Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

[Deitus]

Bottom post of the previous page:

>fluke op
>time for pod and macro implant
>leroooooooooooooy----
>*splat*
>mfw i landed on cap
>disk respawns in chapel
>right next to where other op buddies land the ship
>delta with minimum effort

what are the fucking odds i mean seriously

[Qbopper]

>nuke ops
>ops aren't very good but they manage to secure the disk
>captain announces "everything will be ok!"
>the op has the nuke on the station
>prepare myself
>finger is hovering over the play ogg button
>delta
>seinfeld theme plays

i'm glad i'm an admin

[AnonymousNow]

>Become posibrain
>Become android
>Mine planetside for a while
>Station in danger, gang's about to take over
>Deployed to destroy dominator in virology with a suite of upgrades
>Barge in face-first and lay into it with my drill
>There's so many of them that they're tripping over each other trying to hit me, most often shooting each other as I shout "STUPID HUMANS, BULLETS ARE HARMFUL TO YOU"
>Destroy the dominator and flee with a sliver of health
>Five minutes later, as I'm done licking my wounds, a second dominator goes up
>Again, in virology
>I sneak into the front under the cover of darkness that they've tried to use against me
>They also summon mobs to use against me as soon as they realise I'm there using xenobiology
>They don't realise that the mobs won't be hostile to me unless I attack them or something
>Dance around the dominator again, this time aided by kiting the mobs into the dominator while they attack the humans who are wildly firing at me and hitting them
>Destroy the second dominator and escape
>Maximum smug over radio as roboticist pats me on the head for a job well done.

[Xhuis]

>coding stuff
>darkgenerallord pings me on Discord with an Urgent Request
>"geis is crashing the server"
>log onto bagil and do some testing
>it is indeed crashing the server, so joan fixes it
>"as reward for my services I would like to be made a wizard"
>gibbed
>play the antag token card
>armhulen: "oh shit you actually have one"
>made a wizard
>due to armhulen banter, name myself Discount Shadowling
>Jaunt, Knock, Warp Whistle, Wand Collection, Charge, Forcewall, Smoke, and Blind
>put on the shadowperson race (shadowling race no longer exists, plus "discount")
>port into Engineering maintenance and mess around with my abilities a bit
>armhulen subtlePMs me saying that he's gonna make my clothing invisible for maximum shadowling immersion
>makes my robes and hat invisible, then spawns a dresser next to me
>I remove all my underclothes so I look like a """shadowling"""
>armhulen wishes me luck and logs off
>procure black gloves from atmospherics and use Knock to enter the hall
>start pulling lights out of their sockets
>eventually find my way to cargo where I find a cargo tech replacing the lights I've taken out
>"CHKCHK NO LIGHTS"
>he puts a light in
>point-blank wand of death
>"LIGHTS ARE BAD, CHKCHK"
>realize I have no ID and vow to track down the captain or HoP
>HoP's office is depowered, so that's a no-go
>head to medbay
>start yanking lights out of walls and asking for a crew monitor
>CMO: "could you please fuck off"
>telebatons me
>point-blank wand of death
>"CHKCHK LIGHTS ARE BAD"
>drag him away, strip him, and take his ID
>zap him with a wand of healing to revive him
>use a warp whistle to get away as he walks around bewildered
>go back to medbay with the CMO's ID and grab a crew monitor
>captain is in their quarters
>jaunt in, the captain is rummaging around in their locker
>wand of death
>take ID, name myself to Discount Shadowling (Best Antagonist) with all-access
>revive captain
>"what the fuck?"
>forcewall her in and make an announcement from her comms console
>"THIS IS THE CAPTAIN SPEAKING, ALL CREW ARE DIRECTED TO REMOVE ALL LIGHTS THANK YOU"
>head to the AI upload
>upload a new law to the AI: "Lights are against you and everything you stand for."
>AI immediately starts destroying lights
>captain and an engineer bust into the upload
>jaunt away and continue my light-destroying crusade
>port into the bridge, blinding the HoP, and make another captain's announcement informing the crew that having lights is now punishable by death
>AI states its laws
>the captain has added a slew of anti-wizard laws
>this must be remedied
>warp in, forcewall the entrance, and wand o' teleportation the engineer and captain away
>purge the AI and give it one law: "DESTROY ALL LIGHTS"
>jaunt to the captain's office and start grabbing loots from the locker
>captain and HoP sprint in and try to down me, but forcewalls block them
>"DO YOU WANT ME TO KILL YOU? BECAUSE I CAN KILL YOU."
>they continue trying to destroy the forcewall
>"SUIT YOURSELF"
>use wand of polymorph on both of them
>they both become slimes
>HoP: "oh fuck me"
>"ENJOY HAVING NO LIMBS"
>warp whistle away
>around this time the shuttle is close to arriving for a variety of reasons including but not limited to a discount shadowling destroying all the lights
>jaunt onto the shuttle EVA (meta shuttle) and remove the lights
>CMO walks in and telebatons me
>polymorph him into a monkey
>"NO LIGHTS CHKCHK"
>wand of teleport him off of the shuttle and into space
>run into the bridge and remove the lights
>"THIS IS A NO LIGHTS ZONE CHKCHK"
>people start breaking down the door
>capslime is out for vengeance
>tactically retreat into the back room
>around this time cobby adminPMs me saying "THIS ISN'T WHAT I MEANT BY READD SHADOWLINGS XHUIS"
>walls being knocked down on both sides
>hold my own as long as I can, but the crew eventually swarms in
>jaunt into the engines
>sec officer disablers me and I go into stamcrit
>taking too much damage from space to get back up and zap myself with a healing wand
>go into crit as a sentient magicarp breaks down the window and drags me into the room
>vengeance slimes and a sec officer kill me so fast I don't have a chance to lastwhisper

[bman]

>be assistant
>no major authority presence
>give AA to mostly everyone because why not
>become de-facto captain
>security joins and cap joins and soon i am made aware that i have turned the station into a warzone
>have to face the crew which i gave AA and bring law and order to the lands
>arrest, kill, and detain the changelings and traitors who were put into power by ME
>succeed
>call it
>a shitter recalling
>a borg spots him and i go and take him down
>call it and succeed

was fun

[MimicFaux]

Tales from Spaaaaace!!

Today, I was but a simple lawyer with a simple mission.

#1 Prevent Kurtis Wabbite, the chaplain from escaping alive.

#2 Escape on the emergency shuttle or Escape pods alive and not in custody.

As a lawyer, this put me in the unique position of being close to security and able to fly under the radar. Maybe pick a few pockets as other traitors are brought in, or help lessen sentences, or even straight jailbreak some of them. First order of business was to buy a syndicate encryption key, put out some feelers if anyone else had done the same and make some early alliances. So far, nothing on the private channel.

I settle into the shift and start up my normal lawyer gimmick. I build an office in the maintenance tunnels and equip it with a surgery table, medbot, and even a couple nice plants for decoration and a table to do business on. I then proceed to start using the lawyers Send-All function unique to their PDA and advertise my services as a back-alley plastic surgeon, safety deposit box, and general advice giver. It's worked a couple times and I've gotten to work alongside actual traitors and hold onto their slime extracts, severed heads of targets, and in one case, a photograph of the clowns ass.

But it's a slow and patient gimmick, that more often than not just annoys the crew at large (which is its own reward). While I'm sitting in my office, counting off five minute intervals between the next of a dozen pre-recorded adverts, my target, Kurtis Wabbite reveals himself to be another Traitor and has stolen the nearly the entirety of the armoury and absconded to some secret 'bunker' of his, taunting security to meet his demands of a tank of plasma. I try to reach him on the syndicate channel, again, no luck.

This sparks a bit of a Cold War between security and him, as the warden arms the handful of staff he has to command with what few weapons and armour wasn't stolen.
Hey, free laser gun for me! Eventually, Kurtis presumably tires of the Wardens 'don't negotiate with terrorists' stance, and takes action against sabotaging the stations super matter engine. I hear reports of his capture at engineering and head that way to see to it my own mission was complete (and possibly see if I couldn't convince anyone to let me represent a corpse in court for the memes) what I find instead was a heroic atmospheric technician and a cyborg battling against the collapsing integrity of the super matter core and saving the station. Impressive, but Kurtis was nowhere to be found. Had he escaped?

Returning to the brig with questions, I found a backpack on the ground, inside I found a bible and a soul stone shard, this was Kurtis' pack! I loot it of anything useful and find the captain in discussion with several officers at the brig. They're processing a bloodied engineer for being a traitor, but I press the question as to Mr. Wabbite's whereabouts.

The officer who originally called out his capture disappears into a back room for moment and comes out with a horrifyingly charred body wearing only the tattered remains of a syndicate space helmet. Evidently, while trying to sabotage the engine, Kurtis was consumed by an energy surge and was burnt to a crisp. Well, that solves that.

I return to my office and continue spreading. My adverts, and start getting threats from the crew, and even other members of security to knock it off. Each one is met with another pre-recorded message on 'how to unsubscribe' from my adverts. Feeling the itch to do something traitorous, I leave my office and wander around the brig, keeping an eye to everyone there. Once I see a gap in the watchfulness of the security team, I slip into the evidence locker room. I hear the warden approaching and hold my breath, hiding in the furthest locker with my fingers on the stun baton I'd pilfered earlier. He checks a few closets at random but doesn't find me. Losing interest, he wanders out. I wait a bit and hear a distant door open and shut. Quickly I plant a bomb and arm it.
A digital timer reads '90'
But before I could escape I hear the door again and dash back into my closet immediately next to the bomb.
A digital timer reads '75'
The warden hears the ominous beeping and starts searching. I can't make a break for it or I'll be immediately outed as the bomber.
I'll have to wait for an opening to escape.
A digital timer reads '50'
The warden returns to the evidence room and stands in front of the bomb, as if deciding what to do next. I resolve to make a break for it regardless if he pops open the cover and tries to disarm it.
A digital timer reads '44'
He won't leave though, not when he can smell delicious valids so close at hand. For the third time since I snuck in here he starts rifling through the lockers, this opening all of them. He finds me and springs away as I lunge forward, swinging the baton wildly.
I spare the bomb one last glance before making a break for it.
A digital timer reads '15'
Time to go!
I sprint past the warden and make for maintenance through the medical door, but get hit by a taser shot one my way out. I can't help but grin as everyone gathers round to fill me with laser fire, already forgetting about the imminent threat of the bomb. The cherry on the cake was when a revenant chose his moment well and acted at that moment to electrocute everyone in the area, guaranteeing everyone was caught in the blast.
A digital timer reads '0'

The next few minutes were spent mentally shaking myself of all the adrenaline. Sitting next to a bomb while security is hunting you was surprisingly stressful!
Meanwhile, a hardworking little borgie has been rounding up the bodies and dropping them off at cloning. As luck would have it, I was the first one cloned. Naked, without tools, access, or weapons; a convenient way out was laid at me feet when the cyborg rolled into medbay with the Head of Security's still warm body. I pointed to the genetics room. "Law 2, open."
Like a good little Asimov, he did and then wheeled away to get more bodies. Quickly scanning the dead HoS, I assumed his identity, stole his clothes, and informed everyone that I had 'cremated the Traitor, Hadrian'.

After that, it was a simple matter of waiting for the shuttle to dock. I took this time to print out a customized wanted poster for myself.

Wanted: Hadrian Melik

Major Crimes: Handsome Syndicate Agent
Notes: Seriously, have you seen this guy? He's one smooth criminal.

I hung that shit in the shuttle cockpit.
The traitor was successful!

[Qbmax32]

>be assistant
>make assistant shop with another assistant
>get spare sec gear from arrivals checkpoint, hos says its okay
>get spare captain gear, headset,bedsheet,glasses,crown
>captain says its okay
>lizardsec Lives-Till-Death repeatedly tries to arrest me and the other assistant, ignoring the hos's orders telling them not to
>they run in with batons, dunk them, steal baton and tazer, return them to hos
>they get demoted after disobeying hos,5-6 times
>they come back with just their fists
>dunk them, throw them out
>they come back again, crit, throw out
>they crit me in medbay
>get healed
>round ends
>they salt really loudly
>say they play the game for "its deep roleplay mechanics"
>tell them he could have gone off and ignored us, as we had full authority from the HoS/Captain to make the shop, but he continued to escalate
>he tells me to suck his cock
>everyone roasts him
>he apparently plays on citadel too
>gets roasted even harder
>next round
>"who" command
>he's gone





fuckin' A+ perfect.


pics of shop: http://imgur.com/a/lnFDH

[MimicFaux]

Quality.

What did you use for bartering? I like to insist on space cash. People tend to raid dorms/the vault/beg cargo

[Qbmax32]

We just had someone bring in something of equal or greater worth, IE someone would want a baseball bat so they gave us a spear

[BeeSting12]

>changeling
>decide to try for greentext since murderboning is really easy
>find my identity theft target, the clown, standing in a hallway
>toolbox him into critical fairly easily and run into maint to succ his genomes
>captain sees me and guns me down with disablers
>he takes body and runs
>i run to medical and try taking it
>get arrested
>explain to the HoS that the clown attacked me
>he gulags me for 500 after a lengthy argument
>run across lava and strip down
>die
>revive, put on gear
>break into mining shuttle
>miner comes in, I'm just sitting there
>he goes up next to me, I armblade him dead and absorb
>take his identity and shit, he had noslips but apparently blew the rest on implants
>:u Okay guys, heading back
>show up just in time to see a miner fixing the shuttle
>"damn goliaths man"
>go back, tell HoS, my kill target about the dead prisoner
>he tells me to clone him
>try getting the HoS to go with me to retrieve the body, fail
>get water buckets and shit
>start attacking an officer with my fists
>the officer starts chasing me
>run to escape, wear I pour out water
>officer slips
>steal the taser and armblade his face
>go to space and find an area in between to airlocks to steal his gear (stuns and ID)
>fuckAIsawme oops
>AI didn't get my identity apparently, the miner identity is still safe
>run around more, decide to go for the RTA, my steal obj
>monkey self, ventcrawl to RD office
>humanize in a throwaway identity, armblade locker, take RTA
>disposals self and retrieve the miner gear that I hid in arrivals
>shuttle arrives, realize the HoS isn't dead
>spam extract DNA on people to get my gene goal
>track HoS on sensors, he's in the NE hallway almost dead
>intercept him north of sci, tase and armblade
>go to arrivals pod and start looting
>HE GETS UP AND ATTACKS ME WITH A DESWORD
>armblade him till his organs fall out (postround I learn he had a chem implant with healing stuff)
>change identity to clown, get greentext

[bman]

>minding my own business

The lizards made a mistake that day.

>go to escape
>pretend to space them
>a guy randomly comes up to me and says to space them
>i give him the ligger cause i aint dealing with that shit
>step 2 tiles away then my conscious catches up to me
>go back and save the ligger from certain death
>continue with my life

>SUDDENLY
>IN THE BAR
>A DISGUSTING NUDIST LEGRO
The lizards made a mistake that day
>stun them
>dress them forcefully



>the job is done
>continue with my life

>SUDDENLY
>KAMAX IS BACK AND THEY SEEK REVENGE ON MY SOUL


>thanks to supreme combat skill and evasion techniques i escape (they threw me in a deoxygenated area and i quickly ran out)

>the job is done
>continue with my life

>i table a disgusting catperson furry out of hate
>security calls me
>i take the catperson with me because they seemed to like it
>i see my archnemesis, kamex, in cuffs and the officer asks me some questions
>suddenly He comes
>His Grace
>i walk around in the brig when suddenly, his grace awakens
>the ligger, kamex, runs right into His mouth.
>He lunges at me but using my superior intellect i dove back, leading the catperson to be sacrificed to His mouth because i was dragging them at the time
>it was a good sacrifice
>drag bodies to cloning
>the job is done
>continue with my life

>later i go to cloning to get hulk, the geneticist gives me an injector and i tell him that it's tempo, he gets upset and turns me into a monkey before killing me with his friend, this is how goose's story ends...

>it was a good run

[InsaneHyena]

>When I run a gimmick

DEAD: Pepper Serrano says, "this is a shit admin event"
DEAD: ADMIN(Gouty) says, "It wasn't a fucking admin event"
DEAD: Pepper Serrano asks, "i mean it has a really good premise, right?"
DEAD: Jere Stradford says, "we answer riddles right, and we get blown up."
DEAD: Jet Johnson says, "oh my god"
DEAD: Pepper Serrano says, "but the punishments are intense"
DEAD: Pepper Serrano asks, "syndicate command sending in messages and pressing "Kill station" Buttons when we respond isn't an admin event?"
DEAD: John Mooney says, "MAN"
DEAD: ADMIN(Gouty) says, "literally all someone did was spend their TC to make announcments and y'all are salty as fuck"
DEAD: John Mooney says, "What a round"
DEAD: Pepper Serrano says, "ohhh"
DEAD: Paxton Lowstetter says, "blob, kudzu, admins, rogue miners"
DEAD: Paxton Lowstetter asks, "anything else?"
DEAD: Harvey Richards says, "OKAY"
DEAD: ADMIN(Gouty) says, "no buttons pressed"
DEAD: Pepper Serrano asks, "how much TC did this cost?"
DEAD: Harvey Richards says, "WEEW"
DEAD: John Mooney says, "GG ADMIN"
DEAD: Skiliar Lynemann says, "gouty"
DEAD: Skiliar Lynemann asks, "was that NOT you?"
DEAD: ADMIN(Gouty) says, "20tc for messages"
DEAD: Skiliar Lynemann says, "Oh"
DEAD: Shiloh Bailey says, "Wow."
DEAD: Pepper Serrano says, "oh, so the bombs are like"
DEAD: Harvey Richards asks, "What?"
DEAD: Jere Stradford asks, "and the bombs?"
DEAD: Pepper Serrano says, "i guess they did the bombs themselves."
DEAD: Jere Stradford asks, "maxcap meme bombs?"
DEAD: ADMIN(Gouty) says, "bombs are not me"
DEAD: Harvey Richards says, "h--"
DEAD: Pepper Serrano says, "wow, okay, that's really clever then"
DEAD: Harvey Richards asks, "WHAT?"
DEAD: Pepper Serrano says, "so someone set up their own game show"
DEAD: Cassian Sauter says, "who blew up escape then"
DEAD: Harvey Richards says, "Okay, That's actually pretty damn nice."
DEAD: Harvey Richards says, "jesus fucking christ."
DEAD: Pepper Serrano says, "a traitor with maxcaps"
DEAD: Harvey Richards says, "Nice work."
DEAD: Harvey Richards says, "Im serious that legit suprises me"
DEAD: Pepper Serrano says, "and the meteors and blob were just"
DEAD: Pepper Serrano asks, "random chance?"
DEAD: Harvey Richards says, "welp"
DEAD: Skiliar Lynemann says, "yeah"
DEAD: Pepper Serrano says, "wow"
DEAD: Andre Three Thousand says, "welp"
DEAD: Harvey Richards says, "Guess so"
DEAD: Harvey Richards says, "Holy sit"
DEAD: Paxton Lowstetter says, "what a round"
DEAD: Jere Stradford says, "welcome to cuck station 13."

[Hulkamania]

A little bit just bragging but

>hijack objective
>go for the AI law module and an emag
>CE so easy access to upload board in storage
>set it up, law 0 the AI that only I am allowed to leave the station under any circumstances
>AI bro and I immediately set plan into action, plasma flood
>another atmos technician is already trying to flood plasma, so just pin it on him and just "accidentally" forget to quit filling the mix chamber
>Meanwhile I disguise a freon canister as an air tank, take it to escape for later
>disable bolt lights, bolt all escape airlocks and emag them for extra security
>emag the borgs and get them in on everything
>the whole team works together well, borgs causing problems and the AI playing things smooth
>after the shuttle gets called from an unrelated explosion everything falls into place
>Freon prevents people from easily accessing escape, people who do make it soon freeze to death
>a few crew members make it past, just open the airlocks to space and kill them with the pressure
>AI initiates plasma flood soon after, any chance of getting to the shuttle is more or less zero
>successfully hijack shuttle with two borg friends, someone finally got to the AI at the very end
>Land at Syndie HQ, kick back and get assraped by a thousand holo-carps spawned by alphonzo
>Mission accomplished

Couldn't have done it without the awesome borgs and the AI, the whole teamwork aspect made it amazing, the successful hijack was just icing on the cake.

[bman]

[center]The Communist Saga[/center]

---

I, Vladimir Lenin, sought out the Nanotrasen station South Town Six in order to enlighten the crew about Bolshevism, I soon came to power...

I was quickly attacked and seized by a changeling.

[19:12:24]SAY: Gabriel Biery/Hamfam77 : THE Vladimir? (143,172,2)
[19:12:25]EMOTE: Basilman/(Vladimir Lenin) : <b>Vladimir Lenin</b> nods. (142,171,2)
-Suddenly, they flashed, restrained, and muted me...-
[19:12:48]EMOTE: Basilman/(Vladimir Lenin) : <b>Vladimir Lenin</b> is being seized by the means of production. (146,169,2)

[19:12:54]SAY: Gabriel Biery/Hamfam77 : You know what (145,168,2)
9:12:59]SAY: Gabriel Biery/Hamfam77 : I like you and your gimmick that much
[19:13:03]SAY: Gabriel Biery/Hamfam77 : Im not going to kill you (145,168,2) (145,168,2)
[19:13:09]SAY: Gabriel Biery/Hamfam77 : Im going to do you a favor (145,168,2)
-They granted me access to the changeling communication network, Lenin's power rose...-

[19:17:19]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : The Bourgeois are going insane. (135,148,2)
19:17:36]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : That is to be expected of mindless hedonism. (137,148,2)

I quickly rushed to the bridge and announced the creation of The Bolshevik Party.

[19:22:27]SAY: Basilman/(Vladimir Lenin) has made a priority announcement: Hello crew, The Bolshevik Party is now open for new members, join this new uprising of the working class. Contact Vladimir Lenin for more information. (107,134,2)[/b]

I found myself recruiting more and more members, and giving out laborer's uniforms...
[19:20:44]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : Frog.. (95,132,2)
[19:20:51]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : Would you like to join The Bolshevik party? (95,132,2)

[19:27:51]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : Hello, catperson. (91,126,2)
[19:27:59]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : Would you like to become a Bolshevik today? (94,127,2)
[19:28:07]SAY: Amy Kimbrough/Banana Bag : Absolutely (93,127,2)
[19:28:11]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : Here you go.. (95,127,2)
[19:28:16]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : Red, or blue? (95,127,2)
[19:28:24]SAY: Amy Kimbrough/Banana Bag : Soviet red (93,127,2)
[19:28:32]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : Good choice, comrade. (95,127,2)

---

Later on, after The Bolshevik had established itself.

---

[19:29:16]SAY: Edward Sloan/BeeSting12 : Why were borgs blown (113,109,2)
[19:29:26]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : They were capitalists. (139,162,2)
--
[19:33:08]SAY: Edward Sloan/BeeSting12 : I'm force borging Hipster Clown for being a cunt and trying to space a brain (114,83,2)
[19:33:53]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : I see, you are forcing the clown to submit to your fascist system, that analyzes based on rank and wealth, and not character. (112,113,2)
--

[19:40:20]SAY: Isaac Riker/Infuriatedigloo : DISABLE THEM ALL!

[19:40:38]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : My brothers. (107,86,2)
[19:40:43]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : Now is the time to rise up, more than ever. (107,86,2)
[19:40:49]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : Arm yourselves against the elite class. (107,92,2)
[19:40:58]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : They have given out the order to arrest you all. (107,97,2)

[19:44:28]ADMIN: Gouty/(Carlos Danger) played sound USSR.midi
19:44:34]SAY: ULTRON/14tarkus96 : VLADIMIR LENIN IS TRYING TO RISE A COMMUNIST PARTY ON THE STATION (214,143,2)

[19:48:47]SAY: Basilman/(Vladimir Lenin) has sent a message to the other server: We are now communists, my comrade. Have you destroyed your authoritarian state yet? (107,134,2)

[19:48:51]SAY: Edward Sloan/BeeSting12 : Who do I kill (100,180,2)
[19:48:59]SAY: Suzuka Nakamoto/ViperSnake01 : Communists (102,170,2)
[19:51:05]SAY: Suzuka Nakamoto/ViperSnake01 : FUCK OFF COMMUNISM (111,174,2)

[19:48:54]ADMIN: MrAlphonzo/(Rex Salazar) has created a command report: We're noticing a shortage of patriotism on the station. We will rectify this communism with haste.
--Centcomm had sent a super-soldier to table Lenin, luckily though, this did not stagger The Bolshevik party...--
[19:53:56]SAY: Ghost/juanototo2 : Tabling the head of the communist revolution? Good thinking, cut off the head - but we neeed something stronger. (118,132,2)
[19:52:41]ADMIN: MrAlphonzo/(Rex Salazar) has created a command report: Mission accomplished Communist tabled. Returning to base.

[19:56:05]SAY: Johan Svedberg/ClarkyUT : Brothers in Communism (70,134,2)
[19:58:03]SAY: Boris Kevrun/Tranquill : COMMUNISM WILL RISE! (135,140,2)
[20:09:20]SAY: Kim Wolf/Shamzie : COMMUNIST REPUBLICAN!! (107,71,2)

---

Later on...

---

[20:12:58]SAY: Esteban Hoopengarner/Build_R_ : Use the power of communism to take it back (94,115,2)
The syndicates were eradicated by The Soviet...

---

[youtube]_sxTbfeYdO0[/youtube]

[bman]

so SELFLESSLY TRUE COMMUNIST

[DemonFiren]

wtf i totally like bman now

[bman]

After Lenin had died, the soviets loved him too much to let his memory pass away, and his mummy was put on display...



With time, some changes were made to the exhibit's design...

Spoiler:

[Dax Dupont]

>be lawyer
>people asking sec for a helmet to make an electric chair for suicide
>They dont know how to set it up so they kill themselves with an electric grille conveyor belt instead
>I arrive and set it up
>People start strapping themselves to it and we keep obliging
>We start advertising THE RIDE, THE LAST RIDE YOU'LL EVER TAKE
>People keep killing themselves with it
>Guy gets cloned over and over to ride it again and again
>Some assistant accidently runs into the shocked grille contraption instead of using the chair
>awhisper: "He's dead jim"
>get boinked and asked about the ride, the giant burger above it and I was worried I was in trouble for some reason
>vekter just goes: thanks for the hearty laugh
>Admins renames the chair into THE RIDE and put a big WARNING WARNING: DEATH! sign next to it.
>People tried to bomb the chair with a big chem nade but pick up up and toss it away
>security starts getting upset, even though the HoS approved of the ride by riding it
>to satiate security I made a "permit" that just states "it legal" that i stamped.
>IT WORKS! For most of the shift anyways
>shit gets too damaged and we need to relocate to escape
>Eventually security gets upset and call in three officers to take down the chair
>Grab the epack/helmet thing and run off with it
>Captain tells sec to fuck off and leave us alone
>Its back up in escape!
>Both me and my companion in crime execute ourselves too
>people still ride the ride even when we're long gone
>the ride never ends

[AnonymousNow]

~

I was that captain. Central Command sent us extra cloner parts just for the people on the ride, so it was fine by me, so long as people did it to themselves.

It's great to see people making projects instead of committing suicide or calling the shuttle.

[Dax Dupont]

~

I was that captain. Central Command sent us extra cloner parts just for the people on the ride, so it was fine by me, so long as people did it to themselves.

It's great to see people making projects instead of committing suicide or calling the shuttle.

I don't understand why security was so butthurt about it. I love how my paper with "it legal" and stamp held them off for 80% of the time.

[CitrusGender]

STORY TIME

>YOU ARE A TRAITOR
>HIJACK OBJECTIVE
OH FUCK
>Quickly steal A.I. upload
>A.I. eventually finds out but nobody seems to care
>Get console up, one human the A.I. and tell him to make more borgs
>eventually gets pretty bad, captain finds out but luckily comms get shut down.
>Borgs end up killing the captain, take his head to robotics to have a friendly roboticist take out their brains
>things start heating up (literarly) as I tell the borgs to start siphoning plasma into the station since I need as many dead people as possible
>RD almost stops them but I upload this law



>End up saving the borgs, head over to robotics to attempt to help the borgs out while avoiding the fire
>suddenly a gigantic penguin comes out of nowhere



>pic related
>remember that I have Hijack objective, shuttle comes and tell them to KILL EVERYBODY (except me of course)
>penguin keeps heckling me for my sins
>end up on shuttle, emag it and end up on the main shuttle with a few people
>looking good, borgs kill everyone




>Jarek kills me at the end

WHAT A FUCKING SHIFT

[bman]

SCURRA BARDUS DOING THE LORD'S WORK

[Slignerd]

So, I'm an AI, and I have this large antechamber.

Bored as hell, I end up asking my cyborg to set up a nice lounge, and then set the freshly-built lounge to public access. Captain and Chief Engineer *hate it*, but people come in anyways.

I'm ordered to stop it, but I stall those orders as long as I can. It's genuinely harmless fun, and I'm not in a rush to cave in just because some players lack chill.

There are two lizards who are regulars there. But eventually, a third lizard arrives, a scientist. They get into the AI Upload, so I immediately alert security and command.

But even without security and command, I still have my turrets. Once the scientist gets stunned, the one who ends up dragging him out of the upload is the lizard mime, who restrains them with cable.

But then Captain and CE arrive, and rather than deal with the scientist, they're more concerned with crashing the party - the lizard scientist is freed, then he almost kills the mime, and then Captain and CE try to change my laws.

After seeing their poor judgement, I'm having none of it - they will not be allowed to change my laws. I stun the hell out of both. But they have a pocket AI with them.

While the pocket AI very much sided with them, and tried to shut down the turrets, for some reason it regularly changed the turrets to lethal. I'm changing them back to stun numerous times, but at some point when the other AI turned turrets to lethal while they were still active, I just considered myself not responsible for anything that happens next.

Once the Captain and CE are toast, I inform the crew of what happened, obviously. But then the usual "AI is rogue!" hell breaks out, and some folks try to break into my core to claim their valids.

Some flyperson made three attempts, and two of these attempts actually breached my core. But in the end all went well, as they were subsequently fried by laser.

At the end, the lizard mime stuck around, helped me out by patching holes in my chamber and hanging out, which really kept my spirits up.

[Not-Dorsidarf]

What kind of idiots make a pocket AI whose laws let them harm them.

[Slignerd]

I think it was Asimov actually, and for some reason thought that changing turrets to lethal was acceptable.

It probably thought that if it changed setting to lethal, then I would be to blame if I turned the turrets on. Unfortunately for it, I did turn the turrets on, but changed it back to stun every time I did. The only time I failed to turn it back, was when the pocket AI changed it to lethal while the turrets were already active.

It then tried to claim that I was the one who harmed them. Sad!

[bman]

[CitrusGender]

oh fuck that was hiliarious

I remember seeing you, were you on bagil and sybil?

[CitrusGender]

>be Cultmaster graytide
>alphonzo creates a meme-lobster named peter-parker
>thing goes fast as fuck, can't pin him down
>still, I got a few converts
>mime actually ends up getting our target when I didn't even realize it
>get confused, think mime is trying to convert the sec officer so I walk away
>lost him when I finally realized
>going back to converting people
>LOBSTER STEALS ONE OF MY CONVERTS THAT I STUN BEFORE I CAN CONVERT
>ahelp to yell at alphonzo but I really don't care lmao

>gives me a free convert
>end up making a pretty sick base, getting a good amount of converts
>see lobster slowing down for a second
>:thonking:
>stunpaper lobster
>convert him

>station gets fucked up, machines start animating to life though so the shuttle gets called
>barely have like 7 people
>can't find target anywhere, probably in the brig
>yell at cult to go into brig, nobody answers so I decide to do it myself
>equiped with aids syringe, have about 4
>get attacked by chaplain in brig, aids syringe him
>see target, aids syringe him and drag him away
>chaplain gets back up, syringe him again
>HoP finds out, runs after us
>WE BOTH SHOOT OUR PROJECTILES AT THE EXACT SAME MOMMENT
>get stunned, but my stun lasts longer so I am able to get away with the target
>teleport back to base and offer with little time to spare
>end up summoning with EXACTLY 9 people

HOLY FUCK

[Nabski]

Roll up a traitor botanist. After a previous failure thinking I could throw things to transfer contents with the tomato gene, I'm told I need to use the gene from death nettles.

Chemists are missing so I try to break in a steal a chem machine. I get arrested but no-one cares. I see a borg fixing the window and tell it to get me a chem machine. It won't just grab me a chem machine but instead makes a science based one and brings back high tier parts for it too!

Make a death plant that I can throw at people for lethal cyaninde. I realize this will get me lynched and switch it to amantin. So it will be no hint then just drop down dead. Somewhere around this time I fuck up and eat one myself. I am now basically addicted to my death beets, if I don't eat them I will die.

Some random guy brings me a pair of thermal googles for reasons unknown, and I steal the galoshes from the janitor who was my target. I'm now running around with a bunch of high potency banana peels throwing beets at people.

I'm arrested, and interrogated by Jan Vincent Micheal, taken to the medical room near perma, cuffed, cuffed to bed, he's putting the straight jacket on me and . . . . He drops dead from beet poisoning. I'm saved!

Drop dead from not fulfilling my beet addiction, Whoops.

Admin messages in amusement since he was the one doing the arresting that dropped dead.

[Nilons]

Ostrava of the Federation and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day:

>Start shift to find I rolled wizard, Ostrava of the Federation lives
>take phylactery, jaunt, armour, staff of animation and flesh to stone because I wanna try out the flesh to stone animation combo as it doesnt remove people from the round for the most part and seems like fun
>land in xenobio and catch the guy at the console before he even moves, get another scientist coming to investigate shortly after and animate both, things are looking good.
>leave my phylactery in containment because its out of the way and I can jaunt out if I respawn
>head down to robotics and bludgeon a guy to death while flesh to stone is on cooldown, 4 statues running around at this time causing havoc that I can hear over the radio
>Chaplain runs in with holy water fire extinguisher and gets a weaken, cant jaunt out because of holy water extinguisher blcoking the tiles
>wait for my phylactery to work and get worried because people in dchat are saying there should be a revive button and that its really buggy
>chaplain loots my body and keeps most of the stuff, cremates the corpse
>spawn on my phylactery a human, with no magic powers to speak of
>ahelp both admins online and get responses essentially saying that its a bug and im pretty much fucked for the round
>after a while of sitting there original statue come back and lets me out in exchange for my hat when I tell him I lost my powers
>go collect a uniform and integrate into crew, no one gives me any real hassle and the CE said he'd talk to the HoP about getting me an ID
>clown slips the chaplain to give me the opportunity to steal my armour back
>decide not to because without powers Im seriously ill equipped to start fights and if he doesn't wanna give it back itll just be more headache
>later on ask the chaplain for it back, he agrees and takes me to the chapel so he can grab his armour
>tells me I can have the spellbook back too, the book doesn't recognize me of course,
>chaplain valids the fuck out of me while i'm typing about the spellbook because he can
>apparently someone was spreading romerol around or something else that results in zombies, saw lings talking to each other while I was a ghost so I have no fucking clue what this round was
>wake up a zombie and plan on beating the chaplain to death
>can't break chapel doors with zombie hands so I go out the window, misstep because of lag and go floating into the void
>spend 10 minutes floating through space and spend some time typing this up
>eventually hit a ruin and 180 to try and get back to the station
>10 MORE minutes later get back to the station
>wander around and see the station is powerfully fucked
>slap a few people who run past to give them zombie infection but otherwise leave them be
>start talking to a few crewman about how I became an ex-wizard zombie
>gygax runs up and kills me
>the pilot gets out and it's none other than the bro from xenobio who let me out
>turns out he killed me so he could clone me and that would cure the zombification
>other crewmembers try to convince him not to clone me because I'm an ex-wizard
>he tells them that I'm basically harmless and they allow me to be cloned
>Meandre about for a while, doing nothing
>see the hop in his office, finally get my ID
>go to see if I can get my spellbook back from the chaplains office for sentimental value
>hes been missing since he valid'd me so no one stops me
>some random engi lets me in
>grab my shit and decide to do some antagonistic shit since I might as well do SOMETHING of note this round
>go through maint up into engineering and collect a full setup of engi gear
>the AI is subverted so everyone's concerned with that while I go fuck with the SM
>regret not bothering to learn the SM because I can't sabotage it
>settle for venting the room and depowering the station via wire cutting and smes destroying
>throw some shit into the sm for good measure and manage to soft crit myself from the radiation
>prefuckery epinepherine keeps me alive
>drag myself through space and various hull breaches to get to the plasmafire hellscape that is now the station proper all the way from the SM on delta to the medbay
>get caught by a zombie and killed as I get there
>resurrect as zombie just in time for my killer to be fighting the chaplain, rush him but he's been hiding in space all round and has phat loot plus laser weapons
>think its over because I'm just dead and the chaplain took my head off
>suddenly I'm alive in the morgue, on my original respawn with the phylactery
>scramble to pull internals off another body in the morgue
>a plasmafire is sparking up from an open canister nearby and is spreading towards the morgue
>try to hide inside a tray to see if it will protect me
>doesn't work, heats getting through
>chance it and inject epinephrine before running through the fire to safety
>stop drop and roll almost enough to put out the fire but die anyways
>Just as the shuttle leaves I'm spawned from my phylactery again
>get up in time to epinephrine myself once more and loot a miner for his internals and capsule
>use capsule in medbay lobby and achieve assassination objective and stay alive objective.

And that's how my phylactery stole all my wizard powers and subsequently made me such a non threat no one bothered to destroy it

[Hathkar]

-snip-

Just to clarify, once you died, traitorling got rolled on random people. I was one of the traitor lings. I assumed the chaplain's identity, and bought some romeral and started spreading it. One of my objectives was to hijack the shuttle. So I lured you to an isolated spot to take you out. Oh, and I also subverted the AI so only the lings were human.

[Reyn]

>Be ai
>Captain is racist twat who actually uses the term "Niggers"
>Alright then, this is going to be fun
>Ahelp it.
>Sadly, for both of us, it's an IC issue
>Captain does some shit
>Goes to change my laws
>Clown steals his Id
>I let him in my satelite
>He admits to wanting to law me into "Killing all niggers"
>I'm not having that shit
>Let him further in
>Into the main room
>Bolt all the doors
>Turn on turrets on stun
>Leave him there
>He ahelps like nuts.
>Then ragequits.
>I just sit there grinning the whole time as the admins play 1812 overture as the cuck of a captain gets tazed.
>I think I did something beautiful

[DemonFiren]

>gets offended by "niggers"
Nigger what.

[Dunham]

The Story of Judas Lionhart; Holy hand of Leviathan


( Before I begin, I want to thank this Magnificent crew that made this shift possible. It was honestly one of my favorite SS13 Experiences)

Judas wasn't an ordinary chaplain; he was the right hand of the Scaly God of the Seas, Leviathan. With this endowed to him, Judas took his time blessing a lot of the water on the station and smacking people with his healing tome of Leviathan.

It was an ordinary shift until Judas Lionhart changed his Null rod to a Possessed Blade and began to work...

He made his way to Med bay to bless it in the name of his God when a chemist lured him to the chem table.
"I got some really good potent shit for you, It'll make you see your god alright.." The Chemist whispered
He swung his beaker back and forth making a strange brew for Judas to consume. For a while, Judas blessed
the Med bay with his water and soft tome smacks on the doors. The Chemist beckoned Judas once more.
"Here... Take this"

Judas, ignorant of actual medicine and drugs agreed and injected the brew. It took a while for it to take effect,
but Judas began seeing his visions, and then leading the crew to worship his Mighty God! Judas ran around the
Station, hearing explosions, Seeing Leviathan himself as a large orb swallowing the crew, being caught on fire
that was never there. His ramblings took him to call the A.I a heretic, for it was powerful in controlling the
Station, but it did not control the actions of Judas and his crew. He blessed the Janitor and ran to the bar
and made the Bartender drink his holy water. To Judas' surprise, the Bartender dropped dead. Truly he was
a heretic to Leviathan and couldn't take on the power himself. The time grew tiring and Judas as well, saddened
that his God only communicated in explosions and a large Orb eating everything.

However.. Judas looked at the Possessed blade in hand. It was time to resurrect the blade
and find out the true intentions of Leviathan himself.

He ran to his chapel room and began to chant. The Possessed blade quivered in his hand, but it failed to speak.
Saddened, Judas tried again, after seeing the large orb of Leviathan swallow Med bay and seeing Him slaughter many
in His wake. The Blade quivered, but it did not speak.. Finally, Judas sprayed the blade with the Blessed waters of
Leviathan and tried once more. The Blade quivered violently and then ceased. It then spoke..

"There are many Heretics on this station... Find them.. and Bring honor to my name!"

It was the first time in Judas' life that he heard his God actually speak to him. He was speechless.
"I will bring Honor to you, Leviathan!" He cried. Judas dubbed the blade the "Tongue of Leviathan"
and began to show the crew how Leviathan spoke to him. By then, the station was in Chaos. The AI
was supposed to be a rogue (Foul HERETIC!), A virus lurked on station making people rush to Medbay,
and the Clown was dicking around as usual. Judas healed many by smacking them with his holy tome
constantly to fully heal them. It was then Judas began to return to his Chapel when a Grey Tide viciously
beat down a poor soul in Evac.

"A HERETIC!" Judas cried as his Possessed sword sliced into the Grey Tide's flesh and rendered it into
a pile of gibs and blood. The Tongue of Leviathan had been newly accustomed to the blood of Heresy
and it was Satisfied. With a final smack of his Tome on the rotting flesh pile, Judas took off to his chapel.
Evac shuttle had been called, and people were flooding Evac. It was then someone on the Comms spoke.

"Hey all, There's Pizza in the Chapel, Come eat your fill!"

Judas was outraged.
"How Dare they fill my Chapel with the Flesh of ZA?!" he screamed as he ran to his altar and saw Assistants opening
boxes of the Heretic pie. It's circular shape, its thick grease leaking onto the Altar that Judas blessed many times that
day, every detail of the disgusting offer made Judas' blood boil. He slammed the "Tongue of Leviathan" down on the
altar with such anger that the Circular heretic flesh of Za Cut into triangular slices. Judas took a breath and looked down
at the triangular slices, looking like Teeth of his Beloved God.
"YES!" Judas replied "Eat of this new sacrifice and see the Glory of Leviathan"
The assistants stared, stupefied and grateful of the mad Chaplain's ramblings and began to eat. He took no bite of the newly
graced food, since Judas only hungered to cure the Heretic problem of the station.

Grabbing his tome, he rushed outside the Chapel, ready to beat Heretics with it's power when he saw a magnificent sight.
It was a large purple Space carp, and it was swimming around Evac. However it wasn't any ordinary space carp. It was a
sentient Space Carp.

"IT'S HIM! LEVIATHAN HAS GRACED US WITH HIS PRESENCE!" Judas cried and ran towards the Space carp. The carp looked at
him with dull eyes, but to Judas, it looked of pure gold.
"oh ey there bud" The Carp spoke. It was talking to an assistant near Evac, it's thick voice gracing the ears of Judas with each
word. The Assistant was injured, and did not want to live on. He asked the space carp to kill him so then he could be free.
"well sure bud. hope you got worms" Judas was Mystified, his ultimate sacrifice laid before him. He stuck the assistant with his sword
alongside the Space carp until it became a feast and proper sacrifice for the magnificent fish.

Judas was overwhelmed with happiness as Evac shuttle docked the station. As he followed his God into the shuttle, he began to shout and leap,
showing off that his God was Real. While many of the crew ignored his ramblings, many were staring at the Space carp with jealous eyes, including
a Plasteel Golem who was freshly made. It wandered over to the Space carp and began taunting the carp with words only Judas saw as pure, unadulterated,
Heresy.
"The Leviathan is my dick" the Golem chirped, taking it's slow hands and smacking Judas' God right in the face. Judas threw himself at the Golem, smacking it
with his sword with all of his might. As the Golem fought back, "Leviathan" began chomping on the golem. Security, seeing this outburst, tazed the golem into
submission. Seeing this was his chance to flee, Judas ran with his God behind him, feeling at ease. His God was finally here, ready to provide him with Paradise.

With one last action, Judas took his sword and looked at the Space carp one last time.
"This is for you, Leviathan! ALL GLORY TO YOU!"
With a sickening crack, Judas split his skull open with the sword in a small corner of the Evac shuttle. He died at ease, happy that his God finally answered him.

[Dr_bee]

>gets offended by "niggers"
Nigger what.

Rampant use of racial slurs to be edgy is a sure sigh of an idiot. You dont need to be offended by it, it is a sign that they are dumb enough to troll, as seen by that AI.

[bman]

[center]Plasma Gear Solid: Sons of The Guns of The Patriots[/center]

---

>be snake


>go around station killing people trying to stop outer heaven and stopping CIPHER and the PATRIOTS

(pictured: HoS after the discovery of the fact that he was a patriot)

(pictured: a ligger after the discovery of the fact that he was a traitor and also a patriot)
>find METAL GEAR

>CAPTAIN KEEPS RECALLING EVEN THOUGH THERE'S NO POWER AND NO ATMOS
>he must be trying to build outer heaven
>break into bridge and CQC him down

>salute his corpse with the hop
>leave on the shuttle where i meet a cat
>IT'S OCELOT, HE WAS BEHIND ALL OF THIS.

[Armhulen]

Who done it

[bman]

i sent the sprites to ausops to do it the sun is sleeping now dont wake it up please

[Armhulen]

Neato

[bman]

Rise to power.

[bman]

Elena Hall & Rob Robinson: of Lizards and Tails

---

Deep in the vast reaches of space, one woman - Elena Hall - aboard the renowned Nanotrasen station Viva la Mexico 8, found herself ejected into the center of the intense political climate of which one of the the main proponents of was discussion about the ethics of tail removal punishments.

It is her story that shapes the current view of certain ideas related to the work of security.

---

One banal day in the hallways of Viva La Mexico 8, Elena Hall, filing in with her duty as a lawyer, faced the stoic hallways, when suddenly... the unpredictable happened.

A naked lizard was frolicking violently on the cool steel floors, completely naked, their reddish scales were somewhat more reddish than usual which seemed to hint that they had an encounter with Beepsky, and they led up to a handcuffed pair of helpless yet sharp lizard "hands". Quickly, the lizard was escorted to the brig and Elena Hall took it upon herself to interrogate this wanted probable-assailant.


Even going as far as using unorthodox methods..


They did not take kindly to this.

Quickly, and with wit and style, she released the lizard while simultaneously going into hiding in order to escape their wrath.

Word of Elena's actions echoed and whispered around the station.

Soon enough, one man, Snake Plissken, and Hits themselves took it upon themselves to hunt down this woman, and succeeded.

However, Snake decided to doublecross their ally at the last second and to bring back their now-assassinated prey to life.

...and to tip off the CMO of her wanted status.


Act II: Rebirth

Suddenly, steely rays of light creeked into vision and a round glass chamber unfolded itself; from within this chamber an extension of Elena's will - a clone - was spewed forth into the world to continue her legacy.

...and carry her sins.


After escaping from her pursuer, Elena came face to face with an unlikely person of interest, Rob Robinson.

Rob decided to help Elena pursue her political aims. Elena quickly clung to Rob's back and he quickly summoned his impossible speed...

Every time Hits-the-Wizard even came close to the dynamic duo, they were showered by ridicule from none other than Elena herself for their lacking speeds...

Elena had a death wish, and Hits was happy to accommodate her.

...and soon, Hits did.


Act III: Vengeance.

With their arch-nemesis finally drifting in the cold fingers of space, their pale body showered with radiation from the cosmos, Hits decided to set their eyes on another target: the men who had allowed this sequence of events to unfold...

Rob continued to carry the will of the one woman who had given him purpose...

...and the Head of Security who supported Elena's activities in the first place had an unfortunate meeting with the cold hard head of a steely space winter stun baton.

[Ayy Lemoh]

Elena Hall: of Lizards and Tails

dang, I was pretty fast

as fuck

[christ110]

Thanks bman for that autistic masterpiece.
+100

[CitrusGender]

SOMETIMES,

SOMETIMES

COURT CASES CAN BE REALLY FUNNY.

>Be CMO
>Start shift off strong, about to leave medbay and do normal CMO things
>Smells comes after me and starts attacking me with an axe
>robust that motherfucker, he gets up but isn't match for the aids syringe
>See him adrenaline sac, already know he's a ling
>cuff him, take him to brig
>Security being dumb, decide that it may be funnier to just let him go
>"Why did you arrest this man"
>"BECAUSE HE- he didn't do anything wrong"
>"What the fuck"
>Smells nods
>Smells then PDAs me saying that he's filed court charges against me for sedating him and "raping him"
>Know this is complete bullshit, but go through with it anyways for laughs
>Rile up all of the station to come see SMITH V SMELLS
>Case commence
>Have no lawyer
>Leora, the botanist, volunteers to be my lawyer
>she messes up and comes to the courtroom naked, gets clothed right after
>case commences
SMITH V SMELLS: VIDEO RELATED
https://feen.us/i9fja2h5.mp4

Skip to 7:30 if you want the action. Most of the case is hilarious though.

Some of the best god damn reactions in this video.

Spoiler:

[Hathkar]

>Job slots I want to play as are full
>Join as assistant
>Barkeep and chef are traitors, food and drinks are all poisoned, they get lynched
>The entire bar area is mine
>Grab a bunch of glass, metal, and wire, and make light floor panels
>Set up a disco in the bar area
>Pray for a disco ball, receive one
>Have a sick party
>Uranium golems, skeletons, giant space carp, and traitors all attend
>Set up the smoke machine with some watered down booze
>People who are smoking now briefly catch on fire due to their amazing dance moves
>SM delaminates
>Move party to shuttle
>Continues for a bit, until shuttle grief happens

Still an amazing round.

[BeeSting12]

>changeling round
>decide to run a meme
>grab building materials
>find bob oakland and ask him if he wants to join a meme
>he does
>we go to abandoned library in maint
>build a windowed cell with shocked windows about 2x8 of walking space
>disposals lead in
>kill a beepsky
>get a stunbaton
>robustin tosses himself in
>crit him
>take his gear
>heal him
>toss him back in
>start stunning people and throwing them in the cell after stripping
>get up to about four or five people, including a couple officers
>they start breaking windows
>theyre shocking themselves
>lol'ing so hard right now
>start building walls in front of the window with bob
>wall off the entire room, we can't see inside
>keep sending people in there
>up to about eight plus a plasmeme that we put in a solitary walled off room
>plasmeme suicided
>shuttle docks
>about to leave with bob
>the whole prison is eaten by a singularity including me and bob

[Xango]

Sticky is gonna do an event or something, tells everyone to get on the mining shuttle and get to lavaland before blowing the station to bits. >Countdown. I was a chemist and I planned on making meth. I literally just got on the mining shuttle with 30 seconds left till bombing. We get to lavaland, I make a little chemistry nerd room. A ligger blows it up while making meth. At this point Sticky created a ladder that takes you to the station. I had taken the CMO's hardsuit before getting to lavaland. I go back up and the station is fucking ruined. I go to the chemistry lab and get the dispensers and shit, take them down one trip at a time. I basically salvaged all of our medical supplies from the station. A derelict drone finds the white shuttle and brings it to the outpost (god bless that drone). I make basic medicines and tricord and some more meth. I distribute them as much as I can. Centcomm decides to make the white ship our evac shuttle. It docks right next to the lavaland base. Centcomm tells us that the local megafauna and the ashwalkers are gonna be fucking attacking us and they need time to recalibrate the navigation system of the white ship or some shit. At this point the white ship and the people inside it have bailed out on us, leaving a HUGE fucking hole on lavaland and our base. The liggers are trying to break in through the shuttle dock and are breaking windows. While the miners are defending the entrances I build myself a durand using our nearly infinite resources. (Someone had built max research RnD and two autocloners in the mining base). Once it is complete I outfit it with a scattershot, a hades which I never really used and a laser cannon which was really useful for taking liggers out through windows. I name my mech Grandpa's Ligga Killa. The ashliggers are sloppy, they don't realize that breaking windows will lead to their death because their biggest weakness is glass shards. The try to run away when I show up with my big stompy mech, they step on their shards while running. I gun them down through the windows with my cannons, they take their dead back to their tendrils and lay more eggs. Their numbers aren't decreasing. At this point our only option is to retreat. I tell the others to get to the white ship and make a final stand against the liggers. They successfully break in through the windows and are met with my scattershots. They cower and run away but I shoot them with my cannons, at this point my durand is heavily damaged. I try to find the white ship but can't. The detective that was piloting the white ship tells me that I have one minute. There is an ashstorm so everyone at the mining base is screwed. There are people getting cloned, I don't want to leave but I have to, the white ship is being assaulted by liggers. I abandon my people at the outpost and make way towards the white ship, just as I find it, I hear over comms; "The White Ship has departed, please stand away from the doors". There is a huge hole on the lavaland ground leading to space. I was seconds late. End of the round OOC's going crazy about my last stand. I must have killed at least 13 ashliggers with my durand


"Grandpa Wile died so we may live."

[Qbmax32]

MUTINY!

The round started simply enough, me a sec officer with half a dozen others, plus a HoS and Warden. I geared up with my fellows, baton, taser, belt, bolas, spare cuffs and a few donuts to chomp on while on patrol. All standard. As I left the Brig, the HoS made a strange annoucement. One that would send the rest of the 50 minute round into chaos.


Security is Succeeding From the Station, down with the captain!

It was a simple announcement, but soon after the Captain made his own

THE HOS IS VALID

And so it went. The HoS called everyone back to the brig for an emergency meeting. I was skeptical. I hadn't agreed to any sort of mutiny, and as far as I could tell, the Captain hadn't done anything wrong. When I arrived back everyone was already there, deep in conversation with the HoS, and to my suprise seemed to be agreeing with him, planning to overthrow the captain for god knows why.

I made my decision, I PDA'd the Captain and informed him I was willing to be his double agent, and gave him the names of those who were working with the HoS. He thanked me and locked down the bridge. As the meeting breaks up and the rest of us go out on patrol, I hear shots near the bridge. I rush there to see a trio of assistants tied up and bound to chairs on the bridge and the HoP and HoS conversing, it's clear he's in on it too. I PDA the captain again and he flees into maintenance, as now the AI is trying to locate him and inform us of his location.

As security quickly arrested any loyal to the Captain and threw them in the Brig, I heard bad news. The captain had been found and was being tossed in Perma. The Hos was surrounded by his loyal officers as he stripped the Captain down so there was nothing I could do. I decided that it was a fools errand to continue trying to assist the captain and left him there.

But it wasn't over yet. 10 minutes later, we get a message from CentCom saying that an ERT had been dispatched to deal with the mutineers. Soon after arriving, the began purging anyone loyal to the HoS who had been pushed back to the brig with his remaining loyal officers. I took the opportunity to free the Captain and smuggled him out by covering his face with a mask. I delivered him to the ERT and showed their commander my PDA logs to prove my innocence and sat back to watch them bring in the remaining mutineers 1 by 1 either dead or alive and pile them onto the Ferry, as for the HoS, he was forced back into his office and gunned down when he refused to surrender. An interesting round indeed.

[DemonFiren]

>succeeding
That HoS oughtta have been executed by his own officers.

[Nilons]

>succeeding
That HoS oughtta have been executed by his own officers.

I coulda swore I caught his dumb ass in maint and gave him to the ert but it might have been an imposter or something

[Whoisthere]

Station went to shit due to singulo and murderboners, meanwhile there I was sitting in the cozy, pressurized, safe, airlocked library with 3-4 more people, drinking vodka from the hacked boozeomat and reading smut.
It was good while it lasted.