/tg/Station 13

Bottom post of the previous page:

bandit wrote:>I stole the wrong vest
>I stole the wrong vest
>I STOLE THE WRONG VEST

this is what we call "the people's greentext"
you didn't greentext but you'll be damned if you didn't try and you did a hell of a job trying, at that

bgo to be fair you 1. could of asked me to get you one 2. i clicked kelotene just as the officer dude did 3. i gave you a burn patch

>Be traitor atmos tech.
>Get objective to steal secret documents.
>Have the brilliant idea to build a disposal pipe into the vault.
>Unscrew the window to lay the pipe.
>Get sucked into the electric grill by space-wind.
>bzzzzzt
>bzzzzzt
>bzzzzzt
>bzzzzzt
>Like a fly in a fucking bug zapper.

>be Eddie Houser, HoP
>wanted to be a borg, I'm sad now
>TRAITOR
>kill mime, get Captain's laser
>no Captain, so give myself all-access and tell the other Heads/AI that I'm going to secure the Captain's valuables
>no-one bats an eyelid
>get to Captain's office
>hole in the wall, assistant, engiborg
>ask what the fuck is going on, tell borg to fix wall
>when it's clear, steal the Captain's laser, the spare ID and the disc/pinpointer
>first objective down, time to plan for the mime
>decide to get some help on this
>hacked ai module, binary key
>upload one-human law that specifies to treat the crew as human unless doing so would endanger me or jeopardise the mission
>tell the AI and the borg that I want this done cleanly, with no causalities if possible
>we totally have to kill the mime though, guys
>AI and borg seem agreeable
>head to Science to check on the RD's office
>while I'm there, AI informs me that the mime is hacking into the bridge
>PERFECT
>run to the bridge, find the clown already in there for some reason. Whatever, clown leaves through the door I came through
>see mime
>shoot mime
>the mime shakes his head, perhaps asking for mercy? Or trying to tell me that it's a misunderstanding?
>beat him to death
>take his body to the kitchen
>SUP CHEF, GOT SOME FRESH TATOR MEAT FOR YOU
>chef is excited and does not question this
>starts calling the crew to the kitchen for tator steaks or something
>decide to be a helpful bro-HoP as best I can, to curry favour with the crew
>just keep telling everyone GOOD JOB
>some guy with a big white afro keeps going on about the RD, whatever guy
>reports of Xeno breaching security, warnings from Centcomm
>vent-welded rampage
>see the clown dragging Poly's corpse around, hitting it with a fireaxe
>bitch I fucking love parrots, I was trying to get through this with only the mime dying
>I will make an exception for the clown
>Ark seems to be forming some sort of angry alien-killing mob at this point, sure thing dude, good job
>hope that aliens fuck shit up so I can call the shuttle
>see the clown above the bridge
>clown has written "HO"
>pretty sure there's gonna be a "P" next
>head out, gun him down, bind him
>drag to my office, beat him to death while shouting I LOVE BIRBS
>dump in locker, I'll gib him later
>Miner and Ark are at my office, Miner wants voucher, Ark wants crates opening
>open locker for the voucher
>"Why is the clown in your locker, sir?"
>"Tator"
>"Well, you should lock it then, you don't want him to escape."
>"It's fine, he's dead. Here's your voucher."
>Miner gets uncomfortable and runs away
>go and unlock the guns and armour in cargo for the anti-aliem killsquad that's forming
>they run off immediately to go and kill the aliens
>they never find any. No-one does. No-one ever sees one. Weird.
>Captain arrives, asks for a briefing
>tators, xenos
>he never asks about any of the stuff I stole
>suits me
>decide to get rid of that clown corpse
>off to the kitchen again
>blood everywhere
>food everywhere
>dead chef
>no
>gib the clown, take the chef to cloning, he deserves to live
>brain not responding to scanner
>Susanna, Anda(?) and Carter burst in
>Anda is naked and cuffed for some reason
>Carter is shouting about her being a tator
>Anda starts running around, Susanna starts fretting about her
>tell Anda to stop running or I'll shoot, but tell Carter to back off
>apparently she had ammo and a revolver
>tell Carter that doesn't mean she's a tator, Cargo is busted open and there's a hacked autholathe
>Susanne stresses that she's just trying to keep Anda alive
>tell Anda that she'll do time for possession of a weapon without a permit
>drag her to brig
>some dude is in there complaining that he doesn't have armoury access even though he's in the militia
>militia?
>sentence Anda to 3 minutes
>Susanna goes to fetch her stuff
>Anda asks me to at least let her go and do her hair
>ha ha no
>give Anda three minutes minus time for processing, and with time off for good behaviour and co-operation
>if she is a tator, she's had a second chance here
>let her out, she runs away
>Susanna returns, asks where she is
>SHE DID HER TIME
>Susanna seems flustered, so I tell her she said something about doing her hair
>Susanna runs off to find her
>head to bridge, Captain tells me about his militia
>says they don't think they're Sec, but they basically are
>go along with it, commend the actually-helpful militia members
>they were more organised than me when dealing with the xenos that never showed up, so sure
>BORED NOW
>tell the AI and borg to start blowing problems out of proportion, to make situations seem worse than they actually are, so we can call the shuttle
>they try, but it doesn't take as the crew don't listen
>things are running too smoothly for it to work, basically
>damn this crew and their competence
>it's been like an hour now
>fuck it AI, release the singularity, any other tators will be dead or waiting to leave at this point
>AI can't do it so easily, turns out the CE did a really good job setting up and securing the singulo or something
>DAMN THIS CREW AND THEIR COMPETENCE
>crew shouting about a space ninja, they start fighting over his sword
>alert over Xenoforms
>rest of Command want to call shuttle
>someone says "That's just carp"
>no-one listens
>confirm with Captain to call shuttle
>he agrees
>CE annouces over Command that the singularity almost escaped
>RD blames the dead space ninja
>suits me
>tell the AI not to bother with the singularity now, it'd be too dangerous and the shuttle is coming anyway
>tell the AI that I want a distraction when the shuttle arrives, as I head to the Security pod
>tell it to turn off the Escape airlock door lights, bolt them closed and electrify them, and to time it so it's not apparent until the shuttle has actually arrived, so that there's no time for anyone to go and kill it
>Janitor writing that I'm a cuck over the bridge
>pull my gun, he leaves
>I'd have harshed him, but time was short
>set him to arrest anyway
>head to Sec
>prepare Internals
>thank AI and borg for being so professional to work with this shift
>head into Sec pod, welding doors shut behind me
>wish I could see the crew trying to get through the bolted, electrocuted doors in escape
>really expected more shouting about it, tbh
>oh well, I'm safe, secure and ready to leave, that's what's important
>suddenly
>CARP
>lolno dickwad, get rekt
>empty e-gun into it through window
>carp keeps coming
>oh fuck
>gun wasn't set to kill
>panic
>fumble
>fumble fumble fumble
>carp is on me
>trying to beat it to death
>carp crits me, and leaves me for dead
>pod leaves
>two minutes until arrival
>exposed to space, but thankfully Internals are on
>JUST GOTTA LIVE FOR TWO MINUTES
>should've prepared better
>should've put on an EVA suit or something
>1 minute until arrival
>COME ON
>30 seconds until arrival
>HANG IN THERE
>20 seconds until arrival
>dead
>FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK
>my greentext
>my smooth-as-fuck traitor shift
>"That's just carp"
>no tears now, only dreams

kevinz000 wrote:bgo to be fair you 1. could of asked me to get you one 2. i clicked kelotene just as the officer dude did 3. i gave you a burn patch

racing through a dark station while slowly losing consciousness was pretty dramatic to be fair

Beegix wrote:honk

Didn't you have the Cap's laser on you with its infinite ammo, or an epipen in your internals box that woulda healed you once you critted?

Beegix wrote:Snip

And people wonder why sec/captain antag would be a bad thing.

>asstant
>get flashed and rev'd
>okay.jpg
>gather supplies and test wires while waiting for rev numbers to reach critical mass
>it never happens
>I guess revheads are being stealthy, good for them
>some revheads are caught apparently?
>become a revhead out of the blue
>okay
>flash some nerds
>gotta be very careful since I don't know if there are other revheads alive
>...out of nerds??? apparently heads and sec are super paranoid and revs are being dealt with? I dunno, literally have no idea what's going on
>okay anyway
>kill the QM I think, don't remember
>OH MOTHERFUCKING LOOK HOP'S IN THE OFFICE
>rush into HoP maint and cut up all the APCs, HoP's now locked in his office without light or power
>ok time to stunprod
>crowbar into HoP's, some bystander is there but I don't care
>suddenly
>I'm in a movie IRL
>the movie's called "Birds"
>my fucking budgie decides now's the time to fuck my face up
>fucker just perches on my lips and nose and starts biting me
>shake my head, she doesn't care, just grips me harder
>what the fuck
>equip hand, brush the fucker aside
>okay time to continue
>HoP fucked off, thankfully he didn't kill me on the spot
>ok I guess I'll go convert medbay???
>go into medbay, convert a guy
>NO FUCK YOU BIRB ATTACK
>budgie's at it again
>consider changing her name from Cirno to Harpy or somesuch
>after a brief battle she fucks off, beaten but not defeated
>fighting back only made her cloaca harder
>attack frequency increases, literally cannot do anything
>ahelp it, "I can't rev today my parrot is fucking me up"
>revhead status removed thankfully
>decide to plasma brig or something
>start breaking into sci for dem plasmas
>you're a revhead again!
>okay, I'll just convert scientists who get in my way
>budgie seems to have calmed down
>end up in medbay again for some reason
>Bon Nuit the loyalty implanted axesisstant and the HoS with her egun unzipped are there along with some rev guy
>zap the HoS, put gun in backpack, Bon comes after me with fireaxe, first hit knockdown, yell for the rev guy to kill the HoS who is still down, Bon should try to rescue her since he doesn't know I am a revhead
>guy tries to save me
>actually manages to I think except we got HoS and Bon on us now
>budgie attacks me again
>we get dunked

This happened a long time ago though so I don't remember details BUT THE POINT IS

MY BUDGIE SAVED THE STATION

DemonFiren wrote:

Beegix wrote:honk

Didn't you have the Cap's laser on you with its infinite ammo, or an epipen in your internals box that woulda healed you once you critted?

Yeah, but the e-gun was what I had at hand, and by the time I clocked my schoolboy error, it was too late and I was fumbling around and getting eaten. As for the epipen, how do you use it once you've already been critted? I didn't think that was possible.

Whoisthere wrote:MY BUDGIE SAVED THE STATION

POST YOUR BIRB. Here's my knuckleheads:


They've started mimicking bars of the lobby theme, and the clown's shoes.

Beegix wrote:snip

I was the chef, thank you for the thought, although I committed suicide, since I had to grab a quick bite and go to work.

Also, I very rarely ask why someone would want to gib someone else, you're giving me meat to cook something, and so you may as well be my BFF, especially since lately I very rarely have brotanists to supply me.

Beegix wrote: POST YOUR BIRB.

Time to resurrect the pet thread.

Also, record your budgies chirping ss13 theme so we can play it in the lobby.

> Engineer.
> Again? Fuck no, I'll go be drone and restore derelict.
> Suicide.
> I wonder what the roundtype is.
> It's wizard.
> Welp, it's going to be over quickly, no drones for now.
> The wizard spawns in the armory, robs it.
> A ligger derective comes and starts a conversation.
> Suddenly, he whips out his hacked revolver and shoots the wizard dead.
> That was a really short round.
> SUDDENLY, RAGING MAGES
> Get the wizard.
> Wonder about my name and gimmick for some time.
> The other wizard buys a mjolnir and says he's gonna be the MUSCLE WIZARD.
> Idea.
> Ask him if he wants to be Thor.
> He does, he changes his name and looks to match.
> Name myself Loki, buy upgraded jaunt, upgraded magic missile and a staff of change.
> We deploy to the station.
> Go around, staff of change people into xenos, slimes and blobbernauts.
> My target is Zoey Webb? I love to kill people who have it coming.
> Go to botany, transform her into monkey, beat her to death with a hatchet.
> A few times loudly ask over the radio for my brother. Thor is silent.
> I assume he's dead at this point.
> Polymorph some more people, including Bryce Pax. Next time I see him, he's a blobbernaut called shitternaut.
> Polymorph more people, causing chaos indirectly, but not killing anyone beside my target.
> Find clown with a mjolnir.
> Staff of change clown into a slime, grab mjolnir, jaunt away.
> Conclude that my brother must be dead, space the hammer to honour him.
> Captain invites me for negotiations.
> Laugh him off, refuse.
> He promises that he intends me no harm.
> "A god has nothing to be afraid of from a human like you, captain."
> Or maybe I should come.
> Hmmmm.
> Time to prove to admins that I don't hate RP!
> Jaunting is fucking hard, because the chaplain in this round is a competent motherfucker, not a degenerate lizard in a carpsuit.
> Start a conversation with captain, he asks me what do I want.
> While I'm typing the answer, he shoots me with a lethal syringe from his syringe gun.
> Jaunt away.
> Too late.
> Is this how I die? From treachery? How ironic.
> Crawl through the atmosia, I know that I'm dead at this point, but maybe I'll find an isolated location and die in peace.
> As I slowly crawl, I continuously get stunned and drop my staff.
> An atmostech finds me, picks up my staff, shoots me with it.
> Get turned into a slime.
> Holy shit, I might actually survive this.
> Holy shit, this is atmos, fire extinguishers EVERYWHERE.
> Try to ventcrawl.
> Die.
> Captain is dead too.
> He boasts about how he killed five wizards with this trick before, and they keep falling for it.
> Says that wizard should be killing people, not talking.
> Mfw when I'm asked why I don't RP on tg

Jesus, what was that captain's name? That's some grade-A shitlery. We don't have a specific rule about it but come the fuck on, that's CLEARLY being a dick.

Drynwyn wrote:Jesus, what was that captain's name? That's some grade-A shitlery. We don't have a specific rule about it but come the fuck on, that's CLEARLY being a dick.

>When cunning and guile are seen as "being a dick" in some backwards slackjawed massive forehead eyes too far apart downs having retarded players.

Abusing the other person's typing to kill them is, in fact, being a dick. So's using Downs' Syndrome and the r-slur as insults, though.

What is not standing in line of sight?

What is jaunting into a wall so most projectiles can't touch you?

It wouldn't be being a dick if the wizard wasn't actively trying to peacefully RP, rather than MM/Ei Nathing everything in sight; but when the wizard isn't acting overtly murderish (possibly because doing so would be being a dick), taking advantage of that to get your valids on is pretty bad.

It's not even that it's "unfair" or "waah waah ded", it's that it conveys the message that "this is a serber for REAL MEN who MURDER PEOPLE and RP IS FOR UNROBUST PEOPLE".

And that discourages roleplay for everyone, which is a bad thing. Obviously, it's possible to dodge gunshots, position yourself so they can't hit you, and the like, but at some point, if you always have to mentally check "is this person trying to roleplay with me, or just open me up for an easy shot?", it becomes easier for you to answer "better murder him just to be sure."

"I RP but I RP as a special snowflake not the role the game gives me"

You're an escaped criminal from jail with the power to make people explode with his mind, you seriously expect the bloke who is most loyal to NT and whose mandate it is to neutralise threats to the company to not play his role but instead fart around the bar having drinks with the wizard, talking about the battle of victoria?

Malkevin wrote:"I RP but I RP as a special snowflake not the role the game gives me"

You're an escaped criminal from jail with the power to make people explode with his mind, you seriously expect the bloke who is most loyal to NT and whose mandate it is to neutralise threats to the company to not play his role but instead fart around the bar having drinks with the wizard, talking about the battle of victoria?

I don't expect him to do that at all! If he popped around the corner and shot me with a syringe gun in the middle of a hallway, I would be 100% okay with that. I would even be okay if he did that while I was talking to someone else.

What I take issue with is when he pretends to signal "I want to roleplay with you, would you like to roleplay back and maybe we can create something fun and interesting?", and then, when he gets the response "Okay, sure, let's give it a try!" responds with "HAHA GOTCHA FAGGOT U DED I MLGNOSCOPE1337"- because if these signals are abused, they become useless, and roleplay with any meaningful stakes involved becomes impossible.

asking someone a question so you can quickdraw and kill them while they're typing out an answer is pretty shitty/powergamey tbh

Captain should be mocked for doing that.

Malkevin wrote:"I RP but I RP as a special snowflake not the role the game gives me"

You're an escaped criminal from jail with the power to make people explode with his mind, you seriously expect the bloke who is most loyal to NT and whose mandate it is to neutralise threats to the company to not play his role but instead fart around the bar having drinks with the wizard, talking about the battle of victoria?

i bet you're the kind of guy that only does the objectives given to him as traitor and never runs a gimmick

cap was shit, really just not acting in good faith and promoting unga bunga rather than doing something unique to spice things up

Depends on if you include turning the station into the surface of the sun with no melted floors as a gimmick.

Drynwyn wrote:Jesus, what was that captain's name? That's some grade-A shitlery. We don't have a specific rule about it but come the fuck on, that's CLEARLY being a dick.

hello

i've been on both ends of the space-suckerpunch too many times and i can tell you that it will never be punishable

IcePacks wrote:

Drynwyn wrote:Jesus, what was that captain's name? That's some grade-A shitlery. We don't have a specific rule about it but come the fuck on, that's CLEARLY being a dick.

hello

i've been on both ends of the spaaaaaace-suckerpunch too many times and i can tell you that it will never be punishable

bannable maybe not, but had I been an admin at the time I would have spawned a space ninja with the objective "Punish the captain for his SHAMFUR DISPRAY OF DISHONOR."

this is probably one of the many reasons I should never be an admin, however

I would say it is borderline metagaming. Knowing that someone has to stop everything in order to talk because the actual player has to type what they want to say is not exactly reasonable IC knowledge to act upon.

It's shitty and disheartening, if I try to strike a conversation with an antag and get dunked, it's my bad for being naive. But this is taking advantage of both another player's trust and the system itself to get an easy kill like a shitter.

I get people to do something for me, like look at a computer or make me a chem before jumping them. Talking I use to get close to people and/or inside their department, people that come by usually don't throw you out their department if they see you talking to someone

>rev round
>not a rev
>find a box of shurikens in bar because its metastation
>ask hos to be implanted
>cuffs, drags from cargo to brig, implants
>dmitri bocharov is fucking cancer
>strips me 100% naked, realises I have shurikens, arrests me for 5 minutes
>later see him shooting thomas laser into crit with an auto rifle because he is too retarded to tase
>rev comes up to my window
>does me the favor of welderbombing it, killing my naked ass
>ahelp dmitri
>admin is like "you got off easy"
>clones me
>round ends before I can murder dmitri

>cultist in cult round
>2 cultists immediately suicide in team antag (fuck you schlomo)
>server crashes

The unloved rock wrote:>cultist in cult round
>2 cultists immediately suicide in team antag (fuck you schlomo)
>server crashes

ahelp them, that's a bannin'
or i guess at this point you should make a ban request

one died

another ahelped to let us know that he had lost the will to live through a second cult round in a row and had decided instead to do something in RL

>playing on the /vg/ server as a Vox mechanic
>decide to become a space scavenger
>build space pod and go exploring
>after 40 minutes or so it's pretty clear this is an uneventful round
>go back to station and try to haggle with R&D to trade my scavenged items for technology
>scientist tells me he's not interested
>ask one of the two AIs to visit its core, it agrees
>tell it I want to take it on an adventure (I had scavenged an intellicard)
>it agrees (he was probably as bored as I was)
>immediately go on a rant that was essentially "HAHAHA DUMB HUMAN-MADE AI IS NOT AS SMART AS THE GREAT VOX. NOW I'LL SELL YOU FOR GREAT TECHNOLOGIES"
>go back to R&D, tell them I'll give them one AI for some technology, completely hamming up the Trader persona
>"Is very good deal! Excellent deal!!"
>Sec overhears this and tries to capture me for stealing the AI
>escape out of an air lock, start asking for offers for me to return the AI
>suddenly, radiation storm immenent
>almost make it to a maint tunnel in time, but collapse a few tiles away and die
>Captain takes my brain and turns me into a third AI whose lawset is basically just "Don't harm anyone" and "The AI you kidnapped is now your best friend. Do everything you can to support and encourage them"

Also a random funny tidbit: I checked the AI's laws at some point and it had an additional fourth law that specifically said not to let any unauthorized people into the AI core, but all I did to get it to let me in was ask it to go on an adventure with me.

Well sure. It authorised you.

> Botanist.
> Suicide.
> Do you want to play syndicate cyborg?
> Why not.
> "Do I kill the AI?"
> Wait.
> Wait, no.
> I couldn't.
> I couldn't have.
> I've just asked this over silicon channel.
> AI warns the heads, bolts and depowers the sat.
> We manage to nuke the station and greentext anyway.
> Admins make my incredibly dumb question a message of the day.
> Fuck.

This is the second I time I end up in MOTD, by the way.

> ops
>be engineer
>do engineer shit
>Viro makes godlike healing virus
> OPS
> they take out comms almost right away
>shit is going insanse
>try to go to RnD to see if there are guns
>there are giant holes everywhere
>suddenly op
>sax around until wild scientist appears
>jokes on you, science has guns
>scientist gets rekt
>op gets back to me
>get hit into crit three times, but healing virus is OP
>third time into crit, op ignores me and finishes off scientist
>get back up
>pick up random laser gun
>blast op into oblivion
>try to save scientist
>op blows up with a macrobomb like a little scrub he is
>we all die
>ops win

First time I killed an op

Someone really needs to greentext out that nuke ops round from last night where they got stuck in the AI satellite for 30 minutes instead of getting the unsecured disk, one died because he forgot to set internals, and one kept using C4 to open doors instead of the emag he had.

Another story:
>start round as Mime Rev head
>think that hanging out in the med bay is a good way to recruit people
>flash every doctor
>eventually an implanted assistant realizes I'm flashing people and starts attacking me
>doctors just stand there doing nothing except occasionally pulling him off of me
>after a couple minutes of back and forth fighting they finally start attacking him
>later in the round
>HoP comes to med bay to arrest one of the revs
>all the doctors are there so I figure this is a perfect opportunity to take him out
>start disarming him
>he doesn't get knocked down and tasers me
>doctors do nothing
>he starts dragging me off to cargo
>doctors do nothing
>get beaten to death
>watch the doctors as a ghost
>for the entire rest of the round they do nothing but sit in the med bay actually doing their job and healing everyone that comes in

AngryTurnip wrote:Another story:
>start round as Mime Rev head
>think that hanging out in the med bay is a good way to recruit people
>flash every doctor
>eventually an implanted assistant realizes I'm flashing people and starts attacking me
>doctors just stand there doing nothing except occasionally pulling him off of me
>after a couple minutes of back and forth fighting they finally start attacking him
>later in the round
>HoP comes to med bay to arrest one of the revs
>all the doctors are there so I figure this is a perfect opportunity to take him out
>start disarming him
>he doesn't get knocked down and tasers me
>doctors do nothing
>he starts dragging me off to cargo
>doctors do nothing
>get beaten to death
>watch the doctors as a ghost
>for the entire rest of the round they do nothing but sit in the med bay actually doing their job and healing everyone that comes in

Oh god, I was a doctor that round. While you getting beaten up, I was turned into a revhead. HoP had a taser and a stunbaton, so I thought that fleeing was the better option. The other doctors did nothing though. After you got implanted, half the remaining revs suicided like little shits.

I managed to flash a couple of people before nearly the entire station was implanted. It was my first time as revhead too. The revs were incompetent, and I got swarmed by a squad of implanted dudes. I managed to sax amazingly, but they eventually got me. I only didn't help you because I was another Revhead, and so I thought I would get killed too. I saxxed out of medbay as fast as I could.

Venticular wrote:Oh god, I was a doctor that round. While you getting beaten up, I was turned into a revhead. HoP had a taser and a stunbaton, so I thought that fleeing was the better option. The other doctors did nothing though. After you got implanted, half the remaining revs suicided like little shits.

I managed to flash a couple of people before nearly the entire station was implanted. It was my first time as revhead too. The revs were incompetent, and I got swarmed by a squad of implanted dudes. I managed to sax amazingly, but they eventually got me. I only didn't help you because I was another Revhead, and so I thought I would get killed too. I saxxed out of medbay as fast as I could.

I didn't get implanted. I got dragged to cargo, and got kicked to death by the circle of staff heads/cargo techs standing around me. Also, your reason for helping was understandable, but the normal revs who just let the HoP drag me away without so much as a disarm attempt against him was so frustrating. Especially since I couldn't tell them off because I was a mime. I know I could have broken silence, but I prefer not to. Also, something I didn't mention was that when that assistant came and started trying to kill me, while they were healing me, they were also healing him the entire time.

>Assistant on efficiency
>give pun pun a paper meme hat that says "is a lizard is cool"
>hos thomas is filling in for hop, ask for all access
>tells me to suicide without dying first
>go to chaplain
>retard chose god hand (cant fucking stun people why would you choose it jesus fuck)
>pray
>jesus wants a happy meal
>chef is afk, make one myself
>lawyer tries to steal the burger, takes 1 bite
>space his briefcase and hide in maint after grabbing burger back
>do altar
>medbay has exploded by the way
>jesus gives sord, but takes a bite out of me as punishment for lawyer bullshit
>steal milk from kitchen to heal
>turns out admins gave chappy a shell in tc trade like thats fair
>wraith teleports in and murderbones me 4 no raisin
>convince jesus to help me out again
>make mcdouble with ketchup and rice
>look for thomas to suicide with
>brig is overrun by meme constructs
>jugger is cool others didnt see me
>suddenly wraith murderboner gg no re
>right before I die do sord suicide
>get made into an arti
>the jugger was actually thomas
>gonna get my fuckin all access
>jugger says they can't

I was on the /vg/ server and went into R&D to get myself and someone else a bag of holding. I went to the bar to wait for him and at some point I wanted to get something out of my bag. I wasn't paying attention to which hand was active and made a baguloth, resulting in total destruction of the station.

> Botanist
> Nope!
> Suicide.
> It's fluke ops.
> Do you want to be an operative Bryce Pax?
> Yex, I do!
> Can't find my uplink anywhere, and people seem to be pissed at me for some reason. Explain the situation.
> Eventually we managed to find Bryce's uplink (with 60 TCs on it, which must have been naturally caused by some glorftastic shenanigans)
> Everyone is donating. I've remembered several previous rounds with completely incompetent leadership, meditate on the fact that I really don't want to donate. I want to go stealth anyway.
> But I don't want to be a complete jackass. Tell you what, I'll be donating HALF of my TCs and keep the rest.
> They call me a jackass anyway. Eh, sticks and stones, sticks and stones.
> Convince the most sane operative, a lizard (oh bizzaro, bizzaro world) to do a plastic surgery on me, buy some stealth op gear.
> The ops get over their anger at not donating all of my TCs, we manage to work out a plan - I go first and scout.
> By the way, we wasted so much time on planning and bickering and buying gear, it's 30 minute into the round. And judging my the radio, the crew already has healing virus.
> Dock near the arrivals, in the science maint, hide my gear. By the way, did you know that nuke op jetpack fits into your backpack? It really shouldn't.
> Another stealth op releases fungal memeculosis on the station, while I'm trying to find the captain.
> It's not that hard - he's currently in medbay, trying to get a healing virus. Report that to the nukes.
> Now in the bar... On the bridge... Back to medbay...
> He's going to engineering, now's my chance!
> Get an SMG, he sees and and grabs his weapon, but I shoot him into crit and drag him into maint.
> "HELP, ATMOS MAINT"
> How in the name of fuck...
> Oh, fucking healing virus.
> Unload the whole clip into him, make sure he's dead.
> A borg comes to the maint the very next fucking second, how in the name of fuck was he just passing through. Luckily, it's a SERVICE borg, and he can only flash me. Which he does. A dozen times.
> I do manage to grab the disk from captain's box and make a run for it. A whole lynch mob runs at me, but the captain never screamed my name, so they don't know it's ME who they should be lynching.
> They run past me, while I recover my gear and report nuclear disk being in my possession. The ops are dumbfounded, but soon drag the bomb to the northern solars. Honestly, I would have preferred literally any other place. Like science maint. Or atmos. Or engineering. Or arrivals.
> Insert the disk, input the code, try to anchor the bomb, but you can't really do it on solars. I emag the airlocks and struggle with space wind to try and push the bomb inside, but so far space wind proves stronger.
> I fumble around 15 seconds or so, and the space wind has pushed both me and the bomb our three times so far.
> Someone in a hardsuit jetpacks to us.
> It's not nuke op hardsuit, it's SEC hardsuit!
> IT'S FUCKING JC DENTON
> JC, A BOMB
> Before we manage to even comprehend what happened, he grabs the bomb and drags it away.
> We try to chase him, but fail.
> Nuke ops blame me for this situation, despite the fact that one of us died and literally gave the jetpack to JC, and it certainly wasn't me. Also, there were four of us on the solar, I say you also carry some blame!
> Nukes fall into defeatist mood, but I have a new plan. We can still recover the disk - then use on-station bomb. We can emag the communcation console to ask Centcomm for the code.
> First, recover the disk.
> Judging by the radio, majority of the station crew, including some security members, still don't know it's nukes.
> It's somewhere in the brig. Whether or not JC spaced the bomb, the sec must have recovered the disk.
> The pinpointer points at HoS.
> HoS sees me and gets REALLY suspicious all of sudden. He grabs his personal gun set on "tase"...
> Nice try, but I'm too quick on the draw. I shoot him first.
> Detective runs to HoS's aid, I manage to shoot him a few times, but soon HoS recovers, stands up and tases me.
> Harmbatoned.
> Explode.
> The nukes blame ME.

InsaneHyena wrote:fury

tbh a botanist who commits suicide roundstart deserves what they get if there was a cook
if there was no no cook then you're good

Xhuis wrote:

InsaneHyena wrote:fury

tbh a botanist who commits suicide roundstart deserves what they get if there was a cook
if there was no no cook then you're good

Well, the thing is, the cook is basically useless as of now.

Hunger takes more than an hour to take effect, which is longer than an average round is.
So, right now, the cook's only usefulness right now is for gibbing shadowlings and revheads and shit. Honestly he should have been fine either way.

Hunger really needs to be buffed

>Asteroid station
>decide to drone meme
>do some botany, shuttle docks, doesn't leave because it's the longest rev round in existance
>I know, I'll make a cool chute from the arrivals shuttle to the escape shuttle!
>get rpd
>round ends

ok ok ok

>asteroid station again
>drone again
>decide to try and find the white ship on my way to the station from the derelict
>lost literally for the entire round in space
>arrive as the shuttle docks and leaves
>get 3 pipes down

ok fine next time no fucking around in space alright

>asteroid station fucking again (what the fuck people fix your fucking preferences)
>drone again
>make it to the station, make good progress on pipe chute, actually make it all the way down central hallway
>pull up a few tiles
>beaten to death by the chaplain
>"HURR WE NEED THOSE ON THE GROUND DESPERATELY I'M PRETTY SURE YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO REPLACE THEM ONLY WAY TO LEARN IS TO DIE"
>mountain of salt
>respawn as another drone
>make it back to station
>instantly fireballed by wizard

What triggers me is that there's four shakers missing in the bottom row.

>decide to try and find the white ship on my way to the station from the derelict
>lost literally for the entire round in space

How on Earth did you manage this?