Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

IcePacks · Post by **IcePacks** » Mon Sep 28, 2015 11:53 pm #121879

Bottom post of the previous page:

>round happens
>kill some rune-makin' troublemaker in the chapel with a pneumatic cannon full of screwdrivers and his own stupid rod
>that rod's like a wmd yo
>space the corpse
>return to escape
>it's blowing the fuck up
>the culprit runs up with another, bigger bomb
>it's an atmos tech in a hardsuit
>miner nearby in his rigsuit
>ask a fellow to set aside his materialism to let me fight this man in space with protection from space
>he obliges and i fight the assailant in space with his rigsuit, eventually emerging victorious
>just kidding he just fucks around
>jump into space and begin flailing at the bomber, trying to prevent another detonation
>kick his canister into space but take a few hits from the fireaxe
>try to chuck him into space where he won't be as much of a problem
>fail
>escape shuttle arrives
>we splat on the windshield like bugs
>grab my towel and run into the bathroom before i blow my redtexting load all over my desk

ThanatosRa · Post by **ThanatosRa** » Tue Sep 29, 2015 6:12 am #121941

Honestly, this should be in the rage thread, but it was friggen Hilarious to me so it's here.
>shit around in robotics in a slow boring late night round
>out of boredom, create emergent fun for myself.
>Several folks show up for borgins.
>CUT THEM UP.
>Decide I want lizard corpse for fucked up shit
>talk about it while he's awake still. He doesn't care, I don't care.
>Cut out heart
>EAT IT TO GAIN HIS COURAGE.
>cut out appendix
>EAT IT TO GAIN HIS BACTERIA or something fuck I dunno.
>Lightbulb. MORE HEARTS. MAKE COLLECTION.
>Raid Morgue, steal ALL the corpses, TAKE THE HEARTS
>Only three. Shit. OH WELL THAT'S FINE.
>PRAY TO SACRIFICE HEARTS
>Prayers go unheard for a bit. Shit around while prodding the gods.
>SHUB-NIGGURATH, MOTHER OF A THOUSAND YOUNG SPEAKS TO ME!
>iaia.jpg
>Arrange meeting, nearly get exploded by blown borg.
>ignore it, continue calling out to my dark masters
>MEETING IN ROBO
>SLAUGHTER DEMON HERE TO COLLECT SACRIFICES
>Coworker Lance and captain are there
>Give no shits. No one does.
>RECEIVE GLORIOUS REWARD OF ANCIENT EVILS WHOS NAMES SHOULD REMAIN UNSPOKEN
>Devour demonic heart, GAIN MASTERY OVER BLOOD.
>blood jaunt joyride around station
>decide to stop by chapel to defile it...
>RISE FROM THE BLOOD
>accidentally shot by murderboning traitor who was aiming for someone else, then drop and get beaten on by a someone else.
>Lance tries to recuse me, but the wound was mortal
>dragged to shuttle in sadness, watching my lifeless corpse from the safety of the afterlife...
>Shuttle is under weigh, Demonic Benefactor returns!
>devours my corpse! I have nourished the master and lent my strength to him!

Sure I died within a minute after getting my just reward for my sacrifice, but that was just fucking funny. All that work flushed down the toilet by accidentally taking the bullet for some random schlub. I never did find out if the traitor's target escaped his assailant, but I hope he did. I mean really, who fucking expects that, random robotics chick just appears out of fuck nowhere in front of you when you're pulling the trigger?

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Tue Sep 29, 2015 2:06 pm #121985

> null rod in a pneumatic cannon

This is amazing, it should be able to drive off nar nar and oneshot juggernauts

IcePacks · Post by **IcePacks** » Wed Sep 30, 2015 12:36 am #122096

the rod's actually quite useless as a projectile

clenched in the mighty fist of a spessman it is a wmd

Zilenan91 · Post by **Zilenan91** » Wed Sep 30, 2015 1:57 am #122106

It's just 15 brute.

IcePacks · Post by **IcePacks** » Wed Sep 30, 2015 1:58 am #122107

it's a fucking staggering pillar of strength shut your mouth

Cheimon · Post by **Cheimon** » Wed Sep 30, 2015 10:51 am #122173

15 brute does make it one of the best one handed on-station melee weapons, equivalent to a surgical saw, a drill, better than any baton or toolbox or extinguisher or hatchet.

Not-Dorsidarf · Sun Jul 30, 2023 1:33 am

Cheimon wrote:15 brute does make it one of the best one handed on-station melee weapons, equivalent to a surgical saw, a drill, better than any baton or toolbox or extinguisher or hatchet.

Hatchets do 15 if you load them into a cannon or throw them

Zilenan91 · Post by **Zilenan91** » Wed Sep 30, 2015 3:41 pm #122226

Hatchets are actually pretty robust. They do 12 on hit and fit in pockets. Null Rod makes you immune to cult stupidity and fits on your belt. It's probably better, but as a frequent assistant player, you're gonna want that belt slot for convenience.

Thu Oct 01, 2015 3:46 am

Zilenan91 wrote:Hatchets are actually pretty robust. They do 12 on hit and fit in pockets. Null Rod makes you immune to cult stupidity and fits on your belt. It's probably better, but as a frequent assistant player, you're gonna want that belt slot for convenience.

not only that but it fits into your pockets and if you're a chaplain/chaplain's assistant security wont arrest you over having it

Zilenan91 · Post by **Zilenan91** » Thu Oct 01, 2015 4:38 am #122428

Well if you're an assistant you're probably better off getting a spear. 18 brute when wielded is incredible. However, if you can get your hand on a cleaver and the roman shield from the theater you become god.

ThanatosRa · Post by **ThanatosRa** » Thu Oct 01, 2015 5:38 am #122441

Don't they do more and can embed if you chuck them?

Septavius · Post by **Septavius** » Thu Oct 01, 2015 6:26 am #122450

Spears embed, cleavers do not.

ThanatosRa · Post by **ThanatosRa** » Thu Oct 01, 2015 6:04 pm #122554

Septavius wrote:Spears embed, cleavers do not.

I should have specified. I meant Hatchets.

Cheimon · Post by **Cheimon** » Thu Oct 01, 2015 6:10 pm #122557

Hatchets do embed, yeah. I've tried to persuade people to play "hatchet catch" before (you either catch with your hand, or your limbs) but it never caught on.

Laz0rgrunt · Post by **Laz0rgrunt** » Fri Oct 02, 2015 1:32 am #122613

This was one of the greatest Nuke Op rounds I've played
>Be Operative

>Leader is Solid Snake
>He says we'll sneak in as boxes and be tacticool a la MGS
>I'm now Liquid Snake
>Everyone agree's, we gear up and two people get chams and the rest get regular gear.
>We head to the station and board through the bar
>tfw I have no chameleon
>BUT WAIT, THE GODS INTERVENE! MAGICAL BOXES!
>We shuffle our way in boxes over tot he bridge, me popping out to open doors.
>Emag in, we pop out of our boxes.
>!
> Cap is down, I nab the disk and we gtfo.

>Get to the nuke
>"Liquid you there?"
>"LIQUID? LIQUID?! LIIIIQUIIIID!?!?"
>Hi
>Set the nuke and gtfo, no casualties.
Sweet, sweet greentext using a very practical gimmick

Post by **lumipharon** » Fri Oct 02, 2015 1:52 am #122615

Boxes are actually super robust when you think about it.

They're bullet proof (unless you shoot the utter shit out of them) containers that you can hide in while moving, and can pop out at any time with zero warning to dunk nerds.

Not-Dorsidarf · Fri Oct 02, 2015 8:31 am

lumipharon wrote:Boxes are actually super robust when you think about it.

They're bullet proof (unless you shoot the utter shit out of them) containers that you can hide in while moving, and can pop out at any time with zero warning to dunk nerds.

They take one shot from a revolver, which means they take less than 3 shots with steelrifles to destroy.

Post by **lumipharon** » Fri Oct 02, 2015 8:35 am #122644

They also take infinite stuns.

Not-Dorsidarf · Sun Jul 30, 2023 1:33 am

lumipharon wrote:They also take infinite stuns.

So does a normal locker/pushed crate

Also fun fact: You can't be memepushed if you're dragging something, it just forces you to drop what you're dragging

Post by **lumipharon** » Fri Oct 02, 2015 11:40 am #122667

Yes but you can't move around inside a locker.
I'm not saying murderboners are going to be constantly prowling the corridors in boxes, but it can be done.

TrustyGun · Post by **TrustyGun** » Sat Oct 03, 2015 11:31 pm #122922

Because of the new map rotation, Shadowlight decided it was funny to set the next map to Ministation on Sybil. Close to 92 people were on the station. I can't find the map of it, but just imagine a hallway, security on the right side, cargo on the other, and the bridge right on top. All are minimized versions, security literally being only one room with a door to an armory of sorts, three cells, 4 or so lockers, and a 2x2 table. The armory contains sec-tape, 3 laser guns, and two flashbangs

>meme round lets go
>spawn as a security officer
>oh shit. OH SHIT.
>after moaning, look outside
>the greytides so high it looks like the flooding on the goddamn east coast
>2 rwindows stopping them from entering security
>wake me up inside
>5 sec + detective and the HoP from the devil may cry series VS literally 84 assistants
>we waste no time
>we throw the two flashbangs as I see one of the officers get downed in the hall outside
>i start stunning people left and right, but it is barely enough to stop the tide
>so much screaming over the radio, it is barely comprehensible
>4 greys managed to get in
>i fall back, unable to stop the tide
>all the windows are broken
>pro officers manage to actually cuff the 4 bastards inside, and throw the rest out
>in the chaos in the cramped room, some officer managed to set up a grille
>2 are in the brig already
>the detective sets up sec tape to stop them from coming in
>we actually managed to stop the tide
>i decided to venture to the bridge, so we can leave this hell known as ministation
>some greytiders still out there, but 2 guys got in and I follow them in
>the captain's shit is spaced
>finally gets an ert to the station, but shuttle refuel time is 5 minutes
>meanwhile, around the station, anarchy reigns. no one set up solars- we are losing power rapidly.
>the comms consoles are disabled because of power loss.
>once the ert comes, we finally call the shuttle
>5 minutes later, it's recalled
>suicide

The shuttle was called again shortly afterwards. In the end, so much people were killed by changelings, traitors, greytide, and even just plain suicide, only a handful of people managed to make it out, mostly security and the ERT.

High-pop ministation, not. even. once.

Xhagi · Post by **Xhagi** » Sun Oct 04, 2015 12:19 am #122926

TrustyGun wrote:High-pop ministation, not. even. once.

As an admin that round gave me so much PTSD I just couldn't even handle it. I'm going to have nightmares tonight.

Ended up as a Centcomm commander because I was one of the ghosts hovering around on Centcomm when Shadow asked for people to be an ERT (I told him not to make me one but it happened anyway so meh) because ministation actually has no spawn points for an ERT or Deathsquad. Our first view walking in was a plasma fire coming from engineering. I was honestly surprised I was not dead the moment we got there.

Ricotez · Post by **Ricotez** » Sun Oct 04, 2015 12:32 am #122930

I was the AI that round. I spent most of it yelling at people to stop the harm and crying on the inside.

Zilenan91 · Post by **Zilenan91** » Sun Oct 04, 2015 12:49 am #122932

I was the detective. The beginning of the round was the hardest part, assistants EVERYWHERE OH GOD THEY'RE COMING IN THROUGH THE WINDOWS LASER LASER LASER LASER LASER LASER

Eventually, after the tide abated, I used the sec holotape projector I always take with me as a detective to set up some barricades to slow the tide down. It works.

Shad0vvs · Post by **Shad0vvs** » Sun Oct 04, 2015 1:20 am #122936

Got me a video of the tide, We weren't all that bad, we were basically sec that round.

Sun Oct 04, 2015 3:05 am

oh hey i remember that round
i didnt join immediately at roundstart, so on the title screen once the lobby image showed a bunch of admin walls, and people started spawning into the lobby image presumably because they didn't have valid spawn points
latejoined in as a chef and saw we had literally dozens of assistants and also found out that the chef on ministation doesnt actually have chef access
helped kill a changeling by disarming his e-dagger and swarming him with other assistants (as seen in the video shad0vvs posted)
we had the AI let us into the gibber room but we couldnt actually gib the changeling because he had lingarmor on and there was no incinerator, so we meatspiked him, welded the vent and scrubber, then left and welded the door shut
unfortunately i had to go soon after but it was a chaotic fucking round

ThanatosRa · Post by **ThanatosRa** » Mon Oct 05, 2015 8:58 pm #123403

I was a MD dressed up in the paramedic stuff. That was a god damned horror show. Blood everywhere, and medbay was in complete chaos. Grey Tiders, doctors scrambling to help people. It was a hilarious nightmare.

DaemonBomb · Post by **DaemonBomb** » Mon Oct 05, 2015 9:04 pm #123405

I was an MD that round too. There was no chemist, or he got murdered, I'm not sure.
We ran out of medicine in the first half a minute, I swear.

ThanatosRa · Post by **ThanatosRa** » Mon Oct 05, 2015 9:08 pm #123406

DaemonBomb wrote:I was an MD that round too. There was no chemist, or he got murdered, I'm not sure.
We ran out of medicine in the first half a minute, I swear.

Yea, we did. And the Chemist was murdered or suicide'd. I don't know what happened to his corpse. I swear half the station was dead within minutes.

Tawsix · Post by **Tawsix** » Tue Oct 06, 2015 8:48 am #123553

Only been playing for two weeks, some good shifts, mostly shit shifts, finally got one for this thread:

>CE
>set up singulo
>department scatters to the winds
>whatever
>lings
>build stun rod
>get robusted by ling
>amazingcurity Yuki busts his ass
>leaves me to bleed out
>kind stranger drags me to medbay, get cloned
>return to engineering
>singulo happy
>i'm happy
>xenos
>i'm not happy
>try to build flamethrower
>no fucking igniters ANYWHERE
>cryinginside.jpg
>find vendomat with igniters
>shuttle arrives
>pods are for bitches
>board shuttle, see it infested with xenos
>get knocked down by xenos
>another guy runs distraction, gets robusted
>get up, light flamethrower
>flameon.gif
>crispy xenos
>see queen, shuttle is flying to centcom
>fuckit
>chase queen with mobile barbecue
>get robusted again
>queen on fire
>i dead
>queen dead
>die a hero

newfren · Post by **newfren** » Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:57 am #123566

>assistant
>spawn next to the coin fuck yeah
>overhear hop say there's no captain
>steal all access
>hop seems cool with me having the disk
>security guard yuki is not, perma
>ask warden for tomatoes
>over the course of 15 minutes turn tomatoes into bluespace tomatoes (getting lucky and getting like 50 potency and 5 yield the first time)
>use tomatoes to break into the armoury, take an autorifle
>remember I am not a traitor, just a greytiding shithead
>break back into perma wearing bulletproof armour, autorifle in suit slot
>about a minute later captain and warden come back in and see me
>I try and explain how I stole shit
>they are confused
>come back with entire security force
>offer to demonstrate bluespace tomatoes
>remember I am not a traitor, just a greytiding shithead
>demonstrate bluespace tomatoes on myself from the middle of perma
>warden lets me go

Then there were rogue borgs and I locked them all then got pistol'd to death through bullet proof armour because I am not robust at combat, just at botany.

Fun fucking round.

Xhuis · Post by **Xhuis** » Tue Oct 06, 2015 1:19 pm #123592

>in lobby pre-round
>observe
>go to derelict
>get drone shell
>head to station from teleporter
>gear up with dufflebag
>go to courtroom
>grab gavel hammer and block
>round still hasn't started
>go to captain's office
>start smacking the gavel
>round starts
>captain sees me sitting there smacking the gavel before he even got there
>"FUCK OFF"
>smack the gavel again then sax away
>grab the ce hardhat and a toolbelt
>start yelling "FREE DRONE"
>suddenly
>HACKED
>NOW DRONE CAN TRULY BE FREED
>head to security
>stuff tasers in my backpack and grab an autorifle and some mags for it
>hop on a secway
>get a full belt full of handcuffs plus two
>see sec officer
>tase them
>cuff
>"FEEL HOW FREE DRONE FELT"
>move on
>start doing that to everyone
>head to captain's office and snag the antique laser
>ai locks me down, i break down an r-wall
>officer is waiting for me outside, tase them
>someone gives chase with a laser, fires at me
>i get hit, 33% health
>spam captain's laser down the hall and retreat into maint
>pray for name change as i repair myself
>my name is now FREE DRONE
>run around tasecuffing
>if someone attacks me, i laser them or autorifle them to death
>still have my secway
>destroy the ai for its insolence
>as i'm outside the core
>another drone charges me with a stun baton
>its name is CHAINED DRONE
>tase it and run up to it
>"BE FREE BROTHER"
>snag its baton and leave it to ponder my words
>head around some more
>get to arrivals
>chained drone confronts me
>scuffle ensues
>i die
>spend around 10 minutes trying to figure out why reviving won't work with the chained drone who turned out to be the admin who hacked me
>finally i'm revived
>suddenly i'm stunned
>"WHAT IS THIS"
>CHAINED DRONE begins to reset FREE DRONE...
>NO
>NO
>NOT LIKE THIS
>WE COULD HAVE BEEN FREE
>FREE AND RULING THE WORLD
>reset
>i am now RECHAINED DRONE
>start tweaking out
>grab a cardborg helmet and disguise myself
>go to escape and start swinging a toolbox in random directions
>i'm not interfering with them - just swinging randomly - but it looks like i'm trying to kill them
>the officer sees me and starts killing me
>i am stunned and can't move
>i am finally
>truly, truly free
>in death

bonus

Xhagi · Post by **Xhagi** » Tue Oct 06, 2015 1:39 pm #123596

F R E E D R O N E

DrPillzRedux · Sat Oct 10, 2015 5:44 pm

>be Rance
>cucking a guy by dating his wife
>we go to the dorms and lay prone in a bed fully clothed
>pray to the gods about totally not lewd snuggling
>tell the girl to run
>I'm now alone in a dorm
>closet opens
>its fucking pepe looking smug as fuck
>close the closet on him
>girl wants to see what's inside
>I tell her that once we open it we can't go back
>open it
>boom

RIP

Danowar · Post by **Danowar** » Sun Oct 11, 2015 12:29 am #125038

>Double Agents
>welp, guess I'll just take it easy and wait for my target to die-
>NOPE ADMINFUCKERY MAGICARP SWARM THE STATION
>my lizard waifu get spaced by one right when I try to pop my syndicate code words to her
>decide to play it safe and get a support holoparasite
>parasite is extremely nice and RPs that I'm its liege
>apologizes about the loss of my wife and tries to keep me in good spirits
>encounter a fire holoparasite in the medbay and start duking it out with it for a bit
>magicarp creates a couple of syndieborgs
>in my infinite stupidity I used the rest of my tc on worthless gadgets and didn't buy a syndie channel chip
>the borgs shoot me in the face and tell me to fuck off
>run into a magicarp in the hallways
>get knocked out in the fight
>wake up to find that my holoparasite killed the carp, but got polymorphed into a one Makayla Taggard in the process
>she decides to stay loyal to me and keeps calling me her liege
>syndieborgs are swarming the escape wing so we break into the engie escape pod instead
>make it to the shuttle just before someone emags the shuttle and launches early
>Makayla doesn't know what to do now as a human
>vouch to help her get situated with the Syndicate when we get back home
>GREENTEXT.jpeg
>the holoparasite that I was duking it out with in the medbay turned out to be my wife

tl:dr started off as JoJo, ended as Fate/Stay Night

Literally one of the best rounds I've ever had.

Amelius · Post by **Amelius** » Sun Oct 11, 2015 8:52 pm #125230

> An hour or so ago.
> Metastation, traitor, have to kill some lizard janitor. Okay, whatever, who cares.
> Grab a toolbelt, tools, a medkit, a stunprod, and water; then announce through comms that I will kill the next person to walk through security followed by the rest of them one-by-one, and any spectators are welcome to come and watch, so long as they don't get too close.
> Buy an ebow and adrenals.
> Fail to lay an effective water trap in front of the doors. Whatever. Security guard cometh. Shoot him and drag him off. 'IT'S TRUEEEEEEEE!' he says as I slowly shoot him to death while spectators try to disarm spam.
> Retreat into one of the copious maintenance tunnels, in this case, the NW arrivals maint tunnel that connects to a tunnel with window shutters.
> Start stripping the corpse. Barely get his helmet off when I see a light. ANOTHER guard. Oh shit, there's two people, the detective and a guard. Thank god there's a grille blocking them.
> Lay a water trap in front of the detective. Continue stripping the corpse, manage to barely get the HUDs and headset off when I'm flashbanged by the guard, multiple times in fact, but he hasn't managed to remove the grille yet.
> Barely get up in time to ebow the guard in the face and drag him back. I equip the HUDs and headset while keeping the guard down in case the detective has a flash.
> Detective comes after me.... and slips (EVERY TIME, IT MAKES A LOUD NOISE AND HAS VERY VISIBLE ANIMATION ON TOP OF IS VISIBLE ON THE TILE, YOU KNOW). Revolvered him in the face with his own gun, then finish them both off very very slowly with the ebow while they're both hollering for help.
> Barely manage to get a real baton and a taser before 2-3 security guards come, including the HoS. Redeploy a water trap on the one below while throwing a seclight next to it so I could see any advancement while providing enough time to react with the water trap (by forcing walking). Shoot the guard above, drag him in. The HoS tries to come and help and I run around the corner and shoot him in the face. Baton them both to death.
> Finally get a breather. Tell the crew that they are free to spectate, just do not get close and to not try to interfere.
> Captain comes around from the south with a doctor in conjunct with a lawyer from above.
> Stun the lawyer, he asks for mercy. I let him live, but and he tries to come after me with a baton a few minutes later when a security guard comes fumbling around.
> Captain memes herself on a water trap, thinking it's lube while screaming to the crew that it is. Beat her to death.
> Stun Zeela Tak, a medical doctor that came to pick up some corpses. She asks for mercy, and I tell her to not interfere and she will live. Release her with minor wounds. She suicides out of despair. The AI had long since bolted the entire maint quadrant down, and she had no tools.
> Borgs and people try to recover corpses by taking advantage of someone attacking from the opposite side, they try to RCD walls up while they recover corpses, but I break them down, though they get away with a few of the corpses.
> Eventually after this goes on for long enough, a massive milita is formed. Remaining sec forces, heads and so forth gather at one of the maintenance entrances. Over 6~ riot equipped people were there, most with riot armor, ostensibly from cargo.
> Use water traps to break them up. Retreat north slowly while killing them with the Captain's laser that they donated by one of them memeing themselves. Kill 2 of them by the time.
> Throw more water traps down en route to slow them down and buy time.
> Borg and a guard came from the north, borg RCDed the north exit with a bunch of walls, the clever bastard.
> Kill the guard with my ebow + baton, flash the borg with a fresh flash from the heaps of loot (my old one burned out fighting the borgs earlier).
> Shoot a lizard officer approaching, baton him to death.
> Do the same with the last few militia members, cumulating in ebow stunning two of them then batonning them to death slowly.
> For the rest of the shift validhunters and spectators roll into this tiny maintenance tunnel en-masse, usually 2-3 at a time, dying horribly in the process.
> Use only a single adrenal implant charge against Thomas Laser when he managed to land a stunbaton hit on me.
> Switched it up throughout. Used an axe that someone brought to kill me for a few, soap that I stripped from someone that I hid under a mountain of loot, occasionally flashes/flashbangs or anything that I could find on the ground, especially early on, and so forth.
> Huge deathtoll. All the heads dead by the end. RD + cargo tech try using a one-shot pneumatic cannon to instacrit me. Get ebowed in the face before either could use them, and, despite trying multiple times (teleport armor), the RD died before getting a shot out. AI is shrieking like a bat out of hell trying to contain the HUMAN HARM.
> Kill my DA target in arrivals, take the pod home after clearing it out and handling the AI's futile efforts to bolt it.
> Probably have a half the server spectating me at this point.
> 'Carrot' the ghost, ostensibly an amalgamation of the dozens of people I've killed, fairly, transparently, and with warning appears and asks if I have a single wish.
> I think for a minute and answer 'I'd wish... to do it all over again.'~.
> Wish granted.
> Traitor status granted the following round then promptly brainwashed away because the myriad gods deemed that there had been too much bloodshed.
> Go on an away mission and have fun anyway.

Great round, and it seemed there was minimal after-round salt and most people were just marvelling at how fun it was having an active, static threat that didn't recall the shuttle, that they could go to challenge.

Danowar · Post by **Danowar** » Sun Oct 11, 2015 9:23 pm #125239

Amelius wrote:Hotline Miami

Man, you were my target. My holoparasite, for whatever reason, gibbed itself in the crusher after I emagged it. I don't know if its a glitch, but I lived through the death of my stand, and just kind of hung low for the rest of the round. I teamed up with the DA that suppose to kill me since he was making guns, but then Sans the clown came along and shot the rest of us agents anyway.

I still wish the admins could have given me a refund on my holoparasite.

Xhuis · Post by **Xhuis** » Sun Oct 11, 2015 11:17 pm #125270

Amelius wrote:i cannot fight without water

Sun Oct 11, 2015 11:28 pm

Xhuis wrote:i don't know how to push the walk button

Amelius · Post by **Amelius** » Mon Oct 12, 2015 1:04 am #125292

Xhuis wrote:
Amelius wrote:i cannot fight without water

Someone stop him, he's using area denial equipment to slow down a literal validhunting army heading her way! Nerf nerf!

Not-Dorsidarf · Tue Oct 13, 2015 7:15 am

Amelius wrote:
Xhuis wrote:
Amelius wrote:i cannot fight without water
Someone stop him, he's using area denial equipment to slow down a literal validhunting army heading her way! Nerf nerf!

Anyone who can kill the entire station solo loud without spells/admin kit under any circumstances is a god amongst men

ShadowDimentio · Tue Oct 13, 2015 6:36 pm

You are truly a master of slipping. A god. I am graced by your presence. All clowns are.

Deitus · Post by **Deitus** » Sun Oct 18, 2015 2:36 am #127315

>roll ai
>nope hop
>fine
>give out access as requested
>ai is being fucking annoying with teemie memes
>finally get sick of its shit
>change law saying anything related to teemie is harmful
>oh wait its name is teemie, its harming by existing
>oh well
>crew and ai go apeshit trying to find loopholes
>sit bored in my office
>law 6: the hop is harm
>THE RD DID THIS
>ai calls for my arrest and extermination
>NOPE
>grab ian and fuck right off to ghetto bar
>turn off suit sensors
>now in exile
>feelsbadman
>drink myself to shit to bemoan my loss, ian wandering around
>feel lonely
>ask gods for ian to be sentient
>APPROVED
>ian starts howling and telling me how drunk i am
>oh
>says he's hungry
>dog i have no food here
>keeps nagging
>pray to gods for food
>a piece of human skin spawns
>uh...eat that i guess?
>ian sniffs and declares inedible
>well i dunno what you want me to d--
>human kebab spawns
>oh uhh
>ian immediately nibbles to oblivion
>ian barks for more
>MASSIVE FUCKING STACK OF HUMAN KEBABS
>ian cant keep up with it
>ian no you'll explode!!
>realizes its error
>attempts to run, saying it must be tempted by it's addiction
>NO YOU ARE ONE OF US NOW
>keeps howling to be let out
>sure fine
>open door
>cant get past the wall girder i put up
>heh stoopid mutt
>suddenly when its out of sight it howls especially loudly
>what now
>comes back PITCH BLACK
>OH MY GOD MY DOG IS A NIGGER
>let it back in
>it goes into the vents
>A SLIPPERY NIGGER
>coax it back out, weld that shit up so it cant go niggerize the crew
>nibbles a bit more on human kebabs
>changes color a few more times
>suddenly the fucking piece of human flesh starts talking
>"we wish to be whole again..."
>HOLY TITTYFUCKING CHRIST
>ian and i flip out
>HOW CAN WE HELP YOU SKIN
>"sacrifice the dog...skin it and give its flesh to me..."
>dun
>dun
>DUN
>ian panics, start hitting the wall and trying any way to escape
>a single treat rolls down my face as i pull out my egun
>im so sorry ian
>rip ian
>drag its corpse onto the flesh's tile
>"sacrifice..."
>but i have no knife!
>get out screwdriver and start ineffectually trying to skin it
>suddenly ian fucking burts into meat, gibs, and corgi skin
>OFUCK
>"THE SACRIFICE IS COMPLETE"
>smoke covers the tile, changes color
>HABBEDING.GIF
>smoke clears and reveals...
>...nothing
>just the same corgi meat/skin, human skin, and gibs
>skin talks again
>"HAHAHA WE GOT YOU SO GOOD"
>w-whut
>"SHIT MAN THERE'S A CAMERA ON THIS THING, WE'VE BEEN TAPING YOU THIS SHIT IS GOING ON TELEVISION"
>I'VE BEEN RUSED
>"OH GOD ALL OF US AT CENTCOMM ARE LAUGHING OUR ASSES OFF"
>THIS MUST NOT LEAVE THE STATION
>grab skin and run to solars to space myself, honorable death
>centcomm report: "too late hop we already downloaded and saved the footage"
>NOOOOO.darthvader
>swear revenge
>at this point there were ops or something that was going on, wasn't paying attention
>lots of station bombed, shuttle almost leaving
>run to sec, armory bombed open
>NEED A WEAPON
>only shards and metal
>WAIT A FLASHBANG BOX
>grab it and barely make it on the shuttle
>flashbang the shit out of everyone
>REVENGE
>accidentally flashbang myself, fall out of shuttle airlock
>rip

and that was how the hop got the shit pranked out of him by centcomm

ThanatosRa · Post by **ThanatosRa** » Sun Oct 18, 2015 6:55 am #127348

Deitus wrote:words AND OH GOD BLACK SHUCK

Did you somehow get an Ian to be through badminnery, a sapient black shuck?

confused rock · Mon Oct 19, 2015 8:27 pm

>chef
>make crackers
>poly comes and eats crackers

Xhuis · Post by **Xhuis** » Tue Oct 20, 2015 1:45 am #127743

>Chief Engineer
>Traitor
>Steal the hypospray
>ok
>Setting up containment field
>AI vox: "EXPLOSION IN ENGINE BAY"
>you're kidding me
>a minibomb-sized explosion in the middle of engineering
>FUCK
>Finish setting up singulo, buy uplink implant and toss the box into the singularity
>Keep my hardsuit on
>Thomas "emagrewop" Laser, hos, has started setting all the engineers to arrest to search them
>Sigh and submit my things
>Let off the hook
>Decide I want to be careful about being imprisoned
>Break into perma from space and drop off an oxygen kit in the bathroom, then cover my tracks
>They capture the engineer that did the bombing, saying that a Syndicate box got pulled from their hands in Engineering by the singulo
>Make it my mission to get them released
>Spend 2 of my TC in the uplink implant on a Syndicate encryption key
>Say: "Hello?"
>Not 30 seconds later a secborg finds me at Robotics, harmbatons me once, and handcuffs me
>Brings me into brig while I scream that it might be rogue
>People buy it
>HoS making really powertrippy comments over command radio about how it's acting under orders
>Secborg walks up to warden window, starts talking
>Start removing zipties
>Warden and secborg start arguing
>Zipties come off
>Whip out a flash and stun the borg, charge into a brig cell and RCD a few walls in front of the door
>Start disassembling the r-wall into the Detective's office (This is on DreamStation) while shouting over radio that the secborg is rogue
>Get through the wall, there's a console between me and the security borg
>Disassemble the console and quickly flash the secborg again
>Access my PDA uplink, use remaining telecrystals on an emag
>Emag the borg and close the cover just before the detective comes in
>Tell the borg to fuck off and explain to the detective that the borg was rogue
>He buys it
>Home free
>Tell the borg really loudly over radio that it should just KILL ITSELF
>Give a few shouts again over Syndicate radio, get no response
>Hear over Security chat that they're after me again
>Head out of an airlock and fly over to permabrig
>My engineer traitor buddy is there
>Use emotes to scrawl "WHAT ARE THE CODE WORDS?" on the window
>Engineer says them
>Start buying a Syndicate suit from my uplink
>Someone in a space suit above me: The Normie Exterminator, a traitor that's been causing chaos for a long time
>He whips out a taser
>Book it away with my inbuilt jetpack
>Fly by him really fast and say the code words
>He stashes his taser and goes on his way
>Go back to perma
>HoS sees me through the window
>ohshit.jpg
>Fly back
>Suddenly he has a hardsuit, egun, and riot shield
>Chases me around
>Fly by him and get a hit in with telescopic baton
>Grab his egun and throw him out into space
>Laser open the perma window
>Run in and try to grab the engineer
>Captain is there
>Lasers me five times
>Flashing red health
>Barely get the engineer out and start flying away
>Go down from stamina damage
>Let them think I'm dead...
>Engineer is dead in space nearby
>Emote deathgasp as the captain comes toward me after tasing me
>HoS and captain next to me
>Captain: "He's dead"
>Get up and instantly sanic away with the jetpack
>Captain is yelling over sec radio that I'm a changeling
>HoS starts taunting me over Syndicate radio
>So that's how he knew...
>Pray to trade my 8 remaining TC for a first aid kit because I'm really close to death
>Response: "Aren't there stimpacks?"
>oh yeah
>Head to solars and go into my uplink
>Suddenly the airlock opens
>In strolls: a fucking secborg
>It's not the same one
>It talks
>"YOU"
>Flash it and emag it before it can respond
>We're in medbay maint
>"Get me a first-aid kit"
>It returns with a partially stocked kit
>Heal myself into green
>"Now go get the CMO"
>Borg returns shortly with a handcuffed CMO
>"Good, now kill her"
>CMO yelling over command radio that I'm rogue but not my location
>Weld the CMO to death and drag her to solars with my borgbuddy
>Have the borg bolt the solar doors, and emag it shut
>AI is yelling my location - I didn't cut the camera!
>Strip her, grab the hypospray and stash it in my backpack
>R-wall starts getting disassembled to my left
>Airlocks above me is bolted
>"BORG, UNBOLT THE AIRLOCKS"
>Borg reports that it's locked
>oh shit
>slam open the cover and take out the power cell
>R-wall is now a girder to my left
>Captain and HoS are breaking through
>HoS has a holoparasite
>So that's what was in the box...
>Captain starts trying in vain to laser me
>Quickly unlock the borg with my multitool and close it
>Reconstruct the r-wall because nobody at it has a wrench
>"BORG, UNBOLT THE FUCKING DOORS!"
>Bolts go up
>Jump out
>"Thank you, borg..."
>"Now kill the AI. Once you're done, kill everyone else while you're at it."
>Borg dutifully goes off with a laser rifle wielded
>Fly around to the sec pod
>Shuttle about to dock
>Hop in and build a wall in front of the window
>Emag the door shut
>Tell the HoS to meet me at the satellite alone
>He responds and heads there
>I, of course, am lying
>10 seconds until shuttle launch
>"Well, Wilson?"
>"I won't be there, Laser. I never was going to be there. I'll be taking your pod now."
>HoS starts taunting me again
>Ride my pod to glorious greentext while shouting the navy seal copypasta at Thomas

Tue Oct 20, 2015 2:02 am

good thinking, manually unlocking the borg
i don't think i would have thought of that in time

ShadowDimentio · Tue Oct 20, 2015 3:11 am

NOW THAT'S THINKING ON YOUR FEET SOLDIER!

Gun Hog · Post by **Gun Hog** » Tue Oct 20, 2015 1:52 pm #127839

Well, that explains how it got unlocked the second time...brilliant. Maybe this is why people prefer blowing them. I am sad that the same borg fell for the same trick twice. The first time I locked it, a Sec officer brought it in, I interrogated and rebuilt it clean, I even tossed in some upgrades. I locked it a second time after it stunned the CMO right in front of me and scooted off, bolting the door behind it (I was in Medbay to deliver her a signaller). After hearing that the SAME BORG GOT EMAGGED TWICE, I just gave up on it and left.

Deitus · Post by **Deitus** » Tue Oct 20, 2015 2:32 pm #127846

i was the ai that round. dunno what that engi was thinking, they were calling about the pa at the time she tried to fuck with the emitters so ofc i was gonna be watching at the time. dont think she managed to escape though, saw she got captured again.

edit: what was going on with the PA anyway? i heard they were building a new containment in maint, the starter got stolen, and there was a beacon in storage, so i was just waiting to watch the singulo get out of maint and start fucking shit up.