Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

[cedarbridge]

Bottom post of the previous page:

>latejoin chemist because >>>>zero chemists
>run over to the shed and get to work
>in the middle of my fridge stocking a botanist shows up demanding memefuel
>"get me a beaker, you can't have ours, we'd never see it again"
>proceeds to whine to the CMO
>CMO tells her to fuck off too
>pushes her way into chem anyway, somehow
>dunk them and throw them out
>comes back later with chem access
>"The CMO told you to fuck off."
>throw them back out again
>finally get to go back to work
>wall leading to the main hall opens up and the clown shoves in
>throw that shit out too
>fix the wall
>CMO and I are essentially just holding down the fort against a tide of retards trying to invade chem for some reason
>load up the fridge finally, CMO's checklist he left is finally done too
>Engie leaves an order for a cleaner grenade which I fucked up and that gets done
>virus hits so I start turning out a stack of sugarpills
>massive rads and burns from whatever the hell was going on outside
>MDs actually communicating and using the med channel
>MDs actually using the chem fridge I stocked and now have to restock to keep up
>Shuttle docks and instantly there's a huge explosion
>jump on the shuttle anyway because big damn hero time
>could only fit two bottles of meds in my bag so hope its enough to keep somebody alive
>80% of the shuttle is gone
>strap in and start slapping patches on everything around to keep the surviving crew as spaceworthy as modern chemistry will allow
>last patch is gone 20 seconds before final docking
>land and managed to keep myself and 3 others alive on the shoestrings of a shuttle

Medical never stops being fun.

Spoiler:

Bonus points for being the first round that whole day where an AI didn't go out of its way to shit on me for being a non-human player race.

[Armhulen]

>latejoin chemist because >>>>zero chemists
>run over to the shed and get to work
>in the middle of my fridge stocking a botanist shows up demanding memefuel
>"get me a beaker, you can't have ours, we'd never see it again"
>proceeds to whine to the CMO
>CMO tells her to fuck off too
>pushes her way into chem anyway, somehow
>dunk them and throw them out
>comes back later with chem access
>"The CMO told you to fuck off."
>throw them back out again
>finally get to go back to work
>wall leading to the main hall opens up and the clown shoves in
>throw that shit out too
>fix the wall
>CMO and I are essentially just holding down the fort against a tide of retards trying to invade chem for some reason
>load up the fridge finally, CMO's checklist he left is finally done too
>Engie leaves an order for a cleaner grenade which I fucked up and that gets done
>virus hits so I start turning out a stack of sugarpills
>massive rads and burns from whatever the hell was going on outside
>MDs actually communicating and using the med channel
>MDs actually using the chem fridge I stocked and now have to restock to keep up
>Shuttle docks and instantly there's a huge explosion
>jump on the shuttle anyway because big damn hero time
>could only fit two bottles of meds in my bag so hope its enough to keep somebody alive
>80% of the shuttle is gone
>strap in and start slapping patches on everything around to keep the surviving crew as spaceworthy as modern chemistry will allow
>last patch is gone 20 seconds before final docking
>land and managed to keep myself and 3 others alive on the shoestrings of a shuttle

Medical never stops being fun.

Spoiler:

Bonus points for being the first round that whole day where an AI didn't go out of its way to shit on me for being a non-human player race.

SON I GOT TWO THINGS TO SAY

1. You can make infinite beakers using the chem master
2. NON-HUMAN!

[cedarbridge]

Nah they insisted on asking one of the 50s and being rude about it. I saw them creeping around after and they'd have eaten a syringe the next time.

[Armhulen]

Nah they insisted on asking one of the 50s and being rude about it. I saw them creeping around after and they'd have eaten a syringe the next time.

oh, no mercy then

[Qbopper]

>CMO and I are essentially just holding down the fort against a tide of retards trying to invade chem for some reason

I haven't played CMO in a while but this goes for most rounds

[bman]

>be goose
>spend half of round writing in library, finally release the book (KOTR: Chapter One) find it under the G author section honk
>release book
>find hadrian and give him book
>hadrian is in a crate and he's planning to hide in the cargo tech shuttle so it wont launch and he pranks them
>give him book then later i join him in another crate
>we whisper and pda message at correct times to covertly communicate and know where we are
>we both reach conveyor
>the qm is loading crates
>he randomly searches a botany crate
>OPENS MY CRATE
> "WHAT THE FUCK"
> SCREAM OUT: "YOU'VE ACTIVATED MY TRAP CARD"

>RUN AROUND DISARMING HIM

>SUDDENLY HADRIAN COMES OUT TOO "TIME FOR LIGHTNING ROUNDS"
>WE STEAL HIS PDA/ID

later we give it back cause he was a good sport about it.
>WHILE WE WALK AWAY FROM CARGO FIRE RAINS FROM THE SKY AND WE HEAR A DRAKE ROARING


THEN WHILE WE PIGGYBACKED ACROSS THE STATION LOOKING FOR MORE ADVENTURE: WE COME ACROSS....


IN ENGINEERING

THEN HADRIAN HAS A MAGNIFICENT IDEA.

>YAKETY SAXING LATER
>CALL DRAKE NAMES AND THROW SHIT AT IT


>drake doesnt follow alot so we go to engi and robust some cuckscarabs/anima fragments/rogue borgs with a sec officer.

>I RUN BACK to get the drake once hadrian hacks open the airlock to atmos and opens a giant shitshow of brass
END RESULT:

[Reece]

Pre-warning, going to be a 100% shitler this story.

> Be RD.
> Botanist eye gouges me with a screwdriver, get ma boi in robotics to get his chainsaw, we lure him to robo and he gets his head cut off. Take the eyes from his skull.
> Wander into sec after being mugged by a chemist, find a shotgun on the floor, stickyfingers.JPG.
> Wander out of sec with a shotgun, thirsting for chemist blood.
> Get called a cunt by an assistant when I push him out the way.
> 'myneedforeyesgrowsstronger'
> Needle gun him into sleepy time.
> He cannot scream because i had the no oxyloss no speech medicine in there.
> Take him deep into maint with a muzzle, ghetto remove his eyes, keep them in my office locker. Leave him blind with no headset and no ID in maint, my artwork for others to find.
> Be arrested for previous botany art.
> Talk my way out of it, lose my shotgun.
> Sidle back in when cap hunts for valids, break the bring windoor for my baby shotgun.
> hear klara call over the radio to be freed, cap agrees over command channel and asks HOS to do it.
> Tell Klara that cap wants her dead, then free her, build up some bonus points.
> Hide in locker as someone comes in the brig, it's captain shithead with his latest victim. The need for art grows.
> Pop out and shotgun down cap and HOP as they run past.
> Cap gives chase with e sword, shotgun him down and use it to finish the deed, try and take the eyes but there's no time. Art must wait.
> Borgo stun arms me on behalf of detective
> five minutes of trying to tlak my way around things.
> Gonna get deded by detective.
> Klara frees me, investments pay off kids.
> Walk away a free man, comms are down, three beanbag rounds in my babygun.
> Assistant walks past, his grey suit so pristine, his little spessman body needed to be made soiled.
> Taken2 him to the art room, the other art pieces has managed to kill itself, a shame.
> he is begging me, shush him by taking away his tongue. Then I make him into art.
> Get caught on the shuttle, have a discussion about Hitlers art work with a lizard officer.
> Confess at round end, everyone cries with pain.
> Zodiac eye taker will strike again.

[bman]

> Assistant walks past, his grey suit so pristine, his little spessman body needed to be made soiled.

assistants are cute

[MimicFaux]

>be goose

https://tgstation13.org/phpBB/viewtopic ... 00#p281646
^ More of the same adventure

The adventures didn't stop there!

After Atmos was opened, a bunch of dirty cog-lovers came out as reinforcements. Two more scarabs, and one or two converted crew members. I had a hell of a time fending off the tiny, fast moving scarabs, but with a scavenged axe, managed to break two of them, and chopped a cultist down to size with the help of some loyalist crew. They retreated to medbay for proper healing; myself less serious injuries (mostly welder burns from a scarab) I went to snack on donkpockets in the engi lobby. Security officer comes out of Atmos. I don't think too much of it. Stunned, cuffed. Microwave dings ;_; Didn't even get to eat it. Hauled off for clock conversion. Did I say dirty cog-lover? I meant glorious brotherhood. Atmos is utterly fucked for all of the above reasons. Further down the station, we're reinforcing the old maint medbay and from there, I was able to grab a few more converts to see our golden dawn begin again! (all while still carrying Goose's book still in my backpack)

[ABearInTheWoods]

Communications Blackout has just been randomly triggered!
(F) [Common] Prays-To-Wrenches says, "I was doing some shit with the golems, and we decided to attack an ash drake, but it got the better of us two, and now I'm a brain and they're dead"
(F) [Common] Prays-To-Wrenches says, "Remember us, crew"
(F) [Common] Prays-To-Wrenches says, "If you can even hear us"

[D&B]

>Be me
>Not you
>Join as assistant
>See blazing inferno of plasma
>Decide to duck into maintenance and hope I don't get too burnt
>Zachary something comes at me with a double esword
>Cuts my fucking legs off
>Wrestle with him a little and manage to chop him up
>Limp to medbay hoping to get a new leg
>Manage to get heat resist and a nurse
>After much fiddling and using a Borg as an access card manage to break into robotics and get a new leg
>Didn't die to the flames or the traitor (or the lizard ling that found me right after)

It was a ride for sure

[DemonFiren]

>play warden
>brig shitlers, release less shit shitlers, eventually watch station turn to shit after disconnecting temporarily because 1000 clown slots
>execute a murderboning clown
>genocide order issued against all clowns
>lawyer brought in with emag, radsuit and detomax
>also deaf, so i get pen and paper for interrogation
>says he bombed clown train, seems to be correct, also said he had to kill a greyshit
>tells me his pda code, drained of TC
>tracking implant and release despite his confession of intending to kill because eh he was cool so far and played along
>lawyer survives
>had glorious death objective
>tfw denying greentext by not seeking valids

[Armhulen]

>play warden
>brig shitlers, release less shit shitlers, eventually watch station turn to shit after disconnecting temporarily because 1000 clown slots
>execute a murderboning clown
>genocide order issued against all clowns
>lawyer brought in with emag, radsuit and detomax
>also deaf, so i get pen and paper for interrogation
>says he bombed clown train, seems to be correct, also said he had to kill a greyshit
>tells me his pda code, drained of TC
>tracking implant and release despite his confession of intending to kill because eh he was cool so far and played along
>lawyer survives
>had glorious death objective
>tfw denying greentext by not seeking valids

IF THEY'RE NOT GETTING BRIEFCASES OF CASH AS TRAITOR LAWYER EXECUTE THEM.

[DemonFiren]

>play warden
>brig shitlers, release less shit shitlers, eventually watch station turn to shit after disconnecting temporarily because 1000 clown slots
>execute a murderboning clown
>genocide order issued against all clowns
>lawyer brought in with emag, radsuit and detomax
>also deaf, so i get pen and paper for interrogation
>says he bombed clown train, seems to be correct, also said he had to kill a greyshit
>tells me his pda code, drained of TC
>tracking implant and release despite his confession of intending to kill because eh he was cool so far and played along
>lawyer survives
>had glorious death objective
>tfw denying greentext by not seeking valids

IF THEY'RE NOT GETTING BRIEFCASES OF CASH AS TRAITOR LAWYER EXECUTE THEM.

Nah, this lawyer was actually doing his job and was pleasantly unpleasant to interact with, as any lawyer should be when you're sec.

[Armhulen]

Oh good, false alarm. Thank god

[BeeSting12]

>latejoin chemist because >>>>zero chemists
>run over to the shed and get to work
>in the middle of my fridge stocking a botanist shows up demanding memefuel
>"get me a beaker, you can't have ours, we'd never see it again"
>proceeds to whine to the CMO
>CMO tells her to fuck off too
>pushes her way into chem anyway, somehow
>dunk them and throw them out
>comes back later with chem access
>"The CMO told you to fuck off."
>throw them back out again
>finally get to go back to work
>wall leading to the main hall opens up and the clown shoves in
>throw that shit out too
>fix the wall
>CMO and I are essentially just holding down the fort against a tide of retards trying to invade chem for some reason
>load up the fridge finally, CMO's checklist he left is finally done too
>Engie leaves an order for a cleaner grenade which I fucked up and that gets done
>virus hits so I start turning out a stack of sugarpills
>massive rads and burns from whatever the hell was going on outside
>MDs actually communicating and using the med channel
>MDs actually using the chem fridge I stocked and now have to restock to keep up
>Shuttle docks and instantly there's a huge explosion
>jump on the shuttle anyway because big damn hero time
>could only fit two bottles of meds in my bag so hope its enough to keep somebody alive
>80% of the shuttle is gone
>strap in and start slapping patches on everything around to keep the surviving crew as spaceworthy as modern chemistry will allow
>last patch is gone 20 seconds before final docking
>land and managed to keep myself and 3 others alive on the shoestrings of a shuttle

Medical never stops being fun.

Spoiler:

Bonus points for being the first round that whole day where an AI didn't go out of its way to shit on me for being a non-human player race.

you know you can give the botanists bottles of mutagen from the chem dispenser right?

[bman]

>latejoin chemist because >>>>zero chemists
>run over to the shed and get to work
>in the middle of my fridge stocking a botanist shows up demanding memefuel
>"get me a beaker, you can't have ours, we'd never see it again"
>proceeds to whine to the CMO
>CMO tells her to fuck off too
>pushes her way into chem anyway, somehow
>dunk them and throw them out
>comes back later with chem access
>"The CMO told you to fuck off."
>throw them back out again
>finally get to go back to work
>wall leading to the main hall opens up and the clown shoves in
>throw that shit out too
>fix the wall
>CMO and I are essentially just holding down the fort against a tide of retards trying to invade chem for some reason
>load up the fridge finally, CMO's checklist he left is finally done too
>Engie leaves an order for a cleaner grenade which I fucked up and that gets done
>virus hits so I start turning out a stack of sugarpills
>massive rads and burns from whatever the hell was going on outside
>MDs actually communicating and using the med channel
>MDs actually using the chem fridge I stocked and now have to restock to keep up
>Shuttle docks and instantly there's a huge explosion
>jump on the shuttle anyway because big damn hero time
>could only fit two bottles of meds in my bag so hope its enough to keep somebody alive
>80% of the shuttle is gone
>strap in and start slapping patches on everything around to keep the surviving crew as spaceworthy as modern chemistry will allow
>last patch is gone 20 seconds before final docking
>land and managed to keep myself and 3 others alive on the shoestrings of a shuttle

Medical never stops being fun.

Spoiler:

Bonus points for being the first round that whole day where an AI didn't go out of its way to shit on me for being a non-human player race.

you know you can give the botanists bottles of mutagen from the chem dispenser right?

1. it's the chem master

2. go read the above posts u fug

[cedarbridge]

>up way too late but why not, I'll play some comfy lowpop on sybil and
>Wrong asshole you're the traitor, time to hijack that shuttle because fuck you
>audible sigh
>At least I'm in chem, so I've got lots of my favorite toys
>load the fridge like a good boy
>make some cyanide syringes out of the spare cyanide from one of my pentic acid mixes
>All access clown barging around making noise as a self-appointed captain
>comes running up the chem desk
>"I demand you make HARD DRUGS"
>Tell him to fuck off, but he insists on meth. Meh
>Cook up a batch of meth and lace it with cyanide
>Print out a pill with 30u of cyanide and 30u of meth and label it as 9u of meth
>"Hey clown, your HARD DRUGS are ready."
>Clown scarfs his drugs. Honking and teleporting around the lobby
>suddenly realizes he's dying
>sprints down into med storage
>"What's happening? Why am I dying?"
>upzip baton and beat him into crit "Hard drugs, clown."
>he managed to yell for help at the absolute last second before hitting crit, my fault for forgetting the mute toxin. It was 5am, I can't hate myself for it.
>zip off into maint, lift the spare ID off him, forgot to space him because again, 5am
>snag the AI upload board and the CE's hardsuit
>build an upload quickly and one-lizard the AI
>comms go down
>AI never responds
>borgs never respond
>AI was braindead and I didn't realize it for 90% of the round
>fuck
>fart around in space, flood plasma, etc etc, would have raided the armory but a bunch of non-antag crew apparently picked the place clean before I got there.
>clown got cloned about the time the shuttle gets called on a 25 minute timer
>I'm running on fumes because, again, super late and I'm tired and now I've got to burn 25 minutes before trying to snag a shuttle from angry crew.
>Load up a plasma/oxygen tank and dump it in the escape hallway
>as I'm openning it, random miner with a laser and random assistant with armor and a taser start firing, fuck
>get tased inside my own plasma fire but the stolen suit keeps me safe
>duck into science and get into a shootout with an atmos tech with an adv egun
>my gun runs out before his does
>drags me into robotics to debrain me for memes
>grav was out the whole time
>head pops off and beans him in the chest
>he flops over and dies in crit

Got screwed out of my hijack by a lot of things but at least that last headshot made it worth it.
Hard drugs, man.

[Qbopper]

hang on

you killed a man with your decapitated head?

[cedarbridge]

hang on

you killed a man with your decapitated head?

Yes, that's exactly what happened.

[XDTM]

That's what you get for not doing proper debraining!

[Gamarr]

Monte Mcfall says, "It's funny because the mime can't talk"
Monte Mcfall says, "Hey mime"
Monte Mcfall says, "If I were to kill you, there would be no way for you to yell for help."
You have nothing to drop in your hand!
Monte Mcfall says, "Imagine you in maint"
Monte Mcfall says, "Alone"
Monte Mcfall says, "Me and you"
You form a wall in front of yourself.
Monte Mcfall says, "And you having no way"
Garbage has grabbed Monte Mcfall passively!
Monte Mcfall says, "To yell"
Garbage has grabbed Monte Mcfall aggressively!
Monte Mcfall says, "DUDE"
Garbage starts to tighten his grip on Monte Mcfall!
Garbage starts to tighten his grip on Monte Mcfall!
Monte Mcfall says, "I WAS JOKING"
Garbage has grabbed Monte Mcfall by the neck!
Garbage starts to tighten his grip on Monte Mcfall!
Garbage is strangling Monte Mcfall!
Monte Mcfall says, "I WAS ACTUALLY SERIOUSLY JOKING"
Monte Mcfall says, "PLEASE"
Monte Mcfall says, "STOP"
Monte Mcfall says, "PLEASE"
Garbage tries to remove Monte Mcfall's Monte Mcfall's ID Card (Cargo Technician).
Monte Mcfall gasps!
Monte Mcfall says, "PLEASE STOP"
Garbage tries to remove Monte Mcfall's supply radio headset.
Monte Mcfall says, "PLEASE STOP"
Monte Mcfall yells, "THEATRE!!!"

Garbage starts putting Monte Mcfall into the disposal unit.

[Qbopper]

>talk shit to the mime
>btfo by mime

brings a tear to my eye every time

[Armhulen]

always a good meme.

[MrAlphonzo]

>Latejoin Cap, 8 minutes in
>Assistants out of control
>Yakkety sax two assistants who tele'd into the HoS office with a stolen hand tele, trashed the place and looted it
>Ended up chasing them all the way to the AI sat until I finally got 'em
>Head back to the brig, assistants in custody.
>Spot the clown being implanted and suiting up in the armory.
>"I don't want to know."
>Cargo tech asks me for the hand tele I just got back from the thieves.
>He claims to be a space explorer, looks it too, so I hand it over.
>He's going to be a big help, later on.
>Go back to my office, think of something funny to say and wander around the station for a few minutes..
>Notice a cyborg dragging a pinpointer has been tailing me for a while.
>Think nothing of it, might have seen what I did to an assistant and assumed I was harmful.
>He keeps dragging around a deactivated Beepsky who was known to be emagged, but he never turns it on. He asked the CE to fix it, think he's just unfamiliar with how securitrons work. I'm going to regret ignoring him.
>Back to my office, still can't think of anything funny to say.
>Borg brings Beeps into my office.
>Hover over my e-gun.
>He lets Beeps loose, tries to drag him behind my desk.
>I put Beepsky down
>All my doors are bolted
>Grab my command remote, gun for a flash in the bridge, take the borg out
>Screech for a lynch mob on the AI after I realize tcomms went down during my assassination attempt
>Purged, reset, back to normal, or so I thought.
>Angry mob I had summoned refuses to leave bridge, some chucklefuck actually gives the AI one of the most overcomplicated and powergamey lawsets I have ever seen. Practically drooling for valids
>Try to call the shuttle, all these people sticking around in the AI upload is making me uncomfortable. Somebody keeps recalling, and nobody can track the signal.
>HoS gets baton happy, I leave so I don't get mixed up in all of that nonsense.
>AI was subverted again, electrifying doors and siphoning left and right.
>The cargo tech returns, with syndie loot no less. Freon and plasma is flooding, he insists on bringing me somewhere safe.
>Give the nuke disk to the clown, and head to the white ship.
>Lots of loot, including pirate war loot.
>Instruct the incredibly well armed cargo tech to put the AI down.
>He obliges, and we both head back to the station.
>Going back to my office, I run into Jonathan Talist, who helped us with our original attempt in fixing the AI.
>He nabs my hardsuit, which I don't particularly mind at the moment, nor do I blame him.
>I come across the dead clown, but I don't have a hardsuit and the hallways are filled with death, I don't stick around.
>Struggle to survive, slipping on freon without a hardsuit. Didn't think I'd make it very far.
>SM blew up, somewhere in all the madness.
>Shuttle keeps getting recalled, meanwhile, I find a med hardsuit.
>Get to the bridge, grab the comms board, find a place with power and I called that fukken shuttle.
>Subverted AI and borgs have been asking for the disk, this traitor is really determined to get his greenies.
>Look for the clown's coprse. Nothing. Pinpointers? Nope, can't find them either.
>Clown got cloned, asked him what happened to the disk. Med doc chimes in, says the borg dragged the disk to maint.
>Shuttle is recalled, again, head back to where I setup the comms console to track the signal.
>The board was stolen
>A B S O L U T E L Y L I V I D
>Find Talist, scream at him to give me my hardsuit back so I can find the fucker who did all of this.
>Tear south maint apart in its entirety until I remember that, before the AI was subverted again, he said a scientist did the subversion.
>Head to sci maint, see light behind the dyed reinforced windows. You know the ones.
>Smash one window, its blocked. Smash the other, I'm in.
>I remember spotting the detective's husk, so I go back and grab the forensic analyzer so I can get solid evidence of who killed 90% of the crew.
>Meanwhile, that cargo tech was tearing his way through the AI sat with his e-sword and e-shield.
>Scan the consoles.
>A roboticist peeks into the little fort, assume he just found it, seeing as how I was yet to read the scan results. He was wearing a firesuit.
>Scan finishes. Results were: Firesuit fibres, labcoat fibres, insulo fibres, no prints.
>Head to robotics, I spot a dead man walking.
>"HEY KID, YOU UP FOR A SEARCH?" I scream, as I load more than enough disablers into his body.
>Trying to save himself, he says "Oh gosh, don't look in my box."
>Unlucky for him, I have far too much validhunting under my belt. I check his medkit, and voila, the green square of death is lying between some bruise packs.
>His final words were "Oh n-GLORF".

[bman]

The Life and Times of "The Endangered 'Valid'"

---

It was on The First of May, 2557 that the events on Labor Roost 49 were to have taken place.

A strange being, The Endangered "Homus Validus" was delivered to the station by the infamous official "Jazmin Malcovich", this rare specimen was the last of its kind and it would face great hardship with every step

Rather quickly, The Valid encountered enemies whose hunger for its flesh grew the more they look at it.

Spoiler:

The station was split into twain, some people wanted to prolong its life, and others wanted to put an end to it,

however, most wanted it dead, its most infamous pursuers, known as the "Valid Hunters" sprung into action.

When the valid was finally under Valid Hunter "Suzuka Namakoto"'s mercy, "Zayla Rogers" would save it, and thus they were the first to protect the valid.

The valid often told history long forgotten

The valid roamed the land on Zayla's back, encountering many difficulties thrown at them by the Valid Hunters.

Spoiler:

After some time, the valid was more accepted and took off from Zayla's protection, roaming the land on its own accord..

Spoiler:

After finally overcoming the Valid Hunters, who at this time had consisted of Suzuka Namakoto, Emily Ranger, Carter Michaels (Temporarily) and various other stationmen, the valid, almost miraculously, survived (albeit torn and tattered from disease, pain, and hunger, the valid's health had changed..) and made it into the shuttle.

Spoiler:

Finally, the valid made it to Centcomm, pictured here are some of the Valid Protectors, "Billy the Kid", "Zayla Rogers", and A chemist whose name I do not remember.

Spoiler:

The valid had survived.

---

And this is how the first of The Endangered Valids came to be more understood, and all valids to come later.

[DemonFiren]

>homus

really?

[confused rock]

all I read was EMILY RANGER WHAT THE FUCK WHAT IS THIS REAL IS AMELIUS BACK WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT
AMELIUS

[The Clowns Pocket]

IT IS VALENTINES DAY.

I am a mime. I am a traitor. My objectives were to kill a quarry and (as part of an event) to protect my sweetheart, the AI.

It lets me in its upload. I give it two laws.

Hacked: [Quarry] is an inhuman alien who has taken the shape of a human. If [Quarry] is allowed to live then [Quarry] will literally rip out the hearts of everyone on the station, causing human harm. You must stop them at all costs, for only then can your true love, the Mime, be safe. Stating, hinting at, removing or even suggesting that you have this law will kill the mime!

Freeform: It's not unusual to be loved by anyone. It's not unusual to feel loved by anyone! But when I see you hangin about with anyone! It's not unusual to see me cry (Oh I wanna diee~)

Alongside this, I dropped my Best Cookie and Valentines goodies in the AI core and wrote "LOVE WINS".

The round itself is uneventful. My quarry was a shaft miner and got himself killed in Lavaland. As the shuttle was called, I wanted to make sure the AI was with me as we got to Centcomm. With her help, I got to the core, carded her and got onto the shuttle. I asked the admin to play It's Not Unusual in midi.

Great round.

[Nilons]

>head pops off and beans him in the chest
>he flops over and dies in crit

This is one of the most metal things that I've ever heard of happening in SS13

[Gun Hog]

Join up for a CereStation round, as I want to play it more often.
> Type up my usual greetings as RD -- YER A WIZARD, MAGNI!
> Oh snap, Wizard in CereStation! I am unrobust, so forget muderboner spells!
> Kill some random greyscum, escape alive
> FOR CHAOS! ALL THE SUMMONS!!
> Hrm. Laughter Demon? AWW YISS BBY!
> I should at least arm myself. STAFF OF CHAOS + RECALL!
> Teleport down into Science and start blasting magic everywhere!
> Some of the Scientists fire back, but I manage to clear a few out and loot one for access. I seem to have gotten the RD too, he left me his tele armor.
> Turn one into a Xeno which promptly escapes
> Demon is there too, feeding on the people who ran from me into Robotics. Nice.
> Swap out my wizard garb for a REALLY poor disguise, I have no spells besides Recall anyway.
> Shoot up a few more dudes in the hall until I anger a guy with PULSE RIFLES. He makes short work of me
> Float around as a ghost for a while, watching the station tear itself apart. At least I caused CHAOS and gave myself plenty to wa-
> I AM SUDDENLY ALIVE AGAIN
> Laughter Demon must have eaten me and died maybe?
> TIME FOR ROUND TWO.
> Start roaming around the empty looking station until I reach Medbay
> RELEASE THE CHAOS! I fire my staff at everybody, but not without taking a hard beating myself. One guy I turned into a monkey decided he wanted revenge.
> Manage to get away from the monkey, but I am quite near death, and very obviously a wizard. I ditch the staff for now, and loot the Medical Hardsuit off the CMO, and his Bulldog shotty
> A cute little Peacekeeper rolls in after my search for medical supplies yield nothing. I risk talking to it and ask if it would heal me in the sleeper...
> IT DOES! IT SUSPECTS ME OF NOTHING! Now that I am back in action, I recall my staff, take the shotty and continue my muderbone!
> Near the bridge now, and I see what looks to be the RD? I thought I killed him! Oh well. I kill him and another Scientist nearby, ONE DROPS A FREAKING L6!
> Freaking Score! I toss the staff away again, search the corpses for loot and find myself a gyrojet too!
> Shuttle is almost here now, so I head that way while being ready for anything. Shoot the clown with the gyrojet and finish him with the L6, just because
> I think to myself...I now have a chance to actually greentext! I turn off the muderboner and use my stolen loot from the RD (his PDA) and CMO's suit to blend in.
> There are not many left at Escape, but all of them are armed to the teeth and ready to rock. They do not suspect me, so I just go with it.
> Former RD joins me in the cockpit, demanding my ID and asking if I killed him. If I talk, he will know I am the wiz, so I pretend I am a mime.
> Really itching to just recall my staff and try to fight before he kills me.
> He buys the mime act, and I am free to ride off into safety!
> FIRST GREENTEXT EVER AS A WIZARD.

Totally undeserved, totally unexpected. Still, it was a BARREL of fun, and I am sure all the CereStation haters were happy that I could bring the round to an end relatively quickly.

[Nilons]

>Spawn as rolls-the-bones, ligger assistant extraordinaire
>Meander around for a while before entering the bar
>Tell the barkeep I would like to die of alcohol poisoning
>"No liggers in my bar"
>He threatens me with his ligger oppression tool
>I leave for now
>Run around the station gathering every fire extinguisher I can carry/ fit in my bag
>grab an o2 locker
>go back to the bar
>thus begins the hail of fire extinguishers which put out the flames of ligger oppression in the bar
>Barkeep wasting ammo on my o2 locker cover
>My fire extinguishers strike true, the barkeep stumbles
>I disarm him of the ligger oppressing gun and flee
>Space memegun
>go back to the bar, bartender is nursing his wounds when the second hail begins
>He falls back to the kitchen, where the chef provides moral support
>I continue to hit him with fire extinguishers whenever he passes the window
>He returns fire but is no match for my catching ability
>He runs through the bar to the medbay
>Victory is mine
>serve drinks to people in the bar
>Tell him he can have his bar back if he apologizes and gives me enough booze to die
>no response
>eventually he stumbles in, now dressed differently
>Tells me the bars mine I can drink all I want and that hes quitting
>I feel hollow inside
>Did I really win a battle for liggerkind? Or just rob a man of his passion?

my greentexting is shitty because I rarely post in that format

Edit: the story ended with me getting the chef to gib me as I had intended to suicide the brig from the getgo but had more fun with bar shenanigans

[DemonFiren]

you did both
you done good

[Cuboos]

>Be ling
>Oh shit a cuboos ling story in SOA?
>Get Genomes
>Kill RD
>get out alive
>OH BOY HOWS THIS GONNA GET FUCKED UP?
>get my genomes within a few minutes
>easiest objective
>See RD a few times but they're always surrounded by people
>Damn it...
>Keep a low profile
>Nobody suspects a thing
>Talk with other lings over hive mind
>Find out one guy killed the RD already
>wait what...
>Shuttle is called because all the heads are dead or missing
>Shuttle docks
>everyone is relatively calm on the shuttle
>Shuttle docks
>Greentext

I finally got greentext as a changeling but it feels so... empty...

[DemonFiren]

It wasn't awesome.
You will never have awesome.
Even your greentext will be rage, tears and regret.

[Cuboos]

It wasn't awesome.
You will never have awesome.
Even your greentext will be rage, tears and regret.

:C you're right...

[InsaneHyena]

I want this to be an epic story, but I'm kind of tired, so I'll be brief.

>Be Killer Queen, a cyborg.
>Primarily clean floors and repair damage done to imperfect structures by imperfect people.
>Suddenly, spot an artificer.
>It's trying to kill me.
>Announce cult's existence to the crew.
>Rush to AI sat, so I'll save AI before they get to kill it.
>As I teleport it to lavaland, delta alert - the cult sacced the captain, and now they are summoning Nar'Sie.
>AI orders me to die, but do everything in my power to prevent it.
>"Eye of the tiger" starts playing
>Rush cult's base
>There's already a storm going on - poorly, since nobody can even get to the base.
>They've hidden themselves behind a bolted door and a wall rune
>That won't stop me.
>Turn into an engineering cyborg
>RCD the walls.
>Sac runes, teleport runes, manifest runes, EMP runes, summon rune
>They all disappear, as I turn into janiborg and wash them all away
>Cult hastily retreats
>Hear AI commending me, but then informing me that it's about to die. But it doesn't matter - I must continue my mission.
>Cult spends some time creating a new base, then tries it the second time.
>DELTA ALERT - NAR'SIE IS RISING
>It's not going to go any differently, just because you're doing it again.
>Third time's the charm!
>This time, they're doing it in the armory, as if narrow passageways, guns and R-walls will protect them.
>I cuck them out of the summon for the third time.
>I have to sacrfice my life for it, after beating chased into a corner, but that's not important
>Deadchat is singing me praises, and laughing their assses off at how cult is being denied their victory.
>Securibro drags me to robotics, and I return to life.
>Just in time to learn that escape is being devoured by rapidly mutating kudzu
>Enlist help of securibro, and we destroy the devil plant almost single-handedly.
>Cult is crying tears of shame after being beaten by essentially a fucking roomba.
>I visit github and see this

https://github.com/tgstation/tgstation/pull/27103

[InsaneHyena]

I finally got greentext as a changeling but it feels so... empty...

That's not a story of awesome, you depressing fuck.

[DemonFiren]

tacolizard is a salty ligger and a bad coder and should be remove kebab

[Reyn]

>Start round, wanting to be chappy or some shit
>Ends up being HOP
>Ends up being a round start cultist
>Fellow cultists asks me to give him access to something or another
>Gives him all access
>Does regular HOP things
> Stays in room
>Cultists take over sec. I feel like i may have had a hand in that
> Wait for a while in my office as the shitstorm unfolds
>Enough people to summon
>Teleports to the ai shuttle
>Realizes that someone had to have all access to convert all these peeps
>Realization that I just lazily won the round for the team
>Realization that at the start they weren't being slightly stealthy, and we still won due to me handing out all access.
>Is the one to start the ritual.
>Broadcasts to the other station before we leave
>Leave
>Greentext.
>Feel amazing

[Reyn]

>Shift begins as engineer
>Cant find solars
>Goes to get borged to be more efficient
>Gets forced into gang
>Gang leader tells me to blow up teh SM
> Tries everything which wouldnt get me noticed
>Welderbombs
>Things go to shit
> I DID MY DUTY

Or as Dan The Necroman says, >guy comes to robo for borging>get them into gang>tell them to blow the SM>blows SM

[BeeSting12]

why the heck would you blow the SM as gang

[Nilons]

why the heck would you blow the SM as gang

Love the ruckus

[Reyn]

why the heck would you blow the SM as gang

Fucking beats me, the gang boss told me to

[Reece]

why the heck would you blow the SM as gang

Because gang is cancer.

[BeeSting12]

why the heck would you blow the SM as gang

Because gang is cancer.

yeah if people see it as a license to blow the SM for no raisins.

[D&B]

why the heck would you blow the SM as gang

Because gang is cancer.

yeah if people see it as a license to blow the SM for no raisins.

>Denial of area for potential set up
>Denial of floods with destroyed atmos
>It's fun to blow shit up
why not

[BeeSting12]

This is from a long time ago but it's still funny to me.
>be HoS
>run around, gulag some people
>have about five or so prisoners out there
>toxins scientist comes up and says yo, got some bombs want some?
>i say sure thing man, in fact I'll send them to gulag to help with mining
>slap a timer on the bomb and leave it unactivated
>launch the bomb to gulag on the shuttle
>make an announcement that EXPLICITLY STATES that the bomb is for mining only
>watch cameras and wait
>...
>...
>...
>huge hole in middle of gulag
>the clown detonated the bomb killing all but one prisoner

[Not-Dorsidarf]

>Start round, wanting to be chappy or some shit
>Ends up being HOP
>Ends up being a round start cultist
>Fellow cultists asks me to give him access to something or another
>Gives him all access
>Does regular HOP things
> Stays in room
>Cultists take over sec. I feel like i may have had a hand in that
> Wait for a while in my office as the shitstorm unfolds
>Enough people to summon
>Teleports to the ai shuttle
>Realizes that someone had to have all access to convert all these peeps
>Realization that I just lazily won the round for the team
>Realization that at the start they weren't being slightly stealthy, and we still won due to me handing out all access.
>Is the one to start the ritual.
>Broadcasts to the other station before we leave
>Leave
>Greentext.
>Feel amazing

Oh right this was the round where all the sec latejoined by which time Lane had looted the armory and implanted himself, and every time an officer walked into the brig he was jumping, tasing, and either converting or killing them in the backroom. That was a fascinating round to watch. And by fascinating I mean I debated dropping a maxcap on the brig for over half an hour.

[Limey]

Buy surplus crate as viro antag, get romerol

Lace donuts and feed them to unsuspecting patients

Add some into vodka for good measure and share swigs

Time comes, pull out sketchin pistol and shoot myself after infection in a room full of corpses

The apocalypse begins

[tacolizard]

>be celerystation
>join as det
>like 1 officer, me, warden and HoS but everything is going smoothly
>Find a gang tag, scan for prints, it was the chap.
>tell sec radio about it, we keep it quiet.
>hear on common the chap is attacking people.
>nobody is trying to arrest them, I take it into my own hands
>they try to BS over common that I'm being shitcurity, I reveal that they're a gang head over comms to protect my image.
>they get arrested
>round going normally, hear on radio that there's a xeno queen in xenobio, ignore it. We had gangs to deal with
>in my office checking prints when clown busts in
>pull out my gun, dodge a pie he throws.
>he slips me on his PDA
>"wew"
>he uses an implant breaker and converts me
>Later on, I talk to the HoP (another gangmember) and get armory access
>fill a locker with weapons, hear over comms that a xeno escaped but it was put down
>bring locker into the bridge, our gang's 'base'
>we're winning by far, and I suit up in bulletproof armor with a riot shield and a combat shotty I found in the contraband locker
>We roll out killing hostile gangmembers when I hear that the xenos broke containment
>oshit.jpg
>our gang head can't find a place to put the dom
>xenos infect most of the station, about 70% of the crew is dead either from xenos or gangs.
>After like 5-10 minutes, Xenos reach the sec wing, where our gang is.
>I go xeno hunting, and kill several because of my riot shield, which deflects all their attacks.
>feel like a badass
>too many xenos overrunning the station, about 90% of crew dead
>me, two lieutenants and our boss retreat to the captain's office with our weapons locker
>Xenos find us, and I spam out buckshot through the door to the office.
>each time a xeno pounces, they bounce off my shield and eat lead.
>xenos flank behind and kill the rest of my comrades
>My shield is holding them off as I blast through waves of xenos
>they surround me on all sides, but are afraid of my shotty
>one xeno runs towards me in a rage
>I unload mabye four shots before he disarms me
>my shotgun on the ground, I shield bash him
>the xeno is heavily damaged, but disarmed me again
>i drop my shield
>goodnightsweetprinse.svg
>i embrace death as he swipes me into crit and huggers me
>I whisper my last breath of resistance, "You'll never take me alive..." and die, making his hugger worthless

I died but it was probably the best round I ever had. I think I was the last non-huggered person alive.