Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

confused rock · Sun Apr 10, 2016 12:22 pm

Bottom post of the previous page:

molimoch wrote:I started as a simple doctor. I did what any sane person would do when a round starts, I put a beaker full of orange soda in the medbot. I then returned to the medbay. My fellow doctor, Felix asked me to perform surgery on him, and put the penlight inside him, so I did. Then another doctor named Juliana came and asked us what we were doing. Then we went to the bar and got drunk. I smashed some bottles on my head, and died. BUT, I was cloned.
So after my mental illness was cured, crazy birdman came, and pushed me into a shower, with burning water. I almost died there, but I survived. So we started beating on the bird man, while Felix was on the burning shower. We finally killed the bird man, and no one died. I took his body, and found out he was a traitor. I took bolas, just in case, and called the captain. He told me to clone him, but that was not possible, so we moved on. I took the syndicate PDA to security.
So I was doing doctor stuff, and I ended up walking around the station. I saw the chaplain attack someone, so I threw the bolas and disarmed him. Something fell to the floor, it was a soul stone. I took it and ran, and the chaplain managed to hit me with some godly hammer, I don't know what it was. I told Felix, and he asked how the fucked I kept getting into these messes. To be honest I don't even know myself. I took the stone to the captain, he thanked me, bumped up my ID access and gave me a medal.
I went on, happy with what I just did and went to the bar. I ate and ate, until I became obese. Then a chef attacked my eyes with a fork, and blinded me. So I ran and got cured, prepared myself with a lethal injection, and went back. He was already dead, and security were there. Other people claimed that he attacked his eyes, and the security concluded that he was a rapist(???).
I got a message in my PDA, Felix had killed himself, and his body was behind Woody's Got Wood (what the fuck?). I never did find his body though.
Then, a virus breaks out. I saw a guy on the floor, and helped him up. But when I analysed his vitals, and he had a deadly virus! Brain rot? I ran and got a cure, and the medbay started distributing cures. After this, I grabbed a space suit and put it on.
The virus was still rampaging the station, and a singularity broke out. When the emergency shuttle arrived, I ran to it, although slow, since I was obese. I was shocked to find a giant hull breach, and the singularity was right where the emergency shuttle was supposed to be. So I ran up, and got into an escape pod. But, there were like 10 people already inside, but I didn't care, I got in.
I want to get off Mr. Pod's Wild Ride, I thought. A security officer was throwing foam grenades and flash bangs. It was a horrible experience.

ayy lmao

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Sun Apr 10, 2016 1:16 pm #167909

Found the plebbitor!

confused rock · Sun Apr 10, 2016 3:24 pm

>molimoch posts story
>shun the leddit user

confused rock · Sun Apr 10, 2016 3:25 pm

>miner traitor
>steal the ai fuck that
>begin mining normally
>Abandoned crate has a ...replica katana...
>but in the tendril crates I get a blue/red cube (teleports you to the other cube) and x-ray
>mine a fuck ton of mats
>suddenly guy in a ripley
>say hi
>remember I saw a gluttony room earlier
>suggest he morphs himself so I get the mech
>its garithos and he says "no thanks, im a ling"
>he needs to kill another miner and get the nuke disk
>we hatch a plan for him to get a durand, and I make the minebotpocalypse
>we get lots of mats
>give him one of the teleport cubes
>shuttle gets called
>I get a holoparasite
>get TWENTY THOUSAND mining points
>get about 9 mining drones with upgrades
>stop because they get too rowdy
>explain garithos is a good and we ride into the sunset
>kill a borg
>there was an ert because of some cult event on station
>minebots kill the ert but I get lasered to death in the process
>ert guy calls minebots op
> :')
>slowly all the minebots die, with minebot 8 making a glorious last stand, taking down multiple people with him
>suddenly garithos comes out of nowhere with a durand with a repair drone and rampages in medbay
>suddenly sec comes out of nowhere and ravages his ass with an ion carbine
>adrenals get garithos up right before the cuffs come on
>he runs into the sunset
>they almost catch him but he teleports using one of the cubes and runs in the opposite direction
>he recharges his guns in the arrivals checkpoint
>suddenly shuttle gets emagged
>He sprints onto a pod and lasers the other guy on it
>lots of people on the shuttle but nobody else on pods
>he is the sole greentext of the round

molimoch · Post by **molimoch** » Sun Apr 10, 2016 4:50 pm #167932

I'm the reddit user.

Valiantttt · Post by **Valiantttt** » Mon Apr 11, 2016 9:44 pm #168172

> in deadchat
> normal rev round, some heads alive
> "Would YOU like to play as a nanotrasen minebot"
> ohboyyeah
> "yo mining bot go kill the heads"
> bring me to the station cause minebot has no access
> upgrades me with hp
> go out in the hallway
> spot CE
> EXTERMINATE!! EXTERMINATE!!
> manage to drill the CE to death.
> down to 42% because CE and QM managed to get hits in
> space the body
> move on to security
> break windows
> see officer dragging bodies outside
> go in for the kill
> drill him in the airlock
> he toke me down to 1%
> "Bitch please, 1%"
> go back
> see plasma and captain
> captain breaks light
> lel shock
> rush in and drill him whilst dragging to space
> "The revolutionaries have won! The heads were killed or exiled!"
> FREE MINEBOT! MINEBOT STRONK!

and I did my orders as asked. Kill all the heads.

One Seven One · Tue Apr 12, 2016 12:22 am

This story is a bit old and the htm I had apparently saved nothing.
So this is all from my shit memory but is still pretty accurate save for a few things probably happening in a different order.

>Be a miner on the old asteroid
>Time to mi-
>Ding, you're a traitor. Steal some papers, any papers, we don't give a fuck.
>Also steal the HoS' cool gun
>Well alright then
>Purchase a ranged Holoparasite
>Rhodium Rose boots up
>Rhodium says something intended for ghost chat
>"Hello!"
>"..."
>"Hello?"
>"..."
>"You there?"
>"..."
>Wait for seven minues with no sign of them coming around
>Finally say fuck it and hit the New Holoparasite button
>No ghosts hit yes
>Stuck with a probably ghosted Holoparasite
>Start looking for Artifact rooms as an excuse to wait for a new ghost.
>Hit it again after a while
>Rhodium: "Greetings master!"
>Fucking hurray
>Tell Rhodium my objective and start talking about a plan
>As we're about to board the shuttle a mining borg comes along
>Huh, it's a bit late for tha-
>Mining borg starts drilling me
>Rhodium pops out and begins peppering the borg with crystals
>I start beating it with my pick-axe
>Borg is dead
>"Well if the AI is against me I need to prepare a little more. I know the location of an old syndicate building."
>Wander all the way to the back of the asteroid to grab the free Combat Gloves
>On our way up there and back we start talking a little
>Rhodium Rose acts cutsie and uses ~s
>Kind of adorable
>We head back to the station and figure we'll take the papers hidden in the vault
>We make our way around
>As I'm welding in the through the wall someone with a space suit starts trying to chat me up
>Maybe if I'm quiet and I don't move he'll go away
>Eventually he does
>Fuck yeah
>"Rhodium, check around. I don't want anymore surprises."
>Rhodium checks inside the vault
>The guy with the suit is in there
>The papers are already missing
>The fuck
>We decide to check out the brig's evidence lockers, maybe they took one?
>Rhodium goes looking around while I float my way over
>Rhodium meets the Warden and some other guy
>O-Oh, what are they saying
>"They say the papers are right outside the perma brig."
>Wait what
>Break in from perma's windows, buy an emag, and grab the papers
>Wow, that was... easy, now all we need is the HoS' gun
>"It'll probably be on the HoS."
>"Probab- wait we don't have a HoS."
>Check the Warden?
>Start asking Rhodium how her conversation with the Warden went
>"When I refused them sexual favors they started hitting me."
>RAGE
>"Which one did it, I'll kill 'em?!"
>The warden
>Shoot my fucking way through the small armory's windows
>Start breaking the glass to hop over the desk
>"Just emag the shutter controls."
>Oh right
>Run in and grab some laser guns and start firing at the Warden
>They hit computers
>Fuck I'm stupid
>Warden notices me and we start shooting each other
>I'm in a terrible position so I emag my way to the security room right outside the HoS' door.
>Start having a fire fight with the Warden
>Rhodium unloads crystals in to the Warden
>The fucking asshole in the spacesuit comes in from the airlocks and starts firing a stun gun
>Get hit by one
>Rhodium chases him off with Crystals
>I get up
>Rhodium downs the Warden
>Fuck ye-
>Security officer pops in and tosses a SPEAR in to my leg
>FUCK
>I start trying to pull it out
>Spacesuit guy shows up AGAIN
>Warden gets whisked away by some officer
>Fuck fuck fuck
>Rhodium shoots spacesuit and he runs off again
>Fall in to crit from blood loss
>FUCK
>Tell Rhodium I'm in crit
>TIME TO PANIC
>Rhodium begins to drag me where the space suit guy came in
>Shoots through the holoroom's windows
>Begins dragging me through the halls
>THE LIGHT IS GETTING PRETTY DAM CLOSE
>"If you can find anyone willing to help, tell them I have medical supplies in my pack."
>Rhodium drags me through medbay and I can only imagine is trying to get a doctor to help
>Get dragged in to the room next to the surgery theater
>THE LIGHT, IS THAT YOU UNCLE ROE?
>Start getting patched
>The light start falling back
>Is this really happening?
>Eventually come to
>"Uhhh, hi?"
>Doctor says I have a lot of blood loss and should take it easy
>"Y-Yeah, thank you."
>You shouldn't cause so much of a ruckus either Rhodium
>Rhodium: "I'll try not to!"
>H-Huh..
>"Is there anything I can do for you doc?" I ask, half expecting them to be a traitor helping out another traitor
>Doctor: "Try not to hurt anyone, makes my job a lot easier."
>"Heh, will do doc."
>One of us, can't remember which, asks if the doc has seen the warden
>Doc "He was in cloning last I saw."
>"Shit, we need his gun."
>Doc walks out and checks
>Me and Rhodium decide our days of shooting up brigs is behind us, we wouldn't even be alive had it not been for this doctor
>We're going to turn our lives around for the better after this
>Doc comes back and says the Warden is already gone
>Well shit
>I try to get up but I keep flopping over from blood loss
>Doc buckles me back in, checks my blood type, and says she's going to go get me some blood
>Doc hooks me up to a blood transfusion tube with one of the blood packs from the Surgery Theater
>Heh, maybe the gun is still in the HoS' locker? It won't be hard to get it and if we're quick we won't have to fight anyone. I think to myself
>Suddenly crit
>Wait what 2 return of the what
>"Oh shit I'm dieing." I say to Rhodium
>White light starts shrinking pretty dam quickly
>"AND FAST AT THAT."
>Doctor checks me
>Tosses me in to cryo
>Still dieing
>The light is so close
>UNCLE ROE I'M COMING BACK
>"Rhodium, just know. You're the best Holoparasite I could have asked for."
>"Good bye."
>DEAD
>Dead chat mildly explodes
>Turns out we had a small following
>People were enjoying our small bits of RP and the brig fight
>Get told the the only reason I'm dead is because there's a bug with the round start blood packs
>Blood pack's labels are randomized
>Blood pack's blood are ALSO randomized
>I'm dead because someone at Centcomm can't label shit correctly or gives two fucks to check before labeling
>I'm fucking laughing over here
>I'm not even mad, this is great. I could not have asked for a funnier way to die.
>Get told the warden was fucking pissed that the doctor was trying to help me instead of validing me
>Fucking hilarious
>Doc realizes after she scanned me why I died.
>Warden comes by and sees my bones and clothes in the cryotube
>Takes my shit and leaves
>Shuttle arrives and round ends

I may have died but fucking hell I enjoyed that round.
After that round I started naming my mining gun after Rhodium Rose.
She may be dead, but she will not be forgotten.

confused rock · Tue Apr 12, 2016 2:23 am

>Playing pretend you're xyzzy with ss13 cards
>its all good
>like half the people leave (still have like 4) after a round ends
>advertise my memes on basil instead of just sybil
>"the_unloved_rock has joined the game" (prolly pascal they were on basil lol)
>jokes on them I was beating them 5 to 0 before they ragequit

kazeespada · Post by **kazeespada** » Tue Apr 12, 2016 6:26 am #168242

>Captured traitor wanted for burning the station TO THE GROUND.
>Gulag for you son.
>SERBER CRASH SYBIL DOWN SYBIL DOWN!
>Restart round, no ones ready.
>Join late as SHAFT MINER
>Oh sweet, new shit.
>Starting KA, so lets see what I get with my voucher.
>Mining bot.
>Mine a bit
>get sweet sweet points.
>AI UPGRADE
>Beep boop Mining bot online
>Ahelp: "Name him gun buddy"
>Prayers answered, new minebot named gun buddy.
>Gun Buddy is total bro, we mine so much shit.
>We kill tendril together, it gives us Kudzu seed.
>We plant Kudzu seed.
>we bro around with mining borg
>We mine a ton of shit.
>Well, lets check RnD.
>Station is chaos, me and gun buddy wade through the chaotic station. HYPER KA OBTAINED
>Fully upgrade gun buddy.
>Still some points left.
>Buy two more bots and AI them.
>Nanotrasen Minebot: "Nigga, we gonna kill some people"
>"No"
>Minebot: "Boring, Imma rebel."
> Warn the bot, and he settles down for now.
>We go mining, fighting a watcher. Minebot 1 and Gun Buddy helping. Minebot 2 shoots me in the ass.
>Bleeding out, go to shelter, eat donk pocket.
>Decide to go find legion.
>find goliath isntead and get crushed
>Gun Buddy dragging me to main station.
>Evil minebot 2 tries to drag my corpse into lava.
>Dragging means he touches lava first. ZIPPP Burns in an instant.
>Minebot 1 and Gun Buddy get wreckt by a goliath ripping apart the mining shuttle
>Round end.

Post by **Archie700** » Tue Apr 12, 2016 7:09 am #168244

kazeespada wrote: >Nanotrasen Minebot: "Nigga, we gonna kill some people"
>"No"
>Minebot: "Boring, Imma rebel."
> Warn the bot, and he settles down for now.
>We go mining, fighting a watcher. Minebot 1 and Gun Buddy helping. Minebot 2 shoots me in the ass.
>Evil minebot 2 tries to drag my corpse into lava.

Don't the minebots have rules to NOT kill the person who made you sentient?

ImaTowel · Post by **ImaTowel** » Tue Apr 12, 2016 5:35 pm #168299

Probably been playing here for about a month after switching away from another server due to its general attitude and just had to post this since I was laughing all the way through.

>Pregame lobby late last night trying to get Barkeep to try some recipes (Super low pop)
>Someone else rolls Barkeep
>Get HoP
>Well shit, at least I can just give myself access
>Deal with round start job changes first
>Assistant turned Chemical botanist, Miner turned Treasure Hunter Extrodinaire and Detective turned HoS since no other security on station
>And for shits and giggles give a borg a no access card named as 'Honorary Hooman' since the borg wanted an ID card
>Finally give myself full access and go to bar
>Demand my epic drink
>Bartender has never heard of it
>Fails to produce any results (not really his fault it's pretty obscure)
>Dicking around and trying to help the Barkeep with my drink
>Borg comes into bar and screams singulo loose!
> I run over to the bridge with borg to call the shuttle
>The singulo starts heading straight for the bridge!
>Emergency shuttle called: SinguEAGRHTJRJ (mashed my keyboard in panic)
>Bridge completely destroyed. Borg and I escape in the nick of time
>I head to escape to try to avoid singulo
>IT HEADS STRAIGHT FOR ESCAPE
>Me and 3 others run into the chapel where I try to get a botanist to ghetto pod me out the chapel mass driver in a coffin
>Botanist can't launch since no access (found out later I could of did it myself)
>Singulo eats the chapel and kills everyone in it
>Only people to make it to the escape shuttle is a virologist and a shaft miner.
>End game comes up and the Detective was a traitor all along and was the one to release the singularity

I was laughing histerically to myself as I tried to launch myself out the mass driver and its a shame my plan failed

Topham · Post by **Topham** » Tue Apr 12, 2016 7:23 pm #168345

>spawn as Sits-On-Faces, the janitor
>late at night, losing my mind, pray for some Fun(TM) before i hospitalize myself out of boredom and desperation
>start fuckin' around, notice i look different
>aw fuck yeah i'm a slime named "slime" time to slime it up
>devour everything and everything i can, including snacks from the machines and donk pockets from maint and the kitchen
>get to the point where i'm begging people to stuff food inside of me so i can finally see the rumored slime splitting action
>after a while, finally produce a clone that i dress up and put in a dorm room and then another that i hide in the confessional because nobody rps with the chaplain anymore
>stuffing my face and talking to the chef when suddenly
You hear a voice in your head...Kill them and you will receive food.
>start talking to the air, going insane. "Wha...who? Where are the voicesss coming from? The voicesss! Where? Who?"
You hear a voice in your head...Infinite food.
You hear a voice in your head...Kill the chef and you will receive infinite food.
>"Yesss, my lord."
>grab two knives from the kitchen vendor and start throwing them and slashing up the first chef
>second chef tries to intervene, slash him up too
>one of them ends up on the ground, other chef runs away
>i think someone dragged the first chef's body away as i searched for the other one
You hear a voice in your head...Yes, my prophet.
>decide it'd be a good idea to switch to the confessional body and make a clone for that one, eat up and do so
>prowl medbay searching for chef blood, knives in hand
You hear a voice in your head...Kill the other slime, they are a false prophet.
>tell the voice in my head that i am the other slime
You hear a voice in your head...I see, it all makes sense now. Give me bodies.
You hear a voice in your head...We need more bodies!
>"Yes, my lord."
>find the other chef in medbay storage, run after him
>start to slash him up, he runs away
>i chase after him but slip on his tactical soap
>rats, foiled again
>screech that i will return and i will have blood until i go into crit from him beating the shit out of me
>see that you can't switch bodies when you're in crit. load of shit.
>pray to the gods for a second chance and that i'm sorry to have failed them, thinking that i was the prophet of one the admins the whole time
>watch the round ghosted, my catatonic clones chilling throughout the station
>round end
>it was just a revenant the whole time
>i was the slime prophet for a revenant

I have failed you, my lord.

confused rock · Wed Apr 13, 2016 2:11 am

>assistant
>no captain
>try to grab nuke disk
>cap bucklecuffs me to their bed
>after yelling about rape for a solid 20 minutes, end up in brig with nothing but my radio and jumpsuit
>HOS is way worse than the cap, calling me a ligger constantly
>ling cryo stings me
>yell multiple times
>HOS Macintosh Plus sits on my body in crit and eats donuts
>no response from an ahelp despite there being 3 admins on
>Get defibbed
>he pepper sprays me and beats me up
>no response from an ahelp again
>ahelp a third time later with different admins on
>no response
>get a new id from the hop
>its on
>Macintosh tries to pepper spray me again
>nope fuck you
>pull an amemelius and slip him with weed killer and cable cuff
>throw a molotov at him
>start stabbing him with an axe
>space him
>he was calling for help the whole time
>realise the hop gave me all access and become the new hos
>ahelp a question in the middle of the round
>I actually get a response for a question, but not about extreme lizard racism
>later get killed by a ling and absorbed but whatever

admins were fucking cancer but damn that felt good

bandit · Post by **bandit** » Wed Apr 13, 2016 2:47 am #168420

The unloved rock wrote:>assistant
>no captain
>try to grab nuke disk
>cap bucklecuffs me to their bed
>after yelling about rape for a solid 20 minutes

you deserved it

Post by **Atlanta-Ned** » Wed Apr 13, 2016 3:06 am #168421

The unloved rock wrote:admins were i was fucking cancer

fixed that for ya

kazeespada · Post by **kazeespada** » Thu Apr 14, 2016 5:24 am #168577

The unloved rock wrote:>assistant
>no captain
>try to grab nuke disk
>cap bucklecuffs me to their bed
>after yelling about rape for a solid 20 minutes, end up in brig with nothing but my radio and jumpsuit
>HOS is way worse than the cap, calling me a ligger constantly
>ling cryo stings me
>yell multiple times
>HOS Macintosh Plus sits on my body in crit and eats donuts
>no response from an ahelp despite there being 3 admins on
>Get defibbed
>he pepper sprays me and beats me up
>no response from an ahelp again
>ahelp a third time later with different admins on
>no response
>get a new id from the hop
>its on
>Macintosh tries to pepper spray me again
>nope fuck you
>pull an amemelius and slip him with weed killer and cable cuff
>throw a molotov at him
>start stabbing him with an axe
>space him
>he was calling for help the whole time
>realise the hop gave me all access and become the new hos
>ahelp a question in the middle of the round
>I actually get a response for a question, but not about extreme lizard racism
>later get killed by a ling and absorbed but whatever

admins were fucking cancer but damn that felt good

Wrong thread buddy? This should be in Ban Appeals

ShadowDimentio · Sat Apr 16, 2016 1:58 am

>Be mime
>CULT
>Oh fuck yes
>Holla to my homies
>They holla back
>Set up a secret door to the Ian room in the bathroom
>Ask for someone to help me convert
>They say they already have a base
>Toxins maint
>I approve of the creativity but this is an awful spot
>Leave and wander around
>Get called back later
>Try to go in the long way to keep the location a secret
>It's got a wall in the way
>Look in the escape entrance
>Literally swarming with people
>Say that they're going to get fucking caught and NEED TO MOVE
>They stay and shortly get caught
>Only me and a scientist left
>Scientist declares he's going braindead
>Grab his body and stuff it in the room
>THE TIME IS NOW
>Grab a few people and convert them flawlessly
>Librarian is one of the converts and leaves his book
>Irony noted, I PDA him and say to get it from his disposal unit
>Continue waiting for converts to Islam
>Have put the talisman rune far away from the convert room to keep my location a secret
>Get slipped by a greyshirt in the tunnels and fed grass?
>He says it's holy water and leaves
>AW HELL NO
>Hit myself with my book to undo my cleansing
>Hopped up on unholy water, I run around the station
>Suddenly a guard goes aggro on me
>Run into maint and he's right on my ass
>Barely manage to talisman him before a flashbang goes off
>Get up with him and talisman him again
>Beat him to death
>Sacrifice him in the name of Narssy
>Make him a wraith and he leaves
>Now up an officer's equipment, I feel powerful as hell
>Realize I was set to arrest
>Go to arrivals to charge and undo my arrest when I realize something
>I have a million brain damage from ODing on unholy water
>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>Lose my sec ID to the computer
>Try thinking of a way to unfuck myself
>Accidentally slip on one of the billion holy water grass things in the hall
>A guard shows up and cuffs me
>There's nothing I can do
>They feed me holy water after finding everything I had
>Ghost out of respect to Islam
>All the ghosts say hi and give respect
>Round is basically over
>EXCEPT THAT THE GUARD I WRAITH'D IS GOING HAM AND KILLING LIKE TEN GUYS
>Oh no wait he's dead
>Congratulate him on godlike murdering
>He says thanks and the round ends
>Like five cultists were left unconverted
>The last living one was the braindead guy who had somehow been found and thrown in perma

Massive redtext but a good round.

One Seven One · Sun Apr 17, 2016 4:03 am

>Be greyshit
>Ding you're a traitor, kill the janitor and escape alive.
>Simple enough
>Buy a holoparasite, a chamo kit, some cigs, and some no slips.
>Tungstan Ivy the scout holoparasite comes online
>Tell 'em to go search around
>Find some suspicious people here and there but not much else
>"Security executed someone."
>"CMO is uploading laws."
>"Oh and your target is in their office."
>Oh shit that makes it easy
>We screw on over and I weld their door shut and sneak around in to maint
>Begin welding wall
>We pop in!
>Our target is...
>Just..
>Standing there..
>Er...
>It'll feel kinda shitty to just kill 'em..
>Fuck it, they're my target and they haven't even left their office.
>"They were moving when I checked on them earlier."
>Oh..
>We drag 'em away without even trying to cuff 'em
>Maybe they'll come back and we'll have a tussle?
>Nope, never happens
>We drag 'em away and kill 'em
>"I guess we should get that shuttle called?"
>Don my chamo suit as officer McHarmington
>Don't really do much with it
>We kill a clown
>Noticed my healing cigs fell out of my pocked when I switched to the chamo suit
>Went back and the locker we stuffed the janitor in is gone but my cigs are still on the ground in front of where it was
>Yoink
>Assumed my target is probably still dead from being AFK
>We go to raid science
>Everything is level 1
>Fucking hell
>We walk over to robotics and the science sec room
>Oh hey an actual officer
>Who's..
>Just..
>Standing there..
>What's with this shit?
>Decide it'd be shitty to kill someone AFK and not my target
>We weld through the wall and strip 'em
>Alright now to d-
>Officer grabs a baton and SMACKS me
>WELL SHIT
>"GET 'EM TUNGSTEN, NO REGRETS NOW
>...
>TUNGSTEN GET' EM
>...
>TUNGSTEN?
>...
>All the while I'm being constantly stunned and eventually cuffed away
>Trying to get myself a new holo the entire time, since I GOTTA GET THAT OFFICER
>No ghosts are around
>TRY AGAIN
>No ghosts are around
>AGAIN
>No ghosts fuckwad
>Get taken to prison, they strip me and decide to gulag me for 1000 points
>You know that's really not as bad as I was expecting
>Ivory comes back, says their cat unplugged their internet cable
>That's actually kind of funny, can't even be mad at that.
>"Shit happens, let's make a new plan."
>We make the plan that when they drag me off we'll fuck 'em up.
>We get taken to gulag and the warden comes by to uncuff me
>IVORY NOW
>Ivory pops out and Warden tries to drag me in to prison
>Warden calls out for help
>Warden drags me back on to the ship
>Ship gets called by someone who's not the warden
>Warden falls flat on their face and Tungsten fucks 'em up
>NOW TO BREAK THESE CUFFS
>This shit really takes a long time, doesn't it
>ALMOST THERE
>JUST
>A LITTLE
>MO-
>Shuttle launches
>DAMMIT
>Shuttle launches again and again, this shit goes on for a while
>Tunstan drags me through the door on to perma
>I didn't even know we could do that
>I uncuff
>"Shit, I should have dragged the warden too."
>"Shit I didn't even think of that either."
>Shuttle never gets launched back
>We're pretty much marooned
>Time to mine to the miner's outp-
>Ashtorm
>Shuttle call
>We're running out of time pretty dam fast
>Ashtorm ends and we start mining through the walls to see if we can get around the river
>Find an ashwalker on our side and one on the other side
>Well... that's odd.
>Find the path the ashwalker mined
>Their home is three feet away from the gulag outpost
>WELL ALRIGHT THEN
>Don their clothes
>One ashwalker pops out of an egg
>"SUP BOYO"
>"WANT TO COME HELP ME KILL THE STATION?"
>"Hell yessss."
>Fucking great, I've got a team
>Ashwalker walks away and drags their fallen comrade to become an egg
>Whisper for the egg to hatch
>Eventually it does
>Tell him we're fucking up the station
>He likes this plan
>Look over at the RCD and remember words from a wise man "I think you can RCD over the lava."
>Worth a fucking shit
>We go back to the gulag and I begin making walls
>IT WORKS
>Decon the walls and walk across our bridge
>Call the fucking shuttle
>THE PROMISED TIME IS HERE BOYOS
>Emergency shuttle has docked at the station
>We get to the station, break down the walls with tools
>Our time is here
>Ignore the sheer amount of alien weeds, I'm heading for that shuttle and fucking up that officer
>Get to the shuttle docking
>QUEEN ALIEN
>OTHER, SMALLER ALIENS
>PLASMA FLOODING ESCAPE
>OFFICER IS PROBABLY ALREADY SUFFICIENTLY FUCKED
>TURN TAIL AND RUN
>Hunger hits red
>SLOW AS FUCK
>Ask Tungsten to drag me to escape
>...
>Dammit cat
>get face hugged
>Ashwalker begins dragging
>I fucking love you right now
>We get to the pods with ten seconds to spare
>We go for the door and..
>Door won't open
>Needs a crowbar
>Shuttle launches
>Decide to go out fighting aliens
>Round ends, my target was still dead
>Everyone else got fucked from aliens too

Lot of unfortunate shit happens but I can't be mad at any of it
I went from random assistant, to a prisoner, to an ashwalker leader that made it to the station so I had fun.

confused rock · Tue Apr 19, 2016 2:14 am

>be botanist with retarded plan
>start making biomass and sandbags
>I suck at biomass so I make like 1250 and give up
>use grass to make a fuck ton of sand
>end up with more than i needed
>make a bunch of sandbags in theatre
>make a pretty nice defense
>recruit people to enact it with laser tag
>2 people on offense nazis, me and thomas, 2 people on defense, ray and the captain, the mime is on the piano playing star wars
>just started, thomas is trying to jump the sandbags and get in
>hos comes in and tries to arrest thomas for no reason
>scare him off
>he comes back
>beats the fuck out of me and ignores thomas
>robust the hos non lethally and cuff him
>try to buckle him to a pipe
>nathan comes in and wordlessly axes me to death
>some guys say its justified because ligger
>salty as fuck
>ahelp it
>they offer to make me an inspector meme
>say no because not a nazi, have a better idea
>centcomm calls hos fat
>ha

yackemflam · Post by **yackemflam** » Tue Apr 19, 2016 2:54 am #169723

One Seven One wrote:>Be greyshit
>Ding you're a traitor, kill the janitor and escape alive.
>Simple enough
>Buy a holoparasite, a chamo kit, some cigs, and some no slips.
>Tungstan Ivy the scout holoparasite comes online
>Tell 'em to go search around
>Find some suspicious people here and there but not much else
>"Security executed someone."
>"CMO is uploading laws."
>"Oh and your target is in their office."
>Oh shit that makes it easy
>We screw on over and I weld their door shut and sneak around in to maint
>Begin welding wall
>We pop in!
>Our target is...
>Just..
>Standing there..
>Er...
>It'll feel kinda shitty to just kill 'em..
>Fuck it, they're my target and they haven't even left their office.
>"They were moving when I check on them earlier."
>Oh..
>We drag 'em away without even trying to cuff 'em
>Maybe they'll come back and we'll have a tussle?
>Nope, never happens
>We drag 'em away and kill 'em
>"I guess we should get that shuttle called?"
>Don my chamo suit as officer McHarmington
>Don't really do much with it
>We kill a clown
>Noticed my healing cigs fell out of my pocked when I switched to the chamo suit
>Went back and the locker we stuff the janitor in is gone but my cigs are still on the ground in front of where it was
>Yoink
>Assumed my target is probably still dead from being AFK
>We go to raid science
>Everything is level 1
>Fucking hell
>We walk over to robotics and the science sec room
>Oh hey an actual officer
>Who's..
>Just..
>Standing there..
>What's with this shit?
>Decide it'd be shitty to kill someone AFK and not my target
>We weld through the wall and strip 'em
>Alright now to d-
>Officer grabs a baton and SMACKS me
>WELL SHIT
>"GET 'EM TUNGSTEN, NO REGRETS NOW
>...
>TUNGSTEN GET' EM
>...
>TUNGSTEN?
>...
>All the while I'm being constantly stunned and eventually cuffed away
>Trying to get myself a new holo the entire time, since I GOTTA GET THAT OFFICER
>No ghosts are around
>TRY AGAIN
>No ghosts are around
>AGAIN
>No ghosts fuckwad
>Get taken to prison, they strip me and decide to gulag me for 1000 points
>You know that's really not as bad as I was expecting
>Ivory comes back, says their cat unplugged their internet cable
>That's actually kind of funny, can't even be mad at that.
>"Shit happens, let's make a new plan."
>We make the plan that when they drag me off we'll fuck 'em up.
>We get taken to gulag and the warden comes by to uncuff me
>IVORY NOW
>Ivory pops out and Warden tries to drag me in to prison
>Warden calls out for help
>Warden drags me back on to the ship
>Ship gets called by someone who's not the warden
>Warden falls flat on their face and Tungsten fucks 'em up
>NOW TO BREAK THESE CUFFS
>This shit really takes a long time, doesn't it
>ALMOST THERE
>JUST
>A LITTLE
>MO-
>Shuttle launches
>DAMMIT
>Shuttle launches again and again, this shit goes on for a while
>Tunstan drags me through the door on to perma
>I didn't even know we could do that
>I uncuff
>"Shit, I should have dragged the warden too."
>"Shit I didn't even think of that either."
>Shuttle never gets launched back
>We're pretty much marooned
>Time to devise a head back I ge-
>Ashtorm
>Shuttle call
>We're running out of time pretty dam fast
>Ashtorm ends and we start mining through the walls to see if we can get around the river
>Find and ashwalker on our side and one on the other side
>Well... that's odd.
>Find the path the ashwalker mined
>Their home is three feet away from the gulag outpost
>WELL ALRIGHT THEN
>Don their clothes
>One ashwalker pops out of an egg
>"SUP BOYO"
>"WANT TO COME HELP ME KILL THE STATION?"
>"Hell yessss."
>Fucking great, I've got a team
>Ashwalker walks away and drags their fallen comrade to become an egg
>Whisper for the egg to hatch
>Eventually it does
>Tell him we're fucking up the station
>He likes this plan
>Look over at the RCD and remember words from a wise man "I think you can RCD over the lava."
>Worth a fucking shit
>We go back to the gulag and I begin making walls
>IT WORKS
>Decon the walls and walk across our bridge
>Call the fucking shuttle
>THE PROMISED TIME IS HERE BOYOS
>Emergency shuttle has docked at the station
>We get to the station, break down the walls with tools
>Our time is here
>Ignore the sheer amount of alien weeds, I'm heading for that shuttle and fucking up that officer
>Get to the shuttle docking
>QUEEN ALIEN
>OTHER, SMALLER ALIENS
>PLASMA FLOODING ESCAPE
>OFFICER IS PROBABLY ALREADY SUFFICIENTLY FUCKED
>TURN TAIL AND RUN
>Hunger hits red
>SLOW AS FUCK
>Ask Tungsten to drag me to escape
>...
>Dammit cat
>get face hugged
>Ashwalker begins dragging
>I fucking love you right now
>We get to the pods with ten seconds to spare
>We go for the door and..
>Door won't open
>Needs a crowbar
>Shuttle launches
>Decide to go out fighting aliens
>Round ends, my target was still dead
>Everyone else got fucked from aliens too

Lot of unfortunate shit happens but I can't be mad at any of it
I went from random assistant, to a prisoner, to an ashwalker leader that made it to the station so I had fun.

THAT JANITOR WAS ME

I was practicing drawing lewds...

When I came back I saw my body being cloned, scrolled up, and saw your text of murdering my ass, so I snitched you out. I was later dragged around and face hugged on purpose by someone.

InsaneHyena · Post by **InsaneHyena** » Tue Apr 19, 2016 1:49 pm #169844

> Mediumpop box.
> Be scientist.
> It's gangs.
> Don't give a fuck. Make telescience, have fun with it.
> Never get recruited.
> Gang murderboner visits me and kindly shoots me to death.

> Next round.
> Lowpop box
> Cluwne
> Time to build telescience again!
> CHANGELING
> Don't give a fuck, I'll build telescience anyway!
> Look at abilities, try to figure if any changes were made. Engorged ballsacks are gone, but everything else seems exactly the same.
> Buy armblade, EMP screech, fleshmend.
> Somebody emagged teleporter and captain's quarters already.
> Make it even easier. Screwdriver and crowbar teleporter - oh hello there, friendly security officer, Johh Stahl. Do you have a question?
> No, he has a taser.
> Get stripped of my things, bucklecuffed, sentenced to 10 minutes.
> Kindly admins for removing spess law and allowing this bullshit.
> When my sentence gets to about 5 minutes, he sets it to 15.
> This is it. He's getting fucked, when I get out.
> Some admin begins messing with the sec officer by introducing him to bluespace banana peels.
> Josh promises to send me to Auschwitz. We'll see about that.
> Suddenly, HoP comes and releases me for some reason. Promises me a job of guarding Ian.
> Gives me some impressive access (but no armory).
> The moment I step out of HoP's, a bartender with a knife kills Ian.
> Disarm him, murder him back.
> Meanwhile, we're losing power and there's plasma in the air for some reason.
> I wonder if miners have enough points for lazarus? There are none in cargo, so maybe I'll find them in science.
> Drag Ian's body to science, meet Josh on the way.
> I wonder if he still wants to kill me.
> Yes. Yes, he does.
> He whips out a taser and starts shooting, but he's no match for my elite clowning skills.
> Slip him and run to the maint, expecting him to follow.
> He doesn't. Smart.
> Start actively looking for him.
> Where is he?
> Okay, he's ought to come back to the brig eventually. I'll just wait for him there. I break into the armory and wait.
> Hello, random miner. Why are you climbing on the desk? What do you want from me?
> That's a nice double esword you have there.
> He activates his sword and begins chasing me, I throw a banana peel under his feet.
> Miss.
> Well, shit.
> He doesn't notice the peel and slips anyway, drops his weapon.
> My face when.
> Grab his esword and hack him to death with it, space the body.
> Okay, tired of waiting, where's Josh?
> Eventually find him in the escape, before he even manages to do anything, I slip him, drag him to the maint and kill him with my trophy esword.
> Space the body. Fly, baby, fly!
> Okay, what were my objectives, anyway?
> Kill and replace a medical doctor that was laughing at me, when I was serving my 15 minute sentence.
> Easy-peasy.
> A friendly virologist offers me an LSD patch.
> Have a good trip.
> Okay, I need to kill the doctor, but how do I do it? Medbay is the most active place at the time, and she never leaves it. I need a plan.
> Come to medbay sometime later, see my doctor treating some poor schmuck after cloning.
> Wait a minute, not that many people died. Who is this schmuck exactly.
> It's my friend Josh.
> Shit.
> No time for plans, I whip out a taser and get two cheap shots at the small crowd, before getting my esword.
> Actually manage to crit Josh and stun my target. Virologist fails to disarm me twice and doesn't risk further combat, instead he saves Josh.
> Drag my target to the maint, while hacking her head off.
> Change identities and clothes, return to medbay and say that I've managed to survive somehow.
> They actually buy it.
> Go to the brig and find Josh there. You're not getting away this time.
> "Clown attacked me in science!"
> Predictably, he rushes to science all by himself. Kill him.
> Drag his body to the chapel and dispose of him. This time for sure.
> Eventually manage to get the shuttle called.
> Fly away.
> I feel like I've forgotten something important.
> Fuck. Telescience.

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Tue Apr 19, 2016 3:38 pm #169863

Moral: Never lose sight of your objectives, even if your objectives are not your objectives.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed Apr 20, 2016 2:18 am #170088

Not my best round, but super fun

>Been getting my detective groove back
>lowsec on meta, late night basil
>Me and Franz Krake the sec officer
>Shit goes crazy pretty fast, get in a gunfight with an Ebow tator in arrivals. He gets away but i save his murder victim
>Chase down other motherfuckers, Krake busts someone, gets an Ebow and cham projector i steal
>Borg screams tator in atmos trying to release plasma
>I dunk her, its Sasha something or other
>She claims it is double agents and her target is a syndie
>Dont really remember why but i was inclined to believe her
>She is super co-operative and gives me her unlocked PDA, all she bought was an Ebow
>Hatch a dastardly plan
>She says she has to hijack the shuttle too
>Implant her with a chem implant and tracker
>Tell her to dunk her target and we will evac civvies on the pods so she can steal the shuttle
>Wait until she kills and disposes of some lizard
>Engineer bears witness to this, comes crying to sec
>Stare off in to the distance and tell him it is all part of the plan
>He yells at me for not doing it by the book
>My detective boner has never been larger
>Dunk Sasha hard to tie up lose ends, decide to perma rather than kill because she was cooperative to us
>Use her TC to get noslips, combat gloves, thermals, C4, super decked out
>Dunk at least one other traitor
>Shuttle out to leave
>Go to weld Sasha into the secpod because she was helpful
>She is pissed that i betrayed her
>She says it was all a lie, there was no double agents
>Place my revolver in her mouth
>Toss her body out of the now bloody escape pod and buckle in
>Smoke a cig thoughtfully as the pod flies and credits roll

I totally got played but it was still really fun doing the whole intrigue thing. At the end of it all we had like 3 ebows collected from dunked tators, and mass redtext. Being a loose canon is wicked fun

Pilgrim · Post by **Pilgrim** » Wed Apr 20, 2016 6:47 am #170185

Inspiration to detectives everywhere, thank you for sharing.

How was your ammo looking? My plain problem during gunfights over the course of a shift is getting the ammo I need (cargo is usually to slow when you have a lot of stuff on your plate) and general equipment management, i.e. keeping the shoulder holster, handcuffs, and police baton all accessible and on my person instead of in the backpack.

TheNightingale · Wed Apr 20, 2016 12:12 pm

Pilgrim wrote:Inspiration to detectives everywhere, thank you for sharing.

How was your ammo looking? My plain problem during gunfights over the course of a shift is getting the ammo I need (cargo is usually to slow when you have a lot of stuff on your plate) and general equipment management, i.e. keeping the shoulder holster, handcuffs, and police baton all accessible and on my person instead of in the backpack.

Well, that gave me 50s noir feels. I approve.

With the ammo reload time for the .38 now, you don't need to keep them in your shoulder holster; it takes so long to reload that you won't be doing it in combat much anyway. Put the baton in a Security belt and the handcuffs in either your pocket (if stuff is happening) or your evidence bag box (if you don't think you'll need quick-access to cuffs). The gun can go on your armour whilst the forensic scanner goes in your other pocket (it's a small item now, isn't it? If not, put it in your bag), and you can put the speedloaders in your internals box (it's a good idea to swap this for a hugbox or hollowed-out Space Law, just so you don't mix up the two). Put crime scene gear like the camera, recorder and holotape in the evidence bags inside the box; when you come across a crime, you can just take it out of the bag and use the bag for actual evidence.

This way all you have in your bag is your internals box, and your evidence bag box. The gun and scanner are both easy to access, and if you're getting into a fight, swap out one of your pocket items for handcuffs and open the Security belt interface.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed Apr 20, 2016 2:11 pm #170228

I will share the secret of my inventory juggling

Firstly, get rid of your ugly brown outfit and slap on that noir suit to avoid looking anything less than badass. Open your bag, take out the evidence bag box and put it on the table. Put the det scanner in your coat slot. Baton used to go in the pocket but the new truncheon is too big so leave it where it is. Next, open your internals box and put the medipen in your locker. Fill the rest of the box with your white crayon, an evidence bag, your camera, recorder and holotape. This is your forensics kit if you get the itch to set up a big crime scene (which is super fun to do). Zippo goes in one pocket, will eventually be your smokes there too. I usually put pepperspray in the other pocket now that our baton doesnt telecope, but i will also toss insulated gloves in there for quick switching if i ever find any. Holster in belt slot, Name and skin your gun (I go Black Panther and name it Justice) and put it in there with your two speedloaders. Grab your shades and toss the cuffs in your bag and you are ready to go fight crime. I like this loadout because you dont have to carry your extra det gear in a backpack but you still have backpack space for other stuff.

As for ammo if it is on metastation (which basil always is) I just scour maint/tool storage for some metal and make my own. Otherwise i will order some from cargo at the start of the shift and hope it is ready by the time shit really hits the fan. As a side note if things go full warzone (ops, malf AI with a lot of borgs) A riot shotgun loaded with slugs is deadly and also matches your coat and oldschool aesthetic, which is very important

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Wed Apr 20, 2016 3:10 pm #170245

For best results, name your detective gun "gyrojet pistol".

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed Apr 20, 2016 3:33 pm #170249

My other gun is a peacemaker name "Law and Order". I know that the det revolver is supposedly the best gun in the game but i think i would still prefer if it did sketchkin damage with no stamina damage or knockdown. 357 is okay but i can never stand to run the risk of losing my snowflake pistol

Thu Apr 21, 2016 10:27 pm

DemonFiren wrote:For best results, name your detective gun "gyrojet pistol".

i always name mine "cryptographic sequencer" or "mini-energy crossbow" or something to that effect

Anonmare · Post by **Anonmare** » Fri Apr 22, 2016 1:52 am #170562

I haven't been able to skin my gun in ages what's up with that?

I prefer to name mine any of the following:-
Aggressive Negotiations
Peaceful Resolution
Final Solution
.357 Revolver (Always a laugh)
Welfare Nine
Space Law
The AI Triggerer
Hybrid Taser (For tricking clever AIs that take pictures to see what's in your hand)
The OP StOPper
Stun Revolver

Fri Apr 22, 2016 2:17 am

Anonmare wrote:I haven't been able to skin my gun in ages what's up with that?

I prefer to name mine any of the following:-
Aggressive Negotiations
Peaceful Resolution
Final Solution
.357 Revolver (Always a laugh)
Welfare Nine
Space Law
The AI Triggerer
Hybrid Taser (For tricking clever AIs that take pictures to see what's in your hand)
The OP StOPper
Stun Revolver

im pretty sure you alt click it to change the skin

Anonmare · Post by **Anonmare** » Fri Apr 22, 2016 2:21 am #170572

USed to be you could change the skin by clicking on it when it was on your coat.
Damn coders changing my powergame

Pilgrim · Post by **Pilgrim** » Fri Apr 22, 2016 5:12 am #170603

You name it by writing with a pen; I usually name mine Judge Holden, Judge Dredd, or the names of Raymond Chandler books and stories like The Big Sleep or Double Indemnity.

Regarding school of thought for detective loadouts, I disagree with the accessibility of forensic scanners and other equipment. When you're using your scanner, you're in an environment that's safe to do so -- if you're getting out your gun, cuffs, or baton, you're in a situation where those need to be out as soon as possible. I also keep the camera and recorder in the office as they don't tend to be useful, though I may start just putting it in my internals box for the future. I keep the hologram projector in my backpack to seal off crime scenes are cut off exits for fleeing suspects.

I currently keep a shoulder holster with my gun and speedloaders inside, with cuffs in the suit slot. Ciggies (sometimes I fill them with chems that suit my interests) and the zippo in my pockets for easy access, though I think I'll be replacing this in the future. Baton goes in the backpack; that's my main problem.

Also, grey suit a shit. Get a leather overcoat from botany. I try to trade them stuff, usually a goodie from security or evidence i don't need anymore.

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Fri Apr 22, 2016 8:22 am #170624

Anonmare wrote:USed to be you could change the skin by clicking on it when it was on your coat.
Damn coders changing my powergame

Blame Paprika. Also blame Paprika for not allowing you to change the skin more than once.

Also, another of my favourites is "corgi meat".
My shotguns, however, are without exception named "protorobustic accelerator" if QM, or "Last Call For Shots" if bartender.

NSFW:

Post by **Shaps-cloud** » Fri Apr 22, 2016 1:27 pm #170662

Anonmare wrote:Welfare Nine

Fuck that's pretty good

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Fri Apr 22, 2016 1:30 pm #170663

Shaps wrote:
Anonmare wrote:Welfare Nine
Fuck that's pretty good

Is that some Americuck joke?

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Fri Apr 22, 2016 2:05 pm #170672

> noir suit a shit

Do you even detective movies?

Post by **Shaps-cloud** » Fri Apr 22, 2016 3:31 pm #170686

DemonFiren wrote:
Shaps wrote:
Anonmare wrote:Welfare Nine
Fuck that's pretty good
Is that some Americuck joke?

It's homage to the eternal Ben "Empty my nine into the welfare line" Garrison

IcePacks · Post by **IcePacks** » Fri Apr 22, 2016 9:08 pm #170735

Command's Approval Rating: 90%
The head revolutionaries were:
Siserith was Siserith Vassada the Shaft Miner and survived while fleeing the station

The revolutionaries were:
Yuri00 was Mike Donovan the Shaft Miner and survived while fleeing the station
MaximumSpider was Argus Savalas the Shaft Miner and survived while fleeing the station

The heads of staff were:
Digdugxx was James Anderson the Chief Medical Officer and survived
TankNut was John Miller the Head of Security and survived
Gigapuddi420 was Katherine Guillou the Chief Engineer and survived

InsaneHyena · Post by **InsaneHyena** » Fri Apr 22, 2016 9:43 pm #170740

Command's Approval Rating: 90%
The head revolutionaries were:
Siserith was Siserith Vassada the Shaft Miner and survived while fleeing the station

The revolutionaries were:
Yuri00 was Mike Donovan the Shaft Miner and survived while fleeing the station
MaximumSpider was Argus Savalas the Shaft Miner and survived while fleeing the station

The heads of staff were:
Digdugxx was James Anderson the Chief Medical Officer and survived
TankNut was John Miller the Head of Security and survived
Gigapuddi420 was Katherine Guillou the Chief Engineer and survived

Four minutes.

IcePacks · Post by **IcePacks** » Sat Apr 23, 2016 5:28 pm #170937

106.7% survival rate

confused rock · Sun Apr 24, 2016 12:02 am

Just now
>med traitor
>kill the hop
>god damn it I wanted to make gatling lasers
>get emag, holopara, and encryption key
>meet william or some shit, a cargo tech with sleeping carp
>work together to fuck shit up
>be small time, find the cmo dead
>get heat resist after killing genetics but it does not work for the other guy
>go for xenobio
>accidentally get it blocked off
>magni runs in
>defib-elbow dropped
>holo is support btw
>other guy runs in
>defib-elbow dropped
>traitor runs in
>defib-elbow dropped
>sec runs in
>defib elbow dropped
>hos comes in
>defib elbow dropped
>we get gear
>get super cell for defib
>go to brig for max murderbone
>make a few mistakes, end up killing the rest of sec and my target though and get all access
>not a mega-prick, we go to bridge to try to call the shuttle
>suddenly darth vader comes in with the dual esword+tk bundle
>has chaos holopara
>we both die
>jk para saxes me out, still on fire but cargo guy is dead
>so high cloneloss I can only limp
>still kill another traitor in maint
>realize holopara was renamed to "the cure"
>get the heat resist removed
>go to maint bar
>chug the cryoxadone
>break the window to space
>its double agent by the way
>heal from the cryoxadone
>back at full health
>grab a combat shotty from the contraband closet cuz its on meta that I used earlier but emptied
>grab the 3 boxes of lethals from the closet
>thank fuck there is no ai
>get revenge on darth vader
>see him passed out in crit
>go to medbay to recharge guns
>oh shit its the para
>shoot it once
>one buckshot hits
>he ded, he was in cryo
>cant find his esword
>suddenly ert announcement
>try to pod clone the cargo guy who died in bridge but his soul departed
>charge at the ert
>its just 1 guy
>WITH POWER ARMOR AND A LASER GATLING
>prepare to die because kor is like "its hella op"
>his first words are "time to kill some liggers"
>first and last
>tase him from cover in the arrivals lobby
>shotgun him 60 times in the face with buckshot (if all pellets hit its 85 fucking brute on no armor)
>he ded
>pussy admin (not kor) destroys his gatling (its all I wanted to fucking do is try that)
>get power armor anyway
>a murderboner but not THAT big a murderboner so go to the sec escape pod
>admin is salty
>sends immovable rod slowly
>barely notice it through space
>run for my life
>hide in arrivals pod
>it corners me
>it says "end of the line"
>lol no
>teleport out with my hand tele from the dead rd when it is just 1 tile away
>in space
>go to the centcomm shuttle
>request access
>access granted right before it gets on
>drink whiskey from medbay storage
>suddenly centcomm ert
>juke long enough for round to end
>it counted as an escape
>greentext

and they say the gatling laser is overpowered...

Sun Apr 24, 2016 3:12 am

^
after that story kor buffed the gatling laser presumably out of "i ded pls buff"
good story lad, good murderbones like that are few and far between

Drynwyn · Post by **Drynwyn** » Mon Apr 25, 2016 4:28 am #171270

yackemflam wrote:
I was practicing drawing lewds...

>not providing these lewds

yackemflam · Post by **yackemflam** » Mon Apr 25, 2016 4:29 am #171271

Drynwyn wrote:
yackemflam wrote:
I was practicing drawing lewds...
>not providing these lewds

>Not playing the game

I post them in ooc whenever I play the game

Jacough · Post by **Jacough** » Tue Apr 26, 2016 7:14 am #171549

I played a clown named Rookie for a couple of rounds. Bragged a bit about how I served in XCom for 24 hours until I got kicked out for shooting a captain the back. Ran around demonstrating my expert marksmanship with laser tag guns and practice lasers by trying to shoot various stuff and missing every shot. If anything struck me as dangerous (basically everything), or I missed my target (basically every time) I emoted "Rookie has panicked!", dropped my gun, and ran away.

Crew actually got a kick out of it and the second time I managed to score all access from the bartender, changed my job title to "X-Com Squad Leader" and chilled out in the brig trying to shoot the xeno target, missing spectacularly, and panicking and dropping my gun.

Post by **Atlanta-Ned** » Tue Apr 26, 2016 2:30 pm #171599

Jacough wrote:I played a clown named Rookie for a couple of rounds. Bragged a bit about how I served in XCom for 24 hours until I got kicked out for shooting a captain the back. Ran around demonstrating my expert marksmanship with laser tag guns and practice lasers by trying to shoot various stuff and missing every shot. If anything struck me as dangerous (basically everything), or I missed my target (basically every time) I emoted "Rookie has panicked!", dropped my gun, and ran away.

Crew actually got a kick out of it and the second time I managed to score all access from the bartender, changed my job title to "X-Com Squad Leader" and chilled out in the brig trying to shoot the xeno target, missing spectacularly, and panicking and dropping my gun.

This is quality clowning. Everyone else take notes.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Tue Apr 26, 2016 3:22 pm #171604

That is actually hilarious, 10/10 gimmick

confused rock · Tue Apr 26, 2016 8:07 pm

>miner
>find cancer rat ruin
>3 veterinarians
>rat is kill
>they kill me and take my stuff
>plan to go to the station and murderbone
>u fuckin srs rn
>they take my id and oxy tank
>plan is 1 drags the other 2 in a cat crate
>he crashes
>ash storm
>They all die
>bgo revives me
>2 of the 3 let themselves get cloned (big suprize, not the one who attacked me)
>kidnap them
>yell wgw at them
>somebody pops a boh bomb on the shuttle
>survive the singulos
ayy lmao

Post by **Armhulen** » Fri Apr 29, 2016 12:48 am #172236

Topham wrote:revenant story

I was the revenant, was really awesome in general, yeah. I tried to get someone to help you, oh well.

srifenbyxp · Post by **srifenbyxp** » Fri Apr 29, 2016 5:51 am #172284

>Gang Round
>Sci Guy
>Research is nearly maxed in the standard 10 Minutes
>Materials!
>Git dat shit
>Clown gangers me
>go back to science
>max research
>clown boss got getted
>clown doesn't bother to promote ANYONE
>make a durand and the detective feels like acting tough
>Take a stroll through the station
>On my way back to science the HoS/Warden/Detective starts opening fire 4NR
>ACT SHIT > GIT HIT
>Fuck their shit up
>Proceed to murder dick the entire station
>Kill nearly the same poor souls 3+ times
>After killing 2/3 of the station clown boss is revived
>CLOWN LOST HIS DEVICE
>Continue to kill everybody while the few gang members search for the device
>Constant mech fighting - ACE PILOT MODE
>15 minutes later mech runs out of juice so I recharge
>nosey chaplin some how ions my mech
>BUILD A GYGAX
>More ACE PILOTING
>Kill more people
>Super Run right into a wall draining all power
>Get out of mech and head to science
>Run around with advance gun and laser cannon
>MORE FIGHTING
>killed the fucking chaplin and his possy
>Got bored and head to the bridge to call the shuttle
>Kill the same poor smuck 4 times in a row
>Proceed to kill the bitch captain and annoying CMO
>JUST FUCK YOUR SHIT UP FAM
>Get to shuttle with crew and have a pissing war with a mining bot
>Kill da bot
>Round ends and only FOUR TEAM MEMBERS IN TOTAL

Good lord, I want to see the logs and drown in salt.

THE ENTIRE ROUND IN A NUT SHELL