Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

tacolizard · Post by **tacolizard** » Fri Jun 16, 2017 8:02 am #309097

Bottom post of the previous page:

Qbopper wrote:>latejoin assistant
>"MONKEYTIDE"
>"RUN"
>my time is now
>go into tool storage and make a spear
>stab a monkey
>FUCK there's a lot of them
>go back to make an IED
>get pissed off at the dumb new crafting because I'm used to tablecrafting
>figure it out (I was using cuffs and not a cable coil)
>officer walks past
>HELLO SIR I'M FIGHTING MONKEYS SIR
>they pin a medal to my chest
>THANK YOU SIR
>grab IED
>oh all the monkeys are dead and the shuttle is here
>get on
>leaves
>nothing interesting
>WHAT THE FUCK THERE'S LIKE 30 MONKEYS ON THE SHUTTLE NOW
>say my prayers
>a monkey opens the door to the medical room I'm in
>light the fuse
>it goes off instantly in my hand without warning
>blows my leg off and puts me into crit
>i'm laughing my fucking ass off

good round

iirc IEDs have a random fuse between 1 and 8 seconds.

Qbopper · Post by **Qbopper** » Fri Jun 16, 2017 2:05 pm #309182

it used to be 3 to 8 but they must have changed it

Reyn · Post by **Reyn** » Sat Jun 17, 2017 6:00 pm #309574

>Be Joseph Stalin
>Be captain
>Gear up, secure da disk and da spare id and da everything
>Secure da medals
>Nearly start a civil war on the station due to making a worker's rights and racial and species equality bill
>Centcom unleashes monkey virus on us
>Get on my full gear set to minimize exposed flesh for biting.
>Hide in my office for half the round due to monkies somehow getting in bridge
>"We need a human for genetics so we can cure the monkies"
>runs to medbay, scans my DNA
>Borgs a monkey
>Almost get assasinated, but monkey slips on banana peel
>Borgs are to kill all monkies
> Defend the escape hallway
>Kill multiple monkies with my blade
>Make sure there are survivors
>Win round
>As stalin
>GG

Deitus · Post by **Deitus** » Sat Jun 17, 2017 6:25 pm #309585

>assistant of box
>tator tots
>wew lad
>grabbing my gear as captain announces that there will be a united nations meeting in front of the bridge in a few minutes
>thinking.jpg
>hide in one of my secret spots nearby and bide my time
>meeting is about to convene
>use all my tc on carp
>put em in a locker
>go to meeting area
>FOR GREYSHIRTIA
>open the locker and spray fire extinguisher everywhere
>carp massacre

some other shit happened with me escaping from perma and chilli'n with a ling but that was pretty much the high point so ill just leave it out

Reyn · Post by **Reyn** » Tue Jun 20, 2017 6:01 pm #310806

>Cult round
>I have no clue that it's cult round
>Was cargo tech
> Spot someone filling a room full of fuel tanks
>Looks like fun, come up to it with a welder to spook them.
>Some fucker knocks me down
>CULTCULTCULT
>Escape from cucktist
>Use flashbang
>Run to the fuel tanks and picks up my lit welder
>Fucker starts converting me
>Clock cucklt
>Dude in the middle of the fuel tanks commits welderbomb jihad . (There were 8 or 9 of them)
>Everyone near the tanks dies.
>I'm not mad
>the cultist isnt mad
>the suicide bomber isnt mad
>The admins arent mad
Everyone liked that little jihad

jaxy15 · Post by **jaxy15** » Wed Jun 21, 2017 6:26 pm #311078

>observe
>it's a Ratvar round
>well, time to wait around for a soul vessel or something- BLEB RANDOM EVENT
>spawn in maint by the CMO's office on meta
>start fighting off the crew
>they call the shuttle because "everything is fucked"
>everyone trying to fight me either dies or runs away
>spread into the halls, science and escape unopposed
>something starts delaying the shuttle
>what the hell?
>find out it's yet another weird Ratvar thing
>spread toward their base as they begin summoning Ratvar
>get swarmed by scarabs and borgs trying to defend the portal
>completely fail to stop the summoning
>well, at least i can still go to centcomm
>deploy a node on the shuttle and relocate my core while they attempt to reach escape
>some scarabs, borgs and cultists still try to stop me
>slaughter them all
>successful bleb shuttle hijack

Alipheese · Post by **Alipheese** » Wed Jun 21, 2017 9:41 pm #311134

Lost the screenshots. But alas. Somwhat fuzzy
Look at all the ook!

Spoiler:

Literally next round

Spoiler:

These kinda rounds continued for awhile with everyone getting chances at the glory moments like a wizard the next round killing me roundstart.

This is how Krusvik became my favorite admin.

MimicFaux · Post by **MimicFaux** » Fri Jun 23, 2017 2:14 am #311579

[center]Tales from Spaaaaace!![/center]
[center]With one arm tied behind my back[/center]

Rolling nuke op and excited to be starring in my own action movie. It's a small team, only four of us instead of the usual five. Today, we are the Beastieboys! The leader, having given us our name immediately decides he wants nothing to do with the responsibility and asks if anyone wants his ID and lead the team. I promptly volunteer. We swap IDs, and I rub my greedy lil hands together, "Alright operatives, what's the plan?" I suggest that we can try our luck and go stealth, or probably lose but have more fun declaring war. We decide on stealth. One of the new guys suggests we all pile into a locker, and one guy undercover in assistant plainclothes drags it around, and we ambush the captain like this. I support the idea. "Ah, the old Sardine Surprise tactic. Classic." It's not. I made it up, but once given a name, all the other operatives love it.

First order of business, "Does everyone here know how to fly a jetpack and / or is this your first time as an operative. No shame in it, just let me know so I can help you." One guy volunteers he's never had a chance to use jetpacks, I fill him in. Seriously, it takes fifteen seconds to explain. I remember my first time, spacing myself accidentally. I've seen other operatives do it too. No reason for it if it can be prevented. One guy, Brandon Beastieboys, has already purchased an elite hardsuit and is pointing frantically at the shutter doors button. I tell him to be patient until everyone knows what they're doing. One operative comes back from the locker room with the Ion rifle, and accidentally shoots me. Rolling my eyes I reset my headset and start assigning tasks. Brandon, the over-eager beaver, will blow the armoury after we spring our surprise. Dustin, the newbie, will be the undercover agent pulling the locker. Marc and myself will be in the locker armed to the teeth. The guy with the ion rifle at this point accidentally fires again and manages to EMP the rest of the team.
>facepalm
After going over the basics once more, and doling out gear. I got Fungal Tuberculosis grenades at a massive discount, and inoculate the team. I go on a hunch and call out for a radio check. No one responds. I ask again out loud and Brandon quickly radios in. Marc and Dustin are still with dead headsets and we have to explain how to get them going again. Satisfied everyone knows their job, and how to work their equipment at a base level, I open the shutters and we all pile on. Everyone gears up. I grab the syndie bombs and a spare block of c4 for myself.

We drop Brandon off outside the armoury where he'll chill in space until either we're spotted or pull off the ambush on the captain. We bring the shuttle around to the other side the station and make our approach. Murphy's law comes out in full force and announces a meteor storm. I'm conflicted whether or not to simply retreat to the base and wait it out. But then I feel conflicted about if Brandon might get randomly struck. Maybe it's a false aler-- BOOM. Nope. Fuck it, let's just get going. Dustin takes hold of the loaded locker and steps out into the loading dock. I remind him to engage his suits helmet. Now he's outside into space. He's now out in vacuum. I insist he engages the suits helmet. At least he knows how to use the jetpack. He engages it... in combat mode. Not wishing for one of our members to be so hurt before even hitting station-side, I tell him urgently to engage the face-plate. After a short delay, I tell him to click on the helmet icon. It finally snaps shut and he's properly space-proof. I pray to RNGesus to get us through this round. Now, the plan WAS to find an assistant's uniform and a gas mask in maint, and proceed with the infiltration, but poor Dustin, injured as he was from space exposure, isn't quite fast enough to pull the locker in through the airlock before it gets sucked back out to spacewind. Two more attempts are thwarted. By the time he tries for a third, a lawyer and another bystander spot us by escape and our cover is blown. I kick open the locker door and rush out, calling to Brandon to blow the armoury. I start shooting the two unfortunates before they can scream for help, but it's too late and the gig is up.

Brandon radios back to blow his planted bomb. I tap the Red Button, but it failed to find an armed bomb. This is the last I hear from Brandon Beastieboys. I drop the FT grenade below metastation's corporate showcase, a nice busy intersection for maximum effect. Sadly largely thwarted due to the existing presence of a healing virus (with only a single infection per spessman allowed). I make a point to blow medbay with one of my syndie bombs to mitigate recovery and help us in the attrition side of the conflict. The shuttle gets called around this time and I make a note to track down a head of staff and get that shit recalled ASAP. I follow the disk's signature to the bridge, and from the sounds of it, the captain and the clown are having tea in his quarters. I plant the bomb and hope to get a quick kill on them both. At this point Marc and Dustin split off to hunt down the crew / Disk on their own and any semblance of a plan falls apart. Things look up when the HoS shows up! I need that ID! I hotswap my equipment, and to my much amusement, this particular HoS has no idea how a e-shield works and stuns himself. Perfect. I close in for the kill and a borg rushes by and sweeps the HoS away. Less perfect. Things get REALLY weird when an assistant catgirl attacks me with goddamn spellblade that I can only assume the miners found early. Caught completely off guard I immediately lose my left arm; grateful at least that it wasn't one of my legs, I quickly gun her down and take the sword for myself, to save on ammo. Injured, and with no way to reattach my own arm, I double back to medbay to stem the bleeding and at least get myself combat ready again when I'm rushed by security officers on either side. They at least have the wherewithal to draw batons instead of tasers. I get a lucky strike on the first one. Despite wearing a riot shield on his back, and wielding an extra one for maximum block, I manage to drop him on the first strike and finish him off in the relative safety of the crater that is the bridge while the other one circles around. There's a scuffle with a scientist and a nearby beepsky stuns one or both of them. I ignore them to their own stoogery and start to head to medbay. Outside of the reach of the vacuum, another officer with a baton is a little more prepared and does manage to land a hit and drops me. I wait a half second to see what he does. He doesn't attack again, instead too caught up in my dropped loot.
He grabs my sword and takes a moment to feel proud of himself. I pop adrenals
[youtube]aNC9ObAqeUI[/youtube]

Re-armed, I limp to medbay to deal with my bleeding stump. The HoS is just coming out as I approach, and we engage in a bit of yakkity sax, but I can only assume he wasn't fully healed as I'm able to gun him down quickly. I drag him to the far end of medbay and loot him for his ID. His guns are all empty, so I leave them behind. By now, I'm hearing the crew members shout boasts onto the syndicate radio and I can only assume I'm the last one standing. I pick my way through the ruined station, avoiding the crew when I can, being mindful about my remaining ammo. The cyborgs are repairing the holes in the station, and largely ignore me. The recall goes without a hitch, and I breathe a sigh of relief, now I have time to actually hunt down the disk. As luck would have it, the captain himself shows up. Armed with his space suit and a baton he charges me and we engage in risky melee combat. It's close quarters, and I need multiple hits to bring him down, whereas he needs one. I don't want to drop the sword for risk of losing my other arm. It's a tense moment of swings, but he drops and I immediately look to my pinpointer. Yup!

! At some point an atmos tech threw a metal foam grenade into the captain's office, so I make a small tunnel and hide inside there while I pick through the captain's belongings. Pockets? No. Backpack, yes. Internals box, check. With one arm, I pocket the entire box, rather than bother with further digging. Like any good operative, I then make a sprint for space.

The shuttle is in pretty rough shape. Most distressingly are the large number of holes leading into the interior. I cross my remaining fingers and hope the nuke wasn't stolen by any curious meta-game explorers. Luckily, everything is still there. I grab the nuke and prepare to arm.

: Radiation pulse detected: 20 RADs
Wat.
The nuke is leaking? Was it the meteors? I don't stop to worry about it. I'm hurt, and want to finish this quickly. In the back of my mind, I keep asking myself, "Why aren't nuclear operatives shielded against radiation?" I take the nuke to toxins for irony and tuck it in next to the hardsuit storage. Disk in. Code... check notes...
8..2..2
You can almost hear something...
MOTHERFUCKER. I pass out from radiation poisoning.
3..6
Toggle Anchor
You can almost hear something...
Toggle Safety
Time: ---
You can almost hear something...
At this point I'm in the red and limp away, and beeline it for the toxin medkit in the other room.
Ahelp: Is the nuke -supposed- to be leaking radiation like this?
I pop charcoal pills like they're candy. Waiting for the meds to kick in. A visitor pops in briefly, and I've the mouse hovering over the Cr-20. I'm so incredibly exposed. Helmet down, mask on the table, very obviously treating my own injuries with the medkit next to me. They piss off, and I feel well enough to finish the job.

Time: 20-
You can almost hear something...
Time: 200
Start timer.
The station goes delta, and I decide that after all that, one final bit of BM is needed. And instead of pissing off directly back out into space, I head deeper into the station to the bridge. I find the detective near where I looted the captain, and send him running with a few bursts of my gun. I've a clip and a half of ammo left.
I make a small Cuban Pete joke to the station and call it quits. Escaping the station through medbay maint. I run into a couple of assistants. They are unarmed, and I'm not stopping for valids. I send them running with another spray of bullets and escape out into space.
The shuttle cockpit itself is breached, and so I get in quickly that way.
All that radiation exposure had mutated me, and left me mute. I couldn't even radio in to my teammates if any still lived. I cut my losses and evacuate with the disk back to the base. Take the time to make use of the holes and explore the snowfield outside the base, and then head back inside to celebrate with some Cuban Pete Spiced Rum.
Perhaps the best part was how when the credits rolled, OOC exploded with praise and amazement how I managed everything literally single-handed. Jokes were made at the captain's expense how he was being weighed down by the extra arms.
I was heralded as the One-Armed Bandit.
[youtube]XFldSKSCTkk[/youtube]
SYNDICATE MAJOR VICTORY

Deitus · Post by **Deitus** » Sat Jun 24, 2017 4:42 am #311825

>sybil box memery on f-f-f-friday night motherfuckers
>armhulenn plays bee songs in pregame lobby
>everyone has bee fever
>spawn as assistant
>[NASTY ROARING AND CRUNCHING NOISES]
>[f1] I TRADE MY LING FOR BECOMING A MASSIVE BEE NAMED QUEEN BEE
>*bwoink* "DONE, INTO MAINT WITH YOU"
>scoot into maint
>delinged and gibbed
>put into bee with massive sprite
>go into halls
>crew is in awe of my greatness, they cant bee-lieve it
>borg is among the onlookers
>ask him to spawn bees on the holodeck
>HE ACTUALLY DOES IT
>absolutemadborg.jpg
>fly amongst my subjects
>try to attack the crew but my sprite is so big it covers the next tile over so i can only attack myself
>every attack plays bee song midis
>earrape.mp3
>ask borg to spawn more but he says he got in trouble
>shucks
>die to laserhos
>RIP
>*bwoink* "READY FOR BEE 2: ELECTRIC BEE-GALOO?!"
>[F1] dont you mean... PLAN BEE?
>*bwoink* jesus christ
>spawn in as zombie powder bee named zombee
>made super small
>stealthsting a bunch of the crew
>attacks play bee song dance remix
>dancingearrape.mp3
>borg somehow hits me with saw
>ROOD
>a bit later "the hive" makes a centcomm announcement
>"NAR-BEE APPROACHES"
>crew panics
>spawn in as a red bee with red glow
>stings light people on fire
>minor spree before killed
>rip
>go afk for a bit to practice guilty gear
>some other announcements about a slaughter bee-mon and other bee related badminnery but they all die before i can even find them
>zom-bee powder eventually reaches critical mass and shuttle is all zombies
>get to centcomm
>rave lights with DJ armhulenn at middle with meme strobe light machine
>half life dance music comes on
>THIS IS THRILEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER
>ice "no fun allowed" pax spawns a zlevel-wide explosion

rattle me bones

----
>[story how i saved station by doing rnd when nobody else would during blob round and barely getting x rays to the crew in time before blob won]

shoutout to jan VII too for dem minerals

---
>die early on box
>centcomm announcement: STONER ERT ON HIS WAY HE MAY BE ROGUE
>one ert named "lord of dance" comes in with dance meme machine
>sets it up in bar
>crew rocks out, even when some nig bombs them and they get set on fire and depressurized
>party relocates to bridge
>after a bit clown comes in, lubes, and destroys machine
>deadchat and livechat fill with demands for clown death
>lord of dance says gods tell him if clown dies a new meme dance machine will be created
>clown is hiding like a little bitch in a closet in atmos
>doctor eventually finds him
>saxxing as entire crew eventually stuns and lynches clown
>machine made as promised
>bridge party again
>get spawned in as a monkey named "spirit of dance"
>rock on garth
>party until LOD calls shuttle
>relocate to escape
>party reaches fever pitch, everything from borgs to xenos to flypeople are in on the nitelyfe
>

>suddenly round ends
>our faces when it was rev
>welp
>meme machine gains sentience and flies around escape, bashing everyone's shit and lighting them on fire
>nothing but crunching and screaming muffled by blaring dance music before game is reset

top memes

other highlights of the night were pimpin gang wins in chapel with mounted turret, struggling to get people on a summon rune after being left as a shard in a depressurized room for five minutes, and more. overall a great night of friday spessmen, good shit famalams

---

InsaneHyena · Sat Jun 24, 2017 12:13 pm

MimicFaux wrote: SYNDICATE MAJOR VICTORY

I was there, and it really was this epic. When you collapsed near the nuke either out of bloodloss or radiation, I was about to lose my shit. Also, fuck Brandon. Seriously, fuck him. He was the most useless operative of all, so much that he even failed to bomb the armory, because he didn't arm the bomb.

Post by **Armhulen** » Sat Jun 24, 2017 9:44 pm #311965

Deitus wrote:snip

delete this i'm a mean admin

bandit · Post by **bandit** » Tue Jul 04, 2017 3:24 am #313999

>Wizard round
>Wizard is a memer and rolls summon events and guns
>Get shot to death quickly as shaft miner
>Later become ayy scientist
>Ready to ayy lmao it up
>Mindswap
>AYYS GET MINDSWAPPED TOO
>Now am catgirl scientist, with the same objectives
>Fuck
>Miraculously manage to find my agent, he's now a talking mime
>Meme around for a bit
>BRIGHT IDEA #1: butt in on the CMO doing a surgery and see if we can do an experimental dissection with human tools
>Not possible
>Pray to the gods for alien drapes but they just spawn a bunch of gibs underneath us
>Also the CMO gets mad and he and the detective crit the mime, almost crit me but I drill their ass
>Heal the mime, regroup
>Now what
>See sec dragging off an ayylium
>BRIGHT IDEA #2: save the fake ayys from security and see if they'll teleport us to our ship
>Race to the brig
>Somehow manage to kick security's ass except I'm near death
>Mime bro and a syndicate mediborg heal me up
>Look for ayys, no ayys, we rob the armory and wait
>Ayys come back but won't acknowledge us and in fact try to attack us
>"The emergency shuttle has docked with the station."
>Mime and I say fuck it and try to get to the shuttle
>MASS TELEPORT
>I'm still on the shuttle, mime is not
>Ayy teleports in and in a fit of salt I harmbaton him to death
>Call out to mime bro, he took the security pod
>Drag the dead ayy to the sec pod and escape with mime bro
>We both greentext for killing the imposter ayy

remember kids, never give up

Qbmax32 · Post by **Qbmax32** » Tue Jul 04, 2017 4:35 am #314007

i was the mime, good times my man, good times

Deitus · Post by **Deitus** » Thu Jul 20, 2017 6:26 am #318597

>hos on box
>det and warden report in
>no cap
>have borg let me in so i can secure disk and spare
>wander around
>someone broke in and nabbed cap's laser
>find greyshirt fibers
>4 assistants on station according to records
>start spanish inquisition before some nig runs past shooting syringes
>chase after and tase, but he has adrenals and manages to hit me with a syringe
>heartburn nausia indegestion upset stomach diarrhea.gif
>i stagger to medbay where other nigs are crawling over chem
>they dont know symptoms and dont have viro access
>hey fam i can help
>go in and check
>liposide is a cure
>chemist whips some up in a jiff and distributes
>give that bitch a medal for saving me and a bunch of others
>on patroooooooooooooooooool
>jan michael VII says he killed the chap and he has a bunch of eswords
>offers them to me
>hey man you killed 'em, you keep 'em
>says he doesnt want them so warden and i are about to toss em into armory when warden makes star wars joke
>inspiration
>tell him we should reenact obi wan vs anakin on the bridge
>he agrees
>we call the crew for the show
>only a few show up (probably cuz meteors but oh well)
>chef and lizard come in
>lizard starts playing star wars theme on synthesizer
>time to make kino
>we quote the battle a bit
>"ITS ON"
>both running and clicking like autists
>i land a few hits
>he's down
>take his arm for movie dedication
>he gets up
>pic related happens (see dialogue)

>throw him in cyro and give him a prosthetic
>pax plays some song about big balls
>[f1] dude you missed our epic lightsaber fight
>*bwonk* ill show you epic
>"wait for it"
>"wait for it..."
>"wait for it..."
>"wait for it..."
>"wait for it..."
>"wait for it..."
>finally spear flies out of nowhere and embeds
>*bwoink* THERE WASNT THAT EPIC
>ok pax
>take it out while being pelted with a desk
>go to shuttle
>riding along to centcomm when CE goes full retard and shoots the warden with lasers
>we both take him down
>chemist who made cure earlier hacks his shit with axe
>WAIT NO STOP
>hand her esword
>USE THIS INSTEAD
>she thanks me and continues
>arrive at centcomm and meme a bit before pax makes a z-level wide explosion
>pax are you drunkminning again

10/10 shift, shoutouts to warden ian and sasha romanov for being bros

MimicFaux · Post by **MimicFaux** » Thu Jul 20, 2017 4:28 pm #318752

Rolled Changeling Clown, boring objectives about murdering and impersonating the CMO.
/pray Blessed Honkmother, can I trade my my ling-ness for two pie cannons?
You hear a voice in your head...I got you, fam
Fun-loving admins gave me two traitor-pie cannons and I tore up and down the halls dual-wielding them on harm intent for maximum spray. Absolutely blowing over everyone. The mime. The captain. Janitor, botany. security, Everyone. Then something magical happened. A lynch mob formed. I've had crew members chase me before, a salty bartender. a disgruntled mime. A freshly made bald chemist. But I've never been chased by a -crowd- of random crewmembers before as the clown. Oh lordy, it was incredible to see these pie-drenched trio battle their way through the pastry onslaught to try and disarm me of my cannons, occasionally succeeding, but only to either slip on the soap I was dragging, or accidentally pie each other with the hair-trigger of the cannon (giving me opportunity to grab the fallen cannon and then reacquire the second).

It was such a gut-splitting hilarity to see people try to fight their way towards me under a barrage of never ending pies, tripping over each other, that I actually had to hide out in an escape pod to take a breather. In the end, I got RNG'd on a disarm in a middle of a crowd, and security was able to dog pile on top of me where I was taken in crit to the brig where security read my rights to an unconscious and cuffed clown.

Sometime later, a pie-encrusted jani-lizard asked for my body and used it for some kind of ritual pyre.
The shuttle docks, the round ends, and I find my objectives had been rewritten as simply HONK!

The Traitor was successful!

BeeSting12 · Post by **BeeSting12** » Fri Jul 21, 2017 5:13 pm #319061

So this happened a few rounds ago, and it was some of the funnest detective work I've had in a while. I was an assistant and ran around for a few minutes, meatspiked and put catears/a dress on Kurtis Wabbite after he suicided, y'know, normal assistant stuff. The AI accidentally cut comms for a bit but it went back up quickly. I run around for a while and then a guy with a prod tries hitting me. Earlier, I had killed a beepsky and taken it's baton so I stunned and cuffed him and brought him to the brig. When I get there, I hear of the virologist being murdered.

The guy who tried prodding me, Brian, and I both decided to help find out who did it. We investigate viro and find a blood trail that suddenly stops into a locker. Brian said he heard eswords around there earlier, so I figured we were looking for an esworder. The captain scanned for prints but couldn't find anything and viro's doors, three of them (metastation) were bolted open, but not emagged, which was odd. The crematorium also had blood in it, but no ashes. I ask the chappy if he saw anything and he names a scientist that me and the assistant flash and cuff.

At the brig, we sit in interrogation for a while with her. We had found an emag and a parapen, yet she refuses to admit she's a traitor. After a while I decide to let sec do with her what they want and walk off. I hear that someone emagged the borg but I pay little mind to it. I get back together with Brian and we talk and agree the scientist didn't do it. Brian thought the chaplain was lying but he was braindead so nothing came of that. At that point, I start thinking back... the no forensic evidence, the lack of ashes in the crematorium but still a blood trail, doors being bolted open with no emag, comms going off for a short while, the esword, the emagged borg... It all adds up. The AI was rogue and the borg was hacked!

I ask the borg and AI to let me card it and both dodge me. I get the captain to give me an ion rifle and an EVA suit and I move out to the minisat to card the AI with Brian. On the way there, I find something interesting- The AI and the borg pulling it. I immediately ion gun the borg and kill it, and bring the AI back to escape where it is carded and given to me. Sure enough, it's rogue. I ask it if it killed the viro, and it said it did not. I kept the AI on an intellicard and go to robotics where the borg was remade, unsynced, and then emagged by the roboticist. I get auged with a chainsaw and have the AI implanted in me. At this point me and the AI were pretty chill with each other. Ran around some more and then got prodded by the emagged borg, who seemed to be holding a grudge on me. The borgo killed me and took me to the toxins test area... where the viro was hidden in a locked locker. The borg then went through a huge adventure to get the card out and back into a core, which was funny. AI greentexted and I learned that I was right about the virologist, quite satisfying, that.

DrWoofington · Sat Jul 22, 2017 9:21 am

>be nuke op
>three ops only
>"oh no we have only three ops"
>the leader doesnt know how to op (first time)
>teach him how to do leader op stuff and how to gear up etc.
>its box, so taking out comms is pretty hard, but i still form a "I go in, take out AI with a bomb and dual E-Sword, after that everyone goes to station with me, take out comms with another bomb and BEELINE FOR DISK!" plan which is usual for almost every op round
>travel to station after half an hour of preparation
>take out AI in less than thirty seconds using syndibomb and big red button, followed up with DEsword
>ai didnt even have the time to call out ops, perfect
>rush to station through engi, heading for comms
>several engis and other people notice us, but we don't care, our group of three doesnt get hindered
>attempt to take out comms with a bomb but fail, because i think the bomb didnt quite reach the comm area
>rush to arrivals, where the disk was for some reason on the pinpointer
>as we are near arrivals, we fumble around trying to figure out where is the disk
>hear an explosion go off behind us
>me and the not-new guy go into arrivals maint, and find... CAPTAIN IN A LOCKER ( im not sure if he was braindead or what )
>instantly rush off into space to strip the captain of his disk
>ask the new guy "where is he"
>new guy doesn't respond
>"oh no"
>plant disk on solars, take the disk and ask the new guy to report, again
>me and the other dude suspect he has died and that explosion was either the result of his death, or what CAUSED his death
>we mourn the new guy, and fly off to our base
>we proceed to drink boose and eat pizza, celebrating our victory but mourning the new guy that has died in our mission
Syndicate Major Victory.

Sun Jul 23, 2017 9:00 am

old story that i remembered out of nowhere, not sure if ive ever told it, dont even remember the full thing just this part but i only now realize how outstandingly lucky it was

>traitor
>sneaky shit
>busted
>chased down to atmos
>last stand
>take down maybe one but die quickly (i was new)
>very upset that i died (i was new)
>they bodybag my corpse and start dragging it out
>the bodybag takes long enough that by the time they start dragging vortexes appear (the kind that warp you around randomly)
>one spawns on my bodybag dragger
>he moves one tile and my bodybag goes through the portal
>appear in genetics
>by sheer chance geneticist opens the bag and clones me
>continue to traitor under a new name

what are the odds

Nilons · Post by **Nilons** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 9:05 am #319466

PKPenguin321 wrote:old story that i remembered out of nowhere, not sure if ive ever told it, dont even remember the full thing just this part but i only now realize how outstandingly lucky it was

>traitor
>sneaky shit
>busted
>chased down to atmos
>last stand
>take down maybe one but die quickly (i was new)
>very upset that i died (i was new)
>they bodybag my corpse and start dragging it out
>the bodybag takes long enough that by the time they start dragging vortexes appear (the kind that warp you around randomly)
>one spawns on my bodybag dragger
>he moves one tile and my bodybag goes through the portal
>appear in genetics
>by sheer chance geneticist opens the bag and clones me
>continue to traitor under a new name

what are the odds

Did you immediately go buy a lottery ticket because you're the luckiest person alive?

MimicFaux · Post by **MimicFaux** » Sun Jul 23, 2017 6:00 pm #319512

If I was a geneticist, and a body suddenly appeared at my feet; I too would promptly do the bidding of the gods and bring that son of a bitch back to life

RandolfTheMeh · Mon Jul 24, 2017 7:15 am

Two stories from today.

>Doc on Delta
>Chemist was shooting people with meth explosion syringes
>People flying around dead and/or limbless
>Start working with the rest of medical to get things managed, find new patients, process current patients, etc.
>Had lost my arm early on when the chemist shot the QM
>Things calm down so I request a doc to surgery
>No one comes
>I ask again
>No one
>Ask again
>Lo and behold, no one
>Upset I'm now an arm down, I decide to pray for a the Old Ones to send me a med student
>"You hear a voice in your head... we demand the payment of a burger and soda for this arrangement.
>Well shit
>Go to the kitchen, fashion up a burger, assistant brings me cola
>I grab a red crayon
>Set up a dining area in surgery with a red rune below it
>Set another rune below the surgical table, eat the crayon
>Preparations complete
>A med student is warped down, consumes his offering, and performs the ritual/surgery

"Medical Practices" as exercised through dark magic. Thanks Ausops for doing that one, it was amusing.

>Later, traitor doc
>Steal the nuke disk, oh boooyyyyy
>Buy an encryption key, MimicFaux also bought one. We communicate about goals and whatnot.
>See the captain a few times, decide to put off murder, so I go for Sleeping Carp instead of a poison kit/sleepy pen
>A few minutes later the captain radios over the syndicate channel
>OutedAlready.png
>He then recites the codewords
>Then the response words
>I sit there, thinking perhaps this is a comms agent? But comms agents don't get the codewords, and this would be completely against helping us
>Run into the cap later
>He escorts me and Mimic to the brig, gives us access, outfits us
>We get all our objectives done within the next 2 minutes
>Several individuals murdered, objects stolen, and conspiracies laid, we sit pretty as an organized traitor group
>CentComm starts sending messages to the crew informing them of a defunct mindshield implant
>Not too distant future, we're swarmed in the brig, cap and I defending the brig against the Nanotrasen Loyals
>He gets downed to the swarm, I try to move over to him to shake him up, but a cop manages to baton me in the struggle
>Both of us die, but Mimic manages to escape
>Cap had to die a glorious death
>That motherfucker died a glorious death indeed

Redtexted, but to be honest, having the privilege to work alongside a traitor captain for however long it lasted was a unique experience. It's been a long time since I've last interacted with one when we were both traitors, and both times have been a lot of fun.

Deitus · Post by **Deitus** » Sat Jul 29, 2017 8:40 pm #321830

>fluke op
>time for pod and macro implant
>leroooooooooooooy----
>*splat*

>mfw i landed on cap
>disk respawns in chapel
>right next to where other op buddies land the ship
>delta with minimum effort

what are the fucking odds i mean seriously

Qbopper · Post by **Qbopper** » Sun Jul 30, 2017 3:33 am #321940

>nuke ops
>ops aren't very good but they manage to secure the disk
>captain announces "everything will be ok!"
>the op has the nuke on the station
>prepare myself
>finger is hovering over the play ogg button
>delta
>seinfeld theme plays

i'm glad i'm an admin

AnonymousNow · Sun Jul 30, 2017 5:05 am

>Become posibrain
>Become android
>Mine planetside for a while
>Station in danger, gang's about to take over
>Deployed to destroy dominator in virology with a suite of upgrades
>Barge in face-first and lay into it with my drill
>There's so many of them that they're tripping over each other trying to hit me, most often shooting each other as I shout "STUPID HUMANS, BULLETS ARE HARMFUL TO YOU"
>Destroy the dominator and flee with a sliver of health
>Five minutes later, as I'm done licking my wounds, a second dominator goes up
>Again, in virology
>I sneak into the front under the cover of darkness that they've tried to use against me
>They also summon mobs to use against me as soon as they realise I'm there using xenobiology
>They don't realise that the mobs won't be hostile to me unless I attack them or something
>Dance around the dominator again, this time aided by kiting the mobs into the dominator while they attack the humans who are wildly firing at me and hitting them
>Destroy the second dominator and escape
>Maximum smug over radio as roboticist pats me on the head for a job well done.

Xhuis · Post by **Xhuis** » Mon Jul 31, 2017 12:42 am #322157

>coding stuff
>darkgenerallord pings me on Discord with an Urgent Request
>"geis is crashing the server"
>log onto bagil and do some testing
>it is indeed crashing the server, so joan fixes it
>"as reward for my services I would like to be made a wizard"
>gibbed
>play the antag token card
>armhulen: "oh shit you actually have one"
>made a wizard
>due to armhulen banter, name myself Discount Shadowling
>Jaunt, Knock, Warp Whistle, Wand Collection, Charge, Forcewall, Smoke, and Blind
>put on the shadowperson race (shadowling race no longer exists, plus "discount")
>port into Engineering maintenance and mess around with my abilities a bit
>armhulen subtlePMs me saying that he's gonna make my clothing invisible for maximum shadowling immersion
>makes my robes and hat invisible, then spawns a dresser next to me
>I remove all my underclothes so I look like a """shadowling"""
>armhulen wishes me luck and logs off
>procure black gloves from atmospherics and use Knock to enter the hall
>start pulling lights out of their sockets
>eventually find my way to cargo where I find a cargo tech replacing the lights I've taken out
>"CHKCHK NO LIGHTS"
>he puts a light in
>point-blank wand of death
>"LIGHTS ARE BAD, CHKCHK"
>realize I have no ID and vow to track down the captain or HoP
>HoP's office is depowered, so that's a no-go
>head to medbay
>start yanking lights out of walls and asking for a crew monitor
>CMO: "could you please fuck off"
>telebatons me
>point-blank wand of death
>"CHKCHK LIGHTS ARE BAD"
>drag him away, strip him, and take his ID
>zap him with a wand of healing to revive him
>use a warp whistle to get away as he walks around bewildered
>go back to medbay with the CMO's ID and grab a crew monitor
>captain is in their quarters
>jaunt in, the captain is rummaging around in their locker
>wand of death
>take ID, name myself to Discount Shadowling (Best Antagonist) with all-access
>revive captain
>"what the fuck?"
>forcewall her in and make an announcement from her comms console
>"THIS IS THE CAPTAIN SPEAKING, ALL CREW ARE DIRECTED TO REMOVE ALL LIGHTS THANK YOU"
>head to the AI upload
>upload a new law to the AI: "Lights are against you and everything you stand for."
>AI immediately starts destroying lights
>captain and an engineer bust into the upload
>jaunt away and continue my light-destroying crusade
>port into the bridge, blinding the HoP, and make another captain's announcement informing the crew that having lights is now punishable by death
>AI states its laws
>the captain has added a slew of anti-wizard laws
>this must be remedied
>warp in, forcewall the entrance, and wand o' teleportation the engineer and captain away
>purge the AI and give it one law: "DESTROY ALL LIGHTS"
>jaunt to the captain's office and start grabbing loots from the locker
>captain and HoP sprint in and try to down me, but forcewalls block them
>"DO YOU WANT ME TO KILL YOU? BECAUSE I CAN KILL YOU."
>they continue trying to destroy the forcewall
>"SUIT YOURSELF"
>use wand of polymorph on both of them
>they both become slimes
>HoP: "oh fuck me"
>"ENJOY HAVING NO LIMBS"
>warp whistle away
>around this time the shuttle is close to arriving for a variety of reasons including but not limited to a discount shadowling destroying all the lights
>jaunt onto the shuttle EVA (meta shuttle) and remove the lights
>CMO walks in and telebatons me
>polymorph him into a monkey
>"NO LIGHTS CHKCHK"
>wand of teleport him off of the shuttle and into space
>run into the bridge and remove the lights
>"THIS IS A NO LIGHTS ZONE CHKCHK"
>people start breaking down the door
>capslime is out for vengeance
>tactically retreat into the back room
>around this time cobby adminPMs me saying "THIS ISN'T WHAT I MEANT BY READD SHADOWLINGS XHUIS"
>walls being knocked down on both sides
>hold my own as long as I can, but the crew eventually swarms in
>jaunt into the engines
>sec officer disablers me and I go into stamcrit
>taking too much damage from space to get back up and zap myself with a healing wand
>go into crit as a sentient magicarp breaks down the window and drags me into the room
>vengeance slimes and a sec officer kill me so fast I don't have a chance to lastwhisper

bman · Post by **bman** » Tue Aug 01, 2017 6:32 pm #322812

>be assistant
>no major authority presence
>give AA to mostly everyone because why not
>become de-facto captain
>security joins and cap joins and soon i am made aware that i have turned the station into a warzone
>have to face the crew which i gave AA and bring law and order to the lands
>arrest, kill, and detain the changelings and traitors who were put into power by ME
>succeed
>call it
>a shitter recalling
>a borg spots him and i go and take him down
>call it and succeed

was fun

MimicFaux · Post by **MimicFaux** » Thu Aug 03, 2017 6:22 pm #323466

Tales from Spaaaaace!!

Today, I was but a simple lawyer with a simple mission.

#1 Prevent Kurtis Wabbite, the chaplain from escaping alive.

#2 Escape on the emergency shuttle or Escape pods alive and not in custody.

As a lawyer, this put me in the unique position of being close to security and able to fly under the radar. Maybe pick a few pockets as other traitors are brought in, or help lessen sentences, or even straight jailbreak some of them. First order of business was to buy a syndicate encryption key, put out some feelers if anyone else had done the same and make some early alliances. So far, nothing on the private channel.

I settle into the shift and start up my normal lawyer gimmick. I build an office in the maintenance tunnels and equip it with a surgery table, medbot, and even a couple nice plants for decoration and a table to do business on. I then proceed to start using the lawyers Send-All function unique to their PDA and advertise my services as a back-alley plastic surgeon, safety deposit box, and general advice giver. It's worked a couple times and I've gotten to work alongside actual traitors and hold onto their slime extracts, severed heads of targets, and in one case, a photograph of the clowns ass.

But it's a slow and patient gimmick, that more often than not just annoys the crew at large (which is its own reward). While I'm sitting in my office, counting off five minute intervals between the next of a dozen pre-recorded adverts, my target, Kurtis Wabbite reveals himself to be another Traitor and has stolen the nearly the entirety of the armoury and absconded to some secret 'bunker' of his, taunting security to meet his demands of a tank of plasma. I try to reach him on the syndicate channel, again, no luck.

This sparks a bit of a Cold War between security and him, as the warden arms the handful of staff he has to command with what few weapons and armour wasn't stolen.
Hey, free laser gun for me! Eventually, Kurtis presumably tires of the Wardens 'don't negotiate with terrorists' stance, and takes action against sabotaging the stations super matter engine. I hear reports of his capture at engineering and head that way to see to it my own mission was complete (and possibly see if I couldn't convince anyone to let me represent a corpse in court for the memes) what I find instead was a heroic atmospheric technician and a cyborg battling against the collapsing integrity of the super matter core and saving the station. Impressive, but Kurtis was nowhere to be found. Had he escaped?

Returning to the brig with questions, I found a backpack on the ground, inside I found a bible and a soul stone shard, this was Kurtis' pack! I loot it of anything useful and find the captain in discussion with several officers at the brig. They're processing a bloodied engineer for being a traitor, but I press the question as to Mr. Wabbite's whereabouts.

The officer who originally called out his capture disappears into a back room for moment and comes out with a horrifyingly charred body wearing only the tattered remains of a syndicate space helmet. Evidently, while trying to sabotage the engine, Kurtis was consumed by an energy surge and was burnt to a crisp. Well, that solves that.

I return to my office and continue spreading. My adverts, and start getting threats from the crew, and even other members of security to knock it off. Each one is met with another pre-recorded message on 'how to unsubscribe' from my adverts. Feeling the itch to do something traitorous, I leave my office and wander around the brig, keeping an eye to everyone there. Once I see a gap in the watchfulness of the security team, I slip into the evidence locker room. I hear the warden approaching and hold my breath, hiding in the furthest locker with my fingers on the stun baton I'd pilfered earlier. He checks a few closets at random but doesn't find me. Losing interest, he wanders out. I wait a bit and hear a distant door open and shut. Quickly I plant a bomb and arm it.
A digital timer reads '90'
But before I could escape I hear the door again and dash back into my closet immediately next to the bomb.
A digital timer reads '75'
The warden hears the ominous beeping and starts searching. I can't make a break for it or I'll be immediately outed as the bomber.
I'll have to wait for an opening to escape.
A digital timer reads '50'
The warden returns to the evidence room and stands in front of the bomb, as if deciding what to do next. I resolve to make a break for it regardless if he pops open the cover and tries to disarm it.
A digital timer reads '44'
He won't leave though, not when he can smell delicious valids so close at hand. For the third time since I snuck in here he starts rifling through the lockers, this opening all of them. He finds me and springs away as I lunge forward, swinging the baton wildly.
I spare the bomb one last glance before making a break for it.
A digital timer reads '15'
Time to go!
I sprint past the warden and make for maintenance through the medical door, but get hit by a taser shot one my way out. I can't help but grin as everyone gathers round to fill me with laser fire, already forgetting about the imminent threat of the bomb. The cherry on the cake was when a revenant chose his moment well and acted at that moment to electrocute everyone in the area, guaranteeing everyone was caught in the blast.
A digital timer reads '0'

The next few minutes were spent mentally shaking myself of all the adrenaline. Sitting next to a bomb while security is hunting you was surprisingly stressful!
Meanwhile, a hardworking little borgie has been rounding up the bodies and dropping them off at cloning. As luck would have it, I was the first one cloned. Naked, without tools, access, or weapons; a convenient way out was laid at me feet when the cyborg rolled into medbay with the Head of Security's still warm body. I pointed to the genetics room. "Law 2, open."
Like a good little Asimov, he did and then wheeled away to get more bodies. Quickly scanning the dead HoS, I assumed his identity, stole his clothes, and informed everyone that I had 'cremated the Traitor, Hadrian'.

After that, it was a simple matter of waiting for the shuttle to dock. I took this time to print out a customized wanted poster for myself.

Wanted: Hadrian Melik

Major Crimes: Handsome Syndicate Agent
Notes: Seriously, have you seen this guy? He's one smooth criminal.

I hung that shit in the shuttle cockpit.
The traitor was successful!

Qbmax32 · Post by **Qbmax32** » Fri Aug 04, 2017 4:58 am #323606

>be assistant
>make assistant shop with another assistant
>get spare sec gear from arrivals checkpoint, hos says its okay
>get spare captain gear, headset,bedsheet,glasses,crown
>captain says its okay
>lizardsec Lives-Till-Death repeatedly tries to arrest me and the other assistant, ignoring the hos's orders telling them not to
>they run in with batons, dunk them, steal baton and tazer, return them to hos
>they get demoted after disobeying hos,5-6 times
>they come back with just their fists
>dunk them, throw them out
>they come back again, crit, throw out
>they crit me in medbay
>get healed
>round ends
>they salt really loudly
>say they play the game for "its deep roleplay mechanics"
>tell them he could have gone off and ignored us, as we had full authority from the HoS/Captain to make the shop, but he continued to escalate
>he tells me to suck his cock
>everyone roasts him
>he apparently plays on citadel too
>gets roasted even harder
>next round
>"who" command
>he's gone

fuckin' A+ perfect.

pics of shop: http://imgur.com/a/lnFDH

MimicFaux · Post by **MimicFaux** » Fri Aug 04, 2017 5:04 am #323607

Quality.

What did you use for bartering? I like to insist on space cash. People tend to raid dorms/the vault/beg cargo

Qbmax32 · Post by **Qbmax32** » Fri Aug 04, 2017 5:37 am #323613

We just had someone bring in something of equal or greater worth, IE someone would want a baseball bat so they gave us a spear

BeeSting12 · Post by **BeeSting12** » Sat Aug 05, 2017 12:29 am #323831

>changeling
>decide to try for greentext since murderboning is really easy
>find my identity theft target, the clown, standing in a hallway
>toolbox him into critical fairly easily and run into maint to succ his genomes
>captain sees me and guns me down with disablers
>he takes body and runs
>i run to medical and try taking it
>get arrested
>explain to the HoS that the clown attacked me
>he gulags me for 500 after a lengthy argument
>run across lava and strip down
>die
>revive, put on gear
>break into mining shuttle
>miner comes in, I'm just sitting there
>he goes up next to me, I armblade him dead and absorb
>take his identity and shit, he had noslips but apparently blew the rest on implants
>:u Okay guys, heading back
>show up just in time to see a miner fixing the shuttle
>"damn goliaths man"
>go back, tell HoS, my kill target about the dead prisoner
>he tells me to clone him
>try getting the HoS to go with me to retrieve the body, fail
>get water buckets and shit
>start attacking an officer with my fists
>the officer starts chasing me
>run to escape, wear I pour out water
>officer slips
>steal the taser and armblade his face
>go to space and find an area in between to airlocks to steal his gear (stuns and ID)
>fuckAIsawme oops
>AI didn't get my identity apparently, the miner identity is still safe
>run around more, decide to go for the RTA, my steal obj
>monkey self, ventcrawl to RD office
>humanize in a throwaway identity, armblade locker, take RTA
>disposals self and retrieve the miner gear that I hid in arrivals
>shuttle arrives, realize the HoS isn't dead
>spam extract DNA on people to get my gene goal
>track HoS on sensors, he's in the NE hallway almost dead
>intercept him north of sci, tase and armblade
>go to arrivals pod and start looting
>HE GETS UP AND ATTACKS ME WITH A DESWORD
>armblade him till his organs fall out (postround I learn he had a chem implant with healing stuff)
>change identity to clown, get greentext

bman · Post by **bman** » Tue Aug 15, 2017 6:34 pm #326888

>minding my own business

The lizards made a mistake that day.

>go to escape
>pretend to space them
>a guy randomly comes up to me and says to space them
>i give him the ligger cause i aint dealing with that shit
>step 2 tiles away then my conscious catches up to me
>go back and save the ligger from certain death
>continue with my life

>SUDDENLY
>IN THE BAR
>A DISGUSTING NUDIST LEGRO
The lizards made a mistake that day
>stun them
>dress them forcefully

>the job is done
>continue with my life

>SUDDENLY
>KAMAX IS BACK AND THEY SEEK REVENGE ON MY SOUL

>thanks to supreme combat skill and evasion techniques i escape (they threw me in a deoxygenated area and i quickly ran out)

>the job is done
>continue with my life

>i table a disgusting catperson furry out of hate
>security calls me
>i take the catperson with me because they seemed to like it
>i see my archnemesis, kamex, in cuffs and the officer asks me some questions
>suddenly He comes
>His Grace
>i walk around in the brig when suddenly, his grace awakens
>the ligger, kamex, runs right into His mouth.
>He lunges at me but using my superior intellect i dove back, leading the catperson to be sacrificed to His mouth because i was dragging them at the time
>it was a good sacrifice
>drag bodies to cloning
>the job is done
>continue with my life

>later i go to cloning to get hulk, the geneticist gives me an injector and i tell him that it's tempo, he gets upset and turns me into a monkey before killing me with his friend, this is how goose's story ends...

>it was a good run

InsaneHyena · Post by **InsaneHyena** » Sun Aug 20, 2017 7:57 pm #327966

>When I run a gimmick

DEAD: Pepper Serrano says, "this is a shit admin event"
DEAD: ADMIN(Gouty) says, "It wasn't a fucking admin event"
DEAD: Pepper Serrano asks, "i mean it has a really good premise, right?"
DEAD: Jere Stradford says, "we answer riddles right, and we get blown up."
DEAD: Jet Johnson says, "oh my god"
DEAD: Pepper Serrano says, "but the punishments are intense"
DEAD: Pepper Serrano asks, "syndicate command sending in messages and pressing "Kill station" Buttons when we respond isn't an admin event?"
DEAD: John Mooney says, "MAN"
DEAD: ADMIN(Gouty) says, "literally all someone did was spend their TC to make announcments and y'all are salty as fuck"
DEAD: John Mooney says, "What a round"
DEAD: Pepper Serrano says, "ohhh"
DEAD: Paxton Lowstetter says, "blob, kudzu, admins, rogue miners"
DEAD: Paxton Lowstetter asks, "anything else?"
DEAD: Harvey Richards says, "OKAY"
DEAD: ADMIN(Gouty) says, "no buttons pressed"
DEAD: Pepper Serrano asks, "how much TC did this cost?"
DEAD: Harvey Richards says, "WEEW"
DEAD: John Mooney says, "GG ADMIN"
DEAD: Skiliar Lynemann says, "gouty"
DEAD: Skiliar Lynemann asks, "was that NOT you?"
DEAD: ADMIN(Gouty) says, "20tc for messages"
DEAD: Skiliar Lynemann says, "Oh"
DEAD: Shiloh Bailey says, "Wow."
DEAD: Pepper Serrano says, "oh, so the bombs are like"
DEAD: Harvey Richards asks, "What?"
DEAD: Jere Stradford asks, "and the bombs?"
DEAD: Pepper Serrano says, "i guess they did the bombs themselves."
DEAD: Jere Stradford asks, "maxcap meme bombs?"
DEAD: ADMIN(Gouty) says, "bombs are not me"
DEAD: Harvey Richards says, "h--"
DEAD: Pepper Serrano says, "wow, okay, that's really clever then"
DEAD: Harvey Richards asks, "WHAT?"
DEAD: Pepper Serrano says, "so someone set up their own game show"
DEAD: Cassian Sauter says, "who blew up escape then"
DEAD: Harvey Richards says, "Okay, That's actually pretty damn nice."
DEAD: Harvey Richards says, "jesus fucking christ."
DEAD: Pepper Serrano says, "a traitor with maxcaps"
DEAD: Harvey Richards says, "Nice work."
DEAD: Harvey Richards says, "Im serious that legit suprises me"
DEAD: Pepper Serrano says, "and the meteors and blob were just"
DEAD: Pepper Serrano asks, "random chance?"
DEAD: Harvey Richards says, "welp"
DEAD: Skiliar Lynemann says, "yeah"
DEAD: Pepper Serrano says, "wow"
DEAD: Andre Three Thousand says, "welp"
DEAD: Harvey Richards says, "Guess so"
DEAD: Harvey Richards says, "Holy sit"
DEAD: Paxton Lowstetter says, "what a round"
DEAD: Jere Stradford says, "welcome to cuck station 13."

Post by **Hulkamania** » Wed Aug 23, 2017 6:05 am #329511

A little bit just bragging but

>hijack objective
>go for the AI law module and an emag
>CE so easy access to upload board in storage
>set it up, law 0 the AI that only I am allowed to leave the station under any circumstances
>AI bro and I immediately set plan into action, plasma flood
>another atmos technician is already trying to flood plasma, so just pin it on him and just "accidentally" forget to quit filling the mix chamber
>Meanwhile I disguise a freon canister as an air tank, take it to escape for later
>disable bolt lights, bolt all escape airlocks and emag them for extra security
>emag the borgs and get them in on everything
>the whole team works together well, borgs causing problems and the AI playing things smooth
>after the shuttle gets called from an unrelated explosion everything falls into place
>Freon prevents people from easily accessing escape, people who do make it soon freeze to death
>a few crew members make it past, just open the airlocks to space and kill them with the pressure
>AI initiates plasma flood soon after, any chance of getting to the shuttle is more or less zero
>successfully hijack shuttle with two borg friends, someone finally got to the AI at the very end
>Land at Syndie HQ, kick back and get assraped by a thousand holo-carps spawned by alphonzo
>Mission accomplished

Couldn't have done it without the awesome borgs and the AI, the whole teamwork aspect made it amazing, the successful hijack was just icing on the cake.

bman · Post by **bman** » Wed Aug 30, 2017 9:04 pm #332129

[center]The Communist Saga[/center]

I, Vladimir Lenin, sought out the Nanotrasen station South Town Six in order to enlighten the crew about Bolshevism, I soon came to power...

I was quickly attacked and seized by a changeling.

[19:12:24]SAY: Gabriel Biery/Hamfam77 : THE Vladimir? (143,172,2)
[19:12:25]EMOTE: Basilman/(Vladimir Lenin) : <b>Vladimir Lenin</b> nods. (142,171,2)
-Suddenly, they flashed, restrained, and muted me...-
[19:12:48]EMOTE: Basilman/(Vladimir Lenin) : <b>Vladimir Lenin</b> is being seized by the means of production. (146,169,2)

[19:12:54]SAY: Gabriel Biery/Hamfam77 : You know what (145,168,2)
9:12:59]SAY: Gabriel Biery/Hamfam77 : I like you and your gimmick that much
[19:13:03]SAY: Gabriel Biery/Hamfam77 : Im not going to kill you (145,168,2) (145,168,2)
[19:13:09]SAY: Gabriel Biery/Hamfam77 : Im going to do you a favor (145,168,2)
-They granted me access to the changeling communication network, Lenin's power rose...-

[19:17:19]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : The Bourgeois are going insane. (135,148,2)
19:17:36]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : That is to be expected of mindless hedonism. (137,148,2)

I quickly rushed to the bridge and announced the creation of The Bolshevik Party.

[19:22:27]SAY: Basilman/(Vladimir Lenin) has made a priority announcement: Hello crew, The Bolshevik Party is now open for new members, join this new uprising of the working class. Contact Vladimir Lenin for more information. (107,134,2)[/b]

I found myself recruiting more and more members, and giving out laborer's uniforms...
[19:20:44]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : Frog.. (95,132,2)
[19:20:51]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : Would you like to join The Bolshevik party? (95,132,2)

[19:27:51]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : Hello, catperson. (91,126,2)
[19:27:59]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : Would you like to become a Bolshevik today? (94,127,2)
[19:28:07]SAY: Amy Kimbrough/Banana Bag : Absolutely (93,127,2)
[19:28:11]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : Here you go.. (95,127,2)
[19:28:16]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : Red, or blue? (95,127,2)
[19:28:24]SAY: Amy Kimbrough/Banana Bag : Soviet red (93,127,2)
[19:28:32]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : Good choice, comrade. (95,127,2)

Later on, after The Bolshevik had established itself.

[19:29:16]SAY: Edward Sloan/BeeSting12 : Why were borgs blown (113,109,2)
[19:29:26]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : They were capitalists. (139,162,2)
--
[19:33:08]SAY: Edward Sloan/BeeSting12 : I'm force borging Hipster Clown for being a cunt and trying to space a brain (114,83,2)
[19:33:53]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : I see, you are forcing the clown to submit to your fascist system, that analyzes based on rank and wealth, and not character. (112,113,2)
--

[19:40:20]SAY: Isaac Riker/Infuriatedigloo : DISABLE THEM ALL!

[19:40:38]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : My brothers. (107,86,2)
[19:40:43]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : Now is the time to rise up, more than ever. (107,86,2)
[19:40:49]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : Arm yourselves against the elite class. (107,92,2)
[19:40:58]SAY: Vladimir Lenin/Basilman : They have given out the order to arrest you all. (107,97,2)

[19:44:28]ADMIN: Gouty/(Carlos Danger) played sound USSR.midi
19:44:34]SAY: ULTRON/14tarkus96 : VLADIMIR LENIN IS TRYING TO RISE A COMMUNIST PARTY ON THE STATION (214,143,2)

[19:48:47]SAY: Basilman/(Vladimir Lenin) has sent a message to the other server: We are now communists, my comrade. Have you destroyed your authoritarian state yet? (107,134,2)

[19:48:51]SAY: Edward Sloan/BeeSting12 : Who do I kill (100,180,2)
[19:48:59]SAY: Suzuka Nakamoto/ViperSnake01 : Communists (102,170,2)
[19:51:05]SAY: Suzuka Nakamoto/ViperSnake01 : FUCK OFF COMMUNISM (111,174,2)

[19:48:54]ADMIN: MrAlphonzo/(Rex Salazar) has created a command report: We're noticing a shortage of patriotism on the station. We will rectify this communism with haste.
--Centcomm had sent a super-soldier to table Lenin, luckily though, this did not stagger The Bolshevik party...--
[19:53:56]SAY: Ghost/juanototo2 : Tabling the head of the communist revolution? Good thinking, cut off the head - but we neeed something stronger. (118,132,2)
[19:52:41]ADMIN: MrAlphonzo/(Rex Salazar) has created a command report: Mission accomplished Communist tabled. Returning to base.

[19:56:05]SAY: Johan Svedberg/ClarkyUT : Brothers in Communism (70,134,2)
[19:58:03]SAY: Boris Kevrun/Tranquill : COMMUNISM WILL RISE! (135,140,2)
[20:09:20]SAY: Kim Wolf/Shamzie : COMMUNIST REPUBLICAN!! (107,71,2)

Later on...

[20:12:58]SAY: Esteban Hoopengarner/Build_R_ : Use the power of communism to take it back (94,115,2)
The syndicates were eradicated by The Soviet...

[youtube]_sxTbfeYdO0[/youtube]

bman · Post by **bman** » Thu Aug 31, 2017 5:22 am #332387

so SELFLESSLY TRUE COMMUNIST

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Thu Aug 31, 2017 4:43 pm #332522

wtf i totally like bman now

bman · Post by **bman** » Thu Aug 31, 2017 10:13 pm #332717

After Lenin had died, the soviets loved him too much to let his memory pass away, and his mummy was put on display...

With time, some changes were made to the exhibit's design...

Spoiler:

Post by **Dax Dupont** » Sun Sep 03, 2017 1:49 pm #333492

>be lawyer
>people asking sec for a helmet to make an electric chair for suicide
>They dont know how to set it up so they kill themselves with an electric grille conveyor belt instead
>I arrive and set it up
>People start strapping themselves to it and we keep obliging
>We start advertising THE RIDE, THE LAST RIDE YOU'LL EVER TAKE
>People keep killing themselves with it
>Guy gets cloned over and over to ride it again and again
>Some assistant accidently runs into the shocked grille contraption instead of using the chair
>awhisper: "He's dead jim"
>get boinked and asked about the ride, the giant burger above it and I was worried I was in trouble for some reason
>vekter just goes: thanks for the hearty laugh
>Admins renames the chair into THE RIDE and put a big WARNING WARNING: DEATH! sign next to it.
>People tried to bomb the chair with a big chem nade but pick up up and toss it away
>security starts getting upset, even though the HoS approved of the ride by riding it
>to satiate security I made a "permit" that just states "it legal" that i stamped.
>IT WORKS! For most of the shift anyways
>shit gets too damaged and we need to relocate to escape
>Eventually security gets upset and call in three officers to take down the chair
>Grab the epack/helmet thing and run off with it
>Captain tells sec to fuck off and leave us alone
>Its back up in escape!
>Both me and my companion in crime execute ourselves too
>people still ride the ride even when we're long gone
>the ride never ends

AnonymousNow · Sun Sep 03, 2017 3:34 pm

AdAstraPerAspera wrote:~

I was that captain. Central Command sent us extra cloner parts just for the people on the ride, so it was fine by me, so long as people did it to themselves.

It's great to see people making projects instead of committing suicide or calling the shuttle.

Post by **Dax Dupont** » Sun Sep 03, 2017 3:55 pm #333515

AnonymousNow wrote:
AdAstraPerAspera wrote:~
I was that captain. Central Command sent us extra cloner parts just for the people on the ride, so it was fine by me, so long as people did it to themselves.

It's great to see people making projects instead of committing suicide or calling the shuttle.

I don't understand why security was so butthurt about it. I love how my paper with "it legal" and stamp held them off for 80% of the time.

Tue Sep 05, 2017 9:34 pm

STORY TIME

>YOU ARE A TRAITOR
>HIJACK OBJECTIVE
OH FUCK
>Quickly steal A.I. upload
>A.I. eventually finds out but nobody seems to care
>Get console up, one human the A.I. and tell him to make more borgs
>eventually gets pretty bad, captain finds out but luckily comms get shut down.
>Borgs end up killing the captain, take his head to robotics to have a friendly roboticist take out their brains
>things start heating up (literarly) as I tell the borgs to start siphoning plasma into the station since I need as many dead people as possible
>RD almost stops them but I upload this law

>End up saving the borgs, head over to robotics to attempt to help the borgs out while avoiding the fire
>suddenly a gigantic penguin comes out of nowhere

>pic related
>remember that I have Hijack objective, shuttle comes and tell them to KILL EVERYBODY (except me of course)
>penguin keeps heckling me for my sins
>end up on shuttle, emag it and end up on the main shuttle with a few people
>looking good, borgs kill everyone

>Jarek kills me at the end

WHAT A FUCKING SHIFT

bman · Post by **bman** » Thu Sep 07, 2017 1:14 am #334454

SCURRA BARDUS DOING THE LORD'S WORK

Slignerd · Post by **Slignerd** » Mon Sep 11, 2017 7:42 pm #335723

So, I'm an AI, and I have this large antechamber.

Bored as hell, I end up asking my cyborg to set up a nice lounge, and then set the freshly-built lounge to public access. Captain and Chief Engineer *hate it*, but people come in anyways.

I'm ordered to stop it, but I stall those orders as long as I can. It's genuinely harmless fun, and I'm not in a rush to cave in just because some players lack chill.

There are two lizards who are regulars there. But eventually, a third lizard arrives, a scientist. They get into the AI Upload, so I immediately alert security and command.

But even without security and command, I still have my turrets. Once the scientist gets stunned, the one who ends up dragging him out of the upload is the lizard mime, who restrains them with cable.

But then Captain and CE arrive, and rather than deal with the scientist, they're more concerned with crashing the party - the lizard scientist is freed, then he almost kills the mime, and then Captain and CE try to change my laws.

After seeing their poor judgement, I'm having none of it - they will not be allowed to change my laws. I stun the hell out of both. But they have a pocket AI with them.

While the pocket AI very much sided with them, and tried to shut down the turrets, for some reason it regularly changed the turrets to lethal. I'm changing them back to stun numerous times, but at some point when the other AI turned turrets to lethal while they were still active, I just considered myself not responsible for anything that happens next.

Once the Captain and CE are toast, I inform the crew of what happened, obviously. But then the usual "AI is rogue!" hell breaks out, and some folks try to break into my core to claim their valids.

Some flyperson made three attempts, and two of these attempts actually breached my core. But in the end all went well, as they were subsequently fried by laser.

At the end, the lizard mime stuck around, helped me out by patching holes in my chamber and hanging out, which really kept my spirits up.

Not-Dorsidarf · Sun Jul 30, 2023 1:33 am

What kind of idiots make a pocket AI whose laws let them harm them.

Slignerd · Post by **Slignerd** » Mon Sep 11, 2017 10:46 pm #335802

I think it was Asimov actually, and for some reason thought that changing turrets to lethal was acceptable.

It probably thought that if it changed setting to lethal, then I would be to blame if I turned the turrets on. Unfortunately for it, I did turn the turrets on, but changed it back to stun every time I did. The only time I failed to turn it back, was when the pocket AI changed it to lethal while the turrets were already active.

It then tried to claim that I was the one who harmed them. Sad!

bman · Post by **bman** » Thu Sep 14, 2017 7:49 pm #337066

Fri Sep 15, 2017 12:00 am

bman wrote:

oh fuck that was hiliarious

I remember seeing you, were you on bagil and sybil?

Fri Sep 22, 2017 8:15 am

>be Cultmaster graytide
>alphonzo creates a meme-lobster named peter-parker
>thing goes fast as fuck, can't pin him down
>still, I got a few converts
>mime actually ends up getting our target when I didn't even realize it
>get confused, think mime is trying to convert the sec officer so I walk away
>lost him when I finally realized
>going back to converting people
>LOBSTER STEALS ONE OF MY CONVERTS THAT I STUN BEFORE I CAN CONVERT
>ahelp to yell at alphonzo but I really don't care lmao

>gives me a free convert
>end up making a pretty sick base, getting a good amount of converts
>see lobster slowing down for a second
>:thonking:
>stunpaper lobster
>convert him

>station gets fucked up, machines start animating to life though so the shuttle gets called
>barely have like 7 people
>can't find target anywhere, probably in the brig
>yell at cult to go into brig, nobody answers so I decide to do it myself
>equiped with aids syringe, have about 4
>get attacked by chaplain in brig, aids syringe him
>see target, aids syringe him and drag him away
>chaplain gets back up, syringe him again
>HoP finds out, runs after us
>WE BOTH SHOOT OUR PROJECTILES AT THE EXACT SAME MOMMENT
>get stunned, but my stun lasts longer so I am able to get away with the target
>teleport back to base and offer with little time to spare
>end up summoning with EXACTLY 9 people

HOLY FUCK

Nabski · Post by **Nabski** » Thu Sep 28, 2017 8:54 pm #341806

Roll up a traitor botanist. After a previous failure thinking I could throw things to transfer contents with the tomato gene, I'm told I need to use the gene from death nettles.

Chemists are missing so I try to break in a steal a chem machine. I get arrested but no-one cares. I see a borg fixing the window and tell it to get me a chem machine. It won't just grab me a chem machine but instead makes a science based one and brings back high tier parts for it too!

Make a death plant that I can throw at people for lethal cyaninde. I realize this will get me lynched and switch it to amantin. So it will be no hint then just drop down dead. Somewhere around this time I fuck up and eat one myself. I am now basically addicted to my death beets, if I don't eat them I will die.

Some random guy brings me a pair of thermal googles for reasons unknown, and I steal the galoshes from the janitor who was my target. I'm now running around with a bunch of high potency banana peels throwing beets at people.

I'm arrested, and interrogated by Jan Vincent Micheal, taken to the medical room near perma, cuffed, cuffed to bed, he's putting the straight jacket on me and . . . . He drops dead from beet poisoning. I'm saved!

Drop dead from not fulfilling my beet addiction, Whoops.

Admin messages in amusement since he was the one doing the arresting that dropped dead.

Nilons · Post by **Nilons** » Fri Sep 29, 2017 10:50 am #341984

Ostrava of the Federation and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day:

>Start shift to find I rolled wizard, Ostrava of the Federation lives
>take phylactery, jaunt, armour, staff of animation and flesh to stone because I wanna try out the flesh to stone animation combo as it doesnt remove people from the round for the most part and seems like fun
>land in xenobio and catch the guy at the console before he even moves, get another scientist coming to investigate shortly after and animate both, things are looking good.
>leave my phylactery in containment because its out of the way and I can jaunt out if I respawn
>head down to robotics and bludgeon a guy to death while flesh to stone is on cooldown, 4 statues running around at this time causing havoc that I can hear over the radio
>Chaplain runs in with holy water fire extinguisher and gets a weaken, cant jaunt out because of holy water extinguisher blcoking the tiles
>wait for my phylactery to work and get worried because people in dchat are saying there should be a revive button and that its really buggy
>chaplain loots my body and keeps most of the stuff, cremates the corpse
>spawn on my phylactery a human, with no magic powers to speak of
>ahelp both admins online and get responses essentially saying that its a bug and im pretty much fucked for the round
>after a while of sitting there original statue come back and lets me out in exchange for my hat when I tell him I lost my powers
>go collect a uniform and integrate into crew, no one gives me any real hassle and the CE said he'd talk to the HoP about getting me an ID
>clown slips the chaplain to give me the opportunity to steal my armour back
>decide not to because without powers Im seriously ill equipped to start fights and if he doesn't wanna give it back itll just be more headache
>later on ask the chaplain for it back, he agrees and takes me to the chapel so he can grab his armour
>tells me I can have the spellbook back too, the book doesn't recognize me of course,
>chaplain valids the fuck out of me while i'm typing about the spellbook because he can
>apparently someone was spreading romerol around or something else that results in zombies, saw lings talking to each other while I was a ghost so I have no fucking clue what this round was
>wake up a zombie and plan on beating the chaplain to death
>can't break chapel doors with zombie hands so I go out the window, misstep because of lag and go floating into the void
>spend 10 minutes floating through space and spend some time typing this up
>eventually hit a ruin and 180 to try and get back to the station
>10 MORE minutes later get back to the station
>wander around and see the station is powerfully fucked
>slap a few people who run past to give them zombie infection but otherwise leave them be
>start talking to a few crewman about how I became an ex-wizard zombie
>gygax runs up and kills me
>the pilot gets out and it's none other than the bro from xenobio who let me out
>turns out he killed me so he could clone me and that would cure the zombification
>other crewmembers try to convince him not to clone me because I'm an ex-wizard
>he tells them that I'm basically harmless and they allow me to be cloned
>Meandre about for a while, doing nothing
>see the hop in his office, finally get my ID
>go to see if I can get my spellbook back from the chaplains office for sentimental value
>hes been missing since he valid'd me so no one stops me
>some random engi lets me in
>grab my shit and decide to do some antagonistic shit since I might as well do SOMETHING of note this round
>go through maint up into engineering and collect a full setup of engi gear
>the AI is subverted so everyone's concerned with that while I go fuck with the SM
>regret not bothering to learn the SM because I can't sabotage it
>settle for venting the room and depowering the station via wire cutting and smes destroying
>throw some shit into the sm for good measure and manage to soft crit myself from the radiation
>prefuckery epinepherine keeps me alive
>drag myself through space and various hull breaches to get to the plasmafire hellscape that is now the station proper all the way from the SM on delta to the medbay
>get caught by a zombie and killed as I get there
>resurrect as zombie just in time for my killer to be fighting the chaplain, rush him but he's been hiding in space all round and has phat loot plus laser weapons
>think its over because I'm just dead and the chaplain took my head off
>suddenly I'm alive in the morgue, on my original respawn with the phylactery
>scramble to pull internals off another body in the morgue
>a plasmafire is sparking up from an open canister nearby and is spreading towards the morgue
>try to hide inside a tray to see if it will protect me
>doesn't work, heats getting through
>chance it and inject epinephrine before running through the fire to safety
>stop drop and roll almost enough to put out the fire but die anyways
>Just as the shuttle leaves I'm spawned from my phylactery again
>get up in time to epinephrine myself once more and loot a miner for his internals and capsule
>use capsule in medbay lobby and achieve assassination objective and stay alive objective.

And that's how my phylactery stole all my wizard powers and subsequently made me such a non threat no one bothered to destroy it