Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

[Alipheese]

Bottom post of the previous page:

Spoiler:

Happend within the past 3? Days. I've lost all conception of time sleeping through days.

>botantist
>boxstation
>coworker, Harvey, and a not retarded chef.
>aight a real botany round.
>snag my setup and large beaker from our grinder.
>go to chemistry and get mutagen
>immediately get Gaia and grow that shit
>meanwhile Harvey is growing like 15 plants already
>we grow bananas with no slip genes.
>clown happens to come by.
>praise the HONKMOTHER!
>takes a few and leaves.
>we grow shit for the next hour and a half
>nothing eventful
>we harvest our shit but don't put it in the fridge
>if we look in the kitchen we see the lone chef swimming in an ocean of shit
>RANDOM RECALL NO ONE WANT
>wait 2 minutes as everyones calling for recall
>go up to the bridge.
>ai doors please
>walk past the captain. (Who called) and the ce and hop
>still in botany clothes, go up and cancel the shuttle.
>simply walk out
>okay that was weird.
>10 minutes later capt calls again
>hes the only one who wants to leave
>says the dead count yadda yadda
>science is pushing out toys, borgs, and mechs like no fucking tomorrow
>Yeah the dead are happy
>recall it twice more before he realizes people don't want to leave just yet
>o back to botany
>"It's time to stop now." Admin write on the vendors in botany
>ahelp whats going on
>owegno says to pack our shit up, we're lagging the server
>o-o kay, we put everything in the smartfridge
>at this time start my own pet project making my gimmicks God apples.
>Harvey needs mutagen
>I go over to chemistry and say fuck it chemistry aint doing shit and both of them are dead in there.
>ai open, drag em to cloning.
>steal one of their id's,
>take a chem dispenser to botany
>Harvey starts making an ass load of shit,
>egg-eggplants, blue-space bananas, blue-space tomatos, death weed, slip grass, walking mushrooms.
>cool. I'll just sit here and be lame trying to figure what has sabumatol.
>after like 8 tries get it down.
>get my gold apples made with various shit
>hugs has acquired a portal gun and God knows how many fucking metal foam names.
>keeps fucking shooting portals all about in botany and the hall.
>eventually the chef and Harvey have had enough of his shit and beat him down to crit? Never figured out what happend fully
>ooooh a portal gun on the floor.
>Yoink
>shove it in my bag
>hugs terrorizes botany for it back i refuse.
>shuttle call, cap wants to leave.
>as my job of botany, we are not leaving till the crew wants to!
>use portal gun to get inside, recall shuttle
>cap says next person to touch the console is dead meat
>is that a challenge?
>ai or borg taunts the gods that nothing can make us call the shuttle.
>Yes yes, taunt the gods!
>hos Skylar tells me to get ghost chili
>Oh we already have it sir
>gives permission to fuck about in rND
>5 minutes later
>NUKE OPS!
>by now I have 299 of my God apples
>destroy the tree.
>go to rND and grab a taser that was on the table and get something else I forget.
>nuke ops in science as I'm leaving. Hahaha fuck that
>he targets me and starts shooting me with a saw.
>hurting like a bitch, pop down an apple
>go south to toxins. He follows
>found Rd's body. Open his shit for anything.
>im in a corner, nukie coming in my 1x1 way out besides pushing a canister
>push the canister, he's on help intent, swap places with him and push a canister in the way
>run out tell the closest mech nukie in toxins
>we both go back in and start smashing/shooting the nukie to death, take his headset
>hugs is back to botany harassing harvey.
>"this is for earlier" uses dragons breath ammo on her.
>preceeding to sax about for 10 minutes while a scientist helps hugs.
>we ignore eachother as the shuttles about to leave.
>I hide in the cargo Bay of the shuttle
>round ends
>at some point I stole the caps gun which his office was completely open but no one took it oddly enough
>everyones fighting the in the silence of my room it was just hugs. And me
>we shoot at eachother.
>my caps gun empty stomach for a second
>walk into a room to the south. Pop 2 apples and hugs comes in
>we have a shoot out in a 5x5 room
>make it outside to the main docking area
>bombs going off, I'm getting shot up
>go into crit, hahaha implying .
>apples heal me up right good
>hugs took my gun whist I was down. Shoots me more. And then switches to execution shots as i go into crit again
>finally ends me
>end of it all
>"I thought you were trying to kill me"
>"no, I was trying to keep you as a pet like rin does."
Good shit. That round lasted 3 hours

.

[DemonFiren]

>like rin does
>wanting to imitate literal cancer

[Alipheese]

>like rin does
>wanting to imitate literal cancer

I can say most people would want the robustness.

[Isane]

>like rin does
>wanting to imitate literal cancer

I can say most people would want the robustness.

You're confusing "robustness" for some of the worst powergaming anyone has ever seen.

[TheColdTurtle]

Fucking hell I could not read that shit at all aliph

[MrEousTranger]

played a round after not playing for ages
I acted kind of awkwardly cuz I've been on the inside 2 long
but overall a good fun RP segment.
It was an interrogation.

Donovan Zaun says, "This guy's had a radioactive microlaser"
Kyp Astar asks, "Officer?"
Baylee Kifer says, "I was given it"
Kyp Astar asks, "Shall i interrogate?"
Donovan Zaun tries to remove Baylee Kifer's chemistry backpack.
Melanie Flowers says, "Interrogate him.."
Baylee Kifer says, "My friend gave it to me"
Melanie Flowers says, "Kel and I will watch"
Melanie Flowers puts the health analyzer into the security backpack.
Kel Thuzad says, "Wait"
Kyp Astar has grabbed Baylee Kifer passively!
Melanie Flowers tries to remove Baylee Kifer's bio suit.
Baylee Kifer says, "SInce all the others were gone"
Kel Thuzad says, "Who is your friend"
Baylee Kifer says, "Other chemist"
Kyp Astar buckles Baylee Kifer to the chair!
Kyp Astar says, "One at a time please"
Kel Thuzad says, "The CMO didnt say this guy microlasered her, though, it was someone neamed reuben..."
Baylee Kifer says, "Please let me go"
Kyp Astar says, "WHO DO YOU WORK FOR"
Kel Thuzad says, "Named, rather."
Melanie Flowers has analyzed Kel Thuzad's vitals.
Baylee Kifer says, "Ruebun gave me the analyzer"
Melanie Flowers has analyzed Melanie Flowers's vitals.
Kyp Astar says, "Rueben"
Melanie Flowers whispers, "I*&****#39** off."
Kyp Astar asks, "Really that simple?"
Kel Thuzad says, "Hmm"
Kel Thuzad says, "I dunno if I can trust that."
Baylee Kifer says, "He gave it to me since I wanted one"
Kyp Astar says, "This guys a fucking pussy"
Kel Thuzad whispers, "***l* *** ** m*** t* ** f** ****"
Baylee Kifer says, "Rueben also shot the CMO"
Kyp Astar says, "Look for this rueben fellow"
Kel Thuzad whispers, "*** *c***** l*s** **"
Melanie Flowers whispers, "**h* I****;#**** *** **** ***n*"
Kyp Astar says, "I think ive heard of him"
Kel Thuzad says, "What the fuck"
Kel Thuzad says, "Endless security"
Kel Thuzad says, "What is going on"
[Security] Melanie Flowers says, "Find this Reuben guy."
Baylee Kifer says, "Please let me go"
Kyp Astar asks, "Ruben gave you the object?"
Kel Thuzad fires the meat hook!
Baylee Kifer says, "Yes"
Kel Thuzad fires the meat hook!
Kel Thuzad fires the meat hook!
Kyp Astar says, "Where did you last see him"
Kel Thuzad has thrown the meat hook.
Melanie Flowers says, "Reuben is a chemist."
Baylee Kifer says, "In chemistry"
Kyp Astar asks, "Was he a chemist?"
Baylee Kifer says, "Yes"
Baylee Kifer says, "Please let me go"
Melanie Flowers tries to remove Baylee Kifer's bio suit.
Kyp Astar asks, "Was his last name nash?"
Melanie Flowers tries to remove Baylee Kifer's Baylee Kifer's ID Card (Chemist).
Melanie Flowers tries to remove Baylee Kifer's combat gloves.
Baylee Kifer says, "Think so"
Kel Thuzad says, "WHAO"
Kel Thuzad yells, "COMBAT GLOVES!!"
Kyp Astar says, "... let him go"
Baylee Kifer asks, "What?"
Kel Thuzad says, "THATS PRETTY ILLEGAL"
Baylee Kifer asks, "It is?"
Kyp Astar says, "OOOHOOOO"
Melanie Flowers says, "So Baylee, tell me."
Baylee Kifer says, "Some miner explored some vessel"
Melanie Flowers asks, "Where did you get your gloves?"
Melanie Flowers shows you: Baylee Kifer's ID Card (Chemist).
You are unable to equip that!
Kel Thuzad says, "God damnit this guy has all the covers"
Baylee Kifer says, "A miner gave it to me in exchange for acid"
Melanie Flowers says, "Hmmm."
Kyp Astar asks, "Drug acid or actual burning acid?"
Baylee Kifer says, "I have a beaker of acid in my backpack to prove it"
Melanie Flowers says, "I can understand having one item, but not two."
Kyp Astar says, "Cuz this sounds sketch as FUCK"
Kyp Astar asks, "Shall I be a little more violent with him?"
Baylee Kifer says, "Look in my backpack, the acid is there."
Melanie Flowers whispers, "Good cop, bad cop"
Melanie Flowers says, "Look, Baylee, we wanna get ya out of here as soon as we can."
Baylee Kifer says, "I do too"
Kel Thuzad says, "If you can manage this in 2 minutes"
Melanie Flowers says, "But you have to be truthful."
Kel Thuzad says, "Good luck"
Baylee Kifer exclaims, "HEY!"
Baylee Kifer exclaims, "Stop that!"
Kyp Astar says, "If you don't give us the info thought buddy, shits going to get real real bad"
Melanie Flowers says, "If you tell us the truth, you can get out of here before he stops."
Melanie Flowers points to Kyp Astar
Melanie Flowers says, "He might cut off a limb or two."
Baylee Kifer says, "Ok, I already told you the truth"
Baylee Kifer says, "I was given everything"
Kyp Astar says, "I have a weekly limit for amputation"
Baylee Kifer says, "MIner, and chemist"
Kyp Astar says, "I have yet to use any of them yet so I'm free to remove all limbs if I please"
Baylee Kifer says, "Miner wanted acid, and chemist wanted me dead."
Melanie Flowers says, "Well, I guess we'll keep you detained here until an officer catches the man who got you the items."
Melanie Flowers says, "Arrest Reuben for enemy of corp."

[Deitus]

the round i never expected to win in a million years:

>new round
>you are the operative!
>okay cool
>all walls and windows are spinning due to admin memery in pre-round lobby
>get named spinner
>ask boss for war
>he says no
>*sad
>wall spinning is giving me a headache
>joke about how high i am
>admins make me high in-game
>reeee
>grab basic gear from lockers, donate tc
>one dude wont donate
>three people yelling at him to donate
>one other dumbass shoots him once with the pistol
>this can only get better
>the two sax around a bit, ends with standoff outside of syndi bathroom
>boss and i gather to watch
>admin spawns in and asks who the cunt is
>before anyone can explain someone lit themselves on fire and ran into everyone else, didnt see since i was too busy running
>admin gibs the non-donator dude
>okay nice i guess
>gives us another op and then makes us cat people cuz ????????????????
>ok lets try this again
>donate tc
>...new op isnt donating
>three people yelling to donate again
>think she might be braindead, no response
>nope she just bought a pet potion and other shit
>at this point im resigned to lose, legit consider suicide but decide that it wouldn't be worth it
>boss gives me and other op the tc division
>get my usual setup (macro implant and a gun, this time a bulldog) and walk into shuttle
>grab oxygen and fill it up, then go get suit
>the now-sentient cayanne is destroying windows, tables, chairs, windoors, and even the shuttle turrets because ?????????????
>tell it to knock it the fuck off
>"sorry i was just excited"
>.
>got suit, go to fill jetpack in tank
>another op standing by it, its opened and spewing air everywhere
>dude, what the fuck
>"it wasnt me, it was you"
>my smile and optimism: gone
>just buckle up and wait
>op saying something about pincer formation
>k bud
>"so where do we la-"
>"HERE WE GO"
>shuttle takes off
>panic at first but remember pinpointer
>tell other ops who are panicking but they dont listen
>landed just outside xeno (it was metastation)
>take one step out
>"OPS OUTSIDE XENO"
>yeahdidntseethatcoming.squidward
>fly to escape
>just walk in, figure i'll meme a bit before i macro, shoot one or two people as i head in
>wait why is the pinpointer green
>cap on segway outside science main doors
>and a few greyshirts and an officer around him
>frantic clicking
>cap falls down
>officer tries to tase but i somehow dodge
>snatch the body and bugger off out of escape
>three or four people chasing me, trying to push me
>rng on my side for once, keep running
>other ops just now arriving, one has thrown a good three grenades worth of viscerators in escape
>stops most attackers
>one guy somehow makes it through and keeps trying to push me
>rng luck holds out, i get out airlock and fumble around a bit before i get my jetpack back on
>i'm going the distance, im going for speed
>get body on shuttle, call other ops back
>"DONT EVEN ARM IT YET MAN WE WANNA KILL"
>im out of faces to have for this round
>as i get the disk off the body a peacekeeper borg rolls in
>cayanne's "excitement" from earlier destroyed the nuke windoor
>fuck its gonna try and take it
>fumble with shotgun--
>"do you have any orders human?"
>wait am i still human under law one?
>play along and begin asking it to clone the captain
>states its laws as syndi set
>did one of the others do that?
>whatever it guess its nice
>gives me a few cookies which i gratefully eat up
>have it heal me a bit since i was dumb and forgot to change off combat mode for a few seconds after my airlock escape
>grab nuke
>okay borg, lets roll
>*ping
>we head over to the solars east of xeno
>start taking out c4 to breach in but borg opens it for me
>oh right, thanks borgie
>walk in to see hardsuit engineer
>OH SHIT HEoh wait braindead
>kill him just to be sure
>put nuke down and--
>whoops forgot disk on shuttle
>swoop back real quick and grab it, go activate nuke as borg offers cookies to the dead engi
>other ops were long since robusted, crew confused on how delta was reached
>fly back to shuttle, make sure and wait for borg before launching
>land back at base a few seconds before boom
>borg and i enjoy some more cookies until round end

i seriously would never EVER have though that i would win that round, it was pure luck that i didnt get shit on like usual. borg was 10/10 bro too.

[DemonFiren]

Atom smiled on this one.

[Wyzack]

I cannot say it enough, I am pretty sure Rin will stop being such a fucking tumor of a player when you lot stop feeding them the attention they crave

[Isane]

Good thing most admins and nearly all players don't think rhyming someone's name is the hottest shit since sliced bread, because I'm pretty sure they're finally perma'd.

[Wyzack]

Good thing most admins and nearly all players don't think rhyming someone's name is the hottest shit since sliced bread, because I'm pretty sure they're finally perma'd.

This is the true story of awesome

[confused rock]

who the hell is rin

[TheColdTurtle]

Someone who is hunting for (You)s but in ss13

[Alipheese]

>late night Bagil round
>wizard round
>guns
>wizard kills someone
>as Captain invite them to my office to talk about their objectives.
>call ai in
>we sit at my table and talk about what they want and stuff
>talk for awhile and he disrobes himself before me and the ai
>as he's talking
>pullout my silenced stretching and shoot him in the face over the table, killing him with the entire clip
>feels good man

who the hell is rin

Pretty much Bryce but for Bagil? I'm not a sybil man.

Good thing most admins and nearly all players don't think rhyming someone's name is the hottest shit since sliced bread, because I'm pretty sure they're finally perma'd.

This is the true story of awesome

Kinda weird since they were given the perma while they already had a current ban. Couldn't even defend themself.

Edit: dear god do I hate my phone

[DemonFiren]

Dude, don't slander the Pax.

[Alipheese]

Dude, don't slander the Pax.

I dunno who pax is personally. Just hes a famous grayshit

[Reece]

>late night Bagil round
>wizard round
>guns
>wizard kills someone
>as Captain invite them to my office to talk about their objectives.
>call ai in
>we sit at my table and talk about what they want and stuff
>talk for awhile and he disrobes himself before me and the ai
>as he's talking
>pullout my silenced stretching and shoot him in the face over the table, killing him with the entire clip
>feels good man

Literally scum.

[PKPenguin321]

yeah seriously friendly wizards should die

[Reece]

> Be HOS
> capture 'TEH GRIFFON'
> cap wants an arm.
> meme time!
> Go bladerunner, replace the traitors arms with chainsaws, implant him and track him.
> FLY MY BIRD OF PREY!
> Grieffon murders the 'traitor' clown.
> Display the body for show in my brig.
> Griffon kills two more 'traitors' before my security team gets too uneasy and captures him again.
> Sec leave him in perma. Fly free my bird of prey.
> clown bomb in bar, grieffon slaughters dozens, gets critted five times and comes back kicking each go.
> Post round: "were any of those actually tators Griefon?"
> LOL NO.

Probably gonna eat a ban for doing that then.

[PKPenguin321]

>janitor on dream
>roundstart cultist!
>get a tome from my paper and call to my brothers
>we've got a scientist making bombs like an autist, the clown, and some guys who say they're new and will lay low
>flex my muscles as i know i am about to have to carry this cult
>find the clown as he leaves the theater and chase him down since he's running from me like an autist
>clown as it turns out is fairly new too
>ask for his crayon and draw 4000 fake runes in the hallway sorta near medbay
>place a real conversion rune in the middle some place
>clown may be shit in general but he knows how to stand next to a rune and put a banana peel on the ground.
>slip and convert some assistants
>slip and convert some doctors
>slip and convert some botanists
>slip and convert some engineers
>we're now like 15~ cultists strong five minutes into the round
>HoS steps out of maint really near the rune and sees a tome on the floor from a recent convert
>slips on clown PDA, dragged onto rune and sacrificed
>sec officer steps in as this happens and primes a flashbang then runs in...
>but he runs straight on top of the rune and gets sacrificed as well
>more converts etc until the chaplain (our sacrifice target) walks in by random chance and is sacrificed
>now all we need to do is make narsie
>make juggernauts with the HoS and sec officer soul stones and shells from my paper
>scribe a teleport rune with keyword NarSie then scribe a narsie rune in the morgue in plain view from the hall
>we summon narsie before the crew can even react

so yeah tldr: crayon runes are the freshest cult meta

[IcePacks]

>spawn as headmin
>space myself so the plebians don't throw temper tantrums
>one such plebian, durkel, is attempting to play wizard, pathetic stunted creature as he is, i take pity on him
>if you do five good deeds i'll reward you thusly
>asay: just kidding i'm gonna bsa the fuck outta this chode lmao
>he starts summoning apprentices
>deadmin self and become one
>mindswap and knock
>oh god
>get to the station
>infiltrate security
>run around brutalizing the crew
>ai: I THINK SEC MIGHT BE ROGUE
>sec: shut up ai law go fuck yourself
>captain spawns
>mindswap him
>security is staffed exclusively by wizards
>kill almost everyone else on the station
>i mindswap with the ai to better assist my wizard kin and also because the ai is pure trash
>success
>

[Kel]

Best thing I witnessed in quite awhile.

>Be assistant on metastation
>Fuck around for a good 10 minutes doing nothing
>Head down the escape hallway
>See Cayenne drag a soap into the captain and slip him
>Cayenne bites him to death and drags him off into space
>Stand around dumbfounded at the legendary meme I just witnessed
>Delta Alert
>Explode

[PKPenguin321]

>adminning/observing on sybil
>captain is doing le trump gimmick
>constantly on the hunt for commies
>he orders more nukes so his station can be more America themed, I oblige
>assistants raid the vault and steal nukes left and right
>one assistant finds the disk and runs around with a nuke and the nuke disk
>suddenly nuke ops attack and the HoS dashes off to hunt down assistant with disk
>meanwhile the RD has filled the testing area of science with consoles of every kind
>captain trump is hunting for commie nuke ops
>RD radios the captain saying testing area of science is full of consoles
>captain thinks he said commies instead of consoles and commands him to blow it up
>meanwhile, not but two tiles under the testing area, the HoS has just restrained the disk-carrying assistant in maint
>RD hucks a maxcap into testing room on captains orders
>HoS and assistant are eaten by the blast, disk is left in easy to reach breached space
>ops still fuck up and fail to get it anyways

Most classic SS13 moment I've witnessed in a while

[IcePacks]

classic "captain told me to" grief

[Alipheese]

Note, Happy Birthday Mimic, again.
>Mimic's birthday
>votes to see what meme event bagil wants
>wizardy is picked
>sec, for cargo, go to cargo
>no ones a wizard?
>suddenly staves everywhere
>cargo tech gets turned into a xeno by another and murders him
>i grab the polymorph and my door staves and run off
>open doors all throughout the station to secure areas
>some dude chucks a throwing star at me
>embeded
>go to medbay storage and take it out
>monkey comes flying at the speed of light into the room
>dusts me
>somehow floor is space now
>realize a suppermatter sword named "Mimicfaux's sword" did it and he dies
>"fuck you man, you deserve it!"
>I become Scrubs, MD. cleanbot
>oh god my life is cleaning this mess of a station
>stuck to clean medbay for my entire eternal life!
>realize sword is there, go to drag it to security
>notice its breaking floors and people are dropping around me
>uhhhh the fuck?

You hear a voice in your head... Your vengance is nigh

>walk around abit looking for someone to take this damn thing

You are a traitor!
The floor smacks into MemeicFauxs Sword and rapidly flashes to ash.
Your skin feels warm.
Your current objectives:
Objective #1: They mocked you in life, a lesser janiborg they said. Now they shall know terror.
Objective #2: Hijack the shuttle to ensure no loyalist Nanotrasen crew escape alive and out of custody.

>purposefully now find everyone i can and make them feel my anger, my wrath, my cleaniness
>destroy most of escapes flooring and dodge a drone thats attacking me with lasers.
>saxing from the drones shots and he picks up the sword and dusts me
>suddenly see like 30 ghosts on me.
>end of round at centcom
>another cleanbot. my son; Cleanbot, Destroyer of worlds was there with a supermatter sword
>Poppa's proud son.

[Armhulen]

i was there for that round! i loved getting turned into a morph then immediately shot my a combat shotgun from a wizard
some real magic right there

[Deitus]

ive got two stories:

>ass-istant on meta
>fuddle around for a bit getting my greytide gear
>rig disposals to HOP office
>pop in to say hi
>pop back in every one and a while to bring him gifts since he's fairly chill
>a few urinal cakes here, some photocopied ass photos there
>i always politely say goodbye before letting myself out
>bored, generalized walking around waiting for something to happen
>wander past HOP again, see bon nuit in the office
>surely this will end well
>he starts getting beaten for whatever reason
>i must save my fellow greyshirt!
>hack in and grab him
>run off and heal him
>tells me he has a case of the suicides
>nuit no
>tells me i must become the greyshirt legend in his stead
>gives me a practice laser he was using to harass sec with
>bites his tongue off
>cry errytime
>do some general greyshirt idiocy
>drag corpse around toolboxxing it, "lasering" pursuing sec
>boxing glove punch some nerds in bar
>wait why does that guy have a taser
>get cuffed and thrown into kitchen
>as i resist out three officers rush in
>guy who tased me books it into theater
>climb over to go watch
>theater filled with yellow bolts and flashes
>an officer drops a taser in the confusion
>quickly swipe it and stand back, he either doesnt notice or is too intent on catching the guy to care
>guy books it back out, officers pursue
>go to charge taser at arrivals, figure ill slip n' cuff some people and give em swirlies
>suddenly ai screaming for awwperatives
>happening
>see cap running by, follow him to help with stolen taser in hand
>he heads into armory as ai is saying its bombed
>grab some bulletproofs and a riot shotty, load that shit with lethal shells
>full powergame activate
>patrol the station
>wind up in engineering
>see 3 ops in elite hardsuits in airlock
>fffffffffffuck
>try to run back but engi door has shut behind me
>too scared to drop guns to try to hack out
>lawyer walks by, tell him to go get sec since i cant call over comms due to ai bomb
>ops walk in
>FFFFFFFFFFFFUCK
>rapid fire my taser
>through some miracle of the universe i hit all 3
>point blank shotty two of them, could have done quicker but i wasn't in hotkey mode so i had to click
>two get back up, again somehow tase both of them with the final two shots in my taser
>finish off one as sec barges into engi
>op explodes in my face and i die as the last op is dragged out and point blank lasered while still stunned
>am an real hero in deadchat
>get called jojo
>admin-senpais notice me and spawn a trophy next to my corpse
>feelsgoodman

too bad i used up all my luck for the rest of forever on that one encounter, im unrobust as shit and that was pure luck

>next round
>still ass
>still meta
>grab gear again
>helping other greyshirts get gloves and shit when wizard named Dungeon Master spawns in
>ready to fulfill my deep ♂ dark ♂ fantasy ♂
>"COME TO THE LIBRARY FOR DUNGEONS AND ASH DRAKES"
>that works too
>scoot over to library where sure enough the wiz is waiting
>isnt just murderboning, neat
>a few other show up
>dm tells us to make character sheets, but if we die in the game we die in "real life"
>we all agree
>we start our character sheets
>i am Borgo Harman, the malf borg that now works as a mercenary
>other 3 are telepath, swordsman, and Anton, who decides to be a bard
>dm approves
>admins apparently watching us, spawns us some gear
>i get a borg suit that makes me look like a real borg, Anton gets instruments, others get their shit too
>let the games begin
>dm tells us we are hired by and old man who wants us to get to his old mansion through a road with a bunch of bandits to get a candle of some sort
>"you each start with 500 gold from the old man and--"
>"I ROLL TO SEDUCE THE OLD MAN"
>anton what the fuck man
>he's already rolling
>rolls a 3
>old man slaps him for being a fucking ugly shit and docks his initial pay
>we set out to the shop to grab some gear before heading out
>i grab some repair kits after failing to haggle, no weapons needed as malf borgs fight with their FISTS
>anton tries to seduce the shopkeep
>rolls a 4
>shopkeep kicks him out after calling the guards
>anton tries to seduce the guards
>rolls a motherfucking one
>anton seriously what the fuck man
>guards punch him and kick the group out of the village for being so fucking ugly
>welp
>let the journey begin
>no sooner than we cross a hill than we are beset by bandits
>roll to punch them in the nuts, which i do
>they're winded
>others get some hits in
>anton tries to play some music to distract them
>rolls a five
>bandits are now beating him up all at once
>he rolls to make a sexy illusion to try and distract them
>ANTON
>rolls a 5
>ANTON PLS
>the admins possess the die just so they can tell him how fucking ugly he is, also that the illusion "looks like a horny grandmother"
>nice meme
>i roll a 15 on stunning them with my malf borg arm and trying to run
>others follow suit roll to run too but roll low and trip
>shit what now
>anton to the rescue (?)
>rolls to play another distracting tune while he throws his hat to decapitate the bandits
>another fucking one
>ANTON PLS STAHP
>group losing their shit
>bandits are now doubly pissed at him and the hat has flown back to take out his arm
>anton is a fucking lost cause so we book it and leave him
>anton dies so wizard fireballs him

we would have continued but by now the station had torn itself apart due to a fake revolution so the shuttle was already gone, still a fucking ten outta ten round though. RIP anton, you talentless ugly son of a bitch.

[Xhuis]

>me
>kor was screeching at me for joking about headmin elections although I don't really play anymore
>let's fix that shit
>jump on sybil
>pre-round, aww yiss
>set my preferences to AI first, borgs second, some other stuff third
>roll AI
>d doors anyway back in it
>start living the life
>try to actually represent a cold, emotionless machine who follows laws to the letter
>"hey AI, could you let me into secure tech storage?"
>"Certainly. Access granted."
>"AI open captain's office please"
>"Granting access."
>this goes on for a while
>eventually the mime and an assistant are using the office as their crash pad
>ro(?) may, the (worst I've ever seen) captain, is not responding until I start screeching over security that there's intruders in cappy's office
>mime's chill and gets allowed to stay, but the assistant is a typical greytide
>suddenly pdas start exploding
>thinking to myself "at least it's a low-pressure round for my first time back"
>do some more stuff, mostly chill for a while
>following the captain and watching them make people upset when suddenly
>I hear an explosion at my sat
>immediately head back to core and look around
>catch a flash of a black hardsuit
>O H F U C K
>go apeshit over comms and tell the crew that there's syndies
>captain is still complaining about the mime
>only a few people listen
>use vox and they finally get it
>tcomms is blown, they're coming for me next
>they plant a bomb and run
>accept my fate
>suddenly, tim ebow, atmos tech, sprints up and grabs it
>get it just out of the satellite and sacrifices himself to save me
>ops spend the next 10 minutes trying to breach my core with minibombs and C4
>they use them all up while I distract them with turrets and liquid
>in the end they get to me
>"STATEMENT: You will not succeed."
>dead
>deadchat is like "AI NOOOOO"
>giant circle of ghosts on me
>apparently there's only three ops
>i idle around for a bit and then deadchat starts picking up
>an assistant and engineer kill ALL THREE OPS
>go back to my core
>it's inactive???
>return to corpse
>the engineer has carded me
>and he's going into the RD office
>get revived and put back into my core
>dragged to Escape, picking up the syndies' pAI on the way
>ride to victory

And that's how my first AI round in 2 years was pretty good

[Cuboos]

>be CE
> Cap wants a rage cage in the bar
> oblige
> build it for him
> Cap congrats the engie team for a good work.
> bar tender starts making drinks
> lots of drinks
> some of them are beepsky smash and neurotoxin
> get an idea
> grab a bunch of vapes
> fill them with beepsky smash and neurotoxin
> throw them into the rage cage
> point at them and tell everyone they're full of healing chems and stimulants
> they take the bait.
>start freezing and collapsing
> anyone that didn't have a vape takes advantage
> they get shocked by the cage anyway so it's not like it was a long fight
> get another idea
> get another vape
> turn up voltage
> fill it full of beepsky smash
> start puffing clouts of beepsky smash
> i'm completely frozen
> suddenly on fire
> turns out beepsky smash lights you on fire if used in vape.
> call it a feature
> on fire, can't move
> can't be seen either because stuck in the middle of a vape cloud
> someone walks into me.
> they get caught on fire
> they can't move either.
> they start calling for help
> someone else runs in to help
> they get caught on fire and stunned
> more people walk in
> they get caught on fire and stunned
> i managed to kill five people doing this.
> not an antag
> admins don't ban me.

[youvebeeninacoma]

I wasn't an antag.

> Play as clown
> "Clown help me the entire sec team is trying to kill me"
> "Okay!"
> Spend the round lighting sec officers on fire, using a single sprays from my flower. Which does virtually no damage, so they'll survive it %99.100 of the time, unless they're absolute retards. Keep in mind it literally lights you on fire for a single second.
> I ALWAYS carry around a fuel tank, at this time.
> find detective braindead
> Take his shit
> Lock him in a locker
> Snag his equipment. Gun, trenchcoat. You name it.
> Head to brig
> Guy in captains outfit asks me for help
> Says he'll give me swag if i kill this sec officer
> Pull out a gun and shoot myself in the knee. Wasn't aiming for him, anyways.
> He tries to shoot back with lethals ON. Spamming his gun as fast as possible. I know he's trying to kill me. So, I know what to do by now.
> I walk upwards
> Survive point blank explosion. Four people are on fire
> Walk up to him.
> Casually beat the shit out of him for trying to kill me
> He gets killed
> Face literally caved in by the brute force of fist from a flaming clown.
> I survived
> Lawyer survived. I had extinguished him.
> Guy in captain suit survived. (I think) he got out of the brig because of me. I also extinguished him.
> That bitch never gave me free shit.

Mess with the best, die like a fucking idiot sec officer.

*I should probably include that nobody except the sec officer, who was the farthest away from the fuel tank, was actually knocked down or even put in crit. Which is ironic. Considering everyone knows that clowns are on a thin line between harmless pranks and blocking you int a room filled with spiders.

I might as well also post this. This is one of my greatest stories from a retired username.

Spoiler:

> Be me
> I'm assistant
> Break into bridge
> Ask for pizza
> Captain chases me around a small room for two minutes, tazing me, and throwing me out.
> I abuse the AI's logic to make let me in
> AI let me in
> AI Pizza 2 law let me in
> AI Pziza let me in
> Try to hop onto the console
> Tazed, kicked out.
> I abruptly bruteforce my way in by running into HoS and just dashing in
> Go on a three minute chase inside the bridge
> Arrested
> Shout about how curropt the captain is for not ordering pizza for us.
> About to get gulagged for 1000 points.
> Abruptly. A centcomm official bluespaces in
> "I, uh.. Have an order for a Mister Pepperoni"
> "That's me!"
> I get my cuffs taken off
> Put in interrogation room with the pizza
> Open it
> Oh my god jc a bomb.mp3
> Blow up
> Entire interrogation room is missing
> The best part was that there was an actual pizza in the box.\
> My name?
> Mister Pepperoni.

Thanks admins

[Grinidod]

Spoiler:

played a round after not playing for ages
I acted kind of awkwardly cuz I've been on the inside 2 long
but overall a good fun RP segment.
It was an interrogation.

Donovan Zaun says, "This guy's had a radioactive microlaser"
Kyp Astar asks, "Officer?"
Baylee Kifer says, "I was given it"
Kyp Astar asks, "Shall i interrogate?"
Donovan Zaun tries to remove Baylee Kifer's chemistry backpack.
Melanie Flowers says, "Interrogate him.."
Baylee Kifer says, "My friend gave it to me"
Melanie Flowers says, "Kel and I will watch"
Melanie Flowers puts the health analyzer into the security backpack.
Kel Thuzad says, "Wait"
Kyp Astar has grabbed Baylee Kifer passively!
Melanie Flowers tries to remove Baylee Kifer's bio suit.
Baylee Kifer says, "SInce all the others were gone"
Kel Thuzad says, "Who is your friend"
Baylee Kifer says, "Other chemist"
Kyp Astar buckles Baylee Kifer to the chair!
Kyp Astar says, "One at a time please"
Kel Thuzad says, "The CMO didnt say this guy microlasered her, though, it was someone neamed reuben..."
Baylee Kifer says, "Please let me go"
Kyp Astar says, "WHO DO YOU WORK FOR"
Kel Thuzad says, "Named, rather."
Melanie Flowers has analyzed Kel Thuzad's vitals.
Baylee Kifer says, "Ruebun gave me the analyzer"
Melanie Flowers has analyzed Melanie Flowers's vitals.
Kyp Astar says, "Rueben"
Melanie Flowers whispers, "I*&****#39** off."
Kyp Astar asks, "Really that simple?"
Kel Thuzad says, "Hmm"
Kel Thuzad says, "I dunno if I can trust that."
Baylee Kifer says, "He gave it to me since I wanted one"
Kyp Astar says, "This guys a fucking pussy"
Kel Thuzad whispers, "***l* *** ** m*** t* ** f** ****"
Baylee Kifer says, "Rueben also shot the CMO"
Kyp Astar says, "Look for this rueben fellow"
Kel Thuzad whispers, "*** *c***** l*s** **"
Melanie Flowers whispers, "**h* I****;#**** *** **** ***n*"
Kyp Astar says, "I think ive heard of him"
Kel Thuzad says, "What the fuck"
Kel Thuzad says, "Endless security"
Kel Thuzad says, "What is going on"
[Security] Melanie Flowers says, "Find this Reuben guy."
Baylee Kifer says, "Please let me go"
Kyp Astar asks, "Ruben gave you the object?"
Kel Thuzad fires the meat hook!
Baylee Kifer says, "Yes"
Kel Thuzad fires the meat hook!
Kel Thuzad fires the meat hook!
Kyp Astar says, "Where did you last see him"
Kel Thuzad has thrown the meat hook.
Melanie Flowers says, "Reuben is a chemist."
Baylee Kifer says, "In chemistry"
Kyp Astar asks, "Was he a chemist?"
Baylee Kifer says, "Yes"
Baylee Kifer says, "Please let me go"
Melanie Flowers tries to remove Baylee Kifer's bio suit.
Kyp Astar asks, "Was his last name nash?"
Melanie Flowers tries to remove Baylee Kifer's Baylee Kifer's ID Card (Chemist).
Melanie Flowers tries to remove Baylee Kifer's combat gloves.
Baylee Kifer says, "Think so"
Kel Thuzad says, "WHAO"
Kel Thuzad yells, "COMBAT GLOVES!!"
Kyp Astar says, "... let him go"
Baylee Kifer asks, "What?"
Kel Thuzad says, "THATS PRETTY ILLEGAL"
Baylee Kifer asks, "It is?"
Kyp Astar says, "OOOHOOOO"
Melanie Flowers says, "So Baylee, tell me."
Baylee Kifer says, "Some miner explored some vessel"
Melanie Flowers asks, "Where did you get your gloves?"
Melanie Flowers shows you: Baylee Kifer's ID Card (Chemist).
You are unable to equip that!
Kel Thuzad says, "God damnit this guy has all the covers"
Baylee Kifer says, "A miner gave it to me in exchange for acid"
Melanie Flowers says, "Hmmm."
Kyp Astar asks, "Drug acid or actual burning acid?"
Baylee Kifer says, "I have a beaker of acid in my backpack to prove it"
Melanie Flowers says, "I can understand having one item, but not two."
Kyp Astar says, "Cuz this sounds sketch as FUCK"
Kyp Astar asks, "Shall I be a little more violent with him?"
Baylee Kifer says, "Look in my backpack, the acid is there."
Melanie Flowers whispers, "Good cop, bad cop"
Melanie Flowers says, "Look, Baylee, we wanna get ya out of here as soon as we can."
Baylee Kifer says, "I do too"
Kel Thuzad says, "If you can manage this in 2 minutes"
Melanie Flowers says, "But you have to be truthful."
Kel Thuzad says, "Good luck"
Baylee Kifer exclaims, "HEY!"
Baylee Kifer exclaims, "Stop that!"
Kyp Astar says, "If you don't give us the info thought buddy, shits going to get real real bad"
Melanie Flowers says, "If you tell us the truth, you can get out of here before he stops."
Melanie Flowers points to Kyp Astar
Melanie Flowers says, "He might cut off a limb or two."
Baylee Kifer says, "Ok, I already told you the truth"
Baylee Kifer says, "I was given everything"
Kyp Astar says, "I have a weekly limit for amputation"
Baylee Kifer says, "MIner, and chemist"
Kyp Astar says, "I have yet to use any of them yet so I'm free to remove all limbs if I please"
Baylee Kifer says, "Miner wanted acid, and chemist wanted me dead."
Melanie Flowers says, "Well, I guess we'll keep you detained here until an officer catches the man who got you the items."
Melanie Flowers says, "Arrest Reuben for enemy of corp."

I remember this round. I was Baylee Kifer and I had to get the hypospray. I was super unrobust, but I was somehow able to talk me way out of that.

[Alipheese]

>be captain, metastation
>check crew manifest on my pda
>no virologist
>Im still on my virology kick so go on down after snagging my stuff im supposed to.
>start making my virus
>UGUU KAWAII DESU~~~
>we are all cat people with schoolgirl uniforms on
>casually call out on common.
>"I know before it happens spooky flukie ops!"
>while later hear some doors fucking about.
>bolting and opening/closing.
>step back from the machine and pull out my disabler.
>from the breakroom busts out a fucking nukeop
>shit myself as dat disk is on me. In a remote part of the station.
>run into one of the "patient" rooms in viro, fumbling to get my hand Tele out and for the command hallway
>open portal, bullets are noped out of existence and I hop through
>run down the hall abit and scream nuke ops loudly
>run to brig
>tell them and open armory up
>notice im slow as all hell. Tell Jim Hammer to be my personal guard on me 24/7
>we gots to get to medbay now, I got a disease.
>go to medbay
>que 15 minutes of half the crew all in crit in medbay as some people fumble for the cure.
>nuke ops never show up.
>get cured
>go into Rd's office, take his teleport vest
>chilling outside showroom as i got room to move and sax
>some Engineer getting waaaaay to close to me
>baton him down
>sec team jumps on him immediately
>he goes boom.
>sweet
>an assistant start shooting at me
>teleports into showroom
>she comes in, sec hasn't reacted yet
>sax towards hop's and go back to below showroom
>shot at again and I go to library
>come out and secs beating her down
>casually chill with Jim outside the showroom untill the last nukie dies.

[Armhulen]

>catpeople

rage tears regret

[Anonmare]

>Once upon a time I was me
>Be Reinforcement OP doing a Russian gimmick
>Lodsa bodies and moist nuggets all around
>Barely enough space suits but managed to get a soft suit
>Follow up with two other OPs, take out most of engineering and pinch a sec off's gear
>Recharge his taser, find that engineering and atmos got walled off
>No biggie, steal some tools from atmosia and weld down atmos maint's wall
>Try to figure out where the disk is
>Get taunted by the HoS over the syndie comms
>I call him what he is, a disgusting capitalist pig dog
>Find the disk is in the AI Upload
>Don't have anything to really deal with that so I relay to everyone else where the disk is

>Time passes...

>Most of my team is dead, plasma is everywhere
>Managed to get lucky against the warden, tase and finish him off with my pistol
>Get bright idea
>Swap my gear with hers, slot my agent ID into her PDA after scanning it
>Re-search for the disk
>it's in the Captain's Office
>Go to tool storage and grab a mulitool
>Break-in, the cap is there
>Start pantomiming away and PDA message him that "It's totes me, I jsut took radiation and now I'm mute don't question me further please."
>He buys it, reluctantly I presume
>Leads me into the bathroom
>Take my chance, unzip my pants and whip out my stun baton
>He must have known I was gonna act as he had his shotgun pulled out
>Blast him once with his own shotgun, pop a few stechtkin rounds into him then finish him off with the welder
>After bumbling about for a minute or two (I accidentally TP'd with the Cap's handtele without the disk), finally manage to get his disk on me and find my glorious Commisar there in all there Elite hardsuit glory
>We make our way back to the syndi shuttle, the escape shuttle is leaving but we have more time than they do
>Hand my Commisar the disk and nuke and give them God's speed as they jetpack down and set the nuke
>Escape the blast radius just as the nuke goes off
>Major Syndicate Victroy.
>Greentext

[Deitus]

>get tator
>ask for memes
>"the meme economy has left us pretty poor m8"
>well then you got any rare pepes you're saving up?
>become pepe frog
>6600% hp
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>crew steps on me over and over
>HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
>end up over by HOP office
>ian barks at me
>nigga did you just
>ventcrawl in and beat his shit
>HOP is not pleased, attempts to beat me
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>ventcrawl out and smash his windows/doors/consoles for daring to displease pepe
>HOP now has a bounty on my head
>get insanely triggered
>wrek the station but leave people alone
>sec using lasers and syndi shots trying to take me down
>you cannot contain pepes rage you silly mortals
>continue saxxing around station
>they start welding vents
>fug, but oh wait shuttle is here
>*flip and ree my way to centcomm while entire shuttle tries to fuck me up

do NOT fuck with pepe, normies.

also
>another round
>tator again
>hey admins can i tr--
>"fine whatever what do you want"
>concentrate to think up the dankest memes i can
>how about i be the oh shit im sorry guy?
>"huh?"
>just make me able to jaunt and ill just run around behind people and meme pushing gaywards
>"fine"
>become OhShitImSorry Talist
>prepare to meme crew
>oh wait other tators were shitters with bombs and ebows
>few crew left
>also get repulse
>admins play pushing gaywards midis
>when i teleport it plays "it gets bigger when i pull on it" audio
>repulse says "oh shit im sorry" audio
>well memed
>meme around with surviving crew, heal a few up
>sec officer det and greyshirt see me and valid me down
>try to escape but eventually they have me in the brig
>welp im done
>suddenly get new spell
>forget name but something along the lines of "wizard's sec wrath"
>clicky clicky
>6 ED bots spawn
>wew
>shoot fucking lasers and cuff the hunters
>WEW
>as they get memed i escape
>eventaully try to come back but the ed bots are hostile to me too and laser me, so cant help em
>wander around more but there's barely anyone left
>decide to go see what the ai is up to
>jaunt into its core
>hey fam whats up
>"uhh hi"
>chill for a while and quote pushing gaywards
>wait a sec
>remember medborg was hitting people earlier, wrote it off as them taking care of tators maybe
>have intellicard i picked up earlier
>hey ai im just gonna--
>yep its one human'd
>put it back cuz i dont wanna ruin someone's tator round with my memery
>medborg comes in and saws me to death
>feelsbadman

and finally

>pubbystation
>monday nights are for working on homework while also watching ss13
>new round
>SUICIDE HOPLINE
>make my way to hopline but suddenly explode
>what the fuck
>ask admins
>"what were you not really gonna suicide?"
>its not suicide hopline unless you're in the hopline dummy
>they spawn me
>gib me one more time for laughs but respawn me again
>properly suicide hopline now
>a few others have too
>tell admins they should spawn a shitton of my corpses and blow them, then say its something wrong with a cloner
>"that gives me an idea"
>sinkingfeeling.txt
>admins spawn me on centcomm shuttle
>fill it with clones of me
>i get control of one
>what am i even supposed to do
>walk around a bit, accidentally open shuttle door
>fuck fuck fuck close it
>too late atmos is gone already
>centcomm message saying that their cloner broke and now they have too many Jonathan Talists that they need killed asap
>tell me to survive as die of oxygen deprivation, along with all my clones
>well fuck me sideways
>"god fucking damnit deitus"
>make a followup announcement that all the crew sure got rid of them quick and the bodies still need to be disposed of
>they spawn a bunch more
>AI and crew all pitching in to dispose of the corpses, but many get bored and walk out
>AI starts requiring all new arrivals to dispose of at least one Jonathan Talist before they can enter the station
>eventually someone just bombs the shuttle and takes them all out

oh yeah there were nuke ops that round too.

i have a sudden urge to play viscera cleanup detail

[Armhulen]

>chef
>clown helps me make laughing packets
>put into all my food, anyone who eats my food gets a good chuckle
>clown is arrested, I drag him away
>the BOTANIST RATS ME
>escape brig by taunting security into opening the doors
>plastic surgery
>become head of security
is this how it works?

[PKPenguin321]

>become OhShitImSorry Talist

honestly one of the funniest gimmicks ive seen in ages, i was rolling every time you used a spell

[Deitus]

>become OhShitImSorry Talist

honestly one of the funniest gimmicks ive seen in ages, i was rolling every time you used a spell

agreed, you guys really made the magic happen there. hoping i can do it again on a round thats not filled with murderbone

[calzilla1]

>become OhShitImSorry Talist

honestly one of the funniest gimmicks ive seen in ages, i was rolling every time you used a spell

agreed, you guys really made the magic happen there. hoping i can do it again on a round thats not filled with murderbone

Mediborg here. Sorry that i killed your meme

[Deitus]

>become OhShitImSorry Talist

honestly one of the funniest gimmicks ive seen in ages, i was rolling every time you used a spell

agreed, you guys really made the magic happen there. hoping i can do it again on a round thats not filled with murderbone

Mediborg here. Sorry that i killed your meme

not your fault, just following laws.

[MimicFaux]

This happened last night, but still makes me happy.
I hopped online, and snapped to observing. Watch assistants fry themselves trying to learn wires, security arresting the clown, and maybe some light administration work too.
Pretty quickly a request comes in from the AI to be renamed 'Botanicals garden' or something. Harmless request even if I misunderstood what they were asking about initially. Boom. Renamed AI. Mimic for bestmin.

[Would you like to be Cayenne? Y/N]

Oh snap! I hadn't realized it was nuke ops. I click yes and throw my raffle ticket in with the rest of the ghosts.
I ghost about the station watching people go about their shift wen suddenly.

Cayenne's Memories:
Nuclear code: 90589

Objective #1: destroy the station with a nuclear device.

Cayenne: glub glub what's the plan operatives?

I'm made a bunch of fish puns and swam around the syndie base while they plotted.
Everyone is given their equipment and their job, and I give some advice for breaking into the AI satellite.
I'm given a bar of soap and told to slip people and eat them. Everyone loads onto the Infiltrator and we take off. I sit on top of my soap to minimize team-slipping but my fellow flukies manage to anyway. We park on the south side of the station and I ask if there is anything I should be doing. No answer. We all head out the airlock, the last guy out tries to rush past me and slips on the soap, his emac and gun sailing out the airlock. Off to a great start.

I decide to make a bunch of breaches around the station, making moving around harder. I swim over to escape... and it's already breached. Someone had dismantled the window. Neat! Moving on. This was on meta station so Virology is isolated. I smash through the bridge on my way to arrivals and see there is a virologist working. I break through the windows and send them into a panic. No better time to practise my carp-combat than on a lone target! They slip on the soap, and fumble with their radio calling for help. They make a break for the door but my earlier smashing left the area cold and airless. Easy picking for me to finish off. Airlocks are open in arrivals so I swim inside. 'I know, some simple mobs (like blobbernauts) have inherent night vision, I'll smash the lights!' About five lights in I realize carps don't have this. Drat. Disappoint is soon turned to excitement when I recognize a blue and yellow jumpsuit. The captain! The disk!
I swim over to them and start gnawing at their ankles. I get two bites in before they realize they are under attack and dart away. I give hungry chase, always circling around trying to keep the soap between us. The first slip happened unexpectedly and I was still moving away from them. So I only got a few free attacks in. Now the rapier comes out and I'm now playing defensively. A normal carp is pretty weak, dying to a lit welder in two hits. I don't know how durable Cayenne is and don't feel like testing that before being made into a fillet. I'm less aggressive but still circling. They lunge forward and I dodge putting the soap between us. Jackpot!
I start viciously chomping on the prone captain when a half naked spessman emerges from the shadows and scoops up the captain and sword in one motion running off down the hall. I follow them into a crowd. There's a security officer an assistant wearing a traffic cone, and most worryingly, an engie borg. Durable, quick, and full of painful tools and an obligation to protect humans. The Borg tries to clobber me but ends up spraying a fire extinguisher letting me know what they have equipped. I've decided is too risky and flee. I can't slip the Borg, and am likely to die before killing it. It was a little nerve wracking, but I manage to lose them.

I have no idea what became of my fellow operatives at this point other than that they are mostly/all dead. I dart into the library for somewhere quiet to think but the captain, now alone sees me and gives chase! *slip*
Separated from their entourage and with no Borg nearby, I bite viciously into them, teeth deflected mostly by their armour. They stagger into the hallway crying for help, before I pounce from behind and drag them to the floor. Now presumably in crit I ditch the soap and stage the captain heading for arrivals and freedom. The engie Borg shows up at that point and I flee from the scene biting wildly at my captive. I'm running on pure adrenaline and before I know it I'm back in space. Captain in tow. No pursuers. Aaaaaaa! I did it!

I went back to the ship, and smashed my way into the interior. I don't have thumbs to get the disk into the nuke. Fuck! I pray to admins that I got the disk and need help.
[You hear a voice in your head...'Oh shit!'] The admins had been watching the other nukies fluke, and had missed the fact that the 4TC investment of a sentience potion had succeeded where everyone else had failed.
The humanized me which quickly turned into a problem as I was gasping and freezing to death, and being shot at by the turrets. The governing admins gave me a syndie suit which protected me and made the turrets see as me as friendly.

Something to keep in mind, is that the server was undergoing massive lag spikes by this time. Every step was agonizingly slow. I'm bleeding, deep 'orange health' from being shot, and the station is in code red. I decide to ignore healing and plant the nuke ASAP, and use a medipen if I hit near crit. I get to the toxins launch site. Nothing on me but an e-gun the captain had. I set it to lethal and shoot the window. I then spend the next two minutes hammering on the grille because lag. Finally, I drag the nuke in, and arm it.
905*lag*9 enter. Nowaitfuck!
ERROR
9...0...5...8...9

So I arm it, and give myself what I thought was plenty of time. Two minutes. What a harrowing 'two minutes'. The server was lagging so hard I had no idea if I'd even get in sight of the ship before the klaxon went off. I get inside. Injured, i limp to the cockpit. Open the windoor, and fucking space wind! I'm fighting against it, increasingly panicked over my mere two minute timer. But once I'm past the door the server calms down, and I'm able to hobble to the cockpit. Collapsing in the chair, I breath a sigh of relief and punch in the coordinates for home. Major Syndicate Victory, because of a goddamn fish. I posted pictures of this adventure in the screenshots thread. OOC chat was going nuts, it was great.

[onleavedontatme]

<Shadowlight213> someone called the asteroid shuttle....and it landed right on the blob core and killed it

[Armhulen]

<Shadowlight213> someone called the asteroid shuttle....and it landed right on the blob core and killed it

"That's what I thought when I saw the asteroids"

"same tbh"

[MimicFaux]

[center]A tomato to surpass Metal Gear[/center]

Objective #1: Get dat fukken disk!
Objective #2: Escape!

Drop into the round as a humble botanist, and already dreams of killer tomatoes and kudzu are all I can think of. I wave hello to my fellow botanist and head to the dorms to get dressed fancy. I buy a a syndicate encryption key (2tc) and toss out a greeting. Who knows, maybe I'll have an ally with the AI. To my surprise, two other traitors pipe up immediately and we quickly exchange plans on what the other needs accomplished. Although, looking back, I was the only one to actually divulge objectives. Cool, Anton Slavik (assistant), and Connie Melton (bartender) have joined the party! Dressed for success, and with some tools in tow, I head back to botany to hack the vendors. After a couple tries (and a few singed hairs) I get our production rolling with contraband items. Suzuha, the other botanist already has our mutagen blumpkin supply on lock down, so I get a start on some other plants. Namely tomatoes and white beets to help with eventual kudzu production. Tomatoes ripen, and security catches a chemist traitor with an emag. I chuckle to myself and harvest... holy shit, 94 potency on the first try. Once science hits their peak, we'll have near maxed of anything we could want. Namely killer tomatoes and kudzu :^)

Some time passes and I hear that Security managed to catch the bartender (Connie) spacing a body, and at the time, I didn't know/catch the name of who the victim was. I quickly call out over the radio that I'll rescue them from the brig before they took her headset. As an afterthought I also call out that the channel was likely compromised. It seemed to work, as no one used it afterwards. I excuse myself from Suzuha's company and head to arrivals where I buy a syndie soft suit for myself and a second one for Connie. (Now 10tc spent) Skirting along the edge of the station I fight off some carp and find poor Anton dead by the cargo solar arrays. I whisper to him that I'll come back to recover his body. Serving the double purpose of seeming like the saddened friend speaking to the departed, and alerting ghosts to what I was saying hopefully getting his attention. The AI then mentions security dragging Connie to a room without cameras. Uh oh. I hurry along to the brig and buy a pair of thermals (14tc) Sure enough, the HoS, Connie, and a couple others were in the execution chamber. I begin to formulate a plan on how to best recover the body, maybe an X4 charge? Or perhaps snatch the body out from space if they eject it from the room. My concerns get simplified when the AI sends their engieborg to supervise and security relents to keeping Connie in Permabrig. Cool. I can work with this. I get a bit nervous when Suhuza asks the AI to locate me over the service radio channel. Realizing I'd been gone for a long time, I assure her I'm safe and sound. I dart around to the far side of the brig and start hacking my way in near the security escape pod, and making a falsewall in the side of the room. (to minimize my time near a camera the AI could see me). Connie sees the wall start to come apart and lingers near. I finish the wall just as something gets her attention. Thanks to the thermals I see the captain approaching and I quickly close the hole before he can see it. I wait patiently in the dark, watching the two of them, waiting for the captain to leave. Connie then darts forward and throws the first punch, attempting to knock the captain over! They begin circling and trading blows in the usual spessman fashion when the captain pulls out his e-gun. His first shot goes wide before Connie closes the gap and disarms the cap of his weapon! Switching to lethals she begins to pepper the captain with laser fire as he beats a hasty retreat back to the brig. Seeing my opportunity I open the falsewall and call out to her in my best Arnold impersonation, "Come with me if you want to live!" She vaults onto the table, and I haul her through the hole and close it behind us. Tossing her the spare space suit and a set of internals, I open the way back out to space, wishing them good luck.

Looking back, this was probably the closest I came to everything falling apart. The fact that she went right, and I went left (back to Anton) probably shaped a LOT of the events to follow. By now, word of the prison break has gotten out, and the AI has spotted us in space. Deciding not to take the obvious re-entry point of arrivals, I head a little lower to the maint entrance above the old bar. Once inside, I stash my space suit, preferring to keep as little traitor gear on me as possible. It would be bad enough hauling a dead body. Just as I'm getting myself ready to go, a lizard assistant (thank you thermals!) stops just outside the door and begins tinkering with a wall. Thinking of something to say, I force the door open and before I can get a word out, the lizard gets one look at the body and takes off! Good survival instincts buddy. A lesser tator would have ebowed and sworded you on the spot. Deciding my time was limited now, I book it to medbay. As luck would have it I come out of maintenance just next to the self same lizard exasperatingly retelling what he saw to the detective. I smash out a hurried 'I found him dead in space, and taking him to medbay'. Truth, just not the entire truth. Fortunately the lizard is placated by this with a simple, 'oh ok' and the detective doesn't give it a second thought and I'm free to go. A doctor is waiting by the lobby, so Anton is quickly taken to cloning. I hang around to make sure he's taken care of properly. The doctor begins to undress him and tosses him into the machine. I hold my breath, hoping that my earlier whispering had gotten Anton's attention and he hadn't logged out. With no small amount of relief I exhale once the cloning pod lights up and begins reconstituting my friend. The doctor hauls the naked, and now useless corpse back to the morgue. I get an uneasy feeling and and run to the pile of stuff left on the ground. I look in the bag and... shit. FULL of syndicate gear. unboxed space suit, minibombs, nuke core, the works. Working quickly I dump the entire contents into my own satchel as the doctor comes back, asking what I was doing hanging around. "Just want to make sure he's taken care of properly" I reply, trying to not sound like I had ulterior motives. Shrugging, the doctor checks my vitals and sees I'm still singed from my earlier run in with the botany vending machine. He drops me into the sleeper and tops me off. I thank him for his time and go back to watching my friend finish cloning. Nervous now with a backpack full of illicit goods, I try to think ahead to how we can get out of here ASAP. He'll be healthy, but have brain damage. I start to hack into the adjoining geneticist room for their mannitol pills. An agitated CMO steps away from the computer and asks me promptly what the hell I was doing. Berating myself silently for not double checking anyone was nearby, I meekly explain I was trying to get my friend some mannitol. The CMO stares at me suspiciously before informing me the cryo tubes are already set up for that and to fuck off with the hacking. I quickly agree and thank them for their time. Making myself look useful, I start tossing Anton's belongings from the corner of the room next to the cloning pod where he'll pop out. Backpack, gloves, belt. PDA. suspicious beac-fuuuu!! Both his pockets had more syndicate equipment that I'd missed previously and were now out in the open. Having no more room in my own backpack, I quickly dump out my pockets to the floor and quietly and quickly stuff both beacons into my pockets to avoid any tell-tale texts the CMO might notice. Either they were busy with their PDA, looking up something out of game, or just plain didn't notice, I was able to pocket everything without compromising my identity. Anton comes out of the cloning pod as most spacemen do. Gibbering and yelling about their killer.

At this point I clue in that Connie had Anton here as an objective. Well, no going back now. Anton gets redressed and I bring him to cryo where he starts the last leg of his healing process. The captain walks brazenly into medbay and stops in front of me. My heart freezes, was I busted? Did I leave any fibers anywhere? It'd be impossible to miss the enormous amount of syndicate equipment on my person right now. I hold my breath and prepare to yakkity sax if I see the taser come out. "Any of you boys want to play russian roullette?" I exhale, and try to explain that I don't want to play, and maybe he should ask the clown if they w-- *BANG* The captain shoots themself in the chest. A scientist wanders in and upgrades everything in a spray of blue-space and leaves. My mind starts reeling with the possibilities now. Captain is alone, severely injured, and has by all chances the disk. Anton comes out of the cyro tube laughing, explaining to the captain that the RIGHT way to play russian roulette is aim for the head. He then wanders next to me, and nudges me, "Hey Hadrian, how about we go finish that botany project eh?" He wants his stuff back, and I want to give it to him, but this opportunity is too good to pass up. Maybe I can buy a cheap weapon to finish him off. I wanted an emag, but again, this opportunity is fucking RIPE. Maybe a energy pen? It's lackluster, but better than nothing, and he IS pretty beat up. The captain starts to limp towards cryo when the idea comes to me. I regain my composure as the plan begins to form. "No no no Sir~ You're only shot, nothing particularly complicated with your injuries. The sleeper is much more efficient and faster for your injuries." Which is true, but the captain was alone, and no one to double check what I was injecting him with. The captain agrees, or at least lets me put him into the sleeper without complaint. With the sleeper upgraded, this is much easier.
75 units of morphine, and a little bit of bicardine to buy me some time while he sees that he is 'healing'. Anton catches on to my plan and lingers while I start hacking the nearby maintenance door and bolt it open. I monitor the captain's vitals waiting for him to fall asleep. The doctor comes by and sees us around the sleeper, and checks it. Lizard Doc: "HOLY SHIT!!!" Not wasting anytime I glance at the vitals sign and see that the captain is unconscious, without any explanation I pop the lid of the sleeper and abduct the captain into maintenance at full speed, bringing no light and using the thermals to guide me. I duck into a side room and close the door and begin strangling the captain. My backpack beeps, and I can only bet it's Anton asking where I went. I fish it out and tell him I'm in maint, and soon see him approach. I wave him into the room and shut the door. The strip the captain of his headset and suit sensors and finish the job. Still working on an adrenaline high, I step back and finally relax.
Hadrian dusts himself off. "Huh, didn't even get any blood on my suit."
We divvy up the captain's belongings and I return the equipment to Anton, grateful to be rid of it. Keeping the disk, pinpointer, and spare ID for myself. Anton has some trouble finding his equipment in the dark, and I remember I'm the one with thermals, so I drag him over top the pile of his things. I mull things over now. I have what I need now, and my mission is complete. Far as I care, Connie is freed from perma, and Anton gets his second chance. Still... there is something to be said for style points. I tell Anton to hold still, as I have a parting gift for him. I purchase a mulligan (18tc) and inject him with it. He's grinning from ear to ear as I tell him to ditch his ID and continue with his mission. We RP a little bit before heading our separate ways.

At long last, double checking myself to make sure I wasn't tracking any blood anywhere I return to botany and greet Suhuza, telling them that I'd been off having adventures. Every tray in botany is glowing with Gaia-infusion and several mutated plants adorn the pots. She smiles and says that she'd had her own adventures, although probably they were tamer in comparison. We continue to grow plants and make cool things. My tomatoes turn into Killer Tomatoes on the first mutation and I'm pleased as can be. A little while later security is shouting at how someone had stolen the nuke core and I smile to myself with a quiet 'Way to go Anton' and continue to water my beastly plants. At this point the shuttle is called and we find out that it's the luxury shuttle. I briefly check my wallet. Yup. 500 credits. I've already got my ticket. Sadly the shuttle arrives before my ginormous tomatoes ripen, but I leave content in the knowledge that the potential was there.
I board the shuttle and take a seat. It's fucking gorgeous in here. Glancing to back end of the shuttle, I see with my thermals everyone else clustered in 'coach'. The portion you can board if you don't have the dosh. There's an angry dwarf hulk in there punching people and everyone is crowded and grumpy. I chuckle and enjoy some pumpkin pie. An atmos tech cracks a cigarette pack beside me and offers me one. Syndie smokes. I thank him and light up. As the shuttle approaches Central Command, I double check I have the disk, and smile as I pull a nice big bowl of valid salad towards me.

Spoiler:

[francinum]

Full 5-man nuketeam, 74 pop server, 15 minutes.

[DemonFiren]

>not saving Cayenne
You failed.

[MimicFaux]

>not saving Cayenne
You failed.

What he fails to mention is how Cayenne went down defending the nuke, gnashing at NT forces to buy his comrades time to escape with the disk. "Glub on without me! I'll fin them off."

[DemonFiren]

>his
And failed even harder.

[MrAlphonzo]

>Roll new cops
>Elite hardsuit, double bladed autism sword, tons of stetch ammo and a GLORIOUS GERMAN FLAMENWERFER
>Other agents take forever
>Finally dock
>"Make sure you don't shoot that flamethrower at us."
>BURN IT ALL
>B U R N I T A L L
>Separate from the other three ops so I can torch the crew
>Torch the crew
>A clown limps to the other three ops, on fire, and dying
>Meanwhile, I shoot the detective and steal their gun.
>Go back
>All of the ops are dead
>Defeated by a dead, flaming clown
>They kept walking over his body
>They didn't get elite suits
>Three specially trained operatives were outplayed by a dead clown
>Even in death, he still HONKS
>Go to brig
>Emag shit, cut lights, so I can get the jump on them
>HoP and HoS are in the infirmary
>Pull out the det's gun
>Look at them squirm
>HoS tries to get a taser shot off
>Bitch please
>Double autism sword them to death, take that fukken disk, try to arm the nuke for the first time, admins screaming at me that I'm doing it wrong
>Arm it
>Take that fukken disk
>Run nigga run

I will never let those operatives forget the day they were outplayed by a dead clown.

[confused rock]

Full 5-man nuketeam, 74 pop server, 15 minutes.

>pascal dies
thats the real great story here
seriously though, its sad that nowadays that is an extreme achievement

[IcePacks]

>play plasmeme
>you are the chemist
>and a revhead
>kill the cmo, the captain, and allen "faggot" guess
>know exactly what i'm going to do
>grab both syringe guns
>load one with 15u potassium
>load another 15u water
>find the cmo
>shoot him with both
>he has an explosive outburst
>hide the body, despite the efforts of my "allies"
>fill my syringe guns again
>find the captain
>shoot him with both guns
>he bursts with excitement
>space the corpse after looting the id
>use the captain's id to go on the bridge
>find allen "faggot" guess
>shoot him with both syringes
>he explodes but doesn't die instantly
>this combo blows
>wake up (the explosion knocked me out)
>walk up to the captain's case
>start hitting it with a crowbar
>subtlemessage: just kill him
>ignore it
>break the case with the chain of command
>shoot him, execution style
>i was the only revhead