Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

DrPillzRedux · Sat Aug 15, 2015 10:43 pm

Bottom post of the previous page:

DemonFiren wrote:>erping in patient rooms

Absolutely disgusting. Go build an autism fort instead!

I serenaded a lizard girl in there as she was wrap in a straight jacket, playing Dork Souls music on the guitar. I then strangled her at the order of my gang boss since she knew about us, crying and begging not to be killed.

Sun Aug 16, 2015 12:17 am

Cik wrote:-nuke ops story snip-

i remember that round, i was an atmos tech who the HoP reassigned to "Pokemon Trainer Red." I was thiiiiiiiis close to stealing the nuke from you guys (with the help of the syndicate pistol I stole caught, which I named Gunachu). I unfortunately lacked EVA gear of any kind (except for my Maskido and Deoxygen Tank) and couldn't get the nuke back into the station thanks to spacewind. A moment after I went into crit, the nuke was armed.

Firebat4321 · Post by **Firebat4321** » Sun Aug 16, 2015 5:14 am #112626

PKPenguin321 wrote:with the help of the syndicate pistol I stole caught, which I named Gunachu

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Sun Aug 16, 2015 11:29 am #112669

DrPillzRedux wrote:
DemonFiren wrote:>erping in patient rooms

Absolutely disgusting. Go build an autism fort instead!
I serenaded a lizard girl in there as she was wrap in a straight jacket, playing Dork Souls music on the guitar. I then strangled her at the order of my gang boss since she knew about us, crying and begging not to be killed.

tbh that's my fetish

(shamefur dispray, convert her next time)

rdght91 · Post by **rdght91** » Tue Aug 18, 2015 8:43 pm #113101

After making a 10/20/30ish bomb, I decided to sell my wares to sketchy people passing in maint. Well, one of them stunproded me, cuffed me, and dragged off to thrall me as a shadowling. I'm like, oh cool, I can actually set these off and wreck shit. Well, poor shadowling converts, but dosent break the light, and proceeds to run around the tiny maint closet until he dies from burns. I shrug, resist out, and give the poor unrobust shadowling a viking funeral by locking his body in a locker with a massive bomb, spacing it, and detonating in.

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Tue Aug 18, 2015 8:56 pm #113106

I thought you could defib shadowlings.

rdght91 · Post by **rdght91** » Tue Aug 18, 2015 9:05 pm #113109

DemonFiren wrote:I thought you could defib shadowlings.

Yeah but that wouldn't be boring.

Xhuis · Post by **Xhuis** » Tue Aug 18, 2015 9:30 pm #113116

rdght91 wrote:
DemonFiren wrote:I thought you could defib shadowlings.
Yeah but that wouldn't be boring.

Seeing as you had a shadowling master and opted to permanently remove them out of the round instead of taking the alternative of being able to resurrect them, you're lucky you didn't get a ban :L

rdght91 · Post by **rdght91** » Wed Aug 19, 2015 4:41 pm #113279

Xhuis wrote:
rdght91 wrote:
DemonFiren wrote:I thought you could defib shadowlings.
Yeah but that wouldn't be boring.
Seeing as you had a shadowling master and opted to permanently remove them out of the round instead of taking the alternative of being able to resurrect them, you're lucky you didn't get a ban :L

I didn't have a master. He died before doing anything. I was just watching him burn to death, cuffed.

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Wed Aug 19, 2015 4:45 pm #113280

He thralled you. He's your master.
No?

Konork · Post by **Konork** » Wed Aug 19, 2015 6:22 pm #113301

DemonFiren wrote:He thralled you. He's your master.
No?

I think the implication here is that the shadowling tried to enthrall him, but fucked up and didn't actually do so before he died.

rdght91 · Post by **rdght91** » Wed Aug 19, 2015 6:39 pm #113306

DemonFiren wrote:He thralled you. He's your master.
No?

No.

TheNightingale · Wed Aug 19, 2015 7:54 pm

rdght91 wrote:Well, poor shadowling converts, but dosent break the light

I was under the assumption that this line here referred to the shadowling converting the bomber into a thrall, really. Unless they have another type of conversion.

Not-Dorsidarf · Thu Aug 20, 2015 9:09 pm

He started the ten bajillion year entrall process, then burned to death because he was an idiot

Skyglazer · Post by **Skyglazer** » Fri Aug 21, 2015 2:29 pm #113872

>be HoP
>traitor
>steal a jetpack
>okay
>roundstart zoey webb steals Ian while I'm securing cap shit because no cap
>hell no bitch I'm a traitor you're not getting away with that
>into the gibber with her, feed her remains to Ian
>give myself all access and go to get a jetpack but stop myself
>well that's no fun let's spice it up
>pray to feed my unlocked uplink to Ian
>Ian stops moving...
>"Well, I don't know what I expec-"
>he suddenly rises from the dead, a blood red color
>keeps barking memes at me but I keep it mostly IC and he explains that he's part demon
>can go in and out of blood like a slaughter demon but can't eat people
>neat
>we go get a monkey from genetics and drag it around a bit
>well that's cool also he can attack people
>we fuck up the clown for smashing my windows and start dragging HIS corpse around
>some engineer shoots Ian with all 7 of his revolver shots (the first one did the trick though so I don't know)
>IT WAS A DEM- PEW PEW PEW
>death by lasers
>miner lazerus'd ian so everything is okay, get 7 more lazeruses in a box from him in exchange for all access
>great
>chemist fucks up Ian's color so we pray for a while but ausops is deaf and ignores us for a while
>more murder and dragging around of bodies and 'holy shit Jack your dog is a demon' 'yeah I know isn't he cute' ensues
>we go fuck up the janitor because he won't stop cleaning the blood, make him into meat and we eat the fuck out of him and also the revolver guy from earlier we eat him too
>Ian is hungry for human hearts
>okay
>can't eat it
>suggest we make a ritual
>we'll get 6 hearts, the number of the beast obviously and it will allow Ian to reach true demon form
>medical doctor Cuts-The-Throats is happy to oblige us to help us obtain all of the hearts
>I set up the ritual, scatter the blood, we gain 2 husked corpses on either side and a rune in the middle
>Ian barks, "CUTS IS TO BE SPARED IN THE COMING SLAUGHTER"
>Ian woofs, "ALONG WITH YOU"
>Jack Alice says, "O-oh wow, that's great."
>Jack Alice says, "You're such a good dog."
>by now people are pretty suspicious of me, harmyellers yelling harm etc
>upload law that makes Ian human
>there that oughta do it
>god tells me I need a living sacrifice
>grab nearby RD but CMO begs to differ
>Ian saves me, we sacrifice the CMO instead
>Ian is the Gate and Key. Ian is the Internal and the External. We give our Bodies for Ian. We give our Souls for Ian.
>CMO gibs and Ian grows to 4x his original size
>AI is screaming, locks me down but Ian can escape through blood, I hand tele out and meet up with him in medbay, sec is trying to kill him
>Lazerus him once before sec catches on and shoots at me too
>cue about 10 minutes of fighting before Ian is finally taken by the singulo and I escape by the skin of my teeth
>oh shit I need a jetpack and the shuttle's here
>EVA is empty
>fuck my life
>miner was a bro earlier, ask him to hook me up
>he slips me on space lube and cuffs me, brings me to sec who execute me in the shuttle
>all the while I'm spouting cult nonsense like "YOU FOOLS WILL PAY, IAN WILL HAVE ALL OF YOUR SOULS" foolishly thinking that the gods would intervene because this was so funny
>they don't
>I die
>redtext
>people tell me they actually liked the gimmick
>feel loved

All in all it was a pretty fun round, even if I lost. Crew played along with the gimmick really well, too.

EndgamerAzari · Fri Aug 21, 2015 2:42 pm

IAN FHTAGN

ShadowDimentio · Fri Aug 21, 2015 10:17 pm

>Be me, scientist
>Rolls traitor, got to kill some engineer and escape, the usual
>k
>Go to HoP for transfer to mining
>They do it and I get a hardsuit, toolbox, generator, mesons and some plasma
>Go north above the armory
>Set up the generator and a singu beacon
>Go down to engineering to release the singu
>Theyhaventsetitup.jpg
>Break into the accelerator room
>See some AFK engineer out a ways a bit, not the one I have to kill so whatever
>Cut the accelerator on
>Wonder why the fuck they set up the accelerator but not cut the singu on
>Myjodisdonehere.png
>OH GOD IT'S OUT CALL IT
>Decide to go fuck up the AI since I've not got anything else to do
>Break down one wall when a engineer shows up out of fucking nowhere
>BAIL
>Realize that the engineer might be the one I have to kill
>Chase back where I thought he was with my riot toy in hand
>Shoot him, he tries to run, shoot him again, pickaxe, pickaxe
>"PLEASE DON'T"
>Sorry boss gotta do what I gotta do
>SUDDENLY EXPLOSION
>Am totally fine because mining hardsuit
>Dude had an explosive implant and is now riperino, guess he was also traitor
>Go to pod, wait a bit
>SUDDENLY RADIATION EVENT
>Mutate dark invisibility randomly
>k
>A few random crewmembers show up and I kill them uneventfully
>My riot gun is out of ammo now
>More time passes, and I'm wandering around the wreckage of the station
>Go back to the pod to see the pod door open
>My robust senses are tingling, someone was here recently
>My thirst for blood is not sated
>Look around, and SUDDENLY GUT IN BLOOD HARDSUIT
>I charge at him, pickaxe in hand, and attack him
>He panics because he has no idea where I am because invisible
>Has a shtekin, which he drops after betting melee bonked
>REND TEAR, he dead
>Situate myself in the pod because it's just a bit longer until it's time to go
>We leave, then arrive
>Those two chucklefucks were obviously both traitor
>I redtexted them while greentexting

Today was a good day.

EndgamerAzari · Fri Aug 21, 2015 10:30 pm

Winning isn't everything.

HURTING PEOPLE IS.

Fri Aug 21, 2015 11:36 pm

>Look around, and SUDDENLY GUT IN BLOOD HARDSUIT
>I charge at him, pickaxe in hand, and attack him
>He panics because he has no idea where I am because invisible

what you should have done from the safety of being invisible is say the codewords at him and teamed up then murder more people together and hijack both pods

ShadowDimentio · Sat Aug 22, 2015 12:46 am

PKPenguin321 wrote:
>Look around, and SUDDENLY GUT IN BLOOD HARDSUIT
>I charge at him, pickaxe in hand, and attack him
>He panics because he has no idea where I am because invisible
what you should have done from the safety of being invisible is say the codewords at him and teamed up then murder more people together and hijack both pods

Maybe. Sniff. Maybe. But the pod I was at was engineering's, so we probably wouldn't have been able to do much even if we did work together. Plus, teamwork as traitors never works out, ever.

Sat Aug 22, 2015 4:37 am

ShadowDimentio wrote:
PKPenguin321 wrote:
>Look around, and SUDDENLY GUT IN BLOOD HARDSUIT
>I charge at him, pickaxe in hand, and attack him
>He panics because he has no idea where I am because invisible
what you should have done from the safety of being invisible is say the codewords at him and teamed up then murder more people together and hijack both pods
Maybe. Sniff. Maybe. But the pod I was at was engineering's, so we probably wouldn't have been able to do much even if we did work together. Plus, teamwork as traitors never works out, ever.

that is not true at all but okay

Xhuis · Post by **Xhuis** » Sat Aug 22, 2015 1:28 pm #114128

ShadowDimentio wrote:
PKPenguin321 wrote:
>Look around, and SUDDENLY GUT IN BLOOD HARDSUIT
>I charge at him, pickaxe in hand, and attack him
>He panics because he has no idea where I am because invisible
what you should have done from the safety of being invisible is say the codewords at him and teamed up then murder more people together and hijack both pods
Maybe. Sniff. Maybe. But the pod I was at was engineering's, so we probably wouldn't have been able to do much even if we did work together. Plus, teamwork as traitors never works out, ever.

the reason it never works out is because you chucklefucks keep killing other traitors

Zilenan91 · Post by **Zilenan91** » Sat Aug 22, 2015 3:08 pm #114136

newfren wrote:Short one.

>Traitor chemist
>Kill random assistant Cuts-Ths-Shit or whatever
>OK cool
>make a whole bunch of healing chems to cover myself from resident medbay doctor Salts-The-Wounds
>make a whole bunch of deadly fire in various spray bottles and syringe guns
>Decide on a whim to try out some neurotox bar drink + perfluorodecalin bottles for instant ranged stuns for ~a minute plus mute haha game balance
>Cuts walks directly into medbay
>He and Salts immediately fuck off to patient room one
>Me and Hanz (assistant turned into CMO) realise they're fucking in the patient room
>I make thermite, break down a wall
>Hanz fucks off while thermite works it's magic
>instant stun both of them, inject both with fire (it also mutes AND it burns you uncontrollably into crit even if you could have moved)
>dragged into virology
>down the disposals into space

LESSON LEARNED DON'T ERP ON THE JOB

I remember this round, it all started with the CMO parapenning me outside engineering when I was trying to find out the door wires and me not noticing. He then places an ENTIRE syndicate bomb under me in broad daylight and after a few seconds gets his shit absolutely kicked in by Bar-Sie, and I'm still sleeped for 7 million years so I eventually get up and space the now deactivated bomb. I then become the stations lizard head and after a rather boring shift decide to call it, when a random engineer in a hardsuit appears on the bridge, tases cuffs me while I scream for help, he steals my ID and CMO headset, then he brings me to arrivals and locks me in a locker, but not before I can yell over intercoms for help in arrivals. I get let out and uncuffed by a sec officer who came to find out what was going on, and I eventually make it onto the shuttle and escape, bolt shocking the door to the cockpit and welding it just because. I think the engineer got fucked up by carps or something because I never saw him or any engineer hardsuits with their helmets up aboard the shuttle.

Also it wasn't cuts and salts, it was cuts-the-throats and studies-and-surveys, cuts is a grill, and studies is an assistant who's constantly trying to get in her pants.

Deitus · Post by **Deitus** » Sun Aug 23, 2015 4:26 am #114231

THE STORY OF LEWIS THE GOD
>roll for cap
>NOPE OPS
>here we go
>leader says this is his first op
>HERE WE GO
>trade him id's, i take over
>we end up having to wait a while because former leader lags to shit
>one op takes all the boxes we have and becomes a syndibot
>bugs me for voice changer
>noh
>eventually we get the replacement
>initiate master plan
>5 MACROS
>we each inject one, use the remaining tc on emags and the voice changer for the syndi cardboard bot
>arrive on station
>i fuck right off and bomb medical, should have fought more but oh well im unrobust anyway
>crew in panic mode
>heads congregate in armory
>fellow ops eventually make their way to it
>one op tries to go through sec maint, fucks it up
>syndi cardborg comes through, other op mistakes for enemy and nearly kills
>cardborg manages to crit ~3 anyway before she bites it
>gets dragged into sec as she begins to beep
>"whats that beeping?"
>rip security and a good chunk of crew
>HOP is dead, hos and cap struggle against space wind to dorms
>teamshooting op shows up
>boom
>captain is cucked, hos dies fighting space wind
>shuttle was called a while ago, about 5 minutes till arrival
>deadchat basically says gg
>enter Luis, aspiring god
>waltzes around a bit
>eventually manages to find captain's body and after a bit of fumbling finds the disk
>IS HE GONNA DO IT?!
>goes to northwest of station
>NONONO LUIS WE PARKED SOUTHWEST
>dicks around in maint, finds an air canister
>fills something with it
>NIGGA YOU CANT BREATHE THAT CONCENTRATED AIR
>oh wait it was just his jetpack
>takes him a minute of floating to realize its not on navigate
>figures it out and zooms off to shuttle
>massive ghost dogpile on luis now
>spess is filled with carp by now, many give chase but cant keep up with his sanic speed
>shuttle is surrounded by dead carp, turrets surrounded by casings
>gets the nuke
>brings it back to the station
>HE'S GONNA DO IT
>...
>WHY ISNT HE DOING IT
>dead chat realizes he doesnt know how to activate the bomb
>2 minutes till shuttle departure
>dead chat is exploding
>he eventually figures it out
>fucks off back to the shuttle, chased by more carp
>one actually manages to get into the shuttle by some miracle and attacks him
>he fights back with help intent stunbaton
>dead chat is screaming
>finally whips out a shotgun
>rip carp
>slowly limps to console
>back to op base
>promptly eats a victory donk pocket
>dead chat is hailing luis as their new god
>admins spawn a trophy engraved with "you made it!"
>luis has ascended to godhood

the bomb went off after the shuttle left but it was still syndi major victory, pretty fucking incredible for a round i meant to be mainly just "lel macros." enjoy those donk pockets you magnificent son of a bitch, you deserve them ;_;7

Firebat4321 · Post by **Firebat4321** » Sun Aug 23, 2015 5:50 am #114237

Deitus wrote:-snip-

You know, without that space wind, we wouldn't have seen that amazing play.
Thanks spacewind.

Deitus · Post by **Deitus** » Sun Aug 23, 2015 6:20 am #114246

Firebat4321 wrote:
Deitus wrote:-snip-
You know, without that space wind, we wouldn't have seen that amazing play.
Thanks spacewind.

spacewind is one of those things thats as hilarious to watch others struggle with as it is infuriating to struggle with yourself, nothing quite as rage-inducing as trying to run while you keep getting pulled back, health slowly dropping along with any hope of escape. im glad they nerfed it so you can drag bodies out of it easier but it really does need a nerf in some way.

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Sun Aug 23, 2015 7:58 am #114262

Again, proof of the fact that amazing victories are the result of really shitty planning and execution.

But dammit, if that wasn't fucking awesome.

Sun Aug 23, 2015 8:20 am

i was the captain that round, the whole round was really cinematic
i walked into the dorms after the secbombing looking for the medkit, since i was bleeding out. nope, no medkit. the HoS stumbles in as well. we're about to head out to the medbay when a greyshirt walks in, salutes, and BOOM, i'm in crit. HoS gets back up and drags me to one of the few areas that still has an atmosphere. he epipens me, but i know i'm a goner no matter what since there's no way to medbay without going through space
in my last words i croak out all i can muster: "take it..."
he takes the disk and bravely jumps into the breach, fighting against the suction of space, but eventually goes down...

RIP Joel the HoS, the man who tried to carry on my legacy
L E W I S - I S - A - G O D
#TASTYDONKPOCKETS

Gun Hog · Post by **Gun Hog** » Mon Aug 24, 2015 12:43 am #114445

- Observe a round just for a little fun...oh goodie, it is Nuke Ops!

This could be goo---YOU ARE SYNDIEBORG!!!
- Happy with my new role, I join in the planning and such. We decide to go the kill-comms, kill AI, storm Sec via tele plan.
- The one stealth Op on our team takes out Comms, then I proceed to handle the AI

. It manages to get a warning out but I put IT out.
- I shock some doors on the sat and hack Pingsky, just as a nasty surprise to anyone trying to save the AI.
- I go to the Sat teleporter and await orders. Meanwhile, the AI's borg gets worried and warns of motion alarms on the sat (me).
- The Ops say that the Captain is in medbay, and order me join them. I put in a target, turn the porter on, and...
- BZZT!! THE CAPTAIN TELEPORTS RIGHT ON TOP OF ME!! He is joined by a service borg!
- OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP I AM BY MYSELF AGAINST THE CAP AND HIS BORG!!
- I whip out my sword and begin slicing and dicing the cap, ignoring the 'harmless' service borg.
- *TWANG*, the dang borg is beating me with a FREAKING GUITAR! My flash just got disabled (In slot 3)! I am going to die!
- I take the hint and retreat, switching to my LMG instead. The Captain gets his laser out, and gives chase.
- I retreat back to the turret room, hoping to score a stu---Officer Pingsky:

CRIMINAL DETECTED!

- PINGSKY JUST STUNNED THE CAPTAIN!! With him out of the way, I take down the Service borg before his guitar ends me.
- With the situation under control, the Captain dead at my wheels, I yell and scream at the other Ops to come get the disk at the AI Sat.
- A fellow Op arrives, loots the Captain, grabs the nuke from the shuttle, and set them up the bomb!
- Only two Ops make it back. We fly off to the outpost, victorious!

The Captain practically handed me the disk, nevertheless, that battle on the Satellite was one I would not soon forget. Without Pingksy to handle the Cap, I might just have lost my round to a GUITAR. Even as I write this, I am still on an adrenaline rush of that fight. It really could have gone either way. Anyway, mad props to that Service Cyborg. He was a LOT more robust than I expected.

DrPillzRedux · Mon Aug 24, 2015 2:19 am

>MALF AI round
>crew does fuckall but scream epic memes and weeaboo quotes over the radio
>Rance and Marryl try to fuck in virology
>get caught and people start screaming about marriage between them
>they try to fuck in a maint room
>get caught
>Rance has someone get a diamond
>he proposes in the maint surgery
>Marryl accepts
>they try to fuck and get kille by a behemoth

Meanwhile

>salts and a catboy are fucking in the Chapel confession booth
>Elena and the clown are fucking in the dorm
>Guy and a lizard are fucking somewhere else
>admins overwhelmed by erp, dead chat going insane
>admins turn salts into 2 floating ebin memes

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Mon Aug 24, 2015 5:34 am #114515

That's one of those rounds where the AI winning would have been acceptable just to purge these fucks.

DrPillzRedux · Mon Aug 24, 2015 1:31 pm

Literally half the survivors that round only lived because they hid and fucked. Most erp in one round I've ever seen since erpday.

Zilenan91 · Post by **Zilenan91** » Mon Aug 24, 2015 3:39 pm #114602

DrPillzRedux wrote:Literally half the survivors that round only lived because they hid and fucked. Most erp in one round I've ever seen since erpday.

I only survived that round because I was fucking around in electrical maint trying to build an autism fort.

Tue Aug 25, 2015 12:58 am

DrPillzRedux wrote:>admins overwhelmed by erp, dead chat going insane

all this is telling me is that our admins need to step their game up
they should be having a fucking field day with the buttons when that much ERP is going on, not getting overwhelmed
that much ERP is like button heaven

Miauw · Post by **Miauw** » Tue Aug 25, 2015 5:12 pm #114827

>observing on Sybil
>cult
>cult isnt really doing anything
>cult scientist makes sentience potion
>"do you want to play as giant spider (420)"
>hell yes
>become nurse spider
>scientist feeds me some monkeys
>lay a few eggs
>crawl into scrubbers
>eat two more monkeys in viro
>eat a monkey from genetics
>hide the eggs in surgery and the morgue so they dont get wreckt
>die while trying to get another monkey from genetics
>ghost
>i havent killed any humans at this point
>DO YOU WANT TO PLAY AS SPIDER (80085)
>yes
>fyi: player spider eggs make more player spiders
>nurse again
>lots of other sentient spiders around
>corpses everywhere in medbay
>eat all of them
>lay tons of eggs
>no need to hide them anymore
>die again
>become hunter
>drag corpses to nurses, help everyone out
>everything is spiders at this point
>shuttle is called
>RECALLED
>ayy lmao
>spiders secure escape
>ERT is sent but dies to the sheer volume of spiders
>durands are murdered
>shuttle arrives
>horrible, horrible lag
>only spiders escape on the shuttle
>all cultists have died in the spiderpocalypse

i almost crashed the server by starting an exponential flood of spiders :^]

whodaloo · Post by **whodaloo** » Tue Aug 25, 2015 5:17 pm #114832

I sure hope it was fun for the spiders because as a human it was fucking shit why do player spiders get fucking morphine bites JESUS CHRIST

Xhuis · Post by **Xhuis** » Tue Aug 25, 2015 5:37 pm #114836

Miauw wrote:snip

Danowar · Post by **Danowar** » Wed Aug 26, 2015 5:09 am #114923

DrPillzRedux wrote: >Guy and a lizard are fucking somewhere else

/erp/ tells me that everyone was distracted by whatever Salts was doing in the chapel, but I have to wonder how many people watched as I lost my V card in a zero-G tango.

I don't think I could ever write up a scenario that could top that round.

newfren · Post by **newfren** » Thu Aug 27, 2015 1:13 pm #115198

Just had an awesome round on Sybil as a roundstart borg.

>Go minerborg for 3 seconds, decide it's terrible and get a module reset into janiborg
>Meme around for a while as Filthy Frank breaks into the armoury and distributes weapons, occasionally spacing the lethal ones I can get my hands on
>Classified announcement, head straight to the bridge and read it out to the crew
>shuttle's docking with cool shit that we need to protect, along with centcomm official Brendan
>Everyone sort of flips out for a while, stealing and returning shit to the shuttle until Classified announcement, the engines are broke and we need to take all the stuff with us on the emergency shuttle when we leave
>alright, we weld all the stuff into a locker and take it to the bridge
>CJ AJ trustworthy HoP tries to get us to believe that he's a syndicate agent
>no he isn't don't be dumb
>captain announces that she's got a present for science - a facehugger!
>For some fucking reason she's put it in test science instead of xeno
>Drag the shield generators over to protect the three R-Windows at the top of the pen, captain dicks around with disposals while Wil Watamote takes approximately 1000 years to figure out how to wire something
>go grab plasteel and metal so they can replace the door with a reinforced wall
>beg them to replace the door with a reinforced wall
>change to engiborg and remove the door and beg them to build a reinforced wall
>captain builds a grille
>eventually get an R-Wall up in time for the monkey we've put in the cage to pop, hooray we have a larva
>APC isn't charging so I go to print a battery off
>they replace it actually pretty immediately
>CJ asks me if I want a bluespace battery
>Science hasn't researched bluespace batteries yet
>yeah thanks hop i think ill pass
>Start re-wiring the APC into the grid through Xeno and get flashed and emagged by CJ anyway
>tells me he needs to kill captain and outlines a plan
>he throws 2 bombs then I run in and kill everyone that's left
>1 bomb blows up the corridor outside test science on top of Brenden, who I beat with my welder to finish off
>2nd bomb blows up in test science injuring literally noone and definitely eventually letting the xenos loose
>I end up rushing in and stunning the captain before beating her to death and spacing her
>head back and run into the CE who I also stun, beat to death, and space
>go looking for the HoP on the bridge "YOU'VE BEEN LOCKED DOWN"
>HoS walks up to me carrying the ion rifle, starts dragging me around the bridge
>"lockdown lifted"
>hahaha CJ you came through for me
>stun and beat the HoS to death and space
>then space the ion rifle
>Try to go the RD's office and get murdered by a hunter
>Instantly respawn as a larva, get to be alien number 3, also go hunter
>Over the course of the next few minutes I knock down and drag back to the nest 2 ert members (one of which tried to arm the nuke, one of which ran past me into the nest and got jumped on) and 3 regular crew members
>literally noone realises that hunters can hide
>shuttle docks, end up dying to the commander of the ERT and his antique laser
>other xenos swarm shuttle and kill him
>DELTA ALERT
>how the fuck I infected the ERT that had the disk
>turns out the ERT commander FOUGHT HIS WAY INTO THE XENO NEST, RESCUED THE MEDICAL OFFICER WITH THE DISK, AND FOUGHT HIS WAY BACK OUT
>THEN THE FUCKING MEDICAL OFFICER WALKED PAST THREE OTHER XENOS, WHILE INFECTED, INTO THE VAULT, AND ARMED THE NUKE
>my fucking heroes
>queen gets on the shuttle with a bunch of other aliens
>shuttle launches
>nuke explodes
>deathsquad at centcomm

Admins made this round so great.

Post by **Atlanta-Ned** » Fri Aug 28, 2015 2:56 pm #115436

I'm B.u.T.T.M.A.D., a MALF AI.
Okie doke.
Start hacking those out-of-the-way APCs
Tell borgs to act all cool and casual like, so one of them spaces the ion rifle without getting caught
Work with another one to space the robotics control board from tech storage
Delete the robotics control board from the R&D servers
Note with glee that the mix tank in atmos has been configured for the turbine
No one (to my knowledge) suspects a thing at this point
Rapidly running out of hidden APCs, decide it's go time
Tell borg in science to open a canister of plasma so they can't get at the borg console
Simultaneously cut comms and start boltshocking everything I can get my hands on
Borgs get blown anyway. I think we spaced the borg upload board instead of the robotics control board. RIP broborgs
Crew goes from zero to turbo-apeshit. HoS is the first one on my sat but he can't get past the first door so he sits and screams into an intercom (which I switch to another channel)
Didn't want to do it, but I start plasma flooding (ok just kidding, I fucking love plasma floods)
Every time someone speaks on the radio I jump to them and flood wherever they are with plasma and then blow the lights
Captain screams that she's gonna grab her hardsuit. So I flood her quarters with plasma
Someone in medbay comments that they're unharmed? Plasma
"We're trying to fix tcomms!" You better believe I flooded tcomms and that hallway with plasma
Notice a Ripley on the sat. I hightail it over to RD's office, repower the consoles and EMP the shit out of it
An alarming number of crew have made it to my sat. I hold out as long as I can before I shunt to aft starboard solar access
Counter has like two minutes left on it at this point
Cross my fingers but nope, they had the pinpointer. They know exactly where I am with 90 seconds to go
Airlocks are all shockbolted of course, so the HoS starts busting through the windows
At 60 seconds he breaks in and starts going to town on my APC but nothing he has is doing a damn thing
30 seconds. The Ripley has recovered from the EMP and reached my hideout.
20 seconds. It drills down the wall
10 seconds. There's a ton of people in this tiny room and maneuvering is nigh-impossible
Ripley finally makes its way to the APC and starts drilling
Crew victory with 6 seconds remaining
Not even mad

DrPillzRedux · Fri Aug 28, 2015 3:37 pm

I was there for that MALF round.

>messing around in virology
>there's a funeral for Rance
>invite salts to virology so we can make a virus named in Rance' name
>bees kill all the monkeys
>MALF declares war
>we try to get to arrival pods
>get locked in a hall with fire
>skiddaddle back to morgue
>salts and I hide inside praying for some hero to end this
>salts kills himself as a sacrifice to save me
>round ends

DrPillzRedux · Sat Aug 29, 2015 3:48 am

>Salts-The-Wound and Luukarr are doing a prank on Becky Garland, the bartender
>Luukarr and Salts sneak into her back room and one of them cries that the other is touching them
>Becky comes back, cuts the cams, cuffs the two
>they both think they're gonna get a spanking
>Becky rips off her clothes
>they're both staring at her nice round ass
>suddenly Becky erupts into a chrysalis
>Luukarr starts screaming and they both resist their shackles
>Becky starts to turn Salts
>Luukarr gets free and grabs a headset
>begs for help for half a minute before the cavalry arrives
>shadowlings got btfo

Xhuis · Post by **Xhuis** » Sat Aug 29, 2015 4:04 am #115561

DrPillzRedux wrote:-badowlings-

that's why you don't show off as a shadowling :^)

Sun Aug 30, 2015 1:49 am

>security announces they will only allow homosexual relationships
>get gender changed because fuck the police
>realize i have tits and start telling everybody about them
>mekhi talks shit about how small they are
>fuck him up out of spite with fists and broken bottles
>after i am released from jail the captain suggests mekhi and i settle our differences over some b-ball
>we head down to the holodeck
>mekhi doesn't know that you can dunk people in the hoops
>literally dunk mekhi

[06:04:19]SAY: Mekhi Anderson/Kevinz000 : WHAT
[06:04:20]SAY: Mekhi Anderson/Kevinz000 : THE
[06:04:21]SAY: Mekhi Anderson/Kevinz000 : FUCK
[06:04:21]SAY: Mekhi Anderson/Kevinz000 : IS
[06:04:22]SAY: Mekhi Anderson/Kevinz000 : THIS
[06:04:26]SAY: Lauser McMauligan/PKPenguin321 : GET DUNKED

DrPillzRedux · Sun Aug 30, 2015 4:42 am

2 catgirls, 1 posibrain

http://pastebin.com/vqBdk85j

Deitus · Post by **Deitus** » Sun Aug 30, 2015 6:47 am #115736

wew lads this one was one wild ride

>roll ai
>get ai
>gang shit goes down
>struggle for a while, get turned to corporate
>eventually most of the station, including sec and heads, are blasto gang, i get laws to convert me too
>they convene in brig
>delta
>dick around for about 400 seconds
>suddenly lag
>this cant be good
>brig is a mess of debris, holes to space, and gibs
>CUBAN PETE
>centcomm is about as shocked as we are, sends shuttle
>gang scrambles madly to clone the gang leaders
>they're not gonna make it
>they're not gonna--
>slap down a dominator right out of cyro with 5 seconds left to departure
>raff to greentext
>centcomm: "im glad its over"

spainy · Post by **spainy** » Mon Aug 31, 2015 2:06 pm #115987

Miauw wrote:snip
>all cultists have died in the spiderpocalypse

That was a fun round. I was one of the cultists and actually survived but didn't do much because of how unrobust I am. My highlights were trapping a spider in the double doors leading to the brig while fleeing a horde of them from arrivals and after that narrowly escaping a spider in the brig by fleeing to the labor camp. It was kinda scary because he managed to bite me before I left so I knew the clock was ticking. I made it to the labor camp and shortly after taking a few steps out of the shuttle I collapsed from the morphine. The lag caused time to stretch so I probably spent 5-10 minutes unconscious before I woke up. I tried calling for help over the radio but nobody answered, it was just me and some robot at the labor camp. Naturally I just sat back and drank coffee as the round came to an end.

InsaneHyena · Tue Sep 01, 2015 10:19 am

It all started with the captain - a young austrian man, a former soldier and a war hero, who wanted to purge his station of the unclean and impure. Met with resistance from the crew, he was forced to change AI's laws in order to force his vision of the perfect future. The rabid mob took the bridge my storm, dragging out the captain out of his quarters and beating him to death. His brain was cut out and, as the final humiliation, placed into a mining mecha. Gathering his last thoughts and willpower, captain spaced himself, taking a rebel stuck in his cabin with him.

That young captain's name? Adolf Hitler.

> Ordinary traitor round.
> Captain on the deck, literally Hitler.
> Promises ethnic purges.
> Purges AI's laws, uploads a "kill everybody" freeform.
> Crew mutinies, lynches the captain.
> Borg tries to clone him, cue to crew screaming "Please don't clone Hitler".
> Roboticist decides that building a Mecha Hitler is a genius idea.
> A guy enters Mecha Hitler's cabin.
> Mecha Hitler spaces himself, while screaming "Deutschland uber alles".

Jazaen · Post by **Jazaen** » Tue Sep 01, 2015 2:09 pm #116142

InsaneHyena wrote: > Purges AI's laws, uploads a "kill everybody" freeform.
> Crew mutinies, lynches the captain.

Wait, that's not a law you can survive uploading. If that were just purge, sure, AI probably will let you leave the upload out of gratitude, but a law that states "kill everyone" means it can't let you do that.

Besides that, unless cap himself was tator, well...

InsaneHyena · Post by **InsaneHyena** » Tue Sep 01, 2015 4:50 pm #116152

Wait, that's not a law you can survive uploading. If that were just purge, sure, AI probably will let you leave the upload out of gratitude, but a law that states "kill everyone" means it can't let you do that.

AI simply refused to kill anyone, because it obviously OOCly considered it a shitter grief, which it was. and I really can't blame it. I, meanwhile, was far away from the bridge when my laws were changed.

Besides that, unless cap himself was tator, well...

Yes, it was a grief of epic proportions. But honestly, I don't care, this round was entertaining as fuck. Mecha Hitler is the best thing I've seen in SS13.

Post by **lumipharon** » Tue Sep 01, 2015 10:54 pm #116191

>be traitor scientist
>target is some roboticist
>get a synie key
>ayyy, target is the only other person on syndie comms
>decide to autism R&D for infinite adrenal + freedom implants, because it's totally balanced
>target decides to bomb the shit out of the station
>target suicide bombs a ling

>unsurprisingly, shuttle is here
>only like, 5 people + a borg alive on the shuttle
>bring my emagged crusher with me because why not
>anchor it to right and below the shuttle cargo door
>stand on other side of the door, ready to push anyone that comes in, into the crusher
>law 2 the borg into the crusher
>he does it
>pull the other science guy in
>push him in
>other 2 crew are watching in horror
>pull out large ebow
>throw another guy in
>last guy comes in and hits me with a crowbar
>just bump into him, pushing him into the crusher too

Fucking crushers man, they're god damn hilarious.