Dark Souls 3 - Fanfiction Edition

Drynwyn · Post by **Drynwyn** » Tue Apr 12, 2016 6:47 pm #168327

Bottom post of the previous page:

THE MIGHTY GALVATRON wrote:I CAN'T FEEL MY BODY!!! HELP!

git gud and die less nerd

Incomptinence · Tue Apr 12, 2016 9:27 pm

THE MIGHTY GALVATRON wrote:I CAN'T FEEL MY BODY!!! HELP!

Don't give up skull.

Bought like 700 prism stones for guide the newbie and sitting in little rainbow shapes.

Lumbermancer · Tue Apr 12, 2016 10:19 pm

wew, I pirated to see how it runs on a 10 year old computer.

Good enough to kill the crystal lizard guy dropping titanite on the first try, not good enough for first boss.

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Tue Apr 12, 2016 11:14 pm #168386

Anyone want to skype up and co-op Souls?

message me on steam

get on the teamspeak

So there's that room where you get the sunlight medalion in the undead settlement.
While being a mound fag I managed to lure someone in that room, then run down the stairs and block the door trapping him inside.
Was fucking great.

Drynwyn · Post by **Drynwyn** » Wed Apr 13, 2016 4:32 am #168428

How's invasions/signdrops as a mound-maker? I enjoy red eye orb invasion, but 3v1's for days gets obnoxious.

Mat13295 · Post by **Mat13295** » Wed Apr 13, 2016 8:02 am #168440

PVP invasions dead on arrival thanks to red phantoms needing to invade a host with at least one phantom (It's never one, it's always 4). I give it a week before everyone stops and just sticks to honourable duels via covenants.

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Wed Apr 13, 2016 11:28 am #168446

Not true. I've definitely been invaded while hanging out solo.

I'm more pissed off that Blue Sentinels got fucked, again.
Whenever I invade with the red orb I always get counter invaded by a sentinel.
Whenever I hang out in an area as a sentinel I never, ever get summoned.

I think some of the groups of people gang-banging in multicolored packs are coordinating this shit somehow?

I mound'ed into a huge fucking pack of people and they all immediately stopped doing what they were doing to come after me.
Even another dick wraith who invaded in after I showed up also made a bee-line for me.

Also while invading has anyone come across two hosts? Not sure how the fuck that happens but I've definitely seen two Embers hanging out together.

But yeah prepare for fucking hilarity. Lots of people using the dried finger to summon a huge pack of phantoms, then waiting for the two wraiths to show up and the sentinel.

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Wed Apr 13, 2016 11:41 am #168447

While I'm still bitching about shit:

Holy fuck is being a Pyromancer rough now. You're basically invested into the same build as a Hexer, but without the super sweet hexes to stomp all over people in PVP with.

You have fucking.nothing. of actual utility to use on people in PVP. The best I've got so far is throwing acid clouds in people's faces just to laugh at them as their gear breaks and then they uppercut my fucking head off because I'm a weak bitch with awful stats just so I can use this shit. Fireballs are too slow and have no range. Even the splash damage one. Shotgun blast got nerfed to shit for some reason. Fire spray and spread shot are still garbage, but they've always been garbage.

On the sorcery front everything is garbage except for Farron Flashsword, which is HILARIOUSLY BROKEN tier. JEEEEEEEESUS I LOVE THIS THING. It's the only thing I have going for me in PVP now, and holy shit does it GO.

Drynwyn · Post by **Drynwyn** » Wed Apr 13, 2016 2:21 pm #168459

Note to self: Acquire Farron Flashsword.

I've been having a little bit of success with invasions- sometimes I get an actual 1v1. Rare, though. I've earned 7 tongues and they were all a bitch and a half to get.

Maybe once we get further from launch more people will be in human form without phantoms.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed Apr 13, 2016 2:43 pm #168465

I mean assuming it works the same as in DS1 most people go human so they can get a co-op friend for a hard area or boss, so when invading you can usually assume you will be jumping into a gank squad, or more rarely a guy looking for 1v1 co-op/a noob who does not know what human form does

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Wed Apr 13, 2016 3:53 pm #168472

Drynwyn wrote:Note to self: Acquire Farron Flashsword.

It turns your catalyst into a lightsaber.

People see you running around with your staff out and think they got you in CQC. So they start to play footsie with you.

Then you start slashing the shit out of them with a magic weapon that has ridiculous range, is fast as fuck, costs little stamina, locks 'em up, and scales upwards based on your INT and catalyst.

Once I started using it my record against invaders and during invasions skyrocketed. The thing is amazing.

Note that you DO need a fucking ton of FP to get a lot of use out of it, though. If you have enough attunement for three+ slots you should be good to start shreking it up tho.

Drynwyn · Post by **Drynwyn** » Wed Apr 13, 2016 4:52 pm #168480

I'm running a Dex/Int build with the Crystal Sage's Rapier/a magic-buffed Uchigatana at the moment, so I'm gonna try mixing up Flashsword hits with weapon attacks at a lower attunement.

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Wed Apr 13, 2016 5:00 pm #168482

Probably not worth it for you tbh. FF is there so wizzads don't just get shit on in close combat.

Quality builds will still rip your head off and fuck the ragged stump of a neck. I swear to fuck every invader I suffer through these days is a dude doing nothing but spamming GS/UGS but it fucking works so good.

I gotta get back on my parry game. Fuck.

FF is fun to use and against people who aren't expecting it and have built into nothing but HUMAN BUZZSAW it works.
But don't get me wrong, if I could start over knowing everything I know now I wouldn't touch any kind of sorcery/pyromancy/miracle shit at all.

STR/DEX in beatsticks still rule the day.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed Apr 13, 2016 5:08 pm #168483

Question. Can i Oscar of Astora cosplay again?

EndgamerAzari · Wed Apr 13, 2016 5:10 pm

I'm playing an obsidian-skinned golem-looking motherfucker and planning on going heavy armor, tower shields, and tons of poise.

His name is Contraption.

CONTRAPTION DOES NOT MOVE

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Wed Apr 13, 2016 5:23 pm #168486

I should explain my schizophrenia regarding how good FF is.

I'm experiencing, like, some kind of fucking ember ecology wherein I invade someone, rip them to pieces with FF, and then Tyrone the Dark Wraith invades me and does shit I'm not allowed to show on stream or I'll get banned from twitch.tv
It's a vicious cycle of invading someone, kicking them off a cliff, slashing them to bits, or just watching them get killed by the world...then almost immediately the tax man comes to collect my shit.

FF is really good compared to all the shit I have that doesn't work at all. So, that it can work at all is comparatively amazing.
When I'm invading and I'm mentally prepared and I've got my 2-3 split flasks ready to rock it's good.
When I'm caught with my pants down in the middle of strolling around exploring a new zone, FF isn't saving this sinking boat.

Laharl Monthy · Wed Apr 13, 2016 6:22 pm

I missed the mound-maker covenant.

IT MAKES ME SAD.

Drynwyn · Post by **Drynwyn** » Wed Apr 13, 2016 8:13 pm #168508

Yeah, magic in general- except for the utility spells and weapon buffs- seems to have been nerfed to shit. I may just transition into quality with enough int and faith for the good utility spells.

That said, Hidden Body and Hidden Weapon are still tons of fun, especially in a 3v1. Gotta love just waltzing past three sunbros and HEYO, I JUST STUCK A KNIFE IN YOUR HOE'S ASS AND NOW HE'S DEAD.

HOE = Host Of Embers.

Takeguru · Post by **Takeguru** » Wed Apr 13, 2016 9:21 pm #168520

Irythial Dungeon is fucking nightmarish

Those fuckers with the brands, FUCK

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Thu Apr 14, 2016 3:12 am #168566

To balance out how awesome Mound-Makers is their rewards aren't all that hot.

The gameplay is a ton of fun but what you get for doing it is kinda meh.

Oh, also:

The fucking places the game spawns you in when you're entering someone's world using your soapstone are fucking hilarious.
It's like someone forgot that Mound-makers who use the sign aren't wraiths and have to fight enemies just like every other phantom.
Expect to get called into someone's world only to immediately get murdered when the game spawns you in the middle of a pack of guys.

Irithyl and Cathus are both just a fucking joke for that. If you go in there as a MM I wish you all the luck in getting a spawn that doesn't result in you immediately getting gang-banged. You're going to need it.

Incomptinence · Thu Apr 14, 2016 4:54 am

Actually try putting down mound sign for once after red eye running me into heaps of twink teams.

Spawn in roughly nothing is dead I am near the wall shortcut. Host comes down we kill some dogs then go up to where the angst peasant is I figure he wants to use it as an arena.

Back totally to me he is searching the dead end there the guy is actually new I literally am targeting him and he has no idea what I am. I then give up and leave a treasure trail out of the dead end.

A dick wraith appears quandary solved! Dude probably thinks purple guys aren't out to kill him fuck.

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Thu Apr 14, 2016 5:00 am #168575

Yeah they're new to DS3 and some people who aren't getting spoilers don't know what the fuck you are when you show up.

They can target you, so they get antsy. People will start shaking their shield at you and bowing like they want to fight.
Turn around and show them that you can kill enemies. Watch them lose all sense of reality and not know what the fuck to do with you.

10000/10 literally given me a whole new lease on this franchise I love this fucking covenant

People locked on to me with their shield raised and I just no-lock walk right past them with my shield down swag as fuck purple pimp.
Smash some random enemy with my mace. "Oh he's on my team...?" Then I use emit force when we cross a bridge or ledge together and GOTTEM

It's also perfect for forcing co-op on people. Don't want to summon phantoms? Too fucking bad, bro, this phantom summons YOU.
Now we run around smashing enemies together and I just dark crystal out when we get to a bonfire or boss gate. GG would bro with again.

It's the perfect covenant for farming a fuckton of souls because you FORCE yourself into other people's games, you collect souls from everyone you kill or they kill, and even if you get horrible murdered you don't lose any souls or anything.
That's right friend you keep everything you earned and you don't have to go pick up your shit like you were invading or something. Failed to kill the host? Oh well, still made some souls tho. Co-op with someone else feels pointless? Nah man, free easy souls by the fuckton, plus maybe they slip and fall off a cliff and you profit anyway.

Drynwyn · Post by **Drynwyn** » Thu Apr 14, 2016 5:31 am #168578

An0n3 wrote:even if you get horrible murdered you don't lose any souls or anything.
That's right friend you keep everything you earned and you don't have to go pick up your shit like you were invading or something. Failed to kill the host? Oh well, still made some souls tho. Co-op with someone else feels pointless? Nah man, free easy souls by the fuckton, plus maybe they slip and fall off a cliff and you profit anyway.

WHAT

Fuck this tongue shit, I'm starting a Spine Pile.

Although after this last patch I've invaded into many fewer 3v1s and gotten more 2v2s, 1v2,s and even 1v2's- could be coincidence, though. (One memorable invasion had the poor host get 1v3'd when a mad phantom, a watchdog of farron, and myself all showed up at the same time, looked at each other, and proceeded to take out our gank-related anger on his asshole.)

Also: Has anyone else mentally referred to every enemy as "______ Asshole"? IE: Worms Asshole, Saw Asshole, Pot Asshole, Blue Asshole, Red Asshole, etc, etc, etc.

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Thu Apr 14, 2016 6:21 am #168583

If you invade via red eye/orb you will have to run and pick up your souls if you get spanked.

If you just use your soapstone, win or lose you will return to your world afterwards with all the spoils no running around.

It's super easy to just sit on a bonfire and keep writing your sign down, raking in a fuckton of souls and vertebrae shackles. The most you ever have to worry about is when you actually win because someone will almost always immediately invade you afterwards.

The worst I ever saw someone get it is when I invaded as the purple phantom, then two hounds of farron showed up. Yeah I went from bro-ops to calmly-watching-host-get-reamed-while-sipping-my-coffee-on-a-hill-over-here.

Also important to note for ruse-control: as a mad phantom the Mound-Maker's healing miracles WILL heal the host and other phantoms. As a wraith they don't. Mad Phantoms seem to occupy their own slot, but when invading as a wraith you will occupy the wraith slot.

So, at max I can figure, a host could have three phantoms, a mad phantom, two dark wraiths, and a blue sentinel running around all at once. I saw this 5 v 3 insanity once but one of the faggot dark wraiths attacked me instead.

Drynwyn · Post by **Drynwyn** » Thu Apr 14, 2016 1:33 pm #168607

Thus far I'm pleasantly surprised by the skill level of the Blue Sentinels I've encountered. In DS2 it was a nearly universal truth that blueberries suck at PvP. In DS3 so far the blue sents are actually quite capable!

Zellion · Post by **Zellion** » Thu Apr 14, 2016 4:35 pm #168619

Ive literally never been summoned as a

Spoiler:

I just want to kill reds

EndgamerAzari · Thu Apr 14, 2016 5:09 pm

Man, that nutsack tree fight is awful.

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Thu Apr 14, 2016 5:14 pm #168627

Chaos Storm is the the official pyromancy of ISIS. ALLAH AKBAR.

Takeguru · Post by **Takeguru** » Thu Apr 14, 2016 6:43 pm #168649

I've been running around as a Mound Maker on my mage

I wear the white ring and the host gets all antsy but then he gives up caring

I do this fun little thing where I run around collecting enemies and then run past him with the lemming train in hot pursuit
Everquest 1 Nostalgia, D'vinn to zone

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Thu Apr 14, 2016 7:35 pm #168667

Yeah I do that a lot. I don't have the White Ring yet tho.

I just heard someone smash a controller in frustration from across the country.
Being a Mound Bro, helping the host out and just chilling when a wild dick wraith appears.

I gesture that I don't want to fight and back off and watch them duel.
They go into it, it's fucking epic. Two sword guys just dancing all over the fucking place. They were using the pressure plates in Cathus to fire traps at eachother intentionally. Really good tech. At one point of the guys was switching between his sword and punches to vary his rhythm.

So the Dark Wraith gets the host down to just about dead when I throw a Chaos Bed Vestiges in his face and nuke him. Host jumps for joy while I just golf clap.

DrPillzRedux · Thu Apr 14, 2016 8:28 pm

I really, really hate the weapon upgrade level being factored into matchmaking. After +2 on my weapon loads of signs disappeared and I started getting invaded by twinks. Should have just been soul level.

Takeguru · Post by **Takeguru** » Thu Apr 14, 2016 9:31 pm #168684

The problem with only sl matchmaking is that eventually you'll have the SL 20 jackasses memeing on new players with +10 weapons

It's not a perfect system but it's better than not having it in place

It's also leagues more forgiving than soul memory was

Drynwyn · Post by **Drynwyn** » Thu Apr 14, 2016 9:32 pm #168685

DrPillzRedux wrote:I really, really hate the weapon upgrade level being factored into matchmaking. After +2 on my weapon loads of signs disappeared and I started getting invaded by twinks. Should have just been soul level.

I think it's good to account for it, but it should use the highest upgraded weapon in your inventory rather than the highest level weapon you've ever touched.

Incomptinence · Thu Apr 14, 2016 9:54 pm

Lead dude to bonfire. He starts waving and trying to black separation crystal me. Baby oh baby please.

As a fucking scrub who hasn't left the wall because of mad japes really +2 scaling infused weapons level 20 seems to be the thing. There is tons of good pvpop there you just need to not use your red eye.

Twink teams reset their invasion timer constantly with dried fingers, these guys let's call them knuckle draggers make the red eye orb almost pointless for now. You put a sign down near a bonfire and you get duels, literal newbies and maybe a modest 2v1, knuckles draggers are too busy hyucking it up or hiding in a choke point to go back there usually.

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Thu Apr 14, 2016 10:26 pm #168694

Mound phantom'ed my way into some using the dried finger in Catacombs of Carthus, my preferred hang. Need to kill 2 phantoms to get my bone uh oh.

As I arrive he has just murdered one Dark Wraith, immediately after I arrive another one appears. This gon b good.
Go uptop and look out across the bridge. Yep, it's a fucking army of phantoms.

But that's okay.

I am on a holy mission of Jihad and these infidels clumping together are just what I need.

The other dark wraith gets there first and makes the ballsy move to just get into the thick of things, he's mixing it up with the host and a sunbro.
I pull the pin on my Chaos Bed Vestiges and hurl it into the fray. Allahu Akbar I whisper.

One shot thermal detonator kills everyone.

Drynwyn · Post by **Drynwyn** » Fri Apr 15, 2016 12:38 am #168712

I've been thinking about trying pyromancy. Sounds like it's treated you well Anon?

I've been taking tongues in the Farron swampy place- there's loads of mobs to bait hosts into, many of which (Darkwraiths, giant crabs, crystal liggers, tree trunk assholes) are quite deadly without your help.

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Fri Apr 15, 2016 3:06 am #168745

It's getting better. Even if I can snap my fingers and throw giant beachballs of death at people it's not hard to just roll around them and then ruin my whole world with a greatsword.

I've had to GIT GUD at using the level and blind spots to ambush and one-shot people. Anytime there's a hole you can drop down through you better believe I'm waiting nearby for you to either run through it or walk underneath it.
Bottlenecks, stage hazards, etc. That's my shit. The added insanity of having to ALSO fight all the enemies in the level just makes it extra spicy.

>tfw you have 70,000 souls and you don't want to spend any of them because you don't want to level out of your favorite PVP spot

EDIT: By the by, I'm not sure if there's a third level to the covenants hiding away or what? I keep earning bones and handing them in, but I've gotten the first two rewards already. They keep taking 'em, so I keep handing them in. I have no idea how many I've given in at this point, I wasn't really keeping count.

DOUBLE EDIT: Holy shit if you're a mound bro and you kill another mound bro you get two bones. This is getting fierce.

Drynwyn · Post by **Drynwyn** » Fri Apr 15, 2016 4:04 am #168749

Holy SHIT the Farron Greatsword.

It's damage isn't the best for an UGS and it has all the weaknesses of being a boss weapon, but that FUCKING MOVESET.

The twohanded l1 and the things it can combo into is PROBABLY the coolest attack I've seen in the Souls game so far. Fuck Dex/Int I'm rebuilding myself around this shit.

TechnoAlchemist · Fri Apr 15, 2016 5:50 am

Beat the game was pretty good.

Definitely the hardest souls installment I've played but I'm hype to roll a dex character and go hard with pvp

Incomptinence · Fri Apr 15, 2016 6:03 am

Most disappointing weapon skill I think are the the shield ones that say "weapon skill" and let you use your mainhand weapon skill. Literally has the same delay as swapping to 2h and changing to stance and so far they are have worse stats than parry shields that have the advantage of you know parry. Going dex/str so far not and only just beat woody (I literally restarted the game thief is cancer) found a claymore but the damage isn't great enough to compensate for the broadswords swifter strikes. It surprises the unobservant really I like to think they mistake it for the longsword.

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Fri Apr 15, 2016 7:12 am #168768

Oh my god the gravy train has arrived.

I'm slaugthering everyone with my build now.

Glass cannon dark sorceries with the Izalith staff. INT/FAI stacking damage. That dark homing soul shit is back and it's as bonkers as ever. There's a dark greatsword magic attack as well.

My biggest problem now is the race to just murder a second or third guy before I fade away just because I can.

Also I do need to give myself a bit of credit for skilling up. I've gotten a lot better fast. I'm hitting parries on dudes with daggers. I've gotten much better at holding my own in CQC against overwhelming threats.
I'm actually starting to win, which is really fucking humiliating considering I've got the bare-bones stats for a Pyromancer (12str, 9dex, wielding a Deep Mace +6, grass crest shield).

Clubbing a katana fag in plate mail to death while I'm dressed up like a magical witch girl wielding ye olde beat sticke just feels wrong but also so right.

EDIT: Decided to try out Aldrich Faithful for a hot minute. This covenant is the cheesiest garbage ever invented. Holy fuck.

Takeguru · Post by **Takeguru** » Fri Apr 15, 2016 1:30 pm #168827

Aldrich Faithful is disgusting

You get so many invasions and if you get overwhelmed you can just hide behind the archers as a last "fuck you" to anyone trying to play

Drynwyn · Post by **Drynwyn** » Fri Apr 15, 2016 1:49 pm #168829

I still can't into parry.

Like, I can learn to parry a given enemy by trial and error, but I have no clear idea when parry frames start up and end. Do they start immediately? After a moment? It's hard to tell!

Also, sometimes I parry and take damage but still get the riposte, did they change how parry works or something? I recall it being a 100% block in previous games.

EndgamerAzari · Fri Apr 15, 2016 2:09 pm

Finally got a blunt weapon last night. Then several more. I'm working on buffing my strength to the point I can one-hand the Vordt mace. Still need to get a tower shield, though.

Zellion · Post by **Zellion** » Fri Apr 15, 2016 3:31 pm #168843

Vordt mace and 40 str got me through the game, god bless the poise damage. I was staggering bosses.

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Fri Apr 15, 2016 3:59 pm #168849

What level were you guys when you completed the game?
I'm doing my best to avoid leveling and I'm at 63.

But yeah Aldrich is fucking NO FUN ALLOWED covenant of complete bullshit.
Nobody gets through that shit while kindled. It's hard enough with ARROWSTORM going on, but add two phantoms into the mix and it's guaranteed murder time.

I had one guy slip through.

One.

And it was a sorcerer build using stealth magic to avoid being locked on/detected by enemies AND a seed of the giant so the phantoms had to play footsie with all the enemies.
So it's not technically impossible, as long as you're willing to completely retool yourself for this one section and burn some items.
I feel like everyone would just complete this one section of the whole game in offline mode, but the fact that I can't walk ten feet in my own world without getting yanked into someone else's cathedral says otherwise.

I went from the one dreg you get from joining to like...32 in just a couple hours of playing in the covenant.
I've got so many kills recorded I could make an MLG pro get out of my cathedral dubstep montage.

I will say this about the story:

Spoiler:

Takeguru · Post by **Takeguru** » Fri Apr 15, 2016 4:08 pm #168853

I haven't yet

My closest character is right after the Grand Archives and it's at 80~

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Fri Apr 15, 2016 4:18 pm #168855

Also what are everyone's character names? If I happen to come across you I'll go easy on you at least lube up first.

I named my pyromancer after Megumin, because explosion magic is the best magic.

So far I've only encountered one definite hacker. Guy was such a fucking moron he still fell off the bridge and died anyway.
...then the host summoned him again and he walked through all of Aldrich while completely invulnerable. Could still knock his ass around though, so we at least juggled him in a corner for a bit.

Drynwyn · Post by **Drynwyn** » Fri Apr 15, 2016 4:23 pm #168857

My character's name is Cielie. You'd best pray you never come across it because if you do I'll ram an unparriable farron greatsword sweep so far up your pyromancy flame you'll think you cast Iron Flesh.

Seriously thought that Farron Greatsword L1 is INSANE- almost no weapons can actually hit you while you're executing the attack, I think it might actually have iframes. It's a dodge, a lunge, and a deadly, huge-aoe attack all in one.

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Fri Apr 15, 2016 4:32 pm #168861

I used it for a bit but it didn't do enough damage for the cost and the windup.

I prefer Great Combustion or Black Flame for the same effect; bigass hitbox in front of you like a shotgun blast.
Currently I'm using Dark Edge instead, it's like FG but it's an overhead hit, gets bonuses for being a Dark spell, and does more damage. Windup is still slow, but it has decent tracking to make up for it. Very easy to just backstep and then bring it down on someone's head after they whiff.

Probably get a lot more use out of FG if I wasn't splitting INT/FAI and was just all in on INT. I could use a tongue and test it out but like I said I used it before earlier on and dropped it for Farron Flashsword at the time.

Besides, we should all know by now what the truly greatest spell in the game is, right?

THE MIGHTY GALVATRON · Fri Apr 15, 2016 5:20 pm

I'm soul level 43 with my highest stat being Dex at 26, probably should have split my points so much but whatever. Currently running though the Cathedral of the Deep after missing it somehow. Named, THE LAW. Because Blue Sentinels and justice and whatever.