Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

[invisty]

Bottom post of the previous page:

>Arrive late on the station during quiet hours, you are the Lizard Mime AND THE TRAITOR
>Objective: Steal the AI. Fuck that!
>Make lots of C4 signal-trap bombs (only 1 TC per kill!)
>Leave C4 bombs around, hide myself in nearby lockers
>Get 5 kills doing this, but they always inevitably get cloned. Kill the CE and get his ID in the process.
>CE gets cloned, complains to HoP about losing his ID.
>HoP finds me on the bridge, gives me all access in exchange for "returning the CE's ID"
>Time to amp things up a little
>Buy thermals, make more C4 bombs
>Put them in stupidly obvious locations while hiding 9 tiles away in maintenance with the C4 in the corner of my screen
>So many kills, but they all get cloned. What do I care? It's all fun. Nobody suspects a thing
>Autocloner is working hard, spamming out these victims. Nobody learns, though.
>Borg shows up to drag away one of the C4 traps. Blow it up when he drags it past a crew member. Hectic!
>Run out of TC's, no more fun.
>Spot a changeling munching on scientists in Xenobiology, call in broHoP to detain.
>Changeling is thrown into the Xenobiology containment pen.
>Centcom decide to send an official to view this new specimen
>A large crowd has gathered in xenobiology for the Centcom official.
>Someone calls the shuttle, this_is_my_chance.jpeg
>Quickly build two bags of holding in RnD, back to the crowd in Xenobio
>Bag in Bag, 10+ dead, nearly escaped but collapse from radiation and get consumed.
>Suddenly, I'm being autocloned.
>RnD is vacuum, barely survive to make two more BoH's
>Shuttle full of mechs and survivors.
>Bag in Bag
>The shuttle is completely obliterated save for a few survivors clinging to the bridge
>Syndrones at centcom.

Best round I played in a long time. I only wish I had RP'd more.

[IcePacks]

>you are the captain
>sweet
>see ai upload unbolted, unguarded
>the poor, unsuspecting ai is assisting a bunch of faggots
>begin uploading laws
>wait, this is the start of the round
>i can't powergame like this
>lawyer does something gay
>alright maybe a little
>PLASMA IS NOW HUMAN
>LAWYERS AREN'T
>LIGHTBULBS ARE HUMAN TOO
>BUT PEOPLE WHO STEAL SHIT FROM SEC AREN'T
>OH AND TRY TO MAKE EVERYONE PANIC
>half an hour later i'm still brain farting; stumbling around looking for someone to shoot when the brig is filled with plasma
>ai is losing his goddamn mind over what to do about the dangerous situation with humans in the brig
>while panicking
>buy into the panic but eventually settle into a chill routine
>have the shuttle called when the radio hits a fevered pitch and i can't captain anymore
>singulo eats ai
>some dick recalls it
>call it again
>they relent
>but show up later trying to murder everyone
>kill them in a group effort on the escape shuttle after evading a dozen shitty attempts to slip me
>torch that changeling ass
>head back to the shuttle
>shuttle leaves
>laws unchanged

[Cheimon]

Those were some fun laws to play with as AI. Panicking is normal, so it was good to have it allowed.

[Luke Cox]

This happened a few weeks ago, but I never posted it

>Be RD
>Get shit out of locker
>Immediately see Max Gang tag in toxins
>Alert staff
>Guy stuns me and drags me to xenobio
>They're retarded and don't strip my headset so I scream out for help
>Get converted, convince sec that it was a false alarm
>Make plans to raise aliens in xenobio and unleash them upon the station to thin out sec
>Gang leader manages to blow their cover
>Later, all the gang leaders are either dead or in the brig
>Shuttle gets called
>Fuck this I'm dying in a blaze of glory
>Go to toxins, transfer plasma to a yellow canister so it isn't immediately suspicious
>Grab firesuit
>Go on shuttle
>Right before launch, release the plasma and light it
>Run into the shuttle bridge and shank the HoP to death with a switchblade, fire gets in too
>Whole shuttle is on fire, literally everyone dies
>Max Gang represent, motherfuckers

[TheNightingale]

Our name is Ms. Sigma, and we are an agent of the changeling hivemind, sent to infiltrate this station.
We have taken the guise of Speaks-With-Silence, the Medical Doctor, in order to do so.
We feel it's time for some good old malpractice.
Our tasks are as follows:
- We must assimilate seven separate DNA strands into our own.
- We must ensure that the Shaft Miner does not survive.
- We must secure and take with us the advanced magnetic boots the station's Chief Engineer possesses.
- We must escape with the identity and ID card of the Chaplain.

Our first task is to find the Chaplain. We mix some neurotoxin (the stunning drink) and perfluorodecalin together, and head to the Chapel with a syringe gun.
The Chaplain is there, asleep. We drag them to medical, inject them with a little of our mix, and give them some morphine.
We steal their ID and equip them with a blindfold, muzzle and earmuffs. We then leave them in the hallways for them to wake up.
They wake up, wondering who it was. We approve of this. We go to chemistry again, and mix some 'Synthflesh' patches.
They're not really Synthflesh. They're morphine, perfluorodecalin, crank, unstable mutagen, lexorin and aranesp. The HoS comes by and asks us to make a chem implant for him.
We agree, and tell him it will take a while. He gives us the chem implant case, and takes a few patches. Just as planned.
We decide to visit the Chaplain again. This time he has a little toxin damage, so we rush him to medical and inject him with anti-toxin.
Wait, that wasn't anti-toxin, that was perfluorodecalin and neurotoxin. Whoops.
We give him some morphine and rush him to Surgery, where we apply anaesthetic and quickly change him into a her, complete with a new name.
We give the Chaplain more morphine and search his bag. We find a soul stone, which we keep, as well as the blindfold, muzzle and earmuffs.
Equipping the Chaplain with these items once more, we give him more morphine, take back the anaesthetic tank and mask, and leave him in the Library.
The crank is done, so we inject some of it (and some perfluorodecalin) into the chem implant and give it to the HoS. He takes it willingly and injects himself.
A little while later, the HoS collapses outside Primary Tool Storage. We, along with the other doctor, rush to the scene, and drag him back to medical.
We suggest the other doctor look for clues around Primary Tool Storage. He does so, and we apply some malpractice to the HoS as he overdoses on everything ever.
We hide the body in a locker, steal his soul with the soul stone, and swap identities with him.
We are now Ridley Oppenheimer, Head of Security.
A GPS in Cargo says the miner's location is still. Perhaps he is dead. We hope so.
We leave Medical and head to the Brig, where Central Command has crashed a shuttle. We talk with the ERT Engineers, assimilate their DNA through an extraction sting, and observe their telecomms relay near perma.
Suddenly, there are waves of faithless creatures coming from the Brig. We investigate, but suffer tremendous losses.
We drag an engineer out as they attack, heal them with actual medicine (not malpractice!), and suggest going back.
They say it's probably not a good idea. We're inclined to agree, but we have a reputation to uphold here.
We attempt to recover the bodies, and our form is hit by the 'shuttle', killing us instantly.
We are regenerating our form...
... we have regenerated. We wave the resurrection off as 'the doctor's chem implant worked really well'.
The AI seems a little suspicious, naturally, but we do not mind.
As more waves of faithless come from the Brig, we call the shuttle on red alert.
We quickly head to the CE's Office and steal the magboots, which were still there.
There is a gateway in Escape, sending through more faithless, so we head to a pod.
The other doctor comes with us, and we tell him to lie down so we can fit more people in.
He does so, and we handcuff him for a nice meal.
We search his bag to find a silenced pistol, and reassure him that we're not about to kill him. We're lying, of course.
We summon the shade of the departed HoS, transform into the Chaplain, equip the magboots and revel in our success.
The other doctor, however, disagrees, and explodes, causing a breach in the shuttle and damaging us.
We recover ourselves through fleshmend, and, though deaf, remain alive.
The pod docks at Central Command, and we, Ms. Sigma, are victorious.

[kevinz000]

DA virologist
Run to arrivals gets normal Top hat and stuff
Make self stimulant virus
Run at top speed stalking target
Target decided to get ebow and shoot about 5 people
Spawn supressed pistol and 4 clips
Takes down target. No one tried to valid me since I just saved their life
Space target and seen by Oldman robust in
Robustin asks me to kill another guy
Kills and spaced . No one saw me since I ran faster then olds peed
Finds out both tar gets looped and smashed into escape
Shuttle arrives. Questioned by captain
>oh that guy was the ebower
Didnt even get searchef
Greentext for me and robustin

[rdght91]

Regular engineer.
Haven't played in a while.
Someone else will set up the engine while I chucklefuck around with vending machines
No one else spawns
Fuck
Set up everything
It's all up
Captain is all thanks bro
Gonna ask the HOP for access
HOP was emagged, ID still in.
Uh... well, they didn't say I COUDLNT have all access.
Go to caps office and take his extra headset. Ask original heads if they're okay with me going into high security areas to hack and upgrade stuff, they're all, "Whatever, cool."
Bro out with security. Make dumb announcements on the bridge. HOP asks me to help fix stuff.
CE arrives, sees me on bridge, fixing stuff with HOP
CE is someone named Johnston Fitzwell, who apparently things spessmens are very serious business.
Spergs out, hard. HOP tells them it's cool.
Sperging intensifies, baton and cuff me, tries to have me demoted.
HOP shrugs, tells the cap and HOS to come and leaves.
Goes on rambling about me being special snowflake and that he's demoting me to assistant, takes my ID.
Captain uncuffs me.
CE cuffs me again.
Captain beats CE and uncuffs me, tosses me a new ID with my name and "Chief Engineer." All-access.
Laugh, and go back to fixing the HOP stuff.
CE runs up to me and starts sperging out. I finish and leave.
Other than him attacking me randomly here and there, have fun being POWER ENGINEER. Avoid engineering because he tries to baton me every time I go in there.
Bombs go off. Fixing the hallway when SILGOLOOSE
CE starts screaming at me that it's all my fault and he's going to kill me.
You really need other hobbies bro.
Most of the station is rekt before the shuttle arrives. There are basically no survivable areas. Only me, HOP, Captain, HOS, CE and a 3 or 4 crew members who grabbed hardsuits on board (70 player round).
CE tries to baton me in the cockpit one last time. Captain stops him. CE goes full nerd rage and then attacks captain. Everyone on shuttle dogpiles CE and begins to beat him to death. HOP tries to toss him out the airlock, but all of us tumble out into space as literally everyone is trying to maneuver to beat him to death.
Finish beating the CE to death and strip his hardsuit as we drift through the void.
Good times.

[Screemonster]

snip

There is little more satisfying than when some latestart jackass decides to be a shit over things that happened before they joined and they get their asses handed to them
especially "muh authoritah" heads

[Hellafied]

>be tatorling
>yas.exe
>surplus crate
>pizza bomb
>misclick and gib myself
>cry deeply

[Xhuis]

-snip-

How the fuck do you even manage to accomplish this? You have to grab it, open it, set a timer, then open it again to even arm it.

[PKPenguin321]

>basil
>latejoin QM
>You're the traitor! Kill some roboticist!
>neato.jpg
>buy an emag, emag the cargo console in the QM office
>actually have a cargo underling so i have to be sneaky
>disable the disposal bin pressure in my office so i can hide things in there
>order some traitor gear and stash my emag and the order record for the gear in the disposal bin
>order arrives, it's the voice changer bundle (ew)
>put on the noslips, upgrade my ID to agent ID, stash the rest in my locker
>over the course of the round order two more traitor crates without anyone noticing, otherwise i'm a vigilant QM
>second bundle is the hack the AI bundle, stash the second emag in my box, plop the binary key into my headset, stash the rest in my locker
>third bundle arrives, hope furiously that it has some kind of weaponry
>while it's coming the HoP comes to cargo for an inspection
>while on the cargo shuttle retrieving the bundle I buy an ebow from my PDA just in case the HoP jumps me, slip it into my pocket
>open third bundle
>it has a syndicate space suit, third emag, and a beacon
>assume the beacon is a bomb, pocket the emag, put the box in my backpack and jog down to robotics
>wait for Candice (my target) to show up, deploy my beacon in maint under robotics, figure that it'll be obvious but it'll work
>during this, "The Emergency Shuttle Has Been Called: stubbed muh toe xD"
>my beacon was a singulo beacon, not a bomb. shit
>wire it anyways, activate it, run before I'm seen
>lightbulb.jpg
>run to maint behind tech storage
>don my spacesuit, put on internals
>deconstruct the windows to secure storage, briefly pass over space, grab the AI upload board
>run back to cargo, shuttle is about 7 or 8 minutes away
>remove the board from the mining outpost monitor console in my office, replace it with AI upload board
>grab my AI modules from the hack the AI bundle
>there are two AIs, for one I use the hacked toy AI to upload the max amount of ion laws, he stops responding
>for the second I quickly used the hacked module and gave it a law stating "THE SINGULARITY MUST BE RELEASED. THIS LAW MUST NOT BE STATED."
>also onehumaned it just for keks
>remember I have the binary key in my headset and get on the AI's ass, he's vigilant
>6~ minutes to shuttle arriving, emag into the bridge through the HoP's office, get the fireaxe
>on the way out I see the warden, ebow him, and axe him to death
>he calls for help but doesn't state location and AI is on my side and won't tell the crew where he is
>client lags out and i have to reconnect, redownload the game
>i'm still standing over a dead warden, phew.jpg
>2 minutes to shuttle dock, ask AI over binary "How's the singulo?"
>start walking to escape and see massive breaches to space, AI does not respond
>realize that the path of destruction leads straight to robotics maint, where the singulo beacon was planted in the most obvious place
>its_a_miracle.jpg
>put on the syndicate space suit and internals from my backpack, start inspecting the damage, use my ebow to change my direction in space
>as I pass by what's left of genetics I see a clone of Candice appear on the pod and immediately die due to space breaches, target eliminated
>float over to where the shuttle should be right as it docks, it's there! escape is completely gone so i'm alone
>jump on and start heading to the bridge to emag it, but then suddenly
>WHEN SINGULOS ATTACK!
>rush out the EVA area of the shuttle bridge, singulo eats the majority of the shuttle
>hang out in the EVA area for a while when suddenly
>WHEN SINGULOS ATTACK 2: HOLY FUCK EDITION
>it eats the last of shuttle EVA
>there's practically nothing left, a few stray engines and platings
>grab some metal and build a chair on a stray plating and pray it's on a turf that will fly with the shuttle
>about ten seconds to launch
>singulo starts approaching
>fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
>blastoff just before singulo gets in range
>i am literally on the edge of the shuttle turfs, one space back and i would have not been on the shuttle
>holy_fuck.jpg
>after an awed pause I start singing "Living on a Prayer" to myself (and in part to try and amuse the ghosts)
>shuttle docks for me to see greentext, OOC tells me singulo killed fucking everyone
>tfw a singulo beacon I didn't even want or buy and a syndicate space suit that nobody ever uses won me the round

honestly this was probably the luckiest traitor round i've ever had, it was improvised as fuck using mostly just the tools that the cargo shuttle gave me and had massively good results
shoutout to that AI for actually releasing the singulo like I told him

[DemonFiren]

I may not be an expert in the field, but this reads like robustness to me.

[IcePacks]

tricky to say

antag on basil's pretty much instawin as long as you don't overdo it

[Not-Dorsidarf]

Antag on basil's pretty much instawin (if you're boring and/or a robust murderboner)
If you're just an average traitor with intermittent violence, you tend to either get your shit pushed in by a Durand, or security hogtie you, demand your PDA and code, then play catch-and-release

[IcePacks]

>scientist
>SCIENCE!!
>lab burnt out
>whatever
>scrape enough gas together to make a bomb happen
>wow this bomb is really week
>whatever
>start to make a bomb
>accidentally release the bomb mix
>ARRRRRRRGH I'M ON FIRE!!
>try to blow a tiny hole in the floor
>without knowing temperatures have changed
>blow a mid-size hole in r&d

best mistake i ever made

[Reimoo]

>engineer
>woop woop summon guns and summon magic active
>get an ebow and a door wand
>cause mischief, get brigged for it
>the warden gives me a very long sentence and starts heckling me for the next 7 minutes
>start throwing things around in my cell to piss him off
>he flashes the cell and enters with a pair of cuffs
>he's too slow and I get a lucky push disarm and use his cuffs to lock him in his own cell
>bucklecuff him and take his PDA
>quip a smartass one liner and gtfo
>use his PDA to set all of security to arrest and message the captain to tell him he's a comdom
>never get caught

Granted, that was kind of dickish of me but still
>locked the warden in his own cell

[PKPenguin321]

>basil
>scientist
>AI puts the MATH MASTER! script onto telecomms
>quickly claim the most points and become the math master
>centcomm sends a reward to arrivals for whoever won (me because i'm the math master math master math master)
>go to it with a sec officer
>fucking spiders everywhere, a sentient Sargent Araneous deals with them
>go to the back of the shuttle, find a honk mech and an unusable console
>but what's this?
>wrapped up in a spider's cocoon, it's a honk renderer
>sec officer says "no no no" but I need a clown ID to get into the honk mech and the only way to get a clown is...
>spawn some clowns with the clown renderer, someone hits one and they gang rape me, the sec officer, Sargent Araneous
>in dead chat
>some talk is had about possible badmin events to bring the round to it's end, someone suggests one of those new blood demons
>i say make me it so I can be reincarnated as the MATH MONSTER
>admins actually do it
>run around asking people basic algebraic questions
>if they get it right they live, if they get it wrong (or attack me) they get killed and eaten
>end up eating most of the station, they're all either very hostile or very ignorant
>only one guy, I think it was Reese, consistently got all my questions right
>the MATH MONSTER rides the shuttle and only Reese lives in the end
fear the glorious power of MATH

[Cuboos]

> Be on sybil
>Be clown
>Be clowning around.
>notice comms are down
> PDAs not working either.
> Cargo Doors emaged open
> Combat Shotguns on the table.
> Run in, grab one.
> FeelGoodMan.gif
> head towards escape
> See Librarian beating a scientist in the hall.
> Calls for help, but comms down.
> Time to be the hero this station need.
> cocks shot gun
> No ammo.
> Cocks again
> Still no ammo
> Librarian doesn't notice me, or is too preoccupied punching scientist.
> Do the only thing i can think of doing and throw gun at the librarian.
> Librarian catches the empty shot gun.
>must have had an empty hand with throw enabled
> suddenly hear, "Criminal detected"
> beepsky was just in range of librarian to see the shot gun in his hand.
> Beepsky takes out librarian.
> drag him to brig while honking my horn as fast as i can.
> few minutes later shuttle arrives.
> round ends.
> Librarian was antag
> Kill scientist, failed
> Escape alive, failed.
> Mild salt in OOC.

[DemonFiren]

>Basil
>Clown, Fights-The-Power
>Five hour round
>almost immediately get tased by two fellow lizards and receive a beatdown by almost the entire crew
>go sulk
>pray to Honkmother, no response
>lookie here a voidsuit and syndicate toolbox lying around
>steal NT medical shuttle
>fuck off to derelict
>build HONK
>Honkmother responds, get Honkrender
>go back to station with honker blast, mech taser and LMG
>WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?!
>Cargonia holds the fort
>get inside
>Pop the Honkrender
>HONK everyone trying to murder my fellow clowns
>Eventually get ioned
>Run around desperately spamming Honkrender
>admins gave it 10 chargers
>10 holes into clownspace
>I die to the bloodlust of my own kind
>Cargonia almost overrun
>meteors everywhere
>asshole detective tries to recall shuttle, gets dunked
>survivors limp back, carp outside shuttle
>clownbombs at central

HONK HONK MOTHERHONKER

[peoplearestrange]

-best clwn-

Haha holy crap that must have felt so good!

[PKPenguin321]

-snip-

holy shit that's the best and luckiest way i've ever heard of someone being apprehended

>odds of finding a gun: small
>odds of throwing the gun at a traitor: small
>odds of him having throw mode on for whatever reason: tiny
>odds of beepsky seeing him with the gun: small
>odds of beepsky having weapon check on: only half-decent
>odds of beepsky not seeing YOU with the weapon: tiny

>odds overall: fucking impossible
(this is some legit math i just did in the past few hours)
amazing

[lumipharon]

beepsky settings have a lot of variables. It's perfectly possible for it to not arrest one guy for a gun but arresting another guy for it. Being a lizard, for example, increases your threat level to bots.

[Luke Cox]

Gather around boys and girls, I am going to tell you the story of the great dank grinch blob that stole sec

>Be HoS blob
>Immediately grab all the weapons out of my locker
>Rush to armory
>Unwrench all the armory racks and open/close the contraband locker on them
>"Securing the armory"
>Set myself up in perma with literally the whole armory, even the hardsuits and flashbangs
>Burst
>I am drugs
>Grow for about 10 minutes completely unnoticed
>Split
>Me and new guy keep growing
>Crew knows by now but they don't know my core is in perma
>New half is Omnizine, rerolls
>DOUBLE DANK
>We take the rest of sec, from the execution room to the courthouse to my old office
>Crew cannot handle dank and tries to nuke but fails
>420/10 Dankest blob ever

OOC: Desucake: Luke that was low. Very low.
OOC: Killbasa: "securing armory" >turns into blob after stealing armory
OOC: Shaps: you literally even took the racks. you left nothing behind
OOC: Kevinz000: >Took the damn racks
OOC: Deitus: he took the racks? what is he, the blob grinch?

[One Seven One]

>Be a ghost an hour in to a round
>Ghost admin: Hey who wants to spice shit up?
>Why not
>Get spawned as a wizard
>"What's my objective?"
>New Objective: Spice shit up
>I take Jaunt, Necro stone, Magic Missile, recall spell, Staff of chaos because it's the spiciest staff, and an assistant for the hell of it.
>I summon the assistant with Jaunt and Teleport so they can live longer. My assistant names themselves "The Table"
>I tell them to do whatever they want, we're going in to stir up trouble. I arm my recall to my staff and prepare myself.
>I use my scroll to poof right in to genetics and toss out a magic missile before jaunting out.
>I run around for a while just throwing out random bolts with the staff and just being a minor pain
>Get stunned and some chef picks up my staff
>Good luck kill-
>Get shot by death bolt
>Mother fucker
>Get shot by a bolt of life
rekcuF rethoM<
>Recall my staff and jaunt away
>More chaos
>Lost my staff but I saw it in the hands of my assistant
>Space myself in the spaced locker room in maint
>Fucking hell
>Eventually get jaunt back and jaunt in to the room next it like I was trying to do
>Slowly patching myself up while my assistant scurries around in maint near me
>Door opens
>Assistant?
>Nope it's a fucking durand
>Get fucked up
>Ghost about since there's no chance I'm coming back
>Ask about my assistant
>Turns out he's killed half of security by his fucking self
>Turns out he's spicier than me by a long shot
>They start dragging my body to be borged
>While they're taking me away a durand turns around and starts beating them up
>It's my fucking assistant
>My assistant takes my body away after killing them and tries to revive me via RNG staff
>It doesn't work before a borg tries to welder bomb him
>He gets away to medbay and starts stunning and lasering people to death
>I can't handle his spice
>He eventually gets knocked out by a durand like I did
>I could not be more proud of my assistant
>May he be a great wizard in the after life ;-;7

[PKPenguin321]

>in library with cool as fuck librarian trying to read a lovecraft short story
>some lawyer fuckhead and a naked assistant keep fucking with me
>table them and disposal them on more than one occasion
>just want to read my book
>suddenly, the MATH MASTER comes on the radio (and it's named "Big Boy" for some reason)
>get all the points as i am the math master
>be in the lead by a mile (by like at least 20 points)
>guy in second place comes to "take out the competition," with him the lawyer and naked assistant
>they table me
>second place guy starts choking me
>keep answering math problems whilst screaming for help
>"HELP!" "236" "BEING MURDERED!" "19" "LIBRARY!" "1945"
>my would-be murderer apparently finds this so funny they let me go
>i am the math master

big boy got shut down when i had about 85 points

FREE BIG BOY

[Cuboos]

-snip-

holy shit that's the best and luckiest way i've ever heard of someone being apprehended

>odds of finding a gun: small
>odds of throwing the gun at a traitor: small
>odds of him having throw mode on for whatever reason: tiny
>odds of beepsky seeing him with the gun: small
>odds of beepsky having weapon check on: only half-decent
>odds of beepsky not seeing YOU with the weapon: tiny

>odds overall: fucking impossible
(this is some legit math i just did in the past few hours)
amazing

Beepsky was out of range for me. I'm guessing at the time i threw it, beepsky made his stop at arrivals to turn around in his patrol. The luck and timing for this to happen had to be perfect. This is never going to happen to me again.

[kevinz000]

[Takeguru]

>Not activating windows

You filthy pirate

[Laharl Monthy]

>Not activating windows

You filthy pirate

This smells soooooo much like a Virtual Machine...

[Tornadium]

>Shaft Miner
>Fuck.jpg
>You are a Changeling!
>Doublefuck.jpg
>Other lings start communicating even sharing identities
>Decide I can't be bothered actually trying to get that sweet green text so out myself to the HoS and Warden
>Offer to hunt down the changelings in exchange for my life and the ability to roam free (abiet with Tracking and Loyalty Implants)
>They buy it, I get turned into a security officer with a license to kill
>Hunt down 3/4 Changelings, CMO in particular is pretty fucking mad and is stupid enough to revive in front of everyone.
>Round gets kinda stale, Know the last ling is someone in science but I have no idea.
>Roman (As it later turns out starts offering bombs, Leaves one in the library for me after telling him of my dastardly plan).
>Ask for the Captain, HoS, HoP, Warden to report to the brig to discuss what to do about the remainder of the changeling threat
>Wow,They actually show up
>4 officers, HoS, Warden, HoP, Captain and a lawyer all within 2 tiles of me
>Holy shit christmas came early
>Blow the fucking bomb
>Apparently Roman is amazing with bombs because the bomb ltakes out fucking EVERYTHING gibbing everyone inside security and killing 3 bystanders outside the brig.
>Brig is now a massive hole, armory totally gone, all cells gone and damage done to basically everything in the surrounding area
>Feel fucking terrible about betraying the HoS who was super cool that round.
>Drink whiskey IRL

Like the entire station remaining command staff and security force gone in the blink of an eye, I don't think I've ever gotten a bomb that amazing before.

[Killbasa]

-snip-

I was an officer in that blast. That was a fucking good bomb.

[Cheimon]

I was the warden that trusted you, changeling.

In retrospect it wasn't the best idea, but you did kill all of the changelings. Even yourself.

[Xhuis]

-fucking heresy-

--NOTICE: CHANGELING FRIENDLY KILLING DETECTED--
--METAGRUDGE SERVOS--
--ENGAGE--

[srifenbyxp]

>Extended
>Asteroid Monster Hunter Event
>Cent Comm is paying bounties for dead Syndi Ops
>Find syndicate Stronghold
>Kill a syndi bag a claim
>Opened a door that lead into a large room filled with syndies
>Flee into a room 1v1 with an Op Mob
>Died even though Kenshiro mode was activated when I attacked with an E-sword
>Revive
>Go back to Syndi Strong Hold and tear down 1x3 R-Walls
>Atmos Kill every syndicate mob
>start bagging my prizes
>ask what I get if I have 100 TC
>You Get One Wish
>Shuttles been called and I booked it into over drive
>Managed to get over 100 TC
>I then proceeded to watch the world burn

[THE MIGHTY GALVATRON]

I changed a borg's battery so fast it didn't even notice me doing it.

That's my story, I'm the best.

[DemonFiren]

Or the borg was lagging horribro.

[PKPenguin321]

I changed a borg's battery so fast it didn't even notice me doing it.

That's my story, I'm the best.

Wanna see me change that borg's battery?
Wanna see me do it again?

[Fiz Bump]

>Spawn in a janitor, could be a good lazy round to cap off the night.
>You are the double agent! Kill the shit out of Daisy.
>Sorry Daisy.
>By myself a surplus crate, cause memes.
>EVERY Syndicate implant, revolver, AI warning tool.
>Spend about two minutes implanting my way to godhood, notice AI is watching me toss syndicate boxes and other obvious traitor things around my office.
>Time to skedaddle, saddle up on my trusty janicart.
>As I drive by the HoP line, who should I see but Daisy.
>Roll up and unload revolver in her. Blat blat.
>Several people in HoP line and cargo see me and seem to give very few fucks.
>Drag body to arrivals and space the shit out of it.
>Ten minutes pass as I get my cart upgraded and jet around the station, cleaning up Daisy's blood for funsies.
>I am bored. Ahelp and whine for more objectives.
>Kill the two abductors. Ayyyyy.
>Suddenly, AI tool goes red. Security, a secborg and Beepsky bum rush me.
>Pop all my implants like a cool dude and jet out of there into maintenance.
>Spend the rest of the round dodging security in maint and listening to the station get Cuban Pete'd.
>At one point I let a sec officer tase me and drag me away.
>Hear him say "Finally caught the slippery bastard" over sec-chat.
>Pop my escape implant as we go through the brig doors and run back into maintenance. Many keks were had.
>Time passes, tcomms get bombed, station is generally fucked.
>Shuttle is called by babbies who can't fix a station.
>Fuck, where are those ayy lmaos.
>Shuttle arrives and I get on board.
>Hiding in a locker when suddenly, ayy lmaos appear.
>I valiantly save a crewmate and try to fight off ayys with an oxygen tank but I am sadly beaten into crit and dragged back to the ayy ship.
>Round about to end, I am resigned to my fate as the ayys sit around my almost lifeless body.
>Suddenly I remember that there is still one implant that I haven't use.
>I succumb to my explosive implant (pre-micro/macro-bomb) and kill both ayys not even a full second before the round ends.
>Round ends,I receive my greentext.
Ayyy lmao.

[Not-Dorsidarf]

How do you greentext as a dead DA?

[PKPenguin321]

How do you greentext as a dead DA?

admins changed his objectives so it's not far fetched that he got a swapped out escape objective

only-good-story-to-come-from-macrobombs/10

[Cheimon]

Not even about macrobombs, this was just the old fashioned explosive implant from what he's saying.

[Braincake]

>Late-join as Lawyer
>Overhear stuff about rampant changelings, nothing interesting
>Reroute disposals so it goes to the Captain's office
>Play Orion Trail for a while, get antag token
>Pray to the gods for something interesting whilst spinning around the token
>No response, ah well
>Make an all-access form and stamp it with the Captain's stamp for kicks
>Hand it to the HoP
>He laughs, says the Captain had one job, and grants it
>Okay.jpg
>Put on a full black suit, get some medical gloves dyed blue, nick the soap from the Captain's quarters
>Start cleaning blood from the floors
>Suddenly turn into a shadowling
>Never been one before, panic, read wiki quickguide
>Head into Medbay, the other shadowling just rounds the corner with his thrall
>Hulk abounds, so they start punching people and thralling them
>Figure I'll get some equipment from the Armory to speed things along
>Head there, Brig has plenty of security running around
>HoS observes me waltzing through the Warden's office without comment
>Acquire equipment
>Open the door to the Brig Office
>Bump into my fellow lawyer, Oldman Robustin, on the Janicart
>Toot at him, then arrest him
>Dump him in the rightmost cell, strip the headset, he still gets a few shouts off
>Start converting him, no idea how long this will take
>Progress bar has almost finished, nobody noticed yet, phew
>Second progress bar starts, dang
>An officer walks past and ignores Oldman's cries for help
>Fifth progress bar finally completes the process
>We convert two hapless officers in the Equipment room
>Tell all of them to get more folks while I stay there
>A steady stream of converts starts arriving
>Doesn't take long before security is either dead or converted
>Conversion queue starts building up, thrall security force gets into a few fights
>Other shadowling arrives and joins the party
>One convert suddenly sprouts an armblade and is quickly dogpiled and brutalized
>Recall the shuttle once, second time unfortunately fails because lockdown
>Hatch in a dark corner of the office, continue chain-thralling
>It's just not enough to get the quota before the shuttle arrives
>Office is full of corpses and naked people cuffed to chairs loudly complaining

Spoiler:

Screencapped by LordofOreos, I assume

Don't even care about the redtext, that was absolutely hilarious.

[Fiz Bump]

How do you greentext as a dead DA?

admins changed his objectives so it's not far fetched that he got a swapped out escape objective

only-good-story-to-come-from-macrobombs/10

Yeah, I had my objectives completely replaced with "Kill the two abductors from Spaceship Wibblewobble" or something like that.
And it was one of the old explosive implants. Completely gibbed one alien and killed the other, as they were standing right on top of me, for some raisin.

[DrunkenMatey]

>MURICA ROUND (everyone gets guns from cargo for self defense)
>Set genetics to high
>Spawn as only member of security FUCK NO. I DIDNT ASK FOR THIS!
> Spend 30 min waiting for a HoP before finally getting captain to help
> Beg for any other job.
> Janitor!
> Spend an hour trying to clean medbay as an endless stream of bullet ridden corpses are dragged all over (since everyone has guns)
> Pick up some ninja stars that were laying around in medbay
> See a dude getting abducted by an invisible ninja
> Chase after them and fire wildly at the ninja
> Ninja runs away
> Take the poor abductee to cryo
> Cleaning by HoP office
> Get jumped by ninja and dragged into maint
> Stand up just long enough to throw a ninja star wildly
> Ninja star embeds in unknowns head!
> Die a slow death in maint
> Ninja died.

I don't know 100% that the ninja star I threw into his head killed him... but I'm 95% sure it did. No one else had an answer to what happened to him when I asked and he was definitely dead at round end.

[lumipharon]

Had a 3 way gang round, so many lucky escapes, holy shit.

>be chemist gang leader

>drink neurotoxin at the bar
>Barman is a enemy gang leader and tries convert then kill me
>sec comes, neither of us call each other gangsters in fear of retaliation

>syringe a sec officer with mute + stun
>the neurotox doesn't stun him
>get dunked
>lieutenant cluwn getting murdered in armory
>get murdered myself in execution
>jokes on you faggots, autocloner

>sec wants to murder me at genetics
>borg saves me because sec is evil (subverted)
>enemy ganger wants to murder me in science
>borg saves me because they misspelt some shit in the subversion
>loot now bombed brig for an uplink and pen, find all access too
>come back to medbay for recruits
>the sec officer that murdered me is now in my gang
>the dumb fuck implanted himself with the implant I had in my box
>implant some other random
>give them both uzi's
>go towards locker toilets to stop enemy dominator
>sec guy vanishes somewhere
>2nd guy accidentally shoots me EIGHT times with the uzi, trying to shoot some unarmed dude behind us
>he gets murdered by gangers, but gods have mercy on me because of his ineptitude
>use the bomb the sec guy gave me
>enemy ganger uses xray + tk to move the bomb away, dominator alive
>gun down enemy gangers in the crater with my uzi, hulks and shit everywhere
>c4 into the toilets
>destroy the dominator unopposed because they dead borgs are blocking the way

>3rd gang sets a dominator in front of the hop office
>shoot more of their nerds
>c4 in and blow up their dominator also
>shuttle finally leaves
>crew victory even though almost everyone is dead

That round. Holy fuck.

[IcePacks]

>captain
>oh but i have a gay tail
>fuck this
>i'm going to turn myself into a robot
>but wait then i can't captain the station
>devise a genius scheme: we will all get mech bodies
>forget that there's antags
>ignore the security channel and focus on science
>willing volunteers to mine my minerals for my glorious durand body
>purge the ai
>give the ai a law: do whatever it takes (including murder, mild insubordination) to get the crew into totally optional but wholly endorsed mech bodies
>ai: law one: kill everyone while ignoring them and borg them
>robutticist gets cold feet; tells me i'll be banned
>what a fucking pussy
>ai only has about four borgs
>not good enough!
>hire a new one
>ai keeps nagging me to upgrade
>tell it i'm not settling for anything less than a fucking durand
>keeps telling me to upgrade
>walk into robotics to see how things are going
>chief engineer and some other dweeb are handcuffed and being forceborged
>the ce's last words: UNFUCK THIS STATION
>eh
>walk back to the bridge
>door's bolted
>try to talk the ai down
>blegh blorp a sprooo get to robuttics for upgrades captain!!
>instantly regret this
>see my tail
>continue as originally planned
>time passes; the borgs' numbers swell while nary a single fucking mech is made because cargo sucks and they're too busy screaming about gangs or some shit
>dominator online
>walk on up to it in science
>entire place is on fire; burning bodies everywhere
>dominator is deactivated
>see the hos being escorted by a security borg
>kill it and rescue him
>at this point the crew is calling for my demotion
>call the shuttle as i make ready to be pulled out of my office and slain in the hallways
>just kidding walk to escape
>halfhearted murder attempts
>shuttle launches
>there's a bunch of mmis from the blown borgs on the table trying to start a riot
>fuck this
>shoot out the window
>jump off the shuttle
>teleport back to the station
>"where were we on that robot body, ai"

my robot apocalypse: abridged

[DemonFiren]

To be fair, you did shit up half the players' round and worded that law exceptionally poorly.

[QuartzCrystal]

>be detective, slow round
>captain being a douche to HoS (Jack Steiner) over comms about not going to a meeting
>some time passes, HoS announces that it's time for a mutiny due to the captain trying to demote him for not going to a meeting on time
>I pledge my allegiance to Jack Steiner, the true Head of Station (HoS)
>I burst into the interrogation room where the captain and the rest of security have Jack tied up
>nearly kill the warden, take down some others, eventually am taken down myself
>Jack is taken to perma as I profess my love for him, he tells me to never give up
>it's suddenly malf, in the confusion I'm able to get out of the brig and uncuff, I get back to perma and find Jack (though he's AFK)
>find Jack's stuff, suit up his AFK body and drag him to safety
>he comes back and tells me he has no ID, we split up
>I get into the teleporter room, AI just got killed and the captain made an announcement about calling the shuttle
>I teleport in, shoot the captain and the half dozen security/others that are around
>scream "IT WAS ALL FOR JACK!" as I'm brutally beaten to death by the loyalists and the captain

A little bit later Jack Steiner tries basically the exact same thing as me, same result. Shuttle arrives and round ends shortly after.

[IcePacks]

To be fair, you did shit up half the players' round and worded that law exceptionally poorly.

to be fair, most of them lacked enthusiasm and the ai stretched the fuck outta that law

[DemonFiren]

You did tell the AI to do "whatever it takes". This includes ignoring the crew's wishes, thus rendering the 'optional' part moot.

Or at least that's the interpretation I would have chosen as AI. And you can't blame crew for not wanting to lynch an AI that isn't technically antag, or a Captain who isn't technically antag, either, because BWOINK.

[Perakp]

> Join in as ops
> We buy two syndi borgs and a bunch of other stuff
> Reports of singularity being free on the radio
> Take some bombs, extra ammo, shotgun, box of flashbangs
> One op needs help putting up the spacesuit helmet
> Ship parked NE of the station
> Fast jetpacks are fast, zoom past HoS office while he's in there
> Plant a bomb at armory for the guys that got left behind in the singularity lag
> Don't feel like fighting in the armory, fly to bomb tcomms next
> Go all the way around the station, realize I don't actually want to shoot through windows to get on the station
> Conveniently an engineer is wiring the solars
> Not hearing much from the other ops, then again I haven't been paying much attention
> Plant a bomb in maintenance next to tcomms APC
> Disk in captain's office, no word from other ops, gibs in the hallway
> Grab RCD from EVA
> Lurk around captain's office
> Tcomms bomb missed the apc by an inch
> Guy in CE suit fixing tcomms
> Drag him away, strip, discover a normal station engineer ID
> Not much time left, time to go ham on this captain
> RCD through teleporter room
> flashbang, flashbang, minibomb, pistol down a secborg
> Captain escaped to Bridge, RCD is out of charges
> Reload pistol, grab another flashbang, fix teleporter
> Teleport to bridge, flashbang, kill a virologist with their fireaxe, shoot down and axe the HoS
> Take HoS's ID, check if he had guns, reload
> captain is in the meeting room, chase after him
> Handteleported to bridge, chase to his office, spamming flashbangs everywhere
> He teleports again and I flashbang myself
> After shuttle arrives find him dead next to the shuttle
> Grab him, take the disk, shuttle leaves
> Can't find our ship, go across z level
> Run out of oxygen and die in space
> Syndicate minor victory

Okay, we didn't properly win, but it was still awesome
> Reading the ghosts' comments from public logs

Code: Select all

[18:57:39]SAY: QuartzCrystal/(Jebidiah Redbull) has made a priority announcement: Good job handling the ops crew. Myself and a security borg are safe and guarding the disk. See you all on the escape shuttle when the time comes. Stay safe.
[18:59:29]ADMIN: peoplearestrange/(Cayenne) checked antagonists.
[18:59:35]ADMIN: @Peoplearestrange[DC]/(Cayenne) followed Perakp/(Flick Scones)
[18:59:41]GAME: Perakp/(Flick Scones) has primed a flashbang for detonation at Captain's Office (124,125,1).
[18:59:42]SAY: Ghost/Red Lobster : borg down
[18:59:47]SAY: Ghost/Nothingness : Nice, nice, nice.
[18:59:50]SAY: Ghost/Whodaloo : CAP STILL HSA THE DISK THO
[19:00:51]SAY: Ghost/Nothingness : What is he doing?
[19:00:57]SAY: Ghost/Whodaloo : trying to teleport to the bridge
[19:01:17]GAME: Perakp/(Flick Scones) has primed a flashbang for detonation at Bridge (116,135,1).
[19:01:44]EMOTE: Fay Slessgoon/Iamgoofball : <B>Fay Slessgoon</B> seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless...
[19:01:51]SAY: Ghost/RD101 : rip hos
[19:02:19]SAY: Ghost/Jud1c470r : truly, this man was worthy of killing me
[19:02:35]ADMIN: peoplearestrange/(Cayenne) Rejected Iamgoofball's admin help
[19:03:24]GAME: Perakp/(Flick Scones) has primed a flashbang for detonation at Captain's Office (121,130,1).
[19:03:35]SAY: Ghost/Eu4ia : SELF FLASHANGGED
[19:03:36]SAY: Ghost/Jud1c470r : HE'S DOWN
[19:03:36]SAY: Ghost/Eu4ia : JFGGFJSHS
[19:03:37]SAY: Ghost/Jud1c470r : INTENSE
[19:03:38]SAY: Ghost/Eu4ia : AHAHAHA
[19:03:50]SAY: Ghost/Nothingness : At leat the cap know ho to run.
[19:03:59]SAY: Ghost/F1restorm : Luckily no one noticed...except twenty ghosts

[19:07:00]GAME: Perakp/(Flick Scones) has primed a flashbang for detonation at Chapel (185,134,1).
[19:07:09]EMOTE: Jebidiah Redbull/QuartzCrystal : <B>Jebidiah Redbull</B> seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless...
[19:07:16]SAY: Ghost/RD101 : BOMB SHUTTLE PLS
[19:07:20]GAME: Perakp/(Flick Scones) has primed a flashbang for detonation at Emergency Shuttle (207,137,1).
[19:07:21]SAY: Ghost/F1restorm : ESCAPE ALONE YOU GLORIOUS  BASTARD
[19:07:30]SAY: Molly Slysbern/SpiritOfRevenge : Lynch the flashbanger
[19:07:39]SAY: Ghost/Carakka : How did cap die?
[19:07:54]SAY: Ghost/Ghende3 : shuttle ran him ove
[19:08:00]SAY: Oldman Robustin/ForcefulCJS : Uh bodies are piling up on SW solars room, are we sure all the operinos are dead?
[19:08:23]SAY: Ghost/Nothingness : Too lte to arm it, really.
[19:08:37]SAY: Ghost/Joshalex5 : I really want him to win
[19:08:56]SAY: Ghost/Eu4ia : this op is awful
[19:09:02]SAY: Ghost/Nothingness : He might score a minor victory, or a major one, if he's quick.
[19:09:06]SAY: Ghost/Durkel : He got farther then all the others
[19:09:16]SAY: Ghost/Joshalex5 : He singlehandedly saved the op from total disaster, im not sure that means he sucks
[19:09:26]SAY: Ghost/Carakka : He'd have to start the nuke right now to have a chance of it detonating in time
[19:10:03]GAME: The nuclear authentication disk has been destroyed in (114, 9 ,7). Moving it to (193, 112, 1).
[19:10:14]SAY: Ghost/Red Lobster : HE WENT OFF THE Z LEVEL
[19:10:16]SAY: Ghost/Nothingness : He has about three minute.
[19:10:17]SAY: Ghost/Eu4ia : OH MY GOD
[19:10:17]SAY: Ghost/Laferioo : >he can't find it
[19:10:17]SAY: Ghost/Eu4ia : LOL
[19:10:18]SAY: Adam Pryex/Perakp : Where the fuck did we park the ship?
[19:10:19]SAY: Ghost/Eu4ia : LOLOLOLOL
[19:10:19]SAY: Ghost/Durkel : Ayy lmao
[19:10:20]SAY: Ghost/Iamgoofball : ahahahahahahahhahahahaha
[19:10:21]SAY: Ghost/RD101 : TOP KEK
[19:10:22]SAY: Ghost/Joshalex5 : You fucked it
[19:10:23]SAY: Ghost/Laferioo : oh my god
[19:10:24]SAY: Ghost/Eu4ia : GAME OVER
[19:10:25]SAY: Ghost/Eu4ia : GAME OVER
[19:10:27]SAY: Ghost/Laferioo : GAME OVER
[19:10:28]SAY: Ghost/Eu4ia : HJASHAHA
[19:10:30]SAY: Ghost/Red Lobster : THE DISK RESPOND IN RND
[19:10:31]SAY: Ghost/Ghende3 : disk is in rnd
[19:10:34]SAY: Ghost/Higgins McGee : Shiiiiit
[19:10:35]SAY: Ghost/Eu4ia : MY DICK
[19:10:35]SAY: Ghost/Joshalex5 : oh my go "where di we park the ship" holy shit
[19:10:50]SAY: Ghost/Jud1c470r : that poor bastard
[19:10:51]SAY: Ghost/F1restorm : That's ss13 for you
[19:10:53]SAY: Dortha Morris/Banrax : Fun shift, eh?
[19:10:54]PRAY: Iamgoofball/(Fay Slessgoon): SPACE JESUS, PLEASE GRANT THE NUCLEAR OPERATIVE A COOKIE FOR HIS TROUBLES
[19:11:03]SAY: Ghost/Durkel : Tried so hard and go so far
[19:11:04]SAY: Ghost/Higgins McGee : God that sucks
[19:11:06]SAY: Ghost/Thrilla of Manilla : Dumbass
[19:11:06]SAY: Ghost/Higgins McGee : I'd be so mad
[19:11:22]SAY: Ghost/Thrilla of Manilla : memorize where it is next time knob
[19:11:28]SAY: Ghost/Joshalex5 : And now he dies for nothing
[19:11:32]SAY: Ghost/Joshalex5 : RIP
[19:11:46]SAY: Ghost/Thrilla of Manilla : dude
[19:11:54]SAY: Ghost/Thrilla of Manilla : memorize where shuttle is
[19:11:55]SAY: Ghost/Thrilla of Manilla : knob