Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Enzar · Post by **Enzar** » Mon Jul 02, 2018 7:28 pm #423552

Bottom post of the previous page:

Disarm stuck sounds like an anime attack

bman · Post by **bman** » Mon Jul 02, 2018 7:45 pm #423553

shit now my ebinpost got door stucked on the previous page's end

RandolfTheMeh · Mon Jul 02, 2018 7:56 pm

Bman gimmick stories bring light to the world but mostly this forum

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Mon Jul 02, 2018 9:38 pm #423620

bman wrote:

What the fuck are those bottom-row doors. Is this what they turned hatches into?

bman · Post by **bman** » Mon Jul 02, 2018 10:43 pm #423646

DemonFiren wrote:
bman wrote:
What the fuck are those bottom-row doors. Is this what they turned hatches into?

nabski was memeing with his own sprites

Nabski · Post by **Nabski** » Tue Jul 03, 2018 5:35 pm #423831

I like to just load things I am working in on the station to see how they look. How do you think meat station happened.

bman · Post by **bman** » Tue Jul 03, 2018 5:49 pm #423833

Nabski wrote:I like to just load things I am working in on the station to see how they look. How do you think meat station happened.

bruh why dont you use dream daemon

Nabski · Post by **Nabski** » Tue Jul 03, 2018 6:34 pm #423837

bman wrote:
Nabski wrote:I like to just load things I am working in on the station to see how they look. How do you think meat station happened.
bruh why dont you use dream daemon

Doing it live is faster and funnier.

bman · Post by **bman** » Thu Jul 05, 2018 2:31 am #424224

[center]Artyom Kowalski: Lavaland Trader[/center]

>be artyom kowalski
>have a mighty need, go to lavaland
>take a few pods, make a triple shelter
>mine out minerals, kill creatures, and gather fruits and plants
>start dealing with miners by giving them locations, trading shit with them, and healing/feeding them when they drop by my outpost
>launch kusami comes to me regularly, i always give them minerals for bluespace pods
>they also dispose of megafauna that's dangerously close to my base for me
>pretty comfy round

bman · Post by **bman** » Thu Jul 05, 2018 5:53 am #424279

BMAN-LASER NEXT LEVEL: HALLWAY PACKERS

>join
>decide to tide
>decide to pack the central loop with canisters
>thomas laser appears and starts punching me up
>fight him for a while before convincing him to join me
>give him my stacks of metal
>he starts packing the hallway with walls
>i go the opposite side of the hallway and start packing the hallway with reinforced windows, it's hilarious as fuck
>either by a stroke of luck or tactical genius, the clown ends up stuck in between the walls, canisters, and windows i packed.

>continue packing the hallway with windows to ridiculous level
>thomas PDAs me to come to the bridge where we started packing RIGHT NOW and there's something hilarious
>arrive
>see clown and hos stuck together between all the shit we packed

>because of this affront to nature, later on i turn myself in to security and they gently land a labor shuttle on top of me, while thomas gets away

Erik489 · Post by **Erik489** » Fri Jul 06, 2018 1:39 am #424458

>Be Count Honkula, the Honkiest of honks
>Mosey on over to the HOP line.
> Pie a dumb assistant out of my way, honk at him until he leaves
> “Hey HOP, what memes are on the menu” and hand over my card.
> he hands it back.
> All Access
>Take the spare ID and nuke disk
> send a message to other stations, “one day, while the clown was honking”
> Idea
>Remember ID mod console in arrivals checkpoint.
> message each assistant, “hey silly nigger, come to arrivals for all access”
>6 people show up, now 6 more have all access
> AI is losing its shit, “CLOWN JUS GAYV OUT SO MUCH ALL AGGESS REEEEE”.
> hide in locker, only detective comes to investigate, shrugs and leaves.
> Few minutes later, Syndihonk bomb outside armory.
> NO ONE CARES ABOUT THE AI SCREAMING
> Stealth Ops, wew
> some Honkerson comes to ask about the All access and wants some.
> I pull out the spare ID, she one ups me and pulls out a silenced stetchkin and replaces my teeth with bullets.
> MFW operatives basically had the disk handed over to them and now have the spare ID
> Station blows up 5 minutes later
> OOC is going nuts.

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Fri Jul 06, 2018 6:23 am #424496

that is not a story of awesome

Erik489 · Post by **Erik489** » Fri Jul 06, 2018 7:44 am #424504

DemonFiren wrote:that is not a story of awesome

Anything that involves a clown and a nuke disk is a story to be told, my friend.

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Fri Jul 06, 2018 10:04 am #424509

yes, but we also have a rage, tears and regret thread
and a not that interesting thread

factoryman942 · Fri Jul 13, 2018 10:11 pm

>be viro
>haven't played viro since before thresholds and the weird regen symptoms
>spend half an hour making a heal virus
>regen coma, eternal youth, sneezing, neutered vitiligo, neutered fever
>infect self, release virus by walking about
>start dying
>fuck
>shouts of shitvirus begin to echo through the halls
>keep going into crit, then regen coma kicks in and I return to full health
>slowly return to viro, CMO comes in
>thinks it's a problem that fever's not neutered somehow and is still giving damage from the resistance threshold
>cynthia looks at virus on holodeck, announces it to be benign
>by now most of the station is falling over and getting up from coma

>it's fucking nanites
>nanites made to spread like a virus, applying brute damage, and seizing the muscles
>my virus just picked people up after they went down
>i saved the round according to cynthia?

somerandomguy · Sat Jul 14, 2018 2:03 pm

factoryman942 wrote:
Spoiler:
>be viro
>haven't played viro since before thresholds and the weird regen symptoms
>spend half an hour making a heal virus
>regen coma, eternal youth, sneezing, neutered vitiligo, neutered fever
>infect self, release virus by walking about
>start dying
>fuck
>shouts of shitvirus begin to echo through the halls
>keep going into crit, then regen coma kicks in and I return to full health
>slowly return to viro, CMO comes in
>thinks it's a problem that fever's not neutered somehow and is still giving damage from the resistance threshold
>cynthia looks at virus on holodeck, announces it to be benign
>by now most of the station is falling over and getting up from coma

>it's fucking nanites
>nanites made to spread like a virus, applying brute damage, and seizing the muscles
>my virus just picked people up after they went down
>i saved the round according to cynthia?

The other side of the story:
>be scientist
>YOU ARE THE TRAITOR
>objectives are steal a reflector vest and hijack
>try to tc trade for an ayy surgical tool
>get one for FOUR tc
>set up nanite machinery in experimentor
>scan tool, get nanite research including hazard nanites
>make a cloud buffer, the notable programs are stealth, spreading, paralysis, aggressive rep., generic one that does brute damage, and hallucination
>inject a monkey, put it in the halls
>toxins bomb goes off, I could used this to get EXPLODING nanites but I don't
>other sci comes in, asks about it
>I tell him it's a healing program but "it's a bit experimental"
>later tells me he's dying
>remember I forgot to make paralysis and the brute one inactive
>do that
>try to debug for a bit, not working, realize I was getting re-infected
>buy an EMP flashlight to cure myself
>activate the global kill code
>they're not all dying somehow
>people figure out it's nanites and they can cure themselves with the ion gun
>try to use paralysis and narcolepsy to keep them from curing themselves
>doesnt seem to work
>later I find out that the programs used too many nanites, everyone was at the safety threshold
>back to the present
>buy emag, get on the shuttle, emag console
>some other people get on it in time, including a borg
>emag the borg, he makes a heroic last stand
>get spaced
>die, shuttle docks

Your regen coma totally did save the round, basically everyone was infected at that point and the nanites did brute damage REALLY fast, but apparently the coma outhealed it.

bman · Post by **bman** » Sat Jul 14, 2018 6:11 pm #426299

>be traitor
>Tc trade with dorsidwarf to be a fast gondola
>makes me into speedy gondales
>start running around at extremely hihg speed
>tell him to play intial D
>WHEN THE SUN GOES DOWN
[youtube]ko-mjerzNlY[/youtube]
>initial d ost playing throughout the round as i run around at high speeds

>drunk sticky logs into the server
>ahelp "sticky watch"
>he gives me a dance floor

>hos puts out a bounty on my dead body in exchange for all access
>im too fast to catch anyways
>end up saving hos later on anyways

WHEN THE SUN GOES DOWN

Mon Jul 16, 2018 8:09 pm

somerandomguy wrote:
factoryman942 wrote:
Spoiler:
>be viro
>haven't played viro since before thresholds and the weird regen symptoms
>spend half an hour making a heal virus
>regen coma, eternal youth, sneezing, neutered vitiligo, neutered fever
>infect self, release virus by walking about
>start dying
>fuck
>shouts of shitvirus begin to echo through the halls
>keep going into crit, then regen coma kicks in and I return to full health
>slowly return to viro, CMO comes in
>thinks it's a problem that fever's not neutered somehow and is still giving damage from the resistance threshold
>cynthia looks at virus on holodeck, announces it to be benign
>by now most of the station is falling over and getting up from coma

>it's fucking nanites
>nanites made to spread like a virus, applying brute damage, and seizing the muscles
>my virus just picked people up after they went down
>i saved the round according to cynthia?
The other side of the story:
Spoiler:
>be scientist
>YOU ARE THE TRAITOR
>objectives are steal a reflector vest and hijack
>try to tc trade for an ayy surgical tool
>get one for FOUR tc
>set up nanite machinery in experimentor
>scan tool, get nanite research including hazard nanites
>make a cloud buffer, the notable programs are stealth, spreading, paralysis, aggressive rep., generic one that does brute damage, and hallucination
>inject a monkey, put it in the halls
>toxins bomb goes off, I could used this to get EXPLODING nanites but I don't
>other sci comes in, asks about it
>I tell him it's a healing program but "it's a bit experimental"
>later tells me he's dying
>remember I forgot to make paralysis and the brute one inactive
>do that
>try to debug for a bit, not working, realize I was getting re-infected
>buy an EMP flashlight to cure myself
>activate the global kill code
>they're not all dying somehow
>people figure out it's nanites and they can cure themselves with the ion gun
>try to use paralysis and narcolepsy to keep them from curing themselves
>doesnt seem to work
>later I find out that the programs used too many nanites, everyone was at the safety threshold
>back to the present
>buy emag, get on the shuttle, emag console
>some other people get on it in time, including a borg
>emag the borg, he makes a heroic last stand
>get spaced
>die, shuttle docks

Your regen coma totally did save the round, basically everyone was infected at that point and the nanites did brute damage REALLY fast, but apparently the coma outhealed it.

This is fucking sick, nanites vs bionics battling it out at a microscopic level. can't wait to play with the new nanites system

XDTM · Post by **XDTM** » Wed Jul 18, 2018 8:40 am #427327

I will need to nerf or remove aggressive replication nanites, they do damage AND add nanites which is a no brainer for a death nanite set, and it's what made nanites still be dangerous that round even if they had no supply to draw from.

bman · Post by **bman** » Sun Jul 29, 2018 2:35 am #429761

MAMA MIA

bman · Post by **bman** » Sun Jul 29, 2018 2:49 am #429764

[youtube]GA4JThRBvck[/youtube]

Suicidalpickles · Sun Jul 29, 2018 7:13 am

>be tideshit breaking into lawyer office for the meme cartridge
>sudden revhead converts me in the middle of hack panel loading
>immediately run for chemistry, nab a single beaker of thermite, then bolt for EVA
>rush armory cyka blyat, dodge armsky and manage to laser it, nab tasers and shit + reflector vest
>loop to maint airlocks, suit off, go run to the brig with the ID of a suicided lawyer, tase HoS and unload an egun into them
>drag to dorms bathroom, cornered with sec outside breaching their way in the 1x2 shower room, loot HoS, bust window to space and drag off to loop around for the brig space airlocks
>sec catches onto me, tase & space one officer and brutepatch myself in space, cap shows up in EVA equipment, tase cap and go for another loop to arrivals airlocks
>loot cap, space cap, last head left is HoP
>take my time to recharge all my guns in the secpost
>Meanwhile sec thinks I'm a ling because all of that spacewalking
>raid hop office, kill an officer and leave him for the other revs, taze hop and drag towards arrivals while lasering
>AI notices me, starts firelocking me in the area and 2 sec officers show up (one that I spaced earlier survived)
>gunfight ensues, tase both and shotgun one with their own rubbershot
>hands literally trembling from adrenaline right then
>out of ammo, resorting to bashing with half charged baton upon the redsuits
>warden tries to tase, misses, loop around him and grab an officer's corpse, warden fires again, suplex corpse into warden and grab their taser
>Oh fuck their taser is out of ammo too
>have a backup telebaton in my bag as last resort
>rng telescopic shield keeps warden from kravving me twice, smack him up with the baton
>forgot about hop entirely, go to their office for a taser recharge before more sec shows
>round ends; hop finally died from my earlier attack
>mfw literally carried the the whole revolution, not a single rev death either after 30 mins or so.

Erik489 · Post by **Erik489** » Sun Jul 29, 2018 10:04 pm #429869

Suicidalpickles wrote:>The Saboteur, SS13 edition.

I was the AI, CL4P-TP. Security channel was losing their shit the entire time. I wanted to just give up since half the time the heads forget to upload a new law dehumanizing revs or even wording them correctly.

Hathkar · Post by **Hathkar** » Sun Jul 29, 2018 10:34 pm #429875

>Engineer
>Get pda'd by Quartermaster about setting up a singularity engine for cargo
>Sure why not
>Start building a small base outside cargo in space so we have someplace to place the engine
>Swarm of nuke ops come flying in, shooting at me
>Fly around like a madman trying to dodge shots, pick up the jetpack one of them dropped
>Fly into space for safety and call comms about the nuke ops
>Bump into the op shuttle, which still had the blast door open
>Enter the shuttle, notice they left a spare syndie bomb beacon
>Set up the syndie bomb in their own shuttle, wrench it down
>Steal the nuke from the shuttle, bring it to the Supermatter engine
>Shard that nuke good

Wish I had recorded it.

bman · Post by **bman** » Mon Aug 06, 2018 7:07 am #431475

MAMA MIA 3: THE ULTIMATE SPICY MEATBALL PIZZA
>be the legendary chef, alfredo italiano, who covers the front food desk with food every round without fail

>botany actually works this round
>they make MEATWHEAT, granting me an infinite supply of meat
>later on, i receive a message via the service channel, and it split my skull open.....
>"CHEF WE HAVE GHOST PEPPERS"
M A M A M I A
>i make the most powerful pizza yet, covered with cheese, meat steaks, meatballs, tomatoes, carrots, and a massive amount of ghost peppers

>i line them up on the bar
>";CALLING ALL-A CREW TO-A BAR FOR-A-VERY A-SPICY PIZZA! SANTA MARIA!! MAMA MIA!!"

>3 people line up
>one picks up a pizza
>takes a bite
>server crashes
>pizza was so spicy it crashed the server.....

Screemonster · Mon Aug 06, 2018 8:41 pm

I can't help but laugh at the idea of creating a pizza so delicious that the universe just gives up, its purpose fulfilled

Fri Aug 10, 2018 9:29 pm

bman wrote:>botany actually works this round

could have ended the story here and it would have still been unbelievably impressive

LifeReign · Post by **LifeReign** » Mon Aug 13, 2018 5:37 am #432793

PKPenguin321 wrote:
bman wrote:>botany actually works this round
could have ended the story here and it would have still been unbelievably impressive

Hey! I work, it's just that the first 10 minutes are hectic to set up botany, and most rounds fuck up either hydro or the kitchen.

Luke Cox · Post by **Luke Cox** » Mon Aug 13, 2018 9:23 pm #432850

>Be roundstart comms agent
>Mike Murdock starts flashing people
>People scream revs
>Go on comms, make the AI fuck with security
>Crew mad at AI
>Turns out it's wizard
>Fake cap ID and voice changer time
>Tell the AI to blow its borgs
>It refuses
>Fake PDA time
>PDA HoS, tell him to blow the borgs
>He does it
>Roboticists re-borgs some of the MMIs
>Tell HoS to blow them again
>He does it
>Tell him to space the MMIs
>He does it
>Tell him to summarily execute the roboticist for being rogue
>He closes the shutters and shoots him to death
>Be greatest comms agent of all time

wesoda25 · Post by **wesoda25** » Sun Aug 19, 2018 7:28 pm #433780

> Be CMO
> Captain names station “Ryan Cobb Breeding Program”
> ok
> Cap follows through, via genetics we convert as many people as possible to be me
> Make a fly (bman) into the worlds first cat fly
> Centcomm sends an official to stop us, I take their ID
> Rally all Ryans to arrivals, raid centcomm
> Official runs, breaches shuttle, meanwhile mralphonzo is gunning us down with unlimited taser
> We do this 3 times, eventually me, cap, and many other Ryans are dead.
> Cargo makes 9 teslas in a 3x3 area
> Alphonzo changes tesla balls to gondola sprites
> Server dies

bman · Post by **bman** » Sun Aug 19, 2018 10:25 pm #433806

wesoda25 wrote:> Be CMO
> Captain names station “Ryan Cobb Breeding Program”
> ok
> Cap follows through, via genetics we convert as many people as possible to be me
> Make a fly (bman) into the worlds first cat fly
> Centcomm sends an official to stop us, I take their ID
> Rally all Ryans to arrivals, raid centcomm
> Official runs, breaches shuttle, meanwhile mralphonzo is gunning us down with unlimited taser
> We do this 3 times, eventually me, cap, and many other Ryans are dead.
> Cargo makes 9 teslas in a 3x3 area
> Alphonzo changes tesla balls to gondola sprites
> Server dies

El Atrocidad... Nyazzz......

bman · Post by **bman** » Wed Aug 22, 2018 11:29 am #434377

Wed Aug 22, 2018 7:55 pm

bman wrote:snip

nice, got a good laugh from me

cinder1992 · Post by **cinder1992** » Sun Aug 26, 2018 1:01 am #435328

Have you ever been so unrobust that you die to an unconscious target?

> be engineer
> be in cargo for some reason
> decide disposals is the fastest way out of cargo
> oh hey there's blood on th-*CRUNCHGRINDWHIRRRRRRRRR*
> ded
> laugh in deadchat about people being ground into hamburger by the recycler.
> PING YOU'RE BEING CLONED
> oshit not ded.
> be cloned. HoP is there.
> Me: "Hey HoP, can I get a new ID"
> HoP: "Sure fam, follow me"
> HoP leads me into morgue.
> HoP pulls a syringe gun
> IT'S A TRAP!!!
> HoP tries to stab me after morphine-ing me.
> Climb into disposals to escape, fully expecting him to eject me
> HoP defies logic and climbs in with me and we ride disposals together
> ohshityoudunfuckedup.webm
> Lie down, go through disposals to the recycler. pass out
> hear thunk, wet grinding, and then nothing.
> stillalive.jpg
> my unconscious body knocked the HoP into the recycler and threw me clear.
mfw

bman · Post by **bman** » Sat Sep 01, 2018 9:39 pm #436771

[center]NICE MMKAY[/center]

Kangtut · Post by **Kangtut** » Sun Sep 02, 2018 9:20 am #436878

bman wrote:[center]NICE MMKAY[/center]

Melonmancer · Post by **Melonmancer** » Fri Sep 07, 2018 1:01 pm #438045

> be me
> circuit auti- ELITE SYNDICATE OPERATIVE
> buy the box for fun times
> get a desword and recall spell
> hide desword for later
> fuck around and swipe some secret files
> later
> shot by greyshirt, dragged to sec
> 'some nerd found your sword'
> get jailed
> chemist shows up, kills the det (only sec) and frees me
> decide to team up when the greyshirt from earlier shows up
> drugs and saxes around with me for a while
> chemistbro tries to save me
> greyshirt pulls out desword, corners chemist
> waitafuckingminutethatsnotyours.jpeg
> recall sword, poofs from greyshirt's hands
> greyshirt BTFO
> help chemist get his objectives
> he greentexts

syndiebros are always fun

Yuki · Post by **Yuki** » Mon Sep 10, 2018 9:16 pm #438881

I'm starting to play again. Hello.

BeeSting12 · Post by **BeeSting12** » Wed Sep 12, 2018 12:05 pm #439253

>play sybil
>get traitor assistant
>build a emag arcade machine prison
>put target in there
>he claims hes a blood brother and that some lizard miner is his blood brother
>check his PDA
>see a bunch of messages with him, dont really read any of them
>after the cmo dies i start pdaing the lizard
>tell him to meet me near teleporter, the cops are on me
>the lizard keeps asking me for healing for his muteness
>tell him im disguised as edward sloan but ill get it to him
>finally lure him into maint
>he plays and gets gibbed too
>do this for the clown
>some shafte miner pdas the cmo (still had his PDA) asking for a legion core surgery
>tell him sure, meet me by the teleporter
>mfw he actually goes there
>ebow him and emp light
>drag him to my arcade base
>strip him
>slip on clowns pda
>he runs around cuffed for a bit, i finally get him back
>throw him into the arcade room
>realize i forgot to emag it
>go in to emag it
>he gets up and runs around trying to kill me
>almost kills me with his meathook
>finally put him back in, he's soft crit and im in the red
>omnizone both of us so he can play
>BANG, penetrator round to the chest
>look around in complete confusion
>bANG penetrator round to the chest
>critted
>some fucking ligger comes in and rescues the shaft miner
>die and go to deadchat
>it turns out the cmo bamboozled me- his "blood brother" was just some random mute lizard pdaing him
>his real blood brother was the shaft miner that got rescued

Overall a funny round. Turns out I was the lizard's target and he meta'd i was robust so he shot me through a wall.

Kel · Post by **Kel** » Wed Sep 12, 2018 12:53 pm #439261

BeeSting12 wrote:story

thats some classic action movie right there
>villian is acting all smug in front of his victim
>gets shot in the chest
>look down in bewilderment at his gunshot wound
>another shot to kill him

Screemonster · Wed Sep 12, 2018 1:10 pm

Kel wrote:
BeeSting12 wrote:story
thats some classic action movie right there
>villian is acting all smug in front of his victim
>gets shot in the chest
>look down in bewilderment at his gunshot wound
>another shot to kill him

all it needed was to be a wizard round
[youtube]4cZqRzHnI8s[/youtube]

wesoda25 · Post by **wesoda25** » Mon Sep 17, 2018 4:38 am #440069

Forgot to gather screenshots sadly. ANyways
>make nickname 'baller'
>get afro and athletic shorts
>challenge captain to a game of basketball. he accepts
> huge affair in holodeck, the entire first row of seats were filled, including some people in the back (id say ~10-15 people)
> I start decently strong, my nickname holds true
>defensive scuffle, captain gets fucking appendicitis, vomiting all over
>im raking up them hoops, he vomits again
>go for the kill, I slip and steal his PDA, in front of half the station (and 2/3 of sec)
>run like hell, all of sec coming after me, plus some fans
>HOS gets me in cap office, starts taking me to brig
>someone in chicken outfit tases all of sec, and drags me to brig where they uncuff me
>sec catches up, I got caught again and my chicken savior beat into red
>assistants swarm brig, im free at last
>captain gets his appendix removed (plus half his shift stolen, his PDA is long gone)
>we meet back up, this time we fight for real
>thunderdome using adrenaline eswords
>hes better, beats me 2/3 times, but names me captain and commits suicide
>send him off the way he'd want
>kill myself

Rick Richter awarded Ryan 'Baller' Cobb the medal of captaincy! - A successor.

All around it was such a fantastic round, shout to the the cap, Rick Richter, for playing along. You were fucking great man.

Just L · Post by **Just L** » Tue Sep 18, 2018 11:07 pm #440308

>Latejoin as sec officer
>Someone has promoted an assistant, Gunther Viceroy, to Sec Officer
>He's implanted and everything. Suspicious as fuck, but I let it slide
>Standard round for the next 20 minutes or so, arrest some greyshirts, beat them up a bit, go eat some deep-fried donuts, etc.
>Suddenly hear over the comms 'G-G-GUNTHER DOUBLE ESWORD'
>Chase Gunther down the hallway next to the kitchen, he's got a DRAGnet and managed to hit me and another officer with snares, chops off the other officer's leg
>I get my dragnet off as Gunther runs away around the corner, continue the chase
>Equip stun baton, since taser is going to be useless
>Gunther turns his double esword off and throws it at me, confusing me for a second or two. I pick it up and continue chasing him, single harmbaton, and then I chop him up with his own sword
>Get arrested by some idiot sec officer later, HoS wants to perma me for unclear reasons. Decide to fuck with the HoS and break out of my cuffs, then arrest him instead
>Put into perma later since the rest of sec came to beat my ass
>Lizard Lawyer has somehow turned part of perma into secret doorways, he convinces me to leave sec and start shooting people. I run out and start firing disablers all over the place and end up dying, lizard kills a few officers but we both get killed
After the round ended, we all had a good laugh about what Gunther did, and the HoS apologized for putting me in perma once I told him what was up (He thought I told the warden that the HoS wanted to gulag someone)

Separate round a few weeks before this:
>Be Warden
>Process some criminals for most of the round, tell cargo to order a few extra guns, etc
>Quartermaster or Cargo Tech gets all access, breaks into the brig, and tases me. Drags me over to the execution chamber and slaps the electropack on me, has it set to a voice command. He roleplays with me for a bit about doing some dirty cargo deals and I have to let it slide, or else he'll kill me
>Agree to his demands, he uncuffs me
>He forgot to take off my Krav Maga gloves
>Immediate neck chop into leg sweep combo, continue neck chopping while beating him to death with a stun baton
>Make sure he's REALLY dead by shooting him twice. Say some cheesy as fuck 80s action line afterwards
>Walk out into sec lobby dragging his corpse, get the electro pack off
>Round ends later, guy I killed was like 'fucking hell, that was robust'

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Tue Sep 18, 2018 11:34 pm #440321

>krav maga
>robust

confused rock · Sat Sep 22, 2018 4:56 pm

Not the most interesting, but I one thing alone stuck out to me so the rest of the story isn't important
>one of my first rounds in 9 months
>red lizard baps me and I run away towards escape
>think I'm safe but suddenly a horrifying drama lizard wearing nothing but a jabroni outfit starts chasing me
>run out the airlock and hide and nearly die
>limp back in and hold out in maint
>drink some delicious piss water and find a modular reciever
>eventually start talking to the bartend who suggests I make a gun
>make gun
>jabroni lizard starts chasing me again
>run through the same maint tunnels as before
>I am powerless against their lizard drama, they shrug off the shotgun and keep chasing me
>run back to bar and cry as the lizard sends me terrifying pda messages
>toss my pda into the trash but miss
>absolute fucking madman bartender responds to their messages in the best bad way possible

Spoiler:

>creepy fetish lizard runs in screaming with a wormhole gun
>horrifying fight until security intervenes and locks her away

Kind of awkward and creepy but that bartender is s m o o t h. Fortunately I have been primarily safe from lizard drama since.

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Sat Sep 22, 2018 5:30 pm #441017

this is a high-level kek right there

Melonmancer · Tue Sep 25, 2018 10:57 am

>be me
>big janitor
>janitor around a while
>turns out there's a cult aboard
>security gets curb-stomped
>now there is a cult with guns aboard
>janitoring around when I get cornered in science by two absolute mad lads
>hide in the circuit lab, they follow
>slip one with a cleaning grenade, beat the hell out of him
>toss one at other cultist, he stands still
>toss his friend at them, both get knocked over
>beat them to death whilst they're on the ground, cremate the bodies
>avoid death by gun cultists some more, steal a rubbershot gun off one
>blast another cultist, into the cremator they go
>caught up in shootout above the bridge, crit one and then get shot down
>place gets bombed, die along with the cultists
>only a few left, not nearly enough to summon
>RD covers their final stand in plasma
>cult loses

good stuff

confused rock · Fri Sep 28, 2018 10:15 pm

>traitor, but someone tc traded for an extended announcement
>wander into the hop office when its open but has no id and my video driver crashes so I hide behind a plant
>awaken trapped, so I hack the door
>captain is on the other side and tases me, brings me to gulag and won't pause to talk
>the vast majority of my bad experiences with security involve gulag, and security has led to me dying or being trapped in the gulag more often than it's been possible to do my term alive
>squirm a bit
>assistants cry over radio as the captain proceeds to empty their antique laser and then baton me to death
>get brought to robotics, and borged before I can say a word
>I hadn't played borg in almost a year but in my prefs I had my name set to security cyborg something as a joke, so I go standard.
>after catching my first criminal have to duck into maint since a radstorm is coming
>before it ends I get a lawchange
>only one law
>"DESTROY ALL SECURICHADS AND CRAPTAINS"
>"oh shit swee-"
>"I'm a securichad."
>blow myself (no homo)
>some guy dressed as an rd takes my brain to cloning
>Get cloned and eventually destroy security, who had promoted a traitor with adrenals from station engineer to HOS and poorly changed the ai's laws to define all non security as nonhuman... but it didn't have any other laws, so the human status was meaningless to it.

Kel-the-Oblivious · Sun Oct 07, 2018 9:31 pm

>You are the blood brother!
>Kill someone, prevent someone from escaping
>Decide "Things sort themselves out" and go xenobiologist
>Doing slime things, invite blood bro into xenobio to learn the ropes
>Is... Is that a xeno egg? Yes. Yes it is.
>Grab a pAI
>ROGUS, the diplomat
>Have Rogus talk to the xeno larva, and how I want them to have a big family, with lots and lots of daughters
>My blood bro and I get to be aunt and uncle, unrelated but bound by deeds.
>Queen is surprisingly okay with it.
>A roboticist brings us a lizard offering
>I drop monkeys in her pen
>Soon, we have a half dozen xenos running around
>None of them facehug me or blood bro.
>They are going loud, people are attacking the hive!
>Stand side by side with my xeno friends, fighting back a heavily equipped miner, several borgs, and a few stray crew
>Blood Bro and Me are outted several time, but Rogus, the sly dog, convinces people it's all a lie
>Manage to get onto evac shuttle amidst the chaos, seeing several people who attacked the hive, but who paid no notice me us
>Then asshole Hunter 27 spaces me and Blood Bro, despite queens orders. Hope he got xeno banned
>Memetext > Green text

Sun Oct 14, 2018 6:39 pm

>spawn in as an assistant
>decide that my goal will be to make money, as assistants do not get a paycheck
>sell a scooter, use the funds to buy skub from the theater vending machine
>auction off the skub for almost 3x what i bought it for
>shortly after exchanging the skub i notice a botanist who's asking for an assistant and is offering money
>get hired by the botanist to basically shit out a million wooden crates and barrels in the halls with the 1000s of stacks of wood he's growing
>make actually hundreds of crates and barrels
>relationship with boss is great, help him kill some guy who pulled up on him with a laser
>shuttle is eventually called so i ask him if i can retire, he says ok and gives me enough wood to build my own house to retire to
>build a cozy house in escape complete with bed, potted plant, arcade machine, wooden walls/floor/door
>retire to my house with a cool couple hundred of credits
economy is fun

mapoot · Post by **mapoot** » Fri Oct 19, 2018 2:00 am #447455

Just played my first round as captain! I don't know why it took me ~4 years to try it out. Maybe I wanted to keep that patch of snow untrodden, so SS13 wasn't completely 'done'.

I went for the tried and tested gimmick of rage cage in the bar. It was an elegantly simple glass oblong, furnished with a table and a chair for maximum WWE slamming. The rule was bare knuckle--or seating implement--to the death, enforced by the door remote on the toggle bolts setting. Initially, I was worried nobody would give a shit about my antics, but I guess they did, because before long the floor was very grey and very red. As the fights went on, the crowd grew, and the atmosphere with it. Some geezer hopped on the stage piano, and people were chanting "BLOOD!! KILL!!" whenever somebody was knocked to the floor. I hadn't done it in an original way, but I was happy to be the sort of captain that brought the server together to have fun.

After my own fight, I ducked out of the bar and headed to the bridge to heal up, where I was promptly fireballed to death by a wizard (4noraisin). I was pretty salty, to the point of saying "nice frag" after he sharded me. He lobbed me in a juggernaut, told me to do everybody in, and jaunted away. After I'd murdered the mime, and been murdered by the detective (a longer period of time than you might imagine), I had the chance to ghost around my station. Half of the crew were now metal slaves to the wizard; the other half was being killed by them. High-traffic public areas were open to space, almost every departmental machine was in pieces, and the chef possessed the entire armoury. Every time somebody new arrived, they were immediately set upon by a tornado of left-clicking artificers (>OOC: Some guy: This is the last time I ever join mid-round.) We stayed in green alert almost all the way to shuttle arrival. Weirdly, it felt great that things had gone so wrong under my captainship.

I think it's a suitable note to leave SS13 on. I've been playing on /tg/station since I was a fresh-faced 16 year old, and reading about it on 4chan since I was 15. It captured my imagination so much! But now I've clocked MANY hours and am very burnt out

I think a lot of the magic of this game comes from having no clue what is going on, from the possibility of what if, who knows?
I'm not a well-known member of the community and I know nobody cares, but it feels wrong to call it a day without sharing a bit of space banter and saying bye.

This game and this server specifically will always be a part of my late teens notalgia, so cheers a lot to all the staff and to anybody I ever ran into who was cool. See you space assholes