Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

[Wyzack]

Bottom post of the previous page:

Jesus fuck, could a Pax captain round end any other way?

[onleavedontatme]

Jesus fuck, could a Pax captain round end any other way?

Pax stories are my favorite.

[Armhulen]

Jesus fuck, could a Pax captain round end any other way?

Pax stories are my favorite.

This. I feel like Pax is a necessary evil

[IcePacks]

Jesus fuck, could a Pax captain round end any other way?

elements of an ordinary captain pax round:
feud with one (or more) of the heads; usually the hop who is giving himself all-access and running around not managing station personnel
said feud somehow segueing into a firefight
lotsa casualties stemming from security getting involved in said fight instead of doing productive things, like leaving the brig and maintaining order on the station
i get arrested
lots of announcements


elements of an extremely unusual round:
the shuttle exploding (killing everyone) before literally crashing into the station (killing more people)

[tedward1337]

>roll CE
>metastation
>ohfuck.jpg
>Start dicking around in my office, grab some supplies.
>AI starts PRANKS
>P A N I C
>Hear bombs going off in bridge
>Rally my team of engineers and suit up
>start fixing holes, restoring the power and atmos pipes
>random sec officer comes by and tries to disable me
>u_wot m8
>disarm him after I took a few hits
>He drops his gun and riot shield
>fellow engineers start joining in
>Start beating shitsec in with the riot shield
>Stop right after to avoid killing the bastard
>He finally says "I was told to be you in for questioning:
>"Fucking say so next time nigger"
>Walk towards medbay trying to drag this bleeding officer too
>He refuses it, tries to zipcuff me in the process
>Run into the HoS
>see he has implants out
>Ohshitthismakessensenow
>Remove my hardsuit and get implanted
>Shit sec still trying to cuff me
>Push him away, HoS tells him to fuck off
>go back to building site, and walk toward HoP's office and bridge to check for more damage.
>Fucking traitor in a blood red hardsuit + esword
>ohfuckno
>grab my telescopic baton
>He swaps to a stunbaton
> He hits first but my riot shield blocks his unrobust ass
>I telebaton him and grab the stunrod. Hit him a few times with it
>Start beating his face in, grab the esword and stick him a bit.
>Leave him to the on looking assistants, tell them they can have his loot
>shuttle arrives everyone gets inside
>I tell the HoS my tale of the traitor I busted
>Doesn't hear me/Doesn't care
>Shuttle about to dock I pull my esword out
>OhshitHoSno
>batons me down
>about to throw my shit out of airlock
>William speaks up and regales the tale
>shit thanks b r o
>shuttle docked and redtexted the shit out of the traitor

[MrEousTranger]

> Cap for the 3rd time ever
> Name Adolf Geobils
> be racist to liggers and gas bags
> gas someone
> everyones scared
> suprisingly peaceful
> go check on HoP
> Nevermind
> HoPs been fucking mauled by some greytiding shit stains
> Somehow in the middle of it all
> Ian le puppy is still alive
> grab Ian le puppy and make a station announcement
Captain Announcement
Hi this is your captain, if any of you assistants FUCKING TOUCH IAN YOU WILL BE EXECUTED

> not pmed by admins so I assume its ok
> Tell HoS I'm moving ian to his escape pod
> Exit captains room with ian
> walk towards sec
> I notice we have a tail (no pun intended)
> fucking faggot assistant runs up behind and snags Ian
> *TRIGGERED*
> chase asshitstant
> hunt down assistant
> find her at escape
> Valid her into near crit
> she opens airlock
> flings Ian out before I can grab him
> Taze
> Hatchet her head off
> go back to office
> Pray to adminbus
> time passes I admire the assistants head now sitting on my table
> still sad
> have to call shuttle for some shit or another
> visit escape to mourn the loss of our greatest friend
you hear a voice in you head...
"your welcome"
> A drone named " Drone the Savior" comes flying in from space dragging...
> Ian the Survivor
> I grab Ian and tell the drone to follow me
> we go to Security escape cuz fuck public transportation
> HoS and I pet Ian happily
> Then I give the drone a medal of honor for saving our beloved dog

true story.png (31.05 KiB) Viewed 19017 times

[peoplearestrange]

Ian is best pet meme needs to be brought back. I would have given the thumbs up for that for sure.

[Armhulen]

cool story, but holy shit

> Valid her into near crit
> she opens airlock
> flings Ian out before I can grab him
> Taze
> Hatchet her head off
> go back to office
> Pray to adminbus
> time passes I admire the assistants head now sitting on my table

[Cayce]

>You are a miner.
>You are a traitor.
>Kill some assistant.

>Get EMP implant to break radio headsets, get emag, get a stetchkin.
>Enter the halls.
>Four security swarm me with zero provocation.
>Someone set me arrest.
>No crimes committed yet, but someone put 'murderer' in my wanted reason.

>I say I hadn't hurt anyone, the officer who has me believes me.
>Warden and HOP are discussing executing me.
>HOP draws a gun and heads for my cell.

>ASS BLAST EMP TIME
>I mass-spam EMP implant, sapping guns, opening doors, killing lights, disabling computers.
>Cell door opens. I walk out, each time security tries to shoot me, I sap their guns.
>HOP furious. Warden furious.
Me: If you want to execute me, you're going to have to beat me to death. You man enough?
>They aren't.

>After 15 minutes of this, them trying to handle the situation, they grab me, and cuff me to a bed in permabrig.
>Resist out, cuffs off.
>Arresting officer says he believes that I was defending myself/didn't kill anyone, will let me go.
>I wait, peacefully.
>Warden shows up, I asked about being released, he says it isn't going to happen.
>EMPStravaganza.
>Shock warden into red on his own brig doors.
>EMP my way out of security, past three officers and the HOP.
>Exit into the halls, orange jumpsuit, none of my gear.
>Security wasn't man enough to deal with a 2 TC implant, or to beat me to death.



>Two rounds later:
>You are the traitor.
>Kill the HOP.
>Only take EMP implant.
>Wander entire station mass-EMPing every .5 seconds with no limit.

>Nerf EMP implant.

[Zilenan91]

Is the EMP implant really infinite? I thought it has a max amount of uses at one point.

[Wyzack]

Wait what? I thought the EMP implant had like 3-4 uses in it, like adrenals

[Cayce]

It is infinite.

[12:07:57 PM] Cuboos: Wait
[12:08:03 PM] Cuboos: the EMP implant has unlimited uses?
[12:08:26 PM] Cayce: Yes
[12:08:29 PM] Cayce: It does
[12:08:33 PM] Cuboos: i feel like an idiot
[12:08:47 PM] Cayce: I literally clicked it three thousand times last night.
[12:08:52 PM] Cuboos: i thought it only had one use, i used it once and never used it again
[12:08:56 PM] Cayce: My left arm hurts from clicking it so many times.

[Zilenan91]

I'm pretty sure that's not intended or it was snuck through in a stealth change because infinite EMPs sounds broken as hell.

[Cayce]

Maybe bugged, or something a coder slipped in?

[One Seven One]

>Be Ghost
>See Ashwalker eggs
>The nest is RIGHT on the divide for the lava lake
>Spawn in and don the warchief helmet
>Only one other Ashwalker
>He goes to dig east and I go to dig south
>He comes by my tunnel and asks to help deal with a watcher
>Dam watchers
>Make a lot of progress on both tunnels before the first storm
>Another ashwalker pops
>When the storm ends they both head east and I head south
>One comes down and claims they saw humans
>Dam humans
>Second storm hits before I could see them
>They tell me of their first encounter
>Claim no one attacked but tensions were high
>They're afraid they might attack our home
>We attempt to awaken our two eggs to no avail
>I suggest to finish the tunnel then attack them from behind but it may leave the nest unprotected
>Worse come to worse we will use hit and run tactics to kill them one by one
>They like the idea and guard the eastern tunnel as I attempt to finish
>One comes by and says the humans have returned
>I draw my spear and follow him
>In our tunnels we find a chaplain, an engineer in a hardsuit, and a miner
>Three to our three
>My loyal walkers tell them leave, we want them off the planet for good
>One of the enemies devised the most horrible idea of all
>He throws a donkpocket at us
>We swarm the stange object
>"It looks nothing like a pocket!" Yells one of the ashwalkers
>"Maybe it's poisoned!" I claim
>We don't notice the chaplain sneaking up on us
>He whips out a stunprod and smacks one of my walkers!
>I ain't havin that shit
>I attack him with my spear, hoping to knock him down
>I don't
>He knocks me down
>I ded
>One brother atleast got away

>Spawn as an ashwalker
>Oh boy not this shit again
>Ashwalker runs in and claims offworlders are attacking
>Oh boy not this shit again
>Gather some spears
>Right outside our door is a chaplain, an engineer, and a miner
>We close the door and prepare to fight them on our turf
>We hide in boxes
>No one comes
>We hear them mining outside our home and prepare for the walls to be breached
>They never are
>Wait for them to attack
>They never do
>We open the door
>Fuckers threw down a pod right in front of our home
>"I'll weld the walls down!" I yelled
>"But your eyes!"
>"Fuck my eyes!"
>I weld
>One wall down
>I weld again
>Another down
>The air pressure starts to hurt
>The miner is on the other side, taunting me with a guitar
>"They taunt us" one of my brothers yell
>I close the door
>"Let's RCD down the wall and attack them from behind?" says a brother
>We do just that
>We attack the fuckers from behind
>Chaplain runs off through the tunnel behind our home like the coward he is
>Engineer knocks down a brother and drags him off
>"Save me brother!" he yells to me
>I give chase, but my injuries from the air slow me down too much to keep up
>The wind begins to howl
>If I'm going to die on this hell rock then I'm taking that fucker down with me
>He comes back with my brother in tow, to hide in the pod
>I strike him down
>Another brother comes by and we kill the engineer with little resistance
>He takes the engineer to the nest
>My brother is still alive, unconscious but alive
>I spot the miner in the pod and drag my brother in there
>I strike the miner down and shove my brother in the sleeper
>[The miner was braindead, so it was kind of a shitty kill]
>My brother dies in the pod as the wind wips and howls around us
>Me, my other brother, and the new ashwalker vow revenge on our enemies entire station
>BEEP CODE DELTA: 360 SECONDS UNTIL STATION DETONATION
>The storm ends, but a new storm has yet to come
>In all the fuss we lost the RCD
>"Well the southern tunnel is a bust, but we can attack them from THEIR tunnels" I say
>We don the gear from our victory
>I take the hardsuit, a backpack, and a mining ID
>We make our way through the tunnels and to the enemy station
>Along the way we spot a lone pod with nothing inside
>BEEP CODE DELTA: 120 SECONDS UNTIL STATION DETONATION
>We make our way to the station and bust in just in time to see the chaplain smash the outpost's shuttle console
>He runs through the sandbag barricade they've set up on the southern end of their outpost and begins shooting at us with an accelerator
>One poor Chief Engineer is killed by the tribe before the rest can help him
>We walk through their maze of sandbags and they run and hide at the western end of the outpost
>My brothers run through the tunnel and I yell at them to wait
>"WAIT"
>"WE WELD THE DOORS"
>"BREAK THE GLASS"
>WE MAKE THEM SUFFER."
>They like this idea
>We raid the CE's stuff and grab his tools
>One of the brothers runs to weld the door
>Our sneaky attempt turns in to a second fight
>We get past their second sandbag barricade and fight them one their home turf
>One brother is dancing around with a doctor in the hall
>Me and another are fighting the chaplain and a medical plasmaman in the lounge room
>Chaplain tries to stunprod us again
>It fizzle and runs out of battery against my engineering hardsuit
>We strike them both down
>The last one is running around trying to shoot my brother with an acclerator
>In an air filled hallway
>They're quickly struck down
>We have won the second battle
>We strip and don our new equipment
>One brother takes the chaplain's armor and I take the sword
>"I WILL TAKE THIS ARMOR AS A TROPHY"
>"ANY OBJECTIONS?"
>"No, it is yours. Warchief." I say
>Lizard bro has become our warchief for leading the second fight, since none of my plans worked.
>We take the corpses back home and heal up at the lone pod we had found
>The day is ours
>Victory over the offworlders was fought with blood, but the tendril is safe and our hunt has been bountiful
>I hand the new warchief his new baton that we got from the Chief Engineer when we made second rounds through the bodies
>I keep the sharpened claymore so I may protect him
>Round ends

It was a ton of fun
Us getting confused at a donkpocket led to losing most of our starting force

10/10 would get confused by a donkpocket again

[TheWulfe]

-snip-
>One of the enemies devised the most horrible idea of all
>He throws a donkpocket at us
>We swarm the stange object
>"It looks nothing like a pocket!" Yells one of the ashwalkers
>"Maybe it's poisoned!" I claim
>We don't notice the chaplain sneaking up on us
>He whips out a stunprod and smacks one of my walkers!
-snip-

The Donk-Pocket Plot borders on the levels of Sun Tzu military genius.

That round was fun for everyone. Ashwalker-Nanotrasen wars are always fun to fight in when even.

[Zoobastix]

I'll try my hand at it. Preventively pardon me for any accent francais. Sybil.

So this shift I, Viktor Ivanozvezdny, a jolly red-haired and red-bearded ex-NeoRussian old man with a wee-bit of nostalgia for his roots made a living as a yet clumsy cargo tech, was going about and around, minding my thing, when this revolutionary head flashes me near the cargo entrance. So now what I am a brave little revolutionaire I have other comrades gang up at cargo, and while there's havoc escalating all other the station. Meteor alert message was up and loud, and I decide I have to try and acquire some weapons from armoury.

Armed with a robust pickaxe, I made my way into, breaking windows and grilles where necessary. While the entrance to security was open, the other doors were shut, so I put out some lights, and hid in the darkness of a room on a far left wing. When someone with a prototype suit walks into that room and takes it off, no idea what for, he puts it on table before him, both him and hos unaware of my presence hidden by pitch darkness in the room's corner. As soon as I saw that fancy suit I knew what I had to do: I'll hijack it for my comrades and for sovereign nation of Cargonia!

This man was no our comrade by any means, so I considered it wont be a bad thing. In a flick of an eye I jump outta shadows and put on the suit. Sweet! But I pissed him off, and security stood there clueless while the man chased me around angrily yelling and sweeping me off my feet constantly all while I tried as i could to bear the clanky controls and fit into the single open doorway. And then out of a blue a metheorite, a blazing rock from space crashes into our exact position at high velocity, ruthlessly resolving our conflict for once. The poor fellow was a mess, his arms torn apart, while I only suffered a crit and a deafness. I was all ready to free my spirit into the land of eternal hunting, while a friendly face - comrade! - picked me outta here on the verge of death and took me to medbay. Just as I recovered, I yelled at the top of my lungs "%CREWMEMBER% , IN WHICHEVER PIT OF HELL YOU ARE, I WON!!!", unable even to hear whatever I spat out.

I don't quite remember what I did for the rest of the shift, but I sharply remember it was the first round I had gratitous amounts of FUN!! in.

[metacide]

>Be HoS on EffStation
>Comms: "Some people have all access"
>Shit not even got to my office yet and all's gone to pot
>Gear up doublequick the tide are probably on their way
>Yup dead on, some greytider Raymond Magor tries to rush the armory with all-access
>Shoot them in face with riot shotgun
>Cuff and ask if HoP gave them access
>Some atmos tech Al Gubins flies up to my pod interrogation, fire into space to try to get them to shoo
>No luck so head back to security to deal with this guy
>Zoey Webb runs in too with greytider all-access and starts saxing about
>Raymond refuses to say who gave them all-access unless I free them
>Hoho goodness no, execute Raymond on the spot for being a shitter before Zoey can free them
>Shoot at Zoey with riot shotgun, miss, curses
>Shoot her in the face with a taser, delightful
>Cuff her while she cries on the radio that I'm evil and rogue and shooting her with combat shotguns and might be a ling
>Execute her on the spot as well for being such a shitter too
>Hide both of them naked in a locker and ensure they are never found

>Admin PM from-Bob Dobbington: Hey, did you kill Zoey and hide her body in brig?
Bahahahah sure did, goodness me did they adminhelp?
My goodness the hilarity, explain they valid salid o course and got wrecked good
>Badmin Bob Dobbington/Daisy Holmes agrees.

>March over to HoP's office and tase the shitter, take straight to brig before his beloved tide can help him.
>Ask Captain if they can come over we got an issue here, they say no.
>HoP telling me he's my superior and Centcom will hear about this.
>Welp best execute the HoP straight up - shoot him dead with lasers.
>HoP gets back up and I find he has cryostung me at some point
>Devilish HoP escapes as a monkey while the Det and Warden heroically save my life from the horror
>Gear up again and bump into HoP at medbay, call it in and laser he dead again. Get LSD stung for my trouble and am slow-walking.
>Detective heroically saves the day by getting the body to the cremator
>We cremate HoP, everyone evacuates, all traitors and him the ling get redtext.
>Wewwww

Had a jolly good laugh all shift there, a truly solid bit of fun. Feels good to catch the shitters who try to be shit, is bloody marvellous to hear them cry out for help and call sec rogue or even adminhelp (!) when they get dunked.

Genuine Q: Did Firecage/Zoey Webb actually adminhelp getting shot for being a shitter, or was it the other greytider, or glorious badmin Daisy Holmes being proactive? Either way

[InsaneHyena]

I don't think Firecage ever adminhelps this stuff (at least ONE positive thing I can say about him), because I've never been bwoinked no matter what horrible things I do to him.

[metacide]

I've been bwoinked a few times in the process of dunking them, perhaps it's just admins trying to keep abreast of things.

Each bwoink warms the cockles of my heart as security, though. Usually means I'm doing the right stuff.

[Reece]

Sec gets away with shitloads. I once helped the captain run a lizard death camp.

[IcePacks]

>be security
>round happens
>steal some jamoke's baseball bat
>chase a cultist shit into space
>carps
>swat them away
>HOLY FUCK THIS IS AWESOME
>construct attacks me
>swat it away
>notice shenanigans in maint
>cultist killing the hos
>bust in with my bat
>crack the cultist into a wall
>throw proc causes him to get knocked over when he hits it
>shoot him
>space him

[CheesusGamer]

This is old but gold
>be me
>be warden
>k lets not be shitcurity for a round and let the spessmen rollplay
>Grab a donut and a coffee while managing and tagging guns
>There seems to be a trial going on
> Have I mentioned only HoP and HoS on meta low pop
> HoS is on trial. lolkek
> Head back to nest
> Hear its revs on radio
> OhFuck.jpeg
> Grab full riot armor with flashbangs and tear gas
> Grab a megaphone.
> They R-Walled the holding cell access.
> Check the room via cameras, 6 greytides, an engineer, a RIPLEY, and probably the headrev at court.
> Enter via the main door with a random ligger I deputied on the fly.
> YOU ARE ALL UNDER ARREST! DROP YOUR WEAPONS AND GET ON THE GROUND!
> They never comply.
> Flash the fuck outta the room while spamming the wirecut compiler
> Ok it seems I will only need to deal with engi head and ripley if I gas em.
> Throw teargas
> Room full of redgas
> Wtf crash?
> Apparently I crash the server with my Teargas

[Jacough]

Sec gets away with shitloads. I once helped the captain run a lizard death camp.

Once had a round a while back where I was playing as the warden and both lawyers were being shitlers and dragging suspects away whenever they were caught. Came into the brig to find both the lawyers and the mime had broken into my office with the mime using my charger while an assistant who had stumbled in just stood by watching them. I try to be friendly when I'm playing sec but at that point something in me snapped and I ended up beating the lawyers and the mime to death while the assistant just stood back and said "I'm... Not really a part of this".

Got bwoinked, explained the circumstances, and that was the end of that.turned out the mime had been charging a stolen egun, coincidentally set to kill. Stashed their corpses in evidence and then it was back to being a good cop. Let the assistant chill in my office and we just sort of shot the shit. He ended up kind of being my assistant, helping me keep an eye on the brig and updating security records as needed.

Turned out the mime was a traitor too. The lawyers on the other hand were just being dicks

tl;dr
[youtube]g2XgOzjidaY[/youtube]

[ShadowDimentio]

>Be mime
>Unseen power for good on the station
>Legendary style
>Etc
>Spend most of the round hunting the atmos tech who repeatedly welderbombed the HoP
>Turned out to not even be an antag
>Get arrested trying to kill the tech
>Detective whips out a dual esword and starts fighting with security in front of me
>Neat
>He runs shortly after starting, evidently realizing fighting all of sec at once is suicide
>Get released
>Wander around
>At some point a chemist steals a guards gun right in front of me
>Tazes him and runs
>OH NO YOU FUCKING DON'T
>Pursue and bola him
>Wield my +3 broken bottle of destruction and stab him some
>Guard shows up and so dows a doctor
>Doc tries saving the chemist
>Guard dunks the doc, I got the chemist
>Hand the chemist over to the officer who justly beats him to death
>JUSTICE SERVED
>Shortly later the shuttle is called
>Hack in the bridge and motion that I want it recalled
>HoP says three heads want it called
>Eh fair enough
>Chill with the HoP and Cap
>SUDDENLY THE DOOR OPENS AND TASERS ARE BEING SHOT EVERYWHERE
>TWO LINGS WITH ADVANCED EGUNS ARE SHOOTING EVERYTHING
>Get tazed
>One ling takes the braindead assistant that was on the bridge with us
>Other takes the HoP and Cap
>They ignore me
>Prepare myself
>Stand up
>Bola the ling lasering the assistant
>He's outta shots
>STAB THE SHIT OUT OF HIM WITH MY BOTTLE
>HE ARMBLADES ME A FEW TIMES
>Back off
>Eat a poppy I was saving
>HoP's egun is on the floor, FULLY CHARGED
>GRAB IT
>LASER THE LING
>HE FALLS OVER
>TRIES GETTING UP
>STAB THE FUCK OUT OF HIM
>HE'S FUCKING DEAD
>Catch my breath
>HoP and Captain are hurt but alive
>Go to drag the ling body away before it wakes up
>THE OTHER LING APPEARS
>HE LOCKED HIMSELF IN THE CORRIDOR
>SUDDENLY THE DETECTIVE APPEARS WITH HIM
>DUAL ESWORDS ME TO DEATH
>F U C K
>Start bragging
>Get put in cloning
>OH BOY
>It's the detective cloning me??
>Well okay then
>Get cloned
>Body dragged to surgery
>DOCTOR WHO TRIED SAVING THE CHEMIST IS SAWING ME
>RUN OUT THE OPEN SURGERY DOOR I HACKED EARLIER
>HE CHASES
>DISARM HIS SAW
>START SAWING THE SHIT OUT OF HIM
>DOCTORS STEAL MY STOLEN SAW
>Detective drags me off and tries asking if I killed someone
>Doctor crits me and manages to escape with my body
>I'm dead

>Be shortly later
>Newmin asks about what happened to the chemist
>Explain he stole a gun right in front of me and I helped the officer dunk him
>Get a fucking lecture about how I was PLAYING MIME WRONG and how I should GO DO ART INSTEAD OF BEING THE UNSEEN FORCE OF GOOD
>Very politely tell him to fuck off because it was totally valid to help the officer nab the chemist
>Remind him that I didn't even kill the chemist, the officer did
>Newmin is seriously pissed about the situation for some reason but because he couldn't pin anything on me he lets me go with a great quote
>"What's valid to an officer isn't valid to a mime"

I'd give him a complaint if admin complaints weren't treated as a fucking joke. Great round though.

[Screemonster]

That's definitely worth admin feedback though.

[confused rock]

fucking do it

[InsaneHyena]

Yeah, he recently lectured me about going to science as HoP. As I listened to him, I kept thinking - "Is this real life?". Can't be mad at him, though, he's likable.

[CheesusGamer]

>Its meta
>Be chemist
>Make 10 batches of 25u patches for both brute and burn
>Cook some meth for personal use
>Prepare a flashbang and a hellfire(smoke grenade w/ CF3)
>Its Gangs
>Tell AI to bolt my doors
>Shutters down
>Prepare a voicesignaller just in case
>Make patches for people and put them at dispenser
>My door just got hacked open
>CMO and a med with switchknifes and a pen on their hand
>Disarm and grab the pen
>Get cucked bad by knifes
>Just before getting critted say "boink"
>Flashbang goes off were all stunned
>At the same time room gets covered in smoke and ignites
>Firealarm goes off and seals the doors
>We all die

[MrEousTranger]

> assistant
> Tom Simmons
> have hop change job title to DYLAN THE HACKER
> get insuls
> hacking tools
> run around station hacking the shit out of everything
> cluwne shows up
> say hi to cluwne
> pied
> OhFuck.wav
> tied up
> cluwne welderbombs me
> the fuck he knows i can still move right???
> faggot
> fails to hurt me
> cuck my way through the station
> be nice, make .357s for detective
> Survive for the duration of the round
> called for some reason?
> I didn't see a cult or other shit, weird
> notice an air tank in the corner
> see a firefighter ripley
> also see cluwne again
> i'm sure it was all a miss understanding
> shuttle about 2 launch
> BOOM
> clown erupts in flames MAXCAP BOMB!!!
> RUN TOWARDS CORNER!!!!
> GIBS EVERYWHERE ptsd.jpg
> hide next to oxy tank
> take wrench, wrench down tank, turn on heater.
> impaled in almost every limb
> firefighter ripleys still alive comes over joins me

FORGOTNAME was NIGGLES THE CLOWN the traitor

Objective #1: Steal jetpack SUCCESS
Objective #2: Kill Tom Simmons FAILED
Objective #3: Die heroically SUCCESS

[Armhulen]

story

heroic

[Whoisthere]

>late join lawyer
>stumble to the bar through a plasma fire
>see two abductors abducting a guy in the hall

Fiona Unk says, "Nice"
Fiona Unk says, "Fucking"
Roderick Archer puts the advanced baton into the backpack.
Fiona Unk says, "Aliens"
Fiona Unk says, "HEY HOW'S YOUR"
Roderick Archer shurgs
Fiona Unk says, "HYBRIDISATION PROGRAM"
Fiona Unk says, "GOING"
Roderick Archer emotes an OK
Fiona Unk says, "HOW MANY ANAL PROBES DOES IT TAKE"
Fiona Unk says, "TO UNDERSTAND CARBON BASED LIFE"
Fiona Unk says, "HUH"
A. J. Useless suddenly collapses
Roderick Archer makes a 666 with fingers

[nsos]

i'm going to get my account permabanned at 1000

I have 1001 posts on this forum. Or 1002 with this one. This is, frankly, 1002 more posts than I've ever actually needed to make. I'm out.

[DemonFiren]

You'll be missed, or maybe not.

[imblyings]

>caved in as a vault-plant person
>remember reed's teachings and use potassium from bananas along with water to blast through rocks
>know I'm horribly unrobust against lavaland mobs
>guess that killer tomatoes don't hurt plant people but will attack lavaland mobs
>it actually works

and for all of about three minutes I had an absolute blast throwing max potency glowberries down in tunnels while siccing killer tomatoes on the goliathes

[onleavedontatme]

>caved in as a vault-plant person
>remember reed's teachings and use potassium from bananas along with water to blast through rocks
>know I'm horribly unrobust against lavaland mobs
>guess that killer tomatoes don't hurt plant people but will attack lavaland mobs
>it actually works

and for all of about three minutes I had an absolute blast throwing max potency glowberries down in tunnels while siccing killer tomatoes on the goliathes

EMERGENT GAMEPLAY

[Jazaen]

We need a plant producing anti-suffocation chemical.
Best plantpeople can do right now is to make healing mixes (omnizine and stuff), but they allow for only marginally longer travel.

[Reece]

Grasstiles should produce oxygen until their tile has a breathable amount.

[MrEousTranger]

> Tom Simmons again
> Detective
> Dick Tracy my way around the station for a while
> then my big job came up
> some assistant was saying he found a C4 in maint
> he actually did
> use my forensic scanner on it
> get the prints of someone who isn't that assistant
> run the prints through the database
> we got a match
> some doctor
> I check medical
> find the fucker
> taze, cuff, and drag to sec
> ask him what he knows about the bombs and what his motives were
> he tries to deny any involvement
> I try a tactic I learned at the detective school
> I get him a drink
> splash him with it
> and torch him with my lighter
> still not talking
> well now
> extinguish and burn patch him to full health
> I pull out liza
> my trusty chainsaw
> I cut off every limb
> he finally tells me that he has an accomplice
> thats all I need to know
> but then he told me the plan
> he had voice analyzers set up so when his accomplice yells
> "One day, while Andy was masturbating"
> all the bombs would go off
> I gave what was left of him to the chef
> ask HoS to run a search party through maint
> start a search party
> find him rigging a bomb
> he saxes around with a stetchkin picking off officers
> One bullet goes straight through the head of an officer
> hes standing still
> typing in chat...
> I know I can't stop him from activating the bomb
> so I pick it up and throw it at him
> "ONE DAY WHILE ANDY WAS MASTURBATING"
> BOOM
> a hole to space opens up sucking in gibs
> Cap gives me a medal for stopping a terrorist plot
> The forces of good are victorious once more.

[Not-Dorsidarf]

Grasstiles should produce oxygen until their tile has a breathable amount.

Pretty sure plants already do. It's just really small amounts

[Reece]

Grasstiles should produce oxygen until their tile has a breathable amount.

Pretty sure plants already do. It's just really small amounts

Huh, be cool if they do. I'll make a 1x1 room with an air an air alarm and see how much.

[Drynwyn]

>caved in as a vault-plant person
>remember reed's teachings and use potassium from bananas along with water to blast through rocks
>know I'm horribly unrobust against lavaland mobs
>guess that killer tomatoes don't hurt plant people but will attack lavaland mobs
>it actually works

and for all of about three minutes I had an absolute blast throwing max potency glowberries down in tunnels while siccing killer tomatoes on the goliathes

EMERGENT GAMEPLAY

Going to pretend this was 100 percent intended result of adding plant faction to podfolk

[TheNightingale]

How do you use potassium and water to blast through rocks? The first time I tried it, the explosion just knocked me down. The second, it gibbed me and destroyed half the seed vault.

[PKPenguin321]

the trick is to not blow things up with your hands

[Reece]

does splashing a beaker mix it?
If so then toss one beaker (or bucket) and then toss the next to blow it.

[Jacough]

> he had voice analyzers set up so when his accomplice yells
> "One day, while Andy was masturbating"

If voice analyzers can read shit over the radio it'd be kind of hilarious to set up a fuck ton of mass cap bombs around the library set to just that.

[Reece]

They can, they can be set off by automated announcement system.

[Jegub]

We need a plant producing anti-suffocation chemical.

Space Tobacco contains salbutamol, isolate that and eat a bushel and you should be good for a while.
As far as using potassium to break out goes, I've been putting 50 units of water in the grinder's beaker next to the wall, standing adjacent and tipping in a full condiment bottle of potassium. There generally needs to be at least two of you lest you get maimed, or eaten by whatever's on the other side whilst unconscious, but with the option of repodding the only limiting factors are time and the possibility of destroying the beakers. Perhaps lots of 25/25 reactions would work, eliminating the need to risk beakers and reducing damage to the detonator.
Kudos to all involved in making botany so versatile, using killer tomatoes on lavaland sounds like a great defense alternative to gatfruit. I'm off to see if removing 'liquid contents' from them lets you throw an awakening one without destroying it.

[Stuffed Hyena]

Not so much a story of awesome but...

>Start round as QM
>Newbie CT tries to flash me
>Tell him to drop the flash and I'll forget it happened
>The madman drops it
>Chuck the flash into the recycler
>He spends the rest of the round building the maintbar into cargo office
>Admin forcefully ends the round
>He was the only revhead

TL;DR I stopped a Rev by asking nicely

[PKPenguin321]

i love newfriend stories like that

[MimicFaux]

Tales from Spaaaaace!

Those with something to prove join up as security, those trying to help become doctors. People who want to do their own thing and never talk to anyone at all become botanists. And then there are those, to whom the Honk Life calls. A normal clown looking to spread some love and cheer.

I join late and see that the shuttle is already on its way. Alright, so what shenanigans can I get up to in ten minutes? I slip the Janitor for irony purposes and toss his keys into the disposals giving him an antagonizing honk before squeaking away. I feel warm and fuzzy inside as he curses me out over the radio. Now I've whetted my appetite for antics I've decided that teasing the janitor is entry-level stuff. I gather up some tools and prepare to break into the captains office! Now, I'm treading a line here, as non-antagonists shouldn't be doing antagonist things.
My goal is to add all access to my ID (but leaving the spare behind) if I can, and primarily, stealing the captains unique bed sheet to wear as a cape!
The caper goes off without a hitch, but there isn't any spare ID. Oh well. I escape back out into the halls, proudly wearing the fact I broke into the bridge on my back. I slip into the HoP's office and see if he left an ID in the console. Once again, no luck on the access. On a whim I plug my PDA into the painter and decorate my slippery device gold like the captains.
This gives me an idea and I decide to up my game once again; Stealing the captains hat!
Circling around I find him wandering they halls. Sidling up alongside him, I drop my PDA and pull him across it, slipping him. I immediately start to pry his hat off!
A nearby engineer sees my 'attack' and starts to help. Luckily he doesn't move me and interrupt my looting. The hat pops off and I put it on quick as can be before the engineer shoves me over. Now here is where the antics go from good, to great.
The captain was holding his own PDA when I slipped him, causing him to drop it. In the confusion he grabs MY gold PDA, and leaving his on the ground. I snatch it up and wear it, sure enough his all access ID is inside. The attempts to restrain me are getting frantic and I try to escape before the batons come out. Disposal chute? No dice, the engineer shoves me out of the way. Maint? Best bet! I dash into the dark tunnels with the captain hot on my heels.

Inspiration strikes and I turn off my flashlight plunging everyone into darkness. I *rest on the ground (removing unit collision) and the captain not realizing it, runs over me and makes chase deeper into the tunnels. I wait a couple minutes and turn my light again and with a feel of triumph stroll back into the halls. Wearing the captain's ID, hat, bed sheet like a cape I feel accomplished. I message him on my PDA.
Erick Jerome (Captain) => Head of Silliness (Clown): "Honk :o)"
By now the shuttle has docked and I squeak over to an escape pod with my treasure and ride off into the sunset.