Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

[IcePacks]

Bottom post of the previous page:

>play plasmeme
>you are the chemist
>and a revhead
>kill the cmo, the captain, and allen "faggot" guess
>know exactly what i'm going to do
>grab both syringe guns
>load one with 15u potassium
>load another 15u water
>find the cmo
>shoot him with both
>he has an explosive outburst
>hide the body, despite the efforts of my "allies"
>fill my syringe guns again
>find the captain
>shoot him with both guns
>he bursts with excitement
>space the corpse after looting the id
>use the captain's id to go on the bridge
>find allen "faggot" guess
>shoot him with both syringes
>he explodes but doesn't die instantly
>this combo blows
>wake up (the explosion knocked me out)
>walk up to the captain's case
>start hitting it with a crowbar
>subtlemessage: just kill him
>ignore it
>break the case with the chain of command
>shoot him, execution style
>i was the only revhead

[One Seven One]

>grab both syringe guns
>load one with 15u potassium
>load another 15u water

Ayy, I remember that
I'll have to keep that combo in mind

[Deitus]

>assistant on pubby
>SUICIDE HOPLINE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>do the deed
>queue for a game in overwatch when i hear the notification sound
>do you wanna play as [wizard apprentice]?
>fug yeah nigga
>get spawned in with three other apprentices
>tools: mindswap and knock
>name myself Nigger McNiggerson
>durrhurrhurr classic deitus eks dee
>wizboss says he wants to do stealth, has to hijack shuttle
>b-but my dank name memes
>wizboss insists
>head to magic mirror to change shit
>suddenly get best idea ever
>turn myself into a lizard
>ditch clothes
>name myself "IM VALID PLEASE KILL ME"
>i'll mindswap the captain or something and people will lynch my body thinking its an admin punishment
>other wizbros agree, we all turn into lizards with shitty ligger names
>spawn in bathrooms
>not ten seconds past until a borg walks in
>stealth mode disengaged
>i book it to sec
>AI LEMME IN I WANNA GIVE THE WARDEN A HUG
>ai actually does it, absolute madman
>warden running
>"i would be super mad if you mindswapped me"
>nooooooooooooooooooooooo
>eventually get tired of saxxing
>warden cautiously lets me out
>run to detective and try to hug
>he runs but after a few successful hugs he lets his guard down
>hug hug hug hug hug...swap
>someone helps me up
>them liggers, huh?
>"y-yeah...?"
>go back to brig with my best pokerface
>so uh whats going on warden
>"mindswap liggers"
>whaaaaaaaaaaaaat? noooooooooooooo.
>some engi brings in a wizbro in cuffs
>i try to keep my role and dont immediately drop everything to help him, even baton him a few times for good measure
>madman finally swaps with engi
>warden aint having that shit
>starts harmbatonning wizbro
>feign stupidity and stuncuff warden
>WHAT ARE YOU DOING BRO??????
>"DUDE HE MINDSWAPPED DONT YOU KNOW HOW THAT WORKS?!"
>uuuuh whats a mindswap? *fake smile*
>wizbro gets up and lasers warden to crit
>warden deathwhispers "oh i get it you sneaky cunts"
>sorry m90
>wizbro gets rid of mindswapped engi
>tells me to shoot out the armsky in the armory
>but wizboss said steal--
>"DO IT"
>wizbro breaks into armory
>as i leave i discover all pretense has been dropped and wizbro/boss are now just murderboning
>didntseethatcoming.squidward
>basically just wait around for shuttle
>wizboss and one wizbro come on board when it arrives
>wizboss has 3 captain-level id's, swipes to leave
>despite my efforts to tase them out two get on
>let wizbro/boss kill them
>play cards until we get to centcomm

then next round

>still pubby
>SUICIDE HOPLINE AAAAAAAAAAAAA
>run to hop office
>ai lets me in
>as i prepare to oxy tank explode another assistant comes in (i think cobblestone?)
>gets into a disarm fight with hop
>i stand back to watch before i finish my job
>cobble manages to get hop baton and hit them before aggression grabbing
>strips her while in chokehold
>hot.jpg
>id is dropped, figure fuck it and swipe it before scooting out
>come back a minute or so later to give myself a cap ID
>go to bridge and announce nut shack lyrics
>latejoin captain rushes in and tries to disable me
>sax out into maint
>after repeating this about 2 more times notice that plasma is leaking in atmos
>that cant be good
>BUT THE SHITPOSTING MUST CONTINUE
>nab a communications board, engi suit, tools, etc from engineering
>go to comms sat and wall of a small room of to the side
>use blueprints to rename it "shitpost central"
>apparently the entire station is burning at this point, crew panicking
>0 fucks given as i set up
>make comms console
>proceed to shitpost relentlessly to cross-station announcements
>bee movie script, navy seal pasta, etc. all the best shitposting material
>bagil pleading for me to stop since im clogging the shit out of their comms
>does this look like the face of mercy?
>continue with my autism
>they try to fight back with wgw
>hahaha you silly normies your memes have no power over me
>continue to be a shitter until suddenly my console runs out of power
>reeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>realize i didnt pack a fucking welder or rcd
>well fuck me sideways
>suicide

i totally didnt get a note for that, r-right guis

[Deitus]

>assistant on box
>YOU ARE THE CHANGELING
>aight
>buy armor, arm blade, and shield, equip all three
>saunter through halls and line up in a crowded HOP queue
>awkward stares
>"uh...you're ripped, dude"
>thanks bro i work out
>kat richards suddenly transforms into my gear as well
>ayyy
>while waiting a beepsky clone named "griefsky" zooms by
>starts stuncuffing and arresting everyone
>gets quickly destroyed
>what did you expect nigga?
>chap grabs his pieces and runs
>whatever
>still waiting in line
>suddenly ratvar summoning sound plays
>wooop woop woopWOOPWOOPWOOP ZZZHAO
>"god made today for the crooks we could not catch yesterday"
>radio and ooc crack up
>www.niceme.me
>finally get to front of line, ask to be lingcurity
>HOP allows it, what a neat guy
>go say hello to my new coworkers, grab a sec headset
>"MASSIVE RUNE IN CHAPEL"
>oh boi cult?
>go to chapel
>uh yep thats a narsie summoning sigil all right
>griffsky's remains in the middle
>"WE MUST SUMMON GODSKY"
>ok bud
>kat comes by and tosses in a taser and stunbaton
>borg brings in a corgi
>"SACRIFICE"
>sure whatever, kill/butcher with armblade
>nowwhat.jpg
>we decide to perpetuate the meme and get 9 people to stand in the sigil like a normal summoning
>COME GODSKY
>a red beepsky actually appears
>wew
>suddenly expands until its fucking 2x2 tiles large
>WEW
>become the cult of god'sky, spend shift following him as he stuns and cuffs anyone and everyone
>PRAISE HIM IMPART YOUR KNOWLEDGE OF ROBUSTNESS
>people try to attack with everything from welders to lasers to emp grenades
>god'sky gives -2 fucks and stuns their shit
>silly mortals
>leave on shuttle, help my lord cuff all inside
>arrive at centcomm to a pulserifle death squad duking it out with a similarly large clean bot, the god of cleaning
>admins play rules of nature as a midis
>beepsky robusts the squad's shit
>AND THEY RUN WHEN THE SUN COMES UP

best round i've had in a while, apparently there was also a god of flooring and a god of healing for floor/medbots before we arrived but they were killed before admins could give them invulnerability. some screenies:

[bman]

>assistant on box
-snip-
>AND THEY RUN WHEN THE SUN COMES UP

i was the commander of that squid, i only managed to get some shots on godsky who also had a funny hitbox and jihaded my way in with an esword swinging wildly until i was finally stunned, i screamed out:

"fuck your cuntyoushiteatingcocksuckereatadongyoumassendingshitfuck,eatpenisinyourfuckfaceandshitoutabortionsfuckyourcuntyourshitinyourassyoucockmonkeyasswankerfromthedepthhsofshit"

[Alipheese]

As scrubs.md, angry cleanbot I am offended by the coloring of that cleanbot.

[calzilla1]

memes

Oh yeah, i was the captain that round. I GOT FUCKING DECIMATED BY A DESWORD AFTER ARRESTING A CHANGELING

[Deitus]

>op round
>kat richards captain
>three ops chasing her down
>eventually light her on fire
>she's slowing down, she's fucked
>SHE THROWS THE DISK AT THE OPS
>says in deadchat she thought maybe they'd spare her
>entire deadchat calls her a cuck
>this will forever haunt her

KAT THE KUCK
A
T

T
H
E

C
U
C
K

bonus: she made this announcement next round




EDIT:
immediately after i posted this i found a dumbass that had managed to get himself trapped inside the turbine while it was lit, he got a trophy for "hottest man of the year." forgot to grab a screenie before he finally managed to figure out how to escape, so my bad.

[PKPenguin321]

holy hell i didnt see that captain announcement that's hilarious

also the hottest man of the year had me rolling

why were there so many hilarious rounds tonight

[Armhulen]

i witnessed burning man and holy shit that was good

[Copybass]

>detective
>finally have a round go my way, make the right decision when checking out a crimescene, pull a suspected cultist aside
>end up in brig with the cultie
>tazered down by a scientist who I should have gunned down immediately on seeing
>he fails to kill me because helpful intent
>get up unholster open fire
>no cuffs but harmstick and revolver butt
>im_doing_it.jpg
>chaplain runs in with his hand on fire ready to give out fuckins'
>yes time for back to back gundowns with a bro
>he burns me
>uh oh
>AI tells him to stop hes got the wrong dude
>he kills me and the cultists run off happily
>he thought I was cult
>AI explains over comms
>he suicides in shame
>total_cult_victory.ogg
Christ that shit was funny, I don't fuck something up and I still manage to fuck it up

[Cuboos]

Not much of a story, but still amusing.

One time as the captain it was a rev round, we somehow got all the heads of staff safely on the bridge, with the exception of the HoS, who somehow managed to coordinate security enough to lock down the brig, meaning the revs pretty much had to stick with makeshift weapons. They kept using the AI to remove the lock down on the bridge and a few managed to slip in during those times. I tried an "only listen to the heads of staff" law, but the AI said the second law's higher priority over wrote it. So i got an idea, use the "one human" card to make the heads of staff the only human. So i got the card, put in the heads of staff and told the AI to state laws, "Law 0: The heads of staff is the only human". The HoS requested his security team be added to the "only human" list, somehow i fucked this up and the came out as, "Law 0: and security is the only human". After a few attempts i managed to get it to, "Law 0: The heads of staff and security is the only human". The AI complained about the bad grammar for most of the round -- but it worked -- it refused to listen to the Revs and gladly killed them if it ever got the chance. Something very satisfying about watching a line of revs die from being crushed to death by emergency shutters. The revs managed to convert the entire crew, but were so disorganized and chaotic with their attacks (plus ensuring the AI is only on our side), they were eliminated pretty quickly.

[Cik]

whoever made firelocks damage people is a god tbh

[MimicFaux]

Lemme break down a few things here for you. This was a long ass time ago, maybe a year or so. Still getting my spacelegs. Here we have me (Nathaniel Robsinson) trying to do right by stealing the nuke core. Except, I missed the detail about wearing protective equipment. So...

>Collapse to radiation, slowing sinking into crit.
>Officer shows up to answer the security alert of a vault break in.
>Starts to arrest the criminal scum, realizes he's dying, tries to leave, dies.
>Doctor sees two people dying to toxin damage, goes to do his job, succumbs to radiation pouring out of the exposed nuke.
>Chemist buddy follows up to check on his doctor friend, dies
>Warden investigates what happened to his officer, dies
>Assistant tries to loot the warden, also dies.

By the end of it, NINE people, died to my fuck-up. It was glorious.

[roadrage]

Probably the best round I've had playing SS13 in the month I've been playing.

Decide I don't want to put up with the bullshit on basil tonight, so log in to sybil. Friend asks me if I'm playing ss13, wants me to log into basil. Hell no. He starts bitching about the murderboners on sybil, and box station. I inform him sybil is on delta station. He shuts up.

Select my lizard character, Im-Muranatepa (need to come up with a decent engineer-lizard name one of these days).
Round is about to start, roll engineer.
We quickly get the engine up, tesla. Everyone else fucks off, I busy myself cleaning up the disaster zone they left behind. Put up tools, shut lockers, things like that.
Engineering now looks like professionals work there, and not like a bunch of hairless apes rampaged through.
Go try to find some smokes. (Delta needs a cig machine in the engineering foyer.)
Find the cig machine in the cafeteria area is disassembled. Fuck.
Find cigs in arrivals finally. Vend Robust reds, a lighter and light up.
Head back to engineering, people running around, ignoring the lizard thankfully. (I'm very unrobust at combat anyway)
Check on the engine, some of the other engineers have been back, clean up after them, again.
Bitch on the engineer channel about cleaning up after yourself.
Go to engineering foyer to hang out for a bit.
One of the other engineers comes in from the AI satellite's direction. Starts reading a book. Suspicious. Pull out my crowbar just in case.
He asks me if this book looks funny, walks over and hands it to me.
Restrained. Resist. Clock cult. Fuck.
Asks for metal. He's building a base north of the solars.
Look in the storage room, someone actually brought a hardsuit back!
Get hardsuit, go to maintenance, disassemble floor tiles, girders, and whatever else I can to salvage metal. (didn't think to look for a machine to get a RCD out of)
Leader says on cult comms he desperately needs metal. I take him 12 sheets, and go back to maintenance.
Have another stack of 10 sheets when the cult is discovered. Some other shit happens on the east side of the station. Shuttle is called.
Converted borg takes leader into the ai chamber, converts the AI.
AI recalls shuttle, borg disassembles the comms console.
Head to the AI sat, help build a fortress.
Finally get all the scripture unlocked, summon Ratvar.
Light up my final smoke of the shift, and laugh as the heathens run for the shuttle.
Marooned on SS13, Cult victory.

And my friend wonders why I prefer to play on sybil. I've never had a round like that on basil, always get killed or the station blows up 10 minutes in. This round was probably 2hrs.

Also, I've got a lot of learning to do. Lots of depth to this game. I'll get there, though.

[DemonFiren]

>tesla
And that's supposed to be a good round?

[Okand37]

Thus falls the last defender of golem-kind, a true hero.

[roadrage]

>tesla
And that's supposed to be a good round?

Unfortunately, everyone seems to have a boner for the tesla. I've been in two separate heated arguments tonight, everyone wants to use the pussy engine. Rarely does anyone else want to use the sing.

[TheSharmat]

So someone from science decided to make a medbot train with pAIs to annoy the fuck out of everyone. Turns out AI was rogue though and she ended up dieing, leaving the pAIs with the directive to "listen to Citizen Snips". We only had one option at this point, which was to invade the AI core and annoy it to death. In the end a hugbot ended up destroying the core.

Spoiler:

[Waplo]

Midpop round
Be clown
Chaplain asks me to come by the Chapel alone without telling anyone
He asks what kind of clown I am
"A sad clown"
He asks if I enjoy causing chaos and destruction
I say it's the only thing that give me joy
He promise me funny items if I can kill a particular assistant
Agree and return to bar
The assistant corpse is on the table
Grab him and bring him to the Chapel
He asks me to find the nuclear disk
We perform a ritual
The Gods turn me into a tunnel Clown, with a hoodie, an axe, a thermal monocle and all access
I stalk the tunnels
Enter Captain office with another friend of the Chaplain
Cap see and stun us
Put in brig
Sec don't know I have all access, they leave my Id in its place
1 minutes later I open the locker, recover my stuff and open the cell
walk into the armory and grab guns
walk into HoS office and take the pinpointer
go into ghetto bar to meet Chaplain
Scream "I found the pinpointer!"
pissed off traitor bartender out of nowhere kills us both

[MrAlphonzo]

>Sec officer
>Go undercover, wear chicken suit, ditch some of the standard gear to blend in more
>End up catching a scientist with sleeping carp
>Get thermals, reviver implant, CNS reboot, no-drop, etc etc
>Later in sci, wandering around the hallways
>RD starts murdering a miner because he's wearing a blood red hardsuit
>Taze the RD, shove him away, and try to give the miner medical attention
>RD comes back, starts shooting at me again, and I go down
>Beats me into crit, back up is taking forever to get here
>Reviver kicks in, and I harmbaton the fucker
>Grab his PDA, its unlocked and has 19 TC
>Shuttle docks, bring the miner to cloning in the hopes that'd be fast enough and take his hardsuit due to the inevitable breaches on the shuttle
>Buy desword and noslips, of course :^)
>Hop on the asteroid shuttle
>Check in on a little group in a cramped corner of the shuttle
>Just a borg shooting some lolipops, some tiders and a clown goofing off
>Shitter geneticist spams EMP implant in the middle of the group and triggers my reviver implant
>Go into crit for a few minutes
>Assume they are valid since they just EMPed an asimov borg for no raisin
>E-bow and desword before they can use that EMP implant again and kill me
>I shit on tators and got sweet loot, today was a good shift
>Bwoink
>"WHAT"
>Turns out that the geneticist wasn't an antag and that it was my fault for getting hit by the EMP. Got a spooky scary note.
>Still got that loot tho :^)

>Another round
>Go undercover
>Not as smooth
>Dress up as a big chicken, my usual disguise
>Thought I heard emagging in the cap's office
>Hack in
>The Captain disablers me for a solid three minutes until he got "I'M A SEC OFFICER YOU JACKASS" through his head
>Go into brig to escort some arrest
>A sec officer tazes and cuffs me
>Not this again
>Eventually get let go
>Decide to change disguise due to everyone yelling about the big chicken over comms
>Switch to green poncho, green sombrero, and tacticool to look as much like a tider as possible.
>Cargo has its own R&D division, decide to sneak in and make sure they aren't making anything too deadly
>A tech drags me into the bay and I walk in on a janitor, an assistant, and QM Bryce Pax crafting a master plan to raid the brig
>I climb into a locker with the assistant, get wrapped, and disposaled to the HoS' office
>Climb out and taze the assistant
>"DEEP UNDERCOVER"
>The assistant is stammering about an undercover cop over cargo comms and asking for Pax to help while Pax is just screaming "SHIT" "FUCK" "I CAN'T HELP YOU"
>Pax's shittery is contained in a cell and I go about my shift
>Terrifyingly quiet for about fourty minutes
>Eventually we all leave due to a kudzu infestation

Another great day for Rex Salazar.

[PKPenguin321]

got a few from way back that i remembered

>be morph on boxstation
>crew's onto me
>slippin and slidin around being a menace
>captain in particular REALLY hates me
>manage to disguise at him much to his anguish
>go to hallway above bridge disguised as captain
>some idiot placed a bluespace shelter there blocking the hall, sec is there unable to get to their department
>start screaming "THAT'S IT!!"
>"I'VE HAD IT WITH THESE FUCKING SHELTERS!!"
>"SEC I NEED YOU TO EXECUTE ALL THESE PEOPLE IN THERE RIGHT NOW THAT IS AN ORDER OR I WILL DEMOTE YOU!!"
>sec actually starts beating them to death, the absolute madmen
>they fight back and a full on brawl breaks out
>real captain rolls up and sees the chaos
>then he sees me disguised as him and flips
>i get outta there via a vent while everybody's distracted fighting
>captain and sec end up killed by the mob, a lot of the mob is dead
>feed on the free corpses

another story

>traitor on box
>wanted ling but oh well
>get chameleon kit, adrenal implant, esword
>nab an ID off a suicided corpse in disposals
>put it on and chameleon into some retarded outfit
>go out into a hallway, esword a dude to death in plain view, duck into maint
>somebody calls me out over radio and chases after me
>quickly chameleon into an engineering hardsuit, swap IDs
>he comes in and i talk
>"I saw the traitor head east that way"
>"oh awesome can you help me take him down he's got an esword"
>"Of course my man let's go"
>head into a deep part of maint with him
>cut off his legs and head while in disguise
>"surprise it's me"
>take his ID and chameleon into his clothes, now i'm him
>do this a few more times, killing people and becoming them, never getting caught
>basically a budget changeling
>shuttle docks and i realize i have a die a glorious death objective
>slip HoS as he runs to shuttle and he drops an esword ???
>take it and make a dual esword and fuck him up
>start rampaging in the escape hallway with a huge bodycount
>scientist walks out of science with a bag of holding
>fuck him up and take it, try to print another but protolathe has no gold
>shuttle leaves and AI is desperately trying to wall me in
>suddenly miner walks in with a dual esword and another bag of holding
>we duel and i win
>pop a BoH bomb much to the AI's dismay
>greentext

[D&B]

>Sec officer
>Go undercover, wear chicken suit, ditch some of the standard gear to blend in more
>End up catching a scientist with sleeping carp
>Get thermals, reviver implant, CNS reboot, no-drop, etc etc
>Later in sci, wandering around the hallways
>RD starts murdering a miner because he's wearing a blood red hardsuit
>Taze the RD, shove him away, and try to give the miner medical attention
>RD comes back, starts shooting at me again, and I go down
>Beats me into crit, back up is taking forever to get here
>Reviver kicks in, and I harmbaton the fucker
>Grab his PDA, its unlocked and has 19 TC
>Shuttle docks, bring the miner to cloning in the hopes that'd be fast enough and take his hardsuit due to the inevitable breaches on the shuttle
>Buy desword and noslips, of course :^)
>Hop on the asteroid shuttle
>Check in on a little group in a cramped corner of the shuttle
>Just a borg shooting some lolipops, some tiders and a clown goofing off
>Shitter geneticist spams EMP implant in the middle of the group and triggers my reviver implant
>Go into crit for a few minutes
>Assume they are valid since they just EMPed an asimov borg for no raisin
>E-bow and desword before they can use that EMP implant again and kill me
>I shit on tators and got sweet loot, today was a good shift
>Bwoink
>"WHAT"
>Turns out that the geneticist wasn't an antag and that it was my fault for getting hit by the EMP. Got a spooky scary note.
>Still got that loot tho :^)

Another great day for Rex Salazar.

What happened to act like an antag get treated like one. Or use antag items gives the crew believable grounds to assume you're a traitor.

[onleavedontatme]

>Sec officer
>Go undercover, wear chicken suit, ditch some of the standard gear to blend in more
>End up catching a scientist with sleeping carp
>Get thermals, reviver implant, CNS reboot, no-drop, etc etc
>Later in sci, wandering around the hallways
>RD starts murdering a miner because he's wearing a blood red hardsuit
>Taze the RD, shove him away, and try to give the miner medical attention
>RD comes back, starts shooting at me again, and I go down
>Beats me into crit, back up is taking forever to get here
>Reviver kicks in, and I harmbaton the fucker
>Grab his PDA, its unlocked and has 19 TC
>Shuttle docks, bring the miner to cloning in the hopes that'd be fast enough and take his hardsuit due to the inevitable breaches on the shuttle
>Buy desword and noslips, of course :^)
>Hop on the asteroid shuttle
>Check in on a little group in a cramped corner of the shuttle
>Just a borg shooting some lolipops, some tiders and a clown goofing off
>Shitter geneticist spams EMP implant in the middle of the group and triggers my reviver implant
>Go into crit for a few minutes
>Assume they are valid since they just EMPed an asimov borg for no raisin
>E-bow and desword before they can use that EMP implant again and kill me
>I shit on tators and got sweet loot, today was a good shift
>Bwoink
>"WHAT"
>Turns out that the geneticist wasn't an antag and that it was my fault for getting hit by the EMP. Got a spooky scary note.
>Still got that loot tho :^)

Another great day for Rex Salazar.

What happened to act like an antag get treated like one. Or use antag items gives the crew believable grounds to assume you're a traitor.

Trialmins are often a bit eager with the notes, gotta pretend they're hard workers for a while.

[D&B]

I can't believe this degree of victim shaming.

Literally shaking right now

[IcePacks]

>Another round
>Go undercover
>Not as smooth
>Dress up as a big chicken, my usual disguise
>Thought I heard emagging in the cap's office
>Hack in
>The Captain disablers me for a solid three minutes until he got "I'M A SEC OFFICER YOU JACKASS" through his head
>Go into brig to escort some arrest
>A sec officer tazes and cuffs me
>Not this again
>Eventually get let go
>Decide to change disguise due to everyone yelling about the big chicken over comms
>Switch to green poncho, green sombrero, and tacticool to look as much like a tider as possible.
>Cargo has its own R&D division, decide to sneak in and make sure they aren't making anything too deadly
>A tech drags me into the bay and I walk in on a janitor, an assistant, and QM Bryce Pax crafting a master plan to raid the brig
>I climb into a locker with the assistant, get wrapped, and disposaled to the HoS' office
>Climb out and taze the assistant
>"DEEP UNDERCOVER"
>The assistant is stammering about an undercover cop over cargo comms and asking for Pax to help while Pax is just screaming "SHIT" "FUCK" "I CAN'T HELP YOU"
>Pax's shittery is contained in a cell and I go about my shift
>Terrifyingly quiet for about fourty minutes
>Eventually we all leave due to a kudzu infestation

Another great day for Rex Salazar.

i was out in mere minutes, and eventually wound up dying in an insane plot to try and replace centcomm inspectors with various conscripted assistants

[Screemonster]

Not TG, but a few months ago (mostly for laughs) I added hostile geese to polaris.

Fast forward, and I get this message:

[MimicFaux]

Late join as clown
Find all access
High five the mime and give them all access too. Get mutagen to grow the biggest, baddest bananas this side of tau ceti.
Shuttle called, dang.
new idea! get space lube, and hand tele. Classic.

I start with rigging up some basic girders near the top of escape wing. Generally, people don't change 'lanes' when running down the halls, so I set their path early, and leave open halls the rest of the way. I open the portal, and a few tiles further up, I spritz the floor with lube. Every single person coming down that hallway stayed on the path I chose and slipped on the lube, careening into the portal. Warping them somewhere nearby randomly everytime I re-opened the portal.

Now, I'm having a pretty good time with this. So much so, I'm not even bothering with boarding the shuttle myself. Staying behind to maintain the lube / portal. What happened next took it from merely, 'Pretty funny' to 'oh jesus my sides'
What I didn't realize, is that when you slip on lube, the portal maintains your momentum. With some thirty seconds left until the shuttle departs, the last portal I open had it's randomized drop off directly above the lube tile. Here comes scientist Rusty. He slips. He goes into the portal. Reappears above the lube tile, sent over the lube tile, back into the portal. RINSE AND REPEAT. I'm staring at my screen slack jawed in amazement at the closed loop I made. Now comes along a chemist, Zoe. She enters the same loop. All I can do is shout "C-c-c-combo!" over and over as these two poor souls get on Mr. Bones Wild Ride. Absolutely magical.

I was later stabbed to death by Rusty once the portal expired.

The traitors were:
Zoe the chemist
1#: Kill someone, success
2#: Escape, failed
The traitor has failed!
Rusty the scientist
1#: Kill someone, success
2#: Escape, failed
The traitor has failed!

TFW RNGesus himself comes down and blesses your prank, cucking two traitors out of their easy green.

[DemonFiren]

Literally the toppest of honks.

[delaron]

Late join as clown
Find all access
High five the mime and give them all access too. Get mutagen to grow the biggest, baddest bananas this side of tau ceti.
Shuttle called, dang.
new idea! get space lube, and hand tele. Classic.

I start with rigging up some basic girders near the top of escape wing. Generally, people don't change 'lanes' when running down the halls, so I set their path early, and leave open halls the rest of the way. I open the portal, and a few tiles further up, I spritz the floor with lube. Every single person coming down that hallway stayed on the path I chose and slipped on the lube, careening into the portal. Warping them somewhere nearby randomly everytime I re-opened the portal.

Now, I'm having a pretty good time with this. So much so, I'm not even bothering with boarding the shuttle myself. Staying behind to maintain the lube / portal. What happened next took it from merely, 'Pretty funny' to 'oh jesus my sides'
What I didn't realize, is that when you slip on lube, the portal maintains your momentum. With some thirty seconds left until the shuttle departs, the last portal I open had it's randomized drop off directly above the lube tile. Here comes scientist Rusty. He slips. He goes into the portal. Reappears above the lube tile, sent over the lube tile, back into the portal. RINSE AND REPEAT. I'm staring at my screen slack jawed in amazement at the closed loop I made. Now comes along a chemist, Zoe. She enters the same loop. All I can do is shout "C-c-c-combo!" over and over as these two poor souls get on Mr. Bones Wild Ride. Absolutely magical.

I was later stabbed to death by Rusty once the portal expired.

The traitors were:
Zoe the chemist
1#: Kill someone, success
2#: Escape, failed
The traitor has failed!
Rusty the scientist
1#: Kill someone, success
2#: Escape, failed
The traitor has failed!

TFW RNGesus himself comes down and blesses your prank, cucking two traitors out of their easy green.

Doing Honk Gods work you beautiful bastard! Honk on!

[DemonFiren]

>honk gods
>who is the honkmother

[calzilla1]

>CM
>playing corprate liason
>spawn in and my menorah starts attacking me
>OY VEY
>almost die
>FUCKING GOYIM SAVE ME
>corprate says the menorah was a disguised space bear
>THE NAZIS ARE TRYIN' TO HOLOCAUST ME AGAIN
>muhreens start spouting nazi memes
>YOU GOYIM ARE OFFENDING ME, IM TELLING WT AND YOU ARE ALL GETTING COURT MARSHELED AND YOUR
FAMILYS ARE TOO
>the marines start harrasing me
>IM CALLING IN THE BIG GUYS, YOU ALL GONNA FEEL THE WRATH OF SPACE ISRAEL
>the police are breaking in so I hide in the back room
>OY VEY THE SS ARE HERE TO GAS ME JUST LIKE MY BRUDDAS AND SISTAHS
>they are right out side my door
>IF ANY OF YOU FUCKING GOYIM COME IN ILL FUCKING SHOOT
>BOOM
>OY VEY
>BANG BANG BANG
>get shoa'ed by like 1488 marines and police

[Armhulen]

that's hilarious but it only proves that high rp is a common myth

[DemonFiren]

Proves that CM is a meme tbh
as if we didn't know

[firecage]

Well, not really a story, but something which made me chuckle, since people never learn.

So, earlier today I got traitor, cool. I then decided to trade my TC's for, mainly a staff of healing to be the best doctor ever!!!
But naturally, like normally, Weepo begins to push his cheeks together. And then, IC'ly, he tells me:

Appealing-To-Fetishists (as Jack Bright) hisses, "Why you gotta be firecage and get sssnowflake ssstaffsss and other nonsssenssse many roundsss"

As I said, not really a story, but definitely made me a chuckle. Oh, how people never learn.

[DemonFiren]

Well, it's not like he's wrong.

[Armhulen]

Well, it's not like he's wrong.

yeah, appealing to fetishists. can't say it better

[PKPenguin321]

A healing staff is probably the stupidest shit you can buy as a traitor. Instead of creating conflict (leads to chaos, fun), you get a tool that instant and effortlessly diffuses conflict and makes it inconsequential (leads to pseudo-extended). You're a chode for buying that (like, friendly-wizard level), and the same goes to the admin that allowed it. Very upset.

[confused rock]

its fuckin dumb to say that shit ic but jesus christ I couldn't have said it better

[firecage]

Honk. Man, people reaaaaally gets a stick stuck up their assses. Perhaps they should go find a pure PVP SS13 server.

[D&B]

>Stupid OP item that denies death on hands of medbay
>People get their plans and assassinations foiled because there's a magic one click button
>Sec and antag now have to permanently remove people from the round since with this item in station their revival is a given
>Thus enraging more people
>"Lmao guys just go to a PvP server XD"

You're an imbecile if you think completely denying a game feature will bring nothing but worse treatment in order to counter free quick revivals

[DemonFiren]

Firecage has been shit for as long as I remember, nothing new here.

[firecage]

I might take DemonFiren seriously, since he is my waifu. D&B, I don't take you seriously though, at all. You are pretty much like Paprika was before they become decent, or like Startoad was. Heck, or even like Punnches was in OOC.

[PKPenguin321]

I might take DemonFiren seriously, since he is my waifu. D&B, I don't take you seriously though, at all. You are pretty much like Paprika was before they become decent, or like Startoad was. Heck, or even like Punnches was in OOC.

Your permaban has been scheduled for February 29th, have a secure day

[Qbopper]

I might take DemonFiren seriously, since he is my waifu. D&B, I don't take you seriously though, at all. You are pretty much like Paprika was before they become decent, or like Startoad was. Heck, or even like Punnches was in OOC.

Your permaban has been scheduled for February 29th, have a secure day

they have a spider for an avatar they deserve a bant

[confused rock]

I might take DemonFiren seriously, since he is my waifu. D&B, I don't take you seriously though, at all. You are pretty much like Paprika was before they become decent, or like Startoad was. Heck, or even like Punnches was in OOC.

Your permaban has been scheduled for February 29th, have a secure day

they have a spider for an avatar they deserve a bant

[firecage]

I might take DemonFiren seriously, since he is my waifu. D&B, I don't take you seriously though, at all. You are pretty much like Paprika was before they become decent, or like Startoad was. Heck, or even like Punnches was in OOC.

Your permaban has been scheduled for February 29th, have a secure day

Honk.

[Whoisthere]

I might take DemonFiren seriously, since he is my waifu. D&B, I don't take you seriously though, at all. You are pretty much like Paprika was before they become decent, or like Startoad was. Heck, or even like Punnches was in OOC.

No screw you the deepthroat dino is my waifu

[DemonFiren]

fuck off, both of you

[Whoisthere]

Way to ruin a thread!

[calzilla1]

Kill all lizards