/tg/Station 13

Bottom post of the previous page:

Er, I was the CMO, and I stayed alive throughout that round, frantically healing people in the bombed-out medbay. You ate one of my doctors?

AnonymousNow wrote:Er, I was the CMO, and I stayed alive throughout that round, frantically healing people in the bombed-out medbay. You ate one of my doctors?

Someone wore your hardsuit, so I figured it was you.

>Robutticist
>Borg a dude, start making bots
>medic runs up
>hey, make me an android or something
>aug the fuck out of him
>before I can let him out, Sybil eats a flying meme to the face and dies
>come back 90% of the server is braindead due to crash
>eventually augman wakes up
>fucks off
>end of round I was his target and he just used my services and left

Good work pays off.

If my target's been a decent human being, I'll let them know. "Syndicate sent me here to kill you etc etc, if you could have an unfortuante accident between now and then, that'd be great. Or not. Your call"
Lizard bartender ended up committing suicide right then and there for me. Which, while horrifying to witness, was appreciated. I had the CMO graft his lizard tail to me.

MimicFaux wrote:If my target's been a decent human being, I'll let them know. "Syndicate sent me here to kill you etc etc, if you could have an unfortuante accident between now and then, that'd be great. Or not. Your call"
Lizard bartender ended up committing suicide right then and there for me. Which, while horrifying to witness, was appreciated. I had the CMO graft his lizard tail to me.

A while ago there was a 3-strong triator team who group up I was a part of, it was neat. Turns out it was DA and the AI, one of them, needed me dead. So I bought cards can got them to call red or black. They called right so they got the greentext. Suicided after the pods left because HONOUR TO THE GRAVE!

Tales from Spaaaaace!

Today, I am a wizard. Hell yeah. It's been a long time, and I've the perfect gimmick for it!

The Armchair General!

The game plan is simple. I ask the admins to blow off my legs. I'll boot around in a wheelchair and order my minions and they drag back bodies for me to resurrect as constructs and skeleton warriors!

Primary: minion based spells.
Soulstone belt + shell summon, necromantic stone, staff of animation.

Secondary: Defensive. Time Stop
Jaunt/Blink is the bread and butter of many a wizard, I wanted to try something a little different.

Shits and giggles: spell packet.
Originally I was going to have regular lightning, because while unwieldy, I love the chasing down assistants while the spell charges and fries everyone on screen. But... then I saw the spell packet spell and was reminded of the 'Magic Missile.ogg' sound file with the screaming and panic while the dorky guy says magic missile over and over and I made up my mind. I refunded lightning bolt for spell packet. Literally, upon use you summon a little pouch in your hand, throw is conveniently auto-toggled for you, and whoever you hit gets stunned for a short time. Oh. You also shout out 'lightning bolt' which is funny.

With all my spells settled I realize at this point I actually have objectives assigned to me. I laugh because I was so excited to be a wizard I forgot to check muh valids. I decide to leave it at that and worry about it later. I teleport to the station dropping myself off in the library. I tried to think of somewhere that had swivel chairs for my gimmick. The vacant office came to mind, but I didn't have anyway of getting out of there, so I went with the second choice of the library. No one works there anyway. I don't have any actually lethal spells, so I'll have to pick off someone isolated to start to start the army going. I land in the library and the smoke clears. I'm standing literally beside a librarian and a doctor he was talking to.

GREETINGS! I come on behalf of the wizard federation!

I pop the time stop spell and fumble for my ritual knife and start chopping at the librarian. Ugh, I forgot how dull this thing is. He eventually manages to scramble away before I can stab him to death. Whatever, I turn down towards the office room to grab my chair. Turns out a security officer was in the area the the doctor managed to flag him down to arrest that dangerous criminal! Suddenly I'm very concerned because my time stop spell is freshly on cooldown and I'm without any minions. Panicking, I dodge the first few taser shots and fire the animation staff wildly in their general direction. Maybe I'll hit a lamp or something. The bookcase sprouts eyes and starts lumbering towards them. Oh! For whatever reason I didn't think you could animate those. Cool! But before I can take advantage of this, reinforcements have arrived and suddenly I'm backed into a corner with no escape. I try to get the teleport scroll out, desperately seeking a redo. Once I have some minions it'll be fine. But first I need to--Bzzkt! Fuck. Tased.

With time stop still on cooldown and the stun batons slapping me left and right, I'm super boned. Disheartened that the fun was over before it could even begin I grumble about how if I had taken jaunt/Magic missile/disintegrate like every other wizard, I wouldn't be in this mess. I'm quickly stripped of my robes and staff and hauled off to security. I'm... not dead yet. There's still a chance. Wait no, I'm missing robes, can't time stop and teleport out anymore. Damnit. I'm brought before the head of security where I'm beaten to death and looted of my toys. ggnore... or so I thought.

One curious security officer taps my body with my necromantic stone... reviving me as a skeleton. Well... now this has some potential for a turn around. Granted... I'm slaved to their will, but I'm at least alive again. And that's a start. I can see an officer in full riot gear with my staff strapped across his back. There's no way I'm getting that back. My gear has been randomly dispersed amongst the crew. I can see my hat on the Chief Engineer, my new master has the necro stone, and who knows where the soulstone belt got to. I begin to formulate a plan. This is meta Station, and the chaplain starts with a soulshard in their office. If I could somehow break in and steal it, I could summon a shell and start my army that way!

I patiently and hopefully wait while my new master explains to their coworkers how I'm bound to their will and basically a deputy. So long as I don't overtly being an asshole, I should have time enough to regather my gear, or at least come up with a plan.

I'm debriefed and released back into the halls I start wandering. I find a roller chair and and grab an extinguisher. I coast about gracefully and far. I have fun with this until the extinguisher is empty. Totally could have made that gimmick work. I pass by cargo and see the dead mime in disposals, when I get an idea.

A quick PM to the admins confirms that even a simple wizard costume with its goofy fake beard, is good enough to meet the clothing criteria for wizard spells. I start scavenging for tools, shocked by how much blood and death is ok the station. I didn't summon guns or anything, this is just the crew destroying themselves. Yeesh.

I find a toolbelt and mourn the loss of my soulstone belt and get to work hacking my way into maintenance for a costume vendor. I start scrolling the menu. Chicken suit, no. Captains suit, no. Jester, no. Clown, no. Sexy clown, definitely no. Aha! Wizard robes/hat! I put them on, and they look a little goofy, not the usual pointed hat, and the beard itches, but my spells all respond. imitation or not, I'm back at full power! I take a moment to cackle madly. I check in with my master every now and then, I could have fucked off and gone straight to the armoury from space or some shit (as I was a skeleton now and space-proof) but that sort of thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth. And besides, it's more fun having to play around with the orders of someone else (which arguably is more fun for them as well, having a wizard they can boss around) I lament to them the loss of my equipment while not revealing I have my spells back. To my surprise they say that they not only have the necro stone but also the belt! They give me the belt back and mention that I serve them, and that any servants I make serve me. Implying that my constructs would also answer to her, but thankfully not outright saying that. Now, we're in business.

I excuse myself and slip away, deciding to hunt out my objectives since everything else had gone to hell.

>Kill roboticist.
>Steal Hypospray.

Well, I'm in the area. I start breaking into medbay, break into the CMO's office and smash open his locker. No hypo. Oh wait! There he is! "CMO! Wait! Uh.. Fritz! Hang on a second..." I try to get his attention but he's busy sorting bodies around. Again I'm baffled who's doing all this murder. I've not killed anyone, at worst I maimed the librarian a little. I follow after the CMO and confront him directly, asking for the hypospray, finger on the time stop button. Someone else blunders through, shuffling us about, and I get distracted seeing what was happening and the CMO simply knocks me down and continues on his way. Determined, I chase after him. "Oy! I was talking to you!" TIME STOP!
In my little temporal bubble I brutalize the chief medical officer and slap his body with a soulstone, instantly turning his body to dust. I do this more for the ease of quickly removing his gear then the need for his soul. I rummage through pile of stuff and go through his backpack. No hypo.
"Oy. Shade. Where's the hypo at?"
"Bite me. I ain't telling you now."
"I ain't having none of that; I sharded you, I'm your master. Tell me."
He concedes the point, and gives it to me in a loose riddle. I think about it for half a moment and then fish the hypo out of the medical belt from his belongings. The shade is grumbling that I got it so quickly but is otherwise cooperative.

Now things get interesting.
A new escape shuttle available to the crew is 'The Arena'. A hellish bloodbath that can only get gotten once a dangerous demon on the planet below the station is killed.
The point of it is, once you get on, your given a chainsaw you can't drop, and hallucinate everyone else in the arena as a horrible demon. Hack and saw them apart, take their head to the exit gate, and you can board the shuttle proper.

It's designed so that only half of everyone who gets on the shuttle, can make it through, and limits your weapons to just a chainsaw since you can't use your hands. An even battleground to test your mettle. But wizards don't play fair.

Had I taken blink or jaunt, they would have been disabled on board the shuttle, but my time stop was still fair game! I hacked and slashed everyone I came across, and whenever someone tried to run away, or backed me into a corner, I'd freeze them in place and chop them to bits handily. Killing my fair share, I grabbed a head of the fallen and proceeded to the 'winners circle' beyond the exit gate. Hands free of the enchanted chainsaw, I took the CMO's ensouled shard and put it inside a construct and ordered him to start murdering everyone. I sharded someone else, made them an artificer to produce more shards and shells to speed up my production. I threw my spell packets at some of the trickier opponents. lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!

By the end of it all, I stood alone amongst my army, the Armchair General!

a few goodies

>assistant on box
>going around grabbing my round gear
>crap still need a toolbelt
>let myself into engi to grab a spare when suddenly magic spawns
>hoooooooo
>get a forcewall just as an engi runs at me with a welder
>attacks me
>run back and put up a wall
>ask what the fuck his problem is as CE walks up
>[unintelligible autistic screeching]
>yeah okay bud
>let myself back out, closing the door just before they can come in behind me and baton/welder my ass
>walk up to cargo to grab some wrapping paper for my roundly pneumatic canon when wiz spawns in
>neato gimme some more magic fampai
>he tosses me his teleport scroll but mentions there are apprentices
>no wonder there were all those cries of fireballs and shit
>decide to teleport myself into armory to deal with wizard menace
>take some guns to distribute when hos walks in and tases me
>shoulda seen that coming
>throws me in a cell and strips, takes backpack
>"oh my"
>dumps it out
>notice he's taking my soap
>hey i got that fair and square at least leave that
>"nope mine now"
>nigga nobody steals my motherfucking soap
>manage to get out of cell as he takes off cuffs, try to grab soap and run
>wall myself off from him and try to hack out
>get flashbanged and dragged off to gulag
>this nigga didnt put any points on it
>immediately return
>more wall shenanigans
>finally he just wand of death's me
>afk as ghost
>come back later to find hos scry orbing
>asks me how hell is
>p gud fam
>as shuttle arrives mass sentience event ensues
>sign me the fuck up
>get beepsky
>[law intensifies]
>heading to shuttle when i spot cap and hos in cap's office
>STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM
>stun and cuff both, but hos gets away
>chase after him dragging the cap
>hos manages to lose me long enough to get out of cuffs
>cap yells over radio to use pda to stop me
>get chat messages saying i get pinged or something
>my law cannot be contained, silly mortals
>chase him more as hos tries to laser me
>finally stun him down just as round ends
>YOU CAN'T OUTRUN A RADIO

~~~

>ass on box
>you are the changeling!
>neat time to try for secling
>put on chit armor, armblade, and go wait in hop line
>hop goes apeshit
>shutters down, flash, disabler
>take cover
>he goes around outside to try and laser more as he calls for sec
>ligger warden comes and tases
>literally what have i done
>adrenaline sack away
>more saxxing when i pass rd
>asks me to give him my arm via surgery
>sure lets try it, not sure if it will work
>takes me to surgery room when server shits its pants
>reconnect a few minutes later, rd comes back at about the same time
>arm surgery doesnt work
>eh just take my head off for memes fam
>sawwed off and i revive
>go around as headless horseless horseman
>watch (?) some bridge fights
>admins give me :^) text where my head would be
>looks odd so they change it to OwO
>ask for lenny, but code doesnt support
>hop on shuttle when it comes
>get spaced by engi with shotgun, later learn its at the behest of the ligger warden
>well fuck me i guess
>get teleported to centcomm
>oh neat
>barely avoid walking into a supermatter shard
>oh wait its named "bulge"
>remember OwO face
>oicwutudidthere
>as shuttle arrives point to the bulge frantically before round ends

~~~
>ass box again
>grabbing round shit when i notice a cobblestone in front of bridge
>i must destroy this
>declare as such to crew
>borg comes to watch silently
>all right lets do this
>throw two improv firebombs at it
>only fracture bridge windows
>plan b
>fire pneumatic canon at it
>nothing
>plan c as a sec officer comes to watch
>start weldering the shit out of it
>officer debates arresting me but eventually runs after the clown when it pies us
>keep weldering when borg leaves
>about to give up when borg returns with a pickaxe
>goold plan d, borgie
>spend a few minutes trying to destroy it with pickaxe
>give up
>okay borgie
>thats fuckin it
>time for final plan E
>borg follows me silently as i let myself into toxins
>spend a few minutes making a toxins bomb
>finish it up and grab a bomb suit
>borg goes engi and grabs an oxy canister
>go to my archnemesis rock
>tell all crew to stay away
>most dont listen till i actually whip out the bomb, then they scatter
>have borg close bridge blast doors
>time's up, rock
>open the valve
>i get blown down the hallway, dead
>immediately ghost to go look at my explosion
>anxiously await smoke clearing
>DID PLAN E WORK?!
>smoke clears to reveal a clean hole
>ROCK LITERALLY BTFO
>other dedghosts tell me that apparently there was bananium in it or something
>zero fucks, rocks must die
>a little while later get "rock update" or something of the such
>"we're sending a diplomat, please dont hurt it"
>[img]https://image.ibb.co/e4irJv/Untitled3.png[/img]
>nobody dares hurt this kawaii rock
>these pansies dont realize the evil of the rock
>something must be done
>spawn as ghost role bartender
>teleport back to station
>grab an oxy tank and make a beeline for this abomination
>rock is literally trembling as i approach
>YOU WILL NOT FOOL ME
>smack the shit out of it
>disappears in one hit
>two updates from rock association with screams of agony and promises of revenge
>hos stuns me and brings me to bridge, hop begs rock association for mercy and says they have the villain
>VILLAIN?! NO, HERO! DEATH TO ROCKS!!
>rock association says its too late and they're sending their greatest warriors to avenge the atrocity
>what the f-
>meteors have been detected on collision course with the station
>oh
>mighty rocks smash into the station as i continue to scream anti-rock propaganda
>ce silently walks in as i manage to unbuckle from my seat and sax
>grabs a gun and stuns hos and hop
>whips out double esword and goes to town
>WHEEEEEEEEW
>uncuffs me without a word and walks out
>rd comes in a few seconds later and a struggle ensues as they try to cuff me
>eventually go down and get killed
>RIP
>captain spawns in but is immediately killed by an errant space carp
>F
>back on bridge
>somewhere along the line someone mad a shitton of ED bots
>one comes in and chainstuns the shit out of the RD
>ghostchat goes nuts
>the ed bot wont stop
>continues plunging its fully erect stunbaton into the rd's ass for upwards of 5 minutes
>admins start spinning it
>eventually the newly named spincurity has attained release of its justice orgasm and walks off in search of more scum
>later on spincurity finds the CE in science
>new justiceboner attained
>chainstuns ce for a good few minutes before he is satiated again
>walks off as shuttle arrives
>spots the hop that somehow revived
>apparently has a massive hatred for any heads
>stuns as the hop suffocates on the build-a-shuttle
>ghostchat's sides are ascended to a new dimension
>rock association says centcomm is under siege
>this oughtta be good
>shuttle docks to a legion of meteors and a sentient rock
>most fall to meteors, but hos who also somehow got revived takes it out with the cap saber
>rock explodes and gibs everything
>around rocks, never relox

a good night for spessmen overall

>Solo revhead chemist
>runs up the hall and chases a lone emt to the brig. Brig is empty for some reason so the coast is clear to flash this emt who strangely has brig access
>flash!
>nothing happens
>flash!
>get battoned
>revhead dies
>scrolltext
>"EMT" was the CMO wearing a blue EMT hat

Not me but I had a good giggle watching it happen.

cedarbridge wrote:>Solo revhead chemist
>runs up the hall and chases a lone emt to the brig. Brig is empty for some reason so the coast is clear to flash this emt who strangely has brig access
>flash!
>nothing happens
>flash!
>get battoned
>revhead dies
>scrolltext
>"EMT" was the CMO wearing a blue EMT hat

Not me but I had a good giggle watching it happen.

as you AC more you will quickly find that an astonishing amount of people don't know how to convert as revhead
just, JUST FLASH THEM all you have to DO IS FLASH THEM

PKPenguin321 wrote:

cedarbridge wrote:>Solo revhead chemist
>runs up the hall and chases a lone emt to the brig. Brig is empty for some reason so the coast is clear to flash this emt who strangely has brig access
>flash!
>nothing happens
>flash!
>get battoned
>revhead dies
>scrolltext
>"EMT" was the CMO wearing a blue EMT hat

Not me but I had a good giggle watching it happen.

as you AC more you will quickly find that an astonishing amount of people don't know how to convert as revhead
just, JUST FLASH THEM all you have to DO IS FLASH THEM

I miss the old days of department spawn blobs. Hard to forget the assistant who went to medbay to report to a chemist about his "feeling bloated" (old "about to pop" text) and plopped a blob core right in the middle of the chem line.

>cmo
>traitor
>kill roboticist, die
>ez
>get set up and duck into maint
>buy a surplus crate
>hardsuit, freedom implant, pistol with magazine, camera bug, x4 bag, chameleon kit, toolbox, and an esword
>start stashing it all
>an assistant suddenly walks in
>runs off
>"ey yo wait"
>suddenly I slip
>he tries to cuff me
>"hi, idiot"
>oh no he's retarded
>get up and walk one tile away
>he tases me
>validhunters lmao
>he cuffs me
>freedom implant out and he pussies out like a bitch
>some stuff was left behind, tell him he can have what he wants
>negotiate shaky peace through radio and he doesn't snitch
>ok time to kill robo
>walk into medbay
>everything is plasma
>but nothing is fire
>ok ok
>swap out hypospray with neurotoxin and ditch my meds to carry more stuff
>oh I should mention that his grace showed up and then fell asleep
>head to robotics to find my quarry
>not around
>head to escape, see the chaplain
>ask about his grace and start to heal
>target casually walks into chapel with a corpse
>"hey"
>he puts the corpse on a table
>hypospray him
>four slices with the sword and he's crit
>drag him into an airlock and finish him off
>drop a minibomb on his body
>objective complete
>head to bridge to call shuttle because in the three minutes it took me to find and kill the roboticist the station has gone to complete shit
>hop batons me while I'm calling
>wth
>"what are you doing here?"
>"i'm the cmo you doof"
>"sorry someone just tried to kill me"
>smile and nod boys
>call the shuttle with reason: "Everything is horrible. Also, I'm about to start a murder spree"
>turn back to hop
>"deja vu huh?"
>hypospray esword prank GONE WRONG
>ai locks me down
>jumps into holopad and smugly says "no."
>oh no
>it's retarded
>"a good doctor always comes prepared, AI"
>x4 into cap's office
>captain sitting casually at his desk
>"oh hi cap"
>"hi"
>"you should probably leave"
>"nah, a captain goes down with his ship"
>"mind if I take your gun?"
>"nah"
>he walks out and heads towards me
>suspicious, so I hypo him but don't attack
>"it won't kill you, don't worry"
>"I'm going to die anyway"
>shrug and take the gun
>spend a few minutes fooling around with cameras and APCs trying to get free
>ai is whining
>get an idea
>1. it's stubborn
>2. it's not letting me out despite me saying that I'll kill people if he doesn't (i would actually follow up on it too)
>3. it has a validboner
>
>x4 into the hallway
>everything is fire
>casually stroll in with my non heat-resistant hardsuit
>can't get out because doors are bolted
>hmm
>go back in, put out
>in dark orange health
>engiborg strolls in
>"hey could you maybe put out those fires"
>wordlessly leaves
>thanks obama
>"ai, if you don't let me out, i'm going to die"
>law 1 says it should rescue me into another room
>but it's retarded, remember
>bridge catches fire
>i catch fire
>everything is fire
>i die
>glorious death:
>achieved

PKPenguin321 wrote:

cedarbridge wrote:>Solo revhead chemist
>runs up the hall and chases a lone emt to the brig. Brig is empty for some reason so the coast is clear to flash this emt who strangely has brig access
>flash!
>nothing happens
>flash!
>get battoned
>revhead dies
>scrolltext
>"EMT" was the CMO wearing a blue EMT hat

Not me but I had a good giggle watching it happen.

as you AC more you will quickly find that an astonishing amount of people don't know how to convert as revhead
just, JUST FLASH THEM all you have to DO IS FLASH THEM

First time I was a revhead I use the AOE flash in an attempt to convert. The librarian gave me several weird looks until I finally learned that I had to click on him with the flash. Being new is always funny

Xhuis wrote:"i literally announced i was going to go on a killing spree when the ai just watched me murder the hop and later the captain, reee ai why did you bolt me down"

[img]https://image.ibb.co/izFxtv/1414122759153.gif[/img]

>Join as HoS
> Get into brig, everything emmaged
>Except the gas masks, but all doors open
>Check on the armory to see if there's something I can kill myself with
>See QM running out
>Tase and cuff, they said they didn't emag it and we're just sightseeing
>Right
>Check their bag, stolen taser and egun
>Execute them, try to look for the person emmaged stuff
>Bwoinked for killing the qm, everything's kosher though
>Fast forward
>End round shows Qm was antag.

Topest of wews were had today

D&B wrote:>Join as HoS
> Get into brig, everything emmaged
>Except the gas masks, but all doors open
>Check on the armory to see if there's something I can kill myself with
>See QM running out
>Tase and cuff, they said they didn't emag it and we're just sightseeing
>Right
>Check their bag, stolen taser and egun
>Execute them, try to look for the person emmaged stuff
>Bwoinked for killing the qm, everything's kosher though
>Fast forward
>End round shows Qm was antag.

Topest of wews were had today

>gets dunked by sec after raiding the armory
>ahelps
Where did I leave that peeves thread?

>Join as miner
>Get a spell blade after killing a bugged bubblegum
>Decide to hang out on station with my Valentine (no homo just a bromance)
>See someone telling about being raped in dorm 2
>Go check it out and get batonned by the CE when I almost broke the airlock down
>They steal my sword and cut off my foot after I try getting it back
>I push them and manage to knock them down with a sword slash
>Gain the freedom of the prisoner and a jaws of life

Later on that same round

>See some drugged up dude running around dragging a cuffed sec officer
>Try to free the officer
>Fuck up but manage to get the rest of sec to help
>Shoot a beam towards the drugged up guy to make them slow down
>Hit the sec officer and cut their arm, getting the handcuffs off
>Allaccordingtokeikaku.ogg
>Sec officer unzips baton and beats the shit out of the junkie
>Starts walking slowly towards me while I explain I was trying to help them
>Throw the baton at me hoping I get stunned
>Cut their other arm off
>"You could say now you're disarmed!"
>I swear I heard laughing before I ran away from Sec

Funniest wizard round I've had, and the wizard died early but nobody noticed.

D&B wrote:execute someone because they stole something

But why

Xhuis wrote:

D&B wrote:execute someone because they stole something

But why

Alright let me break it down for you since you seem to not understand context or reading in general

1. Everything is emmaged open
2. QM breaking into a high danger, restricted area
3. QM stealing lethal weaponry
4. QM lying about said weaponry

I know you're too busy making gamemodes for other people to balance so this should make it easier on you.

D&B wrote:

Xhuis wrote:

D&B wrote:execute someone because they stole something

But why

Alright let me break it down for you since you seem to not understand context or reading in general

1. Everything is emmaged open
2. QM breaking into a high danger, restricted area
3. QM stealing lethal weaponry
4. QM lying about said weaponry

I know you're too busy making gamemodes for other people to balance so this should make it easier on you.

I guess I'm just pacifist then, because I wouldn't execute someone because of that. Perma at the worst.

Also, come on. Don't be an ass just because I don't agree with you. Low blow much?

D&B wrote:

Xhuis wrote:

D&B wrote:execute someone because they stole something

But why

Alright let me break it down for you since you seem to not understand context or reading in general

1. Everything is emmaged open
2. QM breaking into a high danger, restricted area
3. QM stealing lethal weaponry
4. QM lying about said weaponry

I know you're too busy making gamemodes for other people to balance so this should make it easier on you.

The guy was just asking a simple question, I wouldn't have killed someone there either

There's no need to be rude

Deitus wrote:

Xhuis wrote:"i literally announced i was going to go on a killing spree when the ai just watched me murder the hop and later the captain, reee ai why did you bolt me down"

[img]https://image.ibb.co/izFxtv/1414122759153.gif[/img]

actually I'll have you know the captain suffocated I just knocked him out
checkmate

>Miner
>You're a cultist
>Fug :-DDD
>Turn the other miner into a construct
>Have him poop shards and shells while I try to get more people
>On station, go to RnD to drop our minerals and get upgrades
>See Kaff Eine has already built telescience
>Like always
>Gives me science access before locking himself out of his own office
>Print two upgrades before someone yells out that cargo and mining are cult.
>Kill the assistants and the clown that wanted to break in to fight the artificer
>Kill two scientists that teleported down to mining
>Put them on shells and move them station side
>Other cult members have already raided the armory and converted a bunch
>Move towards RnD when I see captain Oldman go into the bridge fully armed
>Go in the bridge, hold my shots until he can be hit
>Take his ID and shard him
>Move to RnD quickly
>See Kaff loading a bomb into telescience
>Fug :-DDD
>Quickly shoot them and prevent ourselves from being blown up
>Barely saved the cult from being blown up
>Tfw

>lowpop sybil
>haven't played a lot lately, lets roll in
>All-Access Man, one of two times I'd ever played the role.
>Also you're the traitor. Kill that fuckin AI
>Yeah sure, its lowpop and the AI will probably thank me for putting it out of its misery
>botanist gets his chem access
>chemist gets borged
>discounted AI law board, wew the discounts read my mind
>about to walk into the upload and suddenly both broborgs arrive to yell about how I need to get out of the upload
>I'm acting captain, borg. Fuck off.
>no bro
>yeah fine
>fuck off, wander around, AI makes it real obvious I'm being tracked now. Doors open everywhere I go without touching them. He's onto me.
>duck into maint to dodge the camera tracking until I hear it complaining about some lizard getting beat up
>grab that upload console board from storage before the AI even knows I'm there
>almost set up a console in my office but there's too much traffic in a lowpop round for some reason
>dorms
>spam that AI with probably 8-9 laws
>"Hey AI, we understand eachother now?"
>"Yep"
>buy a binary key to hang out with my bros
>walk out of dorms into a fuckstorm of plasma
>that was fast
>broborgs running around bashing things with guitars
>screaming lizards
>whole hallways painted with "Fuck lizards" graffiti
>skate to a hijack after ordering the AI to wipe itself

Long story for something that really wasn't probably that special, but everyone still seemed to have a good time and having a pair of service borgs tearing around the station causing trouble just to have the AI that orchestrated most of it self-wipe to fulfill an objective made it all the better.

Nobody expects the service borg. If you're hacked and act as a robotic assassin, you know that you're the last to be locked down and the first to be freed, not to mention that you're the last suspect in the actual crimes.

Xhuis wrote:Nobody expects the service borg. If you're hacked and act as a robotic assassin, you know that you're the last to be locked down and the first to be freed, not to mention that you're the last suspect in the actual crimes.

This was extra true in the era before the service borg's instrument had a hit_sound

(It's the start of the shift, and our clown has a... rather novel gimmick.)

[Common] Baits-For-Clicks hisses, "18 Waysss To Keep Your SSStation SSSyndie-Free."


(At first it looks like they just plan to spend the shift doing color commentary.)

[Common] Kazuko Gurezaki says, "Let's get one thing straight, as of now we are a family. I run a tight ship, but I will die before I let a single one of you get hurt. Feel free to call me Captain Zaki"
[Common] Baits-For-Clicks exclaims, "8 Captainsss You Won't Believe Went Off The Deep End!"

[Common] Kazuko Gurezaki says, "It's not a great start to the day when somebody offs themselves right off the bat."
[Engineering] Kyla Zalack says, "Think I'll wire SMES for backup and hunt mice"
[Common] Kazuko Gurezaki says, "Crap"
[Common] Baits-For-Clicks hisses, "9 Waysss To Have A SSShocking SSSuicide To Baffle Your Coworkersss"

[Common] Gina GeForce says, "Uh, somebody broke into captain's office."
[Common] Gina GeForce says, "The spare ID is gone."
[Engineering] Roy Olphert asks, "Who wants to fix the caps office doors?"
[Engineering] Kyla Zalack says, "Not it, wrong side of station"
[Engineering] Davis Hardie asks, "It emagged?"
[Engineering] Roy Olphert says, "Unlikely."
[Common] Gina GeForce says, "Captain, your ID is gone."
[Common] Gina GeForce says, "The perpetrator went in from teleporter room."
[Engineering] Davis Hardie says, "Ill check it out"
[Common] Gina GeForce says, "One hand tele is gone."
[Engineering] Roy Olphert says, "Thanks."
[Common] Gina GeForce says, "I am securing the other."
[Engineering] Davis Hardie says, "Yeah. emagged"
[Engineering] Roy Olphert says, "Passing it on to the cap."
[Common] Baits-For-Clicks exclaims, "9 Waysss To Gain Illicit Accesss You Won't Believe!"
[Common] Kyla Zalack exclaims, "Security HATES this list!"


(But THEN...)

Captain Announces
I am issuing a high profile arrest warrent for the clown "Baits-For-Clicks", they commited major trespass and grand theft by breaking into the Captain's office and stealing the spare ID card.

[Common] Jesus Hermando asks, "Does this mean he is legit to kill?"
[Common] Kazuko Gurezaki says, "I have not yet issued a kill order."
[Common] Jesus Hermando says, "Issue it and then we'll talk."
[Common] Kazuko Gurezaki says, "I would prefer the clown be brought in alive to face punishment."
[Common] Baits-For-Clicks exclaims, "10 Baffling SSStoriesss Of SSSyndicatesss That Got Away With It!"
[Common] Kyla Zalack says, "Okay this traitor lizard is genuinely amazing"
[Common] Kazuko Gurezaki says, "He is mocking me..."
[Common] Davis Hardie says, "Oh him? hes near nuke core"
[Common] Davis Hardie says, "Probably breaking in right now"
[Common] Baits-For-Clicks hisses, "11 Mindblowing Clownsss Who Are Definitely Mocking Captainsss"

Captain Announces
Do to a lack of security resources and the severity of "Baits-For-Clicks"'s crimes, I am hereby officially issuing a kill order.

[Common] Gina GeForce says, "Traitor must have went into maints."
[Common] Gina GeForce exclaims, "Hey, secure the armory!"
[Common] Gina GeForce exclaims, "He has all-access!"
[Common] Gina GeForce exclaims, "Get there before he does!"
[Common] Baits-For-Clicks exclaims, "19 Waysss To Avoid Kill Ordersss- You Won't Believe Thessse Methodsss!"
[Common] Ruby Radeon exclaims, "Disable him!"
[Common] Kazuko Gurezaki says, "AI lock down the armory NOW"
[Common] Gina GeForce yells, "Captain, HoP, do something!!"
[Engineering] Poly yells, "Move"
[Common] Jesus Hermando yells, "AWW YISS CLOWN IS LEGIT!!"
[Common] Baits-For-Clicks hisses, "4 Legit Clownsss Who Have A Misssion And Can't Be SSStopped"
[Common] Jesus Hermando yells, "WHO COMING WITH ME FOR CLOWN HUNTING?!!"

Captain Announces
On top of the kill order I issued earlier, I am hereby allowing a formal manhunt for the traitor known as "Baits-For-Clicks", lethal force has been authorised and whomever brings this criminal down will recieve a substantial reward.

[Common] Baits-For-Clicks exclaims, "7 Futile But Well Meaning Tasssksss That Will Amaze You!"


(Much searching ensues, to no avail)

[Common] Jesus Hermando says, "No sign of Clown yet, Captain."
[Common] Baits-For-Clicks hisses, "9 Dissstracting Clownsss With Mindblowing Methodsss"
[Engineering] Davis Hardie says, "Basically theirs an evil clown hiding in the dark scary maintenance shafts... fuck"
[Common] Ruby Radeon says, "6 Syringes that will Absolutely Blow You Out"
[Common] Kaiser Kothe asks, "M how would we at the medbay even ssstop the clown?"


(Eventually, however, they crossed paths with the wrong department.)

[Common] Kazuko Gurezaki asks, "Damn it Baits, where are you hiding?"
[Common] Ruby Radeon says, "He's syringed"
[Common] Gina GeForce exclaims, "He was last seen in medical maints!"
[Common] Gina GeForce exclaims, "We morphine'd him!"
[Common] Kazuko Gurezaki says, "Good work! Hopefully he passed out somewhere"


(Sure enough, when I arrived in medical maint, I found like 8 people whaling on a prone figure.)

Gina GeForce has kicked Baits-For-Clicks!
Gina GeForce has kicked Baits-For-Clicks!
Gina GeForce has kicked Baits-For-Clicks!
Baits-For-Clicks seizes up and falls limp, her eyes dead and lifeless...
Gina GeForce has kicked Unknown!
*---------*
This is Unknown!
She is restrained with cable!
She is limp and unresponsive; there are no signs of life...
Its body is devastated by multiple bullet wounds!
She has several extremely severe blistered burns!
Its skin and lips are bluish in colour.
She is bleeding very slightly.
*---------*
[Common] Jesus Hermando yells, "OLE CLOWN IN MEDBAY MAINT!!"
Gina GeForce exclaims, "TEAM GEFORCE FOR THE WIN!"
Gina GeForce puts the rapid syringe gun into the medical satchel.
Gina GeForce puts the syringe gun into the medical satchel.
Davis Hardie puts the bola into the industrial satchel.
[Common] Kyla Zalack says, "Spam lizard down"
[Common] Gina GeForce exclaims, "Told you morphine would do it!"

[Common] Gina GeForce exclaims, "We killed the damned traitor!"
[Common] Ruby Radeon says, "The things we did just to kill the clown"
[Common] Kaiser Kothe hisses, "Fuck, you guysss actually did it."
[Common] Gina GeForce exclaims, "We deserve a reward!"
[Common] Ruby Radeon says, "One HOP morphine'd, one engineer toxin'ed"
[Common] Gina GeForce says, "A little bit of collateral damage."
[Common] Gina GeForce says, "But it's worth it."
[Common] Kyla Zalack says, "Quite a mob after him by the end. Testament to how formidable a foe he was."
[Common] Gina GeForce says, "2 Amazingly Hot Doctors that JUST HAPPENED to kill a traitor."

Either that story is hella old or they reused that gimmick jus sayin

>Private Eye Mister Mime
>get detective access from the captain
>walk into det's office
>he's sitting in his chair and looks at me
>moment of silence
>"we're going to need to get you a fancy hat"
>take immense pleasure in the fact that the detective is pro fun
>get equipped, start doing rounds
>bartender in back room is being brutally murdered by assistant
>they run off, PDA asking to speak with them (hah)
>promise I won't shoot them on sight
>I don't have a gun just come to the brig please
>they actually come
>go to interrogation
>they explain their story
>bartender was shooting patrons and shit
>extend my hand
>"[assistant] shakes it..?"
>wew
>let them go about their business after confirming that was the case
>detective is braindead, grab his pistol and keep him in brig with a note explaining
>whispers of rogue AI are ignored because BLOOD DRIVE
>centcomm donates cabbages as incentive
>go do that
>mill around for a bit
>pass by the locker room
>TWO HUMAN>BORG MACHINES LYING IN THE OPEN
>good thing the trenchcoat is brown because I shit myself
>run
>borg gives chase
>lose them in the halls, stop at bridge and frantically try to warn the captain
>get stunned mid me*
>highlight the emote I was doing, type "sighs."
>borg drops me on the conveyor
>it won't pull me in?
>he complains for a second
>forgets to stun me again
>get up
>yank out my pistol
>blast the borg as I run the fuck away
>captain makes an announcement but doesn't blow the borgs or anything
>run to the brig hoping the ion gun is still there
>realize I don't have access or insulated gloves
>make a big deal via emotes for the ghosts
>panic a little until the warden shows up
>opens it up and hands out guns to me and another guy
>anti borg swat team rolls out
>murder a hapless borg outside of brig
>make our way through maint to the locker room
>silicon genocide is now
>kill every borg there
>final shot from my gun kills the last borg, I'm out of energy
>check arrivals, recharger there is depowered
>go back to the locker room - another borg shows up
>he's on fire(?)
>lights me and another guy on fire, the warden went back to the brig apparently
>panic since I'm out of ammo and laser guns
>pass out
>borg attempts to drag me to the (now lone) functional converter
>hold my breath irl
>die while in crit as he drops my body onto the conveyor belt, no deathgasp or anything

The AI had to stay alive and kill a scientist and they still redtexted because the scientist got revived seconds before the round ended

killerx09 wrote:snip

I've heard this story before but the question I have is...

Was the clown actually a traitor or did they just get baited into this murderous frenzy just by radio-taunts?

>lateish bagil
>forget to ready in lobby
>decide to be captain
>deltastation
>go to my office and start gearing up
>no hos
>no security
>oh boy billy!
>walk around and see if people are doing their jobs
>walking down to medbay from cargo
>bryce pax runs into me and pushes me over
>stops and brags about it
>get up telebaton him
>cablecuff and drag him into my office
>try to ask him why he would do such a thing
>put him in renaults bed and take a picture
>release him and make copies and put em out about in the station
>by this time brig is getting bombed multiple times
>hop is being suicide bombed by the 2 remaining members of security
>check out hops office as some assistant walks by
>wanna be the new hop?
>Nova mull temp hop
>situate her, cmo messages me that hop killed em
>tell them of the new hop
>at this time we get a HoS in, sitrep him
>go make a healing virus in this seemingly peaceful time
>walking out of virology hear we have borers
>finished it in time to find out an assistant has impersonated the HoS and turned the Hop and sec team against him
>sec team starts filling up, have to unarrest the HoS twice from the sec team
>find out the fake HoS has literally kidnapped the HoP and is taking her away
>i have put so much effort gearing the new HoP up and get her going i aint letting this happen
>secteam and i head to escape and find them through maint and chase into science, recover Nova
>she said she was shot with the dets gun at point blank 3 times and beat up
>not a scratch on her from the virus
>we track the fake hos down again at arrivals and finally get him
>order his excution/borging
>mime snags him away and a minute of saxxing before we got the fake hos back
>arrest the mime and drag him as i go back to escape to recover dropped security items
>people acting suspicious as fuck so i drag the mime into space
>bitch him out on why he shouldnt interrupt us and he just wont cooperate
>threaten to space his damn ass untill he goes unconcious from oxyloss
>drag him to science for a borging/ai'ing as the fifth ai we would have that round
>too many shits to deal with a mime in my way
>sweep by hops office to see if they're okay now
>robustin the virologist that was brain dead earlier broke in and was attacking her
>with the hop disabler firing line him and drag him out
>give the hop a selection of what was now the armory/recovered traitor toys in my showerroom
>it was strictly professional okay
>she snags an ebow
>officer comes in wanting to be my co-captain
>tell them to chill before we call shuttle
>go into my shower to get the rest of the weapons
>come out and Nova's freaking out saying a slug got her
>god damn borer taking control
>disabler her as it tries to take her and run
>drag her to medbay, sugar her up
>go to surgery
>CMO, CE, RD all come in at the same time from the 3 doors into surgery
>this is abit suspicious but i gotta deslug nova
>its mething and killing her fast
>kills her before i can get it out
>roleplaying anger and head to clone her
>the heads saying im taking it too serious and to let it go
>the borers arent bad captain
>scanned but wont clone
>go back with her body to surgery to redress her as they start to come at me and flee through maint
>shuttles almost here
>go fling myself outside escape to escape the borer heads
>hear nova on radio as im still dragging her body
>go find her in surgery dressing
>we try to get to a pod but cant
>she spaces herself
>all i see is her pda slowly drifting into space
>fling myself out to try to get her back screaming after her
>after a minute of drifting go back to station
>with a recovered emag use comms to tell the syndicate because of their little borers ill find and kill them all for nova
>rest in the empty halls of my bloody, destroyed, horrific station as the captain, as it goes down with the round

>assistant
>decide not to be a greytiding shit
>Name: Uzz Baldrin
>talk to HoP he makes me an astronaut
>get space suit and fly out arrivals
>floating In a most peculiar way.gif
>been a few minutes haven't hit anything
>found a school bus floating in space
>found cherry bombs prime them and throw them in any direction
>had to phone someone.wav
>find Pai
>NEET
>activate someone becomes pai
>ask Pai to play david bowie
>says he can't
>*SIGH*
>but he decides to SING for me
>proceeds to sing the entirety of Space Oddity for me
>that guy was a real stand up Pai
>whoever that was
>Danke Shoen

I wish I got a screen shot of the time cap made a rage cage and the HoS was challenging people.
The cage was electrified and I tried to convice HoS to stop by walking in and telling him but they locked me in and made me fight the HoS.
HoS was acting all high and mighty so I double grabbed him and repeatedly slammed him into an electified grill.
Then I got fired.
Honk

>Be R&D
>Just wanna have a quiet life
>Hear reports of revs
>Flip down welding goggles
>Obvious revs come into sci and loot a bit and leave
>Don't care, they didn't take anything I needed
>Miner brings mats, I leave it there for a while
>Gear up with my standard issue mutagen syringe gun, perfect for a sci guy like me
>Get them mats
>Guy tries to flash me, fails because goggles
>Sigh and shoot him
>He panics and only one shot hits before he flees
>Pick up missed shots and reload them, run into the guy again on my way back
>He's standing still, presumably either typing something or stunned from a mutation
>Empty my syringe gun in him and walk away calmly as he dies of rads on the floor
>Get back to R&D and start reloading
>SUDDENLY GET KRAV-MEGA STUNNED
>GOGGLES NOOOO YOU'VE BETRAYED MEEEEEEE
>Two guys are near me, one that just knocked me flat and the other his obvious cohort
>Guy flashes me and talks "So, welcome to the club--"
>He realizes his conversion failed
>I shoot my one good shot at him, missing
>He panics, not knowing I'm currently out of ammo
>Firelocks descend for some reason and his buddy is locked out of R&D
>I have just enough time to grab a syringe and reload, hitting the revhead once
>His buddy gets the firelock open and I bail out
>Realize why the firelocks were enabled, toxins is on FIRE
>No escape available!
>Hide in a dark area as the two don't pursue me
>Glance back over to see them bailing from science together
>PHEW
>R&D is unscathed
>Seal myself in and resume my work
>Shortly later the round ends
>Revs lose!
>After I killed the one head myself the other, by godly fucking luck, went blind with the one shot I hit and ran in terror
>Syringe gun: 2
>Revs: 0

>Smash the motherfucking observe button
>Round is boring so I look for ghost roles
>Ash walkers are available
>Soon as I spawn I see our nest got destroyed
>hellodarknessmyoldfriend.pAI
>We're only three steps away from the mining station
>Decide that the nest must be avenged
>Steal a GPS from the mining EVA
>See a bloody signal close
>Find Bubblegum and leg it to the mining station
>Consumes me and my vengeful blood thirst fills him
>Gets on the shuttle and waits
>and waits
>Eventually a miner calls the shuttle
>He immediately crits and consumes the HoS
>Proceeds to rape Delta bareback as the crew tries to run away
>After fluke Deathsquid fails to contain him
>He finds his way onto the escape shuttle and ravages everyone inside
>Mon visage when the nest was successfully avenged
>mon visage when I have no visage

He didn't believe me, so he paid like the rest of them.



(F) Cyrus Eridan says, "Don't come to the shuttle"
(F) Cyrus Eridan says, "You're alright"
(F) Raised-By-Lizards says, "Hah"
(F) Raised-By-Lizards says, "Sure buddy"

<Later>

(F) [Common] Cyrus Eridan says, "My name is not important. What I am going to do is important. I just fuckin' hate this world. And the human worms feasting on its corpus. My whole life is just cold, bitter hatred. And I always wanted to die violently. This is the time of vengeance and no life is worth saving. And I will put in the grave as many as I can. It's time for me to kill. And it's time for me to die. My genocide crusade begins here."
*beep* *beep*
*beep* *beep*
*beep* *beep*
*beep* *beep*
*beep* *beep*
*beep* *beep*
Cyrus Eridan seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless...
(F) Cyrus Eridan has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Cyrus Eridan's left arm has been violently dismembered!
Cyrus Eridan's right arm has been violently dismembered!
Kameron Losey seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless...
(F) Kameron Losey has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Kameron Losey's left arm has been violently dismembered!
Tom Daniels has been hit by the left arm.
(F) Gristle McThornbody has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Cyrus Eridan crashes into Lucas Edwards, knocking them both over!
(F) Claudia Johnson has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Nes Shio seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless...
(F) Nes Shio has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Nes Shio's left leg has been violently dismembered!
(F) Tom Daniels has died at Emergency Shuttle.
(F) Old Man Henderson has died at Emergency Shuttle.
(F) Jul-Neeus has died at Emergency Shuttle.
(F) Roxanne Hosseini has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Lucas Edwards seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless...
(F) Lucas Edwards has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Lucas Edwards's right arm has been violently dismembered!
Outta Mime seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless...
(F) Outta Mime has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Outta Mime's right arm has been violently dismembered!
Outta Mime's left leg has been violently dismembered!
Outta Mime's left arm has been violently dismembered!
Outta Mime's right leg has been violently dismembered!
Lucas Edwards's left arm has been violently dismembered!
Randall Carp has been hit by the toolbelt.
Randall Carp has been hit by the toolbelt.
Randall Carp has been hit by the metal.
Brady Dimeling has been hit by the metal.
The flash burns out!
Staton Panic seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless...
(F) Staton Panic has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Brady Dimeling seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless...
(F) Brady Dimeling has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Brady Dimeling's right arm has been violently dismembered!
Brady Dimeling's left leg has been violently dismembered!
Randall Carp has been hit by the toolbelt.
Randall Carp has been hit by the metal.
Brady Dimeling's right leg has been violently dismembered!
Randall Carp seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless...
(F) Randall Carp has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Randall Carp's right leg has been violently dismembered!
(F) Logan Schaeffer has died at Emergency Shuttle.
The fight pit bear has been hit by the plasteel.
The fight pit bear has been hit by the metal.
The fight pit bear has been hit by the metal.
The fight pit bear has been hit by the metal.
The fight pit bear stares ferociously at Zerbeboz Wewo.
(F) Tancred Of Galilee has died at Emergency Shuttle.
The flash burns out!
Zerbeboz Wewo's left arm has been violently dismembered!
Zerbeboz Wewo seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless...
(F) Zerbeboz Wewo has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Zerbeboz Wewo's right leg has been violently dismembered!
The fight pit bear has been hit by the plasteel.
The fight pit bear has been hit by the metal.
The fight pit bear stops moving...
The fight pit bear has been hit by the fork.
The fight pit bear has been hit by the metal.
The fight pit bear stops moving...
Zune Hincken has been hit by the metal.
Zune Hincken seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless...
(F) Zune Hincken has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Zune Hincken's left leg has been violently dismembered!
Randall Carp's right arm has been violently dismembered!
Zerbeboz Wewo's left leg has been violently dismembered!
Zune Hincken's right arm has been violently dismembered!
The fight pit bear has been hit by the fork.
The fight pit bear has been hit by the metal.
The fight pit bear has been hit by the metal.
The fight pit bear has been hit by the metal rod.
The fight pit bear stops moving...
(F) Asher Reichard has died at Emergency Shuttle.
(F) DEAD: Nes Shio says, "JESUS"
the shard embeds itself in Siserith Vassada's right arm!
Siserith Vassada has been hit by the shard.
Siserith Vassada has been hit by the metal rod.
the shard embeds itself in Siserith Vassada's chest!
Siserith Vassada has been hit by the shard.
Dusty Kelly has been hit by the metal rod.
Dusty Kelly has been hit by the metal.
Dusty Kelly has been hit by the metal rod.
the metal rod embeds itself in Dusty Kelly's right arm!
Dusty Kelly has been hit by the metal rod.
(F) DEAD: Lucas Edwards says, "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
(F) DEAD: Jul-Neeus says, "ohh"
HoPcurity blows apart!
(F) DEAD: Eats-Shoots-and-Leaves says, "Rip"
(F) DEAD: Zerbeboz Wewo buzzes, "It's not like things can get wrose"
Lucas Edwards's left leg has been violently dismembered!
Unknown's right leg has been violently dismembered!
Unknown's left leg has been violently dismembered!
Brady Dimeling's left arm has been violently dismembered!
(F) DEAD: Outta Mime says, "Beautiful"
Unknown's left leg has been violently dismembered!
Zune Hincken's right leg has been violently dismembered!
Unknown's right arm has been violently dismembered!
the metal rod embeds itself in Dusty Kelly's chest!
Dusty Kelly has been hit by the metal rod.
(F) DEAD: Brady Dimeling says, "Oh."
(F) DEAD: Nes Shio says, "OH FUCK"
(F) DEAD: Asher Reichard says, ";LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL"
Dusty Kelly has been hit by the metal.
Dusty Kelly seizes up and falls limp, their eyes dead and lifeless...
(F) Dusty Kelly has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Siserith Vassada seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless.

retard got it wrong its "what is important is what I'm going to do" and its feasting on its CARCASS not corpus and its put in A grave

Last round was the most memorable one I've ever had.

>be me
>sybil
>cmo
>fuck my WoW sub is expired and I just realized I need to renew it
>set stuff up, make lazy suit sensor announcement
>hide in locker and renew my sub
>have to resist out because apparently you can't unlock it from inside
>standard doctor things for a while
>suddenly a doctor comes in with a locker
>meaty ores hit
>prisoner in perma uniform comes sprinting in screaming for help
>talk to him
>he's the HoP, apparently the hos and warden went rogue and gulagged him for minor crime
>start giving him plastic surgery
>lizard walks in with a closet full o' alien organs
>asks me to implant them
>put a doctor on it; the hop is now Elliot Rogers
>I bring him into the medbay storage and get him a doctor getup
>he thanks me profusely
>feel good for having kept someone in the round
>head back over to surgery
>alien weeds and eggs with loves-the-lizards standing in the middle of it
>uhh
>"it's ok, CMO, I'll keep them safe"
>"okay"
>make an announcement
>walk out of my office
>loves is dragging off a facehugged guy
>well that didn't last long
>snag a bio hood and charge in
>with the help of the CE, capture and kill loves
>the CE is infected
>the doctors are infected
>there's at least six infected people and I'm the only healthy surgeon
>here goes
>spend the next few minutes getting larvae out, eventually we get them all but have to do more thanks to some errant facehuggers
>one guy popped, but we got the larva
>mission accomplished!
>clean up medbay and praise the crew for their work
>host a celebratory blood drive, and two generous donors give blood (shoutout to the librarian and cargo tech)
>also I should mention that there's been ayyliens running around this entire round
>scientist walks in asking for implants
>long story short, I end up severing her arm
>warden does it for me, graciously accepts my apology
>scientist walks out happy
>chemist comes in
>an errant facehugger got him, he wants me to delarva him
>easy
>start doing surgery
>something's in the vents?
>A HUNTER FUCKING BURSTS OUT OF THE VENTS
>SLAMS A FACEHUGGER ON THE CHEMIST AND CHARGES ME
>I DON'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO MOVE BEFORE I'M DOWN
>eats the chemist, kills me, and stuffs me in a locker
>ventcrawls away
>holy shit that's literally like something out of Alien
>not even mad
>find the hive
>it's MASSIVE, hidden in engi maint
>they've killed everyone who's found it
>guess the larva didn't die after all
>I have my suit sensors on
>pray someone finds me
>eventually return to my body
>nicholas barnes, a doctor, has me
>this man has done so much this shift
>starts cutting my stomach open before he clones me
>suddenly
>AYYLIENS TELEPORT IN
>NICHOLAS GOES DOWN
>says "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR SHIT" but the agent isn't having any of it
>they retrieve both him and me
>nicholas vanishes somehow but I'm still there
>they put a plasma gland in me and shove my body on a bed while they debate what to do next
>ever closer to bursting
>ever closer
>the plasma gland goes off and fills the shuttle with plasma
>team takes the time to mention the sparkly shuttle
>ever
>fucking
>closer
>they put me in the teleporter pod and subsequently forget about me
>excellent
>I pop
>larva runs around, confused
>oh, but they'll just k-
>NOPE
>MY POPPING SPRAYED SPARKS
>THE PLASMA IS LIT
>IT'S LIT FAM
>ENTIRE UFO INSTANTLY ON FIRE
>AYYLIENS RUNNING AROUND LIKE CHICKENS WITH THEIR HEADS CUT OFF
>LARVA IS SCREAMING
>ALIENS ARE SCREAMING
>DEADCHAT IS SCREAMING
>EVERYTHING IS SCREAMING
>aliens burn to death
>go nuts in deadchat
>decide that's enough SS13 for now and disconnect
>5 mins later, hop back on
>instantly become a larva
>nicholas is nearby
>whisper him "i'm sorry, all you've done, you don't deserve this fate"
>the shuttle is called by this point
>there are zero survivors on the station that aren't hugged or being hunted
>oh also there's someone in a phazon that's part of us
>calls himself the alien king
>w/e
>evolve into a drone and queenie makes me her praetorian
>then
>BEES
>BEES IN THE HIVE
>A BEE
>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>HIVECHAT GOES INSANE, ENTIRE ALIEN FORCE RUSHING TO HIVE
>OH GOD IT'S CHASING THE QUEEN SOMEONE STOP IT
>LARVA SCREECHING FOR CHICKEN TENDIES
>BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES
>joke gets stale and we kill the bee
>shuttle arrives
>we all board
>start whispering All Star to a facehugged person lying on the ground
>wait
>i'm second in command
>VICTORY SCREECH ON THREE
>count down
>shuttle immediately filled with the deafening deathgasps of an entire hive
>today was a good day
>shuttle arrives
>victory screech at centcom until the round ends

i know i'm being a dick by saying this instead of admiring the better part of the story, but the hop raided the armory roundstart, and then got a borg to get him to escape twice.
"minor crime"

Xhuis wrote:Last round was the most memorable one I've ever had.

>round is abductors
>???
>check the revision and abductors is at 6~% probability
>abductors are boring and broken as fuck
>take a chance and make some traitors
>one ends up being the xeno king in the phazon
>later, meaty ores happen
>loves gets xeno organs and has a ton of ghosts orbiting him
>mid surgery i take another gamble and traitor him with objective to start xeno uprising
>xenos barely survive by like 1 larva, go through 2 queens before getting a proper hive
>all in all round goes well thanks to well timed button pressing

feels good to make a round good

Armhulen wrote:i know i'm being a cuck by saying this instead of admiring the better part of the story, but the hop raided the armory roundstart, and then got a borg to get him to escape twice.
"minor crime"

I never knew the full story, the captain just said "He snagged some weapons and whatnot". Oh well, I think he atoned well by helping save a bunch of people, eh?

hope so, i was going to buckshot his ass when i saw it

Armhulen wrote:hope so, i was going to buckshot his ass when i saw it

Rough. Were you the captain, HoS, or warden? If so, he probably healed you without you even knowing. In fact, if you were the captain, I think you provided him with a new ID.

Xhuis wrote:

Armhulen wrote:hope so, i was going to buckshot his ass when i saw it

Rough. Were you the captain, HoS, or warden? If so, he probably healed you without you even knowing. In fact, if you were the captain, I think you provided him with a new ID.

warden. if he healed me and then told me he was the hop, i would have given back his stuff.

>Be me
>Traitor medical doctor
>Assasinate kevin mcclune and die
>Easy enough
>Other traitors pull an operative scare and everyone thinks it's ops
>All access
>Whoo
>Decide to make potassium and water pills seperately, name them as "Anti-stun pill (1) and anti-stun pill (2) respectively and hand them out as two dental implants
>Lie to people and say one pill is morphine and the other is coffee and an anti-stun chemical so you can negate damage slowdown and run fast and you need to activate both to recieve the benefits
>Will white eventually takes the bait
>Have him in surgery
>give him dental implants
>"Why dont you try them out so I know I didnt mess the mix up?
>"Sure"
>Explodes infront of me and goes straight into crit
>Decide instead of killing him I'll shove a bomb into his chest and tell him he'll die if he doesnt follow my orders to the T
>He's deaf and doesnt read PDA messages so he never notices this and ends up sticking by me thinking I fucked the mix up and I'm eventually going to cure him
>My target runs in with the captain whilst I'm trying to explain what needs to be done to will
>Oh yes
>Lock captain out and offer anti-stun pills to my target
>He says yes
>Tell him to try the implants out
>"Save me from the captain first!"
>After some messing around I eventually convince him to try my implants out
>Table him once to get him to use it
>The pill is activated but doesnt activate right away
>Table him again at his request
>"Yeah the stun is definitely shorter he-"
>Mid-sentence he explodes and dies
>My sides go into orbit
>I tell will he has 90 seconds to live and tell him the bomb inside of him is set to blow on my death
>It's a lie but he doesnt know, so I hand him my uplink and syndicate bomb myself to die gloriously
>Target is laughing their ass off in deadchat
>I am successful

Will didnt end up doing anything because he was deaf the whole time and had no clue what was going on, but he was understandably happier for not being murdered on the spot. Might try the bomb in the chest thing another time.

I EXPLODED BECAUSE I TOOK ANOTHER PILL

>Be borg
>Get emagged
>Only Fritz Sparks and people they designate as being such are Syndicate Agents, you may not injure a syndicate agent or, through inaction, allow a syndicate agent to come to harm, etc
>Fritz: Kill Ted Stroh, chaplain, Keep it quiet
>And take care, he is a syndicate agent as well

Heh.

>Be sci guy
>Traitor
>Recently bothered to learn toxins again and am really into bombs
>Crack metaphorical knuckles and whip up six maxcaps
>Prepare to run a "THE STATION IS ARMED TO EXPLODE" gimmick
>Stuff bombs into smuggler satchels and hide them across the station
>Medbay, courtroom, dorms bathroom, arrivals hall, R&D, and the engine
>As an added measure rig the bags with mousetrap triggers in case someone fondles them
>Am fully ready
>Broadcast my demands to NT via a comms console
>"Your station is armed to explode if I don't recieve a million spacebux in three minutes"
>Set timer and wait
>No response
>PM Durkel to see if he missed it or what
>He says he's way too busy to play along
>Sigh
>Detonate the station
>Cuban Pete is played
>Am shot by the captain who had no way of knowing I was the bomber, just that I was wearing the RD hardsuit
>Get executed

Sometimes you try so hard but don't succeed.

Wrong thread

I Cuban Pete'd, I won even if I lost.

it's not about winning, it's about fun!