wordlessly stunning me

[bman]

If this sec is so antisocial and incapable of asking a simple question which takes like 5 seconds they have to arrest me and drag me to the brig in cuffs and "interrogate" me then I'll shit on them no doubt.

what's worse is that you defend these kind of silent autists who have to arrest you just to ask you a single question

stop.

[Limski]

>be nukeop
>some idiot declares war
>we get reinforcements
>everyone dies off in the first 5 minutes expect me and one guy
>Run towards the captain, tase, secure the disk
>give the disk to other op and tell him to get back to the ship and arm the nuke (Because I don't know how to arm the nuke,I had ops turned off for nearly a year in preferences)
>he leaves the z-level
>shuttle almost here
>go for a last ditch attempt to secure the disk with no ammo/weapons left
>my mate dies in the process
>I get the disk, all is well
>get back to the ship to get the nuke
>"fuck, I don't know how to arm the nuke"
>-BWOINK- "Just take it to a station tile and arm it there"
>Go to arrivals, since its the closest (deltastation, we landed north)
>Fumble with the nuke and die before arming the nuke because the greytide was approaching nd I had nothing left, also inexperience

Just put the fucking gun to my head and pull the trigger, I wish not to live anymore.

[InsaneHyena]

>Take a break from SS13
>Come back. You are a mime! You are a changeling!
>Gotta steal the nuclear core, gotta kill the CMO, gotta steal CE's identity
>Sounds easy enough
>Immediately turns out that I forgot the hotkey for switching hands
>Buy your average set - EMP scream, armblade, cryosting, adrenals, healing and lesser form just in case.
>Hide my traitor box in a disabled disposals, so it won't give me away if I'm searched
>First things first - gotta steal CE's identity.
>But in order to do that, I need to become an engineer first
>Luckily, there's an engineer just nearby, in the secluded main
>Cryosting, whack him with the armblade until he stops resisting
>Feel my heart pounding in my chest, as I drag him to the airlock
>Somehow, nobody sees me, as I strip the engineer and assume her identity
>But immediately after I return to the station, I see two assistans staring at the bloody trail I've left behind
>"Hey, that's not an engie, that's the mime."
>SHIT. How did they find out?
>Break my vow of silence and ask them how come.
>I'm still wearing my jumpsuit, but they can't see it through the hardsuit, right?
>They point out that I'm wearing mime's PDA on my belt.
>Oh, right. I... Stole it, because mime is a cunt. Yes.
>Assistants demand that I prove it by shoving them my face.
>Turns out, the engie was a catgirl. What a degenerate.
>Satisfied, they drop the case, and I leave.
>Drop into medbay to see if CMO is around, but he's not.
>Okay, back to assassinating CE.
>He's setting up a supermatter. There are some witnesses around, but it's okay - I just cryostung them, and then I'll "take him to medbay"
>Also, it turns out that my hardsuit is not resistant to radiation
>Luckily, by the time CE is all alone, my hallucinations largely go away.
>Helpfully drag him away to medbay.
>As in, to space, to be stripped.
>I got his ID, now I just need to...
>DNA... Sting...
>Shit, cryosting turned him into a husk.
>I can't take any DNA from a husk.
>What do?
>Am I fucked now?
>Hold on, I've got a genius idea.
>Drag him to medbay after all, in my CE hardsuit, hopefully nobody expects me to speak.
>Specifically, to cloning
>Because the medbay staff is busy fighting a few zombies, nobody notices how I steal his body from the cloning scanner
>And place him into genetics scanner
>Make an injector with his DNA
>It's not permament - I think Sticky is to blame - but it will do for my purposes.
>Also, shuttle is called with red alert because of those few zombies. Fuck playing the game, amirite?
>Oh, also there's something about CE sabotaging the supermatter? I don't know, I dindu nuffin.
>As I leave medbay, notice that the zombie got a couple of cheap shots as me, so I'm somewhat slow
>Gotta fleshmend.
>Oh shit, fleshmend isn't subtle, is it? I forgot about it.
>The detective nearby stares at me.
>Then pulls his weapons out.
>SHIT
>Run as fast as I can
>Which is not very fast, with a hardsuit on
>He lands a blow on me, but joke's on him - I've got adrenals
>Stand up, ditch the hardsuit and run
>AI saw this whole thing, and is helpfully screaming directions to security
>Disappear into the maint, transform into the mime and put on my stuff.
>Okay, I've got very little time - now I must steal the nuclear core.
>Check the disposals where I've hidden my stash
>Nothing there
>Well, fuck me then. I'll find the box eventually, it's probably in the disposal room.
>Check the medbay again, CMO is nowhere to be seen. Maybe he's dead already?
>Speaking of heads of staff, there's a real manhunt on the CE for being a changeling, who sabotaged the engine.
>A successful manhunt, because he's alive and kicking - I took him to cloning myself, after all.
>The shuttle arrives, and I still haven't found my box. Find a braindead zombie, inject him with CE's DNA, sting him and steal his.
>Alright, just gotta check the shuttle - is CMO there?
>He is! Fighting of zombies with the rest of the crew.
>Sting him and leave only when I see him in crit.
>Go to the pod - predictably, the windows are broken, but I RCD myself in a nice metal coffin.
>Alright, gotta transform into CE now.
>And put on my CE ID
>Wait, what?
>Oh shit, I'm a zombie.
>When did that happen?
>Transform into a different form
>Still a zombie
>Lesser form
>Monkey with zombie hands
>Have a little breakdown, before I realize my mistake
>Transform into a guy, who I didn't sting while he was hungry for brains
>Put on the ID
>Transform back into zombie CE
>Okay, I didn't accomplish ALL of my tasks, because of 20 minute round, but 3/4 isn't that bad, right?
>More like 2/4, because I failed to kill CMO.
>Before round ends, jump to him and see how did he survive
>Oh, he's a zombie. For some reason, you count as alive as a zombie, despite being a literal walking corpse.
>Well, fuck my life.

Fuck memerol.

[TheWulfe]

>I observe because I'm doing other non-urgent stuff but I might be a ghost role if there's a cool oppurtunity (great Ashwalker positioning/creep farm zone, etc.)
>always check if Nuke Ops/Wizard spawned before anything because I can observe and watch coolshit
>it's Flukes
>The Syndicate Lavaland Base is one of the ghost roles
>the Lavaland base has a cam system, so you can be comms support to Nuke Ops in the Comms Room if you want to
>I can be the Oracle to the Nuke Op's Batman!
>spawn in and work the Comms Room
>so being in the moment and thinking I'm so tacticool I bust out something like "Alright Nuke Ops, this is the lavaland base ready to provide visual support, the disk is in the Captains office, it was never secured"
>the kicker? The Syndicate Lavaland Base's intercomms has one of their Pirate Radio Intercoms right next to the cams computer have their microphone on by default, so I spouted that shit on the common radio even if I was using :h
>[Common] Syndie McLavaland says: "Alright Nuke Ops, this is the lavaland base ready to provide visual support, the disk is in the Captains office, it was never secured."
>oh God no
>I just wound up blowing the op team's cover
>get called an idiot and the ops have to rush in
>watch the Ops take unnecessary casualties in nuking the station
>they still win
>throw myself into lava in shame

For a silver lining, it actually stopped a boring 'Syndicate just walks to the Cap's office for the unsecured disk, fucks off and instantly wins' and made it competitive and the ops still won.

[Lazengann]

>I observe because I'm doing other non-urgent stuff but I might be a ghost role if there's a cool oppurtunity (great Ashwalker positioning/creep farm zone, etc.)
>always check if Nuke Ops/Wizard spawned before anything because I can observe and watch coolshit
>it's Flukes
>The Syndicate Lavaland Base is one of the ghost roles
>the Lavaland base has a cam system, so you can be comms support to Nuke Ops in the Comms Room if you want to
>I can be the Oracle to the Nuke Op's Batman!
>spawn in and work the Comms Room
>so being in the moment and thinking I'm so tacticool I bust out something like "Alright Nuke Ops, this is the lavaland base ready to provide visual support, the disk is in the Captains office, it was never secured"
>the kicker? The Syndicate Lavaland Base's intercomms has one of their Pirate Radio Intercoms right next to the cams computer have their microphone on by default, so I spouted that shit on the common radio even if I was using :h
>[Common] Syndie McLavaland says: "Alright Nuke Ops, this is the lavaland base ready to provide visual support, the disk is in the Captains office, it was never secured."
>oh God no
>I just wound up blowing the op team's cover
>get called an idiot and the ops have to rush in
>watch the Ops take unnecessary casualties in nuking the station
>they still win
>throw myself into lava in shame

For a silver lining, it actually stopped a boring 'Syndicate just walks to the Cap's office for the unsecured disk, fucks off and instantly wins' and made it competitive and the ops still won.

I did this the other day and felt ashamed for hours
Coders please disable that microphone

[Anonmare]

I ask to be smitten when I did that once but thankfully the crew were too autistic to pay attention to what the strange person not on the manifest was saying

[Segmented]

Did that a few days ago, but I managed to play it off as a joke and got the crew hunting for a nonexistent blob.

[Qbmax32]

>you are the research director
>make sure the nerds are doing their work
>in xenobio when wiznerd summons guns
>wiz dies in 10 minutes
>hey we have guns, scienceia is independent now
>captain makes a law for ai that allows her to make anyone she wants valid for the ai to kill
>scienceia is going well, xenobio rushing light pink and gold slimes
>science sec officer approaches me with captain
>captain asks me if science wants to be independent
>say yes, but without violence
>get tased, dragged to brig and executed for "high treason "
>xenobio raises an army of slimes but does nothing with them
>captain marking people she doesn't like as valid for the ai
>ahelp the faggot captain
>only gets a warning
>reeeeeeeeeeere

[TribeOfBeavers]

> Converted to clock cult with shuttle on the way
> Manage to build a comm console in maint and recall with less than a minute to spare
> Shuttle gets called again
> Suddenly, level 5 biohazard
> Blob spawned directly on top of my console
> bridge and captains office consoles destroyed and boards gone
> shuttle leaves, SM explodes, cult loses

[DrWoofington]

> be curator ling
> get genomes and escape with identity of Katty Guillou
> ask to be transferred to engi
> search around for katty guillou
> remember that she is the cunt who constantly builds a mining base and drops it down to lavaland to MINE and NOT TO FIX THE STATION
> get to second mining base
> katty is not there
> get back to station
> search space and then tab out for a second as i have to do something
> i tab in and see that i am a ghost
> I HAVE NO CORPSE
> I HAVE AFKED AT THE ARRIVALS SHUTTLE LANDING SPOT
> proceed to laugh in deadchat
> proceed to be eyeball that says "Send nudes" and kills multiple borers and a kudzu

[InsaneHyena]

>Be scientist
>Literally in the previous round learned how to make maxcaps
>Make more maxcaps
>Hear the news about the blob
>I will bomb the blob!
>First blob is in the medbay
>Rush there
>He's already dead
>The last blob is near kitchen!
>Rush there
>Holy molly, I am literally one tile away from the blob core
>It's time to end this round with a bang!
>BOOM
>The smoke clears
>The blob core is STILL THERE
>But I've killed a bajillion of other people
>Apparently blob cores are immune to explosions
>Whooops!
>Ahelp "I'm totally eating a ban for this, aren't I"
>Yes, I am

[DemonFiren]

blob is literally worst mode though

[InsaneHyena]

>Unbanned
>Continue my bombing adventures
>You're a head of revolution!
>Yes, that's really exciting and all, but first I'm gonna make maxcaps
>This time I'll use the method without the burning chamber
>Those bombs nearly kill me by leaking plasma and setting me on fire, one of them even blows prematurely
>Okay, I won't do that anymore, should stick to the burning chamber
>After I'll blow THOSE ones, that is.
>Command one of my minions to hack the RD's door for me
>Steal his hardsuit and go on a space adventure
>Leave one bomb near the HoS's cabinet
>Leave the second one near the armory
>And with the last one, I will get the HoP
>Travel to HoP's line
>See HoP's line
>CMO, RD, HoP and HoS are ALL standing there
>mfw
>I won't even bother to plant it, I can't risk one of them running off
>I'll just suicide bomb them all
>For the sake of the revolution, some sacrifices must be made
>In the excitement and hurry, I forget to detonate those other bombs
>ALLAH AKBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR
>Three of them are instantly vaporized
>HoP is sent into crit, so he won't be in this world for long
>Smile
>"The heads of staff have won!"
>Wait, what?
>I was the last revhead
>Two others managed to die
>IT WASN'T EVEN FIFTEEN MINUTES INTO THE SHIFT

[Qbmax32]

Here's another maxcap story Hyena

>be me, playing scientist, Max Capp. I do this for a living
>im a tator
>heff to kill rd and die gloriously
>rush a shitty 3 minute no-chamber maxcap that will blow up most of rnd except like, xenobio
>run up to rd
>hey, sorry I have to kill you
>open ttv
>BOOM
>i get vaporized instantly
>rd is at the epicenter of the blast
>TAKES NO DAMAGE
>RND IS LITERALLY FLYING APART AROUND HIM AND HE HAS TAKEN NO DAMAGE, EXCEPT SOME MINOR BRUISING FOR BEING IN SPACE FOR A FEW SECONDS
>he stands there, amazed as all of science is destroyed around him, he survives at the epicenter of the fucking blast
>Sebastian says: "What the fuck"
>walks off
>i salt in dchat
>get told to get good
>i cri every tiem

[InsaneHyena]

Yeah, it happens sometimes. Also, if he was wearing his hardsuit, it would not gib him anyway.

[Steelpoint]

I was playing an assistant disarming a syndie bomb, it went off yet despite the fact I was right next to it I survived with no damage taken. The HoP, a few tiles behind me, got launched into crit.

Seems bugged.

[InsaneHyena]

Yes, the bombs are bugged, and with how slowly explosions process, they are nearly useless as well. Everyone knows that. I still love making them, because I love making shit go boom.

[tacolizard]

Here's another maxcap story Hyena

>be me, playing scientist, Max Capp. I do this for a living
>im a tator
>heff to kill rd and die gloriously
>rush a shitty 3 minute no-chamber maxcap that will blow up most of rnd except like, xenobio
>run up to rd
>hey, sorry I have to kill you
>open ttv
>BOOM
>i get vaporized instantly
>rd is at the epicenter of the blast
>TAKES NO DAMAGE
>RND IS LITERALLY FLYING APART AROUND HIM AND HE HAS TAKEN NO DAMAGE, EXCEPT SOME MINOR BRUISING FOR BEING IN SPACE FOR A FEW SECONDS
>he stands there, amazed as all of science is destroyed around him, he survives at the epicenter of the fucking blast
>Sebastian says: "What the fuck"
>walks off
>i salt in dchat
>get told to get good
>i cri every tiem

FUCKING KEK! I was the RD! I died right before you maxcapped me and Arm adminbused and placed himself in control of my body and gave himself godmode or something.

[Armhulen]

Here's another maxcap story Hyena

>be me, playing scientist, Max Capp. I do this for a living
>im a tator
>heff to kill rd and die gloriously
>rush a shitty 3 minute no-chamber maxcap that will blow up most of rnd except like, xenobio
>run up to rd
>hey, sorry I have to kill you
>open ttv
>BOOM
>i get vaporized instantly
>rd is at the epicenter of the blast
>TAKES NO DAMAGE
>RND IS LITERALLY FLYING APART AROUND HIM AND HE HAS TAKEN NO DAMAGE, EXCEPT SOME MINOR BRUISING FOR BEING IN SPACE FOR A FEW SECONDS
>he stands there, amazed as all of science is destroyed around him, he survives at the epicenter of the fucking blast
>Sebastian says: "What the fuck"
>walks off
>i salt in dchat
>get told to get good
>i cri every tiem

FUCKING KEK! I was the RD! I died right before you maxcapped me and Arm adminbused and placed himself in control of my body and gave himself godmode or something.

i remember something like this at round end, i wouldn't possess anybody midround
but if that is this, i didn't godmode, that's genuinely why i said what the fuck

[Deitus]

>RD on meta
>startin up some research
>suddenly cmo calls that they're being mob lynched
>oh shit nibba
>grab toxins site hardsuit and fuck off into space
>get an idea
>go to escape in the little area between the two sets of doors and wait
>ill telebaton anyone that comes out and space them
>GENIUS
>get bored waiting but dont wanna call the horde so i just start chatting with the crew and ai
>get talking about games
>works its way to dead island / dead rising
>say something along the lines of "yeah i liked how the original dead rising was but then it just got to the point of being 'lol so random eks dee'"
>YOU HAVE BEEN BANNED FOR FIVE MINUTES FOR REASON: OOC in IC >:C
>yes exact quote
>wait out the five minutes
>come back asap
>hanging on a spike rack naked
>get killed by revs

wewie kablewie

[Armhulen]

>RD on meta
>startin up some research
>suddenly cmo calls that they're being mob lynched
>oh shit nibba
>grab toxins site hardsuit and fuck off into space
>get an idea
>go to escape in the little area between the two sets of doors and wait
>ill telebaton anyone that comes out and space them
>GENIUS
>get bored waiting but dont wanna call the horde so i just start chatting with the crew and ai
>get talking about games
>works its way to dead island / dead rising
>say something along the lines of "yeah i liked how the original dead rising was but then it just got to the point of being 'lol so random eks dee'"
>YOU HAVE BEEN BANNED FOR FIVE MINUTES FOR REASON: OOC in IC >:C
>yes exact quote
>wait out the five minutes
>come back asap
>hanging on a spike rack naked
>get killed by revs

wewie kablewie

you responded to my ahelp with a meme, i mean cmon man

[DemonFiren]

shit ban apologise to the man now
and for the love of all that is holy don't use emoticons what are you 12

[Deitus]

>RD on meta
>startin up some research
>suddenly cmo calls that they're being mob lynched
>oh shit nibba
>grab toxins site hardsuit and fuck off into space
>get an idea
>go to escape in the little area between the two sets of doors and wait
>ill telebaton anyone that comes out and space them
>GENIUS
>get bored waiting but dont wanna call the horde so i just start chatting with the crew and ai
>get talking about games
>works its way to dead island / dead rising
>say something along the lines of "yeah i liked how the original dead rising was but then it just got to the point of being 'lol so random eks dee'"
>YOU HAVE BEEN BANNED FOR FIVE MINUTES FOR REASON: OOC in IC >:C
>yes exact quote
>wait out the five minutes
>come back asap
>hanging on a spike rack naked
>get killed by revs

wewie kablewie

you responded to my ahelp with a meme, i mean cmon man

>*bwoink* ironic shitposting is still shitposting!
>haha armhulenn at it again he's just memeing
>meme back
>dingdongbannu
>mfw absolute madlad wasn't memeing

i mean if i had actually said "xD" instead of spelling it out phonetically as "eks dee" then MAYBE i could understand but cmon mang thats like banning someone for saying "lel" "kek" or "GET DAT FUKKEN DISK"

also 8709372158928092 hours in photoshop

[Armhulen]

>RD on meta
>startin up some research
>suddenly cmo calls that they're being mob lynched
>oh shit nibba
>grab toxins site hardsuit and fuck off into space
>get an idea
>go to escape in the little area between the two sets of doors and wait
>ill telebaton anyone that comes out and space them
>GENIUS
>get bored waiting but dont wanna call the horde so i just start chatting with the crew and ai
>get talking about games
>works its way to dead island / dead rising
>say something along the lines of "yeah i liked how the original dead rising was but then it just got to the point of being 'lol so random eks dee'"
>YOU HAVE BEEN BANNED FOR FIVE MINUTES FOR REASON: OOC in IC >:C
>yes exact quote
>wait out the five minutes
>come back asap
>hanging on a spike rack naked
>get killed by revs

wewie kablewie

you responded to my ahelp with a meme, i mean cmon man

>*bwoink* ironic shitposting is still shitposting!
>haha armhulenn at it again he's just memeing
>meme back
>dingdongbannu
>mfw absolute madlad wasn't memeing

i mean if i had actually said "xD" instead of spelling it out phonetically as "eks dee" then MAYBE i could understand but cmon mang thats like banning someone for saying "lel" "kek" or "GET DAT FUKKEN DISK"

also 8709372158928092 hours in photoshop

okay that edit is fucking hilarious

[bandit]

>Morph ahelps asking if it can eat the supermatter, or at least touch it
>Being a badmin, I suggest the morph try it out, promising to give it a new body if it fails
>Teleport morph into the SM chamber
>IT CAN
>It can't eat the supermatter but it sure as hell can attack it
>I make the morph a traitor and give it greentext for touching the SM and not dying
>The server crashes before round end

[Hatfish]

>start playing on Basil again since it has a lower pop during my active hours
>You are the Scientist!
>get R&D finished as normal, round has been quiet so far
>people keep walking into R&D to print things off themselves, even though my job is to do that for them
>Donatello Versus is the first person to actually greet me and ask permission to use the console, surprised by this since I've seen him as the silent validhunter type in the past
>some time later, ashwalkers invade the station. Donatello swings by for weapons to fight them.
>shortly after I get him his guns he incapacitates and cuffs an ashwalker
>At this point it was conscious again and begging for help
And here is where it all broke down.
>I dragged it off to medbay to stabilize it, with the hope that I could negotiate a truce to get the ashwalkers off the station (pretty dumb I know, but I saw an opportunity for fun RP and decided to take it)
>start getting it to negotiate for freedom, about to state my terms when Donatello pops in, thanks me for grabbing the ashwalker and starts lasing it to death
>I try to drag it off to stabilize it again and explain myself, get to the sleepers and shove it in
>Donatello tases and lases me, reports it over the sec channel and morgues me in the sec medbay
I salted a bit in deadchat after that and asked an admin to look into it, which they did. Donatello claimed that he thought I was an ashwalker because I was speaking to one in lizard, but I'm certain that he knew it was me because he acknowledged my job when he reported my death. I'm not even that mad now that I've typed this all out, just disappointed that Donatello is the same validhunter that he always was. All of his pleasant demeanor went out the window once I got between him and his kill.

[D&B]

Chain of Command + Aiding and Abetting + some ash walkers got violent already so their truce attempts afterwards were taken with scoffs.

Captain said kill em, HoS approved it, they attacked humans before, you dragging that one off to heal it either due to lizard solidarity or whatever wasn't really worth looking into since a miner revealed they sneaked about 20 eggs or so and they kept popping up here and then.

[Qbmax32]

THE GRAND STORY OF THE MOST AUTISTIC NUKE FLOP (ME) AND HOW THEY FAILED TERRIBLY

>be me, not you
>eh no more ss13 rounds, i guess ill sign up as assistant and do the suicide meme
>turns out, im an operative
>damn son
>tell lead op not to declare war
>"okay"
>everyone else agrees
>we get geared, stick our radios in and start discussing a plan
>we decide to steal the AI upload and Com. Console boards, subvert the AI with hacked board
>i get nominated to sneak in and steal the boards
>missionimpossible.jpeg
>go in through cargo maint
>some plasmameme sees me in while i pass by disposals, I bought a normal red suit to not alert people
>he says some vague stuff about me over the radio as i pass by
>emag in, unzip cr20, pew pew plasmameme ded
>move down through maint, getting ready to run through the hallway to the tunnel right next to it, its clear
>a wild QM appears
>he runs down towards me from maint, gun him down
>disguise as QM, another cargo tech wanders in, pew pew ded
>a third assistant wanders in while I sort my gear, pew pew ded
>im disguised
>run through the hallway to tech storage maint
>shoot the glass, put suit on because spess
>dont put on oxytank, gotta grab this before someone comes in hopefully i wont suffocate
>depressurization is shifting the boards around so fast i cant pick them up
>sunddenly, 2000 ping lagspike appears!
>keep trying to pick up the boards, they keep moving, meanwhile im suffocating
>can't even tell im suffocating because lag, back off to put on my oxytank, dont move fast enough, suffocate


>overburdened with shame, disconnect










fuck

oh also while we were planning, i was reiterating the plan to the ops and i accidently said in in OOC because hotkeys and because im retarded

uninstalling this game never playing it again tbh

[bandit]

what's the plan operatives

[Deitus]

>shaft miner on box
>B L O O D C U L T
>sac dat det
>yeah ok fine
>dick around and make a mining cult base
>kill other two miners, make em constructs
>tell wraith to go kill ai
>no teleport runes on the station
>go throw one down in aux base
>wraith doesnt know where ai sat is
>great
>others keep accidentally canidating for leader
>tired of it so go myself
>get it
>keep working on papers and shit
>aux base found out
>go back to station via shuttle
>try to find det
>mining base found
>tell em to pull out
>lure det to aux base by telling him to scan the rune
>paper and cuff him
>cue two cultists tp in from mining
>one disarms me
>det gets loose
>try to catch him
>other guy tries to laser him
>hits welding tank
>disarmer runs out and opens aux door, letting det out
>200% mad
>suicide cuz i aint dealing with that shit

the best laid plans will always be destroyed by incompetent teammates

always

[Deitus]

double post, this one happened a while ago and honestly surprised i forgot to post it

>late nite meta sybil
>playing as cap
>decide to try for station bsa since we /lowpop/
>work with qm to load up cargo shuttle
>shuttle wont leave even though we tell it to
>also notice that my flashlight and shit wont update to light dark areas
>miners reporting they cant pick up ore
>who goofed
>admin says a testmerge fucked up the server
>a fucked up testmerge you say?
>i bet it was - -
>yep here comes goofball for damage control in OOC
>telling us we're retarded when we ask whats going on
>call out goof for his shit
>"im not that bad you [long string of autistic profanity]!!!!"
>remind him of all his whiny pissbaby threads and how he admits to making code for himself and his circlejerk buddies
>he actually uses admin announcements to cuss me out and tell me im a liar
>post links to his rants
>thistriggerstheautist.gif
>suddenly i have the text "VALID" below my character sprite
>my name is changed to "furry faggot"
>WHO COULD POSSIBLY BE BEHIND THIS ABUSE I WONDER
>damage control reaches peak and admemes just hard reset the round

i honestly dont know why i didnt take caps and report his ass. i always need a reminder every now and again of how much of a cunt goof is though.

[DemonFiren]

the reminder we needed
not the reminder we deserved

[Deitus]

>play as HOS
>lings and bees from centcomm because haha why not amirite
>get a ling on the ground and start cuffing
>detective fires a shot because haha why not amirite
>hits me
>ling gets away
>go back to brig
>lawyer has armory access
>how in the fuck
>hop gave it to them without asking me because haha why not amirite
>rift in reality spawning infinite bees in brig now because haha why not amirite
>firing at it from warden control room
>dumbass warden opens the door
>tries to fire shotgun but cant figure out how to do it
>i get stunned by reagents and killed by bees
>warden clears out the rest of bees
>starts chain disarming my corpse for some reason
>strips me and leaves my body

why in the fuck am i always saddled with the most incompetent and brain damaged shitters as teammates and coworkers

i am salty as fuck

[Armhulen]

>play as HOS
>lings and bees from centcomm because haha why not amirite
>get a ling on the ground and start cuffing
>detective fires a shot because haha why not amirite
>hits me
>ling gets away
>go back to brig
>lawyer has armory access
>how in the fuck
>hop gave it to them without asking me because haha why not amirite
>rift in reality spawning infinite bees in brig now because haha why not amirite
>firing at it from warden control room
>dumbass warden opens the door
>tries to fire shotgun but cant figure out how to do it
>i get stunned by reagents and killed by bees
>warden clears out the rest of bees
>starts chain disarming my corpse for some reason
>strips me and leaves my body

why in the fuck am i always saddled with the most incompetent and brain damaged shitters as teammates and coworkers

i am salty as fuck

i thought my events were shit but if this is my competition

[Qbopper]

the rifts were all over the fucking place, there was one outside medbay and then it moved to inside medbay aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

thank fuck I had a baseball bat

also WHO THOUGHT A CHEM THAT MAKES YOU PARALYZED, INCAPABLE OF SPEECH OR MOVEMENT OR ANY INPUT, AND DOESN'T HAVE ANY OUTWARD VISIBLE EFFECT LIKE A FORCED EMOTE WAS A GOOD IDEA

FUCK

I WAS DYING IN THE HALLS AND LIKE 30 PEOPLE WALKED BY ASSUMING I WAS JUST STANDING AROUND

[Screemonster]

i honestly dont know why i didnt take caps and report his ass. i always need a reminder every now and again of how much of a cunt goof is though.

that shit should be logged if you're really mad enough to care

[Deitus]

i honestly dont know why i didnt take caps and report his ass. i always need a reminder every now and again of how much of a cunt goof is though.

that shit should be logged if you're really mad enough to care

as much as i would love to see goofball squirm and try and make up excuses for why he was allowed to do it ill pass. he's not worth the time or effort.

[DemonFiren]

i honestly dont know why i didnt take caps and report his ass. i always need a reminder every now and again of how much of a cunt goof is though.

that shit should be logged if you're really mad enough to care

as much as i would love to see goofball squirm and try and make up excuses for why he was allowed to do it ill pass. he's not worth the time or effort.

this is exactly what has allowed him to continue infesting /tg/ server and code
like jesus fuck where's your sense of duty
do this community a favour

[Screemonster]

day of the putter soon

[DemonFiren]

day of the putter soon

only a hole in one could have saved us

[tacolizard]

>play as HOS
>lings and bees from centcomm because haha why not amirite
>get a ling on the ground and start cuffing
>detective fires a shot because haha why not amirite
>hits me
>ling gets away
>go back to brig
>lawyer has armory access
>how in the fuck
>hop gave it to them without asking me because haha why not amirite
>rift in reality spawning infinite bees in brig now because haha why not amirite
>firing at it from warden control room
>dumbass warden opens the door
>tries to fire shotgun but cant figure out how to do it
>i get stunned by reagents and killed by bees
>warden clears out the rest of bees
>starts chain disarming my corpse for some reason
>strips me and leaves my body

why in the fuck am i always saddled with the most incompetent and brain damaged shitters as teammates and coworkers

i am salty as fuck

god that made me laugh.

Do you remember the name of the warden though? Because there's this hilarious fucking warden I've been seeing who seems like he's 10 years old. He brigged for killing the cap... for three minutes and told me to cool off. He also speaks with horrible grammar and misspellings, I think he might be your guy.

[MimicFaux]

I decide to roll botanist and grow some dank organic memes. Do my usual thing, get my suit together; rearrange the botany trays. Hack the vendors. Only botanist. No chef. Literally king of my own castle.
>Feels good
Chaplain comes by with poppies, gives me his blessing. I turn around and pump those poppies to 100 potency, give them densified chemicals, and shadow emission. Rename the tray Black Poppies, desc: A dark pact between civilian departments. Top off the water and nutrients, drag the tray down to the chapel once it's ripe. Give the chaplain a water bucket and bottle of harvest. He picks the poppy and the chapel is shrouded in darkness. He fucking loves it.

Go back to botany to grow more cool shit. Some assistants come by compliment me on the Poppies. I get to feel special and robust for growing something simple but generally loved. Then... out of the blue. A miner messages me, "Found some gatfruit. Do you want?" I practically trip over myself to say yes. Not only did the seed vault spawn, it spawned with gatfruit. Not only did gatfruit spawn, lifebringers didn't spawn either. Not only was the vault uninhabited,a miner found it. And above everything else, the miner was a brother to me, and freely gifted it, asking nothing in return.

I plant it. I tend to it. I watch it like a hawk. My crate order arrives so I top off its water and nutrients. In the time it took me to run to cargo and back, it had somehow fucking wilted.
I was completely devastated.
I can count the number of times I've gotten to handle gatfruit on one hand. Needless to say, it would have been all the difference in the world when the zombie outbreak happened later. I had grown monster tomatoes, blue space tomatoes and a bunch of wood. I snuck into the fitness room and started to barricade the area. It was less than a minute before the shuttle when an electrical storm hit none other than the fitness room plunging me into darkness. Blinded and with my defended only half set up, I got ganked in the dark and killed by zomboes. My final thoughts were of my gatfruit. RIP.

[DemonFiren]

>dark pact
>not dank pact

also just like have the crate sent to you scrub