Human Fortress 13, Masterwork edition

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Sun Aug 09, 2015 3:35 pm #111042

Bottom post of the previous page:

This is just 34.11, version 6.2. When are you getting crashes? Sometimes it crashed for me if i dont hit escape before sleeping my computer. I also know that graphics plugins like stonesense and rendermax are pretty unstable

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Sun Aug 09, 2015 3:36 pm #111043

OH SHIT JUST REALISED ZAPPA WAS LUMI'S FUCKING WIFE OH DAMN

Stan_Studnick · Sun Aug 09, 2015 9:31 pm

Wyzack wrote:OH SHIT JUST REALISED ZAPPA WAS LUMI'S FUCKING WIFE OH DAMN

You should bury Frank Zappa immediately to lessen the mental impact on everyone if you haven't done so.

You might wanna get 20 extra coffins ready too, I can feel a trantruming coming...

(thanks also for answering my question not thanks for not commenting on my pretty picture >:l)

Post by **lumipharon** » Sun Aug 09, 2015 10:50 pm #111107

Am I a man or a lesbian?

Either way, RIP wifey, hello angry grudge holding dissenter.

Brutal fucking military murdered my wife while praying at the chapel. Who watches the watchmen?

Could I see my character sheet?

Br

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Sun Aug 09, 2015 11:33 pm #111114

Even in Human Fortress I am there

taking your waifu/huzubando

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Mon Aug 10, 2015 12:54 am #111141

Yes I forgot to clarity Lumi is in fact a man this time, here is his profile:

http://i.imgur.com/1RuNxb9.png

He joined the academic guild when he became the fortress chemist, and spends most of his days making gunpowder or soap.

Stan your diagram was lovely but if i am being honest i am far too lazy to put a large scale defensive construct into place when there is so much other shit that needs to be build, like housing and our mages guild. Not to mention i do not really want to have to rely on traps because they are easymodo

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Mon Aug 10, 2015 1:01 am #111142

Wyzack wrote:Not to mention i do not really want to have to rely on traps

I didn't think Lumi was part of our fighting force

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Mon Aug 10, 2015 2:30 am #111154

Some time passes without further tantrums or murders, and things start to return to normal. Some workers start laying down paved roads to spruce up the town a little, and more housing is constructed.

A wave of migrants come and are immediately drafted, increasing the size of our effective military. We have at least 6-7 paladins now, and our current troops are quite formidable. A tear of armok is found, a rare and magical gem capable of generating pure water. Plans are made to create a city center with statues and a nice fountain made from the gem.

Our merchants guild finally manages to contact the warlocks, and a few are contracted to teach the ways of sorcery in our fortress.

Post by **lumipharon** » Mon Aug 10, 2015 2:38 am #111158

>likes giant slugs for their slime trails
>absolutely detests slugs

O-Ok.

Also I want to eventually becomes a MAGIC soap maker.

Mister_Doc · Post by **Mister_Doc** » Mon Aug 10, 2015 5:28 am #111193

Obviously you detest regular slugs because they aren't as cool as the giant ones.

Stan_Studnick · Mon Aug 10, 2015 9:21 am

Mister_Doc wrote:Obviously you detest regular slugs because they aren't as cool as the giant ones.

They really aren't. Slugmen however are top-tier and you should collect them like pokemens.

peoplearestrange · Mon Aug 10, 2015 10:29 am

This story has become part of my morning routine with a cuppa tea.
I really like you're writing style of reporting, its very vivid and because its dictated by a game it seems very variable into what might happen next!

How's my little tavern coming along? Can I see my stat sheet?

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Mon Aug 10, 2015 2:04 pm #111278

Oh stop it PAS, you are gonna make me blush. Your tavern is the talk of the town, most people spend their spare time in there when they are not busy working. There are regular musical shows and everyone gets drunk and has a merry time.

The first crop of prickle berries has grown, and you have taken them and brewed masterful prickleberry wine from it.

http://i.imgur.com/uo69ynC.png

PAS is a cooks guild member and legendary +3 brewer, she arrived with this skill. Next caravan i am going to buy a shitload of plants so we can brew a variety of alcohol, as masterwork contains a massive nerf to farming and it is a pain to grow our own.

EDIT why are so many ladies in this fort shaven bald? I thought galvy did it for some warrior culture bullshit, but it must be really fashoinable

THE MIGHTY GALVATRON · Mon Aug 10, 2015 2:42 pm

Bald is beautiful, friendo. Plus there's probably some swamp life thing going on.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Mon Aug 10, 2015 3:26 pm #111301

It is late spring now, and it is getting stinking hot in the swamp. Insects have been busy breeding and swarm around in annoying clouds, and the smell of our fisheries hangs heavy in the air. One day the watchmen looked out to see a small figure sprinting towards the fortress at full tilt. On closer inspection he turned out to be the elf diplomat with his retuine, and on their heels was another goddamn army of fucking white tigermen. Time to kick a little more ass with our new recruits.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Mon Aug 10, 2015 3:37 pm #111304

http://i.imgur.com/FHXIAJ2.png

Once again our forces clash on the bridge, this time they come in massive numbers in a single rush. Apparently they learned from their past failures. The Warpstone turret is apparently quite short ranged, but one of the tigerman macelords beelines right for it and is engulfed in warpstone poison, knocking him unconscious.

With a rousing cry our soldiers sprint into the melee, using the momentum of the charge to tear in to their forces. One of our paladins with an injured arm somehow weilds her massive pike in one hand, spilling a tigerman's guts and maiming another. Azari and Septavius use thier fearsome spiked morningstars with terrible effeciancy, pulping their foes to bits. Up above, the musketmen fire vollies into the advancing reinforcements, killing many.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Mon Aug 10, 2015 4:53 pm #111323

The battle becomes a senseless blob of violence and death. Septavius, who it turns out actually has an axe, hewes a guys head off. Anon3 does his usual smashing limbs and caving in heads with punches and kicks. Fucking Tornadium decides to give them a taste of their own medicine and bites one of them in the shin, shaking it around and tearing all the tendons and nerves in its leg before Azari mercifully crushes its head like a ripe watermelon. Galvatron slices one of them directly in the heart, and he bleeds to death in seconds.

The creatures moral is once again shattered and they flee. One lone squad, who apparently did not get the memo, continues to advance on our position as our soldiers fall back across the bridge. The cycle repeats, with our soldiers surging forward to butcher them and then falling back behind the bridge. One of our new conscripts is caught in a blast from the warpstone turret, and the effects are gruesome and instantaneous.

http://i.imgur.com/kEY6T9e.png

Rather than leave the rotting soldier to his fate, Galvatron elects to meet the final squad of tigermen head on in the open and orders our soldiers to make a perimeter around poor Kedge. It is however not necessary, as the remaining brutes fall back rather than face Eponymous and his cannon, which was ready to fire.

Overall the casualties are a few bruises, a grunt with some broken fingers, and our rotten soldier. Souldefences holds.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Mon Aug 10, 2015 4:55 pm #111324

It seems in the carnage the cowardly elf diplomat sacrificed his retiune so he could scamper in to the safety of our moat. He makes the same demand as ever, and as ever Sticky tells him we will cut down as many trees as we damn well please. Fuck them, we dont need their caravans anyways.

EndgamerAzari · Mon Aug 10, 2015 5:02 pm

Oh Jesus. Is that rotten dude still alive?

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Mon Aug 10, 2015 5:32 pm #111331

Yup, Rotton dude is still alive and kicking. Our crack team of surgeons are working on him right now, but he has advanced rot in every body part, and i am not sure they can do anything besides excise the rotten tissue. I think we are going to keep that warpstone turret somewhere outside where it will not rot our troops. Maybe by one of the outer river crossings.

THE MIGHTY GALVATRON · Mon Aug 10, 2015 5:33 pm

tfw your bf murderblocks you with his cannon.

EndgamerAzari wrote:Oh Jesus. Is that rotten dude still alive?

Probably Nurgle's gift.... probably.

TheWiznard · Post by **TheWiznard** » Mon Aug 10, 2015 6:40 pm #111345

http://i.imgur.com/bke0uJ3.png

we should move the turret below the bridge and stick it on top of a block with some stairs next to it. although now that I think about it where is a safe place to put it if it spews rotten beams of death across it's path? seems more pretty FUN to me

ThanatosRa · Post by **ThanatosRa** » Mon Aug 10, 2015 8:33 pm #111372

MORE CANNONS! MORE TRAPS!

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Mon Aug 10, 2015 11:47 pm #111414

We finally did it. Three of them came to our fortress with a load of goods and components, each of them too thin and too tall to be strictly human. Shrouded in dark cloaks, their voices send shivers down the spine of any who hear it. Unperturbed, Drynwyn begins collecting the metal bars, gems and other components needed to start learning some mother fucking magic.

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Tue Aug 11, 2015 12:19 am #111427

TheWiznard · Post by **TheWiznard** » Tue Aug 11, 2015 1:05 am #111436

Anon3 turned into takamura

Djingle is good at making mechanisms and chopping trees right? What kind of magic do you learn from warlocks I haven't gotten a contract from them yet.

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Tue Aug 11, 2015 2:15 am #111454

TheWiznard wrote:Anon3 turned into takamura

BRING ME MORE TIGERMEN

EndgamerAzari · Tue Aug 11, 2015 4:01 am

So what the hell is my guy good at, anyway? I know he keeps bashing in heads, but is he specifically good at anything?

ThanatosRa · Post by **ThanatosRa** » Tue Aug 11, 2015 4:09 am #111484

An0n3 became Saitama?

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Tue Aug 11, 2015 4:12 am #111485

It only takes me one punch to kill things

Unfortunately I'm a sick bastard who likes breaking every bone in their body first.

Requesting some Mortal Kombat-esque combat logs of my fight with the tigermen please.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Tue Aug 11, 2015 8:31 pm #111645

The magic you can learn from warlocks is basically just a handful of offensive magical spells like lightning, fireballs, and some debilitating curse-type stuff. You can also have him raise dead on the map for you, and enchant some living weapons.

As for Azari, when he is not caving in skulls with his mace he is caving in ears with his sick guitar solos in the bar, he is usually the one who plays shows in the tavern. Also he is a high master weaver but i have never weaved anything this fort so he must have embarked with that skill.

@Anon3 the logs from the last seige are no longer retrievable but i will be sure to post some in the next tigerman invasion.

tedward1337 · Tue Aug 11, 2015 10:03 pm

Wyzack wrote:Yup, Rotton dude is still alive and kicking. Our crack team of surgeons are working on him right now, but he has advanced rot in every body part, and i am not sure they can do anything besides excise the rotten tissue. I think we are going to keep that warpstone turret somewhere outside where it will not rot our troops. Maybe by one of the outer river crossings.

I want to know more about the rotting man.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed Aug 12, 2015 2:22 am #111704

Rotten guy is still kicking. As far as i can tell he is still all fucked up, his bodyparts all show up as brown on the health indicator, but examining him says that only his breasts are still rotten. His medical history says he was cleaned and had rotten tissue removed from his upper lip, and that was it. So i guess our medical team just sent him on his way the poor sod.

Drynwyn has mastered many spells at this point, and has been training with one of the warlocks to refine his craft. He also has Aloraydrel carve him a secret dungeon underneath the guild, undoubtedly for nefarious purposes. This is what happens when you give a power hungry wizard a blank cheque and three warlocks for best friends people.

THE MIGHTY GALVATRON · Wed Aug 12, 2015 2:40 am

"The Rotting Man" sounds like a good name for a horror story. Will steal for future use.

Post by **lumipharon** » Wed Aug 12, 2015 4:10 am #111722

Give the rotten man magic and sic him on anyone that's naughty.

Takeguru · Post by **Takeguru** » Wed Aug 12, 2015 6:20 am #111740

Individuals like that are weird.

I've had dwarves in vanilla last for years after coming into contact with FB syndromes while some die mere days later.

Does the Therapist list a value for his stats?
He seems fairly average, bar that Agility.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed Aug 12, 2015 4:56 pm #111828

Aaaaaaand the fucking white tigermen are seiging us. Again. Eager to demonstrate the use of his new talents, archmage Drynwyn takes to the battlements with the musketmen, and begins chanting and reigning down curses on the mob of tigers are soon as the first few get within range.

The leader of the first squad to grace our bridge of doom was a massive bugger with a gold zwiehander. He attempted to assert himself by slicing the arm off of one of our new recruits before slicing him clean in half. A few moments later Galvatron was on him, slicing his leg and chopping his head off. There is a skirmish on the bridge, Anon3 lead the defence here while Galvatron was dealing with the swordmaster. Drynwyn throws bolts of lightning that paralys and maim the beasts, and even kills one by conjuring a boulder towards its head. The squad is pushed back, and Tornadium rushes out to punish those attempting to flee.

(I was going to pull a shitload of combat logs for this one but by the time the battle was over they were already gone, sorry guys :/)

The new bunker for the warpstone turret had been mostly set up on the right near the bridge outside, but it had not been closed. As a consequence, two entire squads of tigermen had piled in on top of it attempting to destroy it. Dwarven constructs are quite sturdy though, and it took a massive pounding while managing to coat the beasts in unstable warp poison clouds, rotting them alive.

On the other side another squad attempted to advance, only to be shot to goddamn ribbons by Robert and Orange's musketeers. As they fell back, Robert's squad moved down across the moat where the tigerpeople were rotting away and smashing our turret. Bullets flew, and the diseased creatures attempted to crawl away from their certain doom. The turret finally broke and stopped moving. Anon3 was about to send out his men to mop up the beasts when KABOOM! A fucking cannon shell obliterated an unconscious tigerbeast. Our soldiers fall back behind the bridge as Eponymous gets his muderboner on. A second shell causes the grass to catch fire, and the remaining tigers there are burned alive as they rot to death. What a way to go. Luckily it starts raining, so the flames do not spread much.

Up at the north end of the fortress a squad of tigermen seems frozen in its tracks, their leader trapped in a cage. Oranges and Robert bring their forces to bear, with predictable results.

http://i.imgur.com/HaC0ysc.png

Once again volley after volley of fire makes short work of the creatures, and a few troops are sent out to mercykill anything still alive.

Another seige down, god damn we have a lot of prisoners now. I think Drynwyn might have a few ideas as to what we can do with em.

http://i.imgur.com/11sFvmM.png

EndgamerAzari · Wed Aug 12, 2015 5:04 pm

The Stray Warpstone Turret (Tame) has been missing for a week.

Whiskey
Tango
Foxtrot

THE MIGHTY GALVATRON · Wed Aug 12, 2015 5:12 pm

All them T's all them bones.
I feel like we can take on anyone and anything.

Is there a way to see how many confirmed kills I have?

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed Aug 12, 2015 5:21 pm #111835

There are supposed to be other harder invasion forces, not sure why we are getting nothing but tigerdudes.

Also here are your kills, not sure why Dem Deklem the tigerman general is not on there

http://i.imgur.com/vP53pkz.png

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed Aug 12, 2015 5:45 pm #111841

Drynwyn has become a formidable mage. He wields a bloodsteel mage staff, and is adorned in a robe engraved with runes and make of an equisite leather (it is human skin). After taking counsel with his warlock advisers, he tells Stickymayhem that he may have a solution to the piles of tigerman corpses around. He has a chamber constructed on the back of the mages guild with a drawbridge that extends to the outside world, but what exactly he is planning is known only to him and his protege Lumi.

EndgamerAzari · Wed Aug 12, 2015 5:58 pm

Oh ten hundred hells

It's happening

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed Aug 12, 2015 6:03 pm #111844

It is mid autumn now. On the night of the new moon the sky was black as pitch. In the mages guild Drynwn, Lumi, and two of the warlocks gathered around a large box inlaid with orchalium runes and a padlock. The warlocks, after recieving yet another fat sack of taxpayer gold, procure a key and open the box. Inside is a tall black monolith, floating a few inches off the ground of its own accord and humming ever so slightly with malign energies. A relic of a bygone age, the Walocks say that if used properly it can make good use of those tigerman tribals. Drynwyn has it placed carefully in the new chamber, the stairs in are removed and a heavy wolframite hatch cover is placed over the gap. It was then a simple matter of having some of the simple haulers toss a pile of old tigerman bones down there.

tedward1337 · Post by **tedward1337** » Wed Aug 12, 2015 6:05 pm #111846

EndgamerAzari · Wed Aug 12, 2015 6:08 pm

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed Aug 12, 2015 6:17 pm #111849

The next day some dwarves come to trade. Some succubi bitches decide the ambush the trade caravan. We send out of soldiers, but by the time they arrive the caravan is half sacked and the dwarf guards had killed all the succubi. No trade this season, but we do get a nice pile of tradegoods from the destroyed wagons free of charge, which is kind of nice

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed Aug 12, 2015 6:40 pm #111853

Meanwhile, Drynwyn clasped his hands together and smiled a wicked grin. "Oh yes, I beleive this was quite a successful test indeed."

http://i.imgur.com/5Q97SLP.png

EDIT: Oh shit guys i just realise the warlock workshop has a "raise all dead on map" option. These guys could literally wipe us out completely if they wanted to.

Timbrewolf · Post by **Timbrewolf** » Wed Aug 12, 2015 6:52 pm #111855

Can I see my own list of kills?

ALSO IDS HABBENIN

[youtube]VY1iOBbDToc[/youtube]

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed Aug 12, 2015 7:05 pm #111857

Anon3 your list of kills is significantly less becsue knuckle dusters are not a good mortal wounding weapon. If i had to guess how many deaths you are responsible for i would probably pin it around 30 tigermen

Whoops forgot pic

http://i.imgur.com/FAsMypn.png

EndgamerAzari · Wed Aug 12, 2015 7:07 pm

>Zapas Raspytrumpets

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed Aug 12, 2015 7:11 pm #111860

Yup, he beat Lumi's darling wife to death literally in the church on top of the Alter to the god of valor. Justice waits for no one i guess.