/tg/Station 13

Bottom post of the previous page:

0/10 not forcefeeding the hop

DemonFiren wrote:0/10 not forcefeeding the hop

OH SHIT I DIDNT THINK OF THAT GODDAMN

Deitus wrote:I'm a piece of shit! XD

Thanks for reminding me as to why I haven't touched the HoP position in months. That dog was a bro.

It's worrying that your instinctive reaction to seeing a benevolent, player-controlled dog is to kill it and eat it in front of its owner.
If this server is, as many claim, cancer, then I think we've found a tumour.
(That was a joke, in case you didn't notice)

To be fair, that created some pretty interesting RP even though it might've been a bit dickish.

TheNightingale wrote:It's worrying that your instinctive reaction to seeing a benevolent, player-controlled dog is to kill it and eat it in front of its owner.
If this server is, as many claim, cancer, then I think we've found a tumour.

There's a difference between killing an admin-made player-controlled Ian five minutes into the round for no reason and not doing anything beyond that, and killing the Ian through RP as the round is already ending and having a fun and engaging RP-centered round afterwords because of it.

If these forums have, as many claim, cancer, then I think your post is a tumor.

If people claim games are cancer then, SS13, is the tumour.

I had a few "moments" of awesome a couple of days ago during gang and rev rounds.
Like escaping being found out as a gang member multiple times by security by quickly stashing all my incirminating gear in a toolbox I carried. One kind Security Officer even caught up with me to return my toolbox. And during rev, instead of getting lynched by the revolution, actually getting de-implanted and converted instead of being cock-sock for someone's murderboner.

TheNightingale wrote:It's worrying that your instinctive reaction to seeing a benevolent, player-controlled dog is to kill it and eat it in front of its owner.
If this server is, as many claim, cancer, then I think we've found a tumour.

Are you really getting buttblasted over him doing that

By the sounds of it I think the HoP was having a good time pretending to be horrified, I don't think anyone but you is actually considering him cancerous for doing that

Just relax, man

>nightingale
>relaxing

>Be Blob Overmind, the AI
>Fucking around for like thirty minutes with nothing happening
>Most eventful thing that had happened was some greyshirt making us think it was gang because graffiti
>Nah he was just being a shit and got arrested
>"OPS AT ARRIVALS!"
>SHIT, REALLY?
>See nothing
>Mneh fucking greyshirts
>A few armory space alerts
>Check them all
>Nothing
>Oh wait there's another alarm
>At my sat
>Check it expecting the borg from roundstart
>SYNDIBORG AND OP
>AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
>THEY GOT FUCKED BY MY STEALTHBOLTS
>FUCKING CLASSIC
>"OPS OPS OPS AT MY SAT"
>CREW SPRINGS INTO ACTION
>THE OPS ON MY SAT PLANT A BOMB AND BAIL
>THEY'RE SLOWED HEAVILY BY ME AND MY BOLTING
>EYES ARE WIDE OPEN FOR OP ACTIVITY
>OP IN THE HALL
>TRY LOCKING HIM DOWN
>KEEP FUCKING IT UP
>DECIDE TO INSTEAD LURE HIM INTO A TRAP BY OPENING A DOOR IN THE BRIDGE
>HE TAKES THE BAIT!!
>BOLT THAT FUCKER SHUT AND ALL OF THE ONES AROUND HIM
>CALL HIM OUT BUT THE BOMB THEY PLANTED EARLIER GOES OFF
>COMMS ARE DOWN
>CUT MY RADIO ON
>CALL HIM OUT AGAIN
>CREW IS ON HIM
>HE FUCKING SUICIDES OUT OF SHAME
>SHORTLY LATER THE BORG AND OP FROM EARLIER ARE GOING THROUGH MAINT INTO THE CAP'S ROOM
>THE DISC IS FUCKING UNDEFENDED BECAUSE THE CAPTAIN WAS A MOUTH BREATHING AUTIST
>THE DOOR'S STEALTH BOLTED AND HE BREAKS IT
>LOCK HIM DOWN
>CALL HIM OUT
>CREW RESPONDS SLOWLY
>THE BORG BREAKS HIM OUT
>THEY GET THE DISC
>THEN SUPERCOP SHOWS UP WITH A TASER AND THE ION GUN
>NUKES THE OP
>BUT THE BORG WAKES UP AND NUKES HIM AFTER HE GETS STUNNED BY THE OP'S EXPLOSION
>SOME LIZARD COMES IN SHORTLY LATER AND FINISHES THE JOB
>THEN THE SHUTTLE ARRIVES AND EVERYONE LEAVES
>THEN THE LAST OP IS FOUND AT THE BRIDGE
>I BOLT THEM UP ND THEY KEEP BREAKING DOORS AND CAN'T ESCAPE
>HOLOGRAM
>"Heeeeyyyy buddddyyyyy."
>THEY RUN OFF
>"You know, you're not going to be able to escape."
>THEY TRY BOMBING OUT
>THEY FIND MORE LOCKED DOORS

Round ends.

Crew major victory, the op left was the only survivor.

Validhunter bot.

You do realize that stealth bolting the AI sat round start isn't allowed right? I'm surprised you aren't silicon banned for that.

Zilenan91 wrote:You do realize that stealth bolting the AI sat round start isn't allowed right? I'm surprised you aren't silicon banned for that.

This, stop doing that.

Actually, I think Dementio has stealth bolted his AI sat multiple times. I think I remember him making a post in this thread about the other occasion as well.

The teleporter's right next to my core, I have more than a few reasons to keep at least that door locked tight.

Anyways if you have such a problem with how I do shit, be petty make a ban request, don't bitch and moan about it here.

ShadowDimentio wrote:The teleporter's right next to my core, I have more than a few reasons to keep at least that door locked tight.

Anyways if you have such a problem with how I do shit, be petty make a ban request, don't bitch and moan about it here.

Well if that's the attitude you have about it, we can skip the request and just go for appeal.

ShadowDimentio wrote:snippity snip

i'll take CAPS LOCK for 500, please

i was in that round, though mine probably belongs more in the rage/tears/regret thread

>meta
>roll for ai
>NOPE HOS
>sigh
>gear up
>HOP is freaking out because "OMG people are suiciding in my line, im gonna quit!"
>not my problem, but cap is flipping his shit
>head to the bridge, notice graffiti on the way
>shift click
>crayon
>continue on my way
>find cap in hop room yelling at the HOP to keep doing his job
>notices me, calls me into his office
>he scoots behind his desk
>pinpointer is on the table, figure thats what he called me for, grab it and begin asking ai to let me out
>cap flips his shit again
>"what the fuck do you think you're doing?!"
>...leaving?
>"PUT THAT DOWN"
>what
>"IM THE CAPTAIN ITS MY JOB TO HAVE THE DISK AND PINPOINTER"
>but--
>"NO"
>"hey, you're the cap"
>put it back
>he lets me out, tells me to arrest and demote the hop if he fails to do his job
>i've got better things to do than babysit nigga
>agree just to shut him up
>dick around some more, people still yelling about gang signs with me and a few others trying to tell them its fucking crayon
>ai yelling that hop suicided and the captain is braindead
>idontknowwhatiexpected.gif
>ask the ai to let me in cap's office to retrieve disk
>go behind desk
>captain springs back to life
>"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HOW DID YOU GET ACCESS BACK HERE I BET THE HOP DID IT DIDN'T HE"
>sir, the ai reported you were braindead, i was coming to get the disk
>"WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT WHEN WE HAVE GANGS"
>sir, its crayon
>cue another idiot yelling over comms about "gang tag"
>captain takes this as irrefutable proof that there are indeed gangs, says im not doing my job
>sir, it is CRAYON. there is literally a tag on your office right there on the wall, examine it
>cap has had enough
>"THAT'S IT HAND IN YOUR ID"
>what? no, just let me out.
>"ARE YOU DISOBEYING ORDERS"
>so we're dealing with one of THOSE kinds of captains, huh
>ask ai to let me out
>cap screams to belay that order, yells over command and sec that i am to be demoted
>"warden you are the new hos!"
>sir if you had a single fuckin brain cell you would know we dont have a goddamn warden
>captain about has a stroke
>runs into his room, opens his locker
>i know exactly what is coming but stay my hand for the inevitable ahelp he will shit out
>grabs disabler
>#called it
>fires at me, quickdraw taser and stun him
>"AAAA HOS ROOOOGUE"
>his stun wears off, tries to cuff me rather than stun first
>disabler stun wears off, get up and tase him again before cuffs are done
>"AI HELP ME HOS ROGUE AAAAAAAA"
>cuff him while explaining what happened to ai
>"HE'S GONNA KILL ME HALP"
>you, sir, just lost your comms privelages
>take off his headset
>could probably get away with demoting him, but figure i dont wanna deal with it
>bring him into his room to buckle him to something
>he's alternating between yelling at me to give me his id/give me my id/a string of profanities that would make beepsky blush
>cant maneuver to bed
>try seat
>cant maneuver to seat
>fuck it
>let him go, toss his id on the floor, climb into disposals
>you're a danger to yourself and others, sir
>wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
>land in cargo, get out
>head back to sec
>somewhere along the line catch a disease that burns me
>tell sec officer that happened to be in brig
>brosec heals me in brig mini-medbay
>still taking damage
>tell brosec he's gonna have to take me to medbay
>he does
>medbay super busy, apparently this is happening to a lot of people
>get kelotane and a cure, brosec and i head back to sec
>couple of dead sec laying aorund brig
>fug
>brosec says he has it now too, but thinks medbay is spreading it so he doesn't want to go
>he crits before i can explain that they're curing people, tells me to remember him
>begin taking him to medbay before screams of aaaawperatives start rolling in
>fuck
>sorry brosec, gotta save station
>head into armory, ditch hos armor for bulletproofs
>grab lasers, ion, tasers
>time to go to war
>comms say ops in engineering
>time to kick ass and --
>hit by boolets from off screen
>fuckin
>limp to medbay and patch myself up
>ok take two
>head to bridge to try and find captain
>lying dead
>STILL dont know what i expected
>try to search his backpack and pockets for disk, nuffin
>well, we're fucked
>ai screaming awps in cap's office
>lets me in, borg in back room
>ion it, its ded
>awp comes out of bathroom
>quick taze, empty a laser into him
>forget about explosive implant and get shit on
>while unconscious borg that i thought was dead comes and finishes me off
>damn forgot to wait for death text
>ghost around, observe and bitch about captain
>he's trying to defend himself
>"captain's authority is absolute!"
>deadchat tells him that he's not above the law
>"what a bunch of tryhard faggots, you mad much?"
>blood pressure rising
>get defibbed before i yell at him more
>thank brodoc, give him a laser and drop some of the extras i have for the rest of the staff
>stay safe, doc
>head back to bridge
>relay the ballad of our shitty captain to the crew, each word filled with my salt
>apparently awps are dead, shuttle almost here
>begin to leave
>suddenly awp teleports in
>run a bit, fish in backpack for gun
>FUCK I PUT THEM ALL IN MEDBAY
>luckily i find a rifle from a dead awp
>unluckily im unrobust as fuck and get hit by bullets moving diagonally through a glass corner and crit
>ded
>shuttle about to leave, laugh at op as he tries to break out of bridge and after a few minutes of work buts through a lattice to find his way blocked by blast doors
>ai comes and taunts him
>shuttle leaves
>crew major victory

shittiest captain i have seen in a long, long time

bonus kek: apparently one of the awps was bombing the derelict because he got his directions mixed up when he got off the shuttle

Deitus, you made me laugh.

That captain was A-grade.

another one from last night:

>tired of rolling cap so often
>set it to low, ai to high
>roll hop
>ainthatsomeshit.jpg
>surprisingly uncrowded for highpop hours, only a few come though
>one of them even has a resume, give that nigga access
>little while in, apparently some botanist was shitting out vines
>ten bucks says its fuckin daisy holmes
>whatever, crew can handle it, have cargo order some week killer crates to help out
>suddenly ionospheric anomalies give ai new law
>"vines are human"
>ai and crew go into full panic mode
>settling in for the show, but cap busts into my office
>wants help changing the laws
>opens doors, lasers top two turrets
>"or yknow i can just stand at the switch and make sure it stays off"
>"oh yeah good idea hop"
>tosses spent laser in bridge charger, goes in to change laws
>ai shuts off apc
>yeah i sure didnt see that coming
>cap runs off to eva for some tools
>comes back around the time some dude in a hazmat suit gets through into the upload from the gravgen
>helps cap cut apc wires and shit while i wait on turret duty
>power restored, but a secborg rushes past me before they can do the change and stuns/cuffs both of them
>grab flash from bridge table and run in
>stun borg
>drag it out while chain flashing
>grab laser cap left in the charger
>ded borg
>go in and uncuff cap and hazmat dude
>laws changed
>handshakes all around
>drag borg over to robotics for a reset
>while we were fixing the ai apparently the vines got super out of control
>covering most of escape, mutations errywhere
>grab welder to kill vines with
>blinds me when i do
>why is this a thing
>plan b, grab bridge axe and an eva suit
>centcomm says to clear out the area where the shuttle will arrive
>attempt to do so, get cucked by gravity
>shoulda brought some metal for lattices
>eventually head back in
>multiple requests for the nuke auth codes have been made, centcomm finally agrees
>cap starts nuke
>OH FUCK LAUNCH LAUNCH LAUNCH
>swipe my id, ce is there and keeps telling us he's deaf and doesn't know what we're trying to say despite me and three other people emoting pointing to his id and the shuttle console
>finally gets the message
>one auth left
>...no heads left. either fucked off into gateway or to mining
>its ok the cap wouldn't set it to be so qui--
>ZZT ZZT ZZT BWAAH BWAAH BWAAH
>OHSHITNIGGERFUCKINGHELL
>admins panic, do shuttle launch in 10s
>race between takeoff and nuke
>nuke wins with ONE FUCKING SECOND LEFT
>shuttle full of dead people set to arrive at centcomm

i swear the one time i DONT make a captain id as hop it comes back and bites me in the ass

Deitus wrote:-vines, vines everywhere snip-

That was a heck of a round and a single bluespace vine tile managed to get onboard despite it all

Great stories as usual, but I do want to clear up one thing.

Where the hell does this myth about "crayon, so it's not a gang tag" come from? Gang spray cans spray crayon. So do all spray cans. It's not cult, where you can tell the difference by examining it: here, you have to base whether it indicates gangs by the pattern (only modified spray cans will keep spraying the same gang tag) and placement. To prove it, let's check the code. Here's the "toys" section where gang spray cans fit under 'crayon' (just ctrl+f 'spray' and scroll up). Here's a snippet:
And more importantly, here's what you spray out: https://github.com/tgstation/-tg-statio ... /crayon.dm. There's no special description for paint. It's just "A [name] drawn in crayon.". If it's a poseur tag, then it will be random.

If it is crayon, it can still be a gang tag. All gang tags are crayon. Let me know if I've completely fucked up in my understanding though, and so long as you can explain with reference to the code what I've misunderstood, then sure, I'll believe you. Until then, "it's crayon" is not an argument I'll accept for "it's not a gang".

i legit did not know that, though it doesnt make that cap any less of a douche. also we should really be able to differentiate so sec doesnt shit itself ordering implants due to one greyshirt when its actually ops or something

Deitus wrote:i legit did not know that, though it doesnt make that cap any less of a douche. also we should really be able to differentiate so sec doesnt shit itself ordering implants due to one greyshirt when its actually ops or something

False. All graffiti being crayon is an excellent metagaminng countermeasure.

Atlanta-Ned wrote:

Deitus wrote:i legit did not know that, though it doesnt make that cap any less of a douche. also we should really be able to differentiate so sec doesnt shit itself ordering implants due to one greyshirt when its actually ops or something

False. All graffiti being crayon is an excellent metagaminng countermeasure.

i can kinda understand that but then why can we distinguish between blood and crayon? it just seems like an odd disconnect

Deitus wrote:

Atlanta-Ned wrote:

Deitus wrote:i legit did not know that, though it doesnt make that cap any less of a douche. also we should really be able to differentiate so sec doesnt shit itself ordering implants due to one greyshirt when its actually ops or something

False. All graffiti being crayon is an excellent metagaminng countermeasure.

i can kinda understand that but then why can we distinguish between blood and crayon? it just seems like an odd disconnect

Well, often you only find one rune. They're not used very often and if the cult is diligent it wipes them out fairly regularly. So if we're going to have this 'fake rune' for whatever reason then it needs to be distinguishable.

With graffiti, there's very little point tagging just one room. People spraying tags will spray all the rooms in a given area, and do as many as possible, up to 20 if they can. These tags are always the same colour and shape: if it's a real gang, they literally can't differ.

If it's a normal spray can, things are very different: the tag picked is random, and there are a lot of gang tags. You're unlikely to get the same tag twice in a row, or even in the whole can of paint.

So it's fairly easy to tell if it's a legitimate gang tag or not by checking whether you're seeing more than one of the same tag. If you are, then it's time to rev up those harmbatons and start kidnapping departments.

that makes sense

BUT NOW BACK TO THE MEMES

>latejoin ce on meta
>you are the traitor!
>kill some random shaft miner and die gloriously
>eeeeeeeeeeh
>10am, not really feeli'n creative
>ill just release the singulo
>get to engineering, grab gloves and shit
>grab hardsui--
>where the actual flying fuck is my hardsuit
>some nigger stole it AND my boots
>COULD go to eva and get some spares, but muh special snowflake shoes...!
>also eeeeeeh 10am
>ask gods for memes
>"how cringey you want your memes fam"
>"just fuck my shit up fam"
>after a few seconds get transformed into statue
>heh this'l be gr--
>turn green and get pepe head, renamed "a statue of a frog"
>memes have reached critical mass
>teleported to main hallways, stalk the crew
>most just kind of laugh and keep on their way, maybe hit a few times before getting bored
>ai, however, REALLY wants me dead for some reason or another
>keeps trying to lock me down
>skirt that shit for a while, but it eventually succeeds
>it starts gloating while i try and figure out what to do
>by this point someone actually DID release the singulo
>shuttle in ~5
>suddenly gain etheral jaunt
>get out of ai's barricade
>it's triggered as fuck
>decide to meme harder, jaunt to ai sat
>bitch tries to laser me
>you ain't shit nigga
>appear right in front of it
>its about to have a fucking stroke
>eventually tire of its screaming and decide to go to escape
>only cap, cmo, the nigga who stole my hardsuit, and some random guy in a firesuit
>all but firesuit guy try to kill me, emptying clip after clip
>you ain't shit either
>firesuit guy trying to talk them down and defend me
>they just care about dem valids doe
>content myself with memeing around the shuttle, blocking doors within
>suddenly get barnyard
>my memes have now ascended
>give all of them barn faces
>now even firesuit guy wants me dead
>they surround me
>assailed with lasers, circular saw, fire extinguisher, and other shit
>yall STILL aint shit
>dock at centcomm, get meme and greentext

10/10 round, wish i couldve talked so i could ree at the crew though. also dunno why i didnt screencap the sprite, was good shit

>I was on the shuttle
>Was a mime in a spess suit
>Didn't get shotouts

I see how u roll fam i see ;(

ShadowDimentio wrote:>I was on the shuttle
>Was a mime in a spess suit
>Didn't get shotouts

I see how u roll fam i see ;(

i legit dont remember a mime being there, sorry fam

I just had my best traitor round ever.

>Be RD, immediately get salty as I roll RD almost every round when it's on low priority
>"GODDA-" You are the traitor!
>Oh nice.
>Last two times I was RD traitor I got robusted, this time will be the same, I know it
>Steal the hypospray
>No CMO
>Oh yesssss
>Convince HoP to make me dual RD/CMO so I can help medbay
>Take the defib, nitrile gloves, and hypospray, actually help medbay and revive someone before fucking off
>Explosions
>"OH GAWD NOOK AWPS CAWL DEH SHUTTEL"
>Literally no evidence it's nuke ops, shuttle isn't called
>Cap orders Cargonia to order a SHIT TON of guns

>Pic related, not all of them but most
>Detective asks me to come with him, asks why my fingerprints are all over the CMO's office
>Explain that HoP gave me access
>About to search me
>Tell him that I can give back CMO's compact defib, ask CMO if they want it back
>Detective immediately lets me go
>Give back defib, lie about not having the hypospray
>Turns out office was burglarized AGAIN, but they only took the stamp
>Say whoever took the stamp took the spray, CMO agrees
>Go on my merry way
>Suddenly staff meeting in Brig, Captain lists the possible threats
>And then aliums happened
>Arm ourselves (I already had an autorifle) and run down to Virology
>Convince robotocist to make mechs for everybody
>he actually does, is super enthusiastic about it
>Everybody is falling weak-kneed and submissive at the squeaky voice of Jazz Jackrabbit
>Get Ripley, rename it 'Dean Dildodrill' (Dean Dodrill was the main animator for the Jazz Jackrabbit games)


>Get to viro, where the aliums are, virologist is kill but so is the queen, just one cloaking alium to death
>GetDodrilledBitch.wmv
>HoS comes in blasting lasers everywhere after all the aliums are dead, actually takes the time to just look at me before shooting me once (wtf)
>Tell him to fuck off and leave
>Viro is being cloned but it takes like 6 years, leave genetics
>Shuttle is almost here
>Pass the time by clamping a braindead into crit, but he springs back up due to super healing AIDS the viro gave everyone before dying
>Try to chase swarmer, swarmer fucks off when I tromp harmlessly over their traps
>Get on shuttle
>Cockpit is packed with two Ripleys, mine included, and all heads
>Also AI, Ian, the Chef (who owned the other Ripley) and a borg, and assistant was there too but he got disabled, flashed, and booted out
>Before shuttle is to centcom, drill Ian to death
>Captain flips his shit and someone has a heart attack and dies (didn't know that could happen), lower part of shuttle exploded during this but no-one cared
>Walk proudly through the shuttle doors to centcom, wearing my greentext like a badge, but it blended right in
>Detective congratulates me over OOC about my wordsmithing skills




I love this game.


Bonus:

Well, it's good to know my tator round enabled something, despite feeling like a waste.

I was the QM.
I never had a chance to do anything because after the first call of Ops the HoP was breathing down my neck near constantly, with sec nearby

it was the literal definition of a waste

you didn't cap Willie in his bitch face

>highpop hours on bawx
>get hos
>full sec team
>oh nice
>they all gear up and REMEMBER TO LOCK THEIR LOCKERS
>dis gun b a gud shift
>piddle around a bit, captain is running around and not responding to command channel chatter
>whatever, as long as its not awps
>get a call that someone is walling themselves into the fucking library
>literally what
>get on the scene, few officers already there
>try to go in through maint, its walled too
>start to head back
>...ssst.
>did i just hear
>walk towards noise
>another distant "psssst"
>look on walls
>0g
>walk further
>0g tags all over the fucking bar maint
>WELP
>try to find sprayer, cant
>other officers reporting tags
>swipe for code red
>we start the regular stuff, implant/secure cargo, pally the silicons, etc
>manage to find a few gangers, convert them
>the clown was a leader
>goodnight, sweet prince
>suddenly hear a distant boom
>2 seconds later science sec officer screaming that all the transfer valves are gone
>ohboyherewego
>shitton more explosions, so i grab my suit and try to continue deconversions and shit
>bombs were pretty small, so that's a plus i guess
>later on get calls that pretty much all of medbay is gang
>try to go in myself after calling for backup
>survey the scene
>hodge podge of different jobs
>yall motherfuckers shifty as hell
>realize my weapons are low, start to head to sec recharger
>lizard geneticist starts acting real friendly
>"fuck off gang"
>"rude"
>he walks off
>at this point some guy linked a video in ooc so i put myself in a locker while my weapons charged to watch it (it was ~30s)
>figure im safe since none of them have sec acce--
>hear airlock open
>SHITNIGGERFUCK
>come back and see geneticist and three others pouring in, my locker is already open
>they disable me, i get a few of them back before i go down
>ganged
>fug
>lightly salted, but lizard makes me leader
>sure whatever
>scoot up to sec (which is bombed to shit by now) and pick through the armory
>fill up a locker with riot/bulletproofs and the remaining lasers we have
>bring down to medbay for gangbros
>at this point shuttle is almost here, tell others we need to dom now or never
>they slap one down in viro
>ai starts siphoning so most of the gang has to go out into medbay proper, my suit lets me stay
>small sec force comes in, i have element of trust so i disable/cuff them
>"HOS NO DONT BETRAY THALAW"
>"im sorry comrade"
>execute
>some other gang tries to dom but gets taken down fairly quickly
>few other crew members try to come in, manage to take them down
>ai is siphoning medbay now as well
>most of the gang is either unconscious, dead, or barely holding onto life as the pressure slowly kills them
>pretty much just me and some other engi hardsuit guy in viro
>one guy tries to take r wall down to get in, but another guy that was with him gets continually sucked in towards viro due to siphon air pressure difference and keeps getting electrocuted somehow
>kek
>a few stragglers try to play hero, summarily cuffed and executed
>dom finishes with not so much as a scratch on it
>psyke 4 lyfe

and that was how the HOS turned to a life of crime ;_;7

>Distracted by a video

That's where yu went rong fam

THE LAW is ever-vigilant, as to prevent filthy gangbangers from assaulting them

I PRESENT TO YOU
THE BALLAD OF CAMERON RICKENBACKER
THE CRINGIEST FLUKE

>spawn as awps
>herewego
>grab a macro like i always do
>other guys get their shit
>we decide to get a borg
>it spawns in
>do regular shit, get equips and suits, fill up oxygen
>some asshat accidentally releases all the oxygen in the canister
>this op is gonna go perfectly i can tell
>land west of station
>suddenly ai makes announcement of the syndiborg asking what the plan is on borg chat
>YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
>station in red alert, everyone screaming
>well fuck it lets just murderbone now
>we got a teleporter board, spawn in arrivals
>make way to bridge, get shot by fellow op
>stand back to patch myself up
>take a few guys down before i get slipped by the damn clown and lynched
>YOU LOSE
>none run from me when i activate the implant
>ALAHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU--
>gibs everywhere
>other ops dead
>apparently gearshift the hop has the disk, cap is doing ... something.
>ghost around a bit
>happen to pass by cap's office
>oh the op is fighting the cap
>op wins
>op takes the suit and everything, goes to cargo
>hop and a few cargonians there, suspect nothing
>cameron (barely) manages to kill them all
>grabs disk
>oh shit are we gonna salvage?!
>spends the next 10+ minutes around perma and space trying to find the shuttle
>deadchat is going nuts
>he has no jetpack, throwing random shit to propel himself in a zigzag
>what are you even doooooooooing
>FINALLY manages to find it
>...but cant open syndieshuttle blast doors
>HE LEFT IT IN THE CAP'S OFFICE
>he goes back to get it
>manages to arm nuke, sneaks it in security
>bill something in the sec shuttle hears something but doesnt come out
>he sits there in the shuttle while deadchat is screaming for him to leave
>he does
>gets trophy for "cringiest nuke fuccboi" or something similar
>borg and cam bullied mercilessly in post round ooc

that was a good shift if only for the deadchat losing their shit

That borg though

This was so close to being an Ops horror story

Also https://github.com/tgstation/-tg-station/pull/13584

>lizard assistant on box
>ask the clown to shave the bartenders ugly beard
>he agrees
>Rocco the md starts shoving the clown
>I shove back
>he shoots me with morphine
>yell over radio and nearly kick his ass
>pass out, but sec helps
>none of them give me coffee
>other idiotic md strips me and puts me in a sleeper
>rocco is for some reason not detained and injects more morphine
>wake up 10 minutes later
>criticize the md for putting me in a sleeper
>he calls me a bitch because Im not addicted to morphine?
>get arrested when rocco assaults me
>later
>someone makes a fake breach with disrupted floor tiles and space tiles right below tool storage
>fall for it, think of it as an excuse to grab the tool storage medkit
>go into gateway
>its the wild west
>everyone is dead
>the second stupid md is dead there too
>no weapons however
>smg syndie blocks the way
>pray to jeebus
>no answer
>sprint past 2 of them
>find a few other guys at the resteraunt with the monsters
>there were 3 I think
>one goes braindead
>get an smg, dual esword, and backup stechkin
>2 75% full mags for smg
>full mag for stechkin and 11 bullets in a box
>fighting off some faithless
>run out of meds
>run out of ammo soon after
>its the end
>jesus says "sorry im late"
>holding 2 auto shotguns, wearing a griffin costume
>kill most of the faithless
>go into crit
>jesus revives me
>jesus gets assaulted by 3 faithless
>kill them all with the dual esword
>round ends
>bring a sacrifice of a miner someone else was dragging, but jesus dies for our sins
>do world peace
>apc destroyed mission accomplished
also when I was unconscious the stupid md tried to cure the morphine overdose by putting me in a cryo... when I was at full health.

>rolling for QM on Meta
>get assistant
>dern
>run to cargo maint to get yellow gloves before they're gone
>get the yellows (and two more pairs from outside I later give out)
>also get xeno suit that I wear, EMP grenade, flashbang, and smoke bomb
>use smoke bomb on plasma bomb fire in bar, putting it out
>PDA the AI asking to help me prank some people in the dorms
>say over common that there are ERPers in Cabin 2
>flashbang the crowd that forms and kek to myself
>think about EMPing security but don't do it after getting basic brig access
>instead go to medbay and EMP a defib, then wear it, dumping my backpack
>get ganged soon after
>go to prime tool storage and get some cuffs
>go to escape, and see my first victim, disarm defib him to stun, cuff, then give him a heart attack with harm intent defib
>he says there's a present in his bag for me, immediately get worried about bombs so I punch him to crit
>find two infinite batteries in his bag holyshit.jpeg
>go to prime tool storage and replace the current defib battery with infinite one
>over the span of 20 minutes us my defib and cuffs to kill around ~9 people and a gang head, also kill a clown who was a gang head and had a gangtool of my own gang on him
>had a disease giving me minor burn for quite some time
>my gangs dominator drops in HoPs office fuck
>go to medbay and while getting healed in cryo the dom dies
>kill a few more people with defib and hide their bodies in maint bar, looting all of them
>my gangs dominator gets dropped in HoPs again fuck
>get cured of my disease and go to defend it
>rek a dude with a gang uniform with my totally balanced defib
>Mekhi comes down the hallway with shotguns
>gets rekt by defib
>gets killed and stripped outside robotics, he was a gang head
>the totally real xeno gangster has killed two gang heads
>go back to HoP, borg goes inside, bolts the door, and valids the dom
>we lose
>whatever, go to medbay and revive a ton of people including two gang bosses with my defib of balance
>go to the shuttle, borg had bolted down escape
>flash it from a dead officers stuff but a clown pushes me and it into a door
>AI starts slamming the door on us
>left with around 30 health before I get up and get inside the shuttle
>still have a flash
>chase the borg round until I get it in the shuttle bridge
>flash it, hurriedly look around for anything to kill it with
>thank the gods that Meta shuttle isn't shit and use an emergency toolbox on the table ot kill the shit out of the borg
>ride the shuttle timer out in peace

My first real murderbone as a non-wizard/Blob went pretty damn good

Yes hello I was the AI. Shoutouts to my borg, they managed to survive the shitstorm and kill two doms as a lowly engiborg.

That was because of a number of things, one because the bosses were dumbasses and chose literally the worst spot conceivable to put hte dom, twice in a row, and because you were bolting and siphoning everything. I had nothing on me to kill the borg so I was literally powerless to see it kill the dom.

I wasn't siphoning everything, that was either the borg or someone else.

>Be observer, badmin asks for prayer with answer to an arithmatic problem
>Pray the correct response
>Get spawned on Centcomm, YOU ARE A TRAITOR!!
>Release the Tesla Engine!
>I get to the station via ferry, get Engineering access from HoP without a problem
> Arrive an Engineering, prepare to swap into gear...I see an Engineer, Zeela who greets me...
Zeela Takk says, "WELCOME"
Zeela Takk says, "TO HELL"
Zeela Takk says, "MAGNI"
> THE TESLA ENGINE IS ALREADY FREED
> ZAPP!!!
> I ded, but mission complete, right!?!?!?!?

tfw you get your valids on for a non traitor

>be me, detective like always
>hos joins, immediately orders sec to brig random people and if it's longer than 5 minutes to perma them
>nobody does this, multiple tell hos to fuck off
>hos keeps arresting person I just fucking released, person is attacked by a lynch mob
>hos walks by as they manage to down one of their attackers, whips out egun and starts firing lethals at them
>awhellnah
>revolver down hos, cuffs, drag to brig while he screams 'DETECTIVE IS TRAITOR' like a little bitch
>strip him of his gun and backpack as he's dragged away and uncuffed by another officer
>his unique gun is promptly stolen by someone but I take his backpack, which has an egun and swat mask
>nice.jpg
>walk around a bit, being bored
>suddenly the hos zooms down the hall, stun batons me, and starts harm batonning me as he drags me around
>dumb bitch forgets to stun me again while beating, I stand up
>knock knock here comes my cock-ed gun
>revolver him down, unload on that motherfucker
>once cylinder was spent I whipped out my egun and lasered him to death as an assistant joins in by beating him
>I am the HoS now.
>turns out hos had released n20 into brig before trying to kill me
>he wasn't even traitor

get dunked on

To be continued in the ban appeals subforum...

Also, once again the detective is the last hope of the station.

RedMcCloud wrote:

Code: Select all

tfw you get your valids on for a non traitor

>Be me, warden
>Start of the round
>Everything's relaxed
>Detective comes in to chat and ask for some hudglasses
>WEE WOOO FUCKBOYS THE NUKERS ARE A COMING
>Oh
>Gear up with a sec hardsuit, shotgun, two tasers and a laser
>Go to deliver some firing pins to R&D
>"REEEEE WARDEN WHY AREN'T YOU GUARDING THE ARMORY!" Over the sec channel
>Nigga the armory is currently distributed among like 10 people I don't have anything to guard
>Pinpointer is at sec
>Yoink
>Go to the HoP line to get all access
>No ID in the computer or HoP
>Captain you idiot
>Captain walks in with a secborg and has five people tell him to put his ID in the machine
>He drools on himself and says no
>The pinpointer isn't even pointing to the cap
>Oh we're dealing with one of THOSE captains
>Calmly taze him and start to cuff him so access can be distributed
>"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WARDEN ROGUE AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"
>Borg batons me
>Sigh
>The crew lose their shit and start swarming the office to get their needed access
>His ID is taken but I'm still on the ground
>Cap starts lasering me
>Crew taze him back and drag him off
>Get helped up by detective bro and we get our access and bounce
>Find the disc guy
>It's the chaplain of all people
>Tell him he's with us
>Me, the detective, and the chaplain all hang out at cargo for more guns
>Get more guns and armor
>We're the meme team
>Wait around for a while
>OPS IN HOLODECK
>The meme team is on the case!
>Shoot several friendlies while fighting the ops
>Take like three bullets and nearly die
>Limp to the chappy
>They heal me
>Detective is gone
>Meh whatever
>Keep guarding the chappy
>Go back to cargo with him
>Relaxin chillmaxin
>See the detective come in
>Wait, he's not wearing the same stupid crusader outfit from earlier
>And has a gas mask on
>SPY!!
>Taze him and rip his mask off
>Has an nop name
>"Well, fuck."
>Pump buckshot into him at point blank
>He explodes and nearly kills me
>Get healed by chappy again
>MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
>Shuttle is called
>Wait around, still guarding the chappy
>HoP announces that a slime says there are ops at engineering
>I'M ON THE CASE
>Go to engi through space from escape
>See someone in the HoS' hardsuit fighting an op with a katana
>Wow this is just like one of my Japanese animes
>Shoot at the op with my shotgun
>The HoS suit eats the buckshot to the back
>Shoot again with a tazer
>The op goes down
>Unload on him
>Explodes
>HoS suit guy shoots me once
>Yeah I probably deserved that
>Points to a guy behind me in an engi hardsuit with a grey hud ID
>Taze him
>He was holding an op pistol
>Unload on him with my laser
>Doesn't do enough to kill him
>Steal some shells from the dead op's shotgun, they won't mind
>Finish op the engi op
>They explode
>Yep definately an op
>Bid the HoS suit ninja goodbye
>Get on the shuttle as the timer is reduced to ten seconds
>Ride victoriously to HQ

And that's the story of how I nuked three ops

Detective, I got injured and couldn't keep up with your running all over the station, so I went to medbay. The APC was off so I had to go get all access to go fix the APC (got there just in time to see someone else doing it) and then hop into cryo.

EDIT: also, crusader armour? Stupid?! It's well sprited *and* better armour than the casual jacket.

I was one of the OPs on the holodeck, I dragged the other guy through space there to get to the sleeper (Couldn't find our ship) and get us both healed. I had managed to revive him before you lot showed up

>First time gang boss
>ohshitohshitohfuckohgodhelppleasegod
>try to convert medbay and science
>this person is already a gang member
>aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
>convert random greyshirts, the clown etc. some of them take the spraycans, others wander off and I have to pick it up agian
>get pda texts, the usual suspects want me to join their tabletop game in the library
>take flashbang dropped by clumsy officer and toss it onto the table
>pen Studies-And-Surveys as he runs out
>despite having like 8 members at the biggest we quickly gain control of like 50% of the station with minimal conflict
>hand out uniforms, promote a greyshirt who actually listened to my announcmenets
>kill two opposing gangmembers with Studies, manage to evade sec thanks to the revenant showing up
>Okay we have a ton of influence and control ,let's prepare to drop the dom
>Have studies go to the maint bar and purchase arms while I try to wrangle the remaining members
>Killed in maint by opposition
>Studies takes all the guns, goes to EVA, flies out to the AI sat and plants the dom in aI storage
>The revenant shows up and emps the AI/borgs that come for the dom while Studies shoots everything with his Uzis/sketchins
>Studies and the revenant manage to hold off all the people coming to destroy the dom and take over the station in the name of the Prima Gang

>generic assistant round
>ask hop for his megaphone and delivery office access, to mail people letters that say "ur fat"
>he agrees
>call people in bar fat
>get sick
>realize i can open medbay doors with id
>get cured
>experiment
>realize I have all access
>get hop arrested for it
>call everyone fat over comms
>do dumb things with every heads console, like using the CMO console to say I diagnosed everyone with fat
>call the 20 people in bar fat with the megaphone every once in a while
>watch the hop and rd get executed in the courtroom
>calling everyone in bar fat again
>find like 3 people erping or something in bar storage
>call them fat a couple times
>officer comes by in maint
>suddenly nuke op
>also phoebe or someone is naked in the corner in maint
>nuke op assaults them
>gibs self and sets them all on fire
>they are all ok
>centcomm makes an announcement about how lizards are not supposed to burn or something and how they need to do menial labor or something
>make announcement about how calling people fat is not a menial task and proceed to give a news story on the event, calling everyone involved fat in the process
>shuttle comes
>in cockpit
>make my best ur mom joke
>shuttle docks with centcomm
>have the word fat hovering next to me
>hop was a traitor unsuprizingly

>barge into a room, ready to call everyone fat
>theres a literal condom on the floor, spelled with an M
>for once I see it spelled coMdom rather than condom

> Roll for clown.
> NUCLEAR OPS
> In fact, I'm the LEADER OPERATIVE.
> I know exactly what to do.
> "We must invade from the armory and bomb it"
> No, we're doing CLOWN OPS
> "What tactic will we use"
> CLOWN OPS
> Start praying for honk ops
> Cayenne, the goddess of gimmicks, comes to life and asks to gather our TCs.
> We buy full clown gear, five SPECIAL clown boots, two clown bombs and two H.O.N.K.s. Still have a shitload of leftover TCs.
> I'm having great trouble navigating around the base, because we need clown IDs to enter mechs, but operative IDs
> We finally load up on the shuttle
> There are two "SOUTH" options on the console
> End up near some rocks
> Is this AsteroidStation?
> No.
> South sucks, let's head to north.
> Load myself into HONK.
> "There's a HONK near permabrig!" - somebody yells over the security radio.
> Clownbomb the armory, warden and security all die.
> We prance into the station and start killing left and right.
> We split.
> HONK is a murder machine. I keep honking and punching people to death - I don't care if they're armed, nobody can stand against the almighty honk stun.
> I'm having so much fun, I forgot I need to find the disk. Where is it, anyway.
> Oh shit, I forgot the pinpointer. Ultimate fluke.
> Try to coordinate with other clowns over the radio - we barely do it for some time, but in the end, they all end up silent. I figure they're all dead.
> The shuttle just arrived.
> A man, who has the disk, boasts about killing the last clown in escape.
> Not the last one.
> I have about 10% power at this point.
> Stroll into chapel, where I find the diskbearer. He whips out a gun and shoots me, but I manage to dodge majority of shots.
> HOOOOOOOOOONK
> Punch him.
> Ha! The cavalry has arrived! After some sax, my honk horn recharges, and I honk again.
> Murder both the diskbearer and his protector with my mech fists.
> Moar guys in the arrivals.
> Out of charge.
> Buy a toy machine gun, jump out of the mech.
> BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
> BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
> Shoot about three guys dead, before I'm eventually shot to death by an energy gun.
> No regrets, had fun.

>Meta geneticist
>Gene god with tk, xray and hulk
>Bored
>Guy plants bomb in maint next to cap office
>Doesn't secure it, what an idiot
>Space it via mass driver
>Somehow either comes back or fails to launch
>Either way, chapel is exploded
>Welp I tried
>Go to gateway for some away mission memes
>It's xeno asteroid
>Wow okay
>Come back immediately because that away mission is boring
>Shuttle's called by the AI
>N2O everywhere, gravity off, tesla out
>I have a space suit so I'm good
>Upgrade my oxygen container at EVA and take some magboots
>Go to engi for some goggles so I can see everything
>Get them
>Fuck around for a while longer
>Plasma starts coming out of the vents
>Need to upgrade suits
>Go to engi for the atmos hardsuit
>Realize the CE hardsuit is there
>Go to take it
>AI locks me in and blows the lights, causing a fire
>Throw on the suit
>Fire immunity
>Pinch through a wall
>The AI has made a most regrettable mistake
>Crack the AI core like a walnut
>TK the AI to death with a floor tile
>It's powerless to stop me
>It's last words are "Really?"
>Get outplayed kid
>Shuttle is almost here
>Time to leave
>Go around by space
>There are carp EVERYWHERE
>They slow me down enough that I miss the shuttle
>"Well, I might have missed the shuttle, but I made the AI redtext, so I win."
>Admin blip "HEY NO OOC IN IC!!!"
>Wow okay
>"Sure I'll make sure not to OOC in IC when I'm all alone in space again."
>Round ends
>AI was rogue (obviously) and had to kill me
>Wow buddy you fucked up big time
>The buttblast is legendary
>"YOU OOC'D IN IC SO REALLY I WON"
>"Yeah okay"

Get dunked