/tg/Station 13

Bottom post of the previous page:

also I can sympathize with the "fuck there's a monkey in the HoP's office and it just ventcrawled but it would be REAALLLLLYY scummy to shout ling"

Doctor Pork wrote:

Armhulen wrote:i have an image of the nuke ops doing one last duel against the captain for the nuke disk and the captain whispers that if he loses to shoot up the op

I SWEAR I'LL FIND IT

Bill Rowe and the cowardly murder of an honorable nuke op.

I'm like 100% sure it was Bill Rowe. Still better than throwing the disk at the nukies. :^)

nooo i am most honorable

MimicFaux wrote: >mime leaves HoPs office without a word

>regular assistant
>acquire flash for plans while hearing about the cmo killing a botanist who stole a chem dispenser
>thats all fair in my eyes
>while searching for parts for my plan come across the cmo telebatonning duke and dragging him into the morgue
>end up locked in there with duke hiding in a slab while the cmo yells that he broke into morgue
>call him out over radio while duke says he was looking for the botanist, who is debrained in the next slab over
>he leaves the slab but I stay in
>cmo comes in
>gets baton and starts SWITCHBLADING(only availiable in a bundle currently) him
>flash, cable cuff, remove headset after he screams
>yell over radio about his switchblade
>ai is harm alarming
>fucking amy kimbitch the hot pink haired catgirl comes in and snatches the cmo while I am trying to medipen duke
>eventually steal a second flash and some alcohol bottles
>get duke an iv drip with o- blood
>he is printing parts for a plan
>nobody is stopping the cmo because nobody trusts me even when I am andrew mitchell instead of meme lizard supreme
>before I can hear dukes plan I hear "the cmo has leaked plasma in science"
>THE FUCK DID I SAY?
>discover he has a hardsuit and hulk so the only counter is just plain old lethals
>nobody is broadcasting location or anything
>come across a chaplain who was given a free riot shotgun and a fancy title PLAYING DND IN BAR WITH 3 CATGIRLS
>"theres a murderhulk cmo running around, you gonna use that?"
>"yea"
>he shoots me with multiple beanbags and fucks off
>bullshit
>get trapped in one of those conveyor belt infinite loops because apparently taking people outta the round is ok if they don't die
>somebody tosses a firebomb in
>dead

confused rock wrote:>come across a chaplain who was given a free riot shotgun and a fancy title PLAYING DND IN BAR WITH 3 CATGIRLS
>"theres a murderhulk cmo running around, you gonna use that?"
>"yea"
>he shoots me with multiple beanbags and fucks off

i'm angry just reading this

welcome to my life, you just reminded me of the story where a bartender shot me in the face when I pda messaged him as a reminder that the guy he was serving drinks to was a known ling, so he shot me in the face. I had an instagib grenade, and settled for simply leaving a hull breach in the floor out of spite.

>Trying to get revenge on the murderous CMO
>Hear the AI calling for help from the satellite
>Get genetic powers
>Go to sat, find the AI bluescreened
>Drag AI to RD office
>RD cards it, doesn't try to revive it
>Insist
>He begrudgingly tries to revive it
>Spy on the console with TK to check the laws
>There's a law 4 saying there are no humans
>There's a borg around, warn the RD it might still have that law and it could be rogue
>RD opens the borg panel, cuts AI link
>"That's not how it works, but it's not harming anybody anyway"
>About to leave
>Flashed, esworded, Rd saying that i knew too much
>mfw borg was actually emagged
>mfw in dead chat turns out AI had a law 0 anyway

XDTM wrote:>Trying to get revenge on the murderous CMO
>Hear the AI calling for help from the satellite
>Get genetic powers
>Go to sat, find the AI bluescreened
>Drag AI to RD office
>RD cards it, doesn't try to revive it
>Insist
>He begrudgingly tries to revive it
>Spy on the console with TK to check the laws
>There's a law 4 saying there are no humans
>There's a borg around, warn the RD it might still have that law and it could be rogue
>RD opens the borg panel, cuts AI link
>"That's not how it works, but it's not harming anybody anyway"
>About to leave
>Flashed, esworded, Rd saying that i knew too much
>mfw borg was actually emagged
>mfw in dead chat turns out AI had a law 0 anyway

That sounds pretty neat

>you're a traitor, kill this pleb and escape alive
>oh shit it's probably DA
>fuck this, I'm gonna C4 a bomb payload and take the brig with me
>leave my PDA in the dorms for someone else to take
>C4 detonates
>die instantly
>bomb payload remains completely intact

jaxy15 wrote:>you're a traitor, kill this pleb and escape alive
>oh shit it's probably DA
>fuck this, I'm gonna C4 a bomb payload and take the brig with me
>leave my PDA in the dorms for someone else to take
>C4 detonates
>die instantly
>bomb payload remains completely intact

Stupid jaxy

jaxy15 wrote:>you're a traitor, kill this pleb and escape alive
>oh shit it's probably DA
>fuck this, I'm gonna C4 a bomb payload and take the brig with me
>leave my PDA in the dorms for someone else to take
>C4 detonates
>die instantly
>bomb payload remains completely intact

Rare exploded traitor Jaxy collected.

>extended
>admins spawn zombies because of course
>they immediately die
>they send in a shuttle full of naked people and give players control over them
>i am one
>grab a skateboard and scoot around like a pro
>hos walks up and tases me
>uh what did i do fam?
>he asks me if im one of the people centcomm sent in
>yeah why?
>takes me to transfer center and makes an electric chair
>why are you killing me?
>"because centcomm sent you"
>dude you're being shit just for the valids
>LITERAL QUOTE: "yeah, i am. what are you gonna do about it?"

players like this are why people hate security.

>play plant person
>45 minutes into growing things looking p nice
>guy spawns
>wordlessly grabs all my food and biodegrades it
>ask him why he did that
>no response, keeps doing that
>starts insulting me over and over
>bitch whore
>rad him
>"fine play that way"
>catatonic
>respawns as another plant person
>goes catatonic
>respawns again and acts like a new person
>kills me
>"fucked, cuckold"
>no respawn because he purposely wasted every spawn
>verbal warning
>:)

what the fuck

XDTM wrote:what the fuck

and i quote to something close to this
"you need to work on your verbal communication and so does he"
i got abductor right after so i don't think i've completely felt this feel yet

ban that admin

Who's the admin who answered you.
You need to write a complaint, like, right now.

jaxy15 wrote:>you're a traitor, kill this pleb and escape alive
>oh shit it's probably DA
>fuck this, I'm gonna C4 a bomb payload and take the brig with me
>leave my PDA in the dorms for someone else to take
>C4 detonates
>die instantly
>bomb payload remains completely intact

I reported this bug months ago, feature freeze came and went, hundreds of bugs got fixed, this one still stands

DemonFiren wrote:Who's the admin who answered you.
You need to write a complaint, like, right now.

This

Rule 1 that podman too

Screemonster wrote:

DemonFiren wrote:Who's the admin who answered you.
You need to write a complaint, like, right now.

This

Rule 1 that podman too

successful complaint but it didn't really do anything


damn you podman

Wait, how the hell is "I joined as a ghost role and murdered the person who cucked me in my last life" not an immediate cactusfucking

do we need saegrimr back?

ghost roles are "low priority"

Pm me who the handling admin was I'll see if I can do anything

Screemonster wrote:Wait, how the hell is "I joined as a ghost role and murdered the person who cucked me in my last life" not an immediate cactusfucking

do we need saegrimr back?

>even asking

DemonFiren wrote:

Screemonster wrote:Wait, how the hell is "I joined as a ghost role and murdered the person who cucked me in my last life" not an immediate cactusfucking

do we need saegrimr back?

>even asking

the hero we need.

Deitus wrote:>extended
>admins spawn zombies because of course
>they immediately die
>they send in a shuttle full of naked people and give players control over them
>i am one
>grab a skateboard and scoot around like a pro
>hos walks up and tases me
>uh what did i do fam?
>he asks me if im one of the people centcomm sent in
>yeah why?
>takes me to transfer center and makes an electric chair
>why are you killing me?
>"because centcomm sent you"
>dude you're being shit just for the valids
>LITERAL QUOTE: "yeah, i am. what are you gonna do about it?"

players like this are why people hate security.

HMMMMM. IS THAT A RULE 1 I SMELL?

where did this "anyone sent from central is valid" meme start anyway, 'cause the only people nonantags are allowed to do whatever the hell they like to are confirmed antags and not everyone that comes from central is an antag

Is there any more context to that?

I doubt they would do something as ducky as just send naked people. Was there any chance of any of you being infected with z virus?

If that actually happened, you should adminhelp the fuck outta it.

Jobbans for people who absolutely shouldn't have any sort of power are the reason why Ban Requests should still be a thing.

I remember centcomm saying they were sending "free valids" but i was a ling so i didnt care. Maybe it was like that?

>Join as HoS
>Put down a chaplain that had his grace out
>Respond to a security breach in HoP office
>Arrest a scientist that broke in and got the HoP locker open
>Also arrest a greyshit that broke in
>Decide to be lenient and let the greyshit off easy
>They slip me with soap and cuff me
>Spent 15 minutes or so cuffed while they undressed me, tried to turn me into a woman with surgery, and tried other methods to feminize me
>Was non antag

He got banned but this is probably the last time I'm lenient with greyshits tbh.

D&B wrote:>Join as HoS
>Put down a chaplain that had his grace out
>Respond to a security breach in HoP office
>Arrest a scientist that broke in and got the HoP locker open
>Also arrest a greyshit that broke in
>Decide to be lenient and let the greyshit off easy
>They slip me with soap and cuff me
>Spent 15 minutes or so cuffed while they undressed me, tried to turn me into a woman with surgery, and tried other methods to feminize me
>Was non antag

He got banned but this is probably the last time I'm lenient with greyshits tbh.

Pretty sure this incident started because you didn't hear that the captain had promoted a new HoP and just arrested the guy he promoted.

Did cap even announce it?

Anyway the point is I still regret being lenient.

D&B wrote:Did cap even announce it?

Anyway the point is I still regret being lenient.

It was a radio message. Pretty easy to miss.

Its not a rage story if they get banned

> Spawn as Wizard
> Oh boi it has been ages and there are so many new toys and tools!
> Objective to escape alone
> Decide to try and build up an army of constructs
> Hm weird teleport scroll only lists "space" as possible location
> Oh well it has to be at least near the station so I can just jaunt in, right?
> Space
> Ded
> Round ends after like 5 min.

But admins and such are looking into it.

But I got a Wizard token out of it.

dionysus24779 wrote:> Spawn as Wizard
> Oh boi it has been ages and there are so many new toys and tools!
> Objective to escape alone
> Decide to try and build up an army of constructs
> Hm weird teleport scroll only lists "space" as possible location
> Oh well it has to be at least near the station so I can just jaunt in, right?
> Space
> Ded
> Round ends after like 5 min.

But admins and such are looking into it.

But I got a Wizard token out of it.

Its an ongoing bug. Something broke location labels and in the process broke teleportation

> Be cyborg
> Decide to make maintenance tunnels great again
> There must be no plating with ugly wires - I'll cover everything in floor tiles!
> Don't care about anything else going on - I'm just doing my thing.
> In the process, the mime climbs on my back and stays with me for the following hour, never leaving me.
> After what feels like forever, my job is done. Maintenance tunnels are clean, tidy and look nice.
> Feel like I deserved some rest, get out of maints.
> See a cuffed man near a green toolbox, who demands to be uncuffed.
> I've got a bad feeling about this
> Uncuff him
> He immediately picks up the green toolbox and...
> Yup, it's His Grace
> Tries to kill the mime.
> Not so fast, assho-
> Suddenly, His Grace eats the guy.
> Then it eats the Mime
> THEN it eats a couple of greyshirts running through
> Nearly eats me too, but I manage to run away
> Okay, I just need to wait until it calms down and not let it kill anyone else
> Lower the firelocks
> Onlookers gather around, annoyed by the firelocks
> WHAT, NO, DON'T CROWBAR THE-
> His Grace eats four more people
> Darwinism in action.
> Eventually it calms down, so I pull it and drag it all the way to RnD
> Somebody notices me dragging His Grace. It's Nathan Ward and some other cunt.
> Over the radio, call security to RnD, as I only will trust them to destroy His Grace.
> Nathan screams at me to give the toolbox to him, as "only he knows how to destroy it"
> ...yeah, fat chance, I don't trust you.
> Forget to bolt the doors
> While I'm radioing security again, some moron opens the doors for those two, and they immediately make a run for His Grace.
> Luckily, I have a flash.
> What I don't have, however, is common sense - instead of running off immediately after stunning them, I stick around for a few seconds
> So when Nathan stands up, he is able to chase me.
> Pulling His Grace instead of carrying it has disadvantages
> Namely, that Nathan is able to outrun me and take it into his hands.
> Immediately, he activates it and starts hitting me.
> Get killed in two or three hits
> Nathan gets eaten very soon, but I'm pretty sure he manages to kill someone else before his time comes.
> I say "pretty sure" because I didn't actually see it happen, my BYOND crashed
> Naturally, Nathan prescanned himself, so he gets autocloned.
> ...and arrested by security immediately for being shit.
> Officer arresting him notes that he "Shouldn't even be alive right now"
> I completely agree.
> Turns out, you can't really hold this man imprisoned - after he dies again, he gets autocloned the second time.
> ...or maybe not, because of the radstorm.
> Radstorm forces people into maintenance tunnels, where His Grace lies, so a few more people die to it.
> Round ends.
> Nathan Ward was not an antagonist
> What a fucking cunt

InsaneHyena wrote:

Where was the ahelp?

From his behaviour I assumed that Nathan was an antagonist, so I didn't ahelp until the round ended. When I did, the round was over, it was too late and I didn't get a response

FYI you can cremate Grace.

D&B wrote:FYI you can cremate Grace.

Cremate, disposals grinder, explosives I believe works too.

This is legitimately in my opinion the least retarded "rock gets mad at snowflake degenerate lizards" story
>be cool cat andrew mitchinator on box
>sittin in arrivals playin isaac
>die
>hear reports of a clown called lizard clown being a s h i t t e r and they also know sleeping carp
>do I have to do everything myself
>make ied spear
>time to go
>smells is an officer and tries to tase me
>oh fuck off
>throw the ied spear in their general direction
>they fuck off
>in tool storage making a spear to cut off my arm, better dead than smells arresting me and stripping me naked in interrogation while they are also naked
>they charge in again
>oh fuck OFF
>dropping the glass shard to make a getaway but they accidentally slip on the glass shard because they are a digitigrade
>laughing my ass off as I tase them again and run into maint
>try to cut off my arm again
>for some stupid reason I hit literally everywhere EXCEPT the arm and die
>meanwhile, an engineer lizard is walking through maint
>they are refurbishing it with lights
>they see my corpse
>they pull it into a corner and leave it there?
>still playing isaac
>no fucking keys for the item room
>smells finds my body
>sends detective
>detective can't identify except that its an engineer because they have gloves
>they assume its a cultist for some reason? its a traitor round.
>in cloning
>lizard(see a trend here) geneticist tries to speedclone me
>also, they stashed my body in morgue so I don't get my stuff
>pop out with no eyes or tongue
>put in a cryo that is set to manual
>I have no tongue and I must insult this lizard
>end up in maint because rads
>slap them a few times but they ignore it
>make myself a blindfold outta cloth from biogen and wander back over to medbay
>rd telebatons and cable cuffs smells
>try to feel my way around but I am blindfolded
>the flash of regular vision shows them dragging them into the center hallway
>spidey senses tingling
>feel my way around and ensure their most likely path has no open doors, find my way into tool storage
>they run off as I hear batonning
>circle around again
>they are in tool storage again
>rd is so close behind they can baton smells down as I rescue them
>slip on water
>janitor does not assist in any manner (they weren't a lizard though I gotta admit)
>not much happens
>feeling pretty good about myself having almost saved an asshole without even having eyes
>cmo is braindead, throw them at their office door, find that smells is in robotics
>wander in
>I feel that THE EVIL LIZARD SLEEPING CARP DEGENERATE CLOWN is next to me and is BRIGHT BLUE AND DIGITIGRADE!!
>punch the shit outta them
>smells shoots me in the face and disposals me
>this is what i get for trying to save you
>later
>feelin pretty shitty, come to the hop asking for an id and ask him to admiral it why not
>hop can't understand the word admiral, its missing the D
>smells starts throwing a baton at me
>catch on the third throw
>I literally can't see them and I am kicking their ass
>do not kill them though
>end up slapping the fuck outta them in a chokehold
>asshole with gaga gar glasses frees them
>fucking steal their glasses and throw them at them
>smells has another baton
>same strat
>smells is all like "harder daddy"
>after they get free again they commit suicide
>I realise the whole thing was an elaborate suicide/banbait attempt, but why?
>hop, impressed by my performance, is trying to understand what I am saying
>with the cap's help they finally figure it out
>they are unsure if they should make me an admiral when a fake admiral from centcomm is saying nukies are coming in 20 minutes I dunno maybe becausethe clown was the last traitor and nobody was killing him
>have my smells baton and my blindfold and nothing else
>realise the grille above the communications console is merely a grille
>break it with a glass shard
>make an announcement calling everyone fat and saying I am the real admiral
>ops come in
>I fucking kick one's ass while BLIND using nothing but a baton WHILE ON FIRE
>barely survive thanks to a medic who saw my performance
>lizard clown makes an announcement "you guys didn't like my performance so I gave the ops the disk HONK"
>WOWEEEEEEEE WHO WOULDVE THOUGHT
>ai is asking why nobody killed them
>without even an id for maint access, manage to find a crowbar and get to an empty arrivals pod.
>round ends with me escaping the blast
>jarek was the clown traitor
>smells was one of the ops
>realise the lizard metagang was in control all along and the suicide of smells was because they knew they could become an op and jarek would pass the disk
>I have been played

honestly lads this is lizards in action matey I just I just can't handle this I tried so hard man.

Oh hey, I was the RD and yeah, if I wasnt called away I would have been banned for genociding ALL THE LIGGERS

Smells and jarek should be banned themselves I may have been blind and I may have had no tongue but I HAVE A VOICE
#idonthatelizardsihatelizardplayers

If lizards are not bad, then why do they attract the worst players? Checkmate.

Self-fulfilling prophecy.
By assuming lizard players are bad the good ones are driven away.
Source: this is why I don't play much anymore, and I very clearly am one of the best.

So as non-antag you produce an explosive lance and try to kill me with it when i try to stop you
Makes me think you're a traitor from the start so don't act so hard done by.
Also don't know what you're on about with me calling you cult or me putting you in disposals, don't remember doing that

Thanks for shooting me with a shotgun and letting ligger clown strio me. I bet you would have let him beat me to death if another ligger didnt come to save me, you are the epitomy of shit-curity

It's all blurry memories but i definitely recall you trying to kidnap me... I shot you once with [non-lethals] because you were beating the clown to death. The clown hadn't committed a single crime that i was told about so i wasn't going to valid hunt them like you lot would. I don't cry on the forums about extremely petty things and you shouldn't either, c'mon guys.