Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

confused rock · Mon Jun 03, 2019 5:19 pm

Bottom post of the previous page:

any admin who gives the chaplain a construct shell in a tc trade is an idiot. chappy can crush the station with even a completely regular soul shard.

wesoda25 · Post by **wesoda25** » Thu Jun 06, 2019 1:55 am #496948

confused rock wrote:any admin who gives the chaplain a construct shell in a tc trade is an idiot. chappy can crush the station with even a completely regular soul shard.

i lowballed him got it for just 5 TC

confused rock · Thu Jun 06, 2019 1:57 am

actually pls ban this admin

Coconutwarrior97 · Wed Jun 26, 2019 1:50 am

Worked with another engi yesterday to fight fires in science and escape, working together with him was great. Using space heaters, atmos fans, and atmos resin to contain and kill the fire. Ended up being able to make a path down to escape habitable and got the temp back to normal once shuttle arrived. Was super fun.

SealCure · Post by **SealCure** » Wed Jun 26, 2019 5:40 pm #500975

>be malf AI
>2nd time in a day, also second time ever
>ensure no-one leaves alive, malf AI round earlier in the day was a complete fail so not confident
>start quietly hacking APCs, the roboticists are shitting out borgs so that's nice
>acting like a nice normal non-malfunctioning AI, opening doors, all that
>look in on cargo after about 30 minutes, they're building a tesla
>this could be good
>about 45 minutes in and I'm ready to delta, one of my borgs who has been quiet all round chimes in
>"oh yeah I destroyed all the EVA suits and hardsuits, cut the transit tube too"
>all the suits?
>"yeah even the CE's and captain's"
>holy shit this might actually work
>rad storm comes in, borgs start to set up atmos to plasmaflood while everyone's in maint
>"; :b yeah start flooding"
>oh shit I actually said that over common
>kinda slow reaction at first, cook is like "what did the AI just say"?
>try and blow it off but screaming at borgs to flood over binary
>go delta, looking on in amazement as none of the crew can get to the sat without eva suits
>"TESLOOSE" over comms, turns out the flood broke the emitters in cargo
>left half of the station destroyed by cargo's tesla
>crit most of the heads by blowing up the comm console on bridge that they were clustered around
>doomsday goes off, greentext in style
>first malf AI win, never felt so good

Don't think I've seen that borg that clutched the round for me ever since then. Wherever you are, stay classy Alpha 5

teepeepee · Post by **teepeepee** » Wed Jun 26, 2019 6:34 pm #500983

SealCure wrote:>be malf AI
>2nd time in a day, also second time ever
>ensure no-one leaves alive, malf AI round earlier in the day was a complete fail so not confident
>start quietly hacking APCs, the roboticists are shitting out borgs so that's nice
>acting like a nice normal non-malfunctioning AI, opening doors, all that
>look in on cargo after about 30 minutes, they're building a tesla
>this could be good
>about 45 minutes in and I'm ready to delta, one of my borgs who has been quiet all round chimes in
>"oh yeah I destroyed all the EVA suits and hardsuits, cut the transit tube too"
>all the suits?
>"yeah even the CE's and captain's"
>holy shit this might actually work
>rad storm comes in, borgs start to set up atmos to plasmaflood while everyone's in maint
>"; :b yeah start flooding"
>oh shit I actually said that over common
>kinda slow reaction at first, cook is like "what did the AI just say"?
>try and blow it off but screaming at borgs to flood over binary
>go delta, looking on in amazement as none of the crew can get to the sat without eva suits
>"TESLOOSE" over comms, turns out the flood broke the emitters in cargo
>left half of the station destroyed by cargo's tesla
>crit most of the heads by blowing up the comm console on bridge that they were clustered around
>doomsday goes off, greentext in style
>first malf AI win, never felt so good

Don't think I've seen that borg that clutched the round for me ever since then. Wherever you are, stay classy Alpha 5

lol you're lucky, depending on placement tesloose tends to go straight for AI sat

SealCure · Post by **SealCure** » Wed Jun 26, 2019 10:44 pm #501019

teepeepee wrote:lol you're lucky, depending on placement tesloose tends to go straight for AI sat

Yeah sometimes but this was meta and the tesla started in cargo and went down through medbay to escape so I wasn't too worried

Asdf3131 · Post by **Asdf3131** » Sun Jul 28, 2019 6:54 am #504998

>be me, clown man jimmy honks
>decide to craft honkbot
>flashed by some nerd on the way to tool storage, newfound hatred for heads and sec
>free assistant who is also rev from handcuffs, we break into bridge and cap's office
>take cap armor and headset, funny clown captain
>wandering the halls when mothperson drags me to chapel and asks to be cremated
>welderbombs into chaplain's office and deconstructs crematorium wall without eye protection
>guess she really wants it
>ahelp before cremating her anyway because i'm a good boy, admin responds to say sure why not
>find stunprod on the floor and save it for later on my armor vest
>at this point sec is fighting revs and implanting
>decide to chill and not blow my cover yet
>do hilarious clown prank by placing hop line tickets 6 and 9 next to each other
>head towards brig looking for action, see headrev get stunned by sec
>throw stunprod at officer
>it actually stuns him
>baton turns the tide of the battle, headrev is saved
>other dude helps us kill loyalist and officer
>bwoink
>"nice baton throw"
>same admin from earlier gives me champion baton thrower trophy
>loot ID and new baton from dead officer, notice dead headrev in a cell
>let some janitor into brig with me because he wants to clean up bloodstains
>smuggle headrev inside a locker right under captain's nose into now loyalist-controlled medbay, toss him in the cloning queue
>hide in plain sight while we wait for headrev to get cloned because nobody suspects the clown
>other rev is there and offers me a baton
>"already got one baby"
>officer walks in on our transaction, hide in locker while other rev makes small talk
>captain takes cloned headrev and butchers him with his sword
>other rev and i decide it's now or never, head to front of medbay
>captain is beating up a different horizontal headrev
>champion baton thrower skills come through again, captain is now stunned
>other rev and i go to town, captain is now dead
>bwoink again
>"nice baton throw" again
>moments later immovable rod
>[Common] Jimmy Honks says, "I doubt it's longer than mine"
>rod kills last surviving head
>revs win

Calibraptor · Post by **Calibraptor** » Sun Jul 28, 2019 6:33 pm #505051

>Be me, security officer assigned to engineering
>CE is actually competent and orders me to boot out trespassers
>"Aye aye sir."
>Bumrush the engine room to grab myself a pair of much coveted insulated gloves
>On my way out spot some assistant rushing into atmos
>Not on my goddamn watch
>Chase after him, whip out baton to show him I mean business
>He whips out a contractor baton
>duel of the fates.ogg
>We're both running, juking, and spazzing about across atmosia trying to click on the other first
>I actually manage to get him
>He cries out in despair as he goes horizontal
>The despair of having ones antag round cut tragically short
>A fledgling bud snipped before it can truly bloom
>So sad
>He ghosts at some point while I drag him to perma
>Actually feel kind of bad for him
>Ask admins if they can put him back in his body
>Take a bribe of some sweet weeaboo ninja gear in exchange for his freedom
>Run off to take a smoke break
>As I'm perusing the cigarette vendor cultist pops out of maint and stuns me
>Get murdered and shoved into a soul stone
>Be me, now a wraith
>Cultists tell me to go take out the AI
>Teleport into AI core
>Apologize to the AI about it's impending death
>AI is cool about it
>Slash it to death and go to escape
>Aimlessly wander the halls, most people I see either run or don't give two shits about me
>Go to the bar
>Begin preaching to the bartender about my hip new religion
>Assistant tries to pick a fight with me but is quickly frightened off when I competently fight back
>Give the bartender my good wishes and wander over to the brig
>See HOS inside the brig, the cult's target
>Approach glass
>"EXCUSE ME SIR DO YOU HAVE A MOMENT TO TALK ABOUT NAR'SIE?"
>HOS steps out and wordlessly buckshots me into dust
>Admin in deadchat lol'd
>Decide to check on the contractor I let go earlier
>He's killing pretty much everybody, not a big surprise
>Mention in OOC after round-end that I ended up sparing him
>Somebody calls me a shitter
>They weren't wrong

wesoda25 · Post by **wesoda25** » Sun Aug 04, 2019 6:05 am #506098

i started a humble exploding cigar shop and expanded my inventory to half of the caps locker, all access, epilepsy, like 8 fake insulated gloves, information on traitors, and a living mothman

total profit was about 750, not counting inventory worth

wesoda25 · Post by **wesoda25** » Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:43 am #506858

>ling
>kill random sec officer and transform into them
>start killing off certain people and transforming them into me
>lynch mob catches up, like 5 people trying to get me
>kill them all and transform them into me
>end up having to headslug, turn into myself
>go around talking about how I killed me
>quietly kill off all the other people with my identity
>keep shouting about how the real me is somewhere

and that sir is why lings are fun to play cancer to fight DGL for headmin fall 2019

confused rock · Sun Sep 01, 2019 5:49 pm

>assistant
>punch someone
>officer tries to arrests me
>shoots me with dragnet
>land in armory
>warden isn't home

Shadowflame909 · Mon Sep 02, 2019 6:50 am

>Be Blood-Brother
>Ah Fuck I thought I had this disabled
>Roll scientist
>My blood-brother is also scientist
>Xenobio time
>Decide on light pink extract roller skate combat
>Working towards it
>Taking forever.mp3
>Get green slimes, whilst my partner is on RND
>Have an Idea. "Boh Bomb balooza"
>Call them in
>They get the boh bags in a locker
>I grab plasma
>We mutate into slime persons and start chugging plasma
>Crew gave out all access for some reason
>Next thing you know Security Is gone
>Clown in escape and chaplain is gone
>A slime-person is talking to the lawyer and chef. And then boom singulo. Now they're gone
>Shuttle gets called
>My partner drags my original body onto a pod while I finish the round off
>Hey security have you heard of - boom
>Ai is screaming over comms
>Shuttle is now gone
>We rush to the Pod
>Find captain chilling there.
>I shove him and rest. He does nothing.
>grab a pickaxe from the emergency storage
>partner now shoots him with a syringe gun
>cap pulls out sabre
>bash him till crit with pickaxe
>job done
>Loot him and gloat over comms
>Cap gets back up and sabres me
>goes back down due to death-coma
>steal sabre and remove organs.
>Go home on the shuttle

Tldr: Blood Brother xenobiologists do RnD for boh's while the other gets green slime bodies. 10 second Singulos ensue.

Now that was Peak Blood-Brothers

Reyn · Post by **Reyn** » Mon Sep 16, 2019 7:31 pm #515044

>Playing on terry
>As Giorno Giovanna, Warden
>"I Giorno Giovanna have a dream"
>Said dream is to keep the fucking brig and armoury secure
>Not much going on
>Genetics discovers abductor mutagen
>CULT
>A good chunk of sec is now abductors
>Said abductorsec cant talk to me and cant use their guns due to not being able to use regular firing pins\
>Abductor captain walks up to my guy with a mutagen filled carrot
>WIthout asking or saying so, against the officers will, the captain forces the sec officer to eat the abductor mutagen carrot, turning them into yet another abductor sec.

>I'm not letting the captain fuck over my sec team against their will in my brig.
>Buckshot the captain into the fucking shadow realm
>Im now on a rampage, most of the sec team can't fight to their best ability now, and the cult's reached halo phase
>"I'll do it myself"
>Cult in dorms
>Head over to dorms where abductorsec is struggling.
>Buckshot for the buckshot god.
>Kill A good chunk of cultists right then and there.
>Run back to brig, see people breaking in
>buckshot for the buckshot god
THAT was not the best idea, turns out the fuckers were being deconverted. I regret that.
>Apologize and leave after making sure armoury is fine
>Lead Sec into full force war with the cult
>Not enough cult left to summon
>Shuttle finally arrives
>Head to captains seat, with the crew... generally having good opinions of me from what I recall.
>Salutes were exchanged.
>Shuttle leaves, doesn't blow up on the way there.
>Shuttle arrives at centcomm
>Cult has failed, A good chunk of sec made it out alive, Brig and armoury weren't fucked with
>
[youtube]IsbNsicT_oU[/youtube]

confused rock · Mon Sep 16, 2019 7:41 pm

I respect officers who don't let even the captain become a massive shitwad, though it's a fine line to walk.

Reyn · Post by **Reyn** » Mon Sep 16, 2019 7:52 pm #515047

I enjoy being warden. As a summary.

Post by **Vekter** » Thu Oct 24, 2019 10:20 am #520665

>Latejoin as Cargo
>No comms, vines near the arrivals shuttle, looks not great
>Going to be one of those rounds
>Go order a goat and get ready to start making welders before realizing the vines had been taken care of
>Oh well, time for bounties
>Visit bridge, HoP door is open
>Homer Simpson wiggly fingers
>Yoink all access just in case
>Also because we don't have a chemist and Centcomm wants drugs for some reason
>Head to the bar for a Triple Citrus because they want that for more confusing reasons?
>Roboticist sees me climb over the bar, stuncuffs me and pulls me away to medical
>People are there, yell at them to help me, he fucks off back to robotics
>"I'm going to experiment on you"
>Okay now I'm worried
>Starts cutting me open, doing things to me, trying to put things in my body but very bad at it
>Manage to break off the wheel bed long enough to Benny Hill him a bit
>Distracts him enough for the Warden to show up and arrest him
>Get free and wonder about what to do with myself
>Walk out into the science hall
>There's a chainsaw there
>The Great Communicator
>Justice is not enough. I must have vengeance.
>Sneak into perma brig with chainsaw
>Communicate his fucking carotid artery open
>Can't risk someone cloning him
>Throw him in a locker and drag him to the kitchen
>Gib
>Make into a delicious

>Tastes like ketchup, mustard, and justice
>Find Warden and throw burger at him
>"As a token of gratitude."
>Survive rest of the round

He ended up being mind-controlled, which sucks for him, but one of the more satisfying kills I've had.

Reyn · Post by **Reyn** » Thu Oct 24, 2019 5:25 pm #520685

During A nuke op round I managed to roll ops. So uh

>I'm an op. It's the Kira family now
>Get some grenades N shit, and macrobomb
>Also bulldog shotgun and meteorshells. And A crypto.
>And elite hardsuit
>We head to station, other ops are off doing their own thing. The ai is NOT in the sat
>Other ops figure out that AI is in the law office, I didn't hear that discussion, but went to law office due to it being closest airlock
>Ai sees me. Bolts me in.
>I wait
>Captain and either the warden, hop, or HOS, and some cargo twat decide that it's valid season and go to the area where i'm bolted in to attack me, with a plasma fire raging behind them.

Buckshot/Meteorshell combo the first person to enter into the shadow realm. Run after the others guns ablazing.
Stop drop and roll out of stupidity to get the fire off, and guys come to attack.

> I'm not letting them get away with my shotgun, or with killing me
>Beep beep beep
>People don't know where the bomb is. It's my macrobomb
>Boom.
>Watch explosio-
>Ai, which was in the next room over, gets fucked up by debris and ends up dying
>And there's panic.
>My fellow ops, possibly using my distraction, get the disk, and get the nuke.
>Nuke goes off with a major victory

"Those ops were damn well co-ordinated"

Me: "Actually I just decided to do my own thing and bullshitted my way into being somehow useful"

wesoda25 · Post by **wesoda25** » Mon Dec 02, 2019 3:40 am #526955

>cult
>convert a few people stealthy as fuck
>decide to go for the gold
>run into brig, grab cap and veil shift out with him
>get into a side room, kill warden who chases after us
>cap is chill, decide not to kill him
>running around doing cult shit with cap in tow behind me
>HOS locks us in a room and fires, I teleport out
>run back, blow up welding tank on HOS, kill him, and then i get cap in tow again
>we (I) decide to chill on lavaland for a bit
>upon arriving me and cap are swarmed by 3-4 ash walkers
>cap lost an arm and a leg, im hurt, all the ashwalkers are either dead or near death
>me and cap regroup, I give him my gun and turn him loose on them
>together we slaughter and convert all of them, cap still non antag
>we’re war buddies now, return to station as partners
>I continue to do jack shit to help the cult (which is the entire station now)
>shit gets buggy, cult steals and kills cap, now hes my juggernaut friend
>shit gets buggier but with admin help we eventually pull it off
>nice

Post by **NoxVS** » Mon Dec 02, 2019 12:50 pm #526989

>be roboticist
>just fucking around and augmenting myself
>cult announced
>kill a handful of cultists and then begin to realize how widespread they are
>cult is summoning in the bathrooms!
>grab a random scientist and convince him to become a suicide bomber in the name of the Omnissiah
>I have two bags of holding and hide in his pocket in a bodybag
>arrive at bathrooms, cult has it too well defended, too many bystanders nearby, not able to reliably bomb them
>hear the fabric of reality tearing
>decide fuck it
>boh bomb anyways
>the boh bomb goes off
>narsie is summoned
>almost all harvesters are consumed
>narsie walks into the boh bomb blackhole
>crabrave narsie is gone crabrave
>centcom announces that narsie has been successfully hendersoned
>but they can’t find the off button for the nuke

It said cult victory but we all know that was a major crew victory

wesoda25 · Post by **wesoda25** » Tue Dec 03, 2019 4:02 am #527064

yee i got another one
Ps thanks exavere
The story of Santa the Tyrant
>Get santa
>cool
>spread christmas joy and cheer
>loved by everyone
>janitor pushes me into fire and burns me alive
>out of the ashes, santa is reborn, but he no longer wants to spread christmas joy or cheer

>i get cqc and murder the janitor
>I am not done, all grinches and humbugs must die
>strike a deal with security: they protect me and serve me and I give them endless presents
>I sit upon my gilden uranium throne in armory, and order security to bring before me the criminal Bennet Mcintosh, who stole my hat
>turns out uranium is radioactive and I get poisoned and go bald, but its fitting
>security brings me someone who wronged them, they die
>security finally captures bennet
>call everyone to brig for a demonstration of what happens to those who don't spread christmas cheer

>bennet dies, and a atmos tech grinch torches all of brig
>i die, but my loyal sec guards bring me back
>long story short board shuttle yeet

Tarchonvaagh · Thu Dec 19, 2019 9:53 am

>scientist
>traitor
>oh cool, time to be a bad guy
>get black stuff (bandana, neckerchief, cap, etc)
>tools from eva, break into the bartenders room for sunglasses
>find a shotgun and a vest too
>flash cuffs from tech storage
>"borrow" some n2o from the Rd and an atmos projector from the ce
>fill abandoned medbay with n2o
>holofans so the gas won't escape
>get some random traitor gear, most importantly emp flashlight and noslips
>when I get back a guy is already sleeping in the doorway
>mfw
>tell some sec officer that I found some strange shit, he follows me and instantly falls asleep
>next, same with the rd
>after that I tell some robo that the Rd is gone and I need her help
>follows me
>three people sleeping, gotta make more beds
>I fill the entire room with beds
>some assistant with a gas mask wanders in, flash emp light
>I ask the other robo to follow me because I NEED HIS HELP
>when he refuses to come I stun him and kidnap him
>ce is near, no sunglasses
>I stun him and drag him in, he has a breath mask on
>turns out he is a fellow tator too, and takes a moment to admire my creation
>next victim is a doc
>I look at my objectives, one target suicides and the other is the RD
>I quickly slit the rds throat with a saw
>I catch three more officers, one had internals
>I bola him a few times, he stuns and cuffs me
>freedom implant, I get a few saw hits on him, he eventually bleeds out
>free sec gear!
>shuttle gets called by captain because of the lizard warden
>me and the ce try to recall, but fail because muh red alert for no reason
>I get one more person to my nest, but turns out a guy had freed a few prisoners and they murder me with MY WEAPONS
>ce dies to a banana peel
>epic memetext
(I'm on my phone, will upload more pictures later)

Flatulent · Post by **Flatulent** » Thu Dec 19, 2019 10:48 am #529857

Tarchonvaagh wrote: -snip-

funny how you dont mention that you missed 7 times with throwing kit while trying to hit a bolad secman

also recalling on lowpop when 60% of the crew is fucking gone is pretty yikes tharcoon

pugie · Post by **pugie** » Thu Dec 19, 2019 1:21 pm #529872

The only crime here is saying red alert was triggered for no reason.

Tarchonvaagh · Thu Dec 19, 2019 4:27 pm

pugie wrote:The only crime here is saying red alert was triggered for no reason.

I was busy kidnapping people what happened?

pugie · Post by **pugie** » Thu Dec 19, 2019 5:57 pm #529909

Tarchonvaagh wrote:
pugie wrote:The only crime here is saying red alert was triggered for no reason.
I was busy kidnapping people what happened?

People were being kidnapped hello were you not paying attention???

Tarchonvaagh · Sat Dec 28, 2019 10:11 pm

Spoiler:

boat bomber was the captain, truly epic

wesoda25 · Post by **wesoda25** » Sat Dec 28, 2019 11:40 pm #531554

Yeah I saw the video, pretty cool honestly. I was also the chef in in the part of the video before the cult stuff.

Shadowflame909 · Sun Dec 29, 2019 1:23 am

can i get a video link to that

wesoda25 · Post by **wesoda25** » Sun Dec 29, 2019 3:59 am #531591

[youtube]Gd88U6rYaWY[/youtube]
go to 7:30 for the round i talked about

Kel-the-Oblivious · Fri Jan 10, 2020 1:57 am

>You are the shaft miner!
>Alright, time to strike the earth.
>Digganob around
>Huh, comms are awful quiet
>Oh, hey a fellow miner
>Wait, they don't have a survival suit?
>OH FUCK THAT"S A DESWORD!
>Hit twice, deploy legion core!
>Small skirmish where they try to rush me, but have to back away due to KA
>Book it off into the ash
>Storm hits, hide in Heirophant arena
>Poke my head into the outpost
>They are camping there, waiting for me to return
>Fellow miner arrives
>Try to explain the situation when suddenly I black out
>Miner bro tries to save me, gets 10mm'd to death
>Wake up just in time to get a DEsword to the face, book it into the ash again
>Comms are dead, can't tell the station
>Start tendril hunting, maybe I can find something to even the odds
>See wounded paramedic
>"Hello?" "AAAH!" They run off into the ash
>Seems I've been framed
>Okay... Hey, golems!
>Drop off satchel, get some supplies, bro it up with golems
>Get some tools, they had a protolathe. Bro golems are full of bro.
>Even NV mesons!
>Kill all my lights, become lurker in the dark.
>Tator is roving with another miner and paramedic, seems they convinced the station I was the bad guy
>Fuck, they saw me!
>Yakkity off into the ash, they are hot on my tail
>Deploy jaunter!
>Wormholed into space outside the bomb test range
>All of them follow me.
>None of them were ready for a space walk, paramedic dies in the void
>Survival stim, GO! Emergency shelter, GO!
>Chilling in my shack, waiting for death to find me
>Random engineer floats by.
>"Please tell me you aren't here to kill me too."
>Nope, just a bro engineer, they haul me back to station.
>Thank the stars for small blessings, head to security to explain the situation.
>Sec sees me, and instantly applies stunbaton
>Confirms I've been framed.
>"If i was a criminal, why would I come to security?!"
>"Good point."
>They check my bag, find assorted miner gear and nothing else.
>Free to go
>There is an imposter miner following me. Wearing the ID of the hero who died to save me.
>Head back to mining, giving the imposter the slip along the way.
>Digganob it up, find some gear.
>Momento Mori, Champion Hardsuit
>Just what I FUCK ATHENA'S BACK!
>Disappear into the ash once again, but now I do not fear the storms.
>Evac shuttle is called, use a jaunter.
>Fuck, stuck in a wall, and that assistant is just laughing at me
>Cutter out, head to shuttle
>Imposter miner is there, and he's following me around.
>Slip into red section of shuttle, imposter follows
>Survival stim, knowing he was going to try to murder me
>Black out again, and see them start to DEsword me
>Sec just mobs them, while I'm down in crit
>Survival stim + Momento Mori = I'm immortal bitch
>Shuttle docks
>THREE traitors were tasked with murdering me, all of them failed
>Didn't kill any of them, but managed to give them the slip the entire round

Manuel is a great server.

confused rock · Thu Jan 16, 2020 7:36 am

Perhaps some of these events are out of order. order started to lose all meaning during the rising action.
Exposition

Spoiler:

Conflict

Spoiler:

Rising Action (aka the really long part)

Spoiler:

Climax

Spoiler:

Falling action

Spoiler:

Resolution

Spoiler:

I never went that deep into the scrying orb before, but the interactions were very interesting. I imagine hearing about the HOS becoming a wizard was not entirely dissimilar to a certain situation in pathologic 1, which is 15 years old so that's not a spoiler any more.

Jack7D1 · Post by **Jack7D1** » Thu Jan 16, 2020 2:43 pm #536039

Security was renamed to "Is-a-lizard stole the Chief engineers ID"
Bridge was renamed to fridge
Medbay was renamed to blood zone v2
Etc etc. Jack Miller and Helen were the best assistants ever.

Thu Feb 06, 2020 9:58 pm

>be malf ai
>target is the chemist
>see him next to dispenser
>insert blank smoke recipe as a joke
>"ai if you do that again im going to kill myself"
>do it again
>he kills himself
>greentext

confused rock · Thu Feb 06, 2020 10:01 pm

Lmao, best part is even an asimov ai is allowed to do that because uhhh *opens silicon policy textbook*

peoplearestrange · Fri Feb 07, 2020 10:39 pm

nianjiilical wrote:>be malf ai
>target is the chemist
>see him next to dispenser
>insert blank smoke recipe as a joke
>"ai if you do that again im going to kill myself"
>do it again
>he kills himself
>greentext

Reminds me of AlmightyFuzz's story of "traitor AI"
> Gets one humaned by one traitor
> gets ANTI-MOV'd by another.
> Kills original one and only human due to the new laws
> kills self again following the laws
gg

Nabski · Post by **Nabski** » Mon Feb 10, 2020 10:02 pm #541471

This story is OLD, back when Okand was an admin before they were headmin, but after detectives were removed from the traitor list. I was reminded of it by the medRP thread.

I spawned as the detective over a lunch break on some map that I never fully learned. I want to say the bar/kitchen was a tall vertical thing with entries off both sides of the main hallway. 20 or so players online. Someone has broken into the vault and I'm casually investigating. It has finger prints I figure out who it was the captain arrests them good job entire security team (aka me). I go to the dining area for some food and on the table there is a PULSE RIFLE. I don't think I had ever actually used a pulse rifle at this point but I had heard of their massive power. Being the massive member of shitsec that I am, I scan it for prints and not finding any put it in an evidence bag. I walk around with the evidence bag and ask EVERY SINGLE CREW MEMBER if they know anything about it.

No-one does.

I don't remember if I ahelped or just prayed about it. While waiting for the answer to "what's up with this gun" I decided to at last fire it since my lunch break was ending. It exploded and removed my arm.

wesoda25 · Post by **wesoda25** » Tue Mar 17, 2020 11:32 pm #550080

This amazing story has inspired me to use a duffelbag from now on, God bless our duffelbagers

Post by **Fikou** » Sat Mar 21, 2020 12:57 pm #550674

>be me
>assistant
>go on lavaland to mine
>nevermind need to take a shit
>afk in a crate
>come back, hear bubblegum eating miner
>take miners shit, take his head to resurrect him
>go back to arrivals with the mining ship
>oh shit a wizard
>he chops my hand off with a spellblade and magic missiles but i run away
>go into robotics, put the miners brain in a debrained body, no soul, also get hand back
>hunting of the wizard follows, not much happens
>wiz is in cargo, revives a guy into a roman skeleton
>he uses magic missile, stuns everyone in the room, including that skeleton with a claymore
>go in the room, grab the claymore off the ground and chop the skeleton's head off while he's stunned
>wiz blinks into vault, wait in vault maint for the perfect moment
>he blinks into vault maint
>chop his head off with a claymore, end the round
>grab the spellblade

Kel-the-Oblivious · Sat Mar 21, 2020 4:37 pm

>Late join Manuel as security officer
>Wander around, checking stuff out
>Hear the chaplain talk about holding a sermon
>"Meh, alright, lets see what gimmick they have."
>It's a cult of Ronald McDonald
>Alright then.
>"I must go get burgers for sacrament!"
>"Alright, you head off, I'm going to try this whole prayer thing"
>Pray to admins for them to deliver unto me a super sized number one, extra sauce, with a Dr Gibb, no ice.
>"You hear a whisper in your head" Are you lovin' it?
>And so began my life as the cultist security officer of the Church of Ronald.
>Ronald granted me minor thickness, but it was Reads-the-Book that was TRULY blessed
>His thickness was so great that he would cause space time to warp if he spun.
>Together, the three of us, Immo, Ann, and Reads set out on a quest to gather together the holy trinity. Nuggies, Burgers, and Large Fries
>In the end, the Golden Arches sat within the chapel, every tile covered in one of the three thickening sacraments
>A ghost of the King tried to disrupt it, but was chased off every time.

Behold the THICKENING of Reads-the-Books

NikoTheGuyDude · Mon Mar 23, 2020 11:17 pm

>be me, clown Unfunny Lizard on manuel

> do le funny clown stuff for the beginning of the shift, give a clown a hat of the honkmother, slip sec, say bad puns over the radio, throw a pie at someone

> cap says hes going in his salt room for protection against the revenant

> "From your tears? Cause you cry so much since noone loves you"?

> "yes"

>"Captain, I WANT YOUR SALT"

___

>This goes on for a while, UNTIL I TAKE A SALT SHAKER AND GO INTO HIS ROOM AND START SALTING HIM AND TOUCHING HIM

> basically borderline sexual harassment

>pie a catgirl who is shoving me, said catgirl responds by critting me

>get arrested by sec

>taken to med for 5 lobotomies

this is where it gets intresting

>escape their grasp and slip them 10 times each and cause the sec to stun the doc twice before being subdued and lobotomized 5 times

>somehow avoid brain traumae except for psychotic brawling and a fucking IMAGINARY FRIEND

>nothing of note for a while, a few slips

___
>in brig

>get threatened with perma

>get brigged instead

>both a fucking revenant and nightmare try to kill me (rev had obj to make my life hell, i suppose for the borderline rape)

>GET RELEASED

>i ask friendo how they can noclip through walls

>"a gift from my lord, L'ajssshhsssgagywjksssbhhhcgsssjhhhuesssyuydhhgrhehghajdjwyu the Devourer."

>how can i get this power myself?

>well, it requires you to have me summoned on the physical plane.

___

>go to chapel

>turn off lights

>make runes

>make candles

>get a body from morgue

>cmo comes along with a circular saw and helps with the ritual, but is speculative

>L'ajssshhsssgagywjksssbhhhcgsssjhhhuesssyuydhhgrhehghajdjwyu the Devourer FUCKING SPEAKS TO US and demands a dead black slime

>racist

>friend goes to sleep for a bit and i go get the slime, science is cooperative for once

>biggest fucking mistake ever in the entire existence of reality itself

___

>go back to chapel

>L'ajssshhsssgagywjksssbhhhcgsssjhhhuesssyuydhhgrhehghajdjwyu the Devourer speaks, says it will be done, they will have a physical form

>friendo wakes up 5 min later

>they die and are reborn atop the gibbed corpse, AS A PURPLE XENO WHO KNOWS FUCKIN REPTILLIAN (am lizard so i understand)

>sacrifice another body

>friend gains the ability to convert simplemobs to the cult

>we convert ian, poly, runtime, a cockroach, a clown from a clownstorm event, etc.

>not in chronological order

>eventually RD sees us and demands for BOTH of our executions

>i pray to L'ajssshhsssgagywjksssbhhhcgsssjhhhuesssyuydhhgrhehghajdjwyu the Devourer and ask for protection

>i get a weakened cult stun

>fuck_yeah.jpg

>detective shows up and tries to coax me into death

>i say no

>they kill me

___

>i salt a bit in dchat about validhunters

>friend almost kills det

>I AM SWOOPED UP BY AN ODYSSEUS AND TAKEN TO MED

>FRIEND COMES WITH

>NOONE ATTACKS FRIEND

>midnight rose said they didnt expect lethals quite so soon

>i get revived

>rev tries to tell me to kill warden, i ignore them

___

>me and friend, me with cap headset now, go fuck aroudn for a while

>i get AA somehow

>we go to xenobio for some reason

>this after a clown portal storm HONK

>clowns are around

>RD AND DURAND ARE THERE

>THEY TRY TO KILL US BUT I PUSH RD AND TLEEPORT THEM

>DURAND RUNS OUT AND BLAST DOORS CLOSE

>XENOS ARE FRIENDLY TO ME

>PAI IS TRANSLATING

>I MAKE A CLOWN SENTIENT

>eventually we break out

>people screamed about singuloose for a while now, i didnt care

>SINGULO COMES UP NEXT TO ME

>FUCK

___

>RUN TO CHAPEL

>pray to L'ajssshhsssgagywjksssbhhhcgsssjhhhuesssyuydhhgrhehghajdjwyu the Devourer for salvation

>SINGULARITY IS GETTING VISUALLY CLOSER

>THE CHAPEL IS SPACED

>CENTCOM ANNOUNCEMENT COMES: SINGULO HAS BEEN FUCKING HIJACKED BY L'ajssshhsssgagywjksssbhhhcgsssjhhhuesssyuydhhgrhehghajdjwyu the Devourer!!!!

>OH FUCK GOD

___

>never see friend again, they jumped into singulo

>i mourn

>ask why i was betrayed

>realize i was exploited as a conduit for the devouring of our reality

>i ask why they did it in prayers

>"To devour."

>i grow sad

>take my gold horn

>IM SORRY HONKMOTHER!!! IM SO SORRY!!!

>suicide

___

>singulo is now narsie

>its deadchat controlled

>d e v o u r

>i ask the honkmother for forgiveness

>"THERE IS ONLY HUNGER NOW"

>HE ATE MY GOD

this round was fucking insane oh my god. all because of a little lobotomy and admemery, all of reality is gone

this round just happened btw

Jack7D1 · Post by **Jack7D1** » Tue Mar 24, 2020 12:22 am #551005

Very good round lots of bones

confused rock · Thu May 28, 2020 4:52 am

SURVIVE

>security on manuel, boxstation, round with about 40 people
>This round would only be possible on the new design of boxstation
>no captain
>no hos
>no warden
>no other security staff
>detective goes braindead in a locker
>only a hop
>five minutes in brig explodes with me in it
>I am on fire knocked on the ground at 50% hp
>roll the fire out
>I am trapped
>slam a firelock alarm despite the cold to escape, drink a coffee, rush back and grab a donut and a hardsuit
>use donut to heal up to half health again and have to guard the armory till it's half-fixed and I go to the hop for extra access
>guard armory for over 10 minutes until I get specific pda messages for help
>it's a blue APC, which I'm sure is emagged
>geneticist moth lumin lux is concerned about the same APC and I say I'm on the case
>took me several minutes to walk to the apc
>poor communication means it takes me like 10 minutes to forensic scan all evidence
>hop's door is emagged, black gloves? I'm not wearing them and no other sec, is this the janitor?
>APC has janitor suit on it. it is the janitor.
>1 geneticist is missing, the other runs into my beepsky
>searching the janitor, explain it's about the emag business
>nothing suspicious on him so I'm about to let him go
>"WHATS AN EMAG" he says
>that was playing dumb so hard that I know he's involved somehow
>give him to the hop as they're the only person with authority otherwise who I can trust
>after failing to find the other janitor I reluctantly let him go for the time being as maybe he is just that stupid and it'd be awfully invasive of me to search for a storage implant on a hunch
>"hey, there's traitor stuff at escape"
>it's a.. storage implant box... with janitor jumpsuit fibers on it...
>fortunately for me the stupid janitor falls right into my arms yet again
>one of the doctors in medbay is too stupid to do a surgery but he politely points that out and fetches a competent doctor, who removes the implant
>toolbelt, airlock charger, emag
>drag him to hop, who agrees that a trial would be good since this guy is absolutely hilarious
>he says "DO YOU HAVE ANY PROOF THAT I USED MY EMAG ON ANY ARMORED PERSONNEL CARRIERS?"
>while he's in the trial box, before it's announced, I tell the hop to not announce it yet- the janitor has a pda message!

ADAPT

>the pda message is from someone named jordi- they've subverted the ai, and knew that crush had one of the borgs subverted before. they're interested in working together.
>play along, we'll meet at arrivals
>leave the guy with a lawyer, failing to regard the track record lawyers have of letting out even the most dangerous criminals
>hop comes with as backup. we're still poorly armed since we have to get to the meeting asap
>grab braindead detective's gun as plan B
>head to arrivals
>disabler the guy down on sight, a mediborg and a standard borg were hiding nearby
>I can't get cuffs on this guy yet but I probably shouldn't shoot every criminal I meet as the only example of security this station has!
>unload the ion on both borgs while occasionally disablering jordi so he can't get up
>get cuffs on jordi but the borgs are back-I don't notice how much the mediborg is poisoning me
>when I realise I don't have much time awake, I unload the revolver into jordi in hopes the borgs won't try to save him once he's fully dead.
>that doesn't matter to me now! I'm bleeding out!
>bleed out as I watch the hop scuffle with the borgs. I never see her again.
>after my death, I watch the borgs struggle to barely keep jordi alive. the mediborg's saline solve most his ills.
>curse myself as my body dries in the vacant office despite having suit sensors, as the borgs were too busy evacuating jordi. even less reason for me to keep my sensors on in the future!

WIN

>"Um, is-a-lizard looks hurt on suit sensors"
>a lizard doctor shows up outside the vacant office
>"AI"
>don't you fucking say it
>"open vacant office please"
>watch the door get set to shocked
>another doctor, human, shows up, and the AI has to open the door to avoid blowing cover.
>the doctors bring my body back to medbay with the HoP going unnoticed, as do the ai's subtle, but failed attempts at murdering both doctors.
>All of my organs are rotted partially
>I get a synthetic heart, but the ai shorts the power to medbay intentionally, forcing the doctors to leave me half blind and with constant tinnitus
>the eye damage heals but as I wake up I am informed I have already caught the sentient disease that is killing all of medbay- it's ludicrous to cure and for the rest of the round I'm popping synthflesh and pentetic acid to keep myself alive.
>My mistake was trying to use silence as cover and thinking me and the HoP could take on jordi and his borgs with no preparation. This time, I'll let everyone know.
>Scream as obnoxiously as possible over radio the exact crimes of jordi, crush the janitor, and the AI.
>Okay, got that part down... now I regret how hastily I equipped myself in fighting jordi earlier
>genetics set up a public station and I grab insulation and cold resistance
>use cold resist to visit the exploded brig and grab an ion carbine along with an advanced egun
>I'm going to need help if I want to fight the borgs and jordi, plus ultimately the ai, this time. Especially since I'm balancing my awful organs and my supreme injuries. Maybe find where crush escaped to along the way.
>See an assistant call the shuttle
>I don't care where that guy got the access, I just need his help.
>head through the hop office to get into the bridge, using crush's airlock charger-
>both borgs are headed at me! And an atmos tech? But jordi was an engineer or assistant! and another guy as well?!
>Retreat to have the medborg follow me, stunning it and unloading into it with the detective revolver. No idea how I didn't emp myself with the ion carbine.
>hurt somewhat since jordi shot me with a stechkin and I only had riot armor, hurt a lot more since the disease has been killing me the entire time
>a moth comes in and starts shooting as well! I shout a quick explanation in case he's confused and take the distraction as a chance to use my last synthflesh patch
>run back in to finish off the other borg, I toss a flashbang into the conference room but by the time it goes off the moth has killed both of the humans
>moth is bleeding but I'm out of meds
>the masks of our enemies are removed, jordi's friend was crush!
>the moth is lumin lux, and he takes some solace knowing that was the guy who emagged his APC.
>now to deal with the AI.. since this is box, it's on the bridge with us.
>Lumin is easily destroying the turrets one by one by using telekinesis, xray, and a fire axe, while I mostly worry about what the disease is doing to me
>But I'm an officer! This is my job!! I have an ion carbine and a recharging laser gun!!! I can help-
>I try to shoot one of the turrets with a laser gun, but I forget that I'm dual wielding, shoot myself with the emp, and stop my synthetic heart.
>The moth almost seems to fail to notice my insignificant death and effortlessly takes out the rest of the turrets.
>The AI points out that it is a mere victim of circumstance, and Lumin points out that they don't have time for this before slicing the ai until it makes the loud beepy noises and it bluescreens.
>Lumin walks by my body, pauses, and picks me up.
>I'm revived on the shuttle and mostly feel like dead weight. but we lived!

I guess dealing with a subverted AI, two borgs, and two humans isn't normally that great, but doing it as the sole member of the security team, with dysfunctional organs, with a disease rapidly degenerating my body, is one of the most impossible fights I've ever had and I'm so glad that moth mopped it up. Being a retry of a fight I lost due to hubris earlier made it one of the most important fights ever to me as well. I wouldn't have noticed jordi's pda messages to crush the janitor if I hadn't decided to give crush a trial and look deeply into his stuff, but I wouldn't have had my suit sensors left on if I didn't summarily almost-execute jordi at the right time to distract his borgs.

Tarchonvaagh · Fri May 29, 2020 2:57 pm

THINK
ADAPT

confused rock · Fri May 29, 2020 5:14 pm

JORDI PART 2

>Jordi is carp bundle murderbone man
>find most of his dead victims to revive
>one moth who helped me figure out what was going on is still missing and after I catch Jordi I interrogate him for the moth's location
>FUCK YOU THIS SPACE COMBAT SUCKS FUCK YOU
>he goes catatonic
>my coworker found the moth so his waste of my time was for nothing

JORDI PART 3

amazing deadchat quotes from the round where me and the moth stopped him

John_Pootis/(Jordi Johnson) (DEAD) "god damn it is a lizard"
John_Pootis/(Jordi Johnson) (DEAD) "is a lizard is such a fuckin powergamer officer"
John_Pootis/(Jordi Johnson) (DEAD) "how did is a lizard not die there"
John_Pootis/(Jordi Johnson) (DEAD) "what the fuck"
John_Pootis/(Jordi Johnson) (DEAD) "he has a cancer virus and we already killed him once"
John_Pootis/(Jordi Johnson) (DEAD) "or more like an insta kill virus"

confused rock · Thu Jul 30, 2020 7:11 pm

>station engineer on pubby
>get off arrivals shuttle
>walking past the security checkpoint
>bluespace anomaly
>get teleported to space outside the ai sat
>lizard to so I freeze to death in about 3 seconds
>death speedrun

that was such stupid fucking bullshit that I couldn't help but laugh.

wesoda25 · Post by **wesoda25** » Fri Oct 30, 2020 11:29 pm #580423

Maybe not awesome, but just fun.

>vampire assistant
>infiltrate prison and drink the blood of a prisoner a few times before he runs off screaming
>leave and become a psychologist
>go to brig and see that warden is deputizing the prisoner
>"Varden I should do a mental evaluation first, to make sure he is stable"
>Me and the prisoner alone in interrogation
>Ask him why he wanted to become an officer
>He was bored, "And there was a vampire in prison"
>"Describe him to me"
>"Shaved hairs red eyes"
>I'm wearing a hat and prescription glasses now
>"Tell me more about his eyes tim"
>Count Cobb whispers, "Did they look like this?"
>epic reveal epic shoving match and flight from security when warden barges in

XivilaiAnaxes · Sat Oct 31, 2020 12:07 pm

Calibraptor wrote:>Mention in OOC after round-end that I ended up sparing him
>Somebody calls me a shitter
>They weren't wrong

>Manuel
>Be me
>Warden Strange
>Clown being a jackass slipping people
>Gets brought to brig
>Captain tells us to let him go
>Fucking retard clownphilic captain
>Clown claims someone stole his shoes
>Detective later finds clown shoes
>Tell clown to come to brig to get his shoes
>Detective begs me not to give him the shoes back
>He's my detective so he's my bro and I gotta stick by my bro
>Detective also happens to steal a lawyer's briefcase
>Lawyer representing clown comes to brig with said clown raging about his shoes and briefcase
>Taunt them by taking the clown shoes out to show them through the glass and then going out back
>Throw briefcase with shoes out the airlock
>Captain walks into brig while lawyer is going nuts, literally walks in on me coming out of the airlocks
>"WARDEN STOLE THE SHOES!!"
>"no i didnt what shoes?"
>Captain sits around trying to mediate for 5 minutes or so before being called off to something important
>"Oh thank god, lets get a space suit and throw the shoes somewhere that isn't in sight of a window"
>Captain is still in brig when I return in space-suit
>"FUCK!" internally - he doesn't notice oh thank god and eventually he leaves none the wiser

>Chaplain comes in asking to duel the captain
>Fuck clown lovers I'm dedicating my life to Nox and his crusade
>I get him some g a m e r gear for his "duel" and let him know me and the detective are all for him
>Lawyer comes back demands a "trial"
>No way these bozos have anything on me so whatever
>Nobody is dumb enough to actually set up a trial so I agree if the captain organises it
>HE FUCKING DOES
>Whatever, I let the Nox know "yo he's in the court go get him while this is going on
>Me and detective in court room
>Clown apparently went space walking and found his fucking shoes
>Has my krav maga glove prints and some detective lizard prints all over said shoes
>FUCK FUCK FUCK I try to eat the paper with the evidence in the middle of the trial with everyone watching
>Not coded as a function I'm fucking boned

>QM throws a flashbang into the courtroom
>Oh thank fuck lets gtfo
>Take my gloves off while running around like a headless chicken
>Throw my krav maga gloves into the kitchen - not my krav maga gloves they got stolen never wore them you can't prove shit
>"I never fucking gave these to you"

>Back to court after the QM is nowhere to be found
>LionelHutz.gif
>"You think I'm wearing Krav maga gloves do you? Is that what you think? Well I have something to tell you, something that may shock and discredit you! I'm not wearing gloves at all!"
>Lawyer is either too mad to care or doesn't get the reference and takes it seriously "COURT IS NOT IN SESSION YET"
>Captain starts proceedings again and doors are immediately bolted and the room starts panic siphoning - Rogue AI
>Oh THANK god for that
>Almost die from suffocation
>Find HoS being murdered in a hallway
>Chaplain has a fucking Mech
>"Oh hi"
>Get gunned down in the hall like the degenerate I am

>Chaplain was head-rev all along
>I was a massive shitter who basically singlehandedly killed the head of staff over some clown shoes the detective didnt want to give back
>Amazing game

Fiz Bump · Post by **Fiz Bump** » Fri Dec 25, 2020 9:32 am #585050

>Christmas eve on /tg/
>start a quiet game as assistant
>spawn near maint so go hunting for presents
>pick up a syndie space suit
>then a full infiltrator outfit
>pretty good RNG I think
>declare my gifts over comms so I don't get robusted by sec
>wander over the the bar to open my tree present
>not expecting much since I was lucky in maint
>OH FUCK ITS A SUPERTMATTER SLIVER
>YOU CAN HOLD IT IN YOUR HAND IF YOU UNWRAP IT FROM A PRESENT
>OH FUCK I'M REALLY RADIOACTIVE NOW
>PANIC
>DROP IT OFF AT SCIENCE, IT'S THEIR PROBLEM NOW
>OH FUCK SCIENCE IS RADIOACTIVE
>HOLY SHIT, THAT SCIENTIST GOT DUSTED

>Eventually put it in a locker and drag it to the chapel
>Wow, that's a REALLY radioactive tree
>Captain comes barreling in with a crate
>ITS A SUPERMATTER SHARD
>He has the hot idea to feed the sliver to the shard, that way we get rid of it forever
>Everyone stands back, he opens the crate
>... nothing happens (except that half the chapel starts glowing)
>to encourage it, the cap shoots it a few times
>no luck, we start tossing stools, paper airplanes and shoes at it
>Success! The sliver gets eaten.
>Local plasmen begin worshipping the shard as we wait for the shuttle to arrive
>Plasmen sacrifice a clown NPC to the shard, angry clown planet denizens begin raiding escape in response
>sneak past angry clowns onto shuttle, notice all my hair has fallen out and I'm barfing a lot
>the shard somehow gets to the shuttle and dusts the cap (its how he would have wanted to go)
>engiborg drags shard back to escape
>shuttle departs
>everyone has cancer
>the end

cacogen · Post by **cacogen** » Sun Dec 27, 2020 4:00 am #585276

>QM
>building a bounty cube disposal
>see abductor teleporting in
>immediately announce on radio because i just want to improve cargo for god's sake
>outrun the guy as he tries to stun me
>return to cargo but come face to face with the asshole as he sleeps me but the HoP and a miner rescue me but leave me unconscious and unattended in cargo
>go on internet to wait out the oranges-imposed two minute sleep because i refused to suck up to him
>return almost immediately after the abductor has started dragging me after i've regained consciousness and immediately get stunned and slept again
>wake up handcuffed in locker on the abductor ship with the abductor scientist performing SRS on the HoP
>leave the locker to chat with the abductor, fully expecting to be slept again
>tell him I hate everything they're about, the bullshit baton, abducting me when I'm just trying to improve cargo for god's sake, and that's about it but add that the alien aesthetic is one of my favourites
>instead he just nods along to what I'm saying while finishing up the HoP's new vagina
>HoP has regained consciousness I guess because he tells the abductor they're terrible at this and I wish the HoP the best as he's teleported back down to the station
>eagerly hop onto the abductor's table and lie down because I just want to get back to improving cargo for God's sake
>instead, he teleports out
>I slip the cuffs while lying down, trusting he won't notice when he returns
>he returns with the cargo security officer unconscious and handcuffed and puts them in the same locker I was in
>he teleports out again
>I find the aliens' saw and put it in my bag and uncuff the unconscious officer in the locker before closing it again and lying back down on the table
>the abductor returns and starts doing something on the console and while I'm considering making my move the officer bursts out of the closet like a gay kool-aid man, stun baton in hand and flies across the ship and immediately fucks the guy
>I get off the table and with the alien saw help slaughter him thinking it'll give us a better chance when the second abductor shows up
>but he never does and the first abductor had sighed which seemed to indicate things weren't going so well for them
>celebrate the victory of cargo improvement over antag PvP
>it's short lived however as we realise we're trapped here
>we figure we needed the abductor alive to escape but we don't have a defibrillator so we can't revive it
>the abductor console tells us we're trapped here forever
>eventually the officer mashes buttons on the console while I stand on the telepad and end up being sent to the psychiatrist's office (which seems like an apt place to end up after being abducted)
>I can't get out but the psychiatrist happens to show up and open the door
>I tell the station EXCITEDLY over Common about what just happens but naturally no one cares nearly as much as I do
>return to cargo to find a miner just kind of standing there
>immediately the words come to me: "And so I'm back from outer space."
>assume that unless I drive it home no reference will be understood to have occurred so hackily add: "I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face."
>ask over Common about the security officer who I assume may be trapped on the ship but of course nobody responds
>realise somehow that in all the excitement, after stripping the dead alien I ended up with an alien headset in my toolbelt, which gives me access to all channels
>the other abductor is reported as killed by the captain over Command, and at some point the shuttle is called
>board but consider staying behind to find the cargo officer in case they made it back but had died or something
>eventually notice him beside me on the shuttle, tells me he ended up in the psychiatrist's office too
>our journey to Centcom is not safe and uneventful as something bombs the shuttle and I nearly die
>and then Centcom is filled with admin bullshit which despite hiding in a plant I end up getting killed by
Sometimes this game can end up generating compelling stories but it usually relies on player characters being conscious for them to participate. None of this would've been possible had the abductor just chain slept us like they usually do which is in their best interest but is a shitty fucking experience for the player (less to do than death) and removes any chance to roleplay.

wesoda25 · Post by **wesoda25** » Sat May 22, 2021 3:32 am #600664

>Hercules the clown
>Swear fealty to captain and pledge my sword (baguette) and shield to them
>Rise as a knight, sworn to protect the station
>Pray to the gods for strength and receive it
>Do knight shit for a while, deliver the fair maiden pun-pun to her home, etc
>Notice that there are a shit ton of bananas all over the halls, decide to look into it
>Security thinks its me and want me on a meathook
>Head to robotics to inquire about bananium, nothing
>See curator come in from space, ask them, they show me bananium
>Try and share my lead, an officer tries to arrest me, a brave MD comes to my rescue
>Officer ends up taking MD to brig, I try and save them
>Officer says fuck it and starts lethaling me
>Captain comes to my defense and lethals the officer in return
>Other officers arrest captain, captain calls for help
>I try and help, cap almost escapes, I end up cuffed in sec office
>Captain is now screaming for the crew to kill security
>Absolute chaos in brig
>Cap ends up in perma, ive almost uncuffed myself
>CMO suddenly attacks HOS, I'm the only one around
>Come to HOS' defense at the last second and help subdue the CMO
>Shuttle arrives, healing HOS who has been drugged with morphine
>Don't make it in time, bring HOS to teleporter
>A DRAGON appears
>Beelines for HOS, I attack them with my blade and try and distract them
>Dragon ends up killing me, HOS soon after, round ends
>Round end delayed for 5 minutes

Can you even call it a good clown round if you didn't trigger a civil war and the complete loss of order?