Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Weepo · Post by **Weepo** » Tue Jan 24, 2017 2:55 am #247194

Bottom post of the previous page:

The dude had a bunch of bloody knives and shit in his pockets and was guilty of being a mime, being fury, talking and most unforgivably not taking a fucking out when I give it. Brotip if you're caught out after breaking in some place, cuffed and than your captor decides to throw you down the bin rather than give you to the cops and you're a traitor... just take the out? Its not like he couldn't pop the cuffs and smash his way out of disposals. Even if fury is pondscum poured into the skin of a human being I didn't wanna end his traitor round but at a certain point its ironically my hands that are tied.

Screemonster · Tue Jan 24, 2017 9:06 am

gotta agree with weepo there, if someone's gracious enough to send you packing after they smack your ass down in their workplace and you don't get gone and stay gone, you're opening yourself up for whatever they feel is necessary to be rid of you

Sat Jan 28, 2017 4:25 am

>killin dudes as a traitor HoP, subtle enough that i dont get caught but still lots of kills
>one dude in a space suit chased me into space at escape with an axe, kill his ass and space him
>accidentally space my telebaton in the process
>several units of time later
>murdering dudes
>guy in similar space suit with an axe and a telebaton appears later
>start beating his ass again with his own axe that i disarm
>doctor comes to help him and grabs the telebaton, but i murder the doctor
>he runs a bit off screen and comes back with changeling armor and shit
>ohhh that's how he came back from space
>kick his ass some more, eventually slip and cuff him with a humiliating soap throw
>drag him to kitchen to gibber room, bump into an engineer in there and kill him too
>tell him, "if you say "I'm fuckin gay" i'll let you go"
>he says it
>gib him anyways

d e v i l i s h

calzilla1 · Post by **calzilla1** » Sat Jan 28, 2017 5:17 am #248686

PKPenguin321 wrote: >tell him, "if you say "I'm fuckin gay" i'll let you go"
>he says it
>gib him anyways

d e v i l i s h

Behold, the cancer that is killing the server

Post by **Armhulen** » Sat Jan 28, 2017 5:19 am #248687

yeah that's low, man

Qbopper · Post by **Qbopper** » Sat Jan 28, 2017 8:31 am #248721

calzilla1 wrote:
PKPenguin321 wrote: >tell him, "if you say "I'm fuckin gay" i'll let you go"
>he says it
>gib him anyways

d e v i l i s h
Behold, the cancer that is killing the server

I'll admit I laughed at the story

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Sat Jan 28, 2017 11:46 am #248741

calzilla1 wrote:
PKPenguin321 wrote: >tell him, "if you say "I'm fuckin gay" i'll let you go"
>he says it
>gib him anyways

d e v i l i s h
Behold, the cancer that is killing the server

I can't believe I find myself agreeing with this man.

calzilla1 · Post by **calzilla1** » Sat Jan 28, 2017 6:59 pm #248813

This has a bit of rage too but what ever
>Engineer
>u r teh tator
>hijack the shuttle
>fml
>flip a coin between admeme trades or bundle
>tails:bundle
>screwed, how fitting
>well it's time to be the proactive traitor!
>bomb cloning
>take out power and comms
>fucking gib the captain
>release tesla and un wrench grounding rod
>raid armory
>kill the straglers
>wall off shuttle
>all alone
>"now, let me talk about my dunkachinos"
>server freezes
>what
>refresh multiple time
>restart without getting muh greenwords and salt
>fucking star fucks shut down the universe to prevent me from spreading the dunkachino

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Sat Jan 28, 2017 8:59 pm #248847

Oh, you were that faggot?
>bragging at the ghosts
deserved it tbh :^)

Sweets · Post by **Sweets** » Sun Jan 29, 2017 6:09 am #249037

WE ARE BREAKING THE CONDITIONING FOLKS.

Post by **Armhulen** » Sun Jan 29, 2017 6:20 am #249040

Sweets wrote:

WE ARE BREAKING THE CONDITIONING FOLKS.

COMMUNIST CHANGELING!!

calzilla1 · Post by **calzilla1** » Sun Jan 29, 2017 8:20 am #249058

Sweets wrote:

WE ARE BREAKING THE CONDITIONING FOLKS.

MY TEAM MATES WERE SO FUCKING RETARDED AAAAAAAAAA

Steelpoint · Post by **Steelpoint** » Fri Feb 03, 2017 1:16 pm #251298

I joined a low pop round on Sybil as the (box)station was being evacuated. Upon my arrival I'm greeted by the slurred words of... someone, over the comms. Nothing but garbled text that vaguely indicated the word 'Captains Room'. I run by the bridge to discover its on lockdown and the evacuation is less than ten minutes out. I see piles of blood as some poor person was dragged to a ill fated demise.

With no answer over the security or command channels I make my way to the brig, fortunately it appears no one has assailed the brig and its intact. I carefully but quickly equip myself with a standard loadout, but I take care to grab a Riot Shotgun from the armoury, saw it off and load up on lethal shells, I like to keep one handy for close encounters.

I return to the bridge to assess the situation, disturbingly as I return to the main north hallway I discover the entire area has been coated in spray paint, considering how short my stay in the brig was I knew the perpetrator could not be far. Nonetheless I inspect the bridge area and discover the entire command area is in lockdown, all entrances from the HoP's office to the Teleporter room are bolted shut.

I also catch a glimpse of someone wearing a clown uniform run by, but I'm unable to catch up to the person.

-----

I decide to attempt to create my own entrance and head straight to engineering and commandeer a toolbox and a set of insulated gloves, while engineering appears abandoned I do see that someone set up the Tesla engine. I return to the teleportation area and hack the nearby side entrance to force my way in.

However my attempts are waylayed when the evacuation shuttle arrives, while I continue on the task of entering the teleporter room I suddenly notice someone is attempting to force launch the shuttle! I drop the toolbox and sprint to the escape hallway. As I reach the entrance to the shuttle I notice the same Clown I saw earlier, but to my horror he attempts to throw a banana peel at me to slip me into space, I barely manage to dodge the peel and skid to a halt inside the shuttle. The Clown retreats northward as the shuttle departs and I'm flung to the floor.

As I attempt to recover my standing another man appears from the cockpit, he holds the symbol of captain ship but my heads up display shows no evidence of a mindshield implant. My suspicions are immediately confirmed when this man unsheathes a double energy sword and makes a lunge for my exposed throat!

-----

I barely am able to recover my standing and pull back from the traitor. Realising my standard energy weapons would be ineffective my attacker moves in for the kill, however I surprise my attacker by pulling out my sawed off Riot Shotgun, a point blank hit from my shotgun forces my attacker to assume a defensive posture as a game of cat and mouse ensures.

The glass laded hallways of the shuttle prove difficult to surmount as my shotgun pellets keep striking the glass and not my target, its clear the traitor is baiting me to expend my limited ballistic arsenal but I have no choice but to keep up the attack lest he take the initiative.

The traitor takes cover in the shuttles brig as I expend the last of my ammunition. In response the traitor steps out but I respond with a flashbang, yet amazingly the traitor is able to grab my flashbang and disarm it before detonation!

I follow up with additional flashbangs but he continues to evade them via ducking into the cockpit, and he and the Clown work to block my flashbangs from entering the cockpit via their using their bodies as physical shields.

I make a critical error and stay too close to the cockpit entry while attempting to lob a flashbang in, the traitor exploits this and lunges at me, in one fell swoop he hacks off my leg as I retreat southward!

In agony I retreat to the upper western public entrance, slowed and in pain the traitor moves in for the kill. Disarmed, slowed and in a panic I'm seconds from my demise as the traitor is a mere two steps from claiming my head as a trophy.

But I have him right where I want him.

I withdraw my pepper spray and fire, the traitor is caught unprepared and goes down. I immediately withdraw my multiphase energy gun and open fire on the stunned traitor. Only being able to utter a desperate "OH NO". I gun down the traitor where he lies.

I proceed to confiscate his double energy sword and move to execute his helpless Clown accomplice.

I relax and bask in my survival.

It may not be the most glamours tale of awesome, but a tale of survival is always one worth reading.

imblyings · Post by **imblyings** » Fri Feb 03, 2017 1:49 pm #251305

Good read

Almost out of an action movie

killerx09 · Post by **killerx09** » Fri Feb 03, 2017 3:29 pm #251323

On another server, an admin made me as a sentient banana peel at one potency.

Lots of people was slipped, lots of stuff was dropped and not a lot of people able to click that tiny banana peel.

Munchlax · Post by **Munchlax** » Fri Feb 03, 2017 8:46 pm #251458

Steelpoint wrote:snip

good story, good storytelling

IcePacks · Post by **IcePacks** » Sat Feb 04, 2017 1:48 am #251573

PKPenguin321 wrote:poussaint fucker

no honor

Sat Feb 04, 2017 3:12 am

IcePacks wrote:
PKPenguin321 wrote:poussaint fucker
no honor

traitor hop lauser is chaotic evil he needs no honor except for when he wants
part 2 of the story actually went like this though
>after ling is gibbed realize ive been cryostung multiple times throughout the whole exchange with him
>freezing to death
>stagger out of bar and see passerby in captains hardsuit
>call for help saying ive been cryostung
>he rushes me to medbay and heals me up
>thank him and consider backstabbing him
>dont backstab him because i actually am thankful he helped me
a n g e l i c

Post by **Armhulen** » Sat Feb 04, 2017 5:55 am #251629

PKPenguin321 wrote:
IcePacks wrote:
PKPenguin321 wrote:poussaint fucker
no honor
traitor hop lauser is chaotic evil he needs no honor except for when he wants
part 2 of the story actually went like this though
>after ling is gibbed realize ive been cryostung multiple times throughout the whole exchange with him
>freezing to death
>stagger out of bar and see passerby in captains hardsuit
>call for help saying ive been cryostung
>he rushes me to medbay and heals me up
>thank him and consider backstabbing him
>dont backstab him because i actually am thankful he helped me
a n g e l i c

you can't just switch sides like it's some kind of GAME!??

IcePacks · Post by **IcePacks** » Sat Feb 04, 2017 5:59 am #251632

>ayyyy
>try to get kor to be my brother in ayyyy
>get some unrobust slut instead
>they're trying to act all cute and shit
>gross
>abduct two fuckers
>unrobust fucker gets wasted by russel talbott with a fucking sniper rifle
>fear rifle
>steal medkits
>confused doctor watches me poof in and out
>save my fellow ayyy
>risky brig raid
>fellow ayyy is fucking wasted instantly
>escape with my recall implant
>everything is fucked up
>stumble into genetics, prepared to end my life
>discover unrobust lizard
>chokeslam him into all the glass tables and throw a few glass shards at him for good measure
>mark him
>recall
>save his life
>he's talking shit
>experiment on him
>saw off his legs
>send him to the station
>at this point the station is a hellhole
>buy a baton with robust ayyy points
>abduct some fucker
>experiment
>spider gland
>send him on his way
>abduct some other faggot
>rob robinson watches
>get my last abductee
>flame gland
>rob is screaming for me to rescue him
>try
>armed mob confusedly runs into the chapel, waves guns at me
>take the mime because he's interrupting the rescue
>jam whatever in him
>take his head because fuck you mime you're here for light entertainment
>come back and grab rob
>abduct him
>he's a ling
>i finally have a competent operative to aid my one-man war on humankind
>ride my ufo into the sunset

Deitus · Post by **Deitus** » Sat Feb 04, 2017 8:13 pm #251851

two stories

>box assistant
>you are the tator
>do somethingsomething yeah no
>buy pizza bombs
>set each to blow after one second
>put them on the floor in high-traffic areas
>keep one for myself
>hear booms after a bit
>gibs and holes
>[youtube]7upgaUAcjbc[/youtube]
>see captain zoe ramos
>hey captain i got the pizza you ordered
>she walks a good distance away
>"its customary that the pizza boy opens it first"
>remember i pulled this on her in an earlier round
>fuck
>ALLAHUUUUUUUUUU
>fail to suicide bomb
>gibbed
>zoe makes an announcement that the pizza boy exploded and that we need a replacement
>F1 ADMINS LETS DO IT
>they okay it
>spawn in centcomm as "not jonathan talist the second"
>fake moustache
>delivery uniform and hat
>admins spawn pizzas
>centcomm announces pizza arrival
>get headset
>uh yeah i got some pizzas here for a, uh...moe camos?
>cap comes by
>"yeah thats me"
>oh great, that'l be $xxx plus tip
>she leaves and comes back with a bag o dosh
>"keep the change"
>neat, you want these delivered?
>"yeah to the library"
>slap the pizzas in a crate and deliver them
>ligger reading erotica in my shuttle got bsa'd so centcomm announces ill need a suit
>cap lets me borrow theirs
>promise to send it back via space amazon
>go back to centcomm and suicide
>admins spawn the suit back in the office with a "space amazon delivery update"
>"what a nice delivery boy"

shout out to pkp for making my memes come true

>assistant box
>go around and grab all my usual roundstart shit
>going in maint like always when a guy flashes me for revs
>great.
>get made rev leader
>greeeeeeeeeeeeat.
>guy stresses he wants stealth
>yeah sure bud whatever, we're fucked anyway
>finish getting my shit, decide to make a pneumatic canon for attempting assassinations
>manage to flash the clown and botanist lola cobblestone, but the halls are practically empty and a bunch of people have eye protection for some reason
>yeah we're fucked
>time to allahu
>break into hop office and fire canon point blank
>try to finish off with welder but hop baton/smash chains me to death
>yeah i saw that coming
>go aft but hear revive sound
>getting borged
>hop tells me this is a second chance
>fuckyou.darkholme
>talistron activated
>...still have headrev objectives
>ahelp if im still supposed to try and kill heads
>they tell me to hold on
>scoot up to rd
>for some reason i really wanna kill you, rd
>"uhhhhhh"
>ask if i can disassemble borg console
>says its ok
>do some and hide board
>admins get back to me and tell me its probably a bug and to ignore rev laws
>well great all that work for nuffin
>scoot around a bit
>lola calls me into botany
>tells me to open cover
>sec officer comes by and says not to and to leave
>k whatever
>pass by the officer as he's talking on sec radio about how borgs might be rogue
>putter a bit when i get law two'd back to botany
>what are you even trying to do
>lola takes out battery, figure she's gonna try and potato battery me
>nope complete disassembly
>takes my brain out and opens closet
>its my corpse
>shoves my brain back into my body and then into a plant person pod
>reborn, still have rev objectives
>nice meme, lola
>grab all my shit again and decide to just allahu again
>waltz into medbay, see cmo
>"oh hey jonathan didnt expect to see you again"
>yeah me neither BUTDIDYOUEXPECTTHIS
>canon to face
>try to finish with crowbar but just end up with a bunch of tiles because unrobust
>start throwing tiles
>limps into chemistry, i follow
>chemist just watches
>cmo finally goes down, i drag over to viro to strip
>chemist walks up and watches and then just goes away
>uh okay
>finish stripping, drag body out of medbay
>warden runs past
>OHFUCK
>he keeps going
>uh okay
>hide body in maint
>at this point the crew has been trying to figure out what happened to the borg (read: me) and thinks the ai is malf due to the console and whatnot
>cap makes announcement to go kill it
>catch him in engineering foyer
>cap ill come with you!
>"oh okay th-"
>canon'd
>he shouts over radio before i manage to steal his baton and stun him
>drag him into maint, but an engi saw me and gives chase
>yakkety through maint, desperately juggling running, stunning, and beating the cap
>cap stood up many times and could have gotten away but just stands there and waits for baton while yelling over radio
>finally get him to crit
>engi still hot on my ass
>drop soap, he slips
>awkwardly fumble to try and kill him
>he stands up
>FU-
>"nice"
>he walks off
>uh okay
>strip cap's body and start looking for a spot to hide it
>space-time vortexes appear, i try to walk carefully but one swallows the cap's body
>FUCK please be somewhere obscure
>despite my best efforts accidentally walk into one
>teleported around a bit before i finally get to the maint between science and genetics
>hack into robotics where i find the rev clown and the rd making a honk mech
>h-hi rd
>"hi jonathan"
>notice they're already burned for some reason
>one canon shot crits, finish her quickly
>round ends
>wot
>apparently the hop got teleported to the n20 container in atmos and died
>tfw killed 3 heads in stealthmode for the round win

wouldnt have happened without memelstone, you da real mvp

InsaneHyena · Post by **InsaneHyena** » Sat Feb 04, 2017 8:30 pm #251860

> Latejoin scientist
> I wonder if science has actually accomplished anything.
> Holy shit, they did. They've just built a functional telescience, and I think they're about to use it for the first time.
> Ligger scientist wants to be teleported... Somewhere.
> After he inputs the data, he asks us to do the honors.
> Also, to teleport him back immediately if he screams.
> Honestly tell him that I hope he'll die out there and teleport him.
> Wait for him to say something over the radio.
> Nothing.
> Try to teleport him back, but nothing appears on the telepad.
> Me and his partner continue trying to beam him back a few times - we get a few metal sheets and a watcher that way.
> After killing the watcher with a toolbox, we decide that we need to replicate the experiment.
> While ligger's partner stands on the telepad, curious captain and detective come by to check what the nerds are doing.
> Teleport lizard's partner and, once again, wait for response.
> Nothing.
> Trying to beam him back produces zero results.
> Captain wordlessly stands on the telepad and looks at me.
> Beam him there as well.
> Almost immediately try to beam him back.
> No results.
> At this point, curiosity is absolutely killing me. What IS THERE on the other side?
> Why other scientists wanted to get there so badly?
> Why none of the guys we've sent there spoke over the radio? Is radio dead over there? Are they dead themselves?
> I stand on the telepad myself and teleport myself after them.
> The very first thing I see is a Collossus, surrounded by bones of his victims.
> Oh f-
> Die immediately.
> Almost immediately after I die, the detective follows me and also dies.
> Then - some assistant in a EVA suit.
> And then it just goes on.

Overall, SCIENCE killed about ten people and it was hilarious.

AnonymousNow · Sat Feb 04, 2017 9:04 pm

Deitus wrote:~

I was that HoP. I was pretty salty about that teleport, since I was tiptoeing around the station and by the time I saw the warp I was already out cold and suffocating (it must've literally appeared the frame I walked into it).

Ah well. Have a short story.

>Be BLUE, HEROIC CYBORG
>Use the new voice module technique to switch modules on the fly (so worth doing this BTW)
>Wizard appears, but there's something wrong.
>They're a skeleton/lich, stumbling around in full robes, confused.
>Apparently the wizard already mindswapped to another crewman. There's a crowd of people around the former wizard, but they're non-violent, because they know that this is a fellow crewman who is co-operating and removing the wizard's robes.
>Head of security listens to the chat about this, stares at the crewman for a good ten seconds, then promptly stuns them, drags them to the incinerator and dusts them without a word
>Half the crew is shouting at her; she responds with "KEK i was 2busy killin teh wizard to care bouts chats"
>Technically she didn't kill a human, yet, but with the wizard onboard hidden amongst the crew she now could toast anyone else at a moment's notice.

>Realise that the Head of Security is this round's antagonist, and that I am the crew's salvation.

>The HoS is not the worst I've seen, but they're clearly ignoring whatever doesn't let them validhunt and getting stuck in with both hands.
>Thanks to crew monitors, I find and rescue someone that they were batonning to death for mild tiding.
>This escalates to moderate tiding in retaliation, which I manage to negotiate back down to mild tiding.
>This happens repeatedly until the HoS utilises an opportunity - a bombed armoury - to space them.
>Now that it can be certain that the Head of Security has killed more people than the Wizard, and is flagrantly doing it in front of silicons, I try my best to capture the head of security.
>Meanwhile the station is falling apart, as the HoS has been so busy focusing on validhunting specific people that they haven't stopped actual attacks.
>Save at least half a dozen people from breaches, healing, repairing etc.
>I don't think I went above 3000 power in the last half an hour of the round, as every time I went to charge, something (usually the HoS) would be causing harm again. It was seat-of-your-trousers, balls-to-the-wall, all the time.
>Despite my efforts with tiretoxin, Beepsky, RCDing the incinerator, cablecuffs and so on, I couldn't capture the HoS, but I managed to keep her from killing anyone else that round
>And throughout all this, the HoS remained hauntingly silent other to make the occasional mocking comment towards someone they've injured or killed.

I made mostly shutting down a shitler HoS my mission, and it was worth it.

Weepo · Post by **Weepo** » Mon Feb 06, 2017 1:07 pm #252504

This is an old one I probably should have wrote up on the day but I still remember most of it.

>Just had a fuckawful clock cult round, really boring, everyone got culted and nothing fun really happened.
>next round
>roboticist, start making salty anti-clock cult named cleanbots and generally spreading anti ratvarian sentiment.
>AI Chimes up about a tinkers thingo
>Oh holy shit its happening

>Admin spawns tons of American flags in dorms, patriotism and pride flares up immediately and soon all of science is wearing the red white and blue!
>science gets together and we all vow to protect one and other from cultists
>declare ourselves enemies of Ratvar and vow to keep the scourge out

>turns out, this is more difficult than we envisioned, pretty soon the shutters are up and the whole station is falling to the cult's influence.
>Every department of science is turned feral, we print off weapons from R&D, I aug the RD and have one of my arms replaced with a chainsaw, we have medbots.

>We repel small skirmishing teams of cultists a few times, they come in through the experimentor maint (on box) a few times, but eventually a scientist is taken and so me and one other scientist vow to get them back, me with my chainsaw hand and he with a fireaxe we got from a marauding atmos tech, we thunder down the hall and follow the cultists past medbay, down the hall and through the maint next to janitors where they hit a snag, none of them had access to the surgical room
>me and my fellow scientist personally slaughter four cultists while they pitifully try converting any one of us in the close quarters, their dumb confusing powers are too clunky compared to the simplistic might of a fireaxe and a chainsaw, (plus they got confused because of all the rat icons above our heads thanks to the deads) and we wind up killing them all, I take the brains to make sure the dirty rats can't clone.

>Full and rousing success, we return with new weapons and much joy, pumped up on murder frenzy and having depleted the cult's numbers. Me and the original scientist make another foray into the halls and this time things go south, they were preparing their biggest assault this time, I manage to maim a mime before I get tased and my legs cut off, I attack anyone who comes into conversion range from my position on the floor till they eventually relent and kill me.

>But xenobio was doing /work/, I spawn again as an adamantium golem... My directive?: KILL EVERY CULTIST.
>WITH PLEASURE FRIEND
>Some time had elapsed since I last lived however and things were crazy, the captain was a rat alongside the rest of them. Emerging from xenobio with KILL EVERY CULTIST I encountered a miner and began to assault him, his pitiful plasmacutter did nothing to my rocky hide, he was a cultist and I knew it however he'd been assisting science as per his job anyhow. Eventually the science team found the best way to deploy my homicidal urges to best effect was to throw me down disposals.
>smashing my way out of cargo with a cry of 'KILL ALL CULTISTS' I found my old corpse and retreived the most important thing, my red white and blue colors. From the dead I also found a riot shield and a HOLY CLAYMORE, a much more robust weapon to deal with cultists.
>Into medbay I walked, by now the ground was slick with gore and the shuttle had been called.
>the captain, the mime and two other cultists emerge from the medbay, apparently having been repelled by science according to the radio chatter. Cultists all, I raised my blade and set to work, my sheild deflecting some blows as I sworded the mime's leg off in a single mighty blow.
>I killed them all. Sword to laser, sword to evil magic, my claymore protected me through all of it and I cut down the evil commander and his cronies with cruel cuts. I was wounded, low on energy but I had won.

>turns out, that was the last of the cult. They had converted everyone else and science had cut them all down to a man, their pathetic cause was beaten and science stood triumphant. I slaughtered the miner cultist on the way back home despite the protests of the science team, but I proved just to my directives.
>KILL ALL CULTISTS.

MimicFaux · Post by **MimicFaux** » Thu Feb 09, 2017 3:36 pm #253526

Tales from spaaaaace!

New game modes are rare. And usually bring something fresh and interesting to the usual round. One of these, is the Clock Cult. Magical steampunk fanatics in spess, the cult of Ratvar seeks to free their elder god from his ancient prison.
Positioned to be mortal enemies with the blood cult of Nar'Sie, the clock cult has the same idea of force convert the crew, summon Cthulhu equivalent. The different is that instead of blood and sacrifice, the clocks focus more on base building. Converting portions of the station itself to their side. The shiny brass contraptions with their structures and walls of a clock cult are unmistakable, and can be difficult to conceal once the base grows past a certain point. Often this is the rallying point of the crew.

But this story isn't so much about them, although they are important in it's telling. This story is about another role in space Station 13. A much older role. Swarmers.
Small, crab like robots, these little guys appear as a random event where one dead player will respawn as the initial swarmer. They will then try to consume any nearby materials. Be it a forgotten toolbox. A chair or table. Perhaps that bank of computer consoles? Or just the whole dang wall! Swarmers will eat everything in their immediate surroundings and once they fill up ok enough resources, they will replicate themselves. Making an empty shell for another ghost to inhabit or for themselves if they should die. Now there are two swarmers. And then four. Then eight... you begin to see where this is going. Sometimes a swarmers is too greedy, or careless. Perhaps just unlucky. And is discovered and destroyed before it gets out of control. But if the crew is distracted with say... fighting a bunch of brass cultists. The swarmers would be free to multiply in peace.

What happened next was magical to watch. Swarmers and clock cultists had never really existed alongside one another in any serious capacity. Blood cult maybe, but they don't really build anything. With the new game mode of clock cult, came new code introduced to the game. Code that didn't account for the much older, pre existing swarmers. After eating out much of the station maintenance tunnels, the swarm eventually discovered one of the cultists smaller bases and to their surprise they couldn't eat the brass walls! Sure, they could dismantle them, as they were coded as structures like anything else. But the raw material could not be consumed! The swarmers began to debate and chitter with one another over what this meant. They were guided by the guiding principles of consume and reproduce. Clock cultists, ultimately want to summon their god, who upon entering the mortal plane sends out a wave of golden energy that ripples across the entire station converting it into brass. While it looks cool, this meant nothing would be left for them to eat! So when the alert went out that the clock cult had begun to open the portal, the swarmers had collectively decided that to preserve their mission, they must destroy the portal!

This was exceptionally funny because swarmers don't have weapons. They had a little energy pea shooter that drains your stamina a little, and an electric touch that does the same. Beyond that they can channel a teleport effect on downed targets, and eat things. That's it.

The clock cult, being a bunch of base builders had walls, protective glyphs, turrets, and a number of weapons scavenged from the station itself. On top of all that, they had fortified the AIs satellite as their primary base for summoning ratvar. Remote, and highly defensible. The swarmers did what they did best and converged on the ritual site when a war weary crew were too beaten up and exhausted to continue opposing them. The swarmers gnawed at walls, chipped away at turrets, and died by the droves. But there was still an entire station of metal fuelling reinforcements. Clockwork Cults, unlike blood cults, can also convert cyborgs to their side. Something that swarmers stamina based weapons do absolutely nothing against! But the little bastards were persistent; in the face of invulnerable robo-enemies and layers and layers of defensives. They filtered through the cracks as best they could and darting between the legs of angry cultists, would take a stab at the portal before succumbing to damage. But more were coming. Always coming.

The cultists were whipped into a frenzy trying to repel the tiny invaders. Putting up more doors and locks as fast as they were being torn down. Eventually, under the tide of hungry little mites, the portal buckled and collapsed on itself and the swarmers cheered in victory before returning to their eating. The crew left puzzled over exactly what the heck happened since. One of them were in any fighting shape to stop the cult.
Disheartened but not giving up, the cult regrouped, sealed the breaches and tried again.

Encouraged by their previous victory the swarmers ate and ate to swell their numbers and went at it a second time, and a second time, the previously 'annoying but harmless' swarmers toppled the portal. By this point the crew had managed to call the shuttle to evacuate and many of the cultists killed themselves out of frustration at being defeated like this.

No one expected them to win, but win they did! Later, the coder responsible for the clock cult made some tweaks. Brass was not. It only edible to swarmers, but delicious! Granting almost double the usual materials. This buff was offset by no longer being able to attack the portal itself. As 'this strange device is duplicating resources!' A fair trade and a good story of the old and new coming together in unexpected ways aboard space Station 13!

Xhuis · Post by **Xhuis** » Thu Feb 09, 2017 5:26 pm #253563

>coder responsible for clock cult
>people have already forgotten about me

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

That's actually really cool, though. I'm going to link that story next time someone asks me to explain the game to them.

MimicFaux · Post by **MimicFaux** » Thu Feb 09, 2017 7:04 pm #253615

Xhius, I thought specifically of you when I wrote that line. "Do I write currently responsible? Largely? Adopted? I opted for the generic line because the story was about swarmers and clock cults, not who filed the patent on CC ^-^;
But I'm glad you think it's good enough share! I try to write those stories so that people without prior experience can get something out of them. I'll be sure to post more!

confused rock · Thu Feb 09, 2017 7:27 pm

I can't hold you responsible xhuis its not your fault its a shitfest

Xhuis · Post by **Xhuis** » Fri Feb 10, 2017 3:42 am #253828

Just had this round on Bagil. I admire MimicFaux's style but I've always done best in greentext.

>be me
>chaplain, wilson stockwell
>preacher of the Art of the Artistic
>deity: His Grace
>give a quick sermon to His Grace and go to get maintenance access
>(I'm hoping to find a normal artistic toolbox from random spawns)
>get it and scout out maintenance
>about to give up when I see one
>send a graceful blessing to His Grace and bring it back to the chapel
>spend the next few minutes drawing elaborate wire art and putting down and lighting some candles
>begin a prayer to His Grace
>finish it...
>...smitten by the gods
>it was not sufficient
>hear a voice: "oh did you say BOON? I thought you said BOOM"
>thanks Grace, you're a swell guy
>the altar must be prepared further
>thinking of how to proceed when a security officer comes in
>uh oh
>"wait, are you trying to summon his grace?"
>"yes..."
>"I am SO down"
>good, a friend
>we go to medbay to get organs for the altar
>I get an appendectomy and head back to the chapel
>an explosion happens less than five seconds later
>officer dropped off a corpse while I was away
>pda him, no response
>can't make a toolbox without breaking a few eggs
>all I have is an appendix
>pondering where to proceed when an assistant in a schoolgirl outfit stumbles in
>bleeding profusely and close to death, with a shard, rod, and pen embedded in her
>"remember me, please..."
>"his grace shall heal you"
>chain of healing hits
>"wait what the hell? well, thanks!"
>pulls all the shit out of her
>hm...
>set up the embedded objects around the altar
>they have experienced blood, agony, and fear
>perfect offerings
>it's missing something...
>the body
>grab my metastation soul shard and swipe its shade
>have it sit in a chair opposite me
>light the candles
>begin chanting the ritual
>several prayers, with no response
>interrupted several times by zombie incinerations and spacings
>the zombies are a threat, surely that may help?
>i slice my wrist open with the null rod
>two others show up
>they chant with me in unison
>the candles suddenly go out
>"What is it you desire, servant?"
>beg for a true image
>a true manifestation of
>His Grace
>"Hm. Allow me to mull this over."
>i take a vow of silence
>i wait
>below me, a toolbox appears
>it is His Grace
>i stand
>we need organs
>we have two: my appendix and the heart from the chaplain closet
>me and my twisted congregation go on the hunt, with the cook offering his life at every turn
>we find a mime in deep crit
>finish him off
>cook and I go to down
>his organs spill out
>heart, lungs, appendix
>lungs are too big
>cook frantically hacks off the head and retrieves the brain
>someone screams
>singulo is headed our way
>"No."
>activate His Grace
>it begins to shake
>"Do not worry."
>"His Grace will protect us."'
>HIS GRACE THIRSTS FOR BLOOD
>he cometh to shield us
>the singularity never comes
>but His Grace hungers for flesh
>its thirst must be sated
>first, it consumes the mime's corpse
>bloodlust begins to overcome me after a short time
>the cook falls to his knees
>i split open his skull with His Grace
>phoebe lotsu is antsy about the whole thing and has a shotgun but is not interfering
>His Grace is sated... for now
>the cmo offers himself when the time must come
>thirty seconds left until shuttle, and already it must feed again
>the cmo joins the corpses within
>the shuttle arrives but His Grace is very, very hungry
>i drop it and flee
>it lunges at me, nearly killing me instantly
>after a few seconds... it returns to slumber, and is safe again
>His Grace has shielded me
>i must give it the ultimate sacrifice of my flesh and blood
>pray again, for a collection of organs to awaken it
>"You test my patience."
>five hearts spawn
>quickly stuff them in and attempt to awaken it
>it's not working
>wth fucking space lag
>varediting ensues and eventually an admin force-awakens it
>ten seconds left on the shuttle timer before round end
>"TAKE ME, THY GRACE!"
>five seconds
>it's not counting fast enough
>frantically ahelp to set the victims var to 100
>three seconds
>two seconds
>one second
>His Grace devours me alive
>shuttle arrival, round end
>His Grace has been fed
>praise be to His Grace

AnonymousNow · Fri Feb 10, 2017 5:39 am

Er, I was the CMO, and I stayed alive throughout that round, frantically healing people in the bombed-out medbay. You ate one of my doctors?

Xhuis · Post by **Xhuis** » Fri Feb 10, 2017 1:31 pm #253936

AnonymousNow wrote:Er, I was the CMO, and I stayed alive throughout that round, frantically healing people in the bombed-out medbay. You ate one of my doctors?

Someone wore your hardsuit, so I figured it was you.

cedarbridge · Post by **cedarbridge** » Sat Feb 11, 2017 4:47 am #254146

>Robutticist
>Borg a dude, start making bots
>medic runs up
>hey, make me an android or something
>aug the fuck out of him
>before I can let him out, Sybil eats a flying meme to the face and dies
>come back 90% of the server is braindead due to crash
>eventually augman wakes up
>fucks off
>end of round I was his target and he just used my services and left

Good work pays off.

MimicFaux · Post by **MimicFaux** » Sat Feb 11, 2017 4:54 am #254148

If my target's been a decent human being, I'll let them know. "Syndicate sent me here to kill you etc etc, if you could have an unfortuante accident between now and then, that'd be great. Or not. Your call"
Lizard bartender ended up committing suicide right then and there for me. Which, while horrifying to witness, was appreciated. I had the CMO graft his lizard tail to me.

Haevacht · Post by **Haevacht** » Sat Feb 11, 2017 4:56 am #254149

MimicFaux wrote:If my target's been a decent human being, I'll let them know. "Syndicate sent me here to kill you etc etc, if you could have an unfortuante accident between now and then, that'd be great. Or not. Your call"
Lizard bartender ended up committing suicide right then and there for me. Which, while horrifying to witness, was appreciated. I had the CMO graft his lizard tail to me.

A while ago there was a 3-strong triator team who group up I was a part of, it was neat. Turns out it was DA and the AI, one of them, needed me dead. So I bought cards can got them to call red or black. They called right so they got the greentext. Suicided after the pods left because HONOUR TO THE GRAVE!

MimicFaux · Post by **MimicFaux** » Sat Feb 11, 2017 6:35 am #254163

Tales from Spaaaaace!

Today, I am a wizard. Hell yeah. It's been a long time, and I've the perfect gimmick for it!

The Armchair General!

The game plan is simple. I ask the admins to blow off my legs. I'll boot around in a wheelchair and order my minions and they drag back bodies for me to resurrect as constructs and skeleton warriors!

Primary: minion based spells.
Soulstone belt + shell summon, necromantic stone, staff of animation.

Secondary: Defensive. Time Stop
Jaunt/Blink is the bread and butter of many a wizard, I wanted to try something a little different.

Shits and giggles: spell packet.
Originally I was going to have regular lightning, because while unwieldy, I love the chasing down assistants while the spell charges and fries everyone on screen. But... then I saw the spell packet spell and was reminded of the 'Magic Missile.ogg' sound file with the screaming and panic while the dorky guy says magic missile over and over and I made up my mind. I refunded lightning bolt for spell packet. Literally, upon use you summon a little pouch in your hand, throw is conveniently auto-toggled for you, and whoever you hit gets stunned for a short time. Oh. You also shout out 'lightning bolt' which is funny.

With all my spells settled I realize at this point I actually have objectives assigned to me. I laugh because I was so excited to be a wizard I forgot to check muh valids. I decide to leave it at that and worry about it later. I teleport to the station dropping myself off in the library. I tried to think of somewhere that had swivel chairs for my gimmick. The vacant office came to mind, but I didn't have anyway of getting out of there, so I went with the second choice of the library. No one works there anyway. I don't have any actually lethal spells, so I'll have to pick off someone isolated to start to start the army going. I land in the library and the smoke clears. I'm standing literally beside a librarian and a doctor he was talking to.

GREETINGS! I come on behalf of the wizard federation!

I pop the time stop spell and fumble for my ritual knife and start chopping at the librarian. Ugh, I forgot how dull this thing is. He eventually manages to scramble away before I can stab him to death. Whatever, I turn down towards the office room to grab my chair. Turns out a security officer was in the area the the doctor managed to flag him down to arrest that dangerous criminal! Suddenly I'm very concerned because my time stop spell is freshly on cooldown and I'm without any minions. Panicking, I dodge the first few taser shots and fire the animation staff wildly in their general direction. Maybe I'll hit a lamp or something. The bookcase sprouts eyes and starts lumbering towards them. Oh! For whatever reason I didn't think you could animate those. Cool! But before I can take advantage of this, reinforcements have arrived and suddenly I'm backed into a corner with no escape. I try to get the teleport scroll out, desperately seeking a redo. Once I have some minions it'll be fine. But first I need to--Bzzkt! Fuck. Tased.

With time stop still on cooldown and the stun batons slapping me left and right, I'm super boned. Disheartened that the fun was over before it could even begin I grumble about how if I had taken jaunt/Magic missile/disintegrate like every other wizard, I wouldn't be in this mess. I'm quickly stripped of my robes and staff and hauled off to security. I'm... not dead yet. There's still a chance. Wait no, I'm missing robes, can't time stop and teleport out anymore. Damnit. I'm brought before the head of security where I'm beaten to death and looted of my toys. ggnore... or so I thought.

One curious security officer taps my body with my necromantic stone... reviving me as a skeleton. Well... now this has some potential for a turn around. Granted... I'm slaved to their will, but I'm at least alive again. And that's a start. I can see an officer in full riot gear with my staff strapped across his back. There's no way I'm getting that back. My gear has been randomly dispersed amongst the crew. I can see my hat on the Chief Engineer, my new master has the necro stone, and who knows where the soulstone belt got to. I begin to formulate a plan. This is meta Station, and the chaplain starts with a soulshard in their office. If I could somehow break in and steal it, I could summon a shell and start my army that way!

I patiently and hopefully wait while my new master explains to their coworkers how I'm bound to their will and basically a deputy. So long as I don't overtly being an asshole, I should have time enough to regather my gear, or at least come up with a plan.

I'm debriefed and released back into the halls I start wandering. I find a roller chair and and grab an extinguisher. I coast about gracefully and far. I have fun with this until the extinguisher is empty. Totally could have made that gimmick work. I pass by cargo and see the dead mime in disposals, when I get an idea.

A quick PM to the admins confirms that even a simple wizard costume with its goofy fake beard, is good enough to meet the clothing criteria for wizard spells. I start scavenging for tools, shocked by how much blood and death is ok the station. I didn't summon guns or anything, this is just the crew destroying themselves. Yeesh.

I find a toolbelt and mourn the loss of my soulstone belt and get to work hacking my way into maintenance for a costume vendor. I start scrolling the menu. Chicken suit, no. Captains suit, no. Jester, no. Clown, no. Sexy clown, definitely no. Aha! Wizard robes/hat! I put them on, and they look a little goofy, not the usual pointed hat, and the beard itches, but my spells all respond. imitation or not, I'm back at full power! I take a moment to cackle madly. I check in with my master every now and then, I could have fucked off and gone straight to the armoury from space or some shit (as I was a skeleton now and space-proof) but that sort of thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth. And besides, it's more fun having to play around with the orders of someone else (which arguably is more fun for them as well, having a wizard they can boss around) I lament to them the loss of my equipment while not revealing I have my spells back. To my surprise they say that they not only have the necro stone but also the belt! They give me the belt back and mention that I serve them, and that any servants I make serve me. Implying that my constructs would also answer to her, but thankfully not outright saying that. Now, we're in business.

I excuse myself and slip away, deciding to hunt out my objectives since everything else had gone to hell.

>Kill roboticist.
>Steal Hypospray.

Well, I'm in the area. I start breaking into medbay, break into the CMO's office and smash open his locker. No hypo. Oh wait! There he is! "CMO! Wait! Uh.. Fritz! Hang on a second..." I try to get his attention but he's busy sorting bodies around. Again I'm baffled who's doing all this murder. I've not killed anyone, at worst I maimed the librarian a little. I follow after the CMO and confront him directly, asking for the hypospray, finger on the time stop button. Someone else blunders through, shuffling us about, and I get distracted seeing what was happening and the CMO simply knocks me down and continues on his way. Determined, I chase after him. "Oy! I was talking to you!" TIME STOP!
In my little temporal bubble I brutalize the chief medical officer and slap his body with a soulstone, instantly turning his body to dust. I do this more for the ease of quickly removing his gear then the need for his soul. I rummage through pile of stuff and go through his backpack. No hypo.
"Oy. Shade. Where's the hypo at?"
"Bite me. I ain't telling you now."
"I ain't having none of that; I sharded you, I'm your master. Tell me."
He concedes the point, and gives it to me in a loose riddle. I think about it for half a moment and then fish the hypo out of the medical belt from his belongings. The shade is grumbling that I got it so quickly but is otherwise cooperative.

Now things get interesting.
A new escape shuttle available to the crew is 'The Arena'. A hellish bloodbath that can only get gotten once a dangerous demon on the planet below the station is killed.
The point of it is, once you get on, your given a chainsaw you can't drop, and hallucinate everyone else in the arena as a horrible demon. Hack and saw them apart, take their head to the exit gate, and you can board the shuttle proper.

It's designed so that only half of everyone who gets on the shuttle, can make it through, and limits your weapons to just a chainsaw since you can't use your hands. An even battleground to test your mettle. But wizards don't play fair.

Had I taken blink or jaunt, they would have been disabled on board the shuttle, but my time stop was still fair game! I hacked and slashed everyone I came across, and whenever someone tried to run away, or backed me into a corner, I'd freeze them in place and chop them to bits handily. Killing my fair share, I grabbed a head of the fallen and proceeded to the 'winners circle' beyond the exit gate. Hands free of the enchanted chainsaw, I took the CMO's ensouled shard and put it inside a construct and ordered him to start murdering everyone. I sharded someone else, made them an artificer to produce more shards and shells to speed up my production. I threw my spell packets at some of the trickier opponents. lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!

By the end of it all, I stood alone amongst my army, the Armchair General!

Deitus · Post by **Deitus** » Sat Feb 11, 2017 6:58 am #254167

a few goodies

>assistant on box
>going around grabbing my round gear
>crap still need a toolbelt
>let myself into engi to grab a spare when suddenly magic spawns
>hoooooooo
>get a forcewall just as an engi runs at me with a welder
>attacks me
>run back and put up a wall
>ask what the fuck his problem is as CE walks up
>[unintelligible autistic screeching]
>yeah okay bud
>let myself back out, closing the door just before they can come in behind me and baton/welder my ass
>walk up to cargo to grab some wrapping paper for my roundly pneumatic canon when wiz spawns in
>neato gimme some more magic fampai
>he tosses me his teleport scroll but mentions there are apprentices
>no wonder there were all those cries of fireballs and shit
>decide to teleport myself into armory to deal with wizard menace
>take some guns to distribute when hos walks in and tases me
>shoulda seen that coming
>throws me in a cell and strips, takes backpack
>"oh my"
>dumps it out
>notice he's taking my soap
>hey i got that fair and square at least leave that
>"nope mine now"
>nigga nobody steals my motherfucking soap
>manage to get out of cell as he takes off cuffs, try to grab soap and run
>wall myself off from him and try to hack out
>get flashbanged and dragged off to gulag
>this nigga didnt put any points on it
>immediately return
>more wall shenanigans
>finally he just wand of death's me
>afk as ghost
>come back later to find hos scry orbing
>asks me how hell is
>p gud fam
>as shuttle arrives mass sentience event ensues
>sign me the fuck up
>get beepsky
>[law intensifies]
>heading to shuttle when i spot cap and hos in cap's office
>STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM
>stun and cuff both, but hos gets away
>chase after him dragging the cap
>hos manages to lose me long enough to get out of cuffs
>cap yells over radio to use pda to stop me
>get chat messages saying i get pinged or something
>my law cannot be contained, silly mortals
>chase him more as hos tries to laser me
>finally stun him down just as round ends
>YOU CAN'T OUTRUN A RADIO

~~~

>ass on box
>you are the changeling!
>neat time to try for secling
>put on chit armor, armblade, and go wait in hop line
>hop goes apeshit
>shutters down, flash, disabler
>take cover
>he goes around outside to try and laser more as he calls for sec
>ligger warden comes and tases
>literally what have i done
>adrenaline sack away
>more saxxing when i pass rd
>asks me to give him my arm via surgery
>sure lets try it, not sure if it will work
>takes me to surgery room when server shits its pants
>reconnect a few minutes later, rd comes back at about the same time
>arm surgery doesnt work
>eh just take my head off for memes fam
>sawwed off and i revive
>go around as headless horseless horseman
>watch (?) some bridge fights
>admins give me :^) text where my head would be
>looks odd so they change it to OwO
>ask for lenny, but code doesnt support
>hop on shuttle when it comes
>get spaced by engi with shotgun, later learn its at the behest of the ligger warden
>well fuck me i guess
>get teleported to centcomm
>oh neat
>barely avoid walking into a supermatter shard
>oh wait its named "bulge"
>remember OwO face
>oicwutudidthere
>as shuttle arrives point to the bulge frantically before round ends

~~~
>ass box again
>grabbing round shit when i notice a cobblestone in front of bridge
>i must destroy this
>declare as such to crew
>borg comes to watch silently
>all right lets do this
>throw two improv firebombs at it
>only fracture bridge windows
>plan b
>fire pneumatic canon at it
>nothing
>plan c as a sec officer comes to watch
>start weldering the shit out of it
>officer debates arresting me but eventually runs after the clown when it pies us
>keep weldering when borg leaves
>about to give up when borg returns with a pickaxe
>goold plan d, borgie
>spend a few minutes trying to destroy it with pickaxe
>give up
>okay borgie
>thats fuckin it
>time for final plan E
>borg follows me silently as i let myself into toxins
>spend a few minutes making a toxins bomb
>finish it up and grab a bomb suit
>borg goes engi and grabs an oxy canister
>go to my archnemesis rock
>tell all crew to stay away
>most dont listen till i actually whip out the bomb, then they scatter
>have borg close bridge blast doors
>time's up, rock
>open the valve
>i get blown down the hallway, dead
>immediately ghost to go look at my explosion
>anxiously await smoke clearing
>DID PLAN E WORK?!
>smoke clears to reveal a clean hole
>ROCK LITERALLY BTFO
>other dedghosts tell me that apparently there was bananium in it or something
>zero fucks, rocks must die
>a little while later get "rock update" or something of the such
>"we're sending a diplomat, please dont hurt it"
>[img]https://image.ibb.co/e4irJv/Untitled3.png[/img]
>nobody dares hurt this kawaii rock
>these pansies dont realize the evil of the rock
>something must be done
>spawn as ghost role bartender
>teleport back to station
>grab an oxy tank and make a beeline for this abomination
>rock is literally trembling as i approach
>YOU WILL NOT FOOL ME
>smack the shit out of it
>disappears in one hit
>two updates from rock association with screams of agony and promises of revenge
>hos stuns me and brings me to bridge, hop begs rock association for mercy and says they have the villain
>VILLAIN?! NO, HERO! DEATH TO ROCKS!!
>rock association says its too late and they're sending their greatest warriors to avenge the atrocity
>what the f-
>meteors have been detected on collision course with the station
>oh
>mighty rocks smash into the station as i continue to scream anti-rock propaganda
>ce silently walks in as i manage to unbuckle from my seat and sax
>grabs a gun and stuns hos and hop
>whips out double esword and goes to town
>WHEEEEEEEEW
>uncuffs me without a word and walks out
>rd comes in a few seconds later and a struggle ensues as they try to cuff me
>eventually go down and get killed
>RIP
>captain spawns in but is immediately killed by an errant space carp
>F
>back on bridge
>somewhere along the line someone mad a shitton of ED bots
>one comes in and chainstuns the shit out of the RD
>ghostchat goes nuts
>the ed bot wont stop
>continues plunging its fully erect stunbaton into the rd's ass for upwards of 5 minutes
>admins start spinning it
>eventually the newly named spincurity has attained release of its justice orgasm and walks off in search of more scum
>later on spincurity finds the CE in science
>new justiceboner attained
>chainstuns ce for a good few minutes before he is satiated again
>walks off as shuttle arrives
>spots the hop that somehow revived
>apparently has a massive hatred for any heads
>stuns as the hop suffocates on the build-a-shuttle
>ghostchat's sides are ascended to a new dimension
>rock association says centcomm is under siege
>this oughtta be good
>shuttle docks to a legion of meteors and a sentient rock
>most fall to meteors, but hos who also somehow got revived takes it out with the cap saber
>rock explodes and gibs everything
>around rocks, never relox

a good night for spessmen overall

cedarbridge · Post by **cedarbridge** » Mon Feb 13, 2017 8:19 pm #255094

>Solo revhead chemist
>runs up the hall and chases a lone emt to the brig. Brig is empty for some reason so the coast is clear to flash this emt who strangely has brig access
>flash!
>nothing happens
>flash!
>get battoned
>revhead dies
>scrolltext
>"EMT" was the CMO wearing a blue EMT hat

Not me but I had a good giggle watching it happen.

Mon Feb 13, 2017 10:53 pm

cedarbridge wrote:>Solo revhead chemist
>runs up the hall and chases a lone emt to the brig. Brig is empty for some reason so the coast is clear to flash this emt who strangely has brig access
>flash!
>nothing happens
>flash!
>get battoned
>revhead dies
>scrolltext
>"EMT" was the CMO wearing a blue EMT hat

Not me but I had a good giggle watching it happen.

as you AC more you will quickly find that an astonishing amount of people don't know how to convert as revhead
just, JUST FLASH THEM all you have to DO IS FLASH THEM

cedarbridge · Mon Feb 13, 2017 10:58 pm

PKPenguin321 wrote:
cedarbridge wrote:>Solo revhead chemist
>runs up the hall and chases a lone emt to the brig. Brig is empty for some reason so the coast is clear to flash this emt who strangely has brig access
>flash!
>nothing happens
>flash!
>get battoned
>revhead dies
>scrolltext
>"EMT" was the CMO wearing a blue EMT hat

Not me but I had a good giggle watching it happen.
as you AC more you will quickly find that an astonishing amount of people don't know how to convert as revhead
just, JUST FLASH THEM all you have to DO IS FLASH THEM

I miss the old days of department spawn blobs. Hard to forget the assistant who went to medbay to report to a chemist about his "feeling bloated" (old "about to pop" text) and plopped a blob core right in the middle of the chem line.

Xhuis · Post by **Xhuis** » Mon Feb 13, 2017 11:50 pm #255177

>cmo
>traitor
>kill roboticist, die
>ez
>get set up and duck into maint
>buy a surplus crate
>hardsuit, freedom implant, pistol with magazine, camera bug, x4 bag, chameleon kit, toolbox, and an esword
>start stashing it all
>an assistant suddenly walks in
>runs off
>"ey yo wait"
>suddenly I slip
>he tries to cuff me
>"hi, idiot"
>oh no he's retarded
>get up and walk one tile away
>he tases me
>validhunters lmao
>he cuffs me
>freedom implant out and he pussies out like a bitch
>some stuff was left behind, tell him he can have what he wants
>negotiate shaky peace through radio and he doesn't snitch
>ok time to kill robo
>walk into medbay
>everything is plasma
>but nothing is fire
>ok ok
>swap out hypospray with neurotoxin and ditch my meds to carry more stuff
>oh I should mention that his grace showed up and then fell asleep
>head to robotics to find my quarry
>not around
>head to escape, see the chaplain
>ask about his grace and start to heal
>target casually walks into chapel with a corpse
>"hey"
>he puts the corpse on a table
>hypospray him
>four slices with the sword and he's crit
>drag him into an airlock and finish him off
>drop a minibomb on his body
>objective complete
>head to bridge to call shuttle because in the three minutes it took me to find and kill the roboticist the station has gone to complete shit
>hop batons me while I'm calling
>wth
>"what are you doing here?"
>"i'm the cmo you doof"
>"sorry someone just tried to kill me"
>smile and nod boys
>call the shuttle with reason: "Everything is horrible. Also, I'm about to start a murder spree"
>turn back to hop
>"deja vu huh?"
>hypospray esword prank GONE WRONG
>ai locks me down
>jumps into holopad and smugly says "no."
>oh no
>it's retarded
>"a good doctor always comes prepared, AI"
>x4 into cap's office
>captain sitting casually at his desk
>"oh hi cap"
>"hi"
>"you should probably leave"
>"nah, a captain goes down with his ship"
>"mind if I take your gun?"
>"nah"
>he walks out and heads towards me
>suspicious, so I hypo him but don't attack
>"it won't kill you, don't worry"
>"I'm going to die anyway"
>shrug and take the gun
>spend a few minutes fooling around with cameras and APCs trying to get free
>ai is whining
>get an idea
>1. it's stubborn
>2. it's not letting me out despite me saying that I'll kill people if he doesn't (i would actually follow up on it too)
>3. it has a validboner
>

>x4 into the hallway
>everything is fire
>casually stroll in with my non heat-resistant hardsuit
>can't get out because doors are bolted
>hmm
>go back in, put out
>in dark orange health
>engiborg strolls in
>"hey could you maybe put out those fires"
>wordlessly leaves
>thanks obama
>"ai, if you don't let me out, i'm going to die"
>law 1 says it should rescue me into another room
>but it's retarded, remember
>bridge catches fire
>i catch fire
>everything is fire
>i die
>glorious death:
>achieved

BeeSting12 · Post by **BeeSting12** » Tue Feb 14, 2017 1:17 am #255199

PKPenguin321 wrote:
cedarbridge wrote:>Solo revhead chemist
>runs up the hall and chases a lone emt to the brig. Brig is empty for some reason so the coast is clear to flash this emt who strangely has brig access
>flash!
>nothing happens
>flash!
>get battoned
>revhead dies
>scrolltext
>"EMT" was the CMO wearing a blue EMT hat

Not me but I had a good giggle watching it happen.
as you AC more you will quickly find that an astonishing amount of people don't know how to convert as revhead
just, JUST FLASH THEM all you have to DO IS FLASH THEM

First time I was a revhead I use the AOE flash in an attempt to convert. The librarian gave me several weird looks until I finally learned that I had to click on him with the flash. Being new is always funny

Deitus · Post by **Deitus** » Tue Feb 14, 2017 5:59 pm #255480

Xhuis wrote:"i literally announced i was going to go on a killing spree when the ai just watched me murder the hop and later the captain, reee ai why did you bolt me down"

[img]https://image.ibb.co/izFxtv/1414122759153.gif[/img]

D&B · Post by **D&B** » Tue Feb 14, 2017 7:15 pm #255505

>Join as HoS
> Get into brig, everything emmaged
>Except the gas masks, but all doors open
>Check on the armory to see if there's something I can kill myself with
>See QM running out
>Tase and cuff, they said they didn't emag it and we're just sightseeing
>Right
>Check their bag, stolen taser and egun
>Execute them, try to look for the person emmaged stuff
>Bwoinked for killing the qm, everything's kosher though
>Fast forward
>End round shows Qm was antag.

Topest of wews were had today

cedarbridge · Tue Feb 14, 2017 10:23 pm

D&B wrote:>Join as HoS
> Get into brig, everything emmaged
>Except the gas masks, but all doors open
>Check on the armory to see if there's something I can kill myself with
>See QM running out
>Tase and cuff, they said they didn't emag it and we're just sightseeing
>Right
>Check their bag, stolen taser and egun
>Execute them, try to look for the person emmaged stuff
>Bwoinked for killing the qm, everything's kosher though
>Fast forward
>End round shows Qm was antag.

Topest of wews were had today

>gets dunked by sec after raiding the armory
>ahelps
Where did I leave that peeves thread?

D&B · Post by **D&B** » Wed Feb 15, 2017 4:50 am #255774

>Join as miner
>Get a spell blade after killing a bugged bubblegum
>Decide to hang out on station with my Valentine (no homo just a bromance)
>See someone telling about being raped in dorm 2
>Go check it out and get batonned by the CE when I almost broke the airlock down
>They steal my sword and cut off my foot after I try getting it back
>I push them and manage to knock them down with a sword slash
>Gain the freedom of the prisoner and a jaws of life

Later on that same round

>See some drugged up dude running around dragging a cuffed sec officer
>Try to free the officer
>Fuck up but manage to get the rest of sec to help
>Shoot a beam towards the drugged up guy to make them slow down
>Hit the sec officer and cut their arm, getting the handcuffs off
>Allaccordingtokeikaku.ogg
>Sec officer unzips baton and beats the shit out of the junkie
>Starts walking slowly towards me while I explain I was trying to help them
>Throw the baton at me hoping I get stunned
>Cut their other arm off
>"You could say now you're disarmed!"
>I swear I heard laughing before I ran away from Sec

Funniest wizard round I've had, and the wizard died early but nobody noticed.

Xhuis · Post by **Xhuis** » Wed Feb 15, 2017 6:12 pm #255955

D&B wrote:execute someone because they stole something

But why

D&B · Post by **D&B** » Wed Feb 15, 2017 7:53 pm #256002

Xhuis wrote:
D&B wrote:execute someone because they stole something
But why

Alright let me break it down for you since you seem to not understand context or reading in general

1. Everything is emmaged open
2. QM breaking into a high danger, restricted area
3. QM stealing lethal weaponry
4. QM lying about said weaponry

I know you're too busy making gamemodes for other people to balance so this should make it easier on you.

Xhuis · Post by **Xhuis** » Wed Feb 15, 2017 8:01 pm #256005

D&B wrote:
Xhuis wrote:
D&B wrote:execute someone because they stole something
But why
Alright let me break it down for you since you seem to not understand context or reading in general

1. Everything is emmaged open
2. QM breaking into a high danger, restricted area
3. QM stealing lethal weaponry
4. QM lying about said weaponry

I know you're too busy making gamemodes for other people to balance so this should make it easier on you.

I guess I'm just pacifist then, because I wouldn't execute someone because of that. Perma at the worst.

Also, come on. Don't be an ass just because I don't agree with you. Low blow much?

Qbopper · Post by **Qbopper** » Wed Feb 15, 2017 10:38 pm #256080

D&B wrote:
Xhuis wrote:
D&B wrote:execute someone because they stole something
But why
Alright let me break it down for you since you seem to not understand context or reading in general

1. Everything is emmaged open
2. QM breaking into a high danger, restricted area
3. QM stealing lethal weaponry
4. QM lying about said weaponry

I know you're too busy making gamemodes for other people to balance so this should make it easier on you.

The guy was just asking a simple question, I wouldn't have killed someone there either

There's no need to be rude

Xhuis · Post by **Xhuis** » Thu Feb 16, 2017 12:53 am #256124

Deitus wrote:
Xhuis wrote:"i literally announced i was going to go on a killing spree when the ai just watched me murder the hop and later the captain, reee ai why did you bolt me down"
[img]https://image.ibb.co/izFxtv/1414122759153.gif[/img]

actually I'll have you know the captain suffocated I just knocked him out
checkmate

D&B · Post by **D&B** » Thu Feb 16, 2017 8:17 pm #256453

>Miner
>You're a cultist
>Fug :-DDD
>Turn the other miner into a construct
>Have him poop shards and shells while I try to get more people
>On station, go to RnD to drop our minerals and get upgrades
>See Kaff Eine has already built telescience
>Like always
>Gives me science access before locking himself out of his own office
>Print two upgrades before someone yells out that cargo and mining are cult.
>Kill the assistants and the clown that wanted to break in to fight the artificer
>Kill two scientists that teleported down to mining
>Put them on shells and move them station side
>Other cult members have already raided the armory and converted a bunch
>Move towards RnD when I see captain Oldman go into the bridge fully armed
>Go in the bridge, hold my shots until he can be hit
>Take his ID and shard him
>Move to RnD quickly
>See Kaff loading a bomb into telescience
>Fug :-DDD
>Quickly shoot them and prevent ourselves from being blown up
>Barely saved the cult from being blown up
>Tfw