Human Fortress 13, Masterwork edition

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Wed Aug 19, 2015 5:27 am #113181

Bottom post of the previous page:

[youtube]h5HGDE3qveM[/youtube]

Balut · Post by **Balut** » Wed Aug 19, 2015 5:30 am #113182

Woo! Injuries!

Who's our doc again?

Also uh where's Anon's sheet, I thought it was posted. I wanna see how he ATATATATATAs so hard.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed Aug 19, 2015 3:37 pm #113261

Gonna slug out some more updates later tonight, but in the meantime i made a thread for a dorf fortress succession game

https://tgstation13.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?f=22&t=4470

Sign up for the FUN and discuss what we wanna play. Seriously even if you suck shit at the game sign up, we need lots of players to make it not lame.

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Wed Aug 19, 2015 11:24 pm #113356

Balut wrote:Woo! Injuries!

Who's our doc again?

Also uh where's Anon's sheet, I thought it was posted. I wanna see how he ATATATATATAs so hard.

It was posted a page or two ago. My ability to PUNCH likely stems from my poor social skills and general apathy towards everything according to my sheet.

Post by **oranges** » Fri Aug 21, 2015 12:17 pm #113839

Wow this is badass, I had forgotten all about this, but apparently I'm some kind of musketman with a perverse love of shooting people in the dick.

Can I see my character sheet?

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Fri Aug 21, 2015 6:57 pm #113943

Sorry about the recent update drought, i was managing a kobold fortress on the other thread

>Oranges
http://i.imgur.com/Vd4bX1V.png

Not surprised to see he has a complete lack of empathy.

Anyways, we are still recovering from the orc ambushes, most have been moved out of the hospital and back in to day to day life. Our drawbridges are still closed however. After hosting a meeting with the militia commnders, Stickymayhem decides that once out armed forces have fully recovered we will wham open the gate and face whatever additional Orc forces lurk outside our borders.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Fri Aug 21, 2015 7:00 pm #113945

EDIT: The enemy have come and are laying seige to the fortress

http://i.imgur.com/pgJNLzQ.png

There is only one squad of them that we can see, but knowing their tendancy for sneaky tactics there is quite likely a whole army of the bastards just waiting in the shadows for us to drop our drawbridges. We may have to hasten the confrontation somewhat

EndgamerAzari · Fri Aug 21, 2015 7:04 pm

Tempted to make the old "musical skills of an amputee" joke after reading that description.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Fri Aug 21, 2015 7:08 pm #113950

The drums of war ring out once more around Souldefences. Even more Orcs show up, packs of them riding on dire wolves and clad in their tribal armors. The longer we wait the greater their forces become. After a unanimous decision by the military heads, a plan has been devised. Musketmen will be dispatched to key locations to harass and soften the foe. Eponymous will be given free reign with his cannoneering, and after some mild shelling the drawbridge will drop and the hammer will fall. Daze Boltedpursuer save our souls, this could be it boys

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Fri Aug 21, 2015 7:15 pm #113952

Oranges and his soldiers trade fire across the moat, tearing the orcs to pieces. They are lead by a master boworc however, and Oranges soliders take heavy casualties before putting him down and falling back.
http://i.imgur.com/FhkwV6E.png
Cannon fire obliterates a few more of the orcish cavalry, and by this time the troops are marshalled. The order is given to drop the drawbridge, it is go time.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Fri Aug 21, 2015 7:31 pm #113958

The drawbridge drops when our forces are mustered at the front, but the seiging orcs decide to wait and bide their time. Moments later, our suspicions are confirmed as hidden orc forces reveal themselves. A squad of archers begin to shoot up civilians working the prickle berry field behind PAS's tavern. A single spearorc ambusher rushes the bridge, revealing the position of his approaching squad and getting mercilessly dogpiled in the process. Their forces begin the final assault and the orcish hordes descend upon our bridge.

http://i.imgur.com/enp7eg1.png

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Fri Aug 21, 2015 7:38 pm #113961

The clash is terrible, blood and limbs fly everywhere
Anon3 jams a dudes ribs into his heart

http://i.imgur.com/Va2ZqMy.png

The orcs are eventually slain at a cost, and contrary to what i had thought the bulk of their forces still hangs back. Their arches still harass and fire at our civilians, the hospital is overflowing and we are out of canonballs. A new strategy is formed. We will close the gate, allow our forces to refuel, and take the offensive to them. If they insist on hanging back like cowards we will show them the folly of their ways.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Fri Aug 21, 2015 7:44 pm #113965

As the marble drawbridge crashes down our forces sally forth like a force of nature

http://i.imgur.com/TBkdymD.png

The battlecry of our warriors mingles with the crack of rifle fire and screams of the dying orcs. Today is a day of glory

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Fri Aug 21, 2015 7:53 pm #113969

Azari ends up leading this charge, and slaying many foes.

http://i.imgur.com/5c0vpMc.png
http://i.imgur.com/6eq1FyZ.png

Our forces tear through the forces near the front gate with only a few casualties, and split up to go either way around the moat and route the remaining orcs

THE MIGHTY GALVATRON · Fri Aug 21, 2015 7:53 pm

Where's our Necromancers and why aren't they necromancing?

EndgamerAzari · Fri Aug 21, 2015 8:05 pm

>tried to bite the enemy on the jaw

I'LL RIP YE FOOKIN MOUF OFF I SWARE

tedward1337 · Fri Aug 21, 2015 10:45 pm

How fairs Robert Cop?

Post by **oranges** » Fri Aug 21, 2015 11:21 pm #114016

>prefers to consume old corpse

What the fuck? Tell me thats some kind of native plant.

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Fri Aug 21, 2015 11:56 pm #114028

Wyzack wrote: A squad of archers begin to shoot up civilians working the prickle berry field behind PAS's tavern.

Ye fooked with our booze.

Now yer all gonna die.

Wyzack wrote: Anon3 jams a dudes ribs into his heart

http://i.imgur.com/Va2ZqMy.png

I FOOKIN TOLD YE

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Sat Aug 22, 2015 3:35 am #114060

My friends it is a sad day. We have lost one of the greats in that fateful charge.

Robert Cop was the epitome of the Souldefences rifleman. Loud and boisterous, with a moustache that protruded far off his face and a crack shot. He gave the order for half of the army to sweep east from the drawbridge, and led the charge himself. He fired round after round at the orcs until he was out of bullets, and then charged straight in to the fray undaunted. He cracked an orc's head like a watermelon with the stock of his musket when another orc managed to plant an axe in his back, and another stabbed him in the head with a spear. Galvatron ran quickly to his aid but it was too late. Raging, she bisected the coward orc and two of his friends, and her fury and momentum carried the militia all around the outside of the moat on a tour of death.

A 21 gun salute will be held in his honor, as well as the creation of a monument. At this time, Oranges is the new Master of Ordanance in Souldefences. Rest in peace, sweet prince

EndgamerAzari · Sat Aug 22, 2015 4:09 am

R.I.P.

Takeguru · Post by **Takeguru** » Sat Aug 22, 2015 4:18 am #114067

RIP in peace Robert Cop

Oh, how is my woodcutter self doing?
Any nasty wounds or have I been lucky enough to live uneventfully?

THE MIGHTY GALVATRON · Sat Aug 22, 2015 4:46 am

tedward1337 wrote:How fairs Robert Cop?

RIP Robert Cop, killed by jinxing.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Sat Aug 22, 2015 5:04 am #114076

He was dead before ted asked about him, i just had not updated it yet

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Sat Aug 22, 2015 6:05 am #114082

Balut · Post by **Balut** » Sat Aug 22, 2015 7:20 am #114096

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Sat Aug 22, 2015 8:10 am #114101

Here, have some stereotypical funeral music. (TW: Bagpipes)

Spoiler:

tedward1337 · Sat Aug 22, 2015 11:41 am

Whelp shit

TheWiznard · Post by **TheWiznard** » Sat Aug 22, 2015 11:41 am #114118

He's just sleeping right now, I'm sure in a couple of days he'll just wake up and be back to his old self, right?

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Sat Aug 22, 2015 2:33 pm #114131

And with that the seige has ended. Our bold counter offensive turned what might have been a protracted and grueling battle into a quick bout of violence. Of our number we lost two of Anon3's squires, Robert cop, 3 other musketmen, and two militiamen. We also had two civilians die and many more wounded by the orcs cruel arrows.

In the midst of the fighting, old man studnick was by the berry farm. He had claimed a pistol for hunting (but no one had ever actually seen him hunt) and during the seige he stood out behind the tavern shooting orcs. He managed to kill one and badly wound two other, as well as catching at least 12 arrows with his body that might have hurt other people. He was a hero till the end

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Sat Aug 22, 2015 2:45 pm #114133

Takeguru is doing just fine actually. Other than being a bit sad about her friend Robert's passing she is living the high life. Banging the duke definitally comes with some perks. I suppose it technically makes her the duchess too

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Sat Aug 22, 2015 5:10 pm #114154

As if to mock our suffering ANOTHER FUCKING TIGERMAN ARMY shows up. Time for a cathartic asswhooping

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Sat Aug 22, 2015 5:17 pm #114156

In the most anticlamactic seige of all time, the fuckers retreated. They decided to attack a one legged duck that got stuck outside the moat rather than charge our army. Normally i would elect to let the poor goose die, but a few of our citizens were also outside the walls gathering items and we could not risk their lives. For the second time in a month our forces charged forth.

It was a massacre. 5 tigermen were dead before they knew what hit them, and the rest ran. the second squad to the north got scared and ran off too. Fucking catbeasts. They didnt even get the duck.

THE MIGHTY GALVATRON · Sat Aug 22, 2015 5:22 pm

Tigermen seem to really have gone downhill after their warlord died.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Sat Aug 22, 2015 5:55 pm #114159

The elven diplomat returns with a new retuine. We do the same old song and dance, he still withholds his caravan like a douchebag.

Some of the people are finally discharged from the hospital. It seems Geist Dangerous got his pelvis broken in the battle, and is awaiting traction. Ouch.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Sat Aug 22, 2015 7:34 pm #114175

Here it is

http://i.imgur.com/pvGJ8OW.png

The Robert Cop memorial shooting range has been completed. Instead of a traditional 21 gun salute, we are going to execute 21 prisoners by gunfire. Our dungeon is getting way crowded and we need to free up some cages, so it is a nice double whammy

tedward1337 · Post by **tedward1337** » Sat Aug 22, 2015 7:53 pm #114178

Wyzack wrote:Here it is

http://i.imgur.com/pvGJ8OW.png

The Robert Cop memorial shooting range has been completed. Instead of a traditional 21 gun salute, we are going to execute 21 prisoners by gunfire. Our dungeon is getting way crowded and we need to free up some cages, so it is a nice double whammy

F

TheWiznard · Post by **TheWiznard** » Sat Aug 22, 2015 8:04 pm #114179

Why not sacrifice the prisoners instead to bring him back to life? If he was a monster in life, in death he must be unstoppable

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Sun Aug 23, 2015 1:11 am #114215

Wyzack wrote:Here it is

http://i.imgur.com/pvGJ8OW.png

The Robert Cop memorial shooting range has been completed. Instead of a traditional 21 gun salute, we are going to execute 21 prisoners by gunfire. Our dungeon is getting way crowded and we need to free up some cages, so it is a nice double whammy

peoplearestrange · Wed Aug 26, 2015 11:24 am

Wyzack wrote:Here it is

http://i.imgur.com/pvGJ8OW.png

The Robert Cop memorial shooting range has been completed. Instead of a traditional 21 gun salute, we are going to execute 21 prisoners by gunfire. Our dungeon is getting way crowded and we need to free up some cages, so it is a nice double whammy

*Hammers "x" to pay as much respect as humanly possible*
They may have killed him, but they've made nothing but a martyr out of him.

Epic battle and great writing as always!

Drynwyn · Post by **Drynwyn** » Wed Aug 26, 2015 12:38 pm #114959

*whistles innocently, hiding Robert Cop's corpse behind my back.*

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed Aug 26, 2015 2:11 pm #114973

Sorry about the update drought, been a bit busy. Will crank out a bunch later tonight.

As a side note Drynwyn and Lumi have been kicking ass in the sieges too. Drynwyn has a curse ability with absurd range, so much that he frequently casts it on our corralled undead, Lumi's wife, and even cavern creatures that we cannot see. During sieges he casts massive curses all over the place, shocks niggas with chain lightning and caves in a few heads with his staff. Lumi has boulder throw, lightning, and maybe a few others, and contributes similarly.

ThanatosRa · Post by **ThanatosRa** » Thu Aug 27, 2015 8:53 pm #115283

What manner of mechanical lunacy has Eponymous Rex been up to lately?

Balut · Post by **Balut** » Thu Aug 27, 2015 11:53 pm #115316

Have I been incarnated yet.

Also how is The Rotten Man?