Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

[Zilenan91]

Bottom post of the previous page:

>limbless, screaming, suffering clown in the corner

I gotta get the time to play holy fuck dismemberment sounds so fun.

[PKPenguin321]

>>clown stump could not call for help without a tongue and is deserted

Jesus Christ how horrifying

[confused rock]

I did something semi original! those people who call me a murderboner at lowpop sybil are wrong :')

[InsaneHyena]

> Be QM
> Go AFK
> When I return, I'm cuffed to a bed in a gas chamber, with a detective nearby.
> This happens:

Spoiler:

Jimena Prevatt says, "Wait, what"
Jimena Prevatt says, "What the fuck."
Jimena Prevatt asks, "Where am I?"
Isaac Rhinehart says, "You're in the brig."
Jimena Prevatt says, "Oh, I see."
Jimena Prevatt says, "You're a traitor. You want to kill me."
Isaac Rhinehart has thrown the screwdriver.
Isaac Rhinehart asks, "Huh?"
Isaac Rhinehart asks, "Why do you say that?"
Jimena Prevatt says, "I'm in a gas chamber, and I don't have my earpiece."
Jimena Prevatt says, "This seems a bit fucking shady to me."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "I wasn't going to gas you, this is just a safe place for you."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "I saved your life."
Jimena Prevatt asks, "Safe place?"
Jimena Prevatt says, "I'm cuffed to a bed. In a gas chamber. Excuse me for having doubts in you."
Isaac Rhinehart asks, "If I wanted to kill you, I would have already done so, wouldn't I?"
Jimena Prevatt says, "Well, I suppose you might want something from me."
Jimena Prevatt says, "Or you might want to gloat."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "I'm not that kind of detective."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "I just need a few questions from you."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "Answers, rather."
Isaac Rhinehart asks, "What blood type are you?"
Jimena Prevatt says, "That is an interesting question. I don't know the answer to it."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "Let's find out. Hang tight."
You attempt to unbuckle yourself... (This will take around one minute and you need to stay still.)
Isaac Rhinehart says, "Please don't struggle."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "You can't leave that room, and you have no earpiece or intercom."
Isaac Rhinehart has knocked down Jimena Prevatt with the police baton!
You fail to unbuckle yourself!
Jimena Prevatt says, "Dammit. What have I got myself into."
Isaac Rhinehart puts the police baton into the satchel.
Isaac Rhinehart tries to put the straight jacket on Jimena Prevatt.
Isaac Rhinehart says, "Nothing too crazy."
Jimena Prevatt says, "What do you want? Money? I can get you money."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "Just relax, I wont leave you here."
Jimena Prevatt says, "I can pay you more than they are."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "I'll be back in a jiffy."
Isaac Rhinehart asks, "Trust me?"
Jimena Prevatt says, "No. Not at all."
Jimena Prevatt says, "You are a fucking psychopath."
Isaac Rhinehart chuckles.
Isaac Rhinehart says, "No."
Jimena Prevatt asks, "And why would a sane person do things you are doing to me?"
Isaac Rhinehart says, "Anyways, wait here, and be a good girl and don't struggle out of those."
Jimena Prevatt says, "Dammit."
Jimena Prevatt exclaims, "Somebody! Help!"
Jimena Prevatt says, "Shit. Nobody is here to hear me."
You attempt to unbuckle yourself... (This will take around one minute and you need to stay still.)
Jimena Prevatt says, "And AI won't see me - there are no cameras."
Jimena Prevatt says, "I have... A PDA."
Jimena Prevatt says, "Yes, a PDA."
Jimena Prevatt says, "But I need hands to operate it."
Jimena Prevatt says, "If something delays him, I can get help."
Jimena Prevatt asks, "I wonder how long it takes to snap out of this jacket?"
You unbuckle yourself from the bed.
Isaac Rhinehart says, "See? I told you I wouldn't leave you."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "But you didn't listen to me, you unbuckled."
Jimena Prevatt says, "This does not comfort me in the slightest."
Jimena Prevatt says, "You damn psycho."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "I suppose it's just in time, because this is your punishment when you disobey."
Isaac Rhinehart points to the muzzle
Isaac Rhinehart has knocked down Jimena Prevatt with the police baton!
Isaac Rhinehart buckles you to the bed!
Jimena Prevatt says, "You can silence me, but you can't-"
Isaac Rhinehart asks, "I can't what?"
Isaac Rhinehart puts the police baton into the satchel.
Jimena Prevatt says, "...I'm still figuring it out."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "This is more for my safety than yours."
Isaac Rhinehart asks, "Can't have you screaming lies to some passerby, can we?"
Isaac Rhinehart says, "I'd say, five minutes of silence."
Isaac Rhinehart tries to put the muzzle on Jimena Prevatt.
Isaac Rhinehart says, "Oh dear."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "If you don't like the dark place, you'll be a good girl and stay buckled."
Jimena Prevatt hmphs.
You attempt to unbuckle yourself... (This will take around one minute and you need to stay still.)
Isaac Rhinehart says, "I will return, as always."
Isaac Rhinehart asks, "Don't go braindead on me now, you hear?"
Jimena Prevatt growls angrily.
Isaac Rhinehart says, "If you need something or feel uncomfortable, just shout."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "Oh, that's right."
Isaac Rhinehart giggles.


You unbuckle yourself from the bed.
Jimena Prevatt attempts to remove the straight jacket!
You attempt to remove the straight jacket... (This will take around 5 minutes and you need to stand still.)
You are now resting.
Isaac Rhinehart asks, "Still with me?"
Isaac Rhinehart tries to remove Jimena Prevatt's muzzle.
Jimena Prevatt does not look especially happy to see the detective.
Isaac Rhinehart asks, "Much better, isn't it?"
Isaac Rhinehart puts the muzzle into the satchel.
Isaac Rhinehart asks, "How are you feeling?"
Jimena Prevatt says, "I suppose, you can take a wild guess."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "Make sure you guys find Preston."
Isaac Rhinehart asks, "Elated?"
*beep*
Message from James Anderson (Research Director), "you there?" (Reply)
Jimena Prevatt says, "Angry. Tired. Helpless."
Isaac Rhinehart asks, "Oh, who's this?"
Isaac Rhinehart tries to remove Jimena Prevatt's straight jacket.
Jimena Prevatt says, "I don't know, man. Maybe if I had HANDS..."
Isaac Rhinehart tries to remove Jimena Prevatt's PDA-Jimena Prevatt (Quartermaster).
Isaac Rhinehart has thrown PDA-Jimena Prevatt (Quartermaster).
Isaac Rhinehart tries to put the straight jacket on Jimena Prevatt.
Isaac Rhinehart says, "Let's see."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "Oh, it's the RD."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "He asked, "you there?""
Jimena Prevatt says, "Yes. Funny enough, I am here."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "Glad you found the irony in that too."
Jimena Prevatt says, "It's the only thing I have left, really."
Isaac Rhinehart asks, "He asked if you could order a conveyor belt for them. What should I say?"
Jimena Prevatt says, "I suppose, you can tell him to fuck right off. Or say yes. I don't care."
Jimena Prevatt manages to remove the straight jacket!
You successfully remove the straight jacket.
Isaac Rhinehart tries to put the straight jacket on Jimena Prevatt.
*beep*
Isaac Rhinehart says, "He wants to know when the miners are coming."
Jimena Prevatt says, "I'm very happy for him."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "He seems happyp."
*beep*
Jimena Prevatt says, "Will you tell me what you want, already? I'm still not dead, so either you're here to torment me, or you need me alive."
Jimena Prevatt manages to remove the straight jacket!
You successfully remove the straight jacket.
Isaac Rhinehart asks, "In truth?"
Isaac Rhinehart says, "You were right the first time."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "But the Syndicate is so... overzealous."
Jimena Prevatt says, "So, it's some kind of creepy BDSM game you have in mind. Got it."
Isaac Rhinehart tries to put the straight jacket on Jimena Prevatt.
Isaac Rhinehart says, "No, not really. It's more of a mind experiment."
Jimena Prevatt says, "How exciting."
Jimena Prevatt says, "I can't wait to hear more."
Isaac Rhinehart asks, "If I let you go now, would you turn me in?"
Jimena Prevatt asks, "No. Do you want to hear why?"
Isaac Rhinehart says, "Humor me."
Jimena Prevatt says, "First, you obviously have inflitrated the law enforcement already. And since at least one of you is a creepy murderous weirdo, I don't know if others are compromised too."
Jimena Prevatt asks, "Sounds logical?"
Isaac Rhinehart says, "Well, most of the security staff is loyalty implanted."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "But I see your point."
Isaac Rhinehart asks, "What do you stand to lose, though?"
Jimena Prevatt says, "Second, if I were to turn you in, and security didn't turn out to be compromised, there's still a matter of trust."
Isaac Rhinehart laughs.
Isaac Rhinehart asks, "Is this your first time being kidnapped?"
Jimena Prevatt says, "At this point, you could have framed me for any amount of crimes you wanted, because changing the fingreprints database is that easy. I've worked with them in the past."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "You seem like an expert on this subject."
Jimena Prevatt says, "I've... Had experience with similiar situations."
Jimena Prevatt says, "Which is the only reason I'm not begging for mercy at this point."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "I'm glad you aren't; those people are always so drab."
Jimena Prevatt says, "So if I were to turn you in, you could have easily said - this is a syndicate traitor. Don't trust her. In fact, kill her on sight."
Jimena Prevatt says, "And they totally will do it."
Jimena Prevatt says, "While first of my two points are related, third is somewhat different."
Isaac Rhinehart asks, "What would you do if I let you go?"
Isaac Rhinehart asks, "Business as usual?"
Jimena Prevatt says, "Say, if I do turn you in and they believe me, and on the side chance they actually succeed in capturing you, they will most likely kill or imprison you forever."
Jimena Prevatt says, "This is decidedly not what I want."
Isaac Rhinehart asks, "And where does this benevolence for your captor come from?"
Jimena Prevatt says, "I assure you, this does not come from benevolence. I am currently picturing you choking for air, which my hands around your neck. Which brings me to the answer to your question."
Jimena Prevatt says, "If - or, alternatively, when - I get out of here, I will do my best to kill you with my own hands."
Jimena Prevatt asks, "Does this satisfy your curiosity?"
Isaac Rhinehart says, "To a point, yes."
Jimena Prevatt says, "I'm happy you're happy."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "There is something I still have to ask of you, however."
Jimena Prevatt asks, "Am I in any position to decline?"
Isaac Rhinehart says, "Yes."
Jimena Prevatt says, "This is not the answer I've expected."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "I'm sure you didn't expect to be kidnapped today, either."
Jimena Prevatt says, "Touche."
Isaac Rhinehart asks, "Will you forgive me?"
Jimena Prevatt says, "Put yourself in my position."
Jimena Prevatt asks, "If you were me, what would you answer?"
Isaac Rhinehart says, "Well, I did kidnap you with intent to murder you, as per my Syndicate contract."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "So if I were in your position, I'd say no."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "But I ask all the same."
Jimena Prevatt says, "There is the obvious answer - yes. Because I naturally want to live, I would do anything to get on your good side and try to avert my death by whatever means possible."
Jimena Prevatt says, "However, I'm proud enough to say this."
Jimena Prevatt says, "Go to Hell."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "I suppose I could not have expected any other answer."
Isaac Rhinehart asks, "Do me one last favor, would you?"
Jimena Prevatt asks, "Which is?"
Isaac Rhinehart says, "Don't make the same mistakes I did."
Jimena Prevatt says, "Really dramatic."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "It's not meant to be dramatic."
Jimena Prevatt says, "I would applaud, if I could."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "Don't join the Syndicate."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "The pay is great, but you can't leave."
Jimena Prevatt says, "Well, you are wrong."
Isaac Rhinehart tries to remove Jimena Prevatt's straight jacket.
Isaac Rhinehart says, "No, I've known that for a long time."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "The only way you leave the Syndicate is in a body bag."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "There is an exception in my case, of course."
Isaac Rhinehart has thrown Isaac Rhinehart's ID Card (Detective).
Isaac Rhinehart says, "My contract just expired."
Jimena Prevatt says, "But..."
Isaac Rhinehart has thrown the tape.
Jimena Prevatt says, "Since I'm obviously your intellectual superior..."

Jimena Prevatt says, "There are always some matters to consider."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "Snarky, right til' the last."
Jimena Prevatt asks, "Tell me, if Syndicate were to track you down for leaving them, how would they do it?"
Isaac Rhinehart says, "They'd check the morgue."
Isaac Rhinehart buckles themself to the chair.
Jimena Prevatt says, "True."
Isaac Rhinehart unbuckles themselves from the chair.
Jimena Prevatt asks, "But this isn't all, is it?"
Isaac Rhinehart says, "Don't waste those crystals."
Jimena Prevatt says, "If a detective called Isaac Rhinehart popped up somewhere, they will kill you."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "You could buy yourself and your family a new life with what's in that PDA, 606 Bravo."
Jimena Prevatt asks, "But if detective Isaac Rhinehard was called something else?"
Isaac Rhinehart says, "I suppose I could change my name and face."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "But I'd get tired of running."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "I'm so, so tired."
Jimena Prevatt says, "Running is not the right choice of words."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "I suppose not."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "You've got a shuttle to catch."
Jimena Prevatt says, "With genetics on your side, you can become someone else entirely. No need for operations or outdated methods."
Jimena Prevatt says, "You just... Become someone else."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "The ID and the PDA will carry you out of here."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "Your stuff is on the table, and the whole conversation if you're indicted is on that recorder."
Isaac Rhinehart points to the universal recorder
Jimena Prevatt says, "How gracious of you."
Isaac Rhinehart says, "It's time for me to retire."
Jimena Prevatt asks, "Is it still recording?"
Isaac Rhinehart is putting the barrel of the .38 Mars Special in his mouth. It looks like he's trying to commit suicide.
Isaac Rhinehart is hit by a bullet in the head!
Isaac Rhinehart blows his brains out with the .38 Mars Special!
Isaac Rhinehart seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless...
Jimena Prevatt says, "What a waste of a human life."

> After I break free, I cut out detective's brain and shove it into the MMI.
> Steal a cyborg shell from robotics, create a cyborg and emag him immediately.
> "After I've spared you, you just coulnd't let me rest in peace. I'm not the psychopath. You are."
> "I'm not! I'm not. I'm a sociopath. Those are different things."

[peoplearestrange]

Holy shit that was a good story.
And some amazing roleplay by both of you!

[mercenaryblue]

> First round as clown since the banana cream pie update
> Befriend devil chef, grow mats to mass produce more pies
> Make about four pies, draw a crayon rune in theater, pray to the honkmother
> "Bless thy pie, oh honkmother" etc etc. Curious onlookers come check out what's happening.
> Splat! Splat, Splat, Splat!! All four got tarted up.
> The honkmother whisper in my ears "Cream five more people and receive my blessing". Oh yisss
> Grow some more mats, get somebody to fetch maintenance fridge, bake more pies with chef.
> The cream pies are ready, but the captain would have none of it. He wants to operate me, insert a disk, against my will.
> Screaming for help, I am eventually rescued. Fetch my stuff, go back to work. Captain is the first creamed by the pies.
> All five cream pies hits various people near medbay. Hallelujah!!
> The honkmother spawn a staff of the honkmother, plus some auto-spawning throwing pie magic. Aww yiss.
> Hell has no wrath like a clown scorned. First and only target of the staff? The captain.
> A manhunt is declared as I HONK the captain several time.
> Eventually, the HoS breaks my trust and capture me after faking being a friend.

[peoplearestrange]

And thats how to clown proper.

[Armhulen]

Augh, not enough good stories time to post
>Be me, ghost obsessed chaplain
>catghost flying around the station
>CMO comes to me, saying the ghost is pissed at him
>He killed all of the fucking kittens
>zingo idea get
>he has to cross into the ethereal plane to apologize
>I kill him and capture him as red ghost
>the catghost seems confused
>he in his most sorrow voice appologizes
>the catghost's Sprite has the word forgiven on it now
>Thankfuck
>Kill the cmo's red ghost
>Defib his body
All is well again.

[Xhagi]

>rollan fer miner
>gottem
>today I will explore and hunt down some tendrils
>find Gluttony place, decide fuck that
>find golem ship, no golems, oh well
>find tendril, time to fuck it up
>another miner dies when trying to fight the tendril mobs and an ash storm came along, I ran away like a bitch and hid in a pod
>come back, finish off tendril
>INFERNO grenade, noice
>go get the dead miner, start going back to station, a little worried cause I keep hearing what sounds like a revolution or gang but gotta save my home boy
>nevermind no saving he's not responding to cloning
>go back to mining, looking for more tendrils, comms go out but don't care tendrils
>DELTA ALERT MAX GANG TRYING TO TAKE OVER IN CARGO
>my time is now
>go back station, Inferno in hand, dominator is right in the cargo warehouse
>"WITNESS ME."
>prime dat grenade, get stunned but don't care because it's already begun
>gang fucks off as the flames engulf the entire cargo bay, get up, pickaxe that dominator to death while on fire
>run away, manage to live despite all this
>have a chat with the AI over PDA now that comms are back, says it wished I didn't use such a harmful method but I don't think anyone died so not a big deal, say I'll try not to hurt people
>DELTA ALERT CYBER GANG IN VACANT OFFICE
>for fucks sake
>run out to the area nearby, shitload of people, everyone shooting everyone
>fuck this
>go get some tools, go below in maint toward the vacant office, mesons show me a tile surrounded by walls that has to be the dominator
>take down some walls behind it
>pickaxe dominator kills: 2
>yell "GANG AIN'T SHIT" and run off to hide in maint because the gang probably wants to kill me for ruining their fun
>still chatting with the AI over PDA, it informs me all the heads are dead or converted and there's no security left to fight
>DELTA ALERT CYBER GANG IN VACANT OFFICE
>FOR FUCKS SAKE
>tell the AI I'm going three for three, it tells me good luck
>run through maint behind the office again, some guy fighting but can't tell if he's gang or not so throw a bluespace crystal at him
>he ends up in the vacant office and provides a nice distraction as I come up from behind, having seen the dominator knowing exactly which wall to take down
>put up some other walls, take down the wall by the dominator, gang watches helplessly as I whack it with my pickaxe of gang destruction
>yell "GANGS AIN'T SHIT" right in their face, run back off into maint with my new high score
>AI commends me over my actions, decide that for helping me and keeping me company I'll save the AI
>get card from RD's office, get over to sat, AI lets me card it having called the shuttle some time ago
>get back over to engineering, wait it out in the pod while chatting with the AI
>sail off to glorious victory, not in greentext but in spirit

The entire round was one big adrenaline rush for me.

(Bad News Barrett) has made a priority announcement: Gangs, I'm afraid I've got some bad news. You're currently all losing to a single person whose occupation and hobby both involve hitting rocks with metal things a lot. Despite having had no Security to fight and basically ideal conditions.

[confused rock]

>arrest james for having prints on a gang spray can
>james anderson accuses me of wallhacking

[Anonmare]

>arrest james for having prints on a gang spray can
>james anderson accuses me of wallhacking

I wish I could ask you if these people are real but I know they are.
I know and I've seen them.

The horror. The Horror.

[One Seven One]

>Be last night with our 'Server is going down, time to party' rounds
>Observe
>Everything is normal until one admin hits the highlander button
>Fighting breaks out
>One person is asking for the gods to spawn Vibro Blades
>They do
>Admins hit turn on respawns
>Spawn in has the Chaplin with one mission: Get to my chapel and get my shit
>Run past two people fighting and yoink myself a vibro blade
>Examine text mention I can hold it in both hands to deflect projectiles
>I get to my chapel and test this bad boy on a window
>It smashes it in two hits, holy dam
>Don my armor, grab my null rod and transform it in to a defense staff
>Walk out of my chapel and get assaulted by a random highlander
>Kill his ass dead in a few swings and decapitate him
>Drag his corpse so I can yoink his ID and pinpointer
>I am offically a highlander
>As I am looting another highlander comes in to my chapel
>"Hello chaplain."
>Me: "Hello my child."
>"I too am a follower of god."
>Oh shit roleplay during admin shenanigans
>I walk out and ask if he needs some holy healing with my book
>As I do someone comes out of maint and assaults us
>He's dead in a few swings and decapitated in another
>"I could use that healing now."
>I toss him my helmet and smack him with holyness
>We decide to go raid medical for stuff to heal me
>Plasma is in the hallways so I put on a mask
>My follower is not so fortunate and breathes in a lot of plasma
>We duck in to botany and in to maint
>I see if I can swipe the medical stuff from the boxing room
>It's on the ground near some corpses and a swarmer
>Swarmer runs off and I yoink the supplies
>I duck back in to maint and patch myself up
>There we meet a doctor who asks us what's going on
>"The end of days is upon us."
>We tell him my follower is dieing from toxins to the point that he can't even carry his noble sword
>They say they'll get him antitox and will be right back
>We wait..
>And wait..
>Maint opens from boxing and a man with a sword stands in the doorway
>I hold my holy vibro blade in both arms, letting him make the first move.
>"I'm fine with neither of us fighting if you are."
>Me: "I am."
>He runs in and runs off, no blood shed.
>We continute to wait..
>And wait..
>Second guy comes back and asks us why we're still there, we tell him we're waiting
>He tells us we could just.. go
>We point at the plasma covering the door
>He says that there isn't any plasma in the next room, it all burnt out and we can just go.
>Me: "May the light guide us my child?"
>Without a word he opens the door and we head on out in to the darkened bar
>Crunch.. crunch..
>Out of the corner of our vision we spot a blood demon dragging a corpse in to blood
>Crunch.. crunch
>"Father! A demon!"
>Me: "Show yourself demon!!"
>Demon never shows himself
>Fuck
>We walk over to medbay and get assaulted by something in the darkness
>I move in to the light and out of the darkness comes a zombie!
>I attempt to slay the fowl beast but as it falls it.. teleports off?
>I think it was the RD as a zombie with the teleporter armor or someone threw a swarmer crystal
>I was so caught up in the fight I lost track of my follower
>My follower comes out of the darkness but something isn't right
>He's..
>Green..
>"My child no!"
>It's too late, he's a zombie now.
>He falls over
>I know what I must do
>"May you find peace my child.."
>His corpse is destroyed.
>Centcomm says they beamed zombie fighting equipment in to the chapel
>I have a mission now.
>I make my way over carrying only a heavy burden and an even heaver heart
>I slay one or two zombies along the way
>I walk in to my once peaceful chapel
>Inside is crusader armor and claymores
>I decide to make my stand here.
>I will defend this supplies to my last dieing breath
>RD zombie shuffles in and we fight
>He is no match for my holy wrath [Read: Overpowered Vibroblade]
>"May you find peace child.."
>RD gibbed
>Another zombie shuffles in and I point at him
>Me: "I will purge you." or something like that
>He attacks
>I knock him out
>I begin to purge him
>Forget I was bleeding
>Fuck
>Fall over in to crit and begin dieing
>With my last dieing breath
>"May the gods cleanse this shuttle of unholyness and guide its dwellers to salvation." or something like that
>DEAD
>Before long death squads are spawned and begin shooting everything
>Eh, close enough.

[Alipheese]

Spoiler:

>rollan fer miner
>gottem
>today I will explore and hunt down some tendrils
>find Gluttony place, decide fuck that
>find golem ship, no golems, oh well
>find tendril, time to fuck it up
>another miner dies when trying to fight the tendril mobs and an ash storm came along, I ran away like a bitch and hid in a pod
>come back, finish off tendril
>INFERNO grenade, noice
>go get the dead miner, start going back to station, a little worried cause I keep hearing what sounds like a revolution or gang but gotta save my home boy
>nevermind no saving he's not responding to cloning
>go back to mining, looking for more tendrils, comms go out but don't care tendrils
>DELTA ALERT MAX GANG TRYING TO TAKE OVER IN CARGO
>my time is now
>go back station, Inferno in hand, dominator is right in the cargo warehouse
>"WITNESS ME."
>prime dat grenade, get stunned but don't care because it's already begun
>gang fucks off as the flames engulf the entire cargo bay, get up, pickaxe that dominator to death while on fire
>run away, manage to live despite all this
>have a chat with the AI over PDA now that comms are back, says it wished I didn't use such a harmful method but I don't think anyone died so not a big deal, say I'll try not to hurt people
>DELTA ALERT CYBER GANG IN VACANT OFFICE
>for fucks sake
>run out to the area nearby, shitload of people, everyone shooting everyone
>fuck this
>go get some tools, go below in maint toward the vacant office, mesons show me a tile surrounded by walls that has to be the dominator
>take down some walls behind it
>pickaxe dominator kills: 2
>yell "GANG AIN'T SHIT" and run off to hide in maint because the gang probably wants to kill me for ruining their fun
>still chatting with the AI over PDA, it informs me all the heads are dead or converted and there's no security left to fight
>DELTA ALERT CYBER GANG IN VACANT OFFICE
>FOR FUCKS SAKE
>tell the AI I'm going three for three, it tells me good luck
>run through maint behind the office again, some guy fighting but can't tell if he's gang or not so throw a bluespace crystal at him
>he ends up in the vacant office and provides a nice distraction as I come up from behind, having seen the dominator knowing exactly which wall to take down
>put up some other walls, take down the wall by the dominator, gang watches helplessly as I whack it with my pickaxe of gang destruction
>yell "GANGS AIN'T SHIT" right in their face, run back off into maint with my new high score
>AI commends me over my actions, decide that for helping me and keeping me company I'll save the AI
>get card from RD's office, get over to sat, AI lets me card it having called the shuttle some time ago
>get back over to engineering, wait it out in the pod while chatting with the AI
>sail off to glorious victory, not in greentext but in spirit

The entire round was one big adrenaline rush for me.

(Bad News Barrett) has made a priority announcement: Gangs, I'm afraid I've got some bad news. You're currently all losing to a single person whose occupation and hobby both involve hitting rocks with metal things a lot. Despite having had no Security to fight and basically ideal conditions.

Can attest to this, did glorious work for Cargonia! Would hire again.
That round was one big headache.

[confused rock]

>nuke ops
>putting brains in borgs in robotics
>assistant (insanehyena) had an arm blown off by a bomb
>is annoying
>somebody helps augment them
>notice they have a pinpointer in their pocket
>search the backpack
>full of nuke op shit
>grab their pistol
>they spring up and grab the c20
>shoot them dead, barely surviving
>hyena calls the other ops flukes after

[InsaneHyena]

> Be nuke op
> Go stealth
> Sabotage telecoms
> Go to kill the captain
> Why is everything on fire
> A syndicate bomb blew my arm off and put me into crit, captain is unscathed
> You could have warned, jackass
> After a passerby borg injects me with some drugs, crawl to medbay and scream at people until I get a brute patch
> Go to robotics
> Is-a-Lizard is being shit like always
> Get stripped.
> My emag falls out of my pocket
> Okay, my sprite covers all this shit, they probably won't notice
> They did
> Grab my gat
> Ligger is faster.
> Die.

> Meanwhile, Oldman Op instantly dies because space dust
> Another operative slips on the lube, loses his gun, than a laser sets off a minibomb in his pocket
> Everybody else is dead already.
> Fuck.

[Super Aggro Crag]

>Traitor
>Can't mine because someone stole my gear before I arrived.
>Don't feel like breaking into the captain's office and steal his medal, decide to instead wreck the brig for my amusement
>Syndibomb the brig, go check out the damage after I hear the boom and feel the lag shockwave
>Oh no, an innocent bugperson has lost her leg and is dying in the vacuum!
>Take pity on the poor bug. I did not intend to kill a non-redshirt
>Drag them to medbay and just barely save them from a gruesome death
>Demand the AI let me into robotics. Surprisingly, it does.
>Attempt to replace the bugwoman's leg. Unfortunately, I make the wrong leg in the machine, so I end up severing her good leg and giving her a robot one. We laugh about it.
>Okay, attempt two, this time I print a robot arm. Bugwoman questions my actions, but I explain. "Arm, leg, same thing, very nice." It actually works when I install it.
>Bug gives me a kiss as Old Man Robustin informs me the shitter who stole my gear went braindead and I get my miner suit and dick around for all of 2 minutes before the shuttle arrives (the AI called it because of my silly bomb)
>Grab some bluespace crystals. Might as well have fun with them.
>On the shuttle, I see RAYNER BEAIL, missing an arm, and being brutalized by security with a birthday cake in the shuttle brig.
>I await my opportunity, the HOS opens the door for a split second. Rush in and hurl the bluespace crystal at Rayner, helping him escape.
>We sax around the shuttle for a bit, until the warden stuns me. I tell Rayner to leave me, but he is too loyal, he rushes into the shuttle brig to help me.
>A clusterfuck riot ensues as everyone gets stunned, disarmed, and stabbed with a survival knife. The shuttle has almost arrived, and I smash the window and run.
>Rayner runs as well, but is one second short, as he doesn't achieve greentext for being 1 tile within the brig

i had fun, sorry rayner

[Digdugxx]

>arrest james for having prints on a gang spray can
>james anderson accuses me of wallhacking

AHEM

[InsaneHyena]

I think the important question is, why are you recording every round.

[Reece]

I think the important question is, why are you recording every round.

And why is Scotland the Brave randomly playing.

[Digdugxx]

You're asking too many questions

[confused rock]

10 out of fucking 10

[PKPenguin321]

>arrest james for having prints on a gang spray can
>james anderson accuses me of wallhacking

AHEM

holy fuck my sides

[PKPenguin321]

>roll atmos tech on metastation
>roll traitor!!!
>first traitor roll since dismemberment was added
>i have to hijack!!!
>ebow+esword go go go
>grab atmos hardsuit and some oxygen
>bail out the airlock and swoop down to telecomms satellite
>as i head out i hear reports of bryce pax the changeling killing loadsa people
>deconn telecomms and get away with no witnesses
>we them boys
>alright now it's time to murder
>https://carpenterbrut.bandcamp.com/album/trilogy
>fly by grinder maint real quick to check it out, find crit RD, watch her die
>loot and decapitate
>stash them brains
>skip and hop down to science and blow borgs
>skip and hop on down to medbay
>captain is putting some dude into cryo
>"what happened to you guys?"
>"Damn lawyer was a traitor."
>"What a coincidence!"
>ebow
>head-off! apply directly to the forehead!
>pop open cryo cell
>head-off! apply directly to the forehead!
>chaplain waltzes in dragging body
>hold my ebow sideways like a gangster and pop him one (not really but this is how i imagine it ok)
>head-off! apply directly to the forehead!
>oh and the dude he was dragging still had a soul
>head-off! apply directly to the forehead!
>gather heads and place them under genetics
>cut out the brains and drop them into my box
>geneticist walks out past the window
>hear airlock
>run out and pop him one
>head-off! apply directly to the forehead!
>not enough space for his brain so i stash it in a box of medical masks, nobody will look there
>jog down to the grinder
>on the way i find some dude, i think a chef, healing herself outside cargo
>POP POP POP
>miss a bunch
>run off
>no witnesses though
>run back and she's still there
>POP
>this time i got her
>drag to nearby arrivals bathroom as i decapitate her
>cant fit brain in box
>hatch devious plan
>pry open toilet cisterns
>hide brains in toilet
>absolutely_disgusting.jpg
>run out and head up maint to the grinder
>toss in the remaining brains, head back south out by cargo
>bartender is buckled to a chair in cargo lobby
>pop and unbuckle him, drag him down hallway, he calls to QM for help and QM gives chase
>barkeep's head pops off before QM catches up
>QM eventually catches up, swings at me a few times but i dodge and duck into maint darkness
>he peeks in thinking i ran off, pop him with ebow from the shadows
>"SH-I-I-T"
>head-off! apply directly to the forehead!
>rocking the fuck out to music i linked earlier, im fucking pumped
>dont even debrain these heads, just pop them into grinder
>wash up at bathroom
>loot bartender's sawn-off shotty, hack cargo's autolathe, print shotgun slugs for a ghetto revolver
>head down to bar because at this point my hunger meter is low as fuck
>sit right next to the HoS, but he's not suspicious. i have no living witnesses.
>chow the fuck down on doughnuts
>run by sci again and blow borgs then head to bar again
>as i do this shuttle is called
>HoS walks out of bridge
>pop pop pop
>first hit of ebow KOs him
>this is just too easy
>head-off! apply directly to the forehead!
>drag his remains to bar theater area and debrain, snag his ID and gun
>officer with taser drawn and riot shield stumbles in
>quickdraw ebow, decapitate him
>CENTCOMM REPORT:
>Some sadist has been detected severing the heads of several crewmen. We're sending a team to check it out.
>FUCK.jpg
>run to atmos, it's the farthest place from arrivals
>find other atmos tech with the axe
>make some small talk before stabbing him in the back
>i ebow him and he drops his axe
>use his axe to decapitate him because why not
>powertripping hard
>remember that i'm in a hardsuit and go EVA
>head down to arrivals via space, find a clown corpse with PDA still on it
>just as i start stripping it I see the ferry dock just at the edge of the screen
>FUCKFUCKFUCK.jpg
>heart is pounding
>wait a bit then head in
>ferry is empty, squad moved out
>hesitantly i move out down arrivals
>grab potted plant to conceal self and continue down the halls
>just outside the bar by botany, CE runs by
>try to ebow since i haven't seen anybody recently, miss
>CE runs off and i curse silently
>SUDDENLY WHOLE ERT TEAM AND GREYS WITH SPEARS/SHIELDS RUN OUT OF BRIDGE, PAST ME, INTO BAR
>they dont see me because of MVP POTTED PLANT STRAT
>haul ass to escape, shuttle is almost here
>see dude in deathsquad hardsuit with ID that says "CEO of Centcomm"
>HOLY FUCK SCORE
>tase with HoS gun i stole earlier
>unload the shotgun i stole earlier
>murder the fuck out of this guy
>decap and drag into space
>strip off his suit and put it on
>IT'S A CHAMELEON SUIT
>bamboozled.jpg
>well so much for that clever disguise
>shuttle docks
>fuck
>fly over to shuttle, see ERT and shit on it
>pop the sec guy with ebow and drag him into space
>ERT has meme adrenals
>want to run to pods but only 1 authorization is needed to rush the shuttle
>also i have to hijack so i can't back down now
>i know that this wont go well
>turn up music
>rush in with ebow in hand, riot shield in the other
>get swarmed by vengeful ERT men, cuffed, executed, stripped, spaced
>like 40 ghosts on my corpse
>not_even_mad.jpg

one of the most fun murderbones i've had in ages, dismemberment is fucking choice

[ProbablyLordofOreos]

>Cult round
>Chap gets captured in cargo by two cultists
>They need to sacrifice him
>Chap immune to cult magic so he keeps getting up and away
>They dont have zipties so they chop his legs off
>He screams loudly and they continue trying to sacrifice him
>HOLY SHIT LUL HES CRAWLING AWAY!
>He opens creates in the backroom and crawls over them
>They cant get him because he's all the way in the back and surrounded by 10+ crates
>Cult gets angry and finally catches legless Chap
>They chop his arms off
>He bites their legs
*Body Explosions*

10/10 - 'Tis but a scratch'
Fucking hilarious Chaplain, loved every second of it, he never gave up.

[Wyzack]

realtalk Carpenter Brut's trilogy is a fucking masterpiece

[Armhulen]

>Cult round
>Chap gets captured in cargo by two cultists
>They need to sacrifice him
>Chap immune to cult magic so he keeps getting up and away
>They dont have zipties so they chop his legs off
>He screams loudly and they continue trying to sacrifice him
>HOLY SHIT LUL HES CRAWLING AWAY!
>He opens creates in the backroom and crawls over them
>They cant get him because he's all the way in the back and surrounded by 10+ crates
>Cult gets angry and finally catches legless Chap
>They chop his arms off
>He bites their legs
*Body Explosions*

10/10 - 'Tis but a scratch'
Fucking hilarious Chaplain, loved every second of it, he never gave up.

Dude, that was me. Wanna talk about hardest laugh i've had in a long time? I make my god around having no legs, cut off my legs, then Phoebe sees me cut off one of my legs and heals me enough so I can dismember the other, I then crawl away when she calls security. I can't even get into disposals to escape so she puts me in because she feels bad. Guess where I land??? The fucking cult in cargo with the objective to kill me. fml dude, still, was laughing really hard though all of it so yeah. Also got to build sick spessbess after as an arficier, and basically because we summoned narsie in the spessbess, they couldn't do nothing to stop us.

[InsaneHyena]

> Latejoin gangs
> Lags finally over, can play normally.
> Am converteed to Sleeping Carp.
> Is-a-Lizard is doing soul stone memes, half the station is his shades, and they are brutally killing everyone.
> Survive.
> Kill.
> Survive.
> Kill.
> We place the dominator in engineering.
> Opposing gangs come to storm it, but they all die in the process.
> Our gang leader loses too much blood, falls on the ground and begins bleeding out.
> Then two of our last gang members follow the suit.
> I'm the only one left standing.
> Tesla is raging, bringing havoc and destruction wherever it goes.
> Floors are covered in blood and corpses.
> AI is still pretending to be a cutesy anime girl over the nearly silent radio, but even it realizes the sad state our station is in.
> I am the king of ashes, ruling over ruins and dead men.
> As the dominator counts down the last seconds, I put a looted laser gun to my temple.
> Close my eyes.
> Pull the trigger.
> Sleeping carp gang "won".

[confused rock]

[PKPenguin321]

realtalk Carpenter Brut's trilogy is a fucking masterpiece

you have excellent taste my friend

[Alipheese]

Spoiler:

>Lowpop, late night
>Go engineer cause no one ever does
>3 engineers, CE, and a atmos tech who welderbombs himself a minute into the round
>Decide I'm gonna make a self contained Tesla Justeazia taught me.
>Set it up, CE says good work
>Go fix cut cables from mice
>METEORS ON COURSE FOR STATION
>Oh boy
>Spend next 10 minutes fixing breaches
>Found a dead Opie in arrivals (important)
>Go to medbay, absolute fucking mess and dead bodies all over cloning, including a few dead abductors
>Quick clone Opie and throw into cryo
>Peacekeeper borg R.O.U.G.E., trying so hard to disable a ninja nearby,
>See CE's body and telescopic baton, grab it, make some cable cuffs
>Go back and peacekeeper borg is absolutely bullying this ninja, like I felt bad for the ninja
>Walk up, smack the ninja down, cuff
>"Good work borgie!", pet it and the ninja goes boom
>Not even scratched cause engi hardsuit
>Take the katana cause trophy!
>Opie and I clone as many as possible
>Engineering is the only department with more than a person or two alive
>We decide its time to go
>We red alert and call shuttle
>Walking from bridge to escape see the syndi headset people were talking about
>Pick it up to see if I can talk to anyone
>No response, throw it down again, right in front of detective
>Detective sees it
>Runs after me and shoots me in the face,
>Try to explain, no go
>Tell other engineers im being arrested by detective for checking syndi headset out
>Get onto shuttle
>Tell detective to talk to engineering team, I'm no traitor
>Suddenly entire engineering team and R.O.U.G.E. busts into shuttle brig, smack detective down and release me
>Someone welder bombs the cargo area of the shuttle
>Engineers go to fix it
>I fall out of the shuttle
>Walp
>I am the space ninja now!

[Thunder11]

RainofSpades was Ziggs Pippbottom the Head of Personnel and survived (used 20 TC)
Objective #1: Steal the captain's antique laser gun. Success!
Objective #2: Steal the head of security's personal laser gun. Success!
Objective #3: Steal a hand teleporter. Success!
Objective #4: Steal the chief engineer's advanced magnetic boots. Success!
Objective #5: Steal the medal of captaincy. Success!
Objective #6: Steal the hypospray. Success!
Objective #7: Steal the nuclear authentication disk. Success!
Objective #8: Steal a reflector vest. Success!
Objective #9: Steal the reactive teleport armor. Success!
Objective #10: Steal any set of secret documents of any organization. Success!
Objective #11: Steal 28 moles of plasma (full tank). Success!
Objective #12: Steal the station blueprints. Success!
Objective #13: Escape on the shuttle or an escape pod alive and without being in custody. Success!
Objective #14: Succeed Success!
The winner was successful!

So I just saw this, highly impressed

[Wyzack]

realtalk Carpenter Brut's trilogy is a fucking masterpiece

you have excellent taste my friend

Your story prompted me to finally download it to my phone. Disco Zombi Italia is my fucking jam

[InsaneHyena]

> Be scientist
> Do RnD
> Annoying ligger is annoying
> BLEB
> Do RnD faster.
> Cargo is competent for a change, get both resources and shotguns.
> Make xrays, give them to the crew.
> Wait, what is laser gatling?
> Make laser gatling.
> Time to unleash SCIENCE upon the bleb!
> Get killed by the clown with an xray

[Not-Dorsidarf]

HONK

[confused rock]

>miner
>find zombie ruin I Was looking for
>oldman steals the wrestling belt but I don't notice, ahelp the missing belt and shaps thinks it was removed
>later that very same meme
>get the inquisitor suit (as good as an ERP hardsuit with no light) from a tendril
>learn oldman stole the belt and that he is using the exploit to fire the ka faster
>become a salty buttbaby
>yell at shaps in a prayer that they were wrong
>still salty
>gangs place a dom
>grab gibtonite but by the time I get a reaction 1 or 0 gibtonite the dom is dead
>go on station and cash in points
>sec officer obviously coming to tase me
>bluespace crystal in hand
>they somehow manage to tase me before I even throw it 100% because of lag and not my fault I swear
>penned into gang
>they were the only shitty person in the gang and not the boss thank fuck
>other gang places dom in smes room
>gibtonite in with garithos
>space them with bluespace crystals
>kill a hardsuit engi in space with my ka
>later
>most of the station is gang
>they plan on domming soon
>garithos mentions killing oldman in science
>search science
>find belt
>did I mention we have a gatling laser? 50% station control too, this is going to be the easiest gang win ever, shame guns never get put to use, mats alone are too rare.
>ert alert
>go to arrivals
>ert shuttle docks
>scientist shreds them with the gatling laser and lube
>4 survivors, one of every ert member (There were 8 before)
>gatling guy dies
>engineer slips towards me
>cinch, begin throw attack (throws really far but does no damage unless they hit a wall, mostly for style.)
>throw into a wall in north arrivals
>begin to prepare for a leg drop
>they get too far away, end up falling on my ass
>they come back after a bit, about to stun me
>get up just in time to cinch them thanks to stims
>atomic slam him to death
>grab dead laser guy and run
>give gun to detective because I am wrestleman
>they are really dumb
>teach them exactly how it works
>they shoot ert from offscreen, just testing the gun out
>they almost immediately laser him dead
>gatling laser is down and I am slightly hurt, mining stims keep me at good speed though
>see commander who is obviously cj aj in a maint tunnel
>trick him into getting into range so I can atomic slam his dick to death
>atomic slam his dick to death
>unknown to me, offscreen med ert defibs them
>limping near bridge
>sec ert outta nowhere
>get a few lasers in me
>cinch
>throw into wall
>cinch again
>clown boss comes in and starts switchblading them
>tell them to stop because I want to leg drop them
>leg drop them
>do it a few more times
>they dead
>suddenly commander comes in and revolvers the clown boss to death and nearly me, but the special suit and brute patches keep me alive
>still burnt a bit and slow
>commander was still in the dark
>comes out
>commander appears to be crawling from all the body slams
>body slam him a few more times
>he ded
>round ends

[InsaneHyena]

I was the one who made the gatling. Seeing this thing in action was a joy to my heart.

[ShadowDimentio]

>Be flop
>Nice
>Memes all over
>JOHN CENA airhorns, clown masks, wrestling belts, and the station's clown and bartender
>Well okay then
>Unexpectedly the bartender and clown aren't murdered and join us in meming the station
>Gear up with a SMG, adrenals and thermals.
>We storm the station in several sects
>I'm going straight for the captain
>He's at sec, went there after ops were sighted at escape
>Atomize him and several other guards and book it with the HoS injured but in hot pursuit
>Think I've escaped when the HoS finishes fighting with a heater and lasers me down
>Pop adrenals and shoot him with my pistol a few times
>Tazed again and drop my pistol
>Pop up again because adrenals were still up and disarm his gun
>Nearly dead, shoot him twice and he's down
>YES!
>Op guarding a useless power sink comes and helps me loot the captain
>Disk get
>Go to the shuttle and arm the nuke on-station
>Cruise back home to observe the memes
>Medals are given for acts of heroism
>Memes are deployed, no survivors expected
>V I C T O R Y

[stiph]

>

> Meanwhile, Oldman Op instantly dies because space dust

What is Space dust?

[Reece]

>

> Meanwhile, Oldman Op instantly dies because space dust

What is Space dust?

Sometimes dust flies in at superspeed and destroys what it hits.

[stiph]

>

> Meanwhile, Oldman Op instantly dies because space dust

What is Space dust?

Sometimes dust flies in at superspeed and destroys what it hits.

Figures, but there is dust in muh 2d spessmens?

[Wyzack]

it is a sort of random event, usually harmless unless it hits a window. Never seen it hit a person though. You can tell where it has struck because it leaves behind a pile of sand

[InsaneHyena]

> Detective tator
> Really don't feel like doing syndicate revolver memes again
> Ask admins for a gimmick
> They tell me to frame someone for my crimes, so they can enjoy the salt in adminhelp
> I choose Tee Fury for no particular reason at all.
> Succesfully complete my objectives, leave Fury's fingerprints all over the place
> Innocently ask whose fingerprints are those. When sec ''''confirms'''' they belong to Tee Fury, they arrest him.
> Permabrig him. When he screams about me having no evidence and being braindead all this time, I say that he's a major shitler, and thus his word have no merit.
> He immediately starts salt in ooc.
> His salt is so powerful, admins shut down OOC chat.
> W E W L A D

[Anonmare]

I have a similar story with a ling.
>Some ling nerd managed to pass off all their heat onto this one nobody
>He get's chased down a hallway and as he was being chased, he turned into someone else .
>At that EXACT moment that guy was walking down the other side of the hallway.
>He get's beaten to death and cremated.
>Salts up ahelp
>Explain to him a Ling actually managed to frame him
>He starts laughing and says that's great
Why can't more people be graceful in defeat?

[DemonFiren]

> Detective tator
> Really don't feel like doing syndicate revolver memes again
> Ask admins for a gimmick
> They tell me to frame someone for my crimes, so they can enjoy the salt in adminhelp
> I choose Tee Fury for no particular reason at all.
> Succesfully complete my objectives, leave Fury's fingerprints all over the place
> Innocently ask whose fingerprints are those. When sec ''''confirms'''' they belong to Tee Fury, they arrest him.
> Permabrig him. When he screams about me having no evidence and being braindead all this time, I say that he's a major shitler, and thus his word have no merit.
> He immediately starts salt in ooc.
> His salt is so powerful, admins shut down OOC chat.
> W E W L A D

You know, I ought to hate you, but this is fucking brilliant.

[PKPenguin321]

>assistant on meta
>admins are playing runescape midis
>run around saying "Buying jee eff"
>run into brig and propose my offer to the warden
>as I do this Hulk Hogan waltzes up and crits me with like 6 bear traps fnr
>consider ahelping but don't since he does CPR, mime is dragging me to medbay
>get my legs patched up and find a potted plant to hide in
>stalk around genetics until Hulk shows up
>aim for the legs and punch him into crit
>after this I consider that my fighting is bretty good
>decide that I must get augmented so I can become the ultimate unarmed fighter
>go to robotics, only get chest/head/right arm augmented so I can be half-Borg cyberpunk man
>reports of a mysterious ladder in the garden come over the radio
>I go check it out with HoS, captain, etc
>its a strange grassy area
>suddenly wall bursts open and we're swarmed with elite syndies
>I try to punch them off but take big damage
>we all escape except the captain who gets gangbanged
>some ligger crits me fnr with an extinguisher
>dragged to medbay
>as soon as I'm patched up singulo approaches
>it eats medbay but I escape thanks to spaceproof augments and a medibot I drag with me
>shuttle is coming and escape/the ladder got eaten so I head to arrivals pods to drop off the medibot
>as I head back I notice a new ladder at the arrivals lounge
>climb up, grab dead cap's laser, fire off like 3 shots before I'm murderized by syndies
>in deadchat admins say I'm the only dude attempting their event, so they give me a SECOND WIND
>move a few tiles before dying again next to a dead syndie who dropped a sword and shield
>by the grace of god im granted a THIRD and FINAL WIND
>grab sword and fight off the three syndies as I backpeddle deeper into the maze
>pass a shitload of spiders which the remaining syndies aggro instead
>duck into a little tunnel where I can't progress due to there being asteroid walls and me not having a pickaxe
>a few spiders wander in and I esword them, but my leg takes extreme damage in the process
>bleeding out due to weak flesh organic leg
>curse myself for not getting full augments
>search a dead syndie for medicine, no dice
>I know what I have to do
>cut off my own leg with the esword
>down a leg, but the bleeding has stopped and I can repair my robot chest with my welder
>pop out of my tunnel and grab a shield to kill more spiders
>all enemies are dead
>realize my health is rapidly dropping, spiders must have poisoned me
>a pickaxe materializes near me as centcomm announces that one faint crewmans vitals are still going inside the strange ladder
>try to get pickaxe but poison overtakes me
>die a heroic death
>40 gorillion ghosts were over my corpse
>deadchat commends me on sacrificing my leg to prevent bloodloss
>feels pretty good

Fun event/10

[ShadowDimentio]

>Be mime
>Not a traitor for once
>Get hacking gear and break into places causing shenanigans
>HoP chelps, some cuck took him hostage
>Detective, HoS and cap are all wondering what to do
>Try telling the HoP to rest so the HoS can shoot the guy
>He doesn't follow me
>Whatever
>Break the window down and pull the HoP away
>HoS is a retard and tries tasing the guy through a windoor rather than disabling him
>Guy uses the disabler properly
>HoS detective and captain make a shitshow out of arresting the guy but they barely manage
>HoP is grateful for me being MVP
>Cap gives me a medal of valor
>Niceme.me
>Continue miming around
>Check R&D
>They're yelling at me to go away cause no acid
>Try stealing the chemistry dispensers because there are no chemists
>CMO stops and yells at me
>Mime that I was giving it to R&D
>They say fuck it and let me have it
>Go back to R&D and they just finished making a chem dispenser
>Laugh and take the dispenser back to chem
>SUDDENLY AWPERATIVES IN SCIENCE
>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>COWARDICE OVERTAKES ME AND I RUN
>REALIZE I CAN LOCK THEM OUT OF R&D IF I HACK FAST ENOUGH
>BUT IT'S TOO LATE
>DOOR IS EMAGGED OPEN AND ONE OF THE SCIENTISTS IS SHOT DEAD
>GRAB MY BOTTLE AND GET READY TO GLASS AN OP WITH A DOUBLE ESWORD
>GLASS AND TRY TO STAB HIM
>DOESN'T WORK
>DIE IN A BLAZE OF GLORY
>Awps win flawlessly minutes later

[Armhulen]

snip

cool story but what about this was good, if this was me i'd be in tears and regret for that door hack

[ShadowDimentio]

Sometimes victories are veiled in losses

[Cayce]

>You are the chaplain.
>You are the traitor!

>Objective: Kill a miner. Fuck.
Mental Image: Scouring Lava Planet, dying to ash storms.

I take Godhand, and since we're on efficiency, I grab the soul gem and smoke spell.
I run to HOP and ask for mining access to bring back the holy spark from the lava planet.

>Get in the mining shuttle, go to mining station.
My target is on the station, braindead. Six taps from the Godhand, and he goes down.
Another miner appears, finding me over the beheaded corpse of his coworker.
I attack! Hit him with the Godhand six times. He dies. I throw them both into lava, and leave.

>Objectives completed. Zero TC used.
>I decide to do my job.. and further religion.

Hanging out near the chapel, my soul gem starts itching, so I ambush the mime with smoke and Godhand him to death, and then turn him into my first follower, as a wraith.

I wander into Cooper and attack him too, he manages to get the best of me and I go down.
>Mental Images of Red Text

>I apologize and he shows mercy. Break into medbay for a medkit.
>While I'm in medbay, my follower brings me Cooper's corpse, and he joins my flock as my second.
>Cooper was a traitor. Gives me his code.

>Shuttle is called because fire is consuming science.
>I bless the fire, and head for escape.
>While aboard the escape shuttle, I soul-stone two others, giving myself a small army of otherworldly servants.

>End round with 40 unused TC in two traitor uplinks.

[confused rock]

I take Godhand, and since we're on efficiency, I grab the soul gem and smoke spell.

god hand is literally the worst chaplain weapon unless it is blob. god hand cannot knock anything down, you are better off getting dark blessing.

also I just remembered this
>be on dream
>go into the locker room toilets for no reason
>for some reason admins spawned a fuck ton of space cash in the toilets or something, with a combined value of about 200,000 cargo points
>go to cargo
>hos is there
>he emags the console
>asks me to help him get loads of cargo points
>I have 200,000 cargo points of space cash

[Anonmare]

I spawned that, someone prayed for about a million dollars I think and i told them it was in the bathroom and you happened to wander in and get it.