dwarf chat

Super Aggro Crag · Tue Jan 17, 2017 12:54 am

(this thread is for dwarfs to chat about dwarven crafts, how much we hate Orcs and elves, and beards.)

*saunters into the drinking hall of the Dwarfhold TwinGiants station and strokes his mustache braids*

"My name is Anvähl Hammerhelm..." *looks about the drinking hall and nods dwarvishly* "and I fucking hate Orcs!" *slams fist on the bar counter and orders a snifter of Dwarf Brandy.*

Anonmare · Post by **Anonmare** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 1:01 am #244783

Wot da zogg didja jus' say ubbout mi race ya zoggin stunty stack? Meeb bet yooz wona dem prissy elf-lovaz an suck off da uumies too.

Ork craftmanship iz o' da 'ighest qwality, no race kan ebur 'ope ter match da Orkies wen it comz ter shea superiority in weaponry, Stunties are too weak an stoopid ter ebur challenge an Ork in wun an wun fightin.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 1:27 am #244796

Are we Warhmmer Fantasy (rip in peace) dwarves, tolkein dwarves, or Toadyone dorfs? this is important

Super Aggro Crag · Tue Jan 17, 2017 1:28 am

*seethes with righteous dwarf fury while drinking the finest brandy* "I must admit, orc, the sheer cheek it takes to come into this hall...its impressive." *wrings brandy out of his mustache and finishes his drink* "But, you have to realize it's -!" *glasses the cunt with his snifter!* "You're about to learn, you slag-faced gimlet-eyed swine..." *teleports behind you and climbs up on a table* "Why they call me Hammerhelm!" *performs a diving headbutt to the orc for massive damage!*

Super Aggro Crag · Tue Jan 17, 2017 1:30 am

Wyzack wrote:Are we Warhmmer Fantasy (rip in peace) dwarves, tolkein dwarves, or Toadyone dorfs? this is important

(Twingiants is located in the deepest halls of the Realm of Earth
All dwarf tunnels have a road leading to it. That's why they all talk the same. You can be any dwarf.)

danno · Post by **danno** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 2:22 am #244817

im d warf

Super Aggro Crag · Tue Jan 17, 2017 2:24 am

danno wrote:im d warf

"Greetings, brother! What clan do you hail from?"

Ricotez · Post by **Ricotez** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 11:22 am #244942

Urist McPun is in a fey mood!

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 11:47 am #244945

oy fey

Lumbermancer · Tue Jan 17, 2017 11:57 am

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 12:20 pm #244947

Had to take my beard to the vet today

Everything is okay though

calzilla1 · Post by **calzilla1** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 12:20 pm #244948

Hello my fellow dwarfs it's me, Notanelf! Man, do you just HATE orks buncha uncivilized loosers? If we team up with the elves we can surly beat back those barbarians! And, elves are pretty cool guys, one time i was like stuck in a desert and dieing, but elves saved me and nursed me back to health, so bringing in a few wont hurt any one you barb- ah I mean bros!

Super Aggro Crag · Tue Jan 17, 2017 3:39 pm

calzilla1 wrote:Hello my fellow dwarfs it's me, Notanelf! Man, do you just HATE orks buncha uncivilized loosers? If we team up with the elves we can surly beat back those barbarians! And, elves are pretty cool guys, one time i was like stuck in a desert and dieing, but elves saved me and nursed me back to health, so bringing in a few wont hurt any one you barb- ah I mean bros!

"An elf? Saving a dwarf? Are you sure you were not just hallucinating from overheating?"

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 3:51 pm #244980

*In walks a dwarf rippling with muscles and covered in strange blue tattoos. He wears a pair of striped pants and no shirt, scars crisscrossing his frame and a braided ornamented beard on his face, two mowhawks running the length of his skull*

"Ach lads, is this the bloody afterlife? Was battlin the chaos hordes, lookin fer a foe mean enough to grant me the sweet release o' death. I had just split the skull o' a mean lookin eight foot tall red skinned bastard when everything went white. Some human lad in strange dress clothes said we had ter go to the stars an start callin ourselves Duradin due to management desicions,so i headbutted the impudent shit to death an wound up here"

Post by **Armhulen** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 4:31 pm #244993

kobolds > dwarfs

fight me bout it

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 4:33 pm #244995

>live in shitty dirt holes eating rats
>get used as disposable trash minions by the dragonfolk you for some reason worship
>Good at making traps and basically nothing else

I like kobolds too but saying they are just straight up better than dwarves does not make much sense tbh

Post by **Armhulen** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 4:51 pm #244998

they're dextrous. they could use blowdarts with poisons, they're amazing at dodging, fantastic for stealth and ambushes, and they make good thieves.

using kobolds as cannon fodder is using them wrong, and a diet of rats is resourceful when you have a lot of them. dwarves demand alcohol, good food, a place to sleep... kobolds can live off rats, nothing more.

Spoiler:

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 5:10 pm #245002

Those traits might be good for a near-vermin race struggling to survive, but you will never create masterworks, build a mighty civilization or change the course of the world (outside of snowlflake flukes/high level kobold PCs) the way dwarves do

Post by **Armhulen** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 5:19 pm #245005

but that is where you are wrong my friend, kobolds are build to breed extremely quickly, while it takes an extremely long time for dwarves to set up a fortress, kobolds can be raiding for supplies while building camps while still gaining in numbers. in red rogue they have chaotic learning, which means they can grow extremely strong if you have some luck on your side. dwarves do have their upsides, I don't think A kobold could beat a dwarf in any one on one combat, so they're not better in every way. If you're sending kobolds to fight dwarves one on one though, you're missing the entire point of kobolds.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 5:24 pm #245006

I just mean in general, no setting i have ever seen has had a great and mighty civilization of kobolds that did not have to skulk and steal

calzilla1 · Post by **calzilla1** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 5:27 pm #245007

Notanelf, the dwarf, here again, can we just admit that elves arnt that bad? I think we could bring a few in, dont you think my fellow dwarves?

Post by **Armhulen** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 5:27 pm #245008

Sad, but true, i'll give you that one. Seriously though, try to recruit a kobolds into your fortress. they can seriously breed like ants in there, having tons of fodder that basically eat nothing /is/ pretty nice

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 5:30 pm #245009

kobold fort mode in masterwork is wicked fun because you have more invaders than any race but orc (all the normal invader races plus all the civilized ones) and are the worst equipped to deal with them. You basically need tons of traps and poison, and a few tame orgres to help smash heads.

"Yer not foolin anyone with all that rot lad, but despite bein a bunch of vainglorious primping ninnies most elves i have seen in my day could fight like hell. O' course i hear the ones left fly around callin themselves Aelfs or some such rot these days"

Post by **Armhulen** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 5:36 pm #245010

calzilla1 wrote:Notanelf, the dwarf, here again, can we just admit that elves arnt that bad? I think we could bring a few in, dont you think my fellow dwarves?

as a proud member of the kobold community, i can confidently say that elves are arguably the worst thing that has ever happened, but I suppose they are pretty good at taming, bowcrafting, and to some extent, running away.

but what do elves do that kobolds or even like goblins don't do? Elves are worse at sneaking, ambushing, they aren't good at alchemy for poison tipped arrows/darts, and they live in trees.

goblins, how do we feel about them? they're too loud for sneaking, too stupid for ambushes, and breed slower than kobolds. why do they even exist?

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 5:43 pm #245014

"TALK TA ME ABOUT GOBLINS AGAIN YA HALFWITTED LIZARD SHIT AN YER GUTS WILL PAINT THE BLOODY FLOOR"

*chugs two gallons of Bugmans XXXXXXXXX

calzilla1 · Post by **calzilla1** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 5:50 pm #245021

Armhulen wrote:
calzilla1 wrote:Notanelf, the dwarf, here again, can we just admit that elves arnt that bad? I think we could bring a few in, dont you think my fellow dwarves?
as a proud member of the kobold community, i can confidently say that elves are arguably the worst thing that has ever happened, but I suppose they are pretty good at taming, bowcrafting, and to some extent, running away.

but what do elves do that kobolds or even like goblins don't do? Elves are worse at sneaking, ambushing, they aren't good at alchemy for poison tipped arrows/darts, and they live in trees.

goblins, how do we feel about them? they're too loud for sneaking, too stupid for ambushes, and breed slower than kobolds. why do they even exist?

Well, I heard elves are WAAAY better at building, fighting, being civilized, copulating and obtaining money. Also, at least we- I mean they arn't fucking furry bait

Post by **Armhulen** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 5:57 pm #245022

calzilla1 wrote:
Armhulen wrote:
calzilla1 wrote:Notanelf, the dwarf, here again, can we just admit that elves arnt that bad? I think we could bring a few in, dont you think my fellow dwarves?
as a proud member of the kobold community, i can confidently say that elves are arguably the worst thing that has ever happened, but I suppose they are pretty good at taming, bowcrafting, and to some extent, running away.

but what do elves do that kobolds or even like goblins don't do? Elves are worse at sneaking, ambushing, they aren't good at alchemy for poison tipped arrows/darts, and they live in trees.

goblins, how do we feel about them? they're too loud for sneaking, too stupid for ambushes, and breed slower than kobolds. why do they even exist?
Well, I heard elves are WAAAY better at building, fighting, being civilized, copulating and obtaining money. Also, at least we- I mean they arn't fucking furry bait

better at building? they live in trees.

better at fighting? weaker than humans, way weaker than dwarves, a kobold could probably beat one considering how good they are at dodging but it would be a close fight

better at bring civilized? okay fair enough sure

better at copulating? (AGAINTS KOBOLDS? L M A O)

better at obtaining money? against stealthy kobold raiders? Not a chance, dude. they breed so fast they can send out multiple raiding parties at once and still have fully staffed camps

better at furry bait? not even furries could love kobolds, they literally have ballsack skin and you know it. can't win em all

It's okay elf lover Notanelf, we'll still accept you, maybe you'll be half decent in a raiding group. Wait a second...

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 6:00 pm #245025

Depends on the elf. Dorf fort elves are literal scum of the earth and deserve magma. Warhammer high elves build dope shit and ride dragon wyverns and sweet boats.

Post by **Armhulen** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 6:02 pm #245026

warhammer elves are literally cheating, DON'T EVEN GO THERE

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 6:08 pm #245028

"We cant lads......*sniff*....its all gone"

calzilla1 · Post by **calzilla1** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 6:45 pm #245036

Armhulen wrote:
calzilla1 wrote:
Armhulen wrote:
calzilla1 wrote:Notanelf, the dwarf, here again, can we just admit that elves arnt that bad? I think we could bring a few in, dont you think my fellow dwarves?
as a proud member of the kobold community, i can confidently say that elves are arguably the worst thing that has ever happened, but I suppose they are pretty good at taming, bowcrafting, and to some extent, running away.

but what do elves do that kobolds or even like goblins don't do? Elves are worse at sneaking, ambushing, they aren't good at alchemy for poison tipped arrows/darts, and they live in trees.

goblins, how do we feel about them? they're too loud for sneaking, too stupid for ambushes, and breed slower than kobolds. why do they even exist?
Well, I heard elves are WAAAY better at building, fighting, being civilized, copulating and obtaining money. Also, at least we- I mean they arn't fucking furry bait
better at building? they live in trees.

better at fighting? weaker than humans, way weaker than dwarves, a kobold could probably beat one considering how good they are at dodging but it would be a close fight

better at bring civilized? okay fair enough sure

better at copulating? (AGAINTS KOBOLDS? L M A O)

better at obtaining money? against stealthy kobold raiders? Not a chance, dude. they breed so fast they can send out multiple raiding parties at once and still have fully staffed camps

better at furry bait? not even furries could love kobolds, they literally have ballsack skin and you know it. can't win em all

It's okay elf lover Notanelf, we'll still accept you, maybe you'll be half decent in a raiding group. Wait a second...

Yeah, trees are just a front for their GIANT UNDER GROUND CASTLES
They are nimble, I once saw then take down 100 kobolds with a wooden bow 100 arrows and a dull dager
Quality over quantity
Making money, not stealing
Shiggy

ShadowDimentio · Tue Jan 17, 2017 6:58 pm

Humans are the best anyways, you get a feat at level one.

Dwarves: Good warriors
Kobolds: Good skirmishers
Elves: Good rangers
Humans: Everything lmao

Post by **Armhulen** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 8:09 pm #245061

Jack of all trades and the master of none

Also they're too big

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 8:10 pm #245062

Super setting dependent. Dwarves are often the best craftsmen and elves are usually the best magic users

Post by **Armhulen** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 8:15 pm #245063

I'm always referencing doof fort just to be clear.

just to be clear i love dwarves, they're fantastic and don't let my pro kobold rants tell you otherwise

ShadowDimentio · Tue Jan 17, 2017 8:25 pm

Dwarves are cool, elves are cool, humans are cool, everyone's cool.

calzilla1 · Post by **calzilla1** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 8:29 pm #245066

ShadowDimentio wrote:Dwarves are cool, elves are cool, humans are cool, everyone's cool.

Except you

Deitus · Post by **Deitus** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 8:46 pm #245071

hidey-ho, frienderinos! im a elf-orc, my parents interbred and raised me in a caring and loving household. im sure that despite our differences we can have a rip-roari'n good time! say, may i get a glass of skim milk please?

Post by **Armhulen** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 9:06 pm #245077

ShadowDimentio wrote:Dwarves are cool, elves are cool, humans are cool, everyone's cool.

forgetting someone?

Super Aggro Crag · Tue Jan 17, 2017 9:15 pm

Deitus wrote:hidey-ho, frienderinos! im a elf-orc, my parents interbred and raised me in a caring and loving household. im sure that despite our differences we can have a rip-roari'n good time! say, may i get a glass of skim milk please?

"Skim...milk....Skim Milk!? SKIM MILK IS NOT REAL MILK, YOU MUDSPAWNED GUTLESS BASTARD!"

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 9:19 pm #245080

*Ties the orc elf to a chair, places a rag over his face and begins to waterboard him with full fat homogenised milk

"HOW YE LIKE THIS MILK YA LILY LIVERED HALF BREED LIMPDICKED GREENIE BASTARD!"

calzilla1 · Post by **calzilla1** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 9:40 pm #245082

Yeah, get that ork fucker outa here!

Post by **Armhulen** » Tue Jan 17, 2017 11:10 pm #245107

"Aye but but I thouh ya like those elfies!"

calzilla1 · Post by **calzilla1** » Wed Jan 18, 2017 12:09 am #245129

Armhulen wrote:"Aye but but I thouh ya like those elfies!"

Eh, they are ok, truly our greatest allie

danno · Post by **danno** » Wed Jan 18, 2017 12:13 am #245130

im from undertown

Deitus · Post by **Deitus** » Thu Jan 19, 2017 5:41 am #245608

Wyzack wrote:*Ties the orc elf to a chair, places a rag over his face and begins to waterboard him with full fat homogenised milk

"HOW YE LIKE THIS MILK YA LILY LIVERED HALF BREED LIMPDICKED GREENIE BASTARD!"

*raging boner*

o-oh yes, how did you know that i have a waterboarding / abuse fetish! im so glad i came here now, this is better than i could have imagined! say, im also a gender submersive trivaginal non-cis oriented pansexual, anyone wanna have sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation?

Anonmare · Post by **Anonmare** » Thu Jan 19, 2017 4:37 pm #245702

Me'm goin' ter need lotsa bleach fer wot me've jus' witnesseded, an a whole lot o' fire ter make sur dis evil neva escapz frommit'z restin' place.

Super Aggro Crag · Thu Jan 19, 2017 7:52 pm

danno wrote:im from undertown

"How are things in Undertown, traveler?"