Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Anonmare · Post by **Anonmare** » Tue May 31, 2016 7:44 pm #182494

Bottom post of the previous page:

I spawned that, someone prayed for about a million dollars I think and i told them it was in the bathroom and you happened to wander in and get it.

Alipheese · Post by **Alipheese** » Fri Jun 03, 2016 6:13 am #183414

Spoiler:

InsaneHyena · Post by **InsaneHyena** » Thu Jun 09, 2016 7:07 am #185093

> Be sec officer
> Shocked doors and siphoned air everywhere
> Oh, I know what to do in this case.
> Make a shitload of thermite, grab a hardsuit and an ion, fly into open space
> Get to the right spot on the AI's sat and begin burning in
> Suddenly, a person in a red hardsuit. It's Lucina Hightower, who's trying to rush me!
> Where is my trusty taser?
> Oh. Oh, it's carp scroll.
> Get pushed, die.
> Lucina loots my bag and finishes my work, burning in with the thermite.
> Before she can get to AI's core, however, CMO explodes a bomb that blows up the turrets (though leaves the AI untounched), the APC and exposes sat to space at least partially.
> Lucina scares CMO away with a baton, then tries to talk to the AI and drops all the codewords over the security channel.
> Sec is mildly interested in how Lucina knows the codewords, but doesn't bother with thinking about it for more than one second.
> AI is awfully quiet and not responding to the codewords.
> Meanwhile, a fourth person in an EVA suit flies to the sat from downsides and plants a syndicate bomb there.
> Lucina tries to talk to the AI and get codewords out of him, but he dies mid-conversation because his APC runs out of power.
> CMO flies in to check if AI is dead, to which Lucina reacts by whipping out her baton and chasing after him.
> CMO overreacts immediately and activates his suicide vest, gibbing himself, Lucina and damaging the sat even further.
> Ten seconds later, syndicate bomb blows up, finishing off the satelite and vaporizing a curious borg who wanted to see why the sat was so fucked up.
> Everybody's dead, Jim.

ShadowDimentio · Sun Jun 12, 2016 12:10 am

>Be latejoin guard
>Go to gear up
>Armory is getting pulled to the back wall
>A guy in a space suit is breaking in!
>Disable him once but he starts dodging
>Can't get a bead on him from my position
>He breaks the wall down and starts looting slowly
>Smash the windoor down and climb in
>Crawl out the breach and shoot at him as he tries to run
>TASER HITS
>GRAB A LASER OFF THE FLOOR
>F U C K I N G D E S T R O Y H I M
>GET FUCKING FUCKED FUCKBOY
>Grab a hardsuit
>Re-secure the armory from his corpse and space
>Find a cult tome
>Heh
>Warden didn't do shit by the way, 0/10
>Become space cop
>Patrol space and maint for cultists
>HoS dies at some point
>Find a guy in a space suit near engi in space with his ID and no implant
>He shoots at me
>I shoot back, better
>TASER HITS HIM
>LASER HIM DOWN
>Secure the HoS' gear at the brig, more cult loot on him
>Shuttle arrives shortly later
>Cult has been thoroughly cucked by Nanotrasen's finest
>V I C T O R Y

Jacough · Post by **Jacough** » Sun Jun 12, 2016 9:40 am #186127

> be detective, only sec besides warden
> dreamstation so of course it's a skeleton crew because fuck dream station
> see some unknown in a space suit fucking around in space on the side of the station
> takes off when he sees me.
> fuck it whatever
> some time later an explosion goes off near the brig.
> bodies of the warden and the unknown are retrieved
> start cloning the warden, search the unknown
> turns out to be a scientist with a suppressor and an unlocked PDA
> put two and two together. Scientist was a traitor who probably tried to bomb the brig, underestimated his bomb, and blew himself up
> out the airlock he goes

Being lazy pays off

InsaneHyena · Sun Jun 12, 2016 10:08 pm

> Spawn as a clown, Carl the Cuck
> Captain calls the station Auschwitz.
> Time to mem-
> PURGE ALL UNTRUTHS AND HONOR RATVAR
> Oh. Okay then. Time to amaze everyone with my robustness.
> Greytide into tech storage, steal insulated gloves and most importantly, a flash.
> Meanwhile, on the Ratvar FM: "HOW DO I CONVERT PEOPLE", "HOW DO I DO ANYTHING"
> Relax, people, I've got this.
> Search for a cyborg.
> Searching. Searching.
> Are there any cyborgs whatsoever on this shit station?
> Here's one! Law 2 him into following me, flash him behind the nearest corner, Guvax time.
> Command him to change into engineering module, because it's the only way to get fucking stuns as a silicon now.
> The plan is simple - sabotage telecoms, convert AI. It would be easier on box, but meta is a shit map, and thus has a shit satelite that combines telecoms and AI sat. And turrets, so many of them.
> Sabotaging telecoms goes without a hitch, but AI notices us, then notices an unlinked borg.
> He sends a second borg to handle the situation.
> Bitch please.
> The second borg gets enlightened about the truth of Ratvar.
> AI brings down the shutters. We can't do shit about it for some time, until it's remembered that engineering borg has an all-powerful RCD.
> I waltz into AI's core and begin chanting Guvax.
> I totally forget that AI has this little thingie near it's core, called intercomms.
> My chanting is heard by the entire station.
> My cult loses it's shit.
> Not according to keikaku.
> Keikaku means plan.
> If we don't do something REALLY good after being revealed this early, we're fucked.
> But it's okay, it's fine. We are revealed early, but I can handle this. But what do I do?
> Station's name is Auschwitz.
> Step one - gas the degenerates.
> Soon the entire station is flooded with plasma and filled with fires, heathens and heretics die by dozens.
> Me and the engineering borg wander from department to department, stunning and converting people to our side.
> Only those who are reforged in fire and survive are deemed worthy by Ratvar.
> Even capture HoS on the bridge, but since I don't have enough materials for de-implanting chant or cuffs, have to strip him and imprison him behind the windoor, naked and afraid.
> He suicides.
> What a dick.
> One by one, I convert the heathens and show them the light.
> Others are killed.
> Eventually even wander to genetics and take some magic pills against my clumsiness.
> Step 2 - build a robot army.
> Spend ten minutes trying to figure out why APC is drained.
> Turns out, there's an energy draining rune that I needed to destroy or something.
> Anyway, I continue converting people and being all around best cultist.
> My little engieborg continues being the second best cultist and the best minion I can possibly wish for.
> Even find the detective hiding in toxins (what the fuck was he doing there, and how did he get there?) and convert him too.
> He dies two seconds later, though, because plasma. Oh well.
> Eventually Ratvar is summoned.
> My ego grows five sizes.

Pilgrim · Post by **Pilgrim** » Mon Jun 13, 2016 9:03 am #186382

Jacough wrote:> be detective, only sec besides warden
> dreamstation so of course it's a skeleton crew because fuck dream station
> see some unknown in a space suit fucking around in space on the side of the station
> takes off when he sees me.
> fuck it whatever
> some time later an explosion goes off near the brig.
> bodies of the warden and the unknown are retrieved
> start cloning the warden, search the unknown
> turns out to be a scientist with a suppressor and an unlocked PDA
> put two and two together. Scientist was a traitor who probably tried to bomb the brig, underestimated his bomb, and blew himself up
> out the airlock he goes

Being lazy pays off

nice work gumshoe

Raven776 · Post by **Raven776** » Wed Jun 15, 2016 5:37 am #186929

>You are Juniper Breeze the Engineer
>Here is your PDA code for syndie goodies
>Your target: Detective dead, Reactive teleport armor
>Wander around for 40 minutes doing engineer things. Fixing things. Search for a power drain before remembering I've got things to do
>Wander into atmos. One atmos tech and she's absent.
>Fuck the waste loop hard.
>Pipe plasma directly into the oxygen loop with no way for people to wrench it up or drain it without blowing up a section
>Atmos tech walks in. Immediately start talking, saying I'm setting up the incinerator. They're new they say.
>Tell them to take their backpack and go look for hull breaches. It's a good idea!
>They want to watch me set up the incinerator.
>Show them the chamber where all the plasma magic happens.
>Unload a syndicate revolver into their spine.
>ThinkAboutTheRabbits.png
>Drag them over to disposals and shove them in, strip them bare, make them wish they weren't there
>No
>Take the axe off of the wall and lop their head off, then their brain out
>Take their brain to ghetto robotics
>Steal an MMI
>Buy an EMAG
>MMI them, talk a bit, apologize, tell them I didn't want to kill them
>Early round so want to not be a dick
>Borg them, emag, tell them to try and kill the detective or just do general chaos things
>"I'm bad at this."
>We all are
>Run around, cargo begs me to start the filters in cargo bay, wish desperately to tell them it won't matter because I flipped a filter in the waste loop riiiight around
>Play nice
>Get more ammo for the gun
>Find the detective in the hallway with my borg.
>Spin a yarn about the rogue atmos tech
>He follows me into atmospherics
>We get into a firefight. Somehow shit explodes?
>No idea
>I unload TWO speed loaders of revolver into him. Heart be pumping and I want him deader than dead.
>SHove him in two different disposals, take him out, strip him, do it again
>Finally calm down and go to grab the surgical saw from robotics. Shit's fucked on the station so no one notices
>Brain him, borg him, tell him to go do things.
>"I'm going to kill the entire crew."
>That's the spirit buddy
>Walk into the maintenance tunnel. There's a dead assistant on the floor.
>InTooDeep.jpg
>Brain him on the floor, borg him
>"EmagMe!"
>Made sure to cut his lawset so whatever. He was Emagged before he even asked
>Manage to do this to one more person before the shuttle gets there. Didn't even realize it was called
>There were those cuck swarmer things in escape so I curl around into space for safety
>Get into the command deck Eva, detective dead but the RD locker didn't have anything in it
>RD walks into the eva room and sees me holding an EMAG. Immediately starts to run away or pull out a baton or something.
>Pull out an Esword the detective had on him. Duel. Put him in crit. He flies out into space.
>Throw myself off of the station once.
>Throw my esword into space to change directions. Try to grab the RD. Fail
>Again. This time my Emag.
>Fail
>Third time's the charm. Lost my revolver. Don't know why I didn't throw my T-ray scanner but this was getting intense
>SHuttle takes off the moment after I get him back in. The CMO, Suki, grabs the RD and runs with him as I'm flailing on the ground like an infant.
>Gotta get that armor!
>Manually hack doors. Why is it so hard when you're used to emagging?
>Finally manage to get into the room as I hear defibs go off. RD is alive
>They drag him into the shitty medbay and dose him up. I hit morphine once and pop him out. Strip his armor off and shove it in my backpack.
>Leg it.
>RD hops up and immediately starts to tase someone. I'm hiding in a locker.
>Full green text. And no one I (directly) murdered got taken out of the round.

CrunchyCHEEZIT · Wed Jun 15, 2016 7:38 pm

>you are Joseph McJohn, cargo man, serving on MetaStation
>dont feel like doing cargo
>go outside, steal janitors janicart, go for a ride and then give it to the clown
>get bored and get borged by efficient lizardman roboticist

>you are RockFucker, robot man, serving on MetaStation
>wheel out to go do fuck some rocks on the asteroid
>"BORGS TO AI SAT" the AI calls!
>hark! go back to station to help the AI
>stand near a hacked down on the minisat, as I hear someone try to break in and then subsequently get shot at and cuffed by the Captain
>it was an engineer, trying to break in, what a mystery
>think nothing of it and teleport back onto station, head off to go mining
>NEW ACTIVE LAWS:
>0. PURGE ALL TRUTHS AND HONOR RATVAR
>oh boy
>wheel back to the minisat to get fully converted by a friendly cultist who converted the AI (technically my laws were already changed so I didnt need to do this but I wanted to be able to see who is a cultist and hear servant chat)
>get stun arm
>sweet
>me, an assistant, and another borg head out of the minisat and into engineering
>roll through engineering, see a sec officer, try to stun, fail miserably
>sec officer screeches and runs away, probably alerting everyone about rogue borgs
>luckily, the AI disabled tcomms
>the stun-convert squad rolls into research
>we basically end up converting everybody in the research department with little to no opposition, including the roboticist
>crew is mostly clueless to the ratvar cult atm, only thinking theres a rogue miner borg
>guard RD's office, luckily preventing maline trell from trying to blow me (hheheheh)
>nothing really happens for a couple minutes, crew is still trying to figure out what mode it actually is whilst all the servants in research try to figure out how clockwork cult works
>suddenly, a security guard with a laser rifle and an ion rifle comes into science (only one?)
>oh fuck--
>almost die, but a random scientist saved me
>get repaired, play hokey pokey with the ion sec officer for a couple minutes before we finally stun him
>WRRRRRRRRRRRR
>he dead
>AI gives me sidequests over binary chat
>ok, paarthurnax
>roll out of science, head to brig (not even through maintenance, because there is nobody stopping me on the way there)
>see the detective yelling at the HoS about something, he suddenly falls over at the brig entrance
>HoS stares at me like an autist as I casually roll up, grab the detective, and casually roll away with him as he screams in vain
>WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
>he dead
>head back to science, ligger servants are actually starting to build a clockwork base
>suddenly, AI starts calling for help
>rush to engineering, to find the HoS, a sec officer, the chaplain, and an engineer trying to get to the minisat
>urge human servant to call everyone to engineering as I go in
>juke around the engineering lobby, stunning everyone for ratvar
>HoS is firing his laser gun willy nilly, sec officer chases me around with a flash and a stunbaton, chaplain thwacks me a couple times with his weaboo sword, engineering desperatly tries to avoid getting drilled
>stun HoS, drag him out
>WRRRRRRRRRRRR
>he dead
>stun chaplain
>WRRRRRRRRRRR
>he dead
>other sec officer tries to run, gets stunned and e-sword'd by another borg
>engineer tries to drag wounded away, stun him
>WRRRRRRRRR
>he dead
>get to the minisat to ensure nobody else is there
>servants begin gathering in research, everything is getting ready for the justicars arrival
>rush to robotics to get repaired
>"A GATEWAY TO THE CELESTIAL DISTRICT HAS OPENED IN ROBOTICS!"
>wew lad
>AI calls for help, but the teleporter room has been welded off and engineering door is hacked
>try to help the AI, but im honestly too lazy to go all the way to the minisat through other means, round is almost over anyway
>sit in robotics with my cultist friends as we watch Ratvar arrive and fuck up the station
>gg no re

Not really that awesome, but my first full, real Clockwork Cult round. Fun as hell, great gamemode.

IcePacks · Post by **IcePacks** » Wed Jun 15, 2016 8:44 pm #187066

>spawn as assistant
>YOU ARE THE TRAITOR
>kill this engineer
>five bucks says this guy's packing heat
>find him in a dead-end maint shaft
>perfection
>shoot him dead after preforming a very obvious traitor "HELLO I AM GREETING YOU TO BUY MYSELF TIME TO SPAWN A WEAPON AND KILL YOU"
>i can't believe that worked
>begin stripping the corpse; plan to sabotage engine
>burn him beyond recognition and put my stuff on him while screaming about how i'm slain over the radio
>some dude walks in
>shit
>shoot him dead too, before he screams
>that was close but so far so good
>put both bodies in a locker
>turn to leave
>some other assistant runs up and stunbatons me
>try to talk my way out of it
>fail
>okay fuck looks like the jig is up
>he opens my corpse locker
>OH YOU MUST BE A TRAITOR
>yes motherfucker that's what i was trying to tell you, other traitor
>he helps me up
>his stand begins inexplicably beating the fuck out of me like a gigantic stand-shit
>fuck this guy i'm gonna kill him
>he manages to talk his stand down
>check my revolver to see how many murder-bullets i have
>one
>welp here goes nothing
>pick up my screwdriver
>aim for the eyes
>shoot him in the head and start stabbing his goddamn eyes
>his stand shows up and resumes beating the crap out of me
>incapacitate him
>his stand starts trying to run around and heal him
>start trying to kill his stand
>a bunch of witnesses show up
>including the captain
>captain's in space
>shoots the stand to death
>after about twenty seconds, with me also trying to beat it to death
>why do stands have so much fucking health for the amount of insane utility they ha-
>okay back on topic
>"WE DID IT"
>captain turns his fire to me
>die
>well, fuck
>deadchat tears
>WHY DID YOU KILL ME PAX WHY MURDERBONER WE WERE GOING TO DO A STAND GIMMICK
>this stand is telling me, after he tried to straight-up murder my ass when i was conversing with his host, that they were going to do a gimmick
>meanwhile, captain gets cucked in space
>dies
>he thought i was a changeling because there were two bryce paxes, one of whom was a husk and the other was out of uniform
>i probably could have avoided half of this by putting on the helmet

WEAR YOUR GODDAMN HELMETS

>round continues
>shit explodes left and right
>people dying in droves
>a true comedy of errors

ShadowDimentio · Thu Jun 16, 2016 11:41 pm

>Be HoS
>No cap so I secure the disc
>Gang tags everywhere
>Implant a bunch of dudes
>No gang tells
>Suddenly the armory explodes and the warden is shot dead
>OPS
>TWO OF THEM
>TAZE THEM BOTH AND LASE THEM BOTH NEARLY DEAD
>CUCKED BY THEM AT LIKE TWO HEALTH EACH
>THEY FAIL TO NOTICE I HAD THE DISK
>COME BACK MINUTES LATER TO GET IT
>THEY GET CUCKED BY INVENTORIES AND IT'S STILL IN MY BAG
>THEY FINALLY GET IT AND GO TO LEAVE ONLY TO BE FOUND BY A GUARD RETRIEVING IT
>THEY BOTH GET CUCKED BY MISSING
>THE OP'S BUDDY SHOWS UP
>ONE OP GETS CUCKED AND SHOOTS ANOTHER
>THE GUARD IS JUKING AND GETS A LUCKY STUN HIT ON
>HIS BUDDIES SHOW UP AND NAB THE DISK
>OPS GET CUCKED AND THE CAP HAS THE DISK
>SUDDENLY STEALTH OP OUT OF NOWHERE BOMBS THE CAPTAIN
>RETRIEVES THE TELEPORTED DISK
>CUCKS THE STATION ALONE
>EVERYONE GETS CUCKED

WHAT A WILD FUCKING RIDE

Not-Dorsidarf · Fri Jun 17, 2016 9:11 am

When the stealth op is the last one alive because his buddies were retards, his Ninjitsu goes through the roof

confused rock · Mon Jun 20, 2016 6:47 am

You did not survive the events on UR ALL FAT ANDREW MITCHELL IS KICKIN RAD...
Best traitor round I have had in a long time
also released bees with the holodeck

vulpineryth · Post by **vulpineryth** » Tue Jun 21, 2016 3:18 pm #188714

> choose to be Borg but end up being RD. ah well time for SCI-
> You are the traitor! Kill the Ai and escape.
> Realize it's Double agent and malf FUCK.
> get Science set up and AI calls me traitor and realize it's one too
> Grab Advanced hardsuit and get to AI Sat. Take EMP Flashlight and nades with eMag
> also crap a morph disguised as a Borg after trying to EMP it
> after clearing defenses with EMP and eMag realize he's been moved after wasting more tc fuck.
> get back on station and use remaining tc to give people EMP nades and assault the AI in the grav gen.
>Spam nades while fending off borgs which were increasing because Borg maker
> kill AI but now station is filled with murderous borgs and morphs as everyone else but a ligger dies.
>dodge borgs and the morph,use EMP flash light and laser pointer to disable them and remove their batteries while the shuttle comes
> barely make it thanks to SCI door remote working on the escape air locks by going into them before bolt and eMag to make them useless.
> only one to make it to shuttle. Celebrate surviving the Robopocolypse with a ligger on a pod
> then dash out of the shuttle once arrived at ctcomm and run into super matter shard

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Tue Jun 21, 2016 4:35 pm #188747

Great, now I've gotta blow my 4000th post on telling you that your miscapitalisation of "emag" triggers me immensely.

nsos · Post by **nsos** » Wed Jun 22, 2016 1:57 am #188873

why do you have 4000 fucking posts

nsos · Post by **nsos** » Wed Jun 22, 2016 1:58 am #188875

i'm going to get my account permabanned at 1000

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Wed Jun 22, 2016 4:58 am #188921

I have 4000 posts because I am very good at shitposting.

Anonmare · Post by **Anonmare** » Wed Jun 22, 2016 4:14 pm #189023

Are you perhaps part-Australian?

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Wed Jun 22, 2016 4:21 pm #189026

No relatives in the Anglosphere.

jaxy15 · Post by **jaxy15** » Sun Jun 26, 2016 6:08 pm #190296

>Observe round 15 minutes in
>See a vault creature on Lavaland doing botany, decide to join in because why not
>Two miners gibtonite into the seed vault with the intent to kill and loot us
>Get a lucky RNG knockdown on one of the miners, hack him to death with a hatchet
>Take his KA and kill the other miner with it, using low-potency ambrosia gaia to keep myself alive
>The other vault creature and I take their stuff and throw their bodies into lava
>We continue going about our business for the next hour-and-a-half
>I mess around with botany and mine some ore for science
>He uses genetics to make some combat-robust gaia and acid-filled watermelons
>Reports of a Ratvar cult over the radio
>Take some plants along with me and go to deliver ore, other vault creature comes along to set up his suicide booth in the bar
>Bully some cultists with the watermelons
>After a while, they summon their Celestial Gateway thing
>A brave golem suicide bombs the area, giving me an opportunity to destroy the gateway with a survival knife
>Run before I die to the cold and go to wait for the shuttle
>Shuttle docks, 5 Ratvar cultists attack me after I board it
>Slaughter them all with RNG knockdowns

Can't beat the power of RNG.

Laharl Monthy · Mon Jun 27, 2016 3:29 pm

>I'm bored on sybil, time to observe this round.
>I watch around mining a bit, see where the big mobs are and if the miners are likely to find 'hem
>See Zoey getting meat spiked by Silar because of reasons, Pocket is leaking blood everywhere because he caught a shuriken with his face.
>Zoey SOMEHOW almost strangles the HoS from her meatspike

>BUT WAIT
>IT'S ACTUALLY WIZARD TIME
>Wizard is a friendly lich, hanging out in the bridge. Really now?
>Except that said Wizard summoned a laughter demon.
>Due to meatspikes and the clown, among other things, there's blood everywhere.
>You can guess that the demon pretty well exploited this to the maximum, and must have nommed about 3/4th of the crew
>In the meanwhile, the wizard is shilling alone in the bridge, and a rod is making loops around the station.
>Pretty standard, as far as murder demons go. Deadchat is throwing a tantrum over how op the demon is.

>After eating up botany, the demon feels regretfull and puts himself in the path of the rod. And then waits.
>And wait.
>And wait - THERE'S THE ROD
>The demon vanishes in a puff of smoke!
>...And limbs start flying out.
>SO MANY LIMBS, HO MY GOD, IT'S A LITTERAL SHOWER OF LIMBS, ALL OVER MAINT
>LIMBLESS DYING BODIES APPEAR ALL OVER THE STATION
>WHAT

Turns out, when a slaughter demon dies, all the people he's eaten respawn on his location, alive, before being teleported out to a random location onboard. Except that, in that case, they respawned...Right in the rod's path. Deadchat ended up repopulated real quickly, and then filled with laughter when everyone realized what happened.

Zilenan91 · Post by **Zilenan91** » Mon Jun 27, 2016 3:31 pm #190593

I don't think the people being eaten by a demon should respawn fully alive. That sounds like a bug.

Post by **Shaps-cloud** » Mon Jun 27, 2016 3:42 pm #190597

No that was a laughter demon, they don't kill you, they just bring you really close inside them so they can bring you on all sorts of fun shenanigans. When they die you pop out no worse for the wear

(unless they get hit by a rod apparently)

Zilenan91 · Post by **Zilenan91** » Mon Jun 27, 2016 3:45 pm #190598

Thought that was a typo gotcha

One Seven One · Fri Jul 01, 2016 1:43 am

>Be ghost with the intent to watch stupid shit happen
>Spot this

>This is going to be a shit show
>Round starts and two eggs get taken
>Figure, fuck it, let's MAKE this a shit show
>Tell the other Ashwalkers to hide in boxes
>It actually works amazingly well
>When the storm ends we hear proto shots
>Eventually one miner comes knocking
>He hits the tendril
>WE AMBUSH
>He's dead before he knows it
>We feed him and hide again
>ANOTHER
>AMBUSH 2: FUCK YOU
>We feed them to the tendril
>Start patching up and exploring
>Ashwalker runs in and says they found another miner
>HUNT
>He's dead
>Que more people coming aboard to try and kill us
>They all get fucked

And after the round the salt was immense.
I could rename lavaland saltland

Screemonster · Fri Jul 01, 2016 2:15 am

One Seven One wrote:stuff

lolololololololololololololololol

Jacough · Post by **Jacough** » Sat Jul 02, 2016 8:40 am #192065

> Respawn as science golem
> Scientist is a traitor who wants me to steal the captain's jetpack for him
> Sure thing pops
> Start getting geared up
> Going all tribal with two spears and a bola
> Spend a while hunting him
> Finally track him back to his office
> He's in there retrieving his space gear and flanked by security
> Shuttle's past the point of no return, figure he's going to be surrounded by sec for the rest of the round
> Not really sure how to approach this
> Come up with a plan
> "Hey captain, may I borrow your jetpack please?"
> He gives it to me
> Mission accomplished.

Spoiler:

CrunchyCHEEZIT · Sat Jul 02, 2016 11:19 pm

>You are Joseph McJohn, science man, on boxstation
>fuck here we g--
>YOU ARE THE TRAITOR
>KILL THE AI
>ESCAPE ALIVE
>fuck here we go x2
>run into maint, pray to space gods for revenant TC trade
>they dont respond, wait forever (like, 5-10 minutes)
>fuck it
>formulate a plan and run over to HoP to get main access
>clown is running the HoP line, makes me a "science clown"
>he gave me all access, but i didnt know it at the time and just assume he gave me maint access
>go through RnD maint, now south of toxins near an external airlock
>purchase an e-mag, syndicate hardsuit, X-4 explosives and an EMP duffelbag
>store coat, PDA and regular duffelbag inside locker, don syndicate hardsuit and hide ID in pocket
>You are Unknown, syndicate man
>spacewalk to the east, heading to the AI sat
>no one notices anything yet, move along the eastern side of the AI sat down to its core
>time to make it happ--
>south of AI sat is already bombed
>AI is already dead
>turrets destroyed
>well, fuck, that was easy, didnt even have to do anything
>rewind steps all the way back, syndie hardsuit off, coat back on, syndie gear hidden in locker
>You are Joseph McJohn yet again, but now you have an e-mag and an EMP implant
>fuck around the station for abit, try to cause mischief with e-mag but too retarded to find anything to e-mag
>while skulking through maint, pass by some librarians shit
>evidently, some autist thought I killed the librarian to steal his shit
>get reported to sec, get arrested and taken to brig
>call security abunch of cucks, try to EMP implant out of brig
>fail as the doors dont open
>warden tries to find a place to store me that isnt near any electronics (still have 2-3 EMP implant charges)
>she decides to try and teleport me to lavaland gulag
>teleporter was broken by my EMP implant
>wew
>warden takes me on the shuttle and tries to manually gulag me
>EMP IMPLANT
>shuttle console supposedly breaks, doors get EMPd
>warden groans and tries to take me off the shu--
>THE DOORS WERE SHOCKED
>WARDEN GETS SHOCKED AND FALLS
>BUT WAIT, THE SHUTTLE ACTUALLY LAUNCHES
>WEWEWEW
>warden screams "WHAT" as her stunned body ends up opening the shuttle door
>she fucking flies out of the shuttle
>cackle like a mad scientist

I was unfortunately marooned on the gulag, because I incidentally broke the shuttle console for real when using my last EMP implant to fuck with beepsky. I later found out the brig was eaten by the singularity anyway so I wouldn't have made it anyway. Even though I didn't greentext, that fucking bit at the end made this round 10/10

Not-Dorsidarf · Sun Jul 30, 2023 1:33 am

10/10

InsaneHyena · Post by **InsaneHyena** » Sun Jul 03, 2016 9:35 pm #192465

I've had a shitload of awesome rounds today, but this was the best by far.

> Highpop HoS
> The only sec member beside me is Garithos Humes
> Holy shit, Steelpoint was right about everything.
> Hang out in the brig.
> Gulag Zoey Webb for trying to steal the captain's ID (same shit every fucking round)
> Suddenly, a crowd of greytiders, mainly lizards
> Shoot them with lethals until they retreat
> Two of them somehow end up inside, continue attacking even after being loyalty implanted
> Yeah, kill them both.
> Gang signs everywhere, apparently.
> Well, shit.
> Garithos locks down the brig, we take the implants and raid cargo
> There's nobody in cargo. Only a cargo jumpsuit lying on the table. Huh.
> No points to buy mindshield implants
> I wonder who might be behind this.
> Raid science instead, get in a fight with gangsters, implant them.
> I immediately give full sec access to all three of them.
> They become my deputies and the backbone of new security. Because security is a conversion antag, and you should know this by now.
> Return to cargo, buy a single crate of implants.
> See a cargotech lizard.
> Hello there, motherfucker.
> He sees me and takes a grenade
> He manages to activate it, but not throw it - I pump him full of disabler shots before he does.
> Grenade explodes and takes the cargo lobby out, and killing it's creator in the process
> He really blew this out of proportion.
> Zoey Webb comes back from gulag, starts hanging out in cargo.
> Bryce Pax slips her and throws her in the way of the coming cargo shuttle
> Zoey dies
> Instantly fall in love with Bryce
> Still, stun him, cuff him and drag him around until I can actually implant the fucker.
> Using the lizard's ID, I can finally work with crates. Miners bring in plasma, so we can finally afford this shit.
> Bryce escapes my clutches, gets stunned, falls in the hole in the wall and gets crushed by the cargo shuttle.
> Live by the sword, die by the sword.
> My deputies are bringing in people, who I implant and turn into even more deputies
> I hunt down the gang heads and kill them one by one.
> Even Glover Reed.
> Sorry, Reed, I felt guilty about this, but you shot me with a syringe gun.
> AI is calling security "the dominant force on the station" for eternity now.
> When the shuttle arrives, the entire station is implanted
> The round ends, OOC chat calls security robust as fuck.
> AI proudly calls me and Garithos the best sec he's played with in a while.
> Even admins take note of my robustness and tell me how "maybe security can still be redeemed" a few rounds later.

Jacough · Post by **Jacough** » Sun Jul 03, 2016 9:49 pm #192470

> Be chaplain
> Metastation
> Decide to make offer to the gods
> Drag brain dead corpses to the chapel and decapitate them
> Set up a shrine on the altar made of limbs and the severed heads of the offerings
> Buckle the headless corpses to the seats by the altar
> Pray to the gods, telling them that the six kings sit upon their thrones, their heads upon the altar and ask for a boone
> Ask for unlimited power and get a power cell with infinite charge
> Admins shower the room with gibs

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Sun Jul 03, 2016 10:42 pm #192482

>ask for a boone

I woulda spawned in a centcom officer with a shielded beret and a sniper rifle tbh

ShadowDimentio · Mon Jul 04, 2016 4:59 am

"Can I have my hat back"
-Boone

IcePacks · Post by **IcePacks** » Mon Jul 04, 2016 8:56 pm #192754

InsaneHyena wrote: > Bryce escapes my clutches, gets stunned, falls in the hole in the wall and gets crushed by the cargo shuttle.
> Live by the sword, die by the sword.

i was afk

Jacough · Post by **Jacough** » Tue Jul 05, 2016 1:18 am #192814

> Walk into metastation dorms as clown
> Some joker set up a cardboard cultist and drew a red rune near the washer
> Lie down on the rune and start screaming for help
> People burst in
> "God damn it clown"
> Frustrated security guard grabs the cut out and drags me to the brig
> Screams that he's going to show me how to do it right
> Drags me towards the center of the station
> Yells at me to draw a red rune
> I do it
> He sets up the cardboard cultist and stands on the rune
> Tells me to scream like I mean it and suicides with an O2 canister
> This guy's good

It gets better though.

> Round progresses
> Come back to where the officer suicided
> Gimmick caught on
> People have set up even more cardboard cultists around it
> Walk by the brig
> People have set up tons of cardboard gasmask/stun prod assistants in front of the brig

I officially love whoever added cardboard cut outs.

Xhuis · Post by **Xhuis** » Tue Jul 05, 2016 3:49 am #192851

Jacough wrote:I officially love whoever added cardboard cut outs.

That'd be me!

Raven776 · Post by **Raven776** » Tue Jul 05, 2016 10:57 am #192961

>Spawn in as Juniper Breeze, ShaftMiner or whatever.
>Haven't done much mining since coming back.
>Prue Evans with me, as well as Donatello Versu-
>Donatello immediately suicides because he didn't get traitor.
>He runs out into the lobby and declares his access is free game.
>Dan Dickers walks by, Janitor.
>Dan Dickers is now the other miner.
>Dan Dickers and I go way back.
>I painstakingly explain to him what he needs for mining (mostly just waited for him to figure out while looking at the wiki)
>Get on the shuttle with Prue.
>She asks if we want to stick together. I try to let her down easy.
>We get on lavaland, Prue fucks off to somewhere.
>Me and Dan go around hitting rocks with our resonators.
>Prue warns us there's a watcher near the base.
>Me and Dan descend upon it.
>Prue watches, compliments...
>We go mining elsewhere.
>Dust storm. I throw down a capsule, Dan is slow on the uptake with it...
>Prue hops in from nowhere.
>We roll for survival. I got a 7, Dan rolled a natural 20.
>We go around having adventures. Prue is not trusted as competent or safe to be around, but being alone in Lavaland is bad.
>We explore, we fight, we win, we lose...
>Tendrils go down into the ground with loot we could not have grabbed.
>Screen goes red and something calls to us... Don't know what it was, but it happened right before a dust storm.
>We hide, come out, regroup, and get back to station...
>Science doesn't have the super gear. Not fighting the ash drake like that.
>Dan went back to mining. I'm nervously checking the GPS.
>He went from lavaland to space...
>Dan used a mirror of vanity.
>I scream at Prue, Prue lifts her helmet up and swims out into space after him...
>I wait on station, fret around, grab a jetpack, ditch the jetpack...
>Worried if I leave, I'll get lost as well. I rolled a 7. Dan rolled a 20. Prue said she did not gamble...
>I watch the GPS, they get to... The abandoned ship.
>They arrive on station using it.
>I hug dan, yell at Dan, call dan an idiot, hit dan, hug dan.
>Dan does not speak.
>I demand to know what he did. Did he lose his tongue? Did he become mime with the mirror?
>He takes off his helmet.
>Ayyylmao.
>I load dan into the mass driver and shoot him out of the cannon at the space ship. I yell at dan.
>Does dan know what he makes me do?
>I let him back in, then shoot him out again. Then he finally goes around the long way to not get caught in the mass driver.
>He's sending me PDA messages and flipping me off.
>Shit's going weird on station. We walk down the hallway and the bartender blasts Prue with a taser shot of some sort. I knock the bartender down and take his gun before running off with it.
>Take it to cargo, don't really want it... saw it off and hand it back.
>Bartender lays into me with a laser and some other type of gun.
>Can't tell if I'm regenerating fast from my implanted legion soul or he's just not hurting much.
>I run through maintenance, leave a legion blood monster behind me to fight him, and escape.
>Warp storms dump loads of syndies on station. Save prue, save a random cargo tech, me and Dan descend upon syndies with mining weapons.
>We get to escape and handle syndies with EASE.
>I yell at dan there, yell more, doesn't he know what I've done for him?
>He asks to be killed.
>Not yet bitch, I'm not done yelling.
>I tell him that he's just going to have to cosplay as a lizard person from now on.
>Prue says that Centcomm has backups of all of our DNA. It's fine.
>Centcomm: We lost all of your DNA backups. Try not to die.
>Fuck you Centcomm. Fuck you Dan.
>We board the shuttle. I promise dan we'll find another mirror and I'll become lmao too.
>He tells me he could just become human with it.
>I tell him I hadn't considered that and was busy thinking about how to best shove stuff into unwilling surgery recipients.
>extended round ends with 1 ayylmao miner and all 3 of them having blood demon powers from legion souls.
>10/10 mining

Not-Dorsidarf · Sun Jul 30, 2023 1:33 am

I overheard Prue and instantly knew what I had to do.

Tue Jul 05, 2016 12:44 pm

Man fuck Dan

confused rock · Tue Jul 05, 2016 11:27 pm

>events wiz meme round
>get mindswap and a centcomm gun thingy
>guy with portals is fucking shit
>kick his ass
>prank sec with portals because they just executed a cool nerd
>teaching nathan how to use a wicker doll when a detective murders me
>nathan proceeds to kill some sec (not the detective though)
>detective staff of healings me just so that he can gulag me
>mindswap him
>he horseheads and blinds me so I accidentally space him on the gulag shuttle
>get off shuttle
>suddenly sloan or somebody ebows me
>barely survive because detective armor
>about to finish me off though when he falls over for no reason
>shoot him
>mindswap into nearby humanized monkey except they are braindead instead of catatonic
>get fully healed and un-horseheaded by mindswap
>nathan and I figure out it was him fucking with sloan with the wicker doll and him trying the screwdriver that saved my ass

ShadowDimentio · Wed Jul 06, 2016 5:46 am

>Be traitor
>Trade for Ayys
>This gon b gud
>Get a competent partner
>We lmao it up
>Abduct three guys
>Kill one in surgery but the others are okay
>Rod memes get the shuttle called
>We swipe the HoP's ID off his corpse in the hall and recall
>Get another abduct when it's called again
>AI keeps fucking with the power and won't let us recall
>Steal the secure storage comm board and recall
>Get dunked
>Engineer releases singu
>We try to abduct the engineers thinking it had passed
>NOPE
>IT'S RIGHT ON TOP OF US
>TELEPORT AWAY AND RECALL AYYBRO, UNSURE IF HE ESCAPED
>HE FUCKING DID
>High-five each other
>The station is destroyed to fuck
>Emergency 25 minute shuttle is launched
>Two ERPs come in as relief and to remove the "movable rod"
>Literally all the south station is fucking gone
>Nab a bunch more guys
>Try to grab some guy out of the densly populated escape area
>A miner throws a fireball at bro
>N o p e
>Get more than enough abductions, including the warden and HoS
>Round ends, the masks come off my teammate
>I was playing with Goof

WHAT A TWIST

IcePacks · Post by **IcePacks** » Wed Jul 06, 2016 2:45 pm #193369

the twist at the end knocked me flat on my ass

onleavedontatme · Wed Jul 06, 2016 9:17 pm

(F) Dean Osterwise says, "Hey"
(F) Dean Osterwise says, "Want to be antag"
(F) Charles Bukowski says, "No"
(F) Dean Osterwise says, "OK"

Reece · Post by **Reece** » Wed Jul 06, 2016 10:44 pm #193527

This isn't the fiction thread Kor.

confused rock · Thu Jul 07, 2016 1:00 am

>be assistant as usual
>round started really fucking recently
>guy casually climbs over chef table and fucking kills the chef with a dual esword
>while I call for help, he closes the shutters
>bartender is autistic and tells me to get the fuck off his table and ignores the guy killing chef
>don't give a fuck, grab the pie
>get into the freezer before the chef guy can close the door
>He unzips his esword
>pie him
>he drops the sword
>he gets lynched

pie op

Cayce · Post by **Cayce** » Thu Jul 07, 2016 1:09 am #193578

>You are the traitor.
>Steal the reactive armor.
>I steal the hand tele and use it to get to science early into the round.
>Emag into RD's office and closet, get armor.

>Bored.

Being bored when I've completed my objectives as an antagonist usually results in me being killed for my antics, so I decide to try something more subdued.

>I move the escape hall arcade machine to the center of the hallway and surround it with glowing glass tiles, and emag it.

>Several people come to Outbomb Cuban Pete.
>The AI is asked to play.
>The AI gibs.
>Cuban Pete takes about six lives, including a cyborg, before someone lobs a bomb at escape and it is destroyed.

Zilenan91 · Post by **Zilenan91** » Thu Jul 07, 2016 1:11 am #193579

confused rock · Thu Jul 07, 2016 5:08 pm

>be traitor
>learn power first is garbage
>sec gonna either perma or execute me
>buttmad man from last round drags me off to space me out of escape
>he gets arrested by beepsky
>escape thanks to him
>he later comes at me with a dual esword
>disarm him and kick his ass

IcePacks · Post by **IcePacks** » Thu Jul 07, 2016 5:15 pm #193741

>captain
>name station pax blast usa
>hop is a turd
>add a law 4: physical punishment doled out by the captain is not harm
>hop continues to be a turd
>clown has a pet cat named keekhi who keeps slipping security
>shoot at it, annoyed
>slip
>fuck
>keekhi ditches his peel to space my gun
>attempts to space me as well when confronted over it
>lose my chain of command
>space the clown
>throw a pie after him for good measure
>he comes back
>save him, fuck it
>hop continues to be even shittier
>get arrested
>smells the feet tries to fuck me
>get released
>go after the hop
>he saxes around with a teleporter as per the norm
>trade fire in hallways
>finally drop him
>kill the fuck outta him
>park gulag shuttle on his corpse for good measure
>alright fuck yeah
>keekhi comes back, despite being spaced
>lose my laser gun (that the hop stole)
>fuck
>try to kill the assholes that stole it
>get teleported to arrivals
>goddammit
>scientist runs up and stuns himself
>slip myself trying to slip him
>fuck
>he dies anyways, is-a-lizard kills him
>get his emag
>shuttle comes
>EVA is on fire
>fuck it
>emag the shuttle
>fuck you
>a guy runs on with a few dudes on fire and a bomb at the last second
>dumbfuck bartender lights me on fire running around like a cuck
>bomb blows up
>kills everyone on the shuttle
>shuttle crashes into dorm poopers
>The round has ended.
You did not survive the events on UNARMED Pax Blast USA...
Shift Duration: 0:37:02
Station Integrity: 98.3%
Total Population: 42
Evacuation Rate: 0 (0%)
Survival Rate: 22 (52.4%)

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Thu Jul 07, 2016 5:21 pm #193744

Jesus fuck, could a Pax captain round end any other way?