Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Alipheese · Post by **Alipheese** » Tue May 17, 2016 9:41 am #177082

Bottom post of the previous page:

Spoiler:

Post by **Thunder11** » Wed May 18, 2016 2:01 pm #177409

RainofSpades was Ziggs Pippbottom the Head of Personnel and survived (used 20 TC)
Objective #1: Steal the captain's antique laser gun. Success!
Objective #2: Steal the head of security's personal laser gun. Success!
Objective #3: Steal a hand teleporter. Success!
Objective #4: Steal the chief engineer's advanced magnetic boots. Success!
Objective #5: Steal the medal of captaincy. Success!
Objective #6: Steal the hypospray. Success!
Objective #7: Steal the nuclear authentication disk. Success!
Objective #8: Steal a reflector vest. Success!
Objective #9: Steal the reactive teleport armor. Success!
Objective #10: Steal any set of secret documents of any organization. Success!
Objective #11: Steal 28 moles of plasma (full tank). Success!
Objective #12: Steal the station blueprints. Success!
Objective #13: Escape on the shuttle or an escape pod alive and without being in custody. Success!
Objective #14: Succeed Success!
The winner was successful!

So I just saw this, highly impressed

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed May 18, 2016 2:02 pm #177410

PKPenguin321 wrote:
Wyzack wrote:realtalk Carpenter Brut's trilogy is a fucking masterpiece
you have excellent taste my friend

Your story prompted me to finally download it to my phone. Disco Zombi Italia is my fucking jam

InsaneHyena · Post by **InsaneHyena** » Wed May 18, 2016 5:32 pm #177461

> Be scientist
> Do RnD
> Annoying ligger is annoying
> BLEB
> Do RnD faster.
> Cargo is competent for a change, get both resources and shotguns.
> Make xrays, give them to the crew.
> Wait, what is laser gatling?
> Make laser gatling.
> Time to unleash SCIENCE upon the bleb!
> Get killed by the clown with an xray

Not-Dorsidarf · Wed May 18, 2016 8:27 pm

confused rock · Thu May 19, 2016 9:50 pm

>miner
>find zombie ruin I Was looking for
>oldman steals the wrestling belt but I don't notice, ahelp the missing belt and shaps thinks it was removed
>later that very same meme
>get the inquisitor suit (as good as an ERP hardsuit with no light) from a tendril
>learn oldman stole the belt and that he is using the exploit to fire the ka faster
>become a salty buttbaby
>yell at shaps in a prayer that they were wrong
>still salty
>gangs place a dom
>grab gibtonite but by the time I get a reaction 1 or 0 gibtonite the dom is dead
>go on station and cash in points
>sec officer obviously coming to tase me
>bluespace crystal in hand
>they somehow manage to tase me before I even throw it 100% because of lag and not my fault I swear
>penned into gang
>they were the only shitty person in the gang and not the boss thank fuck
>other gang places dom in smes room
>gibtonite in with garithos
>space them with bluespace crystals
>kill a hardsuit engi in space with my ka
>later
>most of the station is gang
>they plan on domming soon
>garithos mentions killing oldman in science
>search science
>find belt
>did I mention we have a gatling laser? 50% station control too, this is going to be the easiest gang win ever, shame guns never get put to use, mats alone are too rare.
>ert alert
>go to arrivals
>ert shuttle docks
>scientist shreds them with the gatling laser and lube
>4 survivors, one of every ert member (There were 8 before)
>gatling guy dies
>engineer slips towards me
>cinch, begin throw attack (throws really far but does no damage unless they hit a wall, mostly for style.)
>throw into a wall in north arrivals
>begin to prepare for a leg drop
>they get too far away, end up falling on my ass
>they come back after a bit, about to stun me
>get up just in time to cinch them thanks to stims
>atomic slam him to death
>grab dead laser guy and run
>give gun to detective because I am wrestleman
>they are really dumb
>teach them exactly how it works
>they shoot ert from offscreen, just testing the gun out
>they almost immediately laser him dead
>gatling laser is down and I am slightly hurt, mining stims keep me at good speed though
>see commander who is obviously cj aj in a maint tunnel
>trick him into getting into range so I can atomic slam his dick to death
>atomic slam his dick to death
>unknown to me, offscreen med ert defibs them
>limping near bridge
>sec ert outta nowhere
>get a few lasers in me
>cinch
>throw into wall
>cinch again
>clown boss comes in and starts switchblading them
>tell them to stop because I want to leg drop them
>leg drop them
>do it a few more times
>they dead
>suddenly commander comes in and revolvers the clown boss to death and nearly me, but the special suit and brute patches keep me alive
>still burnt a bit and slow
>commander was still in the dark
>comes out
>commander appears to be crawling from all the body slams
>body slam him a few more times
>he ded
>round ends

InsaneHyena · Thu May 19, 2016 10:29 pm

I was the one who made the gatling. Seeing this thing in action was a joy to my heart.

ShadowDimentio · Fri May 20, 2016 5:33 am

>Be flop
>Nice
>Memes all over
>JOHN CENA airhorns, clown masks, wrestling belts, and the station's clown and bartender
>Well okay then
>Unexpectedly the bartender and clown aren't murdered and join us in meming the station
>Gear up with a SMG, adrenals and thermals.
>We storm the station in several sects
>I'm going straight for the captain
>He's at sec, went there after ops were sighted at escape
>Atomize him and several other guards and book it with the HoS injured but in hot pursuit
>Think I've escaped when the HoS finishes fighting with a heater and lasers me down
>Pop adrenals and shoot him with my pistol a few times
>Tazed again and drop my pistol
>Pop up again because adrenals were still up and disarm his gun
>Nearly dead, shoot him twice and he's down
>YES!
>Op guarding a useless power sink comes and helps me loot the captain
>Disk get
>Go to the shuttle and arm the nuke on-station
>Cruise back home to observe the memes
>Medals are given for acts of heroism
>Memes are deployed, no survivors expected
>V I C T O R Y

stiph · Post by **stiph** » Fri May 20, 2016 2:28 pm #178054

InsaneHyena wrote:>

> Meanwhile, Oldman Op instantly dies because space dust

What is Space dust?

Reece · Post by **Reece** » Fri May 20, 2016 2:36 pm #178058

stiph wrote:
InsaneHyena wrote:>

> Meanwhile, Oldman Op instantly dies because space dust

What is Space dust?

Sometimes dust flies in at superspeed and destroys what it hits.

stiph · Post by **stiph** » Fri May 20, 2016 2:57 pm #178063

Reece wrote:
stiph wrote:
InsaneHyena wrote:>

> Meanwhile, Oldman Op instantly dies because space dust

What is Space dust?
Sometimes dust flies in at superspeed and destroys what it hits.

Figures, but there is dust in muh 2d spessmens?

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Fri May 20, 2016 3:06 pm #178066

it is a sort of random event, usually harmless unless it hits a window. Never seen it hit a person though. You can tell where it has struck because it leaves behind a pile of sand

InsaneHyena · Post by **InsaneHyena** » Fri May 20, 2016 8:39 pm #178156

> Detective tator
> Really don't feel like doing syndicate revolver memes again
> Ask admins for a gimmick
> They tell me to frame someone for my crimes, so they can enjoy the salt in adminhelp
> I choose Tee Fury for no particular reason at all.
> Succesfully complete my objectives, leave Fury's fingerprints all over the place
> Innocently ask whose fingerprints are those. When sec ''''confirms'''' they belong to Tee Fury, they arrest him.
> Permabrig him. When he screams about me having no evidence and being braindead all this time, I say that he's a major shitler, and thus his word have no merit.
> He immediately starts salt in ooc.
> His salt is so powerful, admins shut down OOC chat.
> W E W L A D

Anonmare · Post by **Anonmare** » Fri May 20, 2016 8:45 pm #178161

I have a similar story with a ling.
>Some ling nerd managed to pass off all their heat onto this one nobody
>He get's chased down a hallway and as he was being chased, he turned into someone else .
>At that EXACT moment that guy was walking down the other side of the hallway.
>He get's beaten to death and cremated.
>Salts up ahelp
>Explain to him a Ling actually managed to frame him
>He starts laughing and says that's great
Why can't more people be graceful in defeat?

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Fri May 20, 2016 10:05 pm #178179

InsaneHyena wrote:> Detective tator
> Really don't feel like doing syndicate revolver memes again
> Ask admins for a gimmick
> They tell me to frame someone for my crimes, so they can enjoy the salt in adminhelp
> I choose Tee Fury for no particular reason at all.
> Succesfully complete my objectives, leave Fury's fingerprints all over the place
> Innocently ask whose fingerprints are those. When sec ''''confirms'''' they belong to Tee Fury, they arrest him.
> Permabrig him. When he screams about me having no evidence and being braindead all this time, I say that he's a major shitler, and thus his word have no merit.
> He immediately starts salt in ooc.
> His salt is so powerful, admins shut down OOC chat.
> W E W L A D

You know, I ought to hate you, but this is fucking brilliant.

Sun May 22, 2016 6:49 am

>assistant on meta
>admins are playing runescape midis
>run around saying "Buying jee eff"
>run into brig and propose my offer to the warden
>as I do this Hulk Hogan waltzes up and crits me with like 6 bear traps fnr
>consider ahelping but don't since he does CPR, mime is dragging me to medbay
>get my legs patched up and find a potted plant to hide in
>stalk around genetics until Hulk shows up
>aim for the legs and punch him into crit
>after this I consider that my fighting is bretty good
>decide that I must get augmented so I can become the ultimate unarmed fighter
>go to robotics, only get chest/head/right arm augmented so I can be half-Borg cyberpunk man
>reports of a mysterious ladder in the garden come over the radio
>I go check it out with HoS, captain, etc
>its a strange grassy area
>suddenly wall bursts open and we're swarmed with elite syndies
>I try to punch them off but take big damage
>we all escape except the captain who gets gangbanged
>some ligger crits me fnr with an extinguisher
>dragged to medbay
>as soon as I'm patched up singulo approaches
>it eats medbay but I escape thanks to spaceproof augments and a medibot I drag with me
>shuttle is coming and escape/the ladder got eaten so I head to arrivals pods to drop off the medibot
>as I head back I notice a new ladder at the arrivals lounge
>climb up, grab dead cap's laser, fire off like 3 shots before I'm murderized by syndies
>in deadchat admins say I'm the only dude attempting their event, so they give me a SECOND WIND
>move a few tiles before dying again next to a dead syndie who dropped a sword and shield
>by the grace of god im granted a THIRD and FINAL WIND
>grab sword and fight off the three syndies as I backpeddle deeper into the maze
>pass a shitload of spiders which the remaining syndies aggro instead
>duck into a little tunnel where I can't progress due to there being asteroid walls and me not having a pickaxe
>a few spiders wander in and I esword them, but my leg takes extreme damage in the process
>bleeding out due to weak flesh organic leg
>curse myself for not getting full augments
>search a dead syndie for medicine, no dice
>I know what I have to do
>cut off my own leg with the esword
>down a leg, but the bleeding has stopped and I can repair my robot chest with my welder
>pop out of my tunnel and grab a shield to kill more spiders
>all enemies are dead
>realize my health is rapidly dropping, spiders must have poisoned me
>a pickaxe materializes near me as centcomm announces that one faint crewmans vitals are still going inside the strange ladder
>try to get pickaxe but poison overtakes me
>die a heroic death
>40 gorillion ghosts were over my corpse
>deadchat commends me on sacrificing my leg to prevent bloodloss
>feels pretty good

Fun event/10

ShadowDimentio · Sat May 28, 2016 2:00 am

>Be mime
>Not a traitor for once
>Get hacking gear and break into places causing shenanigans
>HoP chelps, some cuck took him hostage
>Detective, HoS and cap are all wondering what to do
>Try telling the HoP to rest so the HoS can shoot the guy
>He doesn't follow me
>Whatever
>Break the window down and pull the HoP away
>HoS is a retard and tries tasing the guy through a windoor rather than disabling him
>Guy uses the disabler properly
>HoS detective and captain make a shitshow out of arresting the guy but they barely manage
>HoP is grateful for me being MVP
>Cap gives me a medal of valor
>Niceme.me
>Continue miming around
>Check R&D
>They're yelling at me to go away cause no acid
>Try stealing the chemistry dispensers because there are no chemists
>CMO stops and yells at me
>Mime that I was giving it to R&D
>They say fuck it and let me have it
>Go back to R&D and they just finished making a chem dispenser
>Laugh and take the dispenser back to chem
>SUDDENLY AWPERATIVES IN SCIENCE
>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>COWARDICE OVERTAKES ME AND I RUN
>REALIZE I CAN LOCK THEM OUT OF R&D IF I HACK FAST ENOUGH
>BUT IT'S TOO LATE
>DOOR IS EMAGGED OPEN AND ONE OF THE SCIENTISTS IS SHOT DEAD
>GRAB MY BOTTLE AND GET READY TO GLASS AN OP WITH A DOUBLE ESWORD
>GLASS AND TRY TO STAB HIM
>DOESN'T WORK
>DIE IN A BLAZE OF GLORY
>Awps win flawlessly minutes later

Post by **Armhulen** » Sat May 28, 2016 3:11 am #181077

ShadowDimentio wrote:snip

cool story but what about this was good, if this was me i'd be in tears and regret for that door hack

ShadowDimentio · Mon May 30, 2016 6:03 am

Sometimes victories are veiled in losses

Cayce · Post by **Cayce** » Tue May 31, 2016 6:26 pm #182459

>You are the chaplain.
>You are the traitor!

>Objective: Kill a miner. Fuck.
Mental Image: Scouring Lava Planet, dying to ash storms.

I take Godhand, and since we're on efficiency, I grab the soul gem and smoke spell.
I run to HOP and ask for mining access to bring back the holy spark from the lava planet.

>Get in the mining shuttle, go to mining station.
My target is on the station, braindead. Six taps from the Godhand, and he goes down.
Another miner appears, finding me over the beheaded corpse of his coworker.
I attack! Hit him with the Godhand six times. He dies. I throw them both into lava, and leave.

>Objectives completed. Zero TC used.
>I decide to do my job.. and further religion.

Hanging out near the chapel, my soul gem starts itching, so I ambush the mime with smoke and Godhand him to death, and then turn him into my first follower, as a wraith.

I wander into Cooper and attack him too, he manages to get the best of me and I go down.
>Mental Images of Red Text

>I apologize and he shows mercy. Break into medbay for a medkit.
>While I'm in medbay, my follower brings me Cooper's corpse, and he joins my flock as my second.
>Cooper was a traitor. Gives me his code.

>Shuttle is called because fire is consuming science.
>I bless the fire, and head for escape.
>While aboard the escape shuttle, I soul-stone two others, giving myself a small army of otherworldly servants.

>End round with 40 unused TC in two traitor uplinks.

confused rock · Tue May 31, 2016 6:49 pm

Kwisatz wrote: I take Godhand, and since we're on efficiency, I grab the soul gem and smoke spell.

god hand is literally the worst chaplain weapon unless it is blob. god hand cannot knock anything down, you are better off getting dark blessing.

also I just remembered this
>be on dream
>go into the locker room toilets for no reason
>for some reason admins spawned a fuck ton of space cash in the toilets or something, with a combined value of about 200,000 cargo points
>go to cargo
>hos is there
>he emags the console
>asks me to help him get loads of cargo points
>I have 200,000 cargo points of space cash

Anonmare · Post by **Anonmare** » Tue May 31, 2016 7:44 pm #182494

I spawned that, someone prayed for about a million dollars I think and i told them it was in the bathroom and you happened to wander in and get it.

Alipheese · Post by **Alipheese** » Fri Jun 03, 2016 6:13 am #183414

Spoiler:

InsaneHyena · Post by **InsaneHyena** » Thu Jun 09, 2016 7:07 am #185093

> Be sec officer
> Shocked doors and siphoned air everywhere
> Oh, I know what to do in this case.
> Make a shitload of thermite, grab a hardsuit and an ion, fly into open space
> Get to the right spot on the AI's sat and begin burning in
> Suddenly, a person in a red hardsuit. It's Lucina Hightower, who's trying to rush me!
> Where is my trusty taser?
> Oh. Oh, it's carp scroll.
> Get pushed, die.
> Lucina loots my bag and finishes my work, burning in with the thermite.
> Before she can get to AI's core, however, CMO explodes a bomb that blows up the turrets (though leaves the AI untounched), the APC and exposes sat to space at least partially.
> Lucina scares CMO away with a baton, then tries to talk to the AI and drops all the codewords over the security channel.
> Sec is mildly interested in how Lucina knows the codewords, but doesn't bother with thinking about it for more than one second.
> AI is awfully quiet and not responding to the codewords.
> Meanwhile, a fourth person in an EVA suit flies to the sat from downsides and plants a syndicate bomb there.
> Lucina tries to talk to the AI and get codewords out of him, but he dies mid-conversation because his APC runs out of power.
> CMO flies in to check if AI is dead, to which Lucina reacts by whipping out her baton and chasing after him.
> CMO overreacts immediately and activates his suicide vest, gibbing himself, Lucina and damaging the sat even further.
> Ten seconds later, syndicate bomb blows up, finishing off the satelite and vaporizing a curious borg who wanted to see why the sat was so fucked up.
> Everybody's dead, Jim.

ShadowDimentio · Sun Jun 12, 2016 12:10 am

>Be latejoin guard
>Go to gear up
>Armory is getting pulled to the back wall
>A guy in a space suit is breaking in!
>Disable him once but he starts dodging
>Can't get a bead on him from my position
>He breaks the wall down and starts looting slowly
>Smash the windoor down and climb in
>Crawl out the breach and shoot at him as he tries to run
>TASER HITS
>GRAB A LASER OFF THE FLOOR
>F U C K I N G D E S T R O Y H I M
>GET FUCKING FUCKED FUCKBOY
>Grab a hardsuit
>Re-secure the armory from his corpse and space
>Find a cult tome
>Heh
>Warden didn't do shit by the way, 0/10
>Become space cop
>Patrol space and maint for cultists
>HoS dies at some point
>Find a guy in a space suit near engi in space with his ID and no implant
>He shoots at me
>I shoot back, better
>TASER HITS HIM
>LASER HIM DOWN
>Secure the HoS' gear at the brig, more cult loot on him
>Shuttle arrives shortly later
>Cult has been thoroughly cucked by Nanotrasen's finest
>V I C T O R Y

Jacough · Post by **Jacough** » Sun Jun 12, 2016 9:40 am #186127

> be detective, only sec besides warden
> dreamstation so of course it's a skeleton crew because fuck dream station
> see some unknown in a space suit fucking around in space on the side of the station
> takes off when he sees me.
> fuck it whatever
> some time later an explosion goes off near the brig.
> bodies of the warden and the unknown are retrieved
> start cloning the warden, search the unknown
> turns out to be a scientist with a suppressor and an unlocked PDA
> put two and two together. Scientist was a traitor who probably tried to bomb the brig, underestimated his bomb, and blew himself up
> out the airlock he goes

Being lazy pays off

InsaneHyena · Sun Jun 12, 2016 10:08 pm

> Spawn as a clown, Carl the Cuck
> Captain calls the station Auschwitz.
> Time to mem-
> PURGE ALL UNTRUTHS AND HONOR RATVAR
> Oh. Okay then. Time to amaze everyone with my robustness.
> Greytide into tech storage, steal insulated gloves and most importantly, a flash.
> Meanwhile, on the Ratvar FM: "HOW DO I CONVERT PEOPLE", "HOW DO I DO ANYTHING"
> Relax, people, I've got this.
> Search for a cyborg.
> Searching. Searching.
> Are there any cyborgs whatsoever on this shit station?
> Here's one! Law 2 him into following me, flash him behind the nearest corner, Guvax time.
> Command him to change into engineering module, because it's the only way to get fucking stuns as a silicon now.
> The plan is simple - sabotage telecoms, convert AI. It would be easier on box, but meta is a shit map, and thus has a shit satelite that combines telecoms and AI sat. And turrets, so many of them.
> Sabotaging telecoms goes without a hitch, but AI notices us, then notices an unlinked borg.
> He sends a second borg to handle the situation.
> Bitch please.
> The second borg gets enlightened about the truth of Ratvar.
> AI brings down the shutters. We can't do shit about it for some time, until it's remembered that engineering borg has an all-powerful RCD.
> I waltz into AI's core and begin chanting Guvax.
> I totally forget that AI has this little thingie near it's core, called intercomms.
> My chanting is heard by the entire station.
> My cult loses it's shit.
> Not according to keikaku.
> Keikaku means plan.
> If we don't do something REALLY good after being revealed this early, we're fucked.
> But it's okay, it's fine. We are revealed early, but I can handle this. But what do I do?
> Station's name is Auschwitz.
> Step one - gas the degenerates.
> Soon the entire station is flooded with plasma and filled with fires, heathens and heretics die by dozens.
> Me and the engineering borg wander from department to department, stunning and converting people to our side.
> Only those who are reforged in fire and survive are deemed worthy by Ratvar.
> Even capture HoS on the bridge, but since I don't have enough materials for de-implanting chant or cuffs, have to strip him and imprison him behind the windoor, naked and afraid.
> He suicides.
> What a dick.
> One by one, I convert the heathens and show them the light.
> Others are killed.
> Eventually even wander to genetics and take some magic pills against my clumsiness.
> Step 2 - build a robot army.
> Spend ten minutes trying to figure out why APC is drained.
> Turns out, there's an energy draining rune that I needed to destroy or something.
> Anyway, I continue converting people and being all around best cultist.
> My little engieborg continues being the second best cultist and the best minion I can possibly wish for.
> Even find the detective hiding in toxins (what the fuck was he doing there, and how did he get there?) and convert him too.
> He dies two seconds later, though, because plasma. Oh well.
> Eventually Ratvar is summoned.
> My ego grows five sizes.

Pilgrim · Post by **Pilgrim** » Mon Jun 13, 2016 9:03 am #186382

Jacough wrote:> be detective, only sec besides warden
> dreamstation so of course it's a skeleton crew because fuck dream station
> see some unknown in a space suit fucking around in space on the side of the station
> takes off when he sees me.
> fuck it whatever
> some time later an explosion goes off near the brig.
> bodies of the warden and the unknown are retrieved
> start cloning the warden, search the unknown
> turns out to be a scientist with a suppressor and an unlocked PDA
> put two and two together. Scientist was a traitor who probably tried to bomb the brig, underestimated his bomb, and blew himself up
> out the airlock he goes

Being lazy pays off

nice work gumshoe

Raven776 · Post by **Raven776** » Wed Jun 15, 2016 5:37 am #186929

>You are Juniper Breeze the Engineer
>Here is your PDA code for syndie goodies
>Your target: Detective dead, Reactive teleport armor
>Wander around for 40 minutes doing engineer things. Fixing things. Search for a power drain before remembering I've got things to do
>Wander into atmos. One atmos tech and she's absent.
>Fuck the waste loop hard.
>Pipe plasma directly into the oxygen loop with no way for people to wrench it up or drain it without blowing up a section
>Atmos tech walks in. Immediately start talking, saying I'm setting up the incinerator. They're new they say.
>Tell them to take their backpack and go look for hull breaches. It's a good idea!
>They want to watch me set up the incinerator.
>Show them the chamber where all the plasma magic happens.
>Unload a syndicate revolver into their spine.
>ThinkAboutTheRabbits.png
>Drag them over to disposals and shove them in, strip them bare, make them wish they weren't there
>No
>Take the axe off of the wall and lop their head off, then their brain out
>Take their brain to ghetto robotics
>Steal an MMI
>Buy an EMAG
>MMI them, talk a bit, apologize, tell them I didn't want to kill them
>Early round so want to not be a dick
>Borg them, emag, tell them to try and kill the detective or just do general chaos things
>"I'm bad at this."
>We all are
>Run around, cargo begs me to start the filters in cargo bay, wish desperately to tell them it won't matter because I flipped a filter in the waste loop riiiight around
>Play nice
>Get more ammo for the gun
>Find the detective in the hallway with my borg.
>Spin a yarn about the rogue atmos tech
>He follows me into atmospherics
>We get into a firefight. Somehow shit explodes?
>No idea
>I unload TWO speed loaders of revolver into him. Heart be pumping and I want him deader than dead.
>SHove him in two different disposals, take him out, strip him, do it again
>Finally calm down and go to grab the surgical saw from robotics. Shit's fucked on the station so no one notices
>Brain him, borg him, tell him to go do things.
>"I'm going to kill the entire crew."
>That's the spirit buddy
>Walk into the maintenance tunnel. There's a dead assistant on the floor.
>InTooDeep.jpg
>Brain him on the floor, borg him
>"EmagMe!"
>Made sure to cut his lawset so whatever. He was Emagged before he even asked
>Manage to do this to one more person before the shuttle gets there. Didn't even realize it was called
>There were those cuck swarmer things in escape so I curl around into space for safety
>Get into the command deck Eva, detective dead but the RD locker didn't have anything in it
>RD walks into the eva room and sees me holding an EMAG. Immediately starts to run away or pull out a baton or something.
>Pull out an Esword the detective had on him. Duel. Put him in crit. He flies out into space.
>Throw myself off of the station once.
>Throw my esword into space to change directions. Try to grab the RD. Fail
>Again. This time my Emag.
>Fail
>Third time's the charm. Lost my revolver. Don't know why I didn't throw my T-ray scanner but this was getting intense
>SHuttle takes off the moment after I get him back in. The CMO, Suki, grabs the RD and runs with him as I'm flailing on the ground like an infant.
>Gotta get that armor!
>Manually hack doors. Why is it so hard when you're used to emagging?
>Finally manage to get into the room as I hear defibs go off. RD is alive
>They drag him into the shitty medbay and dose him up. I hit morphine once and pop him out. Strip his armor off and shove it in my backpack.
>Leg it.
>RD hops up and immediately starts to tase someone. I'm hiding in a locker.
>Full green text. And no one I (directly) murdered got taken out of the round.

CrunchyCHEEZIT · Wed Jun 15, 2016 7:38 pm

>you are Joseph McJohn, cargo man, serving on MetaStation
>dont feel like doing cargo
>go outside, steal janitors janicart, go for a ride and then give it to the clown
>get bored and get borged by efficient lizardman roboticist

>you are RockFucker, robot man, serving on MetaStation
>wheel out to go do fuck some rocks on the asteroid
>"BORGS TO AI SAT" the AI calls!
>hark! go back to station to help the AI
>stand near a hacked down on the minisat, as I hear someone try to break in and then subsequently get shot at and cuffed by the Captain
>it was an engineer, trying to break in, what a mystery
>think nothing of it and teleport back onto station, head off to go mining
>NEW ACTIVE LAWS:
>0. PURGE ALL TRUTHS AND HONOR RATVAR
>oh boy
>wheel back to the minisat to get fully converted by a friendly cultist who converted the AI (technically my laws were already changed so I didnt need to do this but I wanted to be able to see who is a cultist and hear servant chat)
>get stun arm
>sweet
>me, an assistant, and another borg head out of the minisat and into engineering
>roll through engineering, see a sec officer, try to stun, fail miserably
>sec officer screeches and runs away, probably alerting everyone about rogue borgs
>luckily, the AI disabled tcomms
>the stun-convert squad rolls into research
>we basically end up converting everybody in the research department with little to no opposition, including the roboticist
>crew is mostly clueless to the ratvar cult atm, only thinking theres a rogue miner borg
>guard RD's office, luckily preventing maline trell from trying to blow me (hheheheh)
>nothing really happens for a couple minutes, crew is still trying to figure out what mode it actually is whilst all the servants in research try to figure out how clockwork cult works
>suddenly, a security guard with a laser rifle and an ion rifle comes into science (only one?)
>oh fuck--
>almost die, but a random scientist saved me
>get repaired, play hokey pokey with the ion sec officer for a couple minutes before we finally stun him
>WRRRRRRRRRRRR
>he dead
>AI gives me sidequests over binary chat
>ok, paarthurnax
>roll out of science, head to brig (not even through maintenance, because there is nobody stopping me on the way there)
>see the detective yelling at the HoS about something, he suddenly falls over at the brig entrance
>HoS stares at me like an autist as I casually roll up, grab the detective, and casually roll away with him as he screams in vain
>WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
>he dead
>head back to science, ligger servants are actually starting to build a clockwork base
>suddenly, AI starts calling for help
>rush to engineering, to find the HoS, a sec officer, the chaplain, and an engineer trying to get to the minisat
>urge human servant to call everyone to engineering as I go in
>juke around the engineering lobby, stunning everyone for ratvar
>HoS is firing his laser gun willy nilly, sec officer chases me around with a flash and a stunbaton, chaplain thwacks me a couple times with his weaboo sword, engineering desperatly tries to avoid getting drilled
>stun HoS, drag him out
>WRRRRRRRRRRRR
>he dead
>stun chaplain
>WRRRRRRRRRRR
>he dead
>other sec officer tries to run, gets stunned and e-sword'd by another borg
>engineer tries to drag wounded away, stun him
>WRRRRRRRRR
>he dead
>get to the minisat to ensure nobody else is there
>servants begin gathering in research, everything is getting ready for the justicars arrival
>rush to robotics to get repaired
>"A GATEWAY TO THE CELESTIAL DISTRICT HAS OPENED IN ROBOTICS!"
>wew lad
>AI calls for help, but the teleporter room has been welded off and engineering door is hacked
>try to help the AI, but im honestly too lazy to go all the way to the minisat through other means, round is almost over anyway
>sit in robotics with my cultist friends as we watch Ratvar arrive and fuck up the station
>gg no re

Not really that awesome, but my first full, real Clockwork Cult round. Fun as hell, great gamemode.

IcePacks · Post by **IcePacks** » Wed Jun 15, 2016 8:44 pm #187066

>spawn as assistant
>YOU ARE THE TRAITOR
>kill this engineer
>five bucks says this guy's packing heat
>find him in a dead-end maint shaft
>perfection
>shoot him dead after preforming a very obvious traitor "HELLO I AM GREETING YOU TO BUY MYSELF TIME TO SPAWN A WEAPON AND KILL YOU"
>i can't believe that worked
>begin stripping the corpse; plan to sabotage engine
>burn him beyond recognition and put my stuff on him while screaming about how i'm slain over the radio
>some dude walks in
>shit
>shoot him dead too, before he screams
>that was close but so far so good
>put both bodies in a locker
>turn to leave
>some other assistant runs up and stunbatons me
>try to talk my way out of it
>fail
>okay fuck looks like the jig is up
>he opens my corpse locker
>OH YOU MUST BE A TRAITOR
>yes motherfucker that's what i was trying to tell you, other traitor
>he helps me up
>his stand begins inexplicably beating the fuck out of me like a gigantic stand-shit
>fuck this guy i'm gonna kill him
>he manages to talk his stand down
>check my revolver to see how many murder-bullets i have
>one
>welp here goes nothing
>pick up my screwdriver
>aim for the eyes
>shoot him in the head and start stabbing his goddamn eyes
>his stand shows up and resumes beating the crap out of me
>incapacitate him
>his stand starts trying to run around and heal him
>start trying to kill his stand
>a bunch of witnesses show up
>including the captain
>captain's in space
>shoots the stand to death
>after about twenty seconds, with me also trying to beat it to death
>why do stands have so much fucking health for the amount of insane utility they ha-
>okay back on topic
>"WE DID IT"
>captain turns his fire to me
>die
>well, fuck
>deadchat tears
>WHY DID YOU KILL ME PAX WHY MURDERBONER WE WERE GOING TO DO A STAND GIMMICK
>this stand is telling me, after he tried to straight-up murder my ass when i was conversing with his host, that they were going to do a gimmick
>meanwhile, captain gets cucked in space
>dies
>he thought i was a changeling because there were two bryce paxes, one of whom was a husk and the other was out of uniform
>i probably could have avoided half of this by putting on the helmet

WEAR YOUR GODDAMN HELMETS

>round continues
>shit explodes left and right
>people dying in droves
>a true comedy of errors

ShadowDimentio · Thu Jun 16, 2016 11:41 pm

>Be HoS
>No cap so I secure the disc
>Gang tags everywhere
>Implant a bunch of dudes
>No gang tells
>Suddenly the armory explodes and the warden is shot dead
>OPS
>TWO OF THEM
>TAZE THEM BOTH AND LASE THEM BOTH NEARLY DEAD
>CUCKED BY THEM AT LIKE TWO HEALTH EACH
>THEY FAIL TO NOTICE I HAD THE DISK
>COME BACK MINUTES LATER TO GET IT
>THEY GET CUCKED BY INVENTORIES AND IT'S STILL IN MY BAG
>THEY FINALLY GET IT AND GO TO LEAVE ONLY TO BE FOUND BY A GUARD RETRIEVING IT
>THEY BOTH GET CUCKED BY MISSING
>THE OP'S BUDDY SHOWS UP
>ONE OP GETS CUCKED AND SHOOTS ANOTHER
>THE GUARD IS JUKING AND GETS A LUCKY STUN HIT ON
>HIS BUDDIES SHOW UP AND NAB THE DISK
>OPS GET CUCKED AND THE CAP HAS THE DISK
>SUDDENLY STEALTH OP OUT OF NOWHERE BOMBS THE CAPTAIN
>RETRIEVES THE TELEPORTED DISK
>CUCKS THE STATION ALONE
>EVERYONE GETS CUCKED

WHAT A WILD FUCKING RIDE

Not-Dorsidarf · Fri Jun 17, 2016 9:11 am

When the stealth op is the last one alive because his buddies were retards, his Ninjitsu goes through the roof

confused rock · Mon Jun 20, 2016 6:47 am

You did not survive the events on UR ALL FAT ANDREW MITCHELL IS KICKIN RAD...
Best traitor round I have had in a long time
also released bees with the holodeck

vulpineryth · Post by **vulpineryth** » Tue Jun 21, 2016 3:18 pm #188714

> choose to be Borg but end up being RD. ah well time for SCI-
> You are the traitor! Kill the Ai and escape.
> Realize it's Double agent and malf FUCK.
> get Science set up and AI calls me traitor and realize it's one too
> Grab Advanced hardsuit and get to AI Sat. Take EMP Flashlight and nades with eMag
> also crap a morph disguised as a Borg after trying to EMP it
> after clearing defenses with EMP and eMag realize he's been moved after wasting more tc fuck.
> get back on station and use remaining tc to give people EMP nades and assault the AI in the grav gen.
>Spam nades while fending off borgs which were increasing because Borg maker
> kill AI but now station is filled with murderous borgs and morphs as everyone else but a ligger dies.
>dodge borgs and the morph,use EMP flash light and laser pointer to disable them and remove their batteries while the shuttle comes
> barely make it thanks to SCI door remote working on the escape air locks by going into them before bolt and eMag to make them useless.
> only one to make it to shuttle. Celebrate surviving the Robopocolypse with a ligger on a pod
> then dash out of the shuttle once arrived at ctcomm and run into super matter shard

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Tue Jun 21, 2016 4:35 pm #188747

Great, now I've gotta blow my 4000th post on telling you that your miscapitalisation of "emag" triggers me immensely.

nsos · Post by **nsos** » Wed Jun 22, 2016 1:57 am #188873

why do you have 4000 fucking posts

nsos · Post by **nsos** » Wed Jun 22, 2016 1:58 am #188875

i'm going to get my account permabanned at 1000

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Wed Jun 22, 2016 4:58 am #188921

I have 4000 posts because I am very good at shitposting.

Anonmare · Post by **Anonmare** » Wed Jun 22, 2016 4:14 pm #189023

Are you perhaps part-Australian?

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Wed Jun 22, 2016 4:21 pm #189026

No relatives in the Anglosphere.

jaxy15 · Post by **jaxy15** » Sun Jun 26, 2016 6:08 pm #190296

>Observe round 15 minutes in
>See a vault creature on Lavaland doing botany, decide to join in because why not
>Two miners gibtonite into the seed vault with the intent to kill and loot us
>Get a lucky RNG knockdown on one of the miners, hack him to death with a hatchet
>Take his KA and kill the other miner with it, using low-potency ambrosia gaia to keep myself alive
>The other vault creature and I take their stuff and throw their bodies into lava
>We continue going about our business for the next hour-and-a-half
>I mess around with botany and mine some ore for science
>He uses genetics to make some combat-robust gaia and acid-filled watermelons
>Reports of a Ratvar cult over the radio
>Take some plants along with me and go to deliver ore, other vault creature comes along to set up his suicide booth in the bar
>Bully some cultists with the watermelons
>After a while, they summon their Celestial Gateway thing
>A brave golem suicide bombs the area, giving me an opportunity to destroy the gateway with a survival knife
>Run before I die to the cold and go to wait for the shuttle
>Shuttle docks, 5 Ratvar cultists attack me after I board it
>Slaughter them all with RNG knockdowns

Can't beat the power of RNG.

Laharl Monthy · Mon Jun 27, 2016 3:29 pm

>I'm bored on sybil, time to observe this round.
>I watch around mining a bit, see where the big mobs are and if the miners are likely to find 'hem
>See Zoey getting meat spiked by Silar because of reasons, Pocket is leaking blood everywhere because he caught a shuriken with his face.
>Zoey SOMEHOW almost strangles the HoS from her meatspike

>BUT WAIT
>IT'S ACTUALLY WIZARD TIME
>Wizard is a friendly lich, hanging out in the bridge. Really now?
>Except that said Wizard summoned a laughter demon.
>Due to meatspikes and the clown, among other things, there's blood everywhere.
>You can guess that the demon pretty well exploited this to the maximum, and must have nommed about 3/4th of the crew
>In the meanwhile, the wizard is shilling alone in the bridge, and a rod is making loops around the station.
>Pretty standard, as far as murder demons go. Deadchat is throwing a tantrum over how op the demon is.

>After eating up botany, the demon feels regretfull and puts himself in the path of the rod. And then waits.
>And wait.
>And wait - THERE'S THE ROD
>The demon vanishes in a puff of smoke!
>...And limbs start flying out.
>SO MANY LIMBS, HO MY GOD, IT'S A LITTERAL SHOWER OF LIMBS, ALL OVER MAINT
>LIMBLESS DYING BODIES APPEAR ALL OVER THE STATION
>WHAT

Turns out, when a slaughter demon dies, all the people he's eaten respawn on his location, alive, before being teleported out to a random location onboard. Except that, in that case, they respawned...Right in the rod's path. Deadchat ended up repopulated real quickly, and then filled with laughter when everyone realized what happened.

Zilenan91 · Post by **Zilenan91** » Mon Jun 27, 2016 3:31 pm #190593

I don't think the people being eaten by a demon should respawn fully alive. That sounds like a bug.

Post by **Shaps-cloud** » Mon Jun 27, 2016 3:42 pm #190597

No that was a laughter demon, they don't kill you, they just bring you really close inside them so they can bring you on all sorts of fun shenanigans. When they die you pop out no worse for the wear

(unless they get hit by a rod apparently)

Zilenan91 · Post by **Zilenan91** » Mon Jun 27, 2016 3:45 pm #190598

Thought that was a typo gotcha

One Seven One · Fri Jul 01, 2016 1:43 am

>Be ghost with the intent to watch stupid shit happen
>Spot this

>This is going to be a shit show
>Round starts and two eggs get taken
>Figure, fuck it, let's MAKE this a shit show
>Tell the other Ashwalkers to hide in boxes
>It actually works amazingly well
>When the storm ends we hear proto shots
>Eventually one miner comes knocking
>He hits the tendril
>WE AMBUSH
>He's dead before he knows it
>We feed him and hide again
>ANOTHER
>AMBUSH 2: FUCK YOU
>We feed them to the tendril
>Start patching up and exploring
>Ashwalker runs in and says they found another miner
>HUNT
>He's dead
>Que more people coming aboard to try and kill us
>They all get fucked

And after the round the salt was immense.
I could rename lavaland saltland

Screemonster · Fri Jul 01, 2016 2:15 am

One Seven One wrote:stuff

lolololololololololololololololol

Jacough · Post by **Jacough** » Sat Jul 02, 2016 8:40 am #192065

> Respawn as science golem
> Scientist is a traitor who wants me to steal the captain's jetpack for him
> Sure thing pops
> Start getting geared up
> Going all tribal with two spears and a bola
> Spend a while hunting him
> Finally track him back to his office
> He's in there retrieving his space gear and flanked by security
> Shuttle's past the point of no return, figure he's going to be surrounded by sec for the rest of the round
> Not really sure how to approach this
> Come up with a plan
> "Hey captain, may I borrow your jetpack please?"
> He gives it to me
> Mission accomplished.

Spoiler:

CrunchyCHEEZIT · Sat Jul 02, 2016 11:19 pm

>You are Joseph McJohn, science man, on boxstation
>fuck here we g--
>YOU ARE THE TRAITOR
>KILL THE AI
>ESCAPE ALIVE
>fuck here we go x2
>run into maint, pray to space gods for revenant TC trade
>they dont respond, wait forever (like, 5-10 minutes)
>fuck it
>formulate a plan and run over to HoP to get main access
>clown is running the HoP line, makes me a "science clown"
>he gave me all access, but i didnt know it at the time and just assume he gave me maint access
>go through RnD maint, now south of toxins near an external airlock
>purchase an e-mag, syndicate hardsuit, X-4 explosives and an EMP duffelbag
>store coat, PDA and regular duffelbag inside locker, don syndicate hardsuit and hide ID in pocket
>You are Unknown, syndicate man
>spacewalk to the east, heading to the AI sat
>no one notices anything yet, move along the eastern side of the AI sat down to its core
>time to make it happ--
>south of AI sat is already bombed
>AI is already dead
>turrets destroyed
>well, fuck, that was easy, didnt even have to do anything
>rewind steps all the way back, syndie hardsuit off, coat back on, syndie gear hidden in locker
>You are Joseph McJohn yet again, but now you have an e-mag and an EMP implant
>fuck around the station for abit, try to cause mischief with e-mag but too retarded to find anything to e-mag
>while skulking through maint, pass by some librarians shit
>evidently, some autist thought I killed the librarian to steal his shit
>get reported to sec, get arrested and taken to brig
>call security abunch of cucks, try to EMP implant out of brig
>fail as the doors dont open
>warden tries to find a place to store me that isnt near any electronics (still have 2-3 EMP implant charges)
>she decides to try and teleport me to lavaland gulag
>teleporter was broken by my EMP implant
>wew
>warden takes me on the shuttle and tries to manually gulag me
>EMP IMPLANT
>shuttle console supposedly breaks, doors get EMPd
>warden groans and tries to take me off the shu--
>THE DOORS WERE SHOCKED
>WARDEN GETS SHOCKED AND FALLS
>BUT WAIT, THE SHUTTLE ACTUALLY LAUNCHES
>WEWEWEW
>warden screams "WHAT" as her stunned body ends up opening the shuttle door
>she fucking flies out of the shuttle
>cackle like a mad scientist

I was unfortunately marooned on the gulag, because I incidentally broke the shuttle console for real when using my last EMP implant to fuck with beepsky. I later found out the brig was eaten by the singularity anyway so I wouldn't have made it anyway. Even though I didn't greentext, that fucking bit at the end made this round 10/10

Not-Dorsidarf · Sun Jul 30, 2023 1:33 am

10/10