Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

[PKPenguin321]

Bottom post of the previous page:

got a few from way back that i remembered

>be morph on boxstation
>crew's onto me
>slippin and slidin around being a menace
>captain in particular REALLY hates me
>manage to disguise at him much to his anguish
>go to hallway above bridge disguised as captain
>some idiot placed a bluespace shelter there blocking the hall, sec is there unable to get to their department
>start screaming "THAT'S IT!!"
>"I'VE HAD IT WITH THESE FUCKING SHELTERS!!"
>"SEC I NEED YOU TO EXECUTE ALL THESE PEOPLE IN THERE RIGHT NOW THAT IS AN ORDER OR I WILL DEMOTE YOU!!"
>sec actually starts beating them to death, the absolute madmen
>they fight back and a full on brawl breaks out
>real captain rolls up and sees the chaos
>then he sees me disguised as him and flips
>i get outta there via a vent while everybody's distracted fighting
>captain and sec end up killed by the mob, a lot of the mob is dead
>feed on the free corpses

another story

>traitor on box
>wanted ling but oh well
>get chameleon kit, adrenal implant, esword
>nab an ID off a suicided corpse in disposals
>put it on and chameleon into some retarded outfit
>go out into a hallway, esword a dude to death in plain view, duck into maint
>somebody calls me out over radio and chases after me
>quickly chameleon into an engineering hardsuit, swap IDs
>he comes in and i talk
>"I saw the traitor head east that way"
>"oh awesome can you help me take him down he's got an esword"
>"Of course my man let's go"
>head into a deep part of maint with him
>cut off his legs and head while in disguise
>"surprise it's me"
>take his ID and chameleon into his clothes, now i'm him
>do this a few more times, killing people and becoming them, never getting caught
>basically a budget changeling
>shuttle docks and i realize i have a die a glorious death objective
>slip HoS as he runs to shuttle and he drops an esword ???
>take it and make a dual esword and fuck him up
>start rampaging in the escape hallway with a huge bodycount
>scientist walks out of science with a bag of holding
>fuck him up and take it, try to print another but protolathe has no gold
>shuttle leaves and AI is desperately trying to wall me in
>suddenly miner walks in with a dual esword and another bag of holding
>we duel and i win
>pop a BoH bomb much to the AI's dismay
>greentext

[D&B]

>Sec officer
>Go undercover, wear chicken suit, ditch some of the standard gear to blend in more
>End up catching a scientist with sleeping carp
>Get thermals, reviver implant, CNS reboot, no-drop, etc etc
>Later in sci, wandering around the hallways
>RD starts murdering a miner because he's wearing a blood red hardsuit
>Taze the RD, shove him away, and try to give the miner medical attention
>RD comes back, starts shooting at me again, and I go down
>Beats me into crit, back up is taking forever to get here
>Reviver kicks in, and I harmbaton the fucker
>Grab his PDA, its unlocked and has 19 TC
>Shuttle docks, bring the miner to cloning in the hopes that'd be fast enough and take his hardsuit due to the inevitable breaches on the shuttle
>Buy desword and noslips, of course :^)
>Hop on the asteroid shuttle
>Check in on a little group in a cramped corner of the shuttle
>Just a borg shooting some lolipops, some tiders and a clown goofing off
>Shitter geneticist spams EMP implant in the middle of the group and triggers my reviver implant
>Go into crit for a few minutes
>Assume they are valid since they just EMPed an asimov borg for no raisin
>E-bow and desword before they can use that EMP implant again and kill me
>I shit on tators and got sweet loot, today was a good shift
>Bwoink
>"WHAT"
>Turns out that the geneticist wasn't an antag and that it was my fault for getting hit by the EMP. Got a spooky scary note.
>Still got that loot tho :^)

Another great day for Rex Salazar.

What happened to act like an antag get treated like one. Or use antag items gives the crew believable grounds to assume you're a traitor.

[onleavedontatme]

>Sec officer
>Go undercover, wear chicken suit, ditch some of the standard gear to blend in more
>End up catching a scientist with sleeping carp
>Get thermals, reviver implant, CNS reboot, no-drop, etc etc
>Later in sci, wandering around the hallways
>RD starts murdering a miner because he's wearing a blood red hardsuit
>Taze the RD, shove him away, and try to give the miner medical attention
>RD comes back, starts shooting at me again, and I go down
>Beats me into crit, back up is taking forever to get here
>Reviver kicks in, and I harmbaton the fucker
>Grab his PDA, its unlocked and has 19 TC
>Shuttle docks, bring the miner to cloning in the hopes that'd be fast enough and take his hardsuit due to the inevitable breaches on the shuttle
>Buy desword and noslips, of course :^)
>Hop on the asteroid shuttle
>Check in on a little group in a cramped corner of the shuttle
>Just a borg shooting some lolipops, some tiders and a clown goofing off
>Shitter geneticist spams EMP implant in the middle of the group and triggers my reviver implant
>Go into crit for a few minutes
>Assume they are valid since they just EMPed an asimov borg for no raisin
>E-bow and desword before they can use that EMP implant again and kill me
>I shit on tators and got sweet loot, today was a good shift
>Bwoink
>"WHAT"
>Turns out that the geneticist wasn't an antag and that it was my fault for getting hit by the EMP. Got a spooky scary note.
>Still got that loot tho :^)

Another great day for Rex Salazar.

What happened to act like an antag get treated like one. Or use antag items gives the crew believable grounds to assume you're a traitor.

Trialmins are often a bit eager with the notes, gotta pretend they're hard workers for a while.

[D&B]

I can't believe this degree of victim shaming.

Literally shaking right now

[IcePacks]

>Another round
>Go undercover
>Not as smooth
>Dress up as a big chicken, my usual disguise
>Thought I heard emagging in the cap's office
>Hack in
>The Captain disablers me for a solid three minutes until he got "I'M A SEC OFFICER YOU JACKASS" through his head
>Go into brig to escort some arrest
>A sec officer tazes and cuffs me
>Not this again
>Eventually get let go
>Decide to change disguise due to everyone yelling about the big chicken over comms
>Switch to green poncho, green sombrero, and tacticool to look as much like a tider as possible.
>Cargo has its own R&D division, decide to sneak in and make sure they aren't making anything too deadly
>A tech drags me into the bay and I walk in on a janitor, an assistant, and QM Bryce Pax crafting a master plan to raid the brig
>I climb into a locker with the assistant, get wrapped, and disposaled to the HoS' office
>Climb out and taze the assistant
>"DEEP UNDERCOVER"
>The assistant is stammering about an undercover cop over cargo comms and asking for Pax to help while Pax is just screaming "SHIT" "FUCK" "I CAN'T HELP YOU"
>Pax's shittery is contained in a cell and I go about my shift
>Terrifyingly quiet for about fourty minutes
>Eventually we all leave due to a kudzu infestation

Another great day for Rex Salazar.

i was out in mere minutes, and eventually wound up dying in an insane plot to try and replace centcomm inspectors with various conscripted assistants

[Screemonster]

Not TG, but a few months ago (mostly for laughs) I added hostile geese to polaris.

Fast forward, and I get this message:

[MimicFaux]

Late join as clown
Find all access
High five the mime and give them all access too. Get mutagen to grow the biggest, baddest bananas this side of tau ceti.
Shuttle called, dang.
new idea! get space lube, and hand tele. Classic.

I start with rigging up some basic girders near the top of escape wing. Generally, people don't change 'lanes' when running down the halls, so I set their path early, and leave open halls the rest of the way. I open the portal, and a few tiles further up, I spritz the floor with lube. Every single person coming down that hallway stayed on the path I chose and slipped on the lube, careening into the portal. Warping them somewhere nearby randomly everytime I re-opened the portal.

Now, I'm having a pretty good time with this. So much so, I'm not even bothering with boarding the shuttle myself. Staying behind to maintain the lube / portal. What happened next took it from merely, 'Pretty funny' to 'oh jesus my sides'
What I didn't realize, is that when you slip on lube, the portal maintains your momentum. With some thirty seconds left until the shuttle departs, the last portal I open had it's randomized drop off directly above the lube tile. Here comes scientist Rusty. He slips. He goes into the portal. Reappears above the lube tile, sent over the lube tile, back into the portal. RINSE AND REPEAT. I'm staring at my screen slack jawed in amazement at the closed loop I made. Now comes along a chemist, Zoe. She enters the same loop. All I can do is shout "C-c-c-combo!" over and over as these two poor souls get on Mr. Bones Wild Ride. Absolutely magical.

I was later stabbed to death by Rusty once the portal expired.

The traitors were:
Zoe the chemist
1#: Kill someone, success
2#: Escape, failed
The traitor has failed!
Rusty the scientist
1#: Kill someone, success
2#: Escape, failed
The traitor has failed!

TFW RNGesus himself comes down and blesses your prank, cucking two traitors out of their easy green.

[DemonFiren]

Literally the toppest of honks.

[delaron]

Late join as clown
Find all access
High five the mime and give them all access too. Get mutagen to grow the biggest, baddest bananas this side of tau ceti.
Shuttle called, dang.
new idea! get space lube, and hand tele. Classic.

I start with rigging up some basic girders near the top of escape wing. Generally, people don't change 'lanes' when running down the halls, so I set their path early, and leave open halls the rest of the way. I open the portal, and a few tiles further up, I spritz the floor with lube. Every single person coming down that hallway stayed on the path I chose and slipped on the lube, careening into the portal. Warping them somewhere nearby randomly everytime I re-opened the portal.

Now, I'm having a pretty good time with this. So much so, I'm not even bothering with boarding the shuttle myself. Staying behind to maintain the lube / portal. What happened next took it from merely, 'Pretty funny' to 'oh jesus my sides'
What I didn't realize, is that when you slip on lube, the portal maintains your momentum. With some thirty seconds left until the shuttle departs, the last portal I open had it's randomized drop off directly above the lube tile. Here comes scientist Rusty. He slips. He goes into the portal. Reappears above the lube tile, sent over the lube tile, back into the portal. RINSE AND REPEAT. I'm staring at my screen slack jawed in amazement at the closed loop I made. Now comes along a chemist, Zoe. She enters the same loop. All I can do is shout "C-c-c-combo!" over and over as these two poor souls get on Mr. Bones Wild Ride. Absolutely magical.

I was later stabbed to death by Rusty once the portal expired.

The traitors were:
Zoe the chemist
1#: Kill someone, success
2#: Escape, failed
The traitor has failed!
Rusty the scientist
1#: Kill someone, success
2#: Escape, failed
The traitor has failed!

TFW RNGesus himself comes down and blesses your prank, cucking two traitors out of their easy green.

Doing Honk Gods work you beautiful bastard! Honk on!

[DemonFiren]

>honk gods
>who is the honkmother

[calzilla1]

>CM
>playing corprate liason
>spawn in and my menorah starts attacking me
>OY VEY
>almost die
>FUCKING GOYIM SAVE ME
>corprate says the menorah was a disguised space bear
>THE NAZIS ARE TRYIN' TO HOLOCAUST ME AGAIN
>muhreens start spouting nazi memes
>YOU GOYIM ARE OFFENDING ME, IM TELLING WT AND YOU ARE ALL GETTING COURT MARSHELED AND YOUR
FAMILYS ARE TOO
>the marines start harrasing me
>IM CALLING IN THE BIG GUYS, YOU ALL GONNA FEEL THE WRATH OF SPACE ISRAEL
>the police are breaking in so I hide in the back room
>OY VEY THE SS ARE HERE TO GAS ME JUST LIKE MY BRUDDAS AND SISTAHS
>they are right out side my door
>IF ANY OF YOU FUCKING GOYIM COME IN ILL FUCKING SHOOT
>BOOM
>OY VEY
>BANG BANG BANG
>get shoa'ed by like 1488 marines and police

[Armhulen]

that's hilarious but it only proves that high rp is a common myth

[DemonFiren]

Proves that CM is a meme tbh
as if we didn't know

[firecage]

Well, not really a story, but something which made me chuckle, since people never learn.

So, earlier today I got traitor, cool. I then decided to trade my TC's for, mainly a staff of healing to be the best doctor ever!!!
But naturally, like normally, Weepo begins to push his cheeks together. And then, IC'ly, he tells me:

Appealing-To-Fetishists (as Jack Bright) hisses, "Why you gotta be firecage and get sssnowflake ssstaffsss and other nonsssenssse many roundsss"

As I said, not really a story, but definitely made me a chuckle. Oh, how people never learn.

[DemonFiren]

Well, it's not like he's wrong.

[Armhulen]

Well, it's not like he's wrong.

yeah, appealing to fetishists. can't say it better

[PKPenguin321]

A healing staff is probably the stupidest shit you can buy as a traitor. Instead of creating conflict (leads to chaos, fun), you get a tool that instant and effortlessly diffuses conflict and makes it inconsequential (leads to pseudo-extended). You're a chode for buying that (like, friendly-wizard level), and the same goes to the admin that allowed it. Very upset.

[confused rock]

its fuckin dumb to say that shit ic but jesus christ I couldn't have said it better

[firecage]

Honk. Man, people reaaaaally gets a stick stuck up their assses. Perhaps they should go find a pure PVP SS13 server.

[D&B]

>Stupid OP item that denies death on hands of medbay
>People get their plans and assassinations foiled because there's a magic one click button
>Sec and antag now have to permanently remove people from the round since with this item in station their revival is a given
>Thus enraging more people
>"Lmao guys just go to a PvP server XD"

You're an imbecile if you think completely denying a game feature will bring nothing but worse treatment in order to counter free quick revivals

[DemonFiren]

Firecage has been shit for as long as I remember, nothing new here.

[firecage]

I might take DemonFiren seriously, since he is my waifu. D&B, I don't take you seriously though, at all. You are pretty much like Paprika was before they become decent, or like Startoad was. Heck, or even like Punnches was in OOC.

[PKPenguin321]

I might take DemonFiren seriously, since he is my waifu. D&B, I don't take you seriously though, at all. You are pretty much like Paprika was before they become decent, or like Startoad was. Heck, or even like Punnches was in OOC.

Your permaban has been scheduled for February 29th, have a secure day

[Qbopper]

I might take DemonFiren seriously, since he is my waifu. D&B, I don't take you seriously though, at all. You are pretty much like Paprika was before they become decent, or like Startoad was. Heck, or even like Punnches was in OOC.

Your permaban has been scheduled for February 29th, have a secure day

they have a spider for an avatar they deserve a bant

[confused rock]

I might take DemonFiren seriously, since he is my waifu. D&B, I don't take you seriously though, at all. You are pretty much like Paprika was before they become decent, or like Startoad was. Heck, or even like Punnches was in OOC.

Your permaban has been scheduled for February 29th, have a secure day

they have a spider for an avatar they deserve a bant

[firecage]

I might take DemonFiren seriously, since he is my waifu. D&B, I don't take you seriously though, at all. You are pretty much like Paprika was before they become decent, or like Startoad was. Heck, or even like Punnches was in OOC.

Your permaban has been scheduled for February 29th, have a secure day

Honk.

[Whoisthere]

I might take DemonFiren seriously, since he is my waifu. D&B, I don't take you seriously though, at all. You are pretty much like Paprika was before they become decent, or like Startoad was. Heck, or even like Punnches was in OOC.

No screw you the deepthroat dino is my waifu

[DemonFiren]

fuck off, both of you

[Whoisthere]

Way to ruin a thread!

[calzilla1]

Kill all lizards

[MimicFaux]

So this one time, as a clown, I slipped the captain and THEN pied him in the face. Haha, so great.
Back on topic.

[delaron]

So this one time, as a clown, I slipped the captain and THEN pied him in the face. Haha, so great.
Back on topic.

Such original! Must teach ways.

[Qbopper]

So this one time, as a clown, I slipped the captain and THEN pied him in the face. Haha, so great.
Back on topic.

A clown tried to slip me when I was an officer once so I grabbed his PDA and beat him to fucking death because he's a clown

Spoiler:

actually i just slipped him back

[Weepo]

Nobody likes you, faggot.

[Qbopper]

Nobody likes you, faggot.

don't cut yourself there

[confused rock]

Nobody likes you, faggot.

don't cut yourself there

[Armhulen]

Nobody likes you, faggot.

don't cut yourself there

[IcePacks]

Nobody likes you, faggot.

this is actually reasonably true but people like an angry guy in the awesome thread even less

[firecage]

Packs, don't mind Weepo. He does afterall bear a massive grudge against me for the past few months or the past year. And I don't even know why.

[confused rock]

Nobody likes you, faggot.

this is actually reasonably true but people like an angry guy in the awesome thread even less

[Qbopper]

maybe not that cool but it was a lot of fun for me, the very first round I played I was in a similar situation (pirate breaking into vault with a crew of greys, etc.)

made me feel warm and fuzzy

[Weepo]

I was there that round! I had a pretty mediocre traitor round and arrived at escape ready to get my greentext so I can finally cum, than as the shuttle arrives, like the very microinstant the shuttle counter hits 0 the Captain or someone buys the asteroid shuttle! Escape is instantly destroyed and my body obliterated... A captain announcement pings: PRANKED!

That was fucking quality pranks.

[confused rock]

>first round back as cis white male warden
>wizard
>load up with a riot shotgun filled with buckshot and a rapid syringe gun with the 5 lethal injection syringes
>wizard has a staff of animation and an artificer
>he comes to brig
>shoot harvester with shotgun
>it lives
>shoot wizard with 2 syringes
>1 hits
>shoot harvester again
>it ded
>wizard passes out
>win

how has nobody tried that before

[Limey]

had a round ages ago where I got mid-round antag, my objective was to kill the chemist and die a glorious death. cue evacuation, and ended up in an escape pod with two other dudes (one of us had to rest in order to fit us in).

then comes two mechs demanding space on the pod, as if it wasn't crammed enough before. during all this shuffling, I bought two mini-bombs since, fuck, might as well complete at least ONE of my objectives, right?

so during transit, I announced my desire to die, primed both bombs, and as luck would have it, one of the other guys in there had a bunch of black powder on him.

there was nothing left of the pod by the time it arrived at centcomm. and my target died aswell sometime during evacuation, so I greentexted.

[Weepo]

So I'm chilling in robotics during a rare round where every scientific department is manned and accounted for, its rare that I get moments like this as a research director.

Anyway the clown runs in and demands an igniter be implanted inside him and of course I accept outright but I tell him he needs to get it an activation method. While the clown is off making a timer and igniter assembly the mime breaks in, now I'm generally not a validhunter but this mime was a big red flag, plus he was shittalking me through the PDA when I told him to leave, plus his name was Fury which means he's a total shithead so I'm like 'fuck it' and prepare to stand my ground, I got him cablecuffed and attempt to throw him down the disposals but he leaps out before it can cycle and so I just do the boring thing and stab him in the eyes to death.

The clown returns, now half way through the surgery he has an idea, why not put the Mime's brain in an MMI and insert it into his chest?

"What like Krang?"

I fucking lol and of course being a mad scientist accept and so with the speed of a practiced surgeon, hampered only by the fact the incise action is bugged at the moment I insert the MMI of fury into the clown's chest, he shittalks me and figures out he can talk on the radio while the clown mime abomination Krang dresses up in a combo of both their clothes.

Flash forward to the shuttle the Krang-clown arrives and so do I. I dodge the usual shuttle shenanigans and try my best to sit and blind people with a laser pointer from my seat, but once the shuttle ride begins the krang clown pulls out a double eblade and gets to hackin' and whackin' and smackin' while the disembodied voice of fury cackles and laughs... Turns out he was a traitor and furthermore all his gear was in his parcel parceux, I didn't search it throughly. The mime's brain-voice had flipped the poor innocent clown into a killin' villain and the pair were slicing up everyone.

"I created you!" I wailed as I attempted to baton him, this time futilely "Kill him~!" wailed the voice of Fury as the clown chopped my hams to ribbons.

TL:DR,

[Qbopper]

hold on, you killed the mime because he was being a shit? I'm not sure I'm following how you went from "dunk the mime down disposals" to "eye stabbing"

[imblyings]

let it be

just like how nature documentary crews do not help the animal being viciously dragged underwater by a crocodile, so you also must not interfere with shenanigans posted itt

[Limey]

What if you're the Steve Irwin of Space Station 13? Wrestle those griffs.

[imblyings]

right i'll remind myself to first buildmode toss around the next griefer I see in game instead of bwoinking him and narrate with centcom reports about a wild griff spotted in the wild, will do

I just tossed around someone for spamming but it wasn't thematically appropriate to do the voice over so next time

[Qbopper]

let it be

just like how nature documentary crews do not help the animal being viciously dragged underwater by a crocodile, so you also must not interfere with shenanigans posted itt

I wasn't asking from a "am admin iban he" perspective, i was just fucking confused and didn't know if I missed something or not

[Weepo]

The dude had a bunch of bloody knives and shit in his pockets and was guilty of being a mime, being fury, talking and most unforgivably not taking a fucking out when I give it. Brotip if you're caught out after breaking in some place, cuffed and than your captor decides to throw you down the bin rather than give you to the cops and you're a traitor... just take the out? Its not like he couldn't pop the cuffs and smash his way out of disposals. Even if fury is pondscum poured into the skin of a human being I didn't wanna end his traitor round but at a certain point its ironically my hands that are tied.