Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

[D&B]

Bottom post of the previous page:

>Miner
>You're a cultist
>Fug :-DDD
>Turn the other miner into a construct
>Have him poop shards and shells while I try to get more people
>On station, go to RnD to drop our minerals and get upgrades
>See Kaff Eine has already built telescience
>Like always
>Gives me science access before locking himself out of his own office
>Print two upgrades before someone yells out that cargo and mining are cult.
>Kill the assistants and the clown that wanted to break in to fight the artificer
>Kill two scientists that teleported down to mining
>Put them on shells and move them station side
>Other cult members have already raided the armory and converted a bunch
>Move towards RnD when I see captain Oldman go into the bridge fully armed
>Go in the bridge, hold my shots until he can be hit
>Take his ID and shard him
>Move to RnD quickly
>See Kaff loading a bomb into telescience
>Fug :-DDD
>Quickly shoot them and prevent ourselves from being blown up
>Barely saved the cult from being blown up
>Tfw

[cedarbridge]

>lowpop sybil
>haven't played a lot lately, lets roll in
>All-Access Man, one of two times I'd ever played the role.
>Also you're the traitor. Kill that fuckin AI
>Yeah sure, its lowpop and the AI will probably thank me for putting it out of its misery
>botanist gets his chem access
>chemist gets borged
>discounted AI law board, wew the discounts read my mind
>about to walk into the upload and suddenly both broborgs arrive to yell about how I need to get out of the upload
>I'm acting captain, borg. Fuck off.
>no bro
>yeah fine
>fuck off, wander around, AI makes it real obvious I'm being tracked now. Doors open everywhere I go without touching them. He's onto me.
>duck into maint to dodge the camera tracking until I hear it complaining about some lizard getting beat up
>grab that upload console board from storage before the AI even knows I'm there
>almost set up a console in my office but there's too much traffic in a lowpop round for some reason
>dorms
>spam that AI with probably 8-9 laws
>"Hey AI, we understand eachother now?"
>"Yep"
>buy a binary key to hang out with my bros
>walk out of dorms into a fuckstorm of plasma
>that was fast
>broborgs running around bashing things with guitars
>screaming lizards
>whole hallways painted with "Fuck lizards" graffiti
>skate to a hijack after ordering the AI to wipe itself

Long story for something that really wasn't probably that special, but everyone still seemed to have a good time and having a pair of service borgs tearing around the station causing trouble just to have the AI that orchestrated most of it self-wipe to fulfill an objective made it all the better.

[Xhuis]

Nobody expects the service borg. If you're hacked and act as a robotic assassin, you know that you're the last to be locked down and the first to be freed, not to mention that you're the last suspect in the actual crimes.

[cedarbridge]

Nobody expects the service borg. If you're hacked and act as a robotic assassin, you know that you're the last to be locked down and the first to be freed, not to mention that you're the last suspect in the actual crimes.

This was extra true in the era before the service borg's instrument had a hit_sound

[killerx09]

(It's the start of the shift, and our clown has a... rather novel gimmick.)

[Common] Baits-For-Clicks hisses, "18 Waysss To Keep Your SSStation SSSyndie-Free."


(At first it looks like they just plan to spend the shift doing color commentary.)

[Common] Kazuko Gurezaki says, "Let's get one thing straight, as of now we are a family. I run a tight ship, but I will die before I let a single one of you get hurt. Feel free to call me Captain Zaki"
[Common] Baits-For-Clicks exclaims, "8 Captainsss You Won't Believe Went Off The Deep End!"

[Common] Kazuko Gurezaki says, "It's not a great start to the day when somebody offs themselves right off the bat."
[Engineering] Kyla Zalack says, "Think I'll wire SMES for backup and hunt mice"
[Common] Kazuko Gurezaki says, "Crap"
[Common] Baits-For-Clicks hisses, "9 Waysss To Have A SSShocking SSSuicide To Baffle Your Coworkersss"

[Common] Gina GeForce says, "Uh, somebody broke into captain's office."
[Common] Gina GeForce says, "The spare ID is gone."
[Engineering] Roy Olphert asks, "Who wants to fix the caps office doors?"
[Engineering] Kyla Zalack says, "Not it, wrong side of station"
[Engineering] Davis Hardie asks, "It emagged?"
[Engineering] Roy Olphert says, "Unlikely."
[Common] Gina GeForce says, "Captain, your ID is gone."
[Common] Gina GeForce says, "The perpetrator went in from teleporter room."
[Engineering] Davis Hardie says, "Ill check it out"
[Common] Gina GeForce says, "One hand tele is gone."
[Engineering] Roy Olphert says, "Thanks."
[Common] Gina GeForce says, "I am securing the other."
[Engineering] Davis Hardie says, "Yeah. emagged"
[Engineering] Roy Olphert says, "Passing it on to the cap."
[Common] Baits-For-Clicks exclaims, "9 Waysss To Gain Illicit Accesss You Won't Believe!"
[Common] Kyla Zalack exclaims, "Security HATES this list!"


(But THEN...)

Captain Announces
I am issuing a high profile arrest warrent for the clown "Baits-For-Clicks", they commited major trespass and grand theft by breaking into the Captain's office and stealing the spare ID card.

[Common] Jesus Hermando asks, "Does this mean he is legit to kill?"
[Common] Kazuko Gurezaki says, "I have not yet issued a kill order."
[Common] Jesus Hermando says, "Issue it and then we'll talk."
[Common] Kazuko Gurezaki says, "I would prefer the clown be brought in alive to face punishment."
[Common] Baits-For-Clicks exclaims, "10 Baffling SSStoriesss Of SSSyndicatesss That Got Away With It!"
[Common] Kyla Zalack says, "Okay this traitor lizard is genuinely amazing"
[Common] Kazuko Gurezaki says, "He is mocking me..."
[Common] Davis Hardie says, "Oh him? hes near nuke core"
[Common] Davis Hardie says, "Probably breaking in right now"
[Common] Baits-For-Clicks hisses, "11 Mindblowing Clownsss Who Are Definitely Mocking Captainsss"

Captain Announces
Do to a lack of security resources and the severity of "Baits-For-Clicks"'s crimes, I am hereby officially issuing a kill order.

[Common] Gina GeForce says, "Traitor must have went into maints."
[Common] Gina GeForce exclaims, "Hey, secure the armory!"
[Common] Gina GeForce exclaims, "He has all-access!"
[Common] Gina GeForce exclaims, "Get there before he does!"
[Common] Baits-For-Clicks exclaims, "19 Waysss To Avoid Kill Ordersss- You Won't Believe Thessse Methodsss!"
[Common] Ruby Radeon exclaims, "Disable him!"
[Common] Kazuko Gurezaki says, "AI lock down the armory NOW"
[Common] Gina GeForce yells, "Captain, HoP, do something!!"
[Engineering] Poly yells, "Move"
[Common] Jesus Hermando yells, "AWW YISS CLOWN IS LEGIT!!"
[Common] Baits-For-Clicks hisses, "4 Legit Clownsss Who Have A Misssion And Can't Be SSStopped"
[Common] Jesus Hermando yells, "WHO COMING WITH ME FOR CLOWN HUNTING?!!"

Captain Announces
On top of the kill order I issued earlier, I am hereby allowing a formal manhunt for the traitor known as "Baits-For-Clicks", lethal force has been authorised and whomever brings this criminal down will recieve a substantial reward.

[Common] Baits-For-Clicks exclaims, "7 Futile But Well Meaning Tasssksss That Will Amaze You!"


(Much searching ensues, to no avail)

[Common] Jesus Hermando says, "No sign of Clown yet, Captain."
[Common] Baits-For-Clicks hisses, "9 Dissstracting Clownsss With Mindblowing Methodsss"
[Engineering] Davis Hardie says, "Basically theirs an evil clown hiding in the dark scary maintenance shafts... fuck"
[Common] Ruby Radeon says, "6 Syringes that will Absolutely Blow You Out"
[Common] Kaiser Kothe asks, "M how would we at the medbay even ssstop the clown?"


(Eventually, however, they crossed paths with the wrong department.)

[Common] Kazuko Gurezaki asks, "Damn it Baits, where are you hiding?"
[Common] Ruby Radeon says, "He's syringed"
[Common] Gina GeForce exclaims, "He was last seen in medical maints!"
[Common] Gina GeForce exclaims, "We morphine'd him!"
[Common] Kazuko Gurezaki says, "Good work! Hopefully he passed out somewhere"


(Sure enough, when I arrived in medical maint, I found like 8 people whaling on a prone figure.)

Gina GeForce has kicked Baits-For-Clicks!
Gina GeForce has kicked Baits-For-Clicks!
Gina GeForce has kicked Baits-For-Clicks!
Baits-For-Clicks seizes up and falls limp, her eyes dead and lifeless...
Gina GeForce has kicked Unknown!
*---------*
This is Unknown!
She is restrained with cable!
She is limp and unresponsive; there are no signs of life...
Its body is devastated by multiple bullet wounds!
She has several extremely severe blistered burns!
Its skin and lips are bluish in colour.
She is bleeding very slightly.
*---------*
[Common] Jesus Hermando yells, "OLE CLOWN IN MEDBAY MAINT!!"
Gina GeForce exclaims, "TEAM GEFORCE FOR THE WIN!"
Gina GeForce puts the rapid syringe gun into the medical satchel.
Gina GeForce puts the syringe gun into the medical satchel.
Davis Hardie puts the bola into the industrial satchel.
[Common] Kyla Zalack says, "Spam lizard down"
[Common] Gina GeForce exclaims, "Told you morphine would do it!"

[Common] Gina GeForce exclaims, "We killed the damned traitor!"
[Common] Ruby Radeon says, "The things we did just to kill the clown"
[Common] Kaiser Kothe hisses, "Fuck, you guysss actually did it."
[Common] Gina GeForce exclaims, "We deserve a reward!"
[Common] Ruby Radeon says, "One HOP morphine'd, one engineer toxin'ed"
[Common] Gina GeForce says, "A little bit of collateral damage."
[Common] Gina GeForce says, "But it's worth it."
[Common] Kyla Zalack says, "Quite a mob after him by the end. Testament to how formidable a foe he was."
[Common] Gina GeForce says, "2 Amazingly Hot Doctors that JUST HAPPENED to kill a traitor."

[confused rock]

Either that story is hella old or they reused that gimmick jus sayin

[Qbopper]

>Private Eye Mister Mime
>get detective access from the captain
>walk into det's office
>he's sitting in his chair and looks at me
>moment of silence
>"we're going to need to get you a fancy hat"
>take immense pleasure in the fact that the detective is pro fun
>get equipped, start doing rounds
>bartender in back room is being brutally murdered by assistant
>they run off, PDA asking to speak with them (hah)
>promise I won't shoot them on sight
>I don't have a gun just come to the brig please
>they actually come
>go to interrogation
>they explain their story
>bartender was shooting patrons and shit
>extend my hand
>"[assistant] shakes it..?"
>wew
>let them go about their business after confirming that was the case
>detective is braindead, grab his pistol and keep him in brig with a note explaining
>whispers of rogue AI are ignored because BLOOD DRIVE
>centcomm donates cabbages as incentive
>go do that
>mill around for a bit
>pass by the locker room
>TWO HUMAN>BORG MACHINES LYING IN THE OPEN
>good thing the trenchcoat is brown because I shit myself
>run
>borg gives chase
>lose them in the halls, stop at bridge and frantically try to warn the captain
>get stunned mid me*
>highlight the emote I was doing, type "sighs."
>borg drops me on the conveyor
>it won't pull me in?
>he complains for a second
>forgets to stun me again
>get up
>yank out my pistol
>blast the borg as I run the fuck away
>captain makes an announcement but doesn't blow the borgs or anything
>run to the brig hoping the ion gun is still there
>realize I don't have access or insulated gloves
>make a big deal via emotes for the ghosts
>panic a little until the warden shows up
>opens it up and hands out guns to me and another guy
>anti borg swat team rolls out
>murder a hapless borg outside of brig
>make our way through maint to the locker room
>silicon genocide is now
>kill every borg there
>final shot from my gun kills the last borg, I'm out of energy
>check arrivals, recharger there is depowered
>go back to the locker room - another borg shows up
>he's on fire(?)
>lights me and another guy on fire, the warden went back to the brig apparently
>panic since I'm out of ammo and laser guns
>pass out
>borg attempts to drag me to the (now lone) functional converter
>hold my breath irl
>die while in crit as he drops my body onto the conveyor belt, no deathgasp or anything

The AI had to stay alive and kill a scientist and they still redtexted because the scientist got revived seconds before the round ended

[Screemonster]

snip

I've heard this story before but the question I have is...

Was the clown actually a traitor or did they just get baited into this murderous frenzy just by radio-taunts?

[Alipheese]

>lateish bagil
>forget to ready in lobby
>decide to be captain
>deltastation
>go to my office and start gearing up
>no hos
>no security
>oh boy billy!
>walk around and see if people are doing their jobs
>walking down to medbay from cargo
>bryce pax runs into me and pushes me over
>stops and brags about it
>get up telebaton him
>cablecuff and drag him into my office
>try to ask him why he would do such a thing
>put him in renaults bed and take a picture
>release him and make copies and put em out about in the station
>by this time brig is getting bombed multiple times
>hop is being suicide bombed by the 2 remaining members of security
>check out hops office as some assistant walks by
>wanna be the new hop?
>Nova mull temp hop
>situate her, cmo messages me that hop killed em
>tell them of the new hop
>at this time we get a HoS in, sitrep him
>go make a healing virus in this seemingly peaceful time
>walking out of virology hear we have borers
>finished it in time to find out an assistant has impersonated the HoS and turned the Hop and sec team against him
>sec team starts filling up, have to unarrest the HoS twice from the sec team
>find out the fake HoS has literally kidnapped the HoP and is taking her away
>i have put so much effort gearing the new HoP up and get her going i aint letting this happen
>secteam and i head to escape and find them through maint and chase into science, recover Nova
>she said she was shot with the dets gun at point blank 3 times and beat up
>not a scratch on her from the virus
>we track the fake hos down again at arrivals and finally get him
>order his excution/borging
>mime snags him away and a minute of saxxing before we got the fake hos back
>arrest the mime and drag him as i go back to escape to recover dropped security items
>people acting suspicious as fuck so i drag the mime into space
>bitch him out on why he shouldnt interrupt us and he just wont cooperate
>threaten to space his damn ass untill he goes unconcious from oxyloss
>drag him to science for a borging/ai'ing as the fifth ai we would have that round
>too many shits to deal with a mime in my way
>sweep by hops office to see if they're okay now
>robustin the virologist that was brain dead earlier broke in and was attacking her
>with the hop disabler firing line him and drag him out
>give the hop a selection of what was now the armory/recovered traitor toys in my showerroom
>it was strictly professional okay
>she snags an ebow
>officer comes in wanting to be my co-captain
>tell them to chill before we call shuttle
>go into my shower to get the rest of the weapons
>come out and Nova's freaking out saying a slug got her
>god damn borer taking control
>disabler her as it tries to take her and run
>drag her to medbay, sugar her up
>go to surgery
>CMO, CE, RD all come in at the same time from the 3 doors into surgery
>this is abit suspicious but i gotta deslug nova
>its mething and killing her fast
>kills her before i can get it out
>roleplaying anger and head to clone her
>the heads saying im taking it too serious and to let it go
>the borers arent bad captain
>scanned but wont clone
>go back with her body to surgery to redress her as they start to come at me and flee through maint
>shuttles almost here
>go fling myself outside escape to escape the borer heads
>hear nova on radio as im still dragging her body
>go find her in surgery dressing
>we try to get to a pod but cant
>she spaces herself
>all i see is her pda slowly drifting into space
>fling myself out to try to get her back screaming after her
>after a minute of drifting go back to station
>with a recovered emag use comms to tell the syndicate because of their little borers ill find and kill them all for nova
>rest in the empty halls of my bloody, destroyed, horrific station as the captain, as it goes down with the round

[MrEousTranger]

>assistant
>decide not to be a greytiding shit
>Name: Uzz Baldrin
>talk to HoP he makes me an astronaut
>get space suit and fly out arrivals
>floating In a most peculiar way.gif
>been a few minutes haven't hit anything
>found a school bus floating in space
>found cherry bombs prime them and throw them in any direction
>had to phone someone.wav
>find Pai
>NEET
>activate someone becomes pai
>ask Pai to play david bowie
>says he can't
>*SIGH*
>but he decides to SING for me
>proceeds to sing the entirety of Space Oddity for me
>that guy was a real stand up Pai
>whoever that was
>Danke Shoen

[MrEousTranger]

I wish I got a screen shot of the time cap made a rage cage and the HoS was challenging people.
The cage was electrified and I tried to convice HoS to stop by walking in and telling him but they locked me in and made me fight the HoS.
HoS was acting all high and mighty so I double grabbed him and repeatedly slammed him into an electified grill.
Then I got fired.
Honk

[ShadowDimentio]

>Be R&D
>Just wanna have a quiet life
>Hear reports of revs
>Flip down welding goggles
>Obvious revs come into sci and loot a bit and leave
>Don't care, they didn't take anything I needed
>Miner brings mats, I leave it there for a while
>Gear up with my standard issue mutagen syringe gun, perfect for a sci guy like me
>Get them mats
>Guy tries to flash me, fails because goggles
>Sigh and shoot him
>He panics and only one shot hits before he flees
>Pick up missed shots and reload them, run into the guy again on my way back
>He's standing still, presumably either typing something or stunned from a mutation
>Empty my syringe gun in him and walk away calmly as he dies of rads on the floor
>Get back to R&D and start reloading
>SUDDENLY GET KRAV-MEGA STUNNED
>GOGGLES NOOOO YOU'VE BETRAYED MEEEEEEE
>Two guys are near me, one that just knocked me flat and the other his obvious cohort
>Guy flashes me and talks "So, welcome to the club--"
>He realizes his conversion failed
>I shoot my one good shot at him, missing
>He panics, not knowing I'm currently out of ammo
>Firelocks descend for some reason and his buddy is locked out of R&D
>I have just enough time to grab a syringe and reload, hitting the revhead once
>His buddy gets the firelock open and I bail out
>Realize why the firelocks were enabled, toxins is on FIRE
>No escape available!
>Hide in a dark area as the two don't pursue me
>Glance back over to see them bailing from science together
>PHEW
>R&D is unscathed
>Seal myself in and resume my work
>Shortly later the round ends
>Revs lose!
>After I killed the one head myself the other, by godly fucking luck, went blind with the one shot I hit and ran in terror
>Syringe gun: 2
>Revs: 0

[D&B]

>Smash the motherfucking observe button
>Round is boring so I look for ghost roles
>Ash walkers are available
>Soon as I spawn I see our nest got destroyed
>hellodarknessmyoldfriend.pAI
>We're only three steps away from the mining station
>Decide that the nest must be avenged
>Steal a GPS from the mining EVA
>See a bloody signal close
>Find Bubblegum and leg it to the mining station
>Consumes me and my vengeful blood thirst fills him
>Gets on the shuttle and waits
>and waits
>Eventually a miner calls the shuttle
>He immediately crits and consumes the HoS
>Proceeds to rape Delta bareback as the crew tries to run away
>After fluke Deathsquid fails to contain him
>He finds his way onto the escape shuttle and ravages everyone inside
>Mon visage when the nest was successfully avenged
>mon visage when I have no visage

[Cy294]

He didn't believe me, so he paid like the rest of them.



(F) Cyrus Eridan says, "Don't come to the shuttle"
(F) Cyrus Eridan says, "You're alright"
(F) Raised-By-Lizards says, "Hah"
(F) Raised-By-Lizards says, "Sure buddy"

<Later>

(F) [Common] Cyrus Eridan says, "My name is not important. What I am going to do is important. I just fuckin' hate this world. And the human worms feasting on its corpus. My whole life is just cold, bitter hatred. And I always wanted to die violently. This is the time of vengeance and no life is worth saving. And I will put in the grave as many as I can. It's time for me to kill. And it's time for me to die. My genocide crusade begins here."
*beep* *beep*
*beep* *beep*
*beep* *beep*
*beep* *beep*
*beep* *beep*
*beep* *beep*
Cyrus Eridan seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless...
(F) Cyrus Eridan has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Cyrus Eridan's left arm has been violently dismembered!
Cyrus Eridan's right arm has been violently dismembered!
Kameron Losey seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless...
(F) Kameron Losey has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Kameron Losey's left arm has been violently dismembered!
Tom Daniels has been hit by the left arm.
(F) Gristle McThornbody has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Cyrus Eridan crashes into Lucas Edwards, knocking them both over!
(F) Claudia Johnson has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Nes Shio seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless...
(F) Nes Shio has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Nes Shio's left leg has been violently dismembered!
(F) Tom Daniels has died at Emergency Shuttle.
(F) Old Man Henderson has died at Emergency Shuttle.
(F) Jul-Neeus has died at Emergency Shuttle.
(F) Roxanne Hosseini has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Lucas Edwards seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless...
(F) Lucas Edwards has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Lucas Edwards's right arm has been violently dismembered!
Outta Mime seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless...
(F) Outta Mime has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Outta Mime's right arm has been violently dismembered!
Outta Mime's left leg has been violently dismembered!
Outta Mime's left arm has been violently dismembered!
Outta Mime's right leg has been violently dismembered!
Lucas Edwards's left arm has been violently dismembered!
Randall Carp has been hit by the toolbelt.
Randall Carp has been hit by the toolbelt.
Randall Carp has been hit by the metal.
Brady Dimeling has been hit by the metal.
The flash burns out!
Staton Panic seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless...
(F) Staton Panic has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Brady Dimeling seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless...
(F) Brady Dimeling has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Brady Dimeling's right arm has been violently dismembered!
Brady Dimeling's left leg has been violently dismembered!
Randall Carp has been hit by the toolbelt.
Randall Carp has been hit by the metal.
Brady Dimeling's right leg has been violently dismembered!
Randall Carp seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless...
(F) Randall Carp has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Randall Carp's right leg has been violently dismembered!
(F) Logan Schaeffer has died at Emergency Shuttle.
The fight pit bear has been hit by the plasteel.
The fight pit bear has been hit by the metal.
The fight pit bear has been hit by the metal.
The fight pit bear has been hit by the metal.
The fight pit bear stares ferociously at Zerbeboz Wewo.
(F) Tancred Of Galilee has died at Emergency Shuttle.
The flash burns out!
Zerbeboz Wewo's left arm has been violently dismembered!
Zerbeboz Wewo seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless...
(F) Zerbeboz Wewo has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Zerbeboz Wewo's right leg has been violently dismembered!
The fight pit bear has been hit by the plasteel.
The fight pit bear has been hit by the metal.
The fight pit bear stops moving...
The fight pit bear has been hit by the fork.
The fight pit bear has been hit by the metal.
The fight pit bear stops moving...
Zune Hincken has been hit by the metal.
Zune Hincken seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless...
(F) Zune Hincken has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Zune Hincken's left leg has been violently dismembered!
Randall Carp's right arm has been violently dismembered!
Zerbeboz Wewo's left leg has been violently dismembered!
Zune Hincken's right arm has been violently dismembered!
The fight pit bear has been hit by the fork.
The fight pit bear has been hit by the metal.
The fight pit bear has been hit by the metal.
The fight pit bear has been hit by the metal rod.
The fight pit bear stops moving...
(F) Asher Reichard has died at Emergency Shuttle.
(F) DEAD: Nes Shio says, "JESUS"
the shard embeds itself in Siserith Vassada's right arm!
Siserith Vassada has been hit by the shard.
Siserith Vassada has been hit by the metal rod.
the shard embeds itself in Siserith Vassada's chest!
Siserith Vassada has been hit by the shard.
Dusty Kelly has been hit by the metal rod.
Dusty Kelly has been hit by the metal.
Dusty Kelly has been hit by the metal rod.
the metal rod embeds itself in Dusty Kelly's right arm!
Dusty Kelly has been hit by the metal rod.
(F) DEAD: Lucas Edwards says, "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
(F) DEAD: Jul-Neeus says, "ohh"
HoPcurity blows apart!
(F) DEAD: Eats-Shoots-and-Leaves says, "Rip"
(F) DEAD: Zerbeboz Wewo buzzes, "It's not like things can get wrose"
Lucas Edwards's left leg has been violently dismembered!
Unknown's right leg has been violently dismembered!
Unknown's left leg has been violently dismembered!
Brady Dimeling's left arm has been violently dismembered!
(F) DEAD: Outta Mime says, "Beautiful"
Unknown's left leg has been violently dismembered!
Zune Hincken's right leg has been violently dismembered!
Unknown's right arm has been violently dismembered!
the metal rod embeds itself in Dusty Kelly's chest!
Dusty Kelly has been hit by the metal rod.
(F) DEAD: Brady Dimeling says, "Oh."
(F) DEAD: Nes Shio says, "OH FUCK"
(F) DEAD: Asher Reichard says, ";LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL"
Dusty Kelly has been hit by the metal.
Dusty Kelly seizes up and falls limp, their eyes dead and lifeless...
(F) Dusty Kelly has died at Emergency Shuttle.
Siserith Vassada seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless.

[confused rock]

retard got it wrong its "what is important is what I'm going to do" and its feasting on its CARCASS not corpus and its put in A grave

[Xhuis]

Last round was the most memorable one I've ever had.

>be me
>sybil
>cmo
>fuck my WoW sub is expired and I just realized I need to renew it
>set stuff up, make lazy suit sensor announcement
>hide in locker and renew my sub
>have to resist out because apparently you can't unlock it from inside
>standard doctor things for a while
>suddenly a doctor comes in with a locker
>meaty ores hit
>prisoner in perma uniform comes sprinting in screaming for help
>talk to him
>he's the HoP, apparently the hos and warden went rogue and gulagged him for minor crime
>start giving him plastic surgery
>lizard walks in with a closet full o' alien organs
>asks me to implant them
>put a doctor on it; the hop is now Elliot Rogers
>I bring him into the medbay storage and get him a doctor getup
>he thanks me profusely
>feel good for having kept someone in the round
>head back over to surgery
>alien weeds and eggs with loves-the-lizards standing in the middle of it
>uhh
>"it's ok, CMO, I'll keep them safe"
>"okay"
>make an announcement
>walk out of my office
>loves is dragging off a facehugged guy
>well that didn't last long
>snag a bio hood and charge in
>with the help of the CE, capture and kill loves
>the CE is infected
>the doctors are infected
>there's at least six infected people and I'm the only healthy surgeon
>here goes
>spend the next few minutes getting larvae out, eventually we get them all but have to do more thanks to some errant facehuggers
>one guy popped, but we got the larva
>mission accomplished!
>clean up medbay and praise the crew for their work
>host a celebratory blood drive, and two generous donors give blood (shoutout to the librarian and cargo tech)
>also I should mention that there's been ayyliens running around this entire round
>scientist walks in asking for implants
>long story short, I end up severing her arm
>warden does it for me, graciously accepts my apology
>scientist walks out happy
>chemist comes in
>an errant facehugger got him, he wants me to delarva him
>easy
>start doing surgery
>something's in the vents?
>A HUNTER FUCKING BURSTS OUT OF THE VENTS
>SLAMS A FACEHUGGER ON THE CHEMIST AND CHARGES ME
>I DON'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO MOVE BEFORE I'M DOWN
>eats the chemist, kills me, and stuffs me in a locker
>ventcrawls away
>holy shit that's literally like something out of Alien
>not even mad
>find the hive
>it's MASSIVE, hidden in engi maint
>they've killed everyone who's found it
>guess the larva didn't die after all
>I have my suit sensors on
>pray someone finds me
>eventually return to my body
>nicholas barnes, a doctor, has me
>this man has done so much this shift
>starts cutting my stomach open before he clones me
>suddenly
>AYYLIENS TELEPORT IN
>NICHOLAS GOES DOWN
>says "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR SHIT" but the agent isn't having any of it
>they retrieve both him and me
>nicholas vanishes somehow but I'm still there
>they put a plasma gland in me and shove my body on a bed while they debate what to do next
>ever closer to bursting
>ever closer
>the plasma gland goes off and fills the shuttle with plasma
>team takes the time to mention the sparkly shuttle
>ever
>fucking
>closer
>they put me in the teleporter pod and subsequently forget about me
>excellent
>I pop
>larva runs around, confused
>oh, but they'll just k-
>NOPE
>MY POPPING SPRAYED SPARKS
>THE PLASMA IS LIT
>IT'S LIT FAM
>ENTIRE UFO INSTANTLY ON FIRE
>AYYLIENS RUNNING AROUND LIKE CHICKENS WITH THEIR HEADS CUT OFF
>LARVA IS SCREAMING
>ALIENS ARE SCREAMING
>DEADCHAT IS SCREAMING
>EVERYTHING IS SCREAMING
>aliens burn to death
>go nuts in deadchat
>decide that's enough SS13 for now and disconnect
>5 mins later, hop back on
>instantly become a larva
>nicholas is nearby
>whisper him "i'm sorry, all you've done, you don't deserve this fate"
>the shuttle is called by this point
>there are zero survivors on the station that aren't hugged or being hunted
>oh also there's someone in a phazon that's part of us
>calls himself the alien king
>w/e
>evolve into a drone and queenie makes me her praetorian
>then
>BEES
>BEES IN THE HIVE
>A BEE
>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>HIVECHAT GOES INSANE, ENTIRE ALIEN FORCE RUSHING TO HIVE
>OH GOD IT'S CHASING THE QUEEN SOMEONE STOP IT
>LARVA SCREECHING FOR CHICKEN TENDIES
>BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES
>joke gets stale and we kill the bee
>shuttle arrives
>we all board
>start whispering All Star to a facehugged person lying on the ground
>wait
>i'm second in command
>VICTORY SCREECH ON THREE
>count down
>shuttle immediately filled with the deafening deathgasps of an entire hive
>today was a good day
>shuttle arrives
>victory screech at centcom until the round ends

[Armhulen]

i know i'm being a dick by saying this instead of admiring the better part of the story, but the hop raided the armory roundstart, and then got a borg to get him to escape twice.
"minor crime"

[PKPenguin321]

Last round was the most memorable one I've ever had.

>round is abductors
>???
>check the revision and abductors is at 6~% probability
>abductors are boring and broken as fuck
>take a chance and make some traitors
>one ends up being the xeno king in the phazon
>later, meaty ores happen
>loves gets xeno organs and has a ton of ghosts orbiting him
>mid surgery i take another gamble and traitor him with objective to start xeno uprising
>xenos barely survive by like 1 larva, go through 2 queens before getting a proper hive
>all in all round goes well thanks to well timed button pressing

feels good to make a round good

[Xhuis]

i know i'm being a cuck by saying this instead of admiring the better part of the story, but the hop raided the armory roundstart, and then got a borg to get him to escape twice.
"minor crime"

I never knew the full story, the captain just said "He snagged some weapons and whatnot". Oh well, I think he atoned well by helping save a bunch of people, eh?

[Armhulen]

hope so, i was going to buckshot his ass when i saw it

[Xhuis]

hope so, i was going to buckshot his ass when i saw it

Rough. Were you the captain, HoS, or warden? If so, he probably healed you without you even knowing. In fact, if you were the captain, I think you provided him with a new ID.

[Armhulen]

hope so, i was going to buckshot his ass when i saw it

Rough. Were you the captain, HoS, or warden? If so, he probably healed you without you even knowing. In fact, if you were the captain, I think you provided him with a new ID.

warden. if he healed me and then told me he was the hop, i would have given back his stuff.

[Jarek]

>Be me
>Traitor medical doctor
>Assasinate kevin mcclune and die
>Easy enough
>Other traitors pull an operative scare and everyone thinks it's ops
>All access
>Whoo
>Decide to make potassium and water pills seperately, name them as "Anti-stun pill (1) and anti-stun pill (2) respectively and hand them out as two dental implants
>Lie to people and say one pill is morphine and the other is coffee and an anti-stun chemical so you can negate damage slowdown and run fast and you need to activate both to recieve the benefits
>Will white eventually takes the bait
>Have him in surgery
>give him dental implants
>"Why dont you try them out so I know I didnt mess the mix up?
>"Sure"
>Explodes infront of me and goes straight into crit
>Decide instead of killing him I'll shove a bomb into his chest and tell him he'll die if he doesnt follow my orders to the T
>He's deaf and doesnt read PDA messages so he never notices this and ends up sticking by me thinking I fucked the mix up and I'm eventually going to cure him
>My target runs in with the captain whilst I'm trying to explain what needs to be done to will
>Oh yes
>Lock captain out and offer anti-stun pills to my target
>He says yes
>Tell him to try the implants out
>"Save me from the captain first!"
>After some messing around I eventually convince him to try my implants out
>Table him once to get him to use it
>The pill is activated but doesnt activate right away
>Table him again at his request
>"Yeah the stun is definitely shorter he-"
>Mid-sentence he explodes and dies
>My sides go into orbit
>I tell will he has 90 seconds to live and tell him the bomb inside of him is set to blow on my death
>It's a lie but he doesnt know, so I hand him my uplink and syndicate bomb myself to die gloriously
>Target is laughing their ass off in deadchat
>I am successful

Will didnt end up doing anything because he was deaf the whole time and had no clue what was going on, but he was understandably happier for not being murdered on the spot. Might try the bomb in the chest thing another time.

[Armhulen]

I EXPLODED BECAUSE I TOOK ANOTHER PILL

[bandit]

>Be borg
>Get emagged
>Only Fritz Sparks and people they designate as being such are Syndicate Agents, you may not injure a syndicate agent or, through inaction, allow a syndicate agent to come to harm, etc
>Fritz: Kill Ted Stroh, chaplain, Keep it quiet
>And take care, he is a syndicate agent as well

[Reece]

Heh.

[ShadowDimentio]

>Be sci guy
>Traitor
>Recently bothered to learn toxins again and am really into bombs
>Crack metaphorical knuckles and whip up six maxcaps
>Prepare to run a "THE STATION IS ARMED TO EXPLODE" gimmick
>Stuff bombs into smuggler satchels and hide them across the station
>Medbay, courtroom, dorms bathroom, arrivals hall, R&D, and the engine
>As an added measure rig the bags with mousetrap triggers in case someone fondles them
>Am fully ready
>Broadcast my demands to NT via a comms console
>"Your station is armed to explode if I don't recieve a million spacebux in three minutes"
>Set timer and wait
>No response
>PM Durkel to see if he missed it or what
>He says he's way too busy to play along
>Sigh
>Detonate the station
>Cuban Pete is played
>Am shot by the captain who had no way of knowing I was the bomber, just that I was wearing the RD hardsuit
>Get executed

Sometimes you try so hard but don't succeed.

[PKPenguin321]

Wrong thread

[ShadowDimentio]

I Cuban Pete'd, I won even if I lost.

[PKPenguin321]

it's not about winning, it's about fun!

[D&B]

>Traitor Miner
>Don't feel like killing
>Tell the other miners I plan on bringing a drake on station and that they should stay away
>Also buy them stuff from my uplink to buy their silence
>Memes happen, manage to get the drake into the shuttle but fail to get it onto station
>Meanwhile, someone planted shadowshrooms
>An engineer is called to repair cargo
>They get the drake on station
>Cue the station being darker than Kenya and a man eating dragon running around
>Literally jumped out of the shadows onto people
>Deadchat going wild
>It gets on the shuttle
>Last four crewmen survive by hiding in the shuttle bathroom
>Drake stuck on station as some kind of freaky lizard anglerfish, lighting people to their death.

Arguably the only good experience I've had with shadowshrooms.

[Slignerd]

> me and Klara go mining
> ash drake right outside
> we fight it together
> unfortunately I die in the process
> she kills it afterwards
> gets spectral blade
> at the time I'm the only ghost, so Klara goas about with the spirit of a fallen companiom
> she returns to the station with my head, goes to medbay in an attempt to me human again
> instead I say fuck it, lost all my gear anyway
> as a ghost still, point her to Robotics and an MMI
> once in an MMI, I ask if she wants me as ghost buddy, MMI buddy or mining cyborg buddy
> ended up staying as an MMI
> I make a side comment about how the MMI wastes her inventory space
> she comes up with an idea and asks the roboticist for a cavity implant
> spend the rest of the round inside Klara's chest

[Jarek]

>Roll traitor
>Kill medical man, Die glorious death
>Check discounts
>Syndie bomb 2tc's for some reason
>Formulate plan
>During plan, Draw B letter in medbay and collect a wrench
>Dress up as a terrorist, Name myself "Terrorist" with an agent ID
>Buy stretchkin too, Because glock
>Activate bomb in escape and drag it yelling "RUSH B!!"
>Enter medbay and plant bomb with a wrench on the B sign
>Shoot anyone that comes close and yell about defending the bomb
>Bomb explodes and kills me
>Target was not in medbay and doesnt die in the blast, but dies later on due to other traitors
>Terrorists win
Shitty CSGO meme is shit but it was still funny damnit.

[ShadowDimentio]

>Viroguy
>Traitor
>Crack knuckles, lets fucking do this
>Have done the pandemic gimmick several times
>Have worked out the kinks so now it's a solid gold strat
>Ask to trade for unstable uranium gel
>Not today champ
>Review my previously logged custom viruses
>Get an idea
>One virus is too quickly defeated as the crew just powergames the cure, but two...
>Whip up two robust
>Gear up the standard infiltrator array: Agent ID, noslips, x4 bomb bag, dart gun, adrenal for emergencies
>Set out into the station
>Infect like crazy, they know someone's shooting darts but not who
>The two viruses take hold of the crew
>One virus is fast-spreading necrosis, not terribly deadly but it scares the crew to flock to medbay
>The other virus is slow-spreading but progresses fast and packs a punch, and much more importantly is nigh impossible to cure
>The crew nearly all die out
>Accidentally get infected by the first infected crewmember who stubbornly refused to die
>Break into the vault and chug all the gold
>That'll learn 'em
>Shuttle docks
>Like five people on, including myself
>One emags and we launch early
>They fight among each other about who did it
>Quietly plant an X4 in the middle of the shuttle
>Flee to the space suit storage area and kick my feet up
>Another bomb goes off, clearing the shuttle for everyone except me
>GREENTEXTU

>Next round
>Chappy
>Traitor
>Ask to trade for a shell
>Denied
>Meh I'll just buy an autistic toolbox then
>Do it
>Kill four people
>Next guy is on the ropes
>Autistic toolbox turns on you!
>Die
>He dies too
>Two other passersby die too
>Borg tries to get a guard to handle the toolbox
>Guard picks it up, walks ten feet, slips, drops it, wanders off
>Autistic toolbox wakes up again!
>In the middle of an average wet patch from janitor cleaning is a sentient toolbox slaughtering everyone that slips
>Five fucking people die
>Borg finally gets the sec guy to destroy the corpse
>11 corpses total
>My fucking face when slips are the most dangerous weapon

[cedarbridge]

>Viroguy
>Infect like crazy, they know someone's shooting darts but not who

Fuck diamond syringes tbh

[ShadowDimentio]

>Be Cedarbridge
>Doctor
>Everyone is dying to a virus
>Break in and don the CMO hardsuit to prevent infection
>That'll show that syringe gun faggot who's boss, I'll fuck him up if I see him syringe anyone
>Heal some people
>Taking some guy out of medbay
>Suddenly get shot out of nowhere with a syringe
>Don't know who did it
>Feel sick
>FUCK MY COUNTERPLAY WAS COUNTERPLAYED AAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>Die probably
>Cry

R&D getting piercing syringes is the fucking best, at the point where the robust crew have grabbed protection from the virus and my darts I just break in R&D, which is usually totally vacant 'cause the guy doing it died, and make piercing syringes. They never see it coming.

[IcePacks]

admin-bothering

leave it to you to ruin an otherwise great story with tales of begging admins

[ShadowDimentio]

Unstable uranium gel and artificer chaplain are both spicy traitor gimmicks worthy of a trade, please don't bully me.

[IcePacks]

why don't you ask an admin to get me to stop

[cedarbridge]

>Be Cedarbridge
>Doctor
>Everyone is dying to a virus
>Break in and don the CMO hardsuit to prevent infection
>That'll show that syringe gun faggot who's boss, I'll fuck him up if I see him syringe anyone
>Heal some people
>Taking some guy out of medbay
>Suddenly get shot out of nowhere with a syringe
>Don't know who did it
>Feel sick
>FUCK MY COUNTERPLAY WAS COUNTERPLAYED AAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>Die probably
>Cry

R&D getting piercing syringes is the fucking best, at the point where the robust crew have grabbed protection from the virus and my darts I just break in R&D, which is usually totally vacant 'cause the guy doing it died, and make piercing syringes. They never see it coming.

I actually had no idea about the syringe gunning until I got hit by one and saw a notice that it went through my suit. I just grabbed the suit to protect myself from the 900 other dudes I'd cured of the first disease since I couldn't even see the second one on scanners and MDs don't have access to the viro NEET cave. CMO's office was already smashed open ages ago so meh, free suit. Still survived to round end but I couldn't keep the last patient I had alive that long. I'm not complaining about the viruses themselves other than that they work way too fast for something produced in a room that contains the only machine capable of fixing the problem and that room is behind several doors where only 3 IDs on the station can open them. It was nice enough having an actual medical emergency to handle I guess.

[ShadowDimentio]

Yeah the first disease was laughably easy to cure, the second though...

So did you get infected with necrosis or immolation? Immolation was effectively incurable. I didn't know which, because I didn't label them well.

Also joke's on you, I blew up the console and the virus had stealth 4 regardless.

[cedarbridge]

Yeah the first disease was laughably easy to cure, the second though...

So did you get infected with necrosis or immolation? Immolation was effectively incurable. I didn't know which, because I didn't label them well.

I ended up with necrosis at the end but I'd already given everyone else I could grab all of the starkist out of the arrivals vendor and cured probably a dozen people of it before getting infected and crawling into the pod. I slapped myself with some brute healing chems to keep myself lucid and slipped into crit just as I got to the recovery ship.

[Armhulen]

Yeah the first disease was laughably easy to cure, the second though...

So did you get infected with necrosis or immolation? Immolation was effectively incurable. I didn't know which, because I didn't label them well.

I ended up with necrosis at the end but I'd already given everyone else I could grab all of the starkist out of the arrivals vendor and cured probably a dozen people of it before getting infected and crawling into the pod. I slapped myself with some brute healing chems to keep myself lucid and slipped into crit just as I got to the recovery ship.

IT WAS THAT ROUND, HOLY SHIT THAT STARKIST SAVED MY LIFE.

[ShadowDimentio]

>Be mime
>Silent hero gimmick
>Get hacking tools
>HoP goes braindead
>Steal all access and return the ID
>Nothing really happening
>Screams about nukers in the armory
>Welp
>Run over, everyone is dying
>Salvage a taser and laser from the wreckage
>One of the ops has a shieldsuit
>Need a shotgun, can't find one
>Remember the warden spawns with one
>Grab it as the shieldsuit walks into frame
>Gat him down
>Realize it's rubbershot
>Lase him dead
>Grab the cap's corpse and run to get on the shuttle
>Print out 2 more cap IDs for early launch
>Shuttle docks
>Try to launch early
>Only able to use one of the two IDs
>DELTA TRIGGERED
>GRAB THE CAP'S ID OFF HIS CORPSE
>LAUNCH IT, SAVING EVERYONE

MVP BAYBEEEE

[IcePacks]

early launching validhunter mime with delusions of heroism

nuclear fire is a kindness

[ShadowDimentio]

early launching validhunter mime with delusions of heroism

nuclear fire is a kindness

>Two minutes and 13 seconds till shuttle leaves
>Everyone would have died if I didn't

Cease

[leibniz]

>build a simple RAGE CAGE in the bar
>make disposal chutes so people can enter
>make bridge announcement that the cage fight winner is going to get confiscated syndicate items

twist:

Spoiler:

[OtherDalfite]

>build a simple RAGE CAGE in the bar
>make disposal chutes so people can enter
>make bridge announcement that the cage fight winner is going to get confiscated syndicate items

twist:

Spoiler:

Oh that's evil. Excellent job.

[XDTM]

Where do you all find the time to make these before shuttle call

[Screemonster]

>build a simple RAGE CAGE in the bar
>make disposal chutes so people can enter
>make bridge announcement that the cage fight winner is going to get confiscated syndicate items

twist:

Spoiler:

Outstanding.

[leibniz]

Where do you all find the time to make these before shuttle call

Well yeah, I needed the stars to align to make this happen:
1. be on box so it doesnt take 30 minutes to redirect ALL disposals into engineering (box is kinda rare on bagil)
2. get CE
3. get antag
4. hope others who get antag dont memesword everyone to death or dont bomb the station to shit in 20 minutes, even minor explosions can fuck up disposals