Nervere 15-Oct-19 01:40 PM
I'd like to speak with you about my ban in a more personal way than is possible on the forums.
If you don't want to, I understand, but I strongly feel this will be a lot more productive.
The forums are often impersonal and harsh, and unsuitable for discussions like this.
MortoSasye 15-Oct-19 05:02 PM
Alright, but as a condition keep in mind I will need to share this conversation with the others
Since we're not supposed to handle administrative matters in private
Nervere 15-Oct-19 06:21 PM
Sure, that's fine.
To start off, why do you think that I don't take you seriously? I think I've put a great deal of effort into avoiding repeating things when you tell me not to do them. For example: after you kicked me for posting those three conjoined discord invites after you told me not to spam, I did not do it again. Isn't this an example of taking your warnings seriously? I don't know how you view the power dynamic between you and I (if there even is one), but when you said in #verification-room that you were disappointed in me, that hurt a lot and I reformed myself from there.
I know I was rude to you when you warned me yesterday, and that's my fault, I accept fault for that and I apologize. I was being really aggressive because oranges was deliberately antagonizing me, and it wasn't right of me to take that out on you. The reason I lashed out at your warning was because of my misguided anger, not because I do not take your warnings seriously. I'm not going to go and post admin chat screenshots in the ban appeal thread because it would take forever to get everyone's consent, but you and other admins are very aware of the conflict oranges and I have. He calls me a cunt publicly and shit talks me worse behind my back. It is supremely frustrating to have someone like that try to moderate my actions, because I know he's not doing it fairly, and he's not doing it in good faith. Again, I apologize for my mis-directed anger towards you, it wasn't fair of me, but I remain firm that my comment directed towards Joe Berry was not harassment.
To clarify, I'm referencing when you said, "I'm very disappointed in you" in the #verification-room after you kicked me for spam about 3 weeks ago.
MortoSasye 15-Oct-19 06:44 PM
You have been talked to by not only me but a lot of people regarding your recent actions, and you mocking me instead of taking me seriously that day was the final straw for me not having any hope you would change for the better.
If you feel oranges is constantly attacking you we can speak with them, but it isn't an excuse for that sort of behaviour. I also did not appreciate you bringing up me being harassed by tino in the appeal, something that is personal to me.
To be specific, you didn't got banned because of Joe Berry, but a long record of actions you have taken since your term reached its end in which you treated everyone like garbage while not taking any of us seriously.
Nervere 15-Oct-19 06:47 PM
Who are the other people who have talked to me after my term ended?
MortoSasye 15-Oct-19 06:48 PM
Squid, Cynic, Wubli, Jcll
P sure others have done so too
Nervere 15-Oct-19 06:48 PM
I'm sorry if I caused offense with the reference to Tinodrima, but I think the similarity is relevant. Oranges likes to rile the crowd against me like he did to you. Our struggle isn't all that different. Oranges harassed me and personally attacked me for my entire second term and a good half of my first term. I asked headmins multiple times in my second term to do something about it, they never did.
MortoSasye 15-Oct-19 06:49 PM
If oranges is harassing you we will speak with them, but for now, this is not relevant to the reason why you got banned
Nervere 15-Oct-19 06:49 PM
Squid and Jcll spoke with me about Hulk, that was before my term ended and I really don't agree that the screenshots in the thread were examples of me harassing Hulk.
Cynic called me a dickhead in admin chatter and that's about it.
MortoSasye 15-Oct-19 06:50 PM
Jcll spoke with you in public in the server regarding your actions since your term ended
er
i meant to say squid
Nervere 15-Oct-19 06:51 PM
I don't recall the conversation we had, can you provide screenshots?
I disagree that what oranges has done to me is not relevant. His antagonism towards me is why I was being aggressive towards you when I shouldn't have been. It's my fault for taking the bait but he also played a role and was malicious in what he did.
MortoSasye 15-Oct-19 06:53 PM
this was done in admin chatter, i will share it since it was from the time you were there but remember that spreading this would be considered a leak:
My mistake was saying it was after your term ended, it was actually at the end of it
however it showcases what I'm trying to say: That you don't take us seriously when you start being extremely hostile with someone
Nervere 15-Oct-19 06:55 PM
This isn't true. I admitted I was in the wrong later in admin chat.
MortoSasye 15-Oct-19 06:55 PM
Also, two wrongs don't make one right. If oranges is being so hostile against you, then it can be talked by the headmins and then he would receive a warning against doing so any further. You dismissing me immediately and proceeding to mock me was your own decision (edited)
If you admitted you were wrong
Then why did you never apologize to him for what you did?
Nervere 15-Oct-19 06:56 PM
I don't think two wrongs make a right. My point is that my frustration with oranges is why I lashed out at you. That wasn't okay of me to do, and I apologize for it.
MortoSasye 15-Oct-19 06:57 PM
You kept being hostile even afterwards
I don't care by the way about you apologizing to me, I want you to make me believe you will change for the better
And stop behaving this way
You're not the person I knew a year ago. I don't know what happened, but since your term ended you're constantly being hostile against everyone
Nervere 15-Oct-19 07:01 PM
Good question. It's a two-fold thing. Firstly, I couldn't have a conversation on the topic anywhere, anytime, without having a group of people attack me for what I had said, even though I had already tried to take steps back from it. Believe me, I wanted to get this out of my hair, I just wanted for it to be over and the last weeks of my headminship were torture for me. But I didn't feel empowered to apologize when I was still being attacked for it. To me, that would allow people who constantly attack me to have a "victory" over me. People like oranges, jcll (sometimes), and squid who made it their goal to make my life hell during my headmin term had also been the people championing the public attacks against me.
I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and sort of still am, because I want the conflict to end (and still do) but I find it mentally hard to do with these people on my ass.
I can tell you why I'm not the same person you knew.
At the end of my headmin term I felt empowered to be a dickhead to everyone because I knew I'd be exiting adminbus and I felt I had to make things right against the people who had wronged me. So, when people (oranges for example) would call me names in public or make stupid comments meant to make me angry, I no longer had the motivation or self-restraint to be the better man. So I'd argue with them, sink to their level, and be a piece of shit.
When my headmin term ended, this retarded power high didn't, so I kept lashing out against people who cared for me over stupid shit. So that's why I left the discord. I tried to distance myself from the community after that, but then people who didn't like me kept making fun of me for announcing my leave (they say the post I made in #announcements was egotistical. maybe true but i just wanted to get /tg/ out of my life). So I came back and started engaging in the same self-destructive behavior.
This came to a head when I was spamming.
As much as I'd like to play it off, I was just being a little fucker because I let the power get to my head at some point and thought I was immune to breaking the rules.
When I came back, and you expressed your disappointment in me, it did meant a lot.
I don't think I have caused problems since then. I don't plan on causing more.
Right now, me being banned from /tg/ is a closure thing. I don't want to participate in /tg/ much anymore or cause issues. I just want to occasionally VC with my friends or whatever. So me trying to revive that power high is in direct contrast to that goal.
I know you think this thing with Joe is the latest in a pattern of dickish behavior, it's not. It was rude of me but not harassment, and honestly I don't think I've caused any issues after what happened with you kicking me about spam.
MortoSasye 15-Oct-19 07:11 PM
Again, it wasn't that exactly but you disregarding again being warned to stop and mocking the admin instead
As you said, I assumed that was the case: You were on a power high and thought you couldn't be touched, so I applied a ban to hopefully snap you out of it
I truly want to believe you will stop this, so I will unban you, but first, I would like if you apologized to the people you hurt. I know it's hard because you feel like you're giving the people that hurt you a victory, but the people that were attacked didn't deserve it.
Nervere 15-Oct-19 07:13 PM
That sounds agreeable, but would you mind if I waited until tomorrow before I issue an apology? I am too emotional right now and I don't think I'd do a good job at it.
MortoSasye 15-Oct-19 07:14 PM
Of course, don't worry. Thanks for explaining why you did what you did and accepting your actions were wrong.
Nervere 15-Oct-19 07:15 PM
I will apologize to Hulk and John, I've already done so for Joe in a conversation earlier. I do not believe I owe an apology to oranges because he has made my online interactions hell for the better half of my stay at /tg/. Can we agree to this?
MortoSasye 15-Oct-19 07:17 PM
You have been unbanned by the way
Also yes, that's fine
https://tgstation13.org/phpBB/viewforum.php?f=60
Join the /tg/Station13 Official Discord Server!
Check out the /tg/Station13 Official community on Discord - hang out with 3,697 other members and enjoy free voice and text chat.
Nervere 15-Oct-19 07:17 PM
I'm going to stay away from the server for now but I'll likely join tonight or tomorrow. Thanks for the chat, Morto.
MortoSasye 15-Oct-19 07:17 PM
Mhm
Nervere 15-Oct-19 07:18 PM
I'll speak with Hulk and John tomorrow and will give you updates then. Take care for now, I'm going to play some games and relax.
MortoSasye 15-Oct-19 07:18 PM
Of course
Also keep on mind people will probably start pming you, etc
Nervere 15-Oct-19 07:18 PM
About what?
Oh, the unban. Right. I'm not thinking straight.
Yeah that's fine I'm on do not disturb mode anyway.
MortoSasye 15-Oct-19 07:19 PM
mhm
I also told oranges to avoid starting fights with you from now on to avoid a repeat of what happened
Nervere 15-Oct-19 07:20 PM
I'm just going to block him. I had him blocked for half of my last term and it was a big mistake to unblock.
Thank you for telling him to lay off.
MortoSasye 15-Oct-19 07:21 PM
No problem